Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-September 23, 2006 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part seventy-nine

            While JC called the store, Erik ducked into the next room and called Howie.

            “Erik-Michael,” Howie said.

            “I’m going to be busy with JC for a while.  I’ll be over later, before dinner, but I have to do something else first.  Trust me, you’re going to love it.”

            Justin cleaned up.  Put his clothes back on.  Tried not to think too much.

            Lance had gone.  Chris wasn’t sure when.  He remembered the sound of Lance’s voice talking at him, but he’d stopped listening.

            The next thing he was really aware of was his phone ringing.  He located it without much interest, until he realized who was calling.

            “Kirkpatrick,” he said breathlessly, on his feet.

            “My pet,” Brian said fondly.  “I’ve been thinking about you.  Maybe we could spend some time together this week.”

            “I love you,” Chris said fervently.  “I’d love to spend any time at all with you.”

            “How’ve you been?”  Brian’s tone was warmly conversational, like he was catching up with an old, close friend.

            “I’ve missed you,” Chris said.  “It’s hard.  There are so many things that I have to keep all to myself, and - - that’s not your fault,” he added quickly, unwilling to accuse Brian of anything negative.  “But I wish that I could talk to someone.”  Anyone.  “About some things.”

            “About what?” Brian asked.  “About us?”

            About Brian, about the things that Brian said, about the things that Brian did, about Justin, about everything.  “Maybe I could talk to Kevin,” Chris suggested nervously.  Kevin was the only choice he had.  “Not anyone else, no one else, I’d never tell-”

            “Chris, what happens between you and me is private,” Brian said.  “Very private.  What you and I share are some of the most intimate moments of my life.  I can’t believe that you’d even bring up the idea of telling anyone else about them.”

            “I’m sorry,” Chris said immediately.  “I’m so sorry, Brian, I never-”

            “I’m sorry, too,” Brian said, and hung up.

            Erik wasn’t sure where to look.  His attention was kind of distracted by the saleswoman’s cleavage, but when he averted his gaze from there it kept straying to the generous bulges in the mannequins’ shorts.  It was like his own personal dilemma, being confronted with what he’d always been attracted to and personally wanted to be attracted to, versus the scary new thing that he was still figuring out.

            He was so busy trying to decide where to look (cleavage? package? JC?) that when the saleswoman asked him if he wanted anything, he almost gave her a too-honest answer.  Then he realized what she meant, and stumbled through, “I’m just here for, uh, to, uh, hang out.”

            “He’s my consultant,” JC said.  “Could we have a few minutes to look around?”

            “Of course,” she said graciously.  “Take your time.”

            As soon as she was gone, Erik whispered, “What are we looking for?”

            “Whatever looks good,” JC said.

            Whatever looked good?  That wasn’t all that helpful.  It was mostly a bunch of overpriced underpants in various shapes and colors.

            Then he remembered Howie’s advice from when they’d shopped for JC’s clothes.  All he had to do was eye everything and decide how much he’d like to peel it off of JC.

            Erik grinned, surveying the merchandise with new interest.  “This could be fun.”

            “No weird fabrics,” JC said.  “No leather, no fur.”

            Personally, Erik thought that the less fabric, the better.

            AJ was going to come for him.  Eventually.  AJ probably just thought that it was fun to make him wait.

            He wished that Dan would come for him.  But there were too many reasons that couldn’t, shouldn’t happen.

            Maybe one of the guys would come for him.  Kevin might send Chris; AJ might send Joey.

            The thought of one of the other Boys walking into the house sent terror racing through Justin’s bones.

            AJ.  It’d just be AJ.  Eventually.

            Kevin was on his way home when his phone rang.  “Hello.”

            “Make it stop.”  Kevin frowned; Chris sounded like he’d just been vanquished by his own demons.  “Make it stop.”  Desperate, faint breaths.  “Please.  You have to make it stop.”

            “Come to my house,” Kevin said.  “I’ll meet you there.”

            A miserable, haunted whisper: “I can’t drive.”

            Mercy wasn’t one of Kevin’s preferred indulgences, but he could make allowances, on occasion, for Chris.  “I’m on my way.  Open the garage for me.”

            JC didn’t know what he was looking for, exactly.  He didn’t have a particular style in mind.  He wanted something that might appeal to Howie, that he wouldn’t be too embarrassed to wear.  He’d probably know it when he saw it.

            Or when Erik found it for him, as turned out to be the case.

            He heard a discreet cough, and glanced up.  Erik gestured to him from over by the dressing room area.  Curious, he went over there.

            “I don’t know if you’re supposed to try this shit on first, or how you do it over your drawers, but go look at what’s behind door number three.”

            JC couldn’t go into store dressing rooms without flashing back to Nick.  They’d tried various acts in different positions, depending on their mood and the likelihood of getting caught.  After Nick, he’d had trouble stepping into a dressing room without getting horny, or without crying; one time he’d gotten so pissed off that he’d broken the mirror and Justin had had to drag him out.

