Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-October 26, 2007 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Continued from part ninety-four
Then he realized that there was something important that he didn’t know. “Are you going to tell Joey?”
Yawning, AJ turned off the TV. “No. It would just get back to Justin, and he doesn’t need the stress.”
Chris hadn’t expected that answer. “You don’t care if Joey knows or not? You’re more worried about Justin?”
“I expect Joey to be able to handle life,” AJ said. “Justin falls apart too easily.”
“Not without reason,” Chris said, to be fair.
AJ grunted, not very impressed with that argument; his phone buzzed. “Brian’s here,” he said, as if that were a normal thing to say, as if those words could be stated casually. “C’mere, we might as well give him something to look at.”
“He won’t mind?” Chris asked, needing to be sure.
“Trust me,” AJ said, and rolled forward, kissing him.
It was a slow, casually intimate kiss, as if AJ and Chris had been lovers for years and were familiar with each other. Chris hadn’t been aware, before today, that AJ ever kissed like this. He wondered if AJ had ever kissed Joey like this. He wondered if AJ sometimes kissed Brian like this. His ears perked for the sound of Brian’s approach, he kissed AJ back, putting a hand on AJ’s naked hip. AJ seemed comfortable with him, as if the two of them having sex together were an expected and ordinary thing, and that matter-of-fact attitude eased his anxiety somewhat. Spending time with Kevin was like standing in a small cage with a large beast, and Chris had learned how to judge the beast’s behavior, how to read the beast’s moods. If the same information could be applied to AJ, then Chris was, for the moment, relatively safe.
Had that been a door? The front door, maybe?
A soft grunt; AJ sucked at Chris’s lower lip, nibbling it and grinding slowly against him. “Maybe next time I’ll fuck you.”
Chris froze; only his training kept him from jerking away. Next time? Fuck? All of that ferocious intensity directed at Chris’s ass? Next time?! Then this wasn’t a one-time thing? This was going to be a recurring event? He was going to have to have sex with AJ behind Joey’s back again? His friendship with Joey wouldn’t survive, his ass wouldn’t survive, his-
“Chris!” Brian’s voice was pleasantly surprised. AJ’s fingernails dug into Chris’s lower back to keep him in place as AJ’s kiss occupied his mouth. “AJ, you didn’t tell me that you and Chris were lovers!”
“Hey,” AJ said, rolling on top of Chris and keeping Chris trapped under his body, running a firm hand up Chris’s chest to hold him down, giving Brian an easy, casual grin, “with Joey out of town, I have to get it somewhere.”
He wanted to say something, but he didn’t want to interrupt Brian’s scene, so he kept his mouth shut and waited for his cue. Brian looked heartbreakingly handsome, in a green T-shirt with his hair curling across his forehead.
“Do you want me to go?” Brian asked. “I don’t want to interrupt anything.”
“I have to get back to Justin,” AJ said, “but if you want to take over, Chris could use some good dick.”
Time alone with Brian, naked time alone with Brian, sex with Brian! Chris had to force himself to stay where he was. Yes, yes, AJ could leave and Brian could stay and Chris could have Brian again, all to himself. After Brian’s phone call earlier, and then having sex with AJ, Chris really, really needed something good to happen to him.
“I’d love to help out,” Brian said cheerfully. “Lube him up for me while I get undressed.”
Unfazed, AJ reached for the lube.
Chris felt like he was in a bad porn flick, but he’d done bad porn scenes with Brian before, and this one was healthier than some of those had been. Raising his knees for AJ, he watched Brian undress. Sneakers first, then socks. AJ pushed a finger into him, then pulled out and pushed in two, twisting and angling deeper. Shirt off; Brian’s chest was lovely and smooth, like no one else had ever been there, allowing Chris the fantasy that dreadlocked, pompous hypocrites didn’t exist. Deep, skilled strokes, right over his prostate, popping little bursts of heat. Thinking about the reality of having AJ’s fingers up his ass wasn’t good, so he didn’t think about it; he thought about Brian, and watched Brian push down jeans and underwear, revealing the most beautiful body in the world in all of its humble glory.
“I’m out,” AJ said, patting his thigh and getting off of the bed.
“Thank you,” Chris said.
“No problem,” AJ said, slipping back into his clothes.
