Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-February 24, 2006 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part seventy-one

            “How many women have you been with?”

            Joey laughed.  “How many women have you been with?”

            Ashley smiled, running his fingers over the hair on Joey’s chest.  “A few.”

            “I’ve been with a few more.”

            “Just a few more?” Ashley asked, with a knowing smile.

            Joey kissed him.  “I don’t keep track of numbers.”  The hollow at the base of Ashley’s throat tasted good.  He decided to find out what else tasted good; Ashley moaned, stretching under him.

            “Sweetness!”

            Ashley gasped.

            “Shit.”  Joey sighed against Ashley’s ribcage, pushing himself up.  “I’m busy!” he yelled back.

            “Doing what?”  Nick appeared in the bedroom door; blushing furiously, Ashley scrambled for cover under the sheets.  “Oh, hell.  What’s he doing here?”

            “I didn’t think you’d be home until later,” Joey said.

            “Send him home.”

            “Nick, Ashley’s my guest.  I’m not just going to send him home because you feel like throwing your weight around.”

            Nick looked pissed.  “I can’t spend time with my boyfriend because this bitch is in our bed?”

            “Ashley and I’ve had a great day together, and I’m not cutting it short just because you’re throwing a temper tantrum.”

            “A temper tantrum?” Nick demanded.  “A temper - - you want to see a temper tantrum?  I’ll-”

            “Damn it, don’t-”

            “-show you a fucking temper tantrum!”  The bedroom door slammed; Nick stormed down the hallway.

            “He’s not going to do anything, is he?” Ashley asked, worried.

            Crash!

            “That motherfucking…”  Joey was up and leaving the bed, grabbing a pair of pants.  “Stay here.”  The door slammed again.

            Alone, Ashley listened to a few smashing sounds and raised voices.  Furious with Nick and frustrated, he got up, pulling on his jeans and tank top.  He’d never heard Nick and Joey yell at each other like this.

            Maybe their relationship wasn’t as solid as Nick liked to pretend.

            All of a sudden, it got quiet.

            He waited, hitching up his jeans as they slid down his hips, wishing that he’d worn underwear.

            It stayed quiet.

            Curious, not sure whether the relative stillness was a good sign or a bad one, he opened the bedroom door.

            Silence.

            He hesitated, then slipped down the hallway.  Hearing a thump, he stepped towards the kitchen, then peered inside.

            They were on opposite sides of the kitchen table, making out, Nick crawling across the table to get to Joey.  Joey groaned, reaching for Nick, dragging him closer.

            They weren’t fighting anymore.  Ashley was glad about that, for Joey’s sake, but damn it, if they could shout like that and then kiss like this, there was a passion between them that he had to combat.

            Instead of climbing down from the table, Nick tugged at Joey, encouraging him up.  Joey balked, kissing Nick with determination and lust but not joining him on the table.  The way Joey’s tongue pushed into Nick’s mouth made Ashley sweat.  Then, Joey panted, “I have to get back to Ashley.”

“I have to get back in your ass,” Nick said, kissing him deeply.  “Send him home.”

Ashley bristled.  He wanted to curse Nick out, but he couldn’t afford to do it.  AJ’s warning had been too explicit.  He had to keep Nick happy.  But how could he balance keeping Nick happy with his own need to be with Joey?  How could he pacify Nick without sacrificing his relationship with Joey?

“Pretty,” Joey said, noticing him, sounding startled, stepping away from Nick and wiping his mouth.

“Angel, fuck off,” Nick said, getting down from the table.

Looking around, for the first time Ashley really noticed the extent of the damage.  What the hell had Nick done?  Was that what happened when Nick didn’t get his way - - he broke shit?

“Nick just likes attention,” Joey said, catching his roaming gaze.  “Don’t worry about it.”

Don’t worry about it?  How could Joey be attracted to someone this selfish and destructive?

“We,” Joey poked Nick in the chest, “will talk about this later.”  Nick kissed him, and he turned to Ashley.  “I’ll put some clothes on and we’ll go back to your place, pretty.  Then we can say good-bye in private.”

            Joey was taking him home.  Ditching him, to please Nick?  Or simply escaping Nick and removing him from an unpleasant situation?  Not wanting to show how confused he was, Ashley smiled.  “Great.”

            Nick gave him a dirty look.

            Ashley swallowed, remembering AJ’s soft, angry growl.  “I can call and get a ride,” he offered.  “You don’t have to-”

            “Pretty.”  Joey wrapped an arm around him, giving him a familiar squeeze.  “Don’t be silly.  Come on, come and help me get dressed.  You can,” flirtatious smile, “zip me up.”

