Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-July 30, 2007 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part ninety-two

            “Because we live in an advanced society where ice doesn’t melt,” Chris said, venturing across the ice.  Not bad.  “I still remember how to do this.”

            “Good for you,” Trevor said, still keeping both hands on the rail.  “Now how do I keep my ass from hitting the ground?”

            Brian had brought him here.  He remembered how pink Brian’s cheeks had been, remembered how Brian had laughed and shivered when his cold hands had slipped under Brian’s warm clothes, remembered how very blue and very sparkly Brian’s eyes had been.

            “I can do this,” Trevor said to himself, holding one arm out for balance.  “I can do this.”

            “You can do whatever you need to do,” Chris said.  Brian had said that to him, once.  He’d learned, quickly, how true it was.  He could do a lot of things, for Brian.  He’d do anything for Brian.  And he’d proven it, over and over again.

            It was easier, showing the tape to JC and Howie, than it would be to share it with someone else.  Since he’d committed various sexual acts with each of them in front of the other, having sex with someone else in front of them was less jarring than having sex in front of anyone else would be.

            Having it all up there onscreen was still embarrassing and bizarre, though.  Did he always grunt like that during sex?  Why hadn’t anyone told him?  Why hadn’t anyone stopped him?

            Howie and JC seemed really into it, which was monumentally reassuring.  They kept talking about him, kept talking about how good he was and how much they wanted him.  Right in his lap.

            Despite all of that, he still didn’t know where the hell he stood with them.  Were they going to get all hot and bothered, and then fuck each other and ask him to leave?  They were going to invite him to join them, weren’t they?  They wouldn’t talk about how great he was in bed and feel each other up right in front of him - - practically on top of him - - and then tell him to get out.  They couldn’t.

            Howie and JC seemed surprised when he talked Lisa into letting him backdoor her, but they didn’t seem to dislike it.  In fact, as soon as it was over, Howie paused the tape, and before Erik could blink, JC was naked and asking for it.  It had only been a few days, but the sight of JC’s nudity still sent Erik’s hormones into overdrive, and when JC turned to him, Erik’s dick throbbed.  JC was asking for it, JC’s body was begging for it, he was in, he was back, this was it.

            JC was right under him, rocking and grinding, and the way JC kept undulating reminded Erik of nothing but sex.  “I want to feel it,” JC panted, and with a low, hungry sound, JC kissed him, knees rising to give him access to that sweet, hungry spot.  JC was naked, and Erik’s hands slid across bare flesh, absolutely thrilled to feel the familiar muscles and planes again.

            Hot for it, Erik toyed between JC’s splayed legs, cupping his balls and stroking his piercing, making him writhe.  “I kept thinking about you,” Erik confessed.  JC’s kisses were hungry, passionate, taking.  “I kept wanting you.”

            “Give it to me like you gave it to her,” JC said, his voice tense, his body twisting, undulating, working itself against Erik’s touch.  “Oh, god,” his blunt nails raked down Erik’s arm, “it feels so, it feels so, Howie…”

            “I know,” Howie said, his hand sliding between their bodies, running over JC’s chest.  JC visibly relaxed, inhaling, and Erik shifted back a bit, giving them room.  “You have to use your fingers, first,” Howie said, caressing JC’s neck, stroking JC’s nipples.  “And you can’t have him all night.”  Leaning down, Howie kissed JC, gently, slowly, fingers trailing across JC’s collarbone.  “I can’t wait to make love to you,” Howie whispered.

            “I know,” JC said, shivering, fingers tensing on Erik’s shoulder as he ground up against Erik’s erection a little.  “Oh, Howie…”

            While they kissed, Erik was tempted to just watch them and jack off, but he’d just been invited back into bed with them, and he couldn’t waste time.  As JC’s hand left him in favor of caressing Howie, Erik took the lube from Howie’s other hand, kissing down JC’s chest.

            Brian’s caresses were even more frequent than ever; they were still very intimate, but not necessarily more sexual.  They still turned Jacob on, but that didn’t seem to be Brain’s intention.  Brian just liked to touch him.  A lot.

            When Brian undressed for bed, he stripped absolutely naked; following suit, Jacob grew warm with anticipation.  They shared something now, something that no one could deny them, and he wanted to experience as much of it as he could.  Last night, they’d changed their relationship, fundamentally, irrevocably.  After a long day spent only with each other, what might happen between them tonight?

            “It’s so new to me,” Brian said, as Jacob crawled into bed with him.  Beneath the sheets, Brian’s hand slid over Jacob’s thigh, blunt nails scratching lightly up the back.  “Wanting a man.  Looking at a man and being turned on.  But I like it, it makes this different, it makes this special.”