            As he slipped behind door number three, he toyed with the idea of having sex with Howie in there.  Howie didn’t really seem like the type.

            Erik did.  JC smiled to himself, amused by the thought but not about to try it.  If he got caught with a guy in public, it wasn’t going to be Erik-Michael Estrada.

            Despite the man’s fantastic taste in underwear.  Stunned, JC stared at the selection before him.  Five styles, in smooth and slippery fabrics, with criss-crossing straps here and asymmetry there.  Daring, but not gauche.  Flirtatious, but not cheap.  Sexy.

            “What do you think?” came a hushed, somewhat nervous voice from the other side of the door.  “Good?  Weird?”

            “Perfect,” JC said.  “They’re perfect.  I just don’t know which one to-”

            “The blue one.”

            JC smiled.  “The blue one?”

            “The blue one,” Erik repeated firmly.  “Trust me.”

            How cute.  “You haven’t even seen it on,” JC argued mildly.

            “My imagination’s pretty good.”

            JC laughed.  “Okay.”  He gathered them up.  “I’ll get them all,” he opened the door, “and I’ll wear the blue one tonight.”  He smiled at Erik, brushing close as he passed.  “Tomorrow, you can ask my date how it looked.”

            Parking in Chris’s garage, Kevin got out and went into the house, lowering the door on his way.

            After a quick glance towards the living room, he went to the bedroom, where the bedclothes were strewn everywhere.  Chris was huddled on the floor in a ball of anguish, halfway between the bed and the door.  Frowning, Kevin rolled him onto his back.  Pale, drenched with sweat, he was panting like he’d just run a marathon.

            This was not good.

            “Are you sure that you’re okay to drive?” JC asked, walking him to the door.

            “I’m fine,” Erik assured him.  “I didn’t drink that much.”

            “Okay.”  JC smiled at him.  “Thanks for everything you’ve done, honey, I - - what?  What?” he repeated, eyes bright with curiosity as Erik tried to stop laughing at him.

            “You’re smiling again.  You keep doing it.  You’ve been grinning at me all day.”

            “I’m happy,” JC said.  For a moment, he looked uncertain, like maybe he wasn’t supposed to have said that.  He said it again, more slowly, like it was a discovery.  “I’m happy.”

            “Howie makes you happy,” Erik said.  “You deserve it, JC, you should be happy.  You should be with someone who makes you smile like this.”  He loved seeing JC smile.  It made him want to smile back.  It made him want to make JC happy.  It made him want to kiss JC, too, but he had that impulse a lot.

            “Thank you, honey.”  JC took his hand, squeezing it, smiling at him.  “You’ve been great, Erik-Michael, you’ve been a terrific friend.”

            “It’s what I do.”  He kissed JC’s cheek.  “Have a good night.  Call me tomorrow.”

            “I will.”  JC kissed him once, gently, on the mouth.  “We will.”

            Erik grinned and left.

            The sound of the garage door caught his attention.  Justin rolled to his feet, alert.  Tense, wary, he listened to the car door close, listened to the footsteps.

            AJ opened the door.  The sight of him made Justin want to collapse with relief.  It wasn’t Brian, wasn’t Nick, wasn’t Howie, wasn’t a stranger.  It was AJ.  Thank god.

            “You ready?”

            “Yeah.”  Justin embraced him.  “Take me home.”

            “Rough visit?” AJ asked, hugging him back, still sensitive to the marks on his back.

            “He kissed me,” Justin confessed, excitement kicking in.  “He touched me.  He was hard for me.”

            “Well, good for you.”  AJ kissed him.  “Let’s go.”

            “JC loved the flowers and the wine, he’s excited about dinner, he keeps staring at the ring like it’s some mystic portal to another realm, he was so excited about the clothes that he was dancing around the closet for a while, and I don’t want to take the mystery out of anything but he’s planning to have sex with you tonight, so, uh…  Whoa.”  Erik stared around the foyer and further into the house.  “Wow.”

            “He’s looking forward to it?” Howie asked.  “To dinner?” he specified, when he received no answer.  To further silence, he prompted, “Erik-Michael?”

            Walking forward, gazing around himself in awe, Erik asked, “How did you do this?”

            “You’ve been gone for a few hours,” Howie said.  “It wasn’t hard.”

            A snort turned into laughter.  “It wasn’t hard?  You should’ve seen us trying to get our shit together for Dan’s birthday party.  We popped over half of the balloons before he got there, the crepe paper stuff looked like it had been put up by malfunctioning monkeys, the sign we hung up only had one ‘p’ in ‘happy,’ and Ashley forgot to spike the punch.”

            Through his laughter, Howie said, “I’m sure that it was a good party, anyway.”