            “Yeah, Angel.”  Nick smirked at him, hostility flashing in blue eyes.  “Zip Joey up and run along home like a good boy.”

            Damn it, he was doing his best, he was making every concession he could, he was trying!  Why couldn’t that be good enough?  Nick kept saying that he wasn’t a threat, so why was Nick giving him this much attitude?  If he wasn’t a threat, why was AJ after him?

            Because he was a threat.

            But then why wouldn’t Nick tell Joey to get rid of him?

            Because Nick didn’t have that kind of power anymore.

            Because Joey was in love with him.  Because Joey wanted him.  That was it.  He’d finally figured it out.  Now it made sense.  Nick was scared, and AJ was pissed, and he was winning.

“What’s that pretty smile for?” Joey asked.

            “Nothing.”  He turned his smile on Joey, warmth spreading within.  “Take me home.”

            Kevin opened the door with a smile.  “You’re just in time.  Dinner got here five minutes ago.”

            “I hope you ordered from Davisson’s,” Brian said, entering the house.

            “Where else?”  Kevin extended his hand, friendly curiosity in his eyes.  “How are you doing?”

            “I’m fine,” Jacob said, shaking his hand.  Firm grip.  “We had a pretty big morning over at my house, when Trevor’s car came back from the shop.”

            Kevin laughed, surprised.  “You are direct.”

            “I told you,” Brian said.  His hand on Jacob’s back was breathtaking and familiar.  “Maybe you could wait until we all sit down.”

            “It’s okay,” Kevin said.  “I’m not fond of explaining myself to just anyone, but I’ll make an exception.”

            Well, wasn’t that big of him?  As Kevin led the way to the kitchen, Jacob let Brian’s hand on his back guide him forward.  He knew better than to touch Brian in front of witnesses.  Brian didn’t notice anything about his caresses, didn’t suspect his intentions, but not everyone was as open-minded and generously oblivious as Brian.  Jacob wasn’t about to let anyone question his behavior and arouse questions in Brian’s mind and throw his plans off-course.

            “Have a seat.”  Kevin moved easily around the kitchen.  Brian guided Jacob onto a chair, then left him there with an encouraging arm squeeze and helped Kevin to set out plates and food.  Soon everything was out and they were all seated.  “You want to do the honors?” Kevin asked Brian.

            “All right.”  Brian offered each of them a hand, then bowed his head.  Jacob hadn’t sat down with people who said grace in so long, he felt a quick tug at his heart as he took their hands and closed his eyes.

            It was just one more way that he felt close to Brian.  One more thing to admire; one more way that Brian was different, special, unique from the overhyped celebrities created by the Hollywood culture.

            As they began to eat, Kevin said, “Trevor has been a good friend.  He’s been generous with me and I enjoy his company.”

            Generous.  That was one way to describe someone who ran errands and performed menial labor.

            “While he was here visiting me, his car was attacked.  At my home, in my driveway.  I felt responsible for it.”

            “Kevin thinks that he’s responsible for everything,” Brian said.

            “If I borrowed something from you,” Kevin said to Jacob, “and I broke it, I wouldn’t return it to you still broken.  That’s inexcusable.  I’d return it to you in better condition than I borrowed it.”

            “You didn’t ruin Trevor’s car,” Jacob said.

            “It happened while it was on my property.”

            “Then you were just being ethical and responsible,” Jacob said.  “It had nothing to do with trying to win Trevor’s affection.”

            Brian choked, startled, coughing.  “Whew.  Excuse me.”  He coughed again.

            “You don’t hold anything back, do you?” Kevin asked, studying him.

            “I do when I want to.”  Jacob didn’t know if Kevin’s scrutiny was supposed to intimidate him, but if so, it wasn’t working.  The only real effect Kevin’s gaze had was to remind him of another pair of green eyes.  A quick, scalding rush of heat burned through him at the whirlwind of shame and memory.

            “I think a lot of Trevor,” Kevin said.  “He’s a terrific person.  But I also…”  He rubbed his hands together, finding words.  “I still care for Chris, in a way.  I don’t like that he’s been upset because of me.  I never intended to hurt Chris.”

            “Really.”

            “I want Chris to be happy.  I would love for him to find happiness.  And Trevor makes him happy.  I’m glad that they’re together.  Trevor’s a great guy.  They really mean a lot to each other, and I respect that.  I’d never move in on someone who’s already in a relationship.”