            “I’ve never felt anything like this, before,” Jacob said.  “It makes sense that there are a lot of new experiences to go with it.”

            “Yes, new experiences,” Brian agreed, sliding closer.  “I want to experience everything that’s different.  Come here,” he ran his hand down the back of Jacob’s thigh again, coaxing Jacob forward, pulling Jacob’s leg over his.  “I want to feel you against me.”

            Jacob had done his best to keep exactly that from happening, not wanting Brian to be turned off by the evidence of his hard-on when they kissed, but now, their groins met, stomachs pressed together, thighs sliding against and between each other.  There was bold intimacy here, undeniable evidence of Jacob’s very male sexuality, and without the heated passion of the moment to distract Brian from the reality of it.

            “I love your body,” Brian said, one hand sliding down over his ass.  “It’s so sexy.  And it’s so different, it’s so,” his hips rocked slightly as his hand slid up Jacob’s chest, “firm and muscular.  I’ve never been with anyone who makes me feel like such an equal.”  Brian kissed him, hips rolling against his arousal, fingers stroking and teasing his nipple.  It was amazing to be wanted like this, especially by Brian, when he’d been so worried about how Brian might react.

            But of course Brian understood; of course Brian would see right away how right this was, how necessary it was for their relationship.  Their hearts and souls were already united; why keep their bodies apart?  It wasn’t even about their bodies, it was about them as people, each other; he’d want to share this with Brian no matter what Brian looked like.

            Since it was Brian, though, the sight was perfection; Brian’s strong arms and round ass and long, thick erection and everything else below the neck were just as beautiful as his handsome, striking face.

            Moaning, Brian kissed him harder, hands flowing over his body as his dick shoved and throbbed against Brian’s.  “Feels so good to have you in my arms,” Brian said, his voice warm and breathless.  “Feels so good, feels like you, you’re so strong and fierce and quick inside and so tight and hard outside, so good in my arms, so good…”

            “So right,” Jacob panted, hot and tense with the need to come, his hands gripping the backs of Brian’s thighs to get Brian’s dick to slide against his just a little faster.

            Groaning, Brian rolled onto his back, dragging Jacob over him.  “I want to feel it,” he said, kissing Jacob, his fingers tangling in Jacob’s hair, his thighs spreading.  “I want to feel you.”

            Suddenly in charge, Jacob hesitated, but his body didn’t want to wait.  His hips picked up the pace Brian had set, pushing it a little faster, dick sliding and rubbing across Brian’s stomach.  Instead of panicking at the sensation, Brian moaned, pushing up against him, which felt so good he got lost in it, rocking, thrusting, groaning as pleasure built.  God, this was right, this was so right, sharing this together, making love together, experiencing this hot, carnal ecstasy together, coming now, now, together.

            As the white-hot burst of orgasm subsided, Brian breathed heavily in his ear, fingers sliding up through his hair.  Brian’s body was solid and firm and masculine, and Brian’s neck smelled faintly of vanilla, and Jacob was very, very close to heaven.

            “I don’t usually come this fast,” Brian said.

            Snickering, Jacob laughed against his shoulder.

            “I don’t,” Brian protested; Jacob felt Brian’s laughter shake his body.  “There’s something about you, it speeds everything up.”

            “It’s my incredible sex appeal,” Jacob decided, rolling his eyes and shifting off of Brian to one side.

            “It is,” Brian agreed, kissing him, pressing close again.  Then, with a chuckle, Brian touched at the sticky cum on his chest.  “After all of this time, it looks like it’s finally my turn to join my friends in keeping cleaning supplies by the bed.”

            Shit.  Justin had hoped that AJ would just leave him alone for once.  “Can we sleep here?  Lance can stay with me tonight, and you can have your bed all to yourself.”

            “You’ll wake up screaming and I’ll have to deal with it.  No,” AJ said.  “Come on.”  He clapped his hands once, then made a “come on” gesture to illustrate.  He’d already stripped down to his boxer-briefs, so apparently he was ready to go straight to bed.

            “Lance will be with me,” Justin said.  “I’ll be fine.  I’ve slept with him before, it-”

            “Do I look like I want to argue about this?” AJ asked.  “Get your ass in my bed.”

            Damn it.  Justin didn’t want to launch into a full-scale argument, so he turned to Lance.  “Can you stay?  You can sleep in here.  Then maybe we can hang out tomorrow.”

            “Sure,” Lance said.