Chris found the ceiling wonderfully captivating for a few minutes - - look at that molding! - - and then AJ was gone and Brian was crawling in between his legs. “I love you so much,” he said, “I’m so happy that you’re here with me.”
“Looks like you were having fun with AJ,” Brian said, already pressing into him, mysteriously having become erect and lubed while Chris’s attention had been elsewhere.
“AJ’s wonderful,” Chris said with a moan. Brian was inside of him, slowly fucking him; wanting more, he ran his hands over Brian’s torso, coaxing Brian closer, deeper. This was so real, so familiar, so exquisitely beautiful, that Chris wanted to cry.
He was crying, he realized. That was strange. Wiping the tears from his face, he said, “I wish that it could be this way all of the time. Just you and me, together, without…complications.”
“If it were just you and me,” Brian said, slowly rocking in and out, “we wouldn’t have your friends, or mine. Or Jacob, either, and you know how I feel about him.”
“You don’t need him,” Chris said desperately, running his hands up Brian’s back. “I can be him, I can be Jacob for you. He doesn’t love you the way I do, Brian, he’s young, he’s-”
“What about you?” Brian asked, frowning, displeased with him. “Do you remember how many other people you were with while I was in love with you? Do you remember all of those women you fucked while you were busy pushing me away? Is that what you call loving me?”
“I was wrong,” Chris said, finding it very inconvenient to have this conversation during sex. “I’m so sorry, Brian, it was unforgivable, but I’m so sorry, I never should have hurt you like that.” Chris cupped Brian’s beautiful face, willing him to understand. “It was one of the hardest times in my life, I did love you, I loved you so much, it-”
“Jacob loves me,” Brian snapped. “If you loved me half as much as he does, you’d realize how good he is for me. He cares about me, he respects me, he’d give up the world for me.”
“So do I,” Chris insisted. “So would I. Brian, I’d give up anything for you, I’d do anything for you. You don’t need him, you don’t need Lance.”
Laughing, Brian kissed him, then picked up a faster stroke. “I know that I don’t need Lance, pet. I’ve never needed Lance before, and I’ll never need him in the future. Kevin doesn’t need you, either, and Howie doesn’t need JC. Do you really think that Nick needs Joey for anything? AJ could get Dan by himself much faster than he is now working with Justin.”
“Then couldn’t you leave Lance alone?” Chris asked, knowing that it was futile but still needing to ask.
With a soft chuckle, Brian rubbed his chest sympathetically. “We’re here because you asked us to be, pet. If you didn’t want us here, you shouldn’t have invited us.”
Chris wrapped his arms around Brian’s shoulders. He didn’t expect to be told the truth, but, “You won’t leave me for Jacob, will you? You won’t let him take my place?”
“Oh, my pet.” Brian smiled. “No one could ever take your place. I hear you, when you tell me how much you love me. I see how much you do for me. I know you, Chris, I know everything about you. I’ve held your heart and your soul and your life in my hands. I’ve watched you change who you are for me, and I’ve let you in to places that I should never let anyone see. What we have is very special to me. I love you more than I ever expected that I would.”
Chris’s heart filled with joy. Brian loved him. Brian really did love him, he knew that sometimes. He’d won Brian over, had gotten to Brian with his sheer, desperate devotion. Brian hadn’t expected him to keep up, had pushed him harder and harder to break him over and over again, to force him to fail, but he’d persisted. He loved Brian too much to let Brian down.
Unfortunately, it was easy for Brian to hurt him. The temptation to play and have fun at his expense was too strong to resist. And it was easy for Brian to set him aside and concentrate on other things, because he was steady and loyal and known; Brian wanted to try out other people and push other buttons. Brian was fond of Chris, but Chris wasn’t interesting anymore.
He didn’t know how to become interesting, either. Chris felt utterly hopeless. What could he do that would keep Brian’s attention?
Unfortunately, it wasn’t new for Chris to experience the ecstasy of sex with Brian while simultaneously feeling utter despair.
“You’re crying again.” Looking curious, Brian brushed soft fingers through his hair but didn’t slow his pace. “What’s wrong?”
He called Erik, but didn’t get an answer.