            That was fine, but, “If they hadn’t gotten back together?”

            Kevin laughed.  “I would’ve been all over Trevor like ants at a picnic.  But he’s in love with Chris, and I care about both of them too much to put myself in the middle.”

            “You still managed to trick out his car.”

            “That was before I knew that they were together again.  I talked to the shop before Trevor told me that he and Chris had reunited.  Today, I told him to consider the car a parting gift.  I know that it’s too complicated for us to be friends now.  Because I wouldn’t be satisfied with just being friends.”

            AJ closed his phone and went back upstairs.  Justin had pulled the phone from the nightstand and was clutching it in one hand, not talking, not dialing, just holding it tightly and rubbing his face into the pillow.

            Taking the phone from him, setting it out of reach, AJ sat beside him.  “We’ll go see Brian, Howie, and Nick tomorrow.  I’ll trim you up before we go.”

            Justin raised his head from the pillow, anxious.  “What about tonight?  Can’t we do it tonight?”

            “They’re busy tonight.  We don’t all live at your beck and call.”

            “I can’t see Kevin again until I talk to them.”

            Stubborn as hell.  “You never give up.”

            “I love him.  I belong to him.  I didn’t mean to bother Brian, I just wanted to do the right thing, and Brian was helping me to figure it out.  But I shouldn’t have, I should have known better.”

            AJ stretched out beside him, relaxing.  “You want to eat anything?”

            “No.”  A heartbeat, and then Justin rushed to correct himself.  “No, thank you, AJ.”

            “Let me know.”  Finding the remote, AJ turned on the TV.

            “AJ?”

            “Hmm.”  He flipped through a few channels.

            Justin’s voice was quiet.  Unsure.  “Thank you.”

            “For what?”

            “For not telling on me.”  Justin was pathetically grateful.  “I’m rude and disrespectful and argumentative and selfish with you every time we talk, and you haven’t punished me.  You haven’t told Kevin.”

            “So don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.”  He looked so pitiful, AJ stroked his eyebrows.  “What goes down between you and me is between you and me.  I know how to deal with it.  If Kevin decides to step in about anything, that’s up to him, but as far as I’m concerned, between you and me, we’re good.”

            With a soft, miserable noise, Justin wrapped an arm around his waist, hauling him closer, face pressed to his shoulder.  “I’m sorry.”

            AJ tried to find unharmed skin to caress to soothe him.

            “I’m sorry, AJ, I’m sorry that I disobey you, I’m sorry that I don’t listen to you, I’m sorry that I’m disrespectful.  You’re not Kevin and it’s so hard for me to submit to anyone who’s not him, but I’ll learn, I can learn.”

            “You want to do me a favor?” AJ asked, shifting closer and somewhat underneath him to make him more comfortable.

            “Anything,” Justin promised against his neck.

            “Stop trying to call Dan.”

            A choked whimper.  “He loves me.”

            “How do you think he’d feel if he saw you right now?”

            Sniffle.  “Dan wouldn’t have let this happen to me.”

            “He would’ve stepped in and kept Kevin from leaving with you?” AJ asked.  “Do you think that white bread has superpowers?”

            “He loves me,” Justin insisted.

            “Well, good for him.”  AJ stroked Justin’s hair.  “He’s the only one.”

            Jacob really liked Chris.  Chris was funny and real and kind of crazy and someone he could really talk to.  Trevor had made the right choice.

            Then again, Kevin wouldn’t have been a bad choice, either.  Kevin was confident, comfortable with himself, ethical, generous, and seemed to have the same solid spiritual foundation that Brian did.  And he had a million Brian stories.

            Kevin told Jacob about Brian and his brother’s bicycle.  Brian told Jacob about Kevin and the Johnson twins.  Kevin told the story about Brian and the church recital.  Brian told the story about Kevin and the neighbor’s dog.  While Brian was in the bathroom, Kevin told Jacob about Brian and the Christmas tree.  While they were cleaning up from dinner, Brian told him about Kevin and the roofing accident.

            “You fell off of the roof?” Jacob asked, shocked.

            “He didn’t break anything,” Kevin said.

            “How can you not break anything when you fall off of a roof?!” Jacob demanded.  “Were you okay?”

            “I was fine,” Brian said.

            “It was an accident,” Kevin said.  “He shouldn’t have been up there anyway.”

            “I can’t believe you never told me that you fell off of a roof,” Jacob said.

            “Did he tell you about his first speeding ticket?” Kevin asked.

