"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part seventy-four

“Please JC please JC please JC please JC please - - oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…” Shocked, wild panting. “Oh god JC oh god JC oh god JC oh god JC oh-” Erik groaned like he was transforming and gripped JC’s hand so hard it hurt.

JC would have preferred the use of that hand, but Erik seemed to need it more than he did, so he continued on without it. Slowly, he licked over and around Erik’s asshole, over and around in carefully shifting patterns and rhythms, waiting, waiting. His thumb rubbed reassuringly over Erik’s thumb, and then, eventually, came the first break in Erik’s panting, the first hint of relaxation.

Immediately, JC narrowed in, pushing, probing, crossing boundaries. With a sharp, animal sound, Erik crushed JC’s hand, his whole body jerking in response. He sounded like he was trying to say something but couldn’t get the words out, choking on his own frantic breath. Fingers going numb, JC teased with his tongue, circling and probing, circling and probing, a little bit deeper, a little bit more.

He’d never done this to Nick. He’d told himself that he didn’t want to, but that was a lie, a complete lie, an enormous lie. Not want to do this with Nick? Not want to explore Nick, Nick’s body, Nick’s sexuality, as far as he could? It was Nick - - that very fact ensured that JC wanted to do everything possible.

He could almost imagine it. Nick’s gorgeous, naked body spread before him, available for him, open to him. All of that sinfully touchable skin. That deliciously rounded ass. His fingers stroking, teasing, testing. The first touch of his tongue, and how would Nick react?

What would Nick like? Too-slow teasing? Something more direct? Nick always knew just how to treat him, just what he needed, everything he wanted. Soft, gentle lapping that made his body melt from the inside out. Nick could keep that up indefinitely, and how many long afternoons had he proved that, until JC was a worthless puddle of boneless need without even the energy to moan right? Firm, forceful fucking, driving need through him, making him groan, making him beg for more, making him want bigger, better, harder, Nick; making him come. Nick had dozens of tricks, dozens of techniques, including that complex, twisting-thrusting move that made him writhe and beg and cry out and-

“Oh oh oh god JC god stop no wait ah-”

Uh-oh. JC lifted his head, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand, wondering how long he’d had Erik pleading that desperately. He’d never seen Erik move quite like that, either. Apparently Nick’s tricks worked on everyone.

Shuddering, panting scarily fast, Erik made strangled, pained noises. The only word JC recognized was “fuck,” and it seemed to be an epithet, not a request. Taking pity on him, JC stroked his back; Erik jerked away, hissing.

“Come on, honey, roll over for me,” JC said, and gave his own index finger a quick suck. “I’ll make it better.” His other hand was long past numb. He made his voice gentle and coaxing. “I’m sorry, honey, come on, I’ll make it up to you.”

Moving with great care, Erik rolled onto his back. His eyes were shut; his skin was flushed red and slick with sweat. Purple-dark, his erection strained angrily.

“I’m sorry, honey,” JC murmured, stroking his chest, making him twitch. The hand cuffed to the bed was curled into a too-tight fist. “Do you want to come in my mouth?” His fingers trailed over a hard little nipple. Erik was breathing too fast, hips picking up a quick little rocking motion. “Do you trust me, honey?” JC asked, fingers slipping down to the cleft of Erik’s ass, stroking gently.

Erik let out a sound a lot like a derisive snort, then panted out, “Just do it.” He sounded…accepting, like he had an idea of what JC intended and he’d already decided not to fight it.

Leaning up over him, JC kissed his cheek, kissed his mouth. One finger gently, gently pressed in, one millimeter, then two, as Erik’s face contorted and his back arched and his legs twitched. Quickly, JC slid back down, licking Erik’s erection into his mouth, lips closing around it, sucking as the flow started, Erik’s body jerking hard, his finger pushing in deeper, up to the first knuckle, up to the second, bitter cream flooding his throat.

He sucked until the last drops trickled out, stroking Erik’s thigh reassuringly. He raised his head as the twitches stopped. Testing, he rotated his finger slightly.

Erik sighed.

He withdrew a little bit, then eased back in.

Erik shifted.

Brown eyes opened.

Erik studied the ceiling.

He let go of JC’s hand.

Wincing, JC wondered if anything was broken.

“It feels…strange,” Erik said.

JC stroked his prostate.

Jerking suddenly, Erik took a deep breath. “Don’t do that.”

JC smiled. “Sorry.” Gently, he slid his finger out, crawling over Erik, stretching out beside him, pressing up close. “Do you want me to uncuff you now?”

“That’d be good,” Erik said. His free arm worked its way under JC and out on the other side, keeping JC close. “You have a very…interesting tongue.”

“Are you okay?” JC asked. Testing the fingers of his right hand, he ascertained that everything was intact.

“I think that I’m going to have a hard-on for the rest of my life.” Erik took a deep breath. “Does Howie know that your tongue does those things?”

JC smiled. “Howie knows what I’m capable of.” And if he didn’t know it already, the videotape would prove it to him. Reaching across Erik, JC found the key, leaning up to undo the cuffs. Before he was even finished, Erik was pulling free and grabbing him, rolling him over and holding him down. Laughing, JC submitted to a few hungry kisses. “Are you taking your revenge now?”

“Right now,” Erik agreed, shaking off the handcuff.

Drawing his fingers across Erik’s shoulders, JC smiled up at him. “What are you going to do to me?”