He didn’t want to go out gambling by himself, but he didn’t have anything else to do or anyone else to go with, and the longer he stayed in his room, the worse he felt about agreeing to come. He should’ve stayed home; he wanted to go home. He’d been invited here; he didn’t deserve to be shoved off in a corner and forgotten about.
He called the Townhouse, but hung up before the first ring; the guys would want to know how L.A. was.
Pocketing his phone, he left his room. He was in the hallway, by the elevators, when his phone rang.
It was Joey. “Hello?”
“Hey, pretty. Are you busy?”
Joey wanted to see him. Smiling, he said, “No, not really. Do you want to meet up?”
Damn, Joey hoped it was new, and not something Nick had been messing around with for years.
He hadn’t gotten laid yet that day, so when Ashley arrived, he decided to get straight to the fucking. Ashley tried to talk to him, probably upset about last night, but he kept kissing and dropping compliments until Ashley gave in.
He fucked Ashley over the table first, then got him on the bed and showed him the vibrator.
Eyes wide, Ashley laughed. “Where’d you get that?”
“You’ve never seen one before?” Joey asked.
“Not in person. It’s blue,” he added, both tickled and bewildered.
“Your girlfriends never had one?”
“God, no, that’s… You don’t want to use it, do you?”
“You’ll love it,” Joey said. “Lie back.”
Realizing that he was serious, Ashley turned red. “Oh, god, this is so weird,” he said, lying back and putting his hands over his face. Spreading his thighs and raising his knees, he said, “You’ll stop when I ask you to, right?”
“Of course,” Joey said. “But you’re not going to want me to stop.” He didn’t know if Ashley’s amazingly quick capitulation was because Ashley was a whore in general or because Ashley couldn’t say no to him; it didn’t matter. Lubing the vibrator, he turned it on, then touched it to Ashley’s hole.
Squirming, Ashley made a nervous sound.
“Relax,” Joey said, and pushed it in. He knew that he should go slower, should coax and tease and make it a fun, erotic experience, but he didn’t really feel like going to all of that trouble. Idly varying the speed, he slid the vibrator in and out, trying different angles, watching it disappear over and over again into Ashley’s ass.
Shifting, Ashley arched his back, raised a knee, cocked his hips. Making a small, choked sound, he brought his thighs together, then spread them wide, rocking into each push.
Joey wasn’t really getting hard from this; it wasn’t all that hot. It wasn’t even all that interesting. Ashley wasn’t hard, either, which was unusual, since he tended to get a hard-on for anything remotely resembling dick.
He still had his hands over his face, too.
Testing, Joey moved his hand faster, pushing the vibrator deeper.
Ashley squirmed, twisting his hips and moving his legs. Shit, he wasn’t getting off on it, he was trying to make himself take it. He fucking hated it and he didn’t even have the balls to say anything!
Yanking the vibrator out, Joey grabbed Ashley’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. Red-faced, Ashley looked both frightened and relieved, panting a little. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Joey demanded. “Learn how to say no!”
Stunned, Ashley stared at him with a bewildered, victimized expression. “I was trying to get used to it.”
“You hated it,” Joey snapped.
“I’ve never done this before,” Ashley said, “and you said that I’d love it, so I-”
Teaching Ashley to stand up for himself went directly against the game, but god fucking damn! “When someone shoves something up your ass and you don’t want it there, say something!”
“I thought that it might get better,” Ashley said.
Joey hadn’t really been trying to make it better. “Never mind,” he said, giving up, sitting back. Shit. “Sorry,” he muttered. He should’ve done it right. How was he supposed to guess that Ashley wouldn’t immediately fall in love with it? Since when were complete whores picky?
“We can still make love,” Ashley said, stroking his thigh.
Nick was going to have a fucking field day. Shit. Joey had to make up for this, fast. He was supposed to treat Ashley well, was supposed to be supportive and loving. Romance, he had to give Ashley some romance. “Let’s go out,” he said, caressing Ashley’s chest and thinking fast. He couldn’t believe that he’d fucked up this badly. He couldn’t believe that Ashley would let him get away with this shit.
He sent Ashley into the shower ahead of himself, then shoved the vibrator into the nightstand drawer and took the bottle of cologne out of Nick’s bag. Placing a quick call to the concierge, he joined Ashley in the shower, washing him and kissing him and flattering him, keeping it sweet and romantic. Ashley soaked it up, and he felt the tension leave Ashley’s body; he hadn’t noticed that it was there in the first place. What the hell was going on?