            Brian groaned, turning away.  “Not this…”

            Jacob grinned.  “Tell me.”

            “Thank you for spending today with me,” Joey said, embracing him.

            “That’s what I was going to say,” Ashley said, wrapping his arms around Joey.  God, that felt good.  “I love being with you.”

            “I’m sorry that we got interrupted.”  Joey’s embrace tightened.  “I’ll call you.  We’ll make plans.”

            Ashley already couldn’t wait to see Joey again.  “I’d like that.”  Joey kissed him, and his lips parted for it, his body growing warm as his hand stroked Joey’s beard.  “I love you,” he whispered, not afraid, not ashamed.  He loved Joey most, and he was the only one who put Joey first.  He didn’t know why, but it was obvious that Nick’s main priority was Nick.

            “I love you, too, pretty.”  Joey’s hands slid down to his ass, fingers dipping beneath his waistband to stroke his cleft.  A low, aroused moan.  “God, you feel good.”

            “Come upstairs with me.”  The tantalizing caress, the rhythm of Joey’s kiss, Ashley’s hormones were spinning.  He never got enough of Joey.  He always wanted to be closer, closer, closer.  Joey’s open, confident, masculine sexuality drew him in.

            “Pretty, we just did that.”  But Joey continued to kiss him, and Joey’s touch grew more bold.  As Joey’s caress stroked farther and farther down, Ashley’s pants showed more and more skin, and his dick strained painfully against his fly.

            When he ground against Joey, the size and hardness of Joey’s dick made him moan from the inside out.  Oh, god, yes, “Joey…”

            “Damn, pretty, you know how to make me want it.”

            Joey sounded ready to fuck him on the nearest handy surface, and Ashley loved that.  “If you want it,” he paused to kiss Joey, running his hand up Joey’s thigh, “then take it.”

            “You’re killing me,” Joey protested, hand sliding over his ass, cupping, squeezing.  “Have mercy on me, pretty, say good night.”

            God, that felt good.  “I don’t want to,” Ashley murmured, running his hands over Joey’s chest, wishing that Joey’s shirt weren’t in the way.

            With a groan, Joey broke their kiss.  “Pretty…”

            Undeterred, Ashley kissed Joey’s cheek, nuzzling his beard.  “If you stay, I’ll make you breakfast.”

            Joey sounded tempted.  “How well do you cook?”

            He kissed Joey’s lips gently, stroking Joey’s beard.  “I make a good omelet.”

            A depressed sigh.  “Nick would kill me.”

            “But I,” Ashley kissed him, smiling, “would love you.”

            Joey kissed him, then rubbed his back.  “I want to stay, pretty, I do.  But Nick - - maybe next time.  Okay?”

            Damn it.  Damn it, why couldn’t he ever win?  Why couldn’t he just once get the victory?  What did Nick have that meant no matter what, Ashley would always be second best?

            “Don’t be mad, pretty.”  Joey kissed him.  “Smile for me.  Smile for Joey.  I can’t leave when you’re mad at me, pretty.”

            “I’m not mad at you.”  He was mad at Nick.  “I had a great time today.”

            “So did I.”  Joey hugged him.  “I’ll call you soon.”

            “Okay.”  He forced himself to get go.  “Bye.”

            Cupping his chin, Joey gave him another kiss, then left.

            Nick had won.

            Ashley refused to play Nick’s games, refused to stoop to Nick’s level, refused to pull petty stunts and throw petty tantrums and become self-absorbed and destructive and mean.  That wasn’t who he was.  And Joey deserved better.

            Jacob shook Kevin’s hand.  “Thanks for dinner.”

            “Thanks for embarrassing me,” Brian said.

            Kevin smiled at Jacob.  “We should do it again sometime.”

            Brian herded Jacob out of the house.  “Next time,” he warned Kevin, “I’m bringing a photo album.”

            “The photo album!” Kevin exclaimed.  “Jake, get back in here, I-”

            “No!” Brian exclaimed, pushing Jacob back.  “Good-bye,” he said, and yanked the door shut.

            “Pictures?” Jacob asked, grinning at Brian.  “I’d love to see pictures of you running around as a kid.”

            “No, you wouldn’t.”  Brian shuddered, getting into the car.

            Jacob sat beside him, closing the door.  “I bet you were cute.”

            “No one with this nose is ever going to be cute.”  Brian grinned at him.  “You must have been adorable.”

            “Not me.”  He ran a finger down the line of Brian’s nose.  “I love it.”