“First, I’m going to fuck you until I run out of steam. Which should be about,” Erik glanced at the clock, “thirty-four hours from now. Then, I’m going to chain you to this bed - - you never should’ve let me see where you keep this shit, because I’m going to have to find out what else is in that box - - and then I’m going to call Howie and tell him to come and get you because you, JC, are a menace to society.”

“Me?” JC asked, rubbing up against him, making him wince and groan. “I just wanted to make you feel good, honey.”

“Thirty-eight hours,” Erik said, pinning JC down with a hand on one hip. “Keep it up and we’ll be here all week.”

The marks of AJ’s fingernails took a while to fade from Justin’s face.

The fear took a while to fade from Justin’s eyes.

AJ settled him on the bed, staying familiarly close and prompting him to talk about Dan. It was a good topic; AJ knew that if given room, Justin could have extolled Dan’s virtues for hours.

Justin was too used to pushing aside fear and pain. After a few halting starts, he was lost in his subject. He told AJ all about Dan, everything, all over again. Getting to know Dan. First impressions, second, third, tenth. Going to New York with Dan. Seeing the penthouse through Dan’s eyes.

The spa. The rooftop. The hot tub. Justin’s voice grew hushed; his fingers stroked the back of AJ’s hand. Behind the blush across Justin’s cheeks, his expression was soft, vulnerable.

When he talked about Dan reciting poetry for him, he recalled only a few snatches of the actual verse. What he spoke of more was the feeling that the moments evoked, being so close to Dan, hearing loving words in a gentle voice. The intimacy. He talked about sleeping with Dan, the press of Dan’s body, the strength of Dan’s embrace.

Dan loved Justin. Even more importantly, Dan acted like he loved Justin. He didn’t just say it, didn’t merely mouth the words; he lived it out, in action, in deed. Without taking the sex that Justin offered.

“You’d let him have it if he tried?” AJ asked.

“Yes.” Justin met his eyes. “He could fuck me if he wanted to.”

“Whenever he wanted it?”

Justin nodded.

Interesting. “Because…?”

“Because he’s been good to me. He’s given me so much, and I don’t have anything to give him back. But I could do that for him.”

            “Joey’s your friend. He’s nice to you. You don’t fuck him.”

            Justin almost rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”

            AJ laughed. “Why is the idea of you and Joey stupid?”

“Do you have sex with Howie?”

He snorted. “You know what I’m like. I wouldn’t put D. through that.”

Kevin’s sofa was perfectly welcoming, with wide, deep cushions, but Lance couldn’t bring himself to feel the slightest bit comfortable. He didn’t want to display his discomfort by sitting right on the couch’s edge, so he tried to sit back, appearing relaxed, calm, in control. He didn’t think that it was working. He didn’t think that anything could take away Kevin’s psychological edge. He also didn’t think that it was entirely his fault that Kevin had that edge. Kevin could’ve impassively stared down a charging rhino. Lance loathed him.

“What did you want to talk about?” Kevin was perfectly at ease in the armchair, holding a glass of water, ice cubes tinkling quietly. Lance had refused the offer of a drink, but now he wished that he had something to do with his hands.

“Justin.” Nothing, not a thing, changed in Kevin’s expression. He was still patiently waiting for Lance to get to the point. “We want you to stop seeing him.”

“We?” Kevin asked.

“Me,” Lance said. “Joey.”

“JC?” Kevin asked. “Chris?”

Son-of-a-bitch. Maybe it was unfair of him, but Lance wasn’t one hundred percent certain of where JC’s loyalties would fall; he absolutely knew better than to count on Chris. “Sneaking around, whisking Justin off to undisclosed locations-”

“Sneaking around?” Kevin repeated, faintly amused, a smile quirking his lips. “If I wanted to sneak around, I hope that I’d be better at it than this, since everyone seems to know every move I make.”

“You’re bad for Justin.” What clever remark was Kevin going to have for that?

“If you’ve been paying any attention at all,” and Kevin’s tone suggested that Lance hadn’t, “you’d know that Dan has been the only person holding Justin’s world together. AJ had to remove Dan from the equation, but he couldn’t risk Justin coming apart. So I stepped in.”

“How generous of you,” Lance said dryly. “Am I supposed to buy this explanation?”

“I don’t care what you buy,” Kevin said without anger. “If you don’t like what Justin’s doing, talk to Justin about it.”

“I don’t like what you’re doing,” Lance snapped. “Trevor isn’t interesting enough for you? You aren’t devoted enough to the game to work on fucking him up? Your attention’s wandering? Or maybe Justin has you so fucked up you can’t keep your hands off of him.”

Kevin inhaled slowly. He took a slow drink, then swirled the water in his cup, ice cubes tinkling again. He regarded Lance as if Lance were a particularly boring insect. “Brian’s very…” Grimace. “In love with you.” It sounded painful to say. “I’d snap him out of it if I could. I’d like to be nice to you, for Brian’s sake, but you’re making that very difficult for me.”

“And you’ve worked so hard to make our lives easier,” Lance said sarcastically.

Kevin stood and headed straight for the door. “Get out,” he said, and left.

Lance was tempted to keep his ass right where it was, firmly planted on Kevin’s sofa. He could’ve followed Kevin, but for what? Irritated and hating Kevin as much as ever, he got up and got out, slamming the front door on his way.

AJ was looking at him. Kind of into him.

He didn’t want to be looked at.

“Tell me something.”

He wasn’t allowed to refuse. He’d pledged himself.

AJ shifted closer, dark eyes curious. “What did Nick do to you?”