            “Yeah, well, I got laid,” Erik said, with a shrug and a smile.  “So I called it a success.  But it was nothing like this.”

            “I’m not finished, obviously,” Howie said.  “I wanted to get a start on the decorating before I finished up with the cooking and changed clothes.  But sit down and tell me how JC is.”

            “Do you need me to do anything else?” Erik asked.  “You seem to have a lot going on, here.  I could help decorate, or something.  Just don’t put me near any balloons.”

            “All I need from you right now,” Howie said, leading him over to the sofa, “is JC information.  How he looked, what he said, how he acted, what he did.  He’s looking forward to dinner?”

            Opening the door, Jacob smiled and hugged Brian.  “You showed up.”

            “I showed up,” Brian agreed, giving him a warm squeeze.

            “Come in,” Jacob said, ushering him in and closing the door.  “This is how you pack to spend the night?” he asked, gesturing to the guitar case in Brian’s hand.

            “It’s an essential,” Brian said with a smile.  “I thought that I could leave it here.  You don’t mind?”

            “That’d be great.”  Brian wanted to keep a guitar at his house?  That was a great step.  “I’ll keep it in my room so no one else will touch it.”  Brian trusted him enough to do this, and planned to be here often.  A great sign.

            “Jacob, I…  Are the other guys here?”

            “Uh…  Some of them.  Erik’s not, and Dan might still be out.”

            “Something’s really been bothering me, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Sure,” he said, concerned.  Any problem of Brian’s was one of his, too.  “Come on back to my room.”

            “You’re set,” Erik said, his tone half-statement and half-question as he walked towards the front door.

            “I’m set,” Howie agreed, following him there.

            “You have everything you need,” Erik said, turning at the door to face Howie.

            “I’m going to have everything I need, before tonight’s over,” Howie said.

            “Right.”  Erik put his hands in his pockets.  “Is there anything else I can do?  Anything else I can get for you?”

            “You’ve practically done everything already,” Howie said with a smile.  “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

            “You could have,” Erik said.  “I’m glad that I could help out, though.  And I’m glad that it’s working out.  JC really wants to be with you.  He’s not the same without you.”

            “I can’t wait to see him.  I can’t wait to talk to him.  There’s so much to say.”

            “I’d better go so you can finish getting everything ready.  You can call me, if there’s some last-minute thing, or anything.”

            “You should take the night off,” Howie said.  “Get your life back.  You’ve spent so much time on us, you need to do something for yourself.”

            “I’m not going to take time off until JC calls me tomorrow morning from your phone.”

            Smiling, Howie said, “That can be arranged.”

            “Good.”  Erik reached for the doorknob.  “Good luck, break a leg and everything.”

            “Thanks.”  Smiling, Howie braced his hands on Erik’s chest, leaning up for a kiss.  Erik’s hands claimed his waist as their mouths met; they kissed slowly, with familiar rhythm.  Urging Howie closer, Erik moaned as his body responded in predictable ways to the heat and seduction of Howie’s mouth.

            Raising a hand, Howie stroked Erik’s cheek with a gentle touch, licking inside his lower lip.  A whisper escaped, “Erik-Michael.”

            He opened his eyes, and Howie was looking at him.  This close and gazing right at him, into him, with…desire, but more than that.

            “Erik-Michael,” Howie whispered again, dropping his gaze to Erik’s mouth, angling his head for a kiss but not taking one, fingers caressing Erik’s lips.

            It was hard for Erik to think when he was turned on, but there was something new in Howie’s voice that he wasn’t used to hearing.

            A soft kiss, achingly slow, unbearably tender.  Erik felt weird and tense and fluttery inside.  Then Howie backed up, and he pursued, not wanting it to end yet, but Howie put a firm hand on his chest and he remembered his place and let go.

            Because he wasn’t JC.

            “We’ll call you,” Howie said, quietly, warmth lingering in his tone, in his expression.  “Tomorrow.”

            Erik nodded and left.

            Things were changing again.

            He wondered where he’d end up this time.

            Touching.  Something was touching him.  Someone was touching his hair and his neck and his back.  Someone who wasn’t Brian.

Someone was petting him.  He was being petted.  Slow, soothing caresses.  The low murmur of a familiar voice.

            He didn’t want to be back in reality, but this was nice.  He wondered who was being good to him.

            The voice sounded like Kevin.

            He moved his hand, patting across, hmm.  Those were Kevin’s biceps.  He opened his eyes.

            “Hi,” Kevin said quietly, smoothing his hair back with a gentle touch.

            “Hi.”  Kevin kept being nice to him.  He looked around, gauging the situation.  “You’re here.”

            “You called me.”

            He vaguely remembered that.  “I’m naked.  My hair’s wet.”

            “You needed a shower.”  Kevin’s thumb stroked across his forehead.  “Do you feel better?”