Brian’s smile flooded the car with light.  “I love yours.”  Brian tapped the end of his nose.  “Maybe we should trade.”  Brian’s fingers trailed across his cheek.  “A lot of people are intimidated by Kevin.  But I knew that you’d be as honest with him as you always are with me and everyone else.  You always cut right through the bullshit, and I admire you so much for it.”

The slow, gentle stroking of Brian’s fingers by his temple was pushing his heartbeat faster, faster.  He gazed at Brian in the darkness of the car, luxuriating in Brian’s touch.  “Intimidated?”

Quick smile.  “I think it’s the eyebrows.”

            “He’s a pussycat.”

            Brian laughed, hand dropping.  “Don’t give away his secret.”

            “Don’t ever do that again,” Joey said, walking into the house.

            “It worked,” Nick said from the sofa.

            Joey sat beside him.  “You can’t fuck up my shit.  I’m not JC.”

            Lowering the volume on the TV, Nick shrugged.  “You let AJ trash your stuff all of the time.”

            “You’re not AJ.  I’m not going to take whatever you dish out.”

            Quick grin.  “I didn’t smash anything important.”

            “I appreciate it.”  Joey rested his arm along the back of the couch, behind Nick’s shoulders.  “You didn’t clean it up, did you?”

            “No.  You have so much experience cleaning up after AJ, I thought you’d do a better job.”  Nick glanced at him.  “It’s sick that having your shit trashed makes you hot.”

            “It’s sick that trashing someone’s shit makes you hot.”

            Nick grinned at him.  “We could be the perfect couple.”

            Brian parked in the driveway.

            “You won’t come in?” Jacob asked.

            “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

            Jacob embraced him.  “I feel like we never see each other anymore.”

            Brian stroked his back.  “We just had dinner together.”

            “With Kevin.  I need time where I have you all to myself.”

            “I know.”  Brian’s caress slowed.  “I know.”  Brian’s arms tightened around him.  “I love you so much, Jacob.”  His voice was soft.  “Every second we’re not together, I miss you.”

            “Don’t go.”  Jacob’s heart pounded.  “Stay here with me tonight.”

            “I can’t.”  Brian’s fingers knotted in his dreads.  “Soon.”

            “Soon?”  Jacob had to know what that meant.

            “Soon.”  Brian whispered it.  “Ask me tomorrow.”

            Oh, god.  Tension, anticipation, and need pulsed agonizingly in Jacob’s chest.  “Brian…”

            Pulling away, Brian’s fingers grazed his lips, a fleeting touch.  “Ask me tomorrow.”

            Jacob gazed into his eyes.  Did that mean…  Was Brian saying…  Could it be?

            Brian’s smile was gentle.  Loving.  “Good night.”

            Jacob almost succumbed to the need to kiss him.  “Good night.”

            Getting out of the car and walking into the house alone was hell.

            But it wouldn’t be that way for long.

            Soon, he wouldn’t be doing it alone.

            Soon, he’d bring Brian back to his bed.

            Soon.

            Ask me tomorrow.

            AJ reclined against pillows, watching TV, Justin resting on him, Justin’s head pillowed on his chest.  Justin kept touching him, stroking his nipples, stroking his ribs, stroking up under his arm.  The caresses slowed with time.  Justin’s voice was tired.  “Why does Kevin want me to hate Chris?”

            “Ask Kevin.”

            “Why does he tell me things?  Things about Chris giving him head, how good Chris is.  I don’t want to hate Chris, but now I have to.  Kevin wants him more than me.”

            “You don’t have that much experience.  You’ve fucked a lot of women, but you’ve only given head to two guys in your entire life.  Maybe it’s time to pick up some new technique.”

            “I know what Kevin wants.  I learned on him, I know what he likes.”

            AJ dragged his fingernails lightly across the back of Justin’s neck.  “Chris must have something you don’t.”

            “Which one of us do you want more?”

            Not a difficult question.  “Joey.”

            “Me or Chris.”

            “You.  I like your body more than his.”

            “Kevin has such high expectations.  What does Chris give him?  What does Chris do for him?”

            Well…  “I’m willing to bet that Chris doesn’t ask as many selfish, stupid questions.  Chris knows his place.  Kevin likes that.”

            “I have to learn,” Justin whispered, nails digging in briefly.  “I have to learn.”

            AJ stroked behind his ear.  “Good luck with that.”

            “You had a busy day,” Brian said, sitting beside Kevin on the sofa.