He turned his head away. “Nothing.”

A soft hiss.

He closed his eyes. “He smacked my ass a lot. My thighs, my back, but mostly my ass. And he,” nausea rolled through his stomach, denial trying to resist, “I had to, he…” He couldn’t believe that he had to say it. “I gave him head.”

“You gave Nick head?”

AJ sounded like he wanted to laugh, and if he did laugh, Justin would punch his fucking face in. “He made me.”

“How was it?”

Justin’s eyes snapped open; he whipped his head around, staring at AJ. “What the hell is wrong with you? He made me give him head! How was it? How the fuck do you think it was?! It was horrible! He was an insulting, degrading asshole! The way he - - with his nasty - - everything he did was to humiliate me!”

“How’d you do?” AJ asked, like he hadn’t just said any of that. “Did you get to use your hands? Did you deep-throat him? Did he come in your mouth?”

Justin glared at AJ, but answered, “I started off using my hands, but he said that I was using them too much, and he made me keep them on my dick.”

“On your dick?” AJ asked.

“Not to do anything, I didn’t - - just to hold it. I deep-throated him, he told me to. He came in my mouth.” Was that enough? Could they stop talking about it now?

“Tell me what it was like,” AJ said, and touched his mouth briefly. “Tell me how you felt about it.”

“I felt like I wanted to throw up and beat him,” Justin said. “I hate him and he’d better never fucking touch me again. And what kind of freak of nature is he? He unloaded cum down my throat like he was pouring out a five-year supply. And he had the nerve to make fun of my dick! My dick is not small, it just has enough sense to run from him!”

“You didn’t like Nick’s dick?”

“It’s too big,” Justin said. “Nothing that size should ever be inserted into any orifice in the human body. It made my jaw ache. Anyone he has sex with should be sent to a hospital.” Justin’s eyes narrowed. “And not just for a psych exam.”

AJ smiled. “I thought that you were in love with Nick.”

Rubbing his forehead, Justin winced. “I…”

“You lust after Kevin, don’t you? Then shouldn’t you lust after Nick? Brian? Howie?”

Justin’s hand dropped; he glared at AJ. “Nick’s an abusive asshole, Brian’s a terrifying freak, and Howie, I don’t know. I don’t know about Howie, but considering what I know about the rest of you, I think I’ll steer clear of him.”

“Hello?” Brian asked.

“Lance is your responsibility,” Kevin said. “Rein him in before I do it for you.”

“What happened?” Brian asked, immediately curious.

“He decided that it was his job to keep me away from Justin. For Justin’s own good.”

“Ooohhh,” Brian said. “Justin won’t like that.”

“I didn’t plan to tell him,” Kevin said.

Brian smiled. “Can I?”

Sprawled on his stomach on the bed, AJ watched TV. Covering his back, stroking his hair, Justin watched over his shoulder.

The phone rang. “Get that for me.”

Justin slid off of him, reaching for the phone. Suddenly, “It’s Kevin,” Justin said anxiously, hastily shoving the phone into his hand.

Languidly rolling onto his back, AJ answered the phone. “Hello.” His gaze wandered Justin’s naked body casually. “Mm-hmm. Yeah.” He smiled. “Yeah.”

Justin crawled back over him, tugging at his shirt, silently begging with desperate eyes.

“Yeah. Okay.” He offered the phone. “Kevin wants to talk to you.”

Justin’s eyes went comically wide; he grabbed the phone and choked out a breathless, “Kevin?”

He’d created a monster. A very well-trained monster, but a monster nonetheless.

Maybe he should’ve thought his plans through more carefully.

Erik was very horny and, probably because he’d been denied orgasm a little too long and wasn’t used to that, he was assertive. However, he was also still very caught up in his adoration of JC and was careful to put JC first. Which, overall, made him very intent on owning JC’s ass but also very considerate of JC’s comfort.

He was hesitant to actually manhandle JC, until JC said, “Honey, you don’t have to keep asking me. If you want me somewhere else, just put me there. I’ll move if I don’t like it.” After that, Erik had JC all over the bed. But every time they moved, the new angle made JC’s skin tingle and his toes curl, so he couldn’t exactly complain. When they moved, they moved fast; Erik didn’t waste a lot of time thrusting back in. But somehow, even then, Erik always managed to position JC comfortably, with a pillow in just the right place and clear of any wet spots.

They fucked until JC’s body was exhausted and his brain was swimming in the happy place. After a long while, Erik eased the pace, thrusting in slow rhythm while JC moaned in silent bliss. It felt so good to be fucked like this, to be fucked like it could last forever, the slow but steady thrusting like it would never stop and he could just have an orgasm in slow-motion for the next few days.

Only one other person had been able to do this for him, only one other person had ever been able to last this long and give him this pure of an experience, only one. And it had been so much like this but nothing like this at all, and this was so close and so so so fucking far, and he’d never thought that he’d get to have that again and he couldn’t, but he was, but he wasn’t, and he loved Nick so much, and he wanted Nick so much, he needed Nick so badly, he, he…

He hated how vulnerable sex made him. Hated how opening his body meant opening his heart, hated how exposing his body meant exposing his soul, hated it. He’d been working on that, getting over it, building up his defenses. And it had been helping, he’d been getting better, he could fuck without caring now, he could.

But his mind had brought up Nick, and his body had remembered Nick, and there were no defenses for that.

None.

“Justin.” Kevin’s voice was slow and dangerous. “I heard that you made some visits today.”