            It would have to do.  Justin hugged him, whispering, “This sucks, but I love you,” and then followed AJ from the room.

            “How’s your ass?” AJ asked when he got into bed.

            “It’s okay.”  He hated it when Kevin spanked him.  It was so fucking humiliating.  Like he was a naughty four-year-old.  “Is Dan okay?  Can we check on him?”

            “He’s fine,” AJ said.  “Kevin says that everything’s set up, all of the cameras are working, and Dan’s just snoozing away.”

            Kevin was watching Dan.  Justin’s brain didn’t like that.

            “You want a quick dance?” AJ asked, kissing him, palming his ass.

            “No,” he said, but he kissed AJ back, shifting to bring their bodies closer together.  “Thank you for letting me come along to see Dan.”

            “You’ve done a good job of keeping your shit together,” AJ said, palm sliding across his back.

            “You’ve been,” it was strange to say, “good to me.”  He hesitated, then met AJ’s eyes.  “Thanks.”

            “You don’t want to fuck because Lance is here,” AJ said.  “You don’t want him to hear you taking it.”

            Kevin had been very private, and Justin had never had sex with a man that his friends had seen or heard.  But it wasn’t like sex with AJ was all that quiet.  Although he and AJ couldn’t possibly be as loud as AJ and Joey.

            AJ shrugged, taking his lack of argument as confession.  “Your body will let me know when you need it.”

            He couldn’t fight the fact that his body had its own relationship with AJ.  “Do you want me to get you off?”  He didn’t want to offer, much less do it, but he was aware of his limited worth as a cunt; he couldn’t afford to deny AJ sex, since he had nothing else to contribute.

            Another shrug; the backs of AJ’s fingers ran up and down his arm.  “Maybe in the morning.”

            Tightening his arms around AJ, wishing for Dan, aching for Kevin, Justin sank his fingers into the thick curls at AJ’s nape.  He closed his eyes.  He had to ask now, he couldn’t not ask anymore: “You didn’t do anything to Dan, did you?”

            “That’s my business,” AJ said.  “What you don’t know, you don’t need to know.”

            Fear shuddered through Justin’s body.  “You can’t-”

            That couldn’t even come close to whatever AJ did to his unconscious victims.  “I wanted to be there beside him.  I just, I wanted to lay down with him.”

            “And wake him with a kiss?” AJ asked, lips brushing his throat.

            No.  Yes, but no.  He did his best to avoid those thoughts now.  “Dan doesn’t want that from me.”

            “You’ve had to make yourself sexually available to men you don’t want anywhere near you,” AJ said.  “It must rip your soul apart to be rejected by the only man you can trust to treat you right.”

            Justin swallowed.  “Kevin treats me right.  He gives me what I, what I deserve.”

            “Dan gives it to me,” AJ said.  “He kisses me, he fucks me, he wants me.  All I have to do is ask, all I have to do is snap my fingers, and he’ll come to me and give me whatever I want.  You throw yourself at him, naked, begging, and he shoves you away.”

            Justin didn’t want to think about that, didn’t want to let AJ’s words in.  “Dan’s too good for me.  He’s too good for both of us, and you know it.”

            “What I know,” AJ said, blunt, painted nails running across Justin’s shoulder, “is that when I touch him, he comes.  He may be your precious white knight, Justin, but he’s my horse to ride.”

            But he couldn’t resist JC and Howie.  It was like an illness, an addiction; it was like he was sick.  He felt sick; dinner churned unpleasantly in his stomach, like it would prefer to rise back out.

            When they started on dessert and JC licked cream from Howie’s fingers, Erik broke out into a sudden sweat and finished his third glass of wine.  Maybe he could get away with this one last time, just tonight.  Share their bed, have a good time, and then go back to just being friends.  This weekend was a special treat, but it could be over after this, it had to be over.  They were together; he was straight.  He wanted to be straight.  He’d love to be straight again.  They didn’t need him anymore, and they weren’t going to keep him around forever.  He had to get used to being without them; he had to go back to his old ways, his old life.

            He tried, he did.  When dinner ended, he left the table, he said good night.  And then Howie said good night, and kissed him.

            Immediately, dangerously hot all the way through his body, Erik groaned, hungry for more of that soft, commanding kiss.  Weak, unable to resist, he ran eager hands over Howie’s muscular body, treasuring the feel of obvious masculinity, panting for it, and when Howie began to back up, he followed, caught in Howie’s kiss, making desperate, whimpering noises at the force of his own need.