            “I had a few things to take care of,” Kevin said, taking a sip of wine.

            With a sigh, Brian let his head drop to Kevin’s shoulder.  When Kevin offered him the glass, he drank a little, licking his lips and passing it back.  “This dance with Jacob is torture.”

            “You love a good cocktease.”

            “When I’m doing the teasing,” Brian said.  “This is driving me crazy.  It’s like when I couldn’t have my pet.  When he was right there in front of me and I couldn’t give, I couldn’t take, all I could do was love and need and fantasize.  I know that Jacob wants me, he’s in bed right now pleasuring himself and thinking about me.  I wish that I could give him what he wants.  I wish that I could take what he’s trying to give me.”

            “You will,” Kevin said.  “Eventually.”

            Another sigh.  Brian took the glass from Kevin, sipping.  “What did you think of my love tonight?”

            “I think that he deserves everything he’s about to get.  If it were up to me, he would’ve been right beside Justin on that bed today.  Only I wouldn’t have gone as easy on him.”

            Brian made a pleased sound, smiling slightly.  “He’d be beautiful in his suffering.”  A slow sip, a slow smile.  “Did you use a ball gag?”

            “I had to.  I wasn’t about to listen to those pathetic screams at full volume.”

            “His soft lips stretched around it…  Desperation in his eyes…  Justin makes a very good victim.”  Brian turned the glass in his hands.  “AJ’s bringing him by in the morning.”

            “AJ shouldn’t have to chauffeur and baby-sit him.  It’s ridiculous.  It’s offensive that AJ should have to waste that much time and energy on someone so worthless.”

            “I don’t consider any of my time wasted.  It’s all for a very good cause.”

            “I had to deal with Trevor, Justin, Chris, and Jacob today.”

            “I hope that Chris was nice to you.”

“He gave me head.”

“Mmm…”  Brian’s eyes drifted shut.  “My pet’s sweet mouth knows just how to please me.”

“It’s not that bad at pleasing me, either.”

            A peaceful smile crossed Brian’s face.  “Tell me what he did for you.”

            Laughing, threatening, Chris kicked off from the edge of the pool, chasing Brian towards the deep end.  Taunting him, holding onto the ball, Brian evaded his grasp, ducking underwater.  Cursing, Chris dove in to get him, catching hold of an ankle.  Brian tried to twist away, and he caught a handful of Brian’s bathing suit and pulled.  Brian tried to yank it back up, wrestling him for it.  When they surfaced, Brian was slippery in his arms, and the ball floated away, unnoticed.

            Chris held Brian close, keeping an arm around Brian’s waist, his thigh rubbing against and between Brian’s underwater, out of sight.  Water dripped from Brian’s lashes.  “I think they’re watching.”  Brian sounded out of breath.

            Not bothering to look away from Brian, Chris said, “It’s just Lance and Howie.”  He carefully smoothed wet locks of hair back from Brian’s face.  All Brian had on was a bathing suit, and he wanted it gone.

            “Chris.”  Brian swallowed, leaning incrementally closer, gaze finding his mouth.  One hand slid up Chris’s chest, stopping on his shoulder; the other slid up his shorts, nails dragging briefly across his thigh.

            Tilting his head to one side, Chris ran his thumb across Brian’s cheek, wiping away beads of water.

            Brian’s lips parted.  His body was so close-

            -Brian-

            -the dream faded.  Vainly attempting to cling to sleep, Chris tried to find that moment again, but it was elusive.  He was awake.  Awake, and alone.  His soul panted out Brian’s name, but there was no answer.

            Rolling over, he curled his fist around his erection.  That morning in the pool.  He and Brian hadn’t been lovers for very long then.  Wanting Brian, the possibility of sex and heat and erotic intimacy between them, had still been new.  He remembered making love to Brian that night.  The way Brian had moaned, grinding against him, gripping him, hot for him.  He’d pushed his hand down the front of Brian’s pants and-

            Tense, shuddering, groaning Brian’s name, he came.

            When Justin wakened, everything hurt.  His muscles ached, and his skin screamed.  The worst pain was inside his brain, his thoughts, and he let a whimper escape.  Turning his face to the pillow, he chewed on his lips to keep the horrified wailing in, doing his best not to think of anything but something good, something pleasant, like the pure smoothness of Kevin’s skin or the hard strength of Kevin’s thighs or the way it felt when Kevin smiled at him, when Kevin kissed him like he was desirable, when Kevin licked him in places that made him shudder with arousal.