“Yes, Kevin.” He was so scared. What if he’d failed? What if he’d disappointed Kevin? What if he still wasn’t good enough? What if Kevin got mad about what he’d done with Brian and Nick? What if Kevin got mad that he hadn’t done more with Howie?

“AJ told me that you did what I asked. I heard that you kept Howie waiting. Was that a good idea?”

“No, Kevin. I’m sorry, Kevin.” He’d known better, he’d known at the time, he hated himself for fucking up.

“Brian seemed particularly pleased. I’m sure that you’re grateful for his generosity.”

Generosity. Brian’s generosity. His skin crawled; he shuddered with revulsion. “Yes, Kevin. Thank you, Kevin.”

“Nick said that you still have a lot to work on. He expected much better from you. Do you think that he’s right?”

Justin closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally. It was so hard to say it… “Yes, Kevin. I’m sorry, Kevin.”

“I’ll come to get you tomorrow. You and I have a lot to talk about.”

Relief weakened his knees. “Thank you, Kevin.”

“You’re welcome.” Kevin hung up.

Sagging to the floor, Justin rested his head against the edge of the mattress, just breathing. Kevin would come for him. He had another chance. It hadn’t been for nothing. It had been for Kevin. It hadn’t been for nothing.

“Good news?” AJ asked, slipping the phone from his limp hand.

“Kevin’s coming for me.” Kevin. “Tomorrow.” Kevin.

“Good for you.”

“I have to obey. I have to learn. I have to obey.” Justin pushed his forehead against the mattress, breathing deeply, hands balling into fists. “I love Kevin. I love AJ. I love Brian. I love Howie. I love Nick.”

“Do you?” AJ asked.

No. “Yes.”

“Really?”

No. “Yes.” His fingers flexed, fists curling and uncurling.

“You love Nick?” AJ asked. “You want to go back to him? You want to offer him your ass like you always offer it to Kevin? You want to get on your knees for Brian?”

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. “Yes.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

His breath choked him; he needed to scream.

“Justin.”

He needed AJ to shut up and go away. Shut up and go away. Shut up. Go away.

“Tell me that you love me.”

No. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

“Tell me that you love me,” AJ said, softly now, coaxing.

He had to obey. Obey. Obey.

“Justin,” AJ whispered, fingers running through his hair. “Justin, tell me that you love me.”

He loved Kevin. Only Kevin. Always Kevin.

“Justin… Tell me-”

Jerking his head up, he grabbed AJ’s hand, glaring, seething. “I hate you! I fucking hate you! Get-” he shoved “-the fuck off of me!”

A knowing smirk curved AJ’s lips. “Works for me.”

Bastard. Cruel, ugly, evil bastard. “Leave me the fuck alone.”

Gentle, careful fingers stroked through his hair. Erik was always so careful with him, always so in awe of him. Like he’d break or disappear, as if he weren’t quite real.

Sometimes it was flattering. Sometimes it was just irritating.

He hadn’t exactly cried - - he refused to give in to tears when he was alone, so he’d be damned if he’d break down in front of Erik now - - but his personal misery had infected the mood in the room, and after that last orgasm, Erik hadn’t done much more than, well, hold him.

Erik probably thought that he was depressed about Howie, which was useful for the game. It was very helpful to have legitimate motivation to act heartbroken. Clearing his throat, JC decided that he’d better end the silence. Although he wasn’t sure what to say now. “Sorry I ruined the mood, thanks for fucking me so well, how the hell have you gotten this good this fast?” wouldn’t really work.

“I made a girl cry in bed once,” Erik said, fingers threading through his hair. “She cried when she came, like it was so great she couldn’t help it. Made me feel like a huge stud. Until I found out she always cries when she comes, no matter who she’s with. I still felt good about it, though, until we started talking about how many guys she’s been with, and she asked, ‘Besides my step-brother?’ and I-”

Taken aback, JC met Erik’s eyes. “Are you making this up?”

“Yeah,” Erik said with a grin. “But it made you laugh, so it’s worth it.”

“I didn’t laugh,” JC said, but now, suddenly, he was laughing.

“Told you,” Erik said, grinning. “You okay?” Erik asked, stroking his cheek.

“Yeah.” He didn’t know how to explain, so he didn’t say anything else.

When AJ checked his messages, he had two calls from Lance. Rolling his eyes, he dialed.

            “It’s good of you to call me back.”

            Nice opening. “I was busy,” AJ said. “I’m baby-sitting your whacked-out best friend.”

            Lance didn’t waste a second. “If Justin needs someone, then I’ll-”

“Sit your ass down,” AJ said firmly. “The last thing either one of us needs right now is you over here. What do you want?”

“I want to talk to you,” Lance said. “About Justin. About Dan.”

AJ snorted. “Dan? You want to talk to me about Daniel?”

“That’s what I said,” Lance said. “When’s a good time for me to-”

“How about when hell freezes over?” AJ asked. Damn it, he didn’t have the patience for this bullshit. “Tomorrow. Come over tomorrow, Justin’s house. I’ll let you know when.”

“How generous of you,” Lance said. “I’ve called Justin several times, on his cell and at home, and he hasn’t answered. If you’ve been with him all day, maybe you could tell me why-”

“I’m not your gopher or your go-between,” AJ said. “If you want to know why he isn’t answering your calls, ask him yourself.” Not interested in Lance’s reply, AJ hung up. “Idiot.”