He really could treat Ashley like shit and get away with it. He could do whatever the hell he wanted, and Ashley would let him, because Ashley was afraid of being dumped. And Ashley wasn’t even his boyfriend.
Damn. That made Joey’s job easier, but he didn’t like it. It almost wasn’t fair, going after someone this fucked up. Then again, Ashley was practically asking to be hurt.
As they dressed, Joey sprayed the cologne on Ashley.
“Oh,” Ashley said, inhaling and looking kind of aroused, “what is that?”
“You like it?” Joey asked. It smelled great. JC would’ve loved it even if it hadn’t come from Nick.
“I love it,” Ashley said, trying to sniff himself, apparently delighted. “This is, it smells like… I don’t know, it’s… I love this, what is it?”
“It’s yours,” Joey said, cupping his face and kissing him. “I got it for you.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” Ashley said, lighting up and hugging him. “Joey, thank you.”
Now all he had to do was keep Nick from telling JC that Nick’s gift to JC had become a gift to Ashley.
Walking into the house, he snapped his fingers and called, “Come here,” while he went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Picking up a bottle of water, he twisted off the cap and took a drink. There wasn’t shit to eat in his house.
“Hey,” Justin said, walking in but hanging back, the table between them. Posture calm, but head slightly tilted down, Justin looked at AJ through his lashes. Submissive, but intact; Brian had messed with him, but he was man enough to take it. Good.
“Out of curiosity,” Lance asked, leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, “you do treat animals better than you treat Justin, don’t you?”
“I don’t fuck animals,” AJ said.
“So, in other words, yes?” Lance asked.
AJ showed Lance his teeth, then took another drink and asked Justin, “You want to order something to eat?”
“Yeah, okay,” Justin said. “Where’ve you been?”
He didn’t have to answer that, but he decided to, anyway. “Brian’s house.”
“Brian was here,” Lance said.
“I know.” He passed Lance a handful of menus. “Make yourself useful. Juju, c’mere, I want to talk to you.” Ridiculous, to have to go to his room for privacy in his own house, but sending Lance out of the room wouldn’t work; Lance wasn’t trained well enough to know not to eavesdrop. In his bedroom with Justin, he closed the door, then tugged Justin into the bathroom for further privacy. “Did Brian get to you?” he asked, looking into Justin’s eyes, bringing his hands up to Justin’s ribcage. Strong, slender, muscular, male body. Justin had a lot of faults, but his body wasn’t one of them.
“He…” Justin shifted uneasily, curving one hand over AJ’s shoulder. “He made me… He did things. And he said…things.”
There was shame all over Justin’s face; he was restless, avoiding eye contact. Skittish, not trusting, but unable to convince his body to stay away from AJ, where it felt safer. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can Brian do anything he wants?” Justin asked. “To me?”
“Yes.” AJ stroked his hands over Justin slowly, soothing him, reassuring him. A sure, firm touch. “What are you worried about him doing?”
Justin’s voice was low, as if the concept was too forbidden to be voiced aloud. “He said that he wants to fist me.”
Interesting. “I don’t know why,” AJ said. “You take it like a bitch.”
Justin’s expression was a confused blend of horrified and offended. “What?”
“You whine and cry and work yourself into a fit,” AJ said. “You can’t take it.”
Incredulous, Justin stared at him, direct eye contact. “It’s a fist up my ass,” he hissed, bordering on showing anger now. “What am I supposed to do while someone’s jamming his entire hand up my ass, bake a cake?”
“Interesting visual,” AJ said. “No, Justin, you’re supposed to take it. Accept it, don’t cry and beg and squirm and squeal.”
“I’d like to see you take it,” Justin snapped.
“I have,” AJ said, unimpressed by Justin’s temper. “You think I’ve never done it? Ask Joey how many times he worked it on me. You think it’s that bad, talk to JC, he takes it like a pro.”
Shocked, disbelieving, Justin leaned away, putting distance between them without breaking physical contact, their hands still on each other. “Joey’s never, you’d never, don’t try to pull that crap on me.”
“Now I’m lying to you?” AJ asked. “Ask him. Call him up and ask him. You’re so weak, you cry over dick, so it’s no surprise you throw a fucking tantrum over anything else, but some of us are better than that.”