            The way it felt when Dan held him at night.  The way it felt when Dan squeezed his hand.  One, two.  Three, four.  He needed that again.  He needed that today.  He needed that support, needed that reassurance, needed to feel like someone believed in him, needed to feel like there was a reason to keep going.  Things were bad, and he was scared, and he didn’t know how he was going to get through it.

            But that wasn’t a new thought, was it?  This fear was old fear.  Constant fear.  He was always one step away from being overwhelmed.  And he always kept going.  He always made it through to the next day.  He didn’t know why, he didn’t know how, but he managed it.

            He could make it through today, too.  Even if it meant pledging himself to people who weren’t Kevin.  He was doing it for Kevin.  He’d do anything for Kevin.

            “Kevin,” he whispered to himself, eyes squeezed shut.  “Obedience.  AJ.  Respect.  Brian.  Love.  Howie.  Reverence.  Nick.”

            “I love it when you talk to yourself.”  He felt AJ sit beside him on the bed.  “How do you feel?”

            “I love Kevin.”  He flinched when he felt AJ begin to rub cream onto his back.  “I want Dan.”

            “You can’t have Dan, and I don’t think that Kevin’s too interested in hearing from you right now.”

            “Can we-”

            “We’re going to see the fellas first thing this morning.  Right after I have breakfast and trim your snatch.  Okay?”

            “Thank you, AJ.”

            “You’re welcome.”  AJ’s hands stroked lower.  “I guess my lube job went to waste.”

            A quick flicker of…something…passed through Justin at the memory of AJ’s fingers easing into him.  “Kevin didn’t want me.”

            “There’s always next time.”  AJ patted his calf.  “You want me to bring you breakfast?”

            Justin didn’t get it.  “You’re being nice to me.”

            “I am,” AJ agreed, “so appreciate it while it’s happening.”

            Chris was puttering around the house, getting breakfast, thinking about the way Brian’s hair curled at his nape, when the phone rang.  He found a spoon and picked up the phone.  “Kirkpatrick.”

            “Chris.  How are you?”

            Chris blinked.  “How am I?”  Well, how was he?  “I miss Brian.”

            Kevin chuckled.  “At least I can be sure I dialed the right number.  Besides missing Brian, how are you, otherwise?”

            “I’m fine.”  He tapped the spoon against the countertop.  “I was going to go see Trevor.”

            “That’s fine.  You’re not spending too much time with him, are you?  Do you need a break today?”

            “No, I like being with him.  He makes me feel better.”  This was an odd call.  “Do you need me to do something?”

            “No.  I just wanted to make sure that you were all right.  After that incident by the side of the road, I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.  You’ll let me know if you need a break?”

            Was this a trap?  “Okay.  Thank you.”

            “Take care of yourself.  I’ll call you.”

            “Okay.  Bye.”

            “Chris.”

            He paused.  “Yes?”

            “Have a good day.”  Kevin hung up.

            Chris looked at his phone.  Hung up.  Frowned.  Dialed.

            “Hello?”

            “This is Chris.  Did you just call me?”

            “Yes,” Kevin said.  “We just spoke a second ago.”

            “Just checking.  Bye.”  He hung up.  It really had been Kevin.  Telling him to have a good day.  He kept forgetting how nice Kevin was to him.  It still didn’t feel real.

            The phone rang.

            “Kirkpatrick.”

            “What are you doing?”

            He looked around the kitchen.  “Making breakfast.”

            “You haven’t eaten yet?”

            “No.”

            “Come over here.”

            Okay.  “For what?”

            Kevin laughed.  “For breakfast.”

            They met for breakfast now?  “Okay.  I might have to get dressed first.”

            “It’s okay.  I’ll wait.”  Kevin hung up.

            Chris dialed.

            “Hello.”

            “Hi.”

            “Hi,” Kevin said, sounding amused.

“What are we having for breakfast?” Chris asked, walking to his bedroom.

“That depends on what you want to have for breakfast,” Kevin said.  “How do waffles sound?”

“Fresh, or from the box?”

“Fresh.”

“With strawberries?”

“With strawberries,” Kevin agreed.

“I could be persuaded to eat that.”

“Good.”  Pause.  “What are you wearing?”

“Underwear, stubble, and cum stains.  What are you wearing?”

“Jeans.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

Hmm.  “That sounds like a good look for you.”

Low chuckle, right in his ear.  “You can come over and see for yourself.”

            After breakfast, Justin stood in the bathroom while AJ knelt down before him.