Alone in his room, with the TV on, Justin loved Kevin. Strove to think of ways to be better for Kevin. Thought about Dan. Tried not to think about Brian or Nick, or Chris or JC. Wished that he had someone besides AJ to talk to. Missed the guys. Missed Dan.

Kevin was coming for him. Tomorrow, he’d see Kevin again. Another chance.

He had to learn to love Kevin’s friends. He had to try to love the Boys. Kevin loved them, so he should, anyway. Anyone Kevin loved had to be worthy. Maybe he just didn’t know them well enough.

It was easy to whisper, “I love Kevin. I love you, Kevin. I love Kevin. I love you, Kevin,” over and over and over again. He could do that for hours. He didn’t want to say that about AJ; when he thought of Brian, his flesh crawled. What Nick had done to him wasn’t entirely new; it was similar to what Kevin had done to him in the past. But Kevin was Kevin, and Nick was just another classless abusive asshole, like AJ.

So he started with Howie. He had no actual positive feelings for Howie, but Howie had also done the least to him. He tried it. “I love Howie. I love you, Howie. I love Howie. I love you, Howie.” It sounded strange; it felt wrong in his mouth. But he persevered, closing his eyes, whispering it to himself. “I love Howie. I love you, Howie. I love Howie…”

JC seemed okay. Quiet, though. And clingy, staying wrapped up around him, even though Erik was pretty sure that he wasn’t the one on JC’s mind.

“Do you want me to stay?” Erik asked, gently and slowly caressing his fantastic body. “Do you want to be alone?” The question wouldn’t remain unspoken. “Do you want me to call Howie?”

The moment stretched out; JC stroked his hair, gazing somewhere into space over his shoulder, honestly seeming to consider the options. Then, “No, don’t call Howie.” JC’s gaze shifted to meet his. “Why don’t you go on home, honey. But…” He smiled, just a little, and it was a sad smile, a lonely smile. “You won’t mind if I happen to call you up later tonight and ask you to come back?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Erik said. He was worried about JC, and that made something gnaw unhappily at his stomach. Maybe he should call Howie anyway, but now that JC had specifically told him not to, he couldn’t do it without kind of betraying JC.

“You’ve been,” soft breath, “really good to me today, Erik-Michael.” JC’s touch drifted down his cheek. “Thank you.”

JC deserved to be treated spectacularly. “Thanks for, uh,” what was he supposed to call it? “Expanding my horizons.” He felt a peculiar little itch down there, not like a rash, but a prickly kind of feeling, like…anticipation? Awareness?

“Are you okay with that?” JC asked, fingers stroking his neck now. “Do you want to talk about it?”

No, he didn’t want to talk about it. “It’s okay.” He wasn’t ready for some big, sweaty guy to roll him over and - - no, no, but the whole licking thing felt pretty damned good. And the touching thing wasn’t bad, either.

“Okay.” JC kissed him. “Thank you, Erik-Michael.”

That was a dismissal, so he extricated himself from their embrace and got up, pulling on his clothes. When he was dressed, he sat down on the edge of the bed. He pulled the covers up over JC, even though a body like that should never have been hidden from view. “Are you sure I can’t call Howie? He’d come right over and he’d know exactly what to do for you. Or you could call him, just to talk.”

“I think I’m just going to get some rest.” Another small smile; JC’s fingers touched his chest. “You wore me out.”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t, though, not about that. Damn, JC had been incredible, so fucking perfect, he could’ve stayed there forever, rocking into JC like that, his own body slowly going up in flames, JC making those quiet do-it do-me noises.

The fingers on his chest curled into the fabric of his shirt, tugging him down for a tender kiss. “Good-bye, Erik-Michael.”

“Bye,” he murmured, kissing JC again. With an amused noise, JC tolerated it, letting him take what he wanted before gently pushing him back. Swallowing, he got up from the bed. Right. Okay. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will, honey.”

Okay. Right. Erik left.

Outside, it was dark. Night had fallen.

“I love Howie. I love you, Howie. I love Howie. I love you, Howie.”

Strolling into the room, AJ stifled a sigh. Joey had given him trouble once in a while, but at least Joey had been sane. “Hey,” he said, to get Justin’s attention.

The wrist-rubbing stopped; the nonsensical litany ended.

Good. “Get dressed. Company’s coming.”

“Kevin?” Justin asked, immediately alert, already pushing himself up on the bed.

“Brian and Jacob. That means that you and I get to play the happy couple.”

“Brian?” Justin repeated, faltering. Anxiety filled his eyes.

“C’mere,” AJ said. Justin didn’t move. “Come here.” This time, Justin obeyed, walking around the bed and stepping right up to him, uncertain, resentful. “You love Brian, don’t you?” AJ asked, gazing into Justin’s unhappy eyes, stroking his cheek.

Justin twitched, but he said it. “I love Brian.”

“And you love Kevin.”

A flash in Justin’s eyes. “I love Kevin,” he said firmly.

“You love Brian. You saw Brian today, and he must have given Kevin a good report, because Kevin’s coming to get you tomorrow. The more you and Brian get along, the happier Kevin is. Right?”

“Right,” Justin said, following closely.

“You should be excited to see Brian. You love Brian. Every time you see him, it’s another chance to prove yourself to Kevin. Every time you see Nick or Howie, that’s another chance to prove yourself to Kevin. And if you do well tonight, and Brian mentions that to Kevin, Kevin might be nicer to you tomorrow. But if you fuck up tonight, and Brian mentions that…”

Justin stared at him. Justin’s face went white.