            “I feel…better,” he decided.  He could breathe.  That was good.  “I took a shower?” he asked, to clarify.

“I gave you a shower,” Kevin said.  “Strictly as a friend.”

He recalled nothing of the shower.  Or of Kevin even showing up.  Yet here they were, in bed together.  Not entirely naked; Kevin had on underwear, maybe out of politeness.  “Thanks.”

            “You’re welcome.”  Kevin tipped his chin up, examining his face.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

            “No.”

            “Okay.”  Long, slow, reassuring strokes over his spine, easing the tension back out.

            Kevin was good to him.  He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Kevin’s shoulders.  His voice was faint, even to his own ears.  “Can you stay for a while?”

            “I’d like to.”

            This was why he was in love with Kevin.

            After Brian began to explain, Jacob understood.  He loved Brian for being ethical, for being moral, for having a conscience.  It was almost a miracle, considering how everyone else acted.

            “It’s really been eating at me, how easy it is to judge people,” Brian said.  “How easy it is to slip back into old patterns.  Especially when Nick and Joey explained their situation with Ashley to us, and I turned right around and acted just the same as I had before.  Like everything that Nick and Joey said went in one ear and out the other.”

            “I know what you mean.  I took one perspective on things and ran with it,” Jacob admitted.  “There were really three people involved and three different viewpoints, but I only saw mine.”

            “I feel terrible about it.”  Brian shook his head, mouth tightening in self-disapproval.  “I judged all of your friends based on what I thought was happening, based on what other people told me was happening.  I should’ve listened more, asked more questions, paid more attention.  Given them the benefit of the doubt before I jumped to judgment.”

            Knowing Brian as well as he did, Jacob saw what was coming.  “You want to apologize to them.”

            Brian nodded, meeting his eyes firmly.  “It’s the right thing to do.”

            Jacob loved Brian for caring this much.  “You’re a good influence on me.”

            A smile transformed Brian’s face.  “You’ve been a wonderful influence on me,” he said, reaching over and brushing his thumb across Jacob’s cheek.  “You’ve been fantastic.”

            “Oh, fantastic,” Jacob said.  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

            Brian grinned.  “I would.”

            Memories began to return.  Bits and pieces, some of them still fuzzy, some sharp as glass.  Brian’s laughter.  The press of Lance’s back to his.  Brian putting his hands over his face and giggling.  The pain etching lines around Dan’s eyes.

Brian’s merry confessions.

“Ssshhh.”  Kevin held him closer, arms closing around him like steel.  “Ssshhh.”

            As Erik walked into the house, his thoughts spun lazily around Howie and JC.  JC’s kiss.  Howie’s body.  JC dressing for dinner.  Howie decorating.  He wondered how the night would go.  It would end with them together, he was sure of it, but he was nervous anyway.  He had too much invested; they had too much to lose.

            “Hey, you’re home.”

            Erik stared a little.  “Are you going somewhere?”

            “No,” Jacob said, perplexed.  “Do you have a couple of minutes?”

            Jacob pretty much looked the same from day to day.  But he had on one of his good T-shirts, the ones he wore when he wanted to make his eyes look extra blue, and he had on his good jeans, too, instead of the standard ratty ones.  He had those diamond earrings on again, and his hair looked less “raised by wolves” than usual.  Either he had a date, or he’d bothered to look in a mirror for once, or…  Erik grinned.  “Is Brian here?”

            “Yeah, we want to talk to you,” Jacob said.  “You got a couple of minutes?”

            “Yeah.”  They wanted to talk to him?  What, were they going to come out?  “Sure.”

            “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but wipe that stupid grin off of your face and go sit in the living room.”

            He kept grinning.  “Okay.”  He took a detour to the kitchen to get a drink, then went to sprawl on the sofa.  Ashley and Trevor came in and sat beside him.  “What’s going on?”

            “Got me,” Trevor said.

            “Maybe Brian’s moving in,” Erik said.

            “He hasn’t already?” Trevor asked.

            “Okay, look who’s talking,” Erik said.  “When I pulled in and Chris’s car wasn’t in the drive, I thought I was at the wrong house.”

            “You’re hilarious,” Trevor said.  “H-I-larious.”

            “What’s with you?” Erik asked, nudging Ashley, who was being too quiet.

            “Nothing,” Ashley said, rooting deeper into the cushions.

            “Joey hasn’t called,” Trevor explained.  “Ashley’s feeling dissed and rejected.”

            “Yeah, that can happen,” Erik said sympathetically.  “Especially when your boyfriend’s husband is in town.”

            “Shut up,” Ashley muttered, giving him what passed for a glare from Ashley.

            “Hi, guys,” Brian said, walking in and sitting on the coffee table.

            “Do you want-” Trevor began, starting to get up.

            “This is fine,” Brian said.