            Stripping Howie was easy, came naturally to him by now, and when Howie relaxed back on the bed, he buried his face in Howie’s groin, his hands shaking as he stroked hard thighs.  When Howie came with a soft, pleased, nearly inaudible sigh, JC slid between their bodies, cool and pale and slender, easing him closer, drinking Howie’s cum from his mouth, licking up all traces of it.  He didn’t want to fuck JC again, but he needed to, oh, god, he needed to, and when JC put the bottle in his hand and whispered, “Touch me, honey, touch me, please,” there was no turning back.

            Taking his cold popsicle from his mouth, Chris touched it to Trevor’s naked arm until Trevor yelped and pulled away.  “Am I ever okay?” he asked, curious about Trevor’s opinion on the subject.

            “Yeah,” Trevor said, rolling onto his back and untangling the sheets from his legs.  “Sometimes.”

            That was a more generous answer than his own opinion, which could be summed up by the words “hell” and “no.”  Still, it was nice to know that his almost-boyfriend thought that he was occasionally sane.  He fellated his popsicle and thought about that.

            “You’ve seemed kind of worried about something,” Trevor said.

            Dan, primarily.  Himself, less so; although he didn’t like knowing that he was willing to drug people just because a Backstreet Boy wanted him to, he was hardly surprised.  It didn’t comfort him at all to know that, had anything gone wrong, he’d essentially murdered Dan Miller.  A quick message from Kevin had assured him that the house-bugging had gone just fine, so he supposed that Dan was, so far, reasonably okay.  Still…  “Where did you say that your friends are?” he asked, to discuss something else.

            “L.A.,” Trevor said.  “I heard that JC and Howie are back together, and they’re in Vegas with Nick and Joey.”

            “Ah,” Chris said.  “Hmm.  Yeah, I heard something about that, too.”  He traded popsicles with Trevor.  Mmm, grape.

            “If you ever, you know, want to join in the fun and tag along next time your friends go off to Vegas together, I’ll go with you,” Trevor said.  “For the record.  If you were curious.”

            “Hmm,” Chris said.  “Ah.”  He sucked on his popsicle.  “Maybe next time.”

            “I wouldn’t mind running off to L.A. with you, either.”

            Interesting.  “What about running off to Greenland with me?” Chris asked, giving the popsicle one of Nick’s moves.

            Trevor’s eyes crossed.  “Do that again.”

            “Hmm?” Chris asked, sucking innocently.  “Greenland, I said.”

            Visibly shaking it off, Trevor refocused.  “What?  Yeah, I’d go to Greenland with you.  Or Iceland.  Or Ireland.”

            Swazi-who?  Eyeing Trevor with open suspicion, Chris asked, “Is that a real place?”

            “It’s a country in Africa,” Trevor said.  “I did a report on it in tenth grade.  You did go to school, didn’t you?”

            “Excuse me if tenth grade was more than a few years ago,” Chris said, indignantly switching popsicles.

            “So you’re old and your memory’s shot?” Trevor asked.

            “It’s all part of my considerable charm,” Chris said, giving the popsicle a few Howie licks.

            After biting his lips, licking them, and making a sexually aggravated noise, Trevor asked, “Could you give me head?”

            “My mouth is ice-cold,” Chris said.  He tried a little teeth, AJ-style.  “If you’d like to kiss my mouth to warm it up, though, I wouldn’t complain.”

            “Okay,” Trevor said, tugging him closer with a grin.  “I’m not too proud to kiss a forgetful old geezer.”

            For that, Chris had to run a popsicle down his back.

            Friend, boyfriend, lover, soul mate, they were all of those things to each other, and more.  There was no word for this, no label.  It just was.

            With his arm around Brian’s waist, he fell asleep with Brian’s fingers in his hair, Brian’s kiss on his lips.

            “Hey, it’s Nick.  Stop by my room when you get a chance.”

            No attitude?  Nick tended either to be an arrogant ass, or a kind of fun and sexy and teasing arrogant ass, but that message had been strangely free of personality.  What was that about?  Maybe he’d had an audience?

            Joey played another couple of hands, then finished his drink and went upstairs.  No sense in running at Nick’s beck and call.

            Opening the door for him, Nick swatted him as he entered.  “Glad I didn’t actually need you for anything.  Thanks for taking ten years to get here.”

            “You said to come by when I had a chance,” Joey said.  “Took me a while to have a chance.”

            Closing the door, Nick kissed him and handed him a drink.  “Win anything?”

            He shrugged.  “Broke even.”  He took a sip.  Damn, that was good.  “Everything go okay with Ashley?”

            “He’s a whore,” Nick said.  “I said you’d see him tomorrow.”

            “Tomorrow?” Joey repeated.  What?  “I’m supposed to see him tonight.”