“Tonight is important,” AJ said, wanting Justin to grasp that concept. “Whatever Jacob sees tonight, will get back to Dan. And we want Dan to know how happy we are together. We don’t want Dan to have to worry about you, because we don’t want to upset our precious white knight. So you and I are going to be very, very much in love tonight. We want Jacob to walk out of this house thinking that he’s never seen two people more obsessed with each other.”

“I don’t want them in my house,” Justin said.

“Focus,” AJ said. “We can’t let anyone know that you’ve been whipped, so you’re going to have to act like you’re fine.”

“Brian’s not normal,” Justin said.

AJ smiled and kissed him. “Neither are you.”

The three of them were sitting on the practice room floor, Jacob idly strumming his guitar while Chris and Trevor ate chips and made up the worst jingles he’d ever heard. Suddenly Chris totally dropped the rhyme, eyes widening. Jacob was about to look behind himself to see what Chris was staring at, when Chris coughed and went right back into it, and Trevor gave Jacob a “don’t react” look. Mentally shrugging, Jacob played a few more chords while Chris handed the next line off to Trevor.

Cool hands settled over Jacob’s eyes. “Guess who?”

He grinned, fingers falling still on his guitar strings. “It doesn’t sound like the Grammy nominating committee…”

Brian laughed, hands dropping to his shoulders. “Did I walk in on genius in the making?”

“Not remotely,” Jacob said. “I hope you’re here to take me away from this.”

“Would you like one?” Chris asked, offering the bag.

“Thanks,” Brian said, snagging a few chips. “We’re going to dinner at Justin’s house.”

“We’re what?” Jacob asked.

“You’re what?!” Trevor demanded. He coughed. “Sorry. You’re, uh, what?”

“Have a nice time,” Chris said.

“Justin Timberlake?” Trevor asked.

“He doesn’t always go by both names,” Chris said. “Justin’s fine.”

“You’re having dinner at Justin Timberlake’s house?” Trevor asked.

“We’re not having dinner at Justin Timberlake’s house,” Jacob said. He intended to look at Brian over his shoulder, but he barely had to turn his head, because Brian had crouched directly behind him, fingers curling slightly in the fabric of his T-shirt, hands still on his shoulders.

Finished chewing, Brian swallowed. “We’re having dinner at Justin Timberlake’s house. I thought that it might be at AJ’s house, but they’re at Justin’s tonight, so we-”

“Damn,” Trevor said. “Damn, damn, damn-”

“Do you want to go in my place?” Jacob asked.

“I would love to,” Trevor said. “Brian, I’ll be ready in one minute, just let me go-”

“Thanks for the thought,” Brian said to Trevor, “but you’re not getting out of this,” he told Jacob.

“Uh… I don’t want to - - this isn’t - - I just, uh, he’s not your girlfriend,” Trevor said to Jacob. “You could say no. Although why you’d want to say no when Brian freaking Littrell is inviting you over to Justin freaking Timberlake’s house for dinner with AJ freaking McLean is-”

“Could you shut freaking up?” Jacob asked Trevor. Trevor shut up. “Can we talk about this in my room?” he asked Brian.

“Sure,” Brian said, rising with a smile. “We can talk while you get changed.”

“I am not changing clothes,” he said firmly, getting to his feet. “I’m not even going.”

“He’s going,” Trevor said behind him as he marched to the door with Brian.

“And he’s changing clothes,” Chris said.

He didn’t want Brian in his house.

Keeping Brian happy meant keeping Kevin happy.

He didn’t want Jacob in his house.

Jacob would report back to Dan.

Brian freaked him out.

Keeping Brian happy meant keeping Kevin happy.

He’d strangled Jacob. Brian had molested him. These weren’t the people he wanted in his house. Why couldn’t they go to someone else’s house? “Why are they coming here?”

“They’ve already had dinner with Nick and Joey, with Howie, and with Kevin,” AJ said. “Tonight is our turn.”

“Kevin?” Kevin? “They had dinner with Kevin? Jacob ate with Kevin?”

“Here.” AJ handed him a few pills and a cup of water. “Take this. I put your clothes on the bed.”

He frowned at the pills. “I don’t want-”

“It’s not poison,” AJ said. “They’re painkillers and muscle relaxers. You have to act like you’re not hurt.”

“I’m always hurt.”

            “I know that,” AJ said, “but Jacob doesn’t.” Familiar hands smoothed his hair. “You’re so fucked up today.”

            “I’m not fucked up. Your friends are sexual predators.”

            “Your friends are professional victims.”

“They are not.” He swallowed the pills, draining the glass and looking at the clothes spread at the foot of the bed.

“I need you to be nice to Jacob. Apologize to him about trying to kill him, act interested in the bullshit that comes out of his mouth, get friendly. Find a time to touch him so I can overreact and get possessive.”

“I don’t want to touch Jacob.”

“I don’t care.”

“He tried to kill me.” Personally, Jacob thought was all that needed to be said. Justin was an attempted murderer, and since his murder was the one that Justin had attempted, he wasn’t going to set foot in the guy’s house.

“I-”

“Then his psychotic ex-lover, on break from terrorizing my friends, stormed in and tried to finish the job.” Another excellent reason to stay the hell away from both of them.

“You liked Nick.”

“I liked Nick,” Jacob agreed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You liked Howie.”

“I liked Howie a lot,” he said.

“You got along with Kevin.

“Kevin’s great.”

“There’s only one left,” Brian said, with a coaxing smile. “This is the last one. There aren’t any more, I promise, I’m sure of it.”