            “He’s not eighty and he’s not a pregnant woman,” Erik said.  “You don’t have to offer him your seat.”

            “It’s called respect for your…uh, elders,” Trevor said.

            “I’m not that old,” Brian objected with a laugh.

            “You were going to say superiors,” Erik said, grinning.  “Respect for your betters, right, Trev?”

            “Shut up,” Trevor said, blushing and irritated.

            Being told to shut up twice in thirty seconds wasn’t a personal best, but it didn’t suck, either.  “What’s this all about?” he asked Brian, crossing his ankles.

            “Nothing dramatic,” Brian said.  “It’s more for my guilty conscience than for you.”

            “Really?”  This sounded interesting.

            “What do you have to feel guilty about?” Trevor asked.

            Erik was pretty sure that he’d committed more sins by age six than Brian had in the past thirty years.  “Do you even have sex?”

            “Not very often,” Brian admitted.  “It’s been a while.”

            “You get laid more than Brian Littrell,” he told Trevor.

            “What are you guys talking about?” Jacob asked, walking in with Dan, who perched on Trevor’s armrest.

            “How much sex Brian isn’t having,” Erik said.  “Can’t you get some whenever you want it?”

            “What’s he supposed to do, call numbers from the fan club list?” Trevor asked.

            “That could get interesting,” Erik said.  “Do you think-”

            “Shut up,” Jacob said, sitting beside Brian on the table.  “You want to start?”

            “This won’t take long,” Brian assured them.  “I don’t want to waste your time.  I just wanted to apologize for how rude I’ve been.”

            “When were you rude?” Trevor asked.

            “I’ve been…”  Brian scratched his jaw.  “I’ve judged you based upon, upon things that weren’t even necessarily about you.”  His accent was twice as strong as it’d been a minute ago.  “You got involved in my friends’ lives, and in their friends’ lives, and I heard things, and I assumed things, but that wasn’t fair to any of you.”

            “You don’t have to apologize for that,” Trevor said.

            “Why not?” Erik asked.

            Trevor stared at him.  “Because-”

            “I do have to apologize,” Brian said.  “I want to, and I should.  I haven’t been fair.  I jumped to conclusions.  I should’ve listened.  The past few days, Jacob and I’ve talked more to the other guys, and I’ve learned how wrong I’ve been.”

            “They told us their side of it,” Jacob said.  “They explained a few things.”

            “I’m sorry, Erik.  Howie told us how good of a friend you’ve been to him and JC.”

            “Yeah.”  If Howie really had told them exactly how good of a friend, Brian wouldn’t be apologizing.  “It’s okay.”

            “Dan, I’m sorry,” Brian said.  “You were there for Justin when he needed someone.  I don’t know why everyone has trouble seeing true friendship for what it is.”

            “I hope he has someone to be there for him, now,” Dan said.

            “He does,” Brian said gently.

            Dan looked away.

            “Ashley.”  Brian leaned forward, regret all over his face.  “Ashley, I’m sorry.  I’ve been rude to you.  I thought that I was defending Nick, but I was only being stupid and judgmental.  I didn’t give you enough credit.  I didn’t give Nick and Joey enough credit, either.  I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions about who you are and what you’re like.  That wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right.”

            Looking taken aback, Ashley glanced at Jacob and then back to Brian.  “It’s, I mean, that’s okay.  I didn’t - - everybody’s been saying shit about everybody else.”

            “But that’s the problem,” Brian said.  “We’ve all rushed to judgment without really understanding what’s happening.  I see everything better now, because I managed to find out the truth.  And I’m sorry, that I didn’t see it before.”

            “That’s okay,” Ashley said.  “Thanks, though, for apologizing.”  He seemed touched and embarrassed and not sure what to say.

            “I wanted to apologize to you the most, because I didn’t just think and wonder, I said things, out loud.  I couldn’t just let you and Joey and Nick handle your own business, I felt like it was my place to judge you, to your face, and that was terrible of me.”

            “If I say that I’m over it, will you stop apologizing?” Ashley asked with a small smile.

            “Friends?” Brian asked, offering a hand.

            Turning red, Ashley shook his hand.  “Friends.”  Erik glanced over to make sure that Trevor wasn’t convulsing with jealousy.

            “I’m sorry, too,” Jacob said.  “For everything I said about all of you.”

            “That was eloquent, Jacob, thanks,” Erik said.  “You aren’t going to apologize to Trevor?” he asked Brian.

            “I never suspected Trevor of anything,” Brian said.

            “Jacob did,” Erik said.  He had, too, but why confess to it himself when he could get Jacob in trouble?

            “We questioned his motives for running Kevin’s errands,” Jacob said.

            “I think we all know what Kevin’s motives were,” Brian said, giving Trevor a private smile.  “But Trevor’s heart is loyal to Chris, and I don’t question that.”