            “So you’ll see him tomorrow instead,” Nick said, looking irritated.  “Does it matter?”

            “You’d give me hell if I changed the script on you!  We’re supposed to be in this together, or at least that’s what everybody keeps saying.  Why is it suddenly okay for you to pull this shit?”

            “I’m here in Vegas, I’m performing tomorrow, this is my first night in town, and my boyfriend’s off fucking some other guy?” Nick asked.  “Fuck that, you’re spending the night with me.”

            What the fuck?!  “I’m not your boyfriend!”

            “You are, and I’d never put up with that kind of shit,” Nick said.  “You think it doesn’t give Ashley one hell of an edge if you end up in his bed tonight?  You’re my boyfriend, god damn it, this is my weekend, and you’re not spending our first night in Vegas fucking some bitch!”

            Holy fuck, they were about to fight over Ashley like any of this was real.  Joey suddenly felt torn between his boyfriend and his slut on the side, and that made him realize how fucked up this all was.  God, this had gone way too far.  He needed a fucking break.  Maybe taking the night off from Ashley would be good for him.  “Hell,” he said, knocking back the rest of his drink and handing the glass to Nick, “make me another.  You want to go out or something?”

            “I’d like to get laid and go to sleep,” Nick said.  “Some of us have to perform tomorrow, and I don’t want to look like shit.”

            Should’ve come here with AJ.  “Want me to fuck you?”

            “Right,” Nick said, setting the glass aside, “like it’s going to be a lot better when you’re drunk?”

            “I’m not your fucking ass boy,” Joey snapped.  “You want to get laid, you’ll fucking take it.”

            “Whoa,” Nick said, stepping back, hands raised.  “Get over yourself.  You can fuck me, if it’s that goddamned important to you, but you’d better suck me off when you’re done.”

            “All of a sudden you take it twice in one day?” Joey sneered.  “I thought you didn’t do that.”

            “You’ve already done it, it isn’t like I can take it back,” Nick said.  “You’re my boyfriend, I might as well let you get some once in a while.  But none of that rough shit,” Nick warned him, poking him in the chest.  “I’m not putting up with that crap.”

            Not bothering to respond to that, Joey headed for the bed, undressing along the way.

            “So fucking considerate,” Nick muttered, pulling off his own clothes.  “I was a genius when I chose you for a boyfriend.”  When he got on the bed, Joey ignored his bullshit comments and kissed him.  Being drunk and tired made it a little harder to get it up than usual, but eventually it got there, so he rolled Nick over and went in.

            He closed his eyes and thought about AJ.  Then Nick bitched that he was fucking too hard, so he thought about Ashley, but then Nick shoved him off and rolled over and bitched at him for something else; he stopped listening.  By the time Nick was finished complaining, he wasn’t hard enough anymore, so he had to work it back up.

            “Good fucking god,” Nick muttered, and cleaned him off and went down on him.  It felt so good, he went ahead and came down Nick’s throat.  “Now don’t say I never do shit for you,” Nick said, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand, sitting up.

            He gestured at Nick’s dick.  “You want me to-”

            “Don’t worry about it.”  Nick pushed him down to the pillows.  “Just go to sleep.”

            He closed his eyes, feeling the sheet settle over him, vaguely hearing Nick mutter about his “stupid drunk ass.”  Then he felt Nick slide in warmly against him, felt Nick kiss him.

            “I love you,” Nick said, “and next time you want to smack and pinch and slap my ass like that, you’d better fucking check with me first, because I’m not going to put up with your crap like your little bitch does.”

            Ashley loved it, but Nick was fucking built for it.  That was one gorgeous ass.  “Love you, too,” Joey said, and then he fell asleep.

            Why was he here?  To be with Joey, because Joey had invited him, but Joey was with Nick.  This was Nick’s weekend, Nick’s trip.  Ashley didn’t belong here.

            Why was he here?  To get away from Brian.  But no one believed him about Brian, anyway.  Dan believed him, and Joey believed him, but Joey had made him apologize to Nick, as if he’d lied, as if it had never happened, as if Brian hadn’t molested him.

            He loved Joey, but Joey never put him first.

            No one ever put him first.

            Joey loved him, but Joey loved Nick, too.  And Ashley couldn’t stop that from happening.  He could yell and scream and wave his arms, but Joey wouldn’t step out of the speeding car’s path.

            All he could do was wait.  Be patient.  Prove himself, slowly and steadily.  Be supportive, be there for Joey, consistently, constantly.

            Someday, Joey would see the truth.  It would just take time.