“You let people shove their fists up your ass and you think that makes you better?!” Justin demanded. “What the hell is wrong with you, you freak?!”
“When it happened to me, I wanted it, I liked it, I got off on it. When it happened to you, you hated it, you cried through it, you begged for it to stop. But you didn’t stop it yourself, and you let it happen again. And you want to know what’s wrong with me? At least I make sure that sex is a good time. You can’t truly get off unless you’re suffering.”
“He did it to me,” Justin argued. “He did it to me, I didn’t want it, I-”
“All right,” AJ said. He didn’t want to hear it. “I know how this story goes, and I don’t need to listen to it again.” Cupping Justin’s chin in one hand, he kissed Justin’s mouth. “I’m waiting for a compliment on my new shit, when you can get around to it.”
Justin gave him a puzzled look, then a closer inspection, gaze drifting. There; with a surprised blink, he touched AJ’s chest, hooking the new chain on his finger. “Where’d you get this?”
“Present from Brian.”
Another twitch of surprise. “Brian gives you presents?”
“We like to give each other stuff.”
Justin’s gaze flickered; he licked his lips, dropping the chain. “On the phone, you called him your…your lover,” he said, a horrified shudder running through his voice at the very idea of Brian being anyone’s lover.
“And I used to call Howie my pretty baby,” AJ said, looking directly into his eyes. “You asking me something, or just making conversation?”
“Just…just making conversation,” Justin said, backing down.
Ridiculous. “Go make sure Bass isn’t ordering something inedible,” he said, giving Justin a light push toward the door. “I’ll tolerate him in my house as long as you keep him in check.”
“Thanks,” Justin said. Pausing, he looked uncertain. “AJ?”
“Still standing right here,” AJ confirmed, leaning back against the sink.
“Do you have a nickname for Kevin?” he asked, looking as if he expected to be insulted and sent away.
AJ snorted. “No. Kevin’s name is Kevin, and that’s all there is to it.”
Justin nodded, then gave him a look of disbelief. “You used to call Howie your pretty baby?”
“Didn’t we just cover that?” AJ asked.
“You…”
AJ raised his eyebrows, waiting.
Apparently knowing better than to ask, Justin said, “I’ll go check on Lance,” and left.
Smart boy.
“Of course we are,” JC said. He’d throw Erik out the window if he needed to; he was going to see this concert.
“But not together,” Howie said. “I’m going to the venue with Nick. JC and Joey are going together. I’m sure that Ashley’s going, so you can go with him.”
“We can’t be seen in public together?” Erik asked.
“It looks better if we arrive independently,” Howie said. “This is a public event, so we have to be careful.”
“Guess I’m hanging out with Ashley tonight,” Erik said. “We could do something else,” he suggested. “It’s Vegas, there are a lot of other places we could go, where we - - you - - could hang out together.”
“We can’t miss Nick’s show, honey,” JC said. “We’ll hook up after it’s over and spend the rest of the weekend together.” He’d rather ditch Erik entirely and spend the rest of the weekend with Nick, but at least he had his time with Nick on Monday to look forward to.
“It’s kind of weird for Ashley to go,” Erik said. “He’s fucking Joey, and then he shows up for Joey’s boyfriend’s concert?”
“Maybe he won’t go,” JC said. The bitch should’ve stayed home in the first place.
They sat on the bed, facing each other, legs tucked in, knees touching. Brian held Chris’s face in both hands and spoke to him eye-to-eye, slowly and clearly. He listened with great attention as Brian told him, in excruciating detail, about having sex with Jacob. He knew that he should be calm, because Brian’s expression was calm; this was important information, something to record and remember, but it wasn’t upsetting, because Brian looked and sounded very calm about it. It didn’t make sense for him to feel upset or angry or terrified, because Brian had said that this was nothing to worry about, that it was nice and good and very interesting.
Never breaking eye contact, Brian went through everything, step by step. Chris heard all about the hard, wiry strength in Jacob’s slender body, and how it had looked, braced over Brian. The tight ripple of Jacob’s abs and how that had felt against Brian’s erection. The sweet pink of Jacob’s nipples, how they’d drawn up tight at the flick of Brian’s tongue. The way the scruff of hair on his chin felt against Brian’s shoulder when he fucked Brian from behind. The way his dreads brushed against Brian’s skin. The way he whispered sweet, intimate confessions of forever when they made love. The way he moaned when he came. The way that Brian had wanted to pet him and kiss him and keep him close.