            “So kiss my ass,” Trevor instructed them, pointing at each of them.  “Brian believes in me.”

            “Is Chris really that damned good in bed?” Erik asked.  “Enough for you to turn down Kevin?”

            “Why is everything about sex with you?” Jacob asked.

            “Erik, you want to make dinner?” Dan asked.

            “What?” Erik asked, thrown.

            “Do you want to make dinner?” Dan asked.

            “It’s kind of early,” Erik said.  “And, what the hell?”

            “I think he’s trying to head off the argument before it gets anywhere,” Brian said.  “I’ll help with dinner, if-”

            “I’ll do it,” Trevor said.

            “I’ll do it,” Jacob said firmly.

            “Great,” Erik said, reaching for the TV remote.  “Have fun with that.”

            Jacob muttered something and left the room.

            “Thanks for your time,” Brian said, and followed him.

            Trevor trotted after Brian.

            Dan went upstairs.

            Erik flipped channels with one hand and draped his other arm around Ashley’s shoulders.  “You could try calling him.”

            “He said we’d hang out today.”

            “The day isn’t over yet.”

            “I think that what Joey and Nick told Brian and Jacob…  I don’t think…”

            “You think they lied,” Erik guessed.

            “Kind of.”

            “Nick’s not going to admit to his own friends that he’s being edged out by someone hotter,” Erik said.  “He doesn’t want to look like a punk.”

“Yeah.”  Ashley didn’t sound satisfied.  He did relax a little, though, after a minute.  “Everything okay with you?”

            “Everything’s great.  Howie and JC are getting back together tonight.”

            “They are?”  Ashley sounded surprised.

            “They are,” Erik said.  A second later, he added, “Keep your fingers crossed.”

            Ashley crossed his fingers.

            “Thanks.”

            Chris wanted to drag Kevin over himself and hide.  He wanted to erect Kevin as a barrier between himself and the rest of the world.  Tucking himself under Kevin’s chin, he smushed his face against Kevin’s shoulder and huddled against Kevin’s chest, making himself as small as possible, closing his eyes and wishing himself invisible.

            Kevin whispered his name.

            “They could never love him like I do.”  His voice was small but determined.  “They could never understand him like I do.  They might be younger or hotter or other things, but they don’t love him like I do.  He knows that.  He knows it.”

            “He knows,” Kevin agreed quietly, reassuring him.  “Brian knows how devoted you are.”

            “Brian has to come first.  Brian has to come first.  They’d never put him first.  They’d never love him like I do.”  They’d put other people first.  Howie.  Kevin.  Not Brian.  They didn’t deserve to be near Brian.  They didn’t deserve Brian’s time.  They didn’t deserve Brian’s attention.

            “Chris,” Kevin said, cupping his nape.  “Who are you talking about?”

            “Lance.”  He couldn’t say the other name.  It wouldn’t even make it past the block in his mind.  And if he wanted to say it, he didn’t think that he was supposed to know what he knew.  But he had to find a second name.  “Jacob.”

            “You don’t think that they’ll learn to put Brian first?”  Kevin reached down and pried at his hand, which was when he realized that he’d hooked his fingers into Kevin’s arm.

Oh.  He unclenched his grip, wondering what the penalty was for leaving bruises on Kevin’s perfectly pale skin.  “Lance is always going to put Howie first.  Even if he acts differently, deep down, in his heart, it’ll always be Howie.”  That wouldn’t change.

“What about Jacob?”

            Chris tried not to think about Jacob.  “Someday, he’s going to be my best friend.  We’ll understand each other.  It won’t be fun, but it’ll be easier than being alone.”

            “He said that we’d go out and have lunch,” Ashley said.

            “It’s past lunchtime,” Erik admitted, checking his watch.

            “I thought we’d get to have some good time together.  Without Nick around.”  He glanced over his shoulder like he was worried about being overheard.  With Brian in the next room, maybe he was.  “Joey and I had a great time, the other day, but Nick interrupted us, so I think he might be trying to keep Joey away.”

            “He interrupted you doing what?” Erik asked, teasing, just to mess with him.  But the way Ashley blushed told him more than he’d bargained for.  “Are you serious?” he demanded, laughing.  Ashley tried to shush him.  “Are you kidding?  What were you doing?”

            “We weren’t doing anything,” Ashley protested.  “I mean, we weren’t,” he gestured.

            “Joey wasn’t balls-deep,” Erik interpreted.  “But you were in bed, messing around?”

            “Yeah.”  Ashley was bright red.  “It was a little embarrassing.”

            “I can see why.”  Considering what he knew about the people involved, he was surprised that Nick hadn’t joined in.  “Why don’t you just call Joey?”

            “I don’t want to put pressure on him.”

            Okay.  “It’s up to you.”

            Ashley looked unsure.  “You think I should call him?”

            “It’s a phone call, not a marriage proposal.  Just call him, say hi, see what’s up.”