            He’d just have to be second-best for a while longer.

            Someday, Joey would love him more.

            Someday, Joey would put him first.

            Ashley pulled the curtains shut to block out the busy, flashing nights of the unending Vegas night, curled up in bed, and closed his eyes.

            He tried to remember good times with Joey, to think about the better moments so that he’d calm down enough to fall asleep, but all his brain offered him was one, confusingly perfect moment.

            “This is your angel spot,” Nick murmured, kissing him there again.  “This is where angel wings grow.”

            “You live for dick and you know it.  You live for it, you lie for it, you’d trade your soul and sell out your friends to get more of it.  You’re sick and you’re desperate and you’re a filthy dirty lying cunt, you little bitch, and you aren’t even smart enough to hide it.  If you’re smart enough to understand anything, then understand this: I know what you really are.”  Brian’s eyes looked right through Ashley, into him, for what seemed like an eternity.  Ashley had never felt more exposed in his life.  Then Brian blinked and instantly his eyes filled with pure hatred.  “Get a clue, bitch,” he said, already turning away.  “The only thing worse than a whore is a stupid whore.”

            “Completely in his element,” JC said.  “The way he touched her, the way he moved, he was so assertive.”

            “He knew exactly what he was doing,” Howie said.

            They were still talking about it?  They hadn’t gotten enough of that last night?  Pretending that he was still asleep, Erik listened, unmoving, as they murmured to each other across him.

            “There was something so focused about him,” JC said.  “It was all about giving her pleasure.  He’s such a generous lover.”

            “I’d like to be able to focus on him like that,” Howie said.  “Put him on the other end of it.”

            “You did, once,” JC said.

            “That was about you,” Howie said.  A slow, lingering caress, right on his ass.  “I want to make it about Erik-Michael.”

            Okay, time to wake up.  Opening his eyes, he feigned a yawn and asked, “Why do I think you’ve been talking about me?”

            “Good morning, honey,” JC said, and kissed him.  It was a great kiss, long and deep, arousing enough to make him kind of okay with the way Howie was slowly, repeatedly stroking the cleft of his ass.  After a while, though, still kissing JC, he reached back and found Howie’s hand, bringing it forward to where he really wanted it, on his dick.

            Chuckling softly in his ear, Howie caressed his arousal.

            Yeah, so maybe he was a coward, but as long as he could continue to get away with it, he was okay with that.

            “I know,” Brian said, holding him tightly.  “I know you love me, you just showed it to me, you just gave it to me.  I’ll remember this forever, it’ll be with me forever.”

            “It was so special,” Jacob said, his heart still pounding from it, even now.  “It was so beautiful, Brian, it was so spiritual, we shared everything, it was so intense.”

            “Are you all right?” Brian asked.  “I don’t want you to go if you’re not all right.”

            That got a strained laugh from him.  “I don’t want to go at all.  I’m more than all right, I feel like a whole new person.  Everything’s so different now, so different from when I walked into this house.  Different even from when I woke up this morning.”

            “It changes everything,” Brian said, stroking his hair, “but it doesn’t change anything.  The love between us has been so strong and so deep from the beginning, I can’t love you more now than I did before.  But I do, anyway, I do, I love you so much more, Jacob, I love you with infinite depth and infinite strength.  Thank you for sharing this with me.  Thank you for giving yourself to me.”

            He couldn’t have held anything back this morning; he’d already given the entirety of himself to Brian in his heart.

            Brian.

            Quickly excusing himself and going down the hallway, closing himself into a closet, Chris asked, “Brian?”

            “Lance, hi,” Brian said.  “I’m on my way out, and I know that this deserves a face-to-face meeting, but I couldn’t wait to tell you.  I just had sex with Jacob.”

            That brief glimpse of pale arm.

            Kevin.

            “You’ll never be able to use that pathetic overgrown clit.  No man would ever let you.  No woman would ever want you to.  You freakish little bitch.”

            “I love you,” Dan said.  “I love you, Justin, and you have to tell me what I can do to help you.  I can’t leave you there.”

            “You aren’t a man, Justin, you’re a whore.  You’re a cunt, a hole that’s only good for stuffing, and you’re not even very good at that.”

            “It rips me apart to hear you cry,” Dan said softly.  “It kills me to hear you say those things.”

            “Do you know why you won’t get a threesome tonight?  Because even your best friends don’t want you.  They know you too well.”

            “I don’t want you to hide anything from me,” Dan said.  “Don’t keep things from me just because they’re ugly.”