Then, finished imparting that very important information, Brian groomed Chris, filing his fingernails, clipping his toenails, trimming his goatee. He was leaning against the edge of the bathroom sink, getting his eyebrows plucked, when Brian asked, “Did you have fun playing with AJ today?”
“Yes,” he said.
Rubbing a finger between Chris’s eyebrows, Brian studied him with a critical eye, then plucked another hair. A quick sting. “If you had the choice,” Brian said, investigating his left eyebrow, “would you rather play with Nick, or with Howie?”
Nick or Howie? “Nick,” he said. That, at least, was an easy answer. Not Howie. “But I’d rather play with you than with anyone else,” he added, touching Brian’s chest, looking into the cool crystal of Brian’s eyes.
Brian smiled at him. “I know.”
It reminded him of Nick. It wasn’t the same cologne that Nick used, but it was similar, somehow, to the way Nick smelled. Indefinably, indescribably arousing. Ashley loved the way that Joey smelled because it was so purely Joey, but Nick’s scent was an undeniable turn-on.
The whole, short disaster with the vibrator had been humiliating. He’d wanted to react well, to prove that he could compete with Nick sexually, to show Joey how good he was in bed. But it had felt strange and stiff and uncomfortable, not erotic and intimate at all. He’d wanted Joey to go slower; he’d wanted to hold it himself, until he got used to it. Lying there, so open and vulnerable, with Joey not touching him anywhere else, not saying anything, just moving that thing back and forth inside him - - it had been like some hideous trip to the doctor’s office. It hadn’t been romantic; it hadn’t even been personal. Impersonal, clinical, like Joey just had some toy to mess around with and Ashley’s ass was a convenient place to put it.
Maybe it was his fault; maybe he wasn’t experienced enough. Other people had vibrators. Joey had expected him to like it.
He was embarrassed about ruining the moment for Joey; he was grateful that Joey hadn’t brought it up again. Maybe if he got a vibrator and practiced, he’d get used to it, or at least learn how to pretend to like it.
The cologne, though, was delicious. He didn’t know what it was for; maybe it was to make up for last night, which had been a disaster. But that was Nick’s fault, not Joey’s. He didn’t blame Joey for Nick being an asshole.
Today more than made up for last night. They gambled, they had lunch at a fabulous restaurant, and they went shopping. Joey joked and smiled and flirted with him, just like before, when they’d been friends. He loved seeing Joey like this, fun and happy. It was the best day they’d had together in a while.
When they got back to the hotel, they made out on the couch. Ashley told Joey that he loved him, and Joey said it back. Running his knuckles along the sexy scratch of Joey’s beard while Joey kissed his neck, Ashley closed his eyes and sank into bliss. It should be like this all of the time. When it was just the two of them, everything was so good. Other people’s intrusions and opinions fucked everything up. If they’d all just leave him and Joey alone, it would be so perfect.
Joey’s phone rang.
“Hey,” Nick said. “How’s Angel?”
“Sexy as hell,” Joey said. “What do you want?”
“Get dressed and come down,” Nick said. “I’m up pretty soon, and I want your ass in that audience.”
Joey checked the time. “Yeah, all right.”
“Get JC,” Nick said. “And bring him backstage when it’s over. I left credentials for you at the front desk.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Wish you were here to suck my dick,” Nick said.
“Pre-show nerves?” Joey asked.
“No, I just like your mouth,” Nick said, sounding completely sincere about it. “Shit, I have to go. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” Joey said, and hung up. He thought about just wearing what he had on, but they’d probably go out after the show. “That was Nick,” he told Ashley. “He wants me to get ready and go down.”
“Do you have a ticket?” Ashley asked.
“No,” Joey admitted. He hadn’t put any thought into getting one.
“I guess I’d better get one,” Ashley said. He’d looked happier and happier all afternoon; his glow had vanished at Nick’s call.
When Ashley got up from the couch, Joey kissed him, looking into his eyes. “We’ll meet up after the show.”