“No,” Jacob said, and refused to blink.

“I know why you don’t want to do this,” Brian said, stepping closer, hands cupping Jacob’s elbows before sliding up his arms. “I know, and I agree with you, and you’re completely right.”

“I’m glad that we agree.” It was hard to pretend to be unaffected when Brian was this close, stroking his arms, looking right into his eyes and asking for things.

“AJ’s so protective of Justin, it was hard to get him to agree to this. But this isn’t about AJ or Justin, this is about you. You and me. I love you, and AJ’s been a huge part of my life for years now, and I want you to know him. I want you to know him the way that I know him. You’ve only met the crazy version of AJ, the AJ who’s insane without Justin. I want you to meet the one I know.”

“In Justin’s house,” Jacob said, convinced that this was a very bad idea.

“Justin’s different when he’s with AJ. I want you to see that, too. Everything I’ve seen and heard tells me that the Justin you met, the Justin you know, is someone else.”

“I’m sure that, when they’re together, Justin and AJ are both…charming,” Jacob said, “but I think I’ll stay home.”

“Please.” Brian tugged him an inch closer. “Please? Just this one dinner.”

“And you’ll spend the night with me?” Jacob asked. His pulse throbbed. “Here?”

The moment of silence spun out too long.

There was his answer. “Fuck it.” He pulled away, stepped back, turned-

“Jacob.” Brian’s hand caught his arm. “Jacob, don’t - - we talked about this, we-”

“You said that it would be soon.” He couldn’t breathe and his back was still turned to Brian because he couldn’t bear to turn and see. He loved Brian too much. “You told me-”

“Give me one more night.” Brian’s fingers gentled on his arm. “Please, Jacob, give me one more night. Tomorrow night…” A slow, unsteady breath. “I’ll stay tomorrow night.”

His eyes closed. Tomorrow night. His voice sounded strained. “All night?”

A soft breath, almost like a relieved laugh. “All night.”

He swallowed. “What about tonight?”

A pause. “I can’t. I can’t, Jacob, I can’t - - give me this.” Brian’s voice softened. “Give me this. Have dinner with me, and then…give me some space and I’ll come back to you, we’ll be together tomorrow night, I promise. I’ll… I’ll sleep here, with you, like I did before, like I used to. And in the morning… We’ll…talk.” Brian’s fingers curled in the short sleeve of his shirt, briefly stroking beneath the fabric on bare skin. “I love you. I want to be with you, every second, more than you know.”

He opened his eyes, turning, dislodging Brian’s touch but meeting Brian’s eyes. “You don’t act like it,” he said, but there wasn’t anger in his voice, no bitterness.

“But you know that it’s true,” Brian said quietly, gazing into his eyes, and yes. He knew. It was true.

“Where do you go?” he asked. He needed to hear the right answer. “Where do you sleep at night? When you’re not with me… Whose bed are you in?”

Looking startled, Brian laughed. “Are you asking me if - - my bed, mine, I sleep at home! Alone. Jacob, you - - if I had a girlfriend, I’d tell you, you’re the first person I’d tell. I’d never bring anyone new into my life without telling you, without bringing her to meet you. Are you serious? You know I’m not seeing anyone.”

He wanted to ask, wanted to accuse, “What about Lance?” But he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t risk it, couldn’t open that can of worms. Not now, not when Brian had just promised him tomorrow night.

“Both of us are taking this too seriously,” Brian said, giving him a light smile, rubbing his elbow. “We’re acting like - - we’re being silly. We’ve tried spending less time together, and it’s only driven us crazy, so we’ll stop it. We’ll go back to spending as much time together as we want, as much as we can stand.” A brighter smile. “And we’ll kick it off by having dinner with AJ and Justin.”

The refusal wouldn’t come to his lips. Brian was giving him time again. Brian was giving him tomorrow night. Brian was coming back to his bed. “Fine.” Brian’s fingers against his skin were driving him crazy in a too-good way. “But I won’t have a good time.”

“That’s all right.” Brian smiled. “I will.”

He’d been through too much. He couldn’t take more. He needed a break. He needed the guys. He needed Dan. He’d been through too much, too much too fast, one trial after another, without a real chance to put himself back together.

Kevin was coming for him. All he had to do was get through tonight, and tomorrow, he’d see Kevin.

Just a few hours. Just one night. Just one dinner.

Just Jacob.

“You’re a whore,” Jacob said. “You’re a slut. You’re everything you call them and worse. You’re a bitch, Justin, and you’re a cunt, and you’re-”

Just Brian.

“Oh, god,” Brian moaned, jacking him steadily, sucking at the head, tongue swirling over it, “god, Justin,” a hungry groan, “oh, yes…”

Wincing, Justin rubbed his forehead. “He wanted it so much,” Justin said. “He acted like he was so hot for it. I’ve met some enthusiastic women, but he was so…” “Oh, yes, Justin…” Brian’s tongue moved swiftly, wet and greedy over his dick. Groaning, eagerly rubbing his thighs, Brian sucked him in, the whole way down, lips wrapped around him like-

“You have gotten your dick sucked before,” AJ said.

Yes, but, “Not by Brian.”

“He’s not your first guy.”