            After a moment’s consideration, Ashley said, “I’ll call him tomorrow.  He’s probably doing something.”

Yeah.  He was sure that Joey was really busy doing something vitally important.  Like screwing around with someone else behind Nick’s back and, for good measure, Ashley’s.  “Go ahead and call him tomorrow.  Let Nick relax for a day.  Then no one can accuse you of being in Joey’s face too much.”

Ashley nodded, apparently soothed by that reassurance.

Erik exhaled slowly, turning his attention back to the TV.  Man, was Ashley in trouble.

            Eventually, Chris began to relax.  He stopped digging his fingers into Kevin’s skin in a death grip.  He uncurled from the ball he’d tried to tuck himself into.  He even began to tap his fingers and shift around and fidget.

            Taking that as a good sign, Kevin decided to push a little.  “You don’t have to tell me everything.  But I’d like you to tell me something about what’s wrong, so I can help.”

            “I would never betray Brian,” Chris said suddenly, firmly, like it was a contested point.

            “I know that.  Brian knows that, too.  He knows that you’d never hurt him.”  Now that Chris’s face wasn’t jammed against his shoulder, he could run his fingers along the soft skin of Chris’s neck and the dark bristle of Chris’s goatee.

            Chris tapped his thumb against Kevin’s chest, looking around.  “Let’s have sex.”

            “We can have sex after you tell me what’s wrong.”

            Chris frowned at him.

            He kissed Chris, once, gently.  “Give me a clue.”

            Chris frowned some more.  Fidgeted.  Sighed.  Met his eyes.  “I’m not muscular.  I’m not ripped.”

            Kevin almost smiled.  “That can’t possibly be your actual problem.”

            “My biceps aren’t getting any bigger.  My abs aren’t like a washboard.  My eyes aren’t a unique color.  I don’t have a great body.  It’s not fantastic.”

            “I think that you have a great body,” Kevin said, stroking his back, cupping his ass.  “I’m very fond of it.”

            “His is a hundred times better.  His is perfect.”

            Kevin was sure that Chris classified Brian’s body as “perfect,” but he suspected that Chris was talking about someone else.  “Who’s he?”  Chris squirmed and fidgeted and gestured and seemed to be in so much despair, Kevin tried to help him out by guessing.  “Lance?”  Chris shook his head and gestured; taller.  “JC?”  Chris shook his head again and tapped Kevin’s chest.  Kevin frowned.  “Justin?”

            Chris put his hands over his ears.

            “Justin,” Kevin said firmly, pulling Chris’s hands down, “is desperate, shallow, and doesn’t have anything else going for him.  Since he can’t sing, he sells his body.”

            “He’s muscular,” Chris said miserably.  “He’s ripped.  His-”

            “You don’t have to look just like Justin to be attractive,” Kevin said.  “Brian doesn’t look like Justin.  Neither do I.  Neither does,” who would Chris find attractive?  “Trevor.  Washboard abs and blue eyes don’t mean everything.”

            “That shade of blue,” Chris muttered darkly.

            “I’ve seen some…exquisite brown eyes,” Kevin said.  “And there’s nothing wrong with green.”

            Chris twitched and made an apologetic sound.

            “I can’t speak for the world,” Kevin said, fingers trailing over Chris’s back.  “Although I do tend to think that my opinion matters more than anyone else’s.  And I think that you’re sexy.  I’m not sure what your problem is.”

            Staring at him, Chris looked equal parts startled and suspicious.  “You don’t think that I’m sexy.”

            “I like the way you look.”  The kiss that Kevin took was light and simple.  “Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your ears, your goatee, your eyebrows, the way you dress, the way you move.  Your calves.”

            “My calves?” Chris repeated in disbelief.

            “Your calves.”  He smiled.  “Definitely your ass.”

            Chris eyed him warily.  “You’re lying to me.”

            “I don’t lie to you.”  Kevin kissed him, stroking his nipples.  “I’ve had Justin.”  While his touch drifted south, his tongue traced the curve of Chris’s lower lip.  “I’ve had you.”  A slow kiss, deep, taking possession.  “Which one of you am I in bed with now?”

            They ate early, all six of them around the table.  Trevor teased Ashley out of his funk, Jacob got Dan to lighten up, and Erik made Brian laugh until he slid off of his chair.

            Trevor volunteered to clean up, and Brian offered to help.  Jacob took a few minutes to follow Dan upstairs.

            “You okay?”

            “I don’t believe that Justin lied to me.”  Dan faced him, frowning, dissatisfied.  “I can’t accept that.  But it’s what everyone else is telling me.”

            “I don’t trust him,” Jacob said.

            “You don’t trust anyone.”

            “I trust some people.”  He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning one shoulder against the wall.  “If he didn’t lie, then he’s in serious trouble, and every single person around him is ignoring it.”