“All right,” Ashley said, but his pretty smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t trust Joey’s word anymore. He knew how easily he could be thrown over for Nick.
Joey kissed him again, gently, and caressed his jaw. Time to speak Ashley’s language. “I had a good time with you today. It was nice, just us. It’s great to get away from everything and be together.”
That did the trick; Ashley left with a bit of that glow around him again. Joey wondered how long pushing that button would work. Being treated badly was wearing on Ashley, fast. The good news was that Ashley seemed incapable of actually standing up for himself to the point of leaving Joey for good, or even threatening to. So Joey could basically do whatever he wanted, and still have Ashley pathetically waiting for attention.
His brain brought up the parallel of Justin and Kevin.
A dark whisper in the back of his mind, hastily silenced, brought up him and AJ.
They kept grooming each other. JC fussed at Howie’s hair, Howie checked JC’s shave, JC clasped Howie’s jewelry, Howie sprayed JC’s cologne.
Maybe Erik wasn’t bi after all. Maybe Howie and JC were girls.
Erik had gone down to his room, showered, changed, and come back, all while JC had tried to decide what to wear. Apparently, pondering the contents of one freaking suitcase was really hard for someone who went to concerts all of the damned time.
“You know this is just Nick, right?” Erik asked. “It isn’t like you’re going to meet Madonna.” He noticed Howie’s amused smile and raised eyebrow, and rolled his eyes. “I mean, he’s your friend, you see him all of the time. It’s like Justin, other people give a crap but to you he’s just that kid you hang out with.”
“JC looks good wherever he goes,” Howie said.
“Especially in Vegas,” JC said.
Howie’s phone rang; Erik handed it to him. “Hello,” Howie said, absentmindedly rubbing Erik’s shoulder and watching JC fix his hair for the twenty-seventh time. “I’ll be there in about five minutes. Yeah. Yeah, he’s getting ready. Yeah. Yeah.” Howie chuckled; JC dropped the mousse. “Yeah, all right. Okay. Five minutes.” Hanging up, Howie said, “I’d better go.” Pocketing his phone, he stepped over and put his hands on JC’s hips, kissing him gently. “I’ll meet you backstage after the show.”
“Backstage,” JC repeated, like it had surprised him. “I didn’t know if - - with you and Joey, I thought that it might be too crowded.”
“It’ll be all right,” Howie said. “Nick left your pass with Joey’s. I’ll meet you there. I’m sure that Nick would like to hear you tell him what a great job he did.” Howie smiled. “You look fabulous, JC. What do you think, Erik-Michael,” Howie ran his hand over JC’s chest, smoothing his shirt and stroking his muscle, “is JC the sexiest man you’ve ever seen?”
“Definitely,” Erik said. No contest.
“And Erik-Michael’s seen Ashley naked, so he knows what he’s talking about,” Howie said, winking.
Smiling, JC kissed Howie. “Thank you.”
Ashley? Seriously? “You have a much better body than Ashley,” Erik said. “You look better naked than any guy I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you, honey,” JC said.
Grinning, Erik asked, “What, I don’t get a thank you kiss?”
“You get a good-bye kiss, first,” Howie said, and kissed him, a soft brush of lips. Licking his lips, Erik watched Howie kiss JC and leave.
“Erik-Michael,” JC smiled, “how many men have you seen naked?”
“You want a number?” he asked. Giving it some honest thought, he frowned. “After high school?”
“I said men,” JC said, “not boys.”
Okay, fair enough. “Only four, I guess, plus about a million of them in porn. Plus you and Howie.”
“One million six,” JC said, laughing.
“Maybe a thousand six,” Erik said. “I’m not that much of a perv. Besides, you’re hotter than Ashley with your clothes on, too.”
Smiling, JC reached over and caressed his cheek. “I don’t get the ‘you look better than any guy in clothes I’ve ever seen’ compliment?”
“I might have to save that one for Howie,” Erik said. “I can’t give you everything.”
With a bashful, embarrassed smile, JC touched at his hair as the doors opened. “Can we just go and not make fun of me?”
“I think that you deserve to be made fun of,” Joey said, stepping onto the elevator. “Do you have tickets?”
“Yeah,” JC said. Of course he did. “Howie got them. Is, uh,” he looked pissed at himself for asking, “is Ashley going?”