No, but… “I didn’t want it, but he… He acted like he wanted it so much. He wanted me so much. It was like he was my boyfriend or, or my lover, or... But he’s never acted like he wanted me before, and all of a sudden he couldn’t get enough, and I don’t know where that came from, it felt so real but it didn’t make sense. He couldn’t stop touching me and he was all over me and... And... He... I don’t, I can’t…” Nick’s dick pushing against his tongue, sliding rudely between his lips, too thick and obscenely long and hardening right there in his mouth as- “I can’t do this! I can’t even think straight! I don’t love them and I gave myself to them and I hate you and they used me like-”

AJ’s hand jerked his chin down, his gaze suddenly trapped in dark eyes. “You did what Kevin wanted,” AJ said, voice soft, dark, rough, “and that’s what matters. Now, you’re going to do what I want.”

Panting softly, Justin waited for instructions.

“Love me,” AJ whispered, gazing into his eyes, compelling him. “Adore me.” AJ’s touch didn’t feel anything like Brian’s. Nothing like Nick’s. “Want me. Be…mine.”

Justin swallowed, staring, trapped. AJ’s intensity wouldn’t let him go.

“You love me,” AJ whispered. Music drifted from the speakers and Justin didn’t know when that had begun, or how. “You want me. You’ll do anything for me. And in return,” AJ’s fingers stroked along Justin’s jaw, “I’ll do anything for you.”

He heard every word but he barely understood.

“There’s something between us that we could never deny, that even we can’t control,” AJ said. “Something that’s obvious to everyone who sees us together.”

Justin’s lips parted on the silent question.

Lush, dramatic lashes lowered as AJ whispered, “Passion.”

Passion. Justin eased AJ’s hand from his chin, stroking his fingers across AJ’s palm as he gazed into dark eyes. “Is that what this is?”

“This is whatever I want it to be.” AJ’s thumb rubbed the inside of his wrist. “And tonight, you’re going to be who I need you to be.”

Being this close to AJ physically, having all of his attention on AJ and all of AJ’s attention on him, distracted Justin more than he’d imagined possible from the riot in his mind. Or maybe that was the pills - - his skin felt almost normal, but his mind was a little fuzzy. “What do you need?” They danced in a slow circle together, and as AJ’s hands slid into Justin’s front pockets, Justin slipped his own hands under AJ’s clothes.

“I need you to be strong tonight,” AJ said, either not minding or not noticing where Justin’s hands strayed. “I need you to be my perfect match. I need you to love me, want me, and be so damned into me that you get bitchy and take out anyone who threatens to come between us. I’m your world, and you’re mine. You have attitude, you have bite, you’re possessive.”

Justin breathed, processing that, fingers slipping slowly over AJ’s skin. “You want me to snap at Jacob.” He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t pull that off. How could he be bitchy and possessive when he wasn’t even sure how he was standing upright?

“Yes. Don’t go too far, don’t be mean, but everyone’s passed around the story that you and I are hot and obsessive and rude and possessive, and we have to show it to Jacob tonight.”

Justin rubbed a line of muscle. “What if-”

“Act confident, act calm,” AJ said. “Follow my lead, you’ll pick it up.”

Okay. He’d follow AJ’s lead. He’d act confident. Confident and calm. Confident and calm and strong. But he wasn’t strong, and he wasn’t stable, and the balance in his mind shifted again, and Justin felt fear wash back in. Swallowing, he closed his eyes, trying to block it out. But it was still there, more and more present, more and more real. He could still feel Nick’s hand gripping his face, Nick’s dick thrusting- “Did you know?”

“Did I know what?”

“What they were going to do to me.” He shouldn’t be asking.

“Justin, now is not a good time for you to become more paranoid.”

“He made me - - he treated me like - - no one’s ever, no one but Kevin, I didn’t think - - I wasn’t ready, I-” Kevin was the only one who’d ever done that to him, who’d ever talked to him like that and used him like that and made him feel…like that, sick and dirty and filthy and less than human. Kevin had told him that he deserved to be treated like that, that someday everyone would look at him that way, but he hadn’t expected it just yet, he hadn’t been prepared for it. It was bad enough, hard enough to take from Kevin, but from someone else… Shuddering, Justin dug his nails into AJ’s flesh, wanting to leave his own body and his own life and his own existence, wanting to curl up inside of AJ’s just for a moment, just to escape before the darkness clawing his mind took over.

“If we’re not fucking,” AJ paused to pry his hands away, “you can’t draw blood.” Justin curled his fingers through AJ’s, not wanting to let go. “I know you’re upset, but I don’t know what you want me to do about it. We’re already dancing. We can dance faster, if you can take it.”

Dancing wasn’t enough. He needed to be taken away, needed to be taken out of his body, out of his head. He couldn’t go through with dinner tonight if he didn’t have this now. It would stabilize him, it would ground him, it would center him, he knew that it would. And he needed that. Licking his lips, he met AJ’s eyes.

“You’re out of your fucking mind.” AJ shook his head. “Painkillers can only do so much. You can’t-”

“I can take it,” Justin said. “I need it,” he insisted, pulling AJ’s hands to his chest. “I can take it. I can take anything.” He’d done it before. He’d done worse.

Glancing at the time, AJ met his eyes again. “You’d have to ride.”

“No.” Justin shook his head. “I need you to do it, I need you to control it, I need you to-”

“I’m not giving you more painkillers until after dinner,” AJ warned him. “I can’t risk having you too far gone.”

“It’s okay. I can do it. If you do this, I can do it.”

AJ looked into his eyes, gaze focused, seeing inside of him. A moment, then AJ nodded. “Okay. Let’s make it quick.”

Continue on to part seventy-six

matthew@matthewtime.com
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