            “If they’re all as close to him as they’re supposed to be, they’d never let that happen.”

            “Then he’s lying,” Jacob said.  “Or their great friendship is a marketing stunt.”

            “He might have hidden it from them.  They might not know,” Dan said.

            “Could he have covered it up?” Jacob asked.  “From people who are with him twenty-four hours a day?”

            “Abuse victims have explanations and excuses for everything.  Maybe they didn’t want to see.”  Dan rubbed his hand over his bandanna.  “If he wasn’t abused, how do you explain why he tried to kill you?”

            “He’s unbalanced, either way you look at it,” Jacob said.  “Either AJ fucked him up, or he’s fucked up enough to pretend that AJ abused him.”

            “I trust him,” Dan said.  “I trust everything that he said to me and everything he did.”

            “Then the rest of the world is lying,” Jacob said.

            “That’s it,” Erik said, reaching the top of the stairs.  “It’s a conspiracy.  It’s all one big conspiracy.  They’re all out to get you.”  His eyes narrowed; he backed up dramatically, eyeing them.  “Or…maybe…you’re all out to get me.”

            “Trust me, no one’s out to get you,” Jacob said.  “You’re not worth it.”

            Chris didn’t want Kevin to leave.  He didn’t want to be left alone.  Kevin was strong, much stronger than he was, strong enough to face anything.  He was weak and scared and miserable.

            He didn’t ask Kevin to stay, because he’d already monopolized enough of Kevin’s time, and he didn’t want to take advantage of Kevin’s generosity.

            But after a while, Kevin stroked his hair and said, “I’d like to stay, if you don’t have somewhere else to be.”

            “Stay?” Chris repeated, surprised.

            “Until morning.”  Kevin kissed his cheek, still stroking his hair.

            “Okay.”  Chris really did love Kevin.  “Thank you.”  Kevin was ridiculously good to him sometimes.  “Can I do something to entertain you?”

            “You’ve had a hard day,” Kevin said, caressing his nape.  “What do you want to do?”

            What?  Chris hesitated.  “We could listen to records.  Or watch a movie,” he offered, at a loss.  He honestly didn’t think that he could handle much more than that, but he didn’t want to bore Kevin.

            “You’ve never shown me your record collection,” Kevin said, like they were friends sharing casual conversation.

            “Brian gave me some records,” Chris said, his brain immediately going to the most important information first.  Brian had taken some away, too.  But Chris didn’t want to talk about that.

            Turning off his car, JC flipped down the sun visor, giving himself a quick check in the mirror.  Flicking a few curls back into place, he scrubbed his hand over his freshly shaven chin, taking a deep breath.

            He looked pretty good.  In other days, if he’d showed up on Nick’s doorstep looking like this, Nick would’ve skipped dinner and gone straight to sex.  Of course, that meant that after making love, they would’ve brought the food to bed, or eaten at the table, even on the table.  A hot pulse of memories rushed through him as his body recalled lounging naked on Nick’s tabletop while Nick finger-fed him and kissed his shoulders, his neck.

            There had been times when Nick had made him feel unrestrainedly loved without ever uttering that particular word.  That was part of the pain, that not only had Nick’s mouth said, “I love you,” Nick’s actions had shouted it.  Of course he’d believed in Nick’s love; nothing had ever been more real to him.

            Getting out of the car and walking to the door, JC rang the bell, lifting his chin.  He was having dinner with Howie, not Nick; Nick was probably fucking that bitch.  Even though JC had already gone through half a dozen scenes in his head on how to seduce Nick with this underwear, and Ashley wouldn’t even know how to put it on correctly.

            It was almost criminal, how unworthy of Nick Ashley was.

            The door opened, and JC found himself smiling.  Howie looked fantastic.  Very confident, very sexy, very at ease.  His eyes were bright, his smile welcoming.  “Come in, please.”  Howie stepped back, ushering him into the house.  “You look great.”

            “So do you.”  The honest appreciation in Howie’s eyes was nice.  It was easy to look good in the clothes that Howie had sent him, and he was just about to mention that when he noticed the décor.

            He’d expected it to look like the videotape, but it didn’t.  He was surprised; Howie must have thrown that together for Erik and done this specifically for him.

The foyer, the hallway, were lit by strategically placed clusters of candles set on the floor on small, ornate metal trays.  In the shadowy lighting, JC saw that all furniture had been removed, and the walls were draped in sheer crimson.  Soft music played in the background.  Rose petals littered the floor in a soft trail leading down the hall.

            Howie offered his hand.

            It was a scene of seduction.  “You went to a lot of trouble,” JC said, putting his hand into Howie’s.

            “You’re worth it,” Howie said.  His fingers laced through JC’s intimately.  “We just saw each other, but I feel like I’ve been missing so much,” he said.  “Come sit down and talk to me.”