            Pressing his shaking hands to AJ’s body, Justin buried his face against AJ’s chest and exhaled, closing his eyes and struggling with the voices in his head.  He’d used to live with Kevin in there, and he’d fought Kevin alone, but now Dan was there, too.

            Dan wasn’t Kevin, wasn’t as powerful.  But his words were in Justin’s thoughts now, and Justin wanted to trust him.  Wanted so badly to believe him.

            But Dan didn’t know the truth.  Dan didn’t know about Kevin.

            He heard a yawn and felt AJ rub the back of his head.  “Demons haunting you again?” AJ asked.

            “Dan.”  He wasn’t allowed to ask for the phone.

            “Yeah?”  AJ kept rubbing his hair, slowly, meditatively.

            No longer shaking, paradoxically more secure with AJ’s affection, Justin wrapped an arm around AJ’s waist.  Having AJ in charge of his life was terrible, but gave him moments of false safety.  He and AJ had a strange understanding of each other.  “I have to keep myself wet and open for Kevin.  I need lube and a plug so-”

            “For Kevin,” AJ repeated firmly.  “When you’re about to see him, you can do whatever you want.  But you’re not walking around with a plug up your ass twenty-four hours a day just in case.  I like you tight and I’m not letting you wear it out.  Keep it down to a minimum and I’ll help you out when it’s time to see him.  Deal?”

            Justin prodded the idea and found no holes.  “Deal,” he agreed tentatively.  “But if he shows up and I’m not ready for him, then-”

            “Then I’ll keep the heat off of you,” AJ said.  His phone rang, and he stretched for it.  Justin continued to cling to him, disinclined to move.  “Hey, lover,” AJ said.  “What can I do for you?”

            Justin heard mostly silence, punctuated by a few random grunting noises, as AJ listened.

            Then, “Bass is here,” AJ said, stroking the top of Justin’s head, his knuckles rubbing gently down the back of Justin’s head.  “Yeah.  Mm-hmm.  Yeah.  Okay.  Yeah.  Okay.  I’ll get dressed and get my ass out of here.  Let me know when to step up.  Love you, too.  Bye.”  Flipping his phone shut, he said, “Gotta go.  Lance gets baby-sitting duty.”

            “Where are you going?” Justin asked, sliding up his body to look into his face.

            “I have something to do,” AJ said, and kissed him.  “I’ll get back when I get back.”

            “What if Lance has somewhere to go?”

            “Then he’s keeping his ass here,” AJ said, slithering out of his grasp and rolling out of bed, pulling on boxer-briefs.  “Bass!” he called, opening the door.  “Bass!”

            Arriving at the doorway with a sardonic look, already up and dressed, coffee in hand, Lance raised his eyebrows.  “Yes?” he asked with a lot of fake patience.

            Not used to being caught naked in AJ’s bed, Justin attempted to act like this was a totally normal place for him to be.  Sitting up, he tried to look casual about glancing around for his clothes.

            “I have to go out,” AJ said, “so you’re staying here with Justin until I get back.”

            “We can go to my place,” Lance said.  “Or his.  Or-”

            “He’s staying here,” AJ said.  “He was already unstable when he woke up.  When he wakes up fucked up, that’s what we call a bad sign.  You,” AJ turned to Justin, pointing at him, “you’re staying here.  I’m taking a chance just leaving you with him in the first place, and I’m not letting him take you anywhere.  You know the drill.”

            “No leaving, no phones, no answering the door,” Justin said.  “No calls in, no calls out.”

            “That’s my boy.”  AJ kissed him and disappeared into the bathroom.

            “He treats you like a little kid,” Lance said.  “You’re smarter than he is, Justin.  You’re bigger than he is, you’re stronger than he is…  Why do you let him tell you what to do?”

            AJ had let Nick kill him.  Aside from Kevin, “I don’t know anybody stronger than AJ,” Justin said.

            Trevor waited for another commercial break, then muted the TV and listened.  Silence.  “Chris?”

            Nothing.

            Maybe it was a long call.

            By the time another commercial break rolled around, Trevor decided to at least check on him.  Chris was strange enough to need checking up on every once in a while.  Getting up, he walked down the hallway.

            After checking the first floor, he frowned.  “Chris?”  Where could the guy be?  Upstairs?  Outside?  He was kind of private about some things, but what was he doing, hiding?

            When he didn’t find Chris upstairs or outside, he counted cars.  Either Chris had walked away or been picked up, but he hadn’t driven anywhere.

            “Chris!” he shouted.  What the hell?  He wouldn’t put it past Chris to play hide and seek, but he’d like a little warning first.