“If he can get in,” Joey said. “You really shouldn’t give a shit about him,” he pointed out. “He’s stupid, he’s weak, he’s pathetic, he’s stood up for himself maybe one time since I’ve met him, he can’t say no… He’s not a man, he’s a scared little gerbil.”
“Gerbil?” JC asked, laughing.
“The kind that wets itself when you pick it up,” Joey said. “Anyone who’d want an incontinent gerbil over you, has his head so far up his own ass, he literally has shit for brains. So don’t worry about it. If this is a contest, you’ve already won.”
“You’re sure you want me back here?” Howie asked, looking in the mirror and fixing his hair.
“If you’re out there, you’ll be too distracting,” Nick said, slipping into a second shirt. “I want you behind me.”
“I’ve always got your back,” Howie said with a wink.
Nick grinned. “I know it.”
When he sang “Who Needs the World,” Joey recognized it as one of the songs written in the back of the poetry book. It was a damned romantic song, considering.
For the most part, he paid no attention whatsoever to JC and Joey, which Joey appreciated, since less publicity was best in this situation. In fact, he didn’t seem to notice that Joey was there at all. Once, between songs, he looked right over at JC, a lingering glance, as if he were really taking something in. Then he looked away, licking his lips, and started, “Heart without a Home.”
When it was time to begin the third song from the book, “I Got You,” he said, looking at nothing and no one in particular, “This one’s for you, baby.”
Joey hated not being able to tell what the hell Nick was up to. If he was fucking with JC, and he had to be, then he was doing one hell of a job. If he was sincere, which he couldn’t be, then why did he keep denying JC access? Why not just be with someone he claimed to want to be with?
It was fucked up as hell to dedicate songs to someone while onstage and then ignore him offstage. There was no chance that Nick had meant anyone else, either; he called JC “baby” about as often as Joey called Ashley “pretty,” as if he couldn’t be bothered to use, or remember, JC’s actual name.
Or maybe that was typical of Nick; maybe he did that with all of his girlfriends and boyfriends. Maybe this time he meant someone else entirely.
He had no idea where Howie and JC and Joey were. He and Ashley were in the back, trying to go unnoticed.
Ashley was definitely hot for Nick. Erik hoped that Ashley learned to hide it or Joey went blind, because it was freakishly obvious. What with the darkness and the screaming, it was hard for Erik to catch everything, but Ashley looked absolutely captivated. It was like the moment Nick stepped onstage, Ashley fell under the influence of some weird spell. He stared like he couldn’t see anything but Nick; his mouth was open, and he didn’t say anything the entire time. His cheeks were really red and he probably had a hard-on, but Erik wasn’t looking.
Erik really wasn’t sure what the big deal was.
Then again, Ashley probably wanted to be Nick when he grew up.
“My love needs me,” Brian said gently, stroking his hair with a pitying, loving touch.
“We could play whatever you want,” Chris said. “We could be Nick and JC. We could go back in time, you could take my virginity again. I could rape you,” he offered with great desperation, panic in his bloodstream. “You love it when I rape you.” Even the unthinkable, even the most terrible, he’d do it, he’d get through it, if only he could have Brian to himself tonight, if only he could keep Brian here.
“Chris, my pet,” Brian said, placing a tender kiss on his lips. “I have to go to my love. He’s my first priority right now.”
Chris was Brian’s love, had been, should be. “I love you,” he insisted, pleading, scared. “I love you more than he does, I’ve given you more than he has, he’ll never appreciate you like I do, he’ll never love you like I can. He’s too young, he’s too arrogant, he doesn’t understand you, he-”
Brian’s finger touched his lips, and he fell silent.
“If you love me,” Brian said, “if you understand me as much as you say that you do, then you know that I have to be with Jacob tonight, and you’ll let me go. If you don’t respect my priorities, if you don’t know that I have to put the game ahead of you sometimes, then we don’t need to see each other anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Brian,” Chris said immediately. “I respect you, I respect your priorities, I love you enough to understand when you have to be away from me.”
“Give me a kiss to give to Jacob,” Brian said.
Being asked to kiss Brian was a wonderful treasure; why did that make his stomach twist? He kissed Brian, gently, on the lips.
“Good-bye, pet,” Brian said, and opened the door for him to go.