            The house was pretty big, and Chris was pretty little, not to mention pretty crazy; he could be anywhere.  Chris was a creative guy, and Trevor was going to have to get creative to find him.

            After another cursory sweep of the house, just glancing in rooms to double-check, he picked up the house phone and dialed the number to Chris’s cell.  Waiting, he heard it ring, somewhere in the house.  On the first floor.  Over by the…  In the closet?

            Trevor opened the closet door and almost shat himself when Chris’s body fell out.  Barely suppressing the instinct to scream, he caught Chris’s frighteningly dead weight in his arms, a second before Chris would have hit the floor.  While his mind absolutely fucking panicked - - dead unconscious dead shit that was vomit holy shit Chris what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck - - he lowered Chris to the floor and put his hand to Chris’s chest, put his ear to Chris’s mouth.  Breathing, god, Chris was breathing, okay, he was just unconscious, he was just unconscious.

            There was vomit all down the front of his shirt.  He must have passed out or something, but what the fuck had he been doing in the fucking closet?  “Chris,” he said, shaking Chris’s shoulder, trying not to scream.  “Chris!”  Shit, shit, he patted Chris’s cheek, not wanting to outright slap him.  What the hell did people do when this happened?  What was he supposed to do, throw water on him?  Call for an ambulance?  Wait for Chris to wake up?  “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he demanded, afraid that he might start crying or hitting something.

            Chris’s eyes opened slowly.  After a second, he asked, “Uh?”

            “Thank fucking god,” Trevor said, wanting to hit him for real now that he was okay.  “What the fuck happened?!”

            Sitting up gingerly, like he wasn’t sure about it, Chris swallowed, then grimaced, then looked down at himself.  Grimacing again, he peeled out of his shirt, wiped his mouth with it, spat on it, balled it up, and looked at Trevor.  “Not one of the finer moments of my life.”

            “Are you sick?” Trevor asked.  “Should I call, do you need an ambulance?”

            “Must have been bad milk again,” Chris said.  “My breakfast cereal doesn’t seem to have agreed with me.”

            God fucking damn it!  “I take this crap from you every day, I accept your shit answers all of the fucking time, but I just dragged your unconscious body from a fucking closet!  Tell me what happened, and give me a straight fucking answer!”

            Looking worried, Chris took Trevor’s hand, tugging on his fingers.  “I don’t want you to be mad at me,” he said, like he was afraid of it.  “You can’t be mad at me, I need you.  I don’t have anybody else.”

            How could he sound so sincere and worried about that, when he had the best friends in the world?  “What’s going on?” Trevor asked.  “Who called you?  Why were you in the closet?”

            “I wanted privacy,” Chris said.  “I needed privacy, for the phone, and then,” he shuddered, “I answered, and,” he shuddered again, as if shying away from something, “I felt, I was nauseous, I felt…”  Suddenly heaving forward, he vomited again, throwing up on the floor, then collapsing, landing heavily and abruptly on the hallway floor.

            Completely freaked out, Trevor rolled Chris over, onto his back, away from the vomit.  Cleaning off Chris’s chin, he made sure that Chris was still breathing, then picked up the house phone he’d dropped in order to catch Chris the first time.

            His thumb hesitating over the buttons, he told himself to go ahead and call for an ambulance.  But this wasn’t just some guy, this was Chris Kirkpatrick, and Chris deserved privacy.  If something was wrong, and it got publicized because Trevor ran for help like an amateur, then he would’ve just screwed up Chris’s life.  And if nothing was wrong, and Chris was just temporarily sick, but Trevor called for help like an amateur, and Chris got bad publicity, then he would’ve just screwed up Chris’s life.

            Chris had regained consciousness the first time.  It would happen this time, too, and he’d get a straight answer, and then he’d know whether to call an ambulance or, what else?  Maybe Chris had a private doctor to contact, or-

            Trevor’s gaze suddenly traveled from the phone in his hand, to the closet.

            He checked to make sure that Chris was still breathing, then got up and walked over to the closet, crouching down.  There, on the floor, was Chris’s cell phone.

            Picking it up, he thumbed through the menu.

            Last call.  A number he didn’t recognize.  The caller ID said, “L. Thomas.”

            Returning to sit beside Chris, checking his forehead and not finding a fever, Trevor called L. Thomas.  He knew that he shouldn’t, he knew that he was trashing Chris’s privacy, but he had to, anyway.  Something had been really, really wrong in Chris’s life since Trevor had met him, and it was only getting worse.

            No answer.

            “Hi.  Leave me a message.  I’ll call you back.”

            Trevor would know that warm, friendly voice anywhere.