            “I won’t shave it bald,” AJ said.  “That shit turns me off.”  He tapped his fingers on Justin’s thigh, eyeing the area with a speculative gaze.  “It’ll have to be a pretty close trim, though.”  He shrugged.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

            His body wasn’t his own.  It belonged to Kevin.  Kevin wanted this done to it.  Kevin wanted AJ in charge of this.  Preferring not to watch the process, Justin kept his gaze on AJ.  AJ, who’d been given power over him.  Control of him.

            AJ possessed that most rare and sacred gift: Kevin’s love.  How?  Why?  Who was AJ, to be given something that precious and elusive?

            “Most guys would be a lot more freaked out having me hold a razor to their balls,” AJ said midway through.

            Justin couldn’t summon emotion.  “I’ve been through worse.”

            When it was over, AJ rose.  “You want to see?”

            Kevin would want him to look.  Justin turned to the mirror, automatically avoiding his face’s reflection but making himself look at AJ’s work.  Most of his pubic hair was shaved off; what remained had been neatly trimmed around his dick.  The tattoo was exposed, stark against his flesh.  Kevin’s claim.

            “I think I did a damned good job,” AJ said.

            It was what Kevin wanted.  He made himself keep looking at it.  “Thank you, AJ.”

            “Hey.”  AJ’s hand was on his chest; Justin met AJ’s eyes.  “I don’t want you to say things to me if you don’t mean them.  If you’re sincerely grateful for something, give me a big ‘thank you, AJ!’ and a sloppy wet one.  If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.  I like you a lot better when you’re real with me.  Honest emotion is something I can work with.  I was trying to give you time to get over it, but this robot Justin act is not going to fly with me.”

            AJ wasn’t Kevin.  AJ didn’t want blind obedience.  Justin had trouble understanding that someone would want his real emotion.  Why would AJ care how he actually felt?

After a moment’s indecision, Justin said, “Okay.”

            “Good.”  AJ kissed him.  “Get dressed.”

            Chris parked in Kevin’s garage,  They had breakfast and talked about a lot of things that weren’t the game.  Then they had sex.

            “It’s funny.”  Kevin stroked his chin.  “Looks are deceiving.”

            Chris ran his fingers over the muscle in Kevin’s arm.  “Not in your case.”

            Kevin smiled.  “Maybe not.  But in your case…”  Kevin’s fingers curled under the string of silver beads still around Chris’s neck.  “You look like you’re about as good at sex as any other average guy our age.”

            “And yet?”  He drew his fingers up, then down the side of Kevin’s neck.  Kevin’s neck was thicker than Brian’s was.

            “You’re one of the best lovers I’ve ever had.”  Kevin’s gaze probed him.  “I didn’t expect that.”

            “It’s my secret weapon.”  It was all because of Brian.  “You’re pretty good, too.”

            “I’m serious.”  Kevin rolled across him, tipping him onto his other side.  Tucking up, wrapping an arm around him.  “You haven’t done anything extreme, you haven’t put on an exotic show, but you’re better and better every time.”

            “I like you.  I love you,” he remembered.  Putting his hand to Kevin’s hard chest, he fanned out his fingers.  “So I put forth a little effort, sometimes, to show you a good time.”

            “A little effort.”  Kevin’s gaze speculated.  “How much is a lot of effort?”

            Chris shrugged.  “Depends on which acts you’re looking for.”

            Kevin’s thumb rubbed tenderly across his lips.  “You do all of your best work for Brian.”

            Of course.

            “You learned all of your best tricks for him.”

            Of course.

            Kevin’s gaze glittered.  “Give me head.”

            Okay.  Chris began to move into position.

            A firm hand on his arm stopped him.

            He raised his eyes to meet Kevin’s gaze.

            “Make it interesting.”

Justin put on the loosest, softest sweatpants and T-shirt he had.  This was his usual outfit for the first day after being whipped, familiar to him; he no longer felt sickened just looking at these clothes, but he wasn’t all that happy to see them, either.  They were just another fact of life.  He hadn’t worn them in a long time, but somehow, slipping them on again felt inevitable.

            He’d been shocked when Kevin had said, “That’s one,” after all of this time.  But after that night, after Kevin had made him tape himself, after Kevin had transferred power to AJ, nothing was quite that shocking anymore.  Kevin was back.  That way of life had returned.  Justin had to learn to deal with it again.

            “We’ll hit Brian’s place first, then go see Howie and Nick,” AJ said, pulling on a baseball cap.  “What are you going to say to them, anyway?”

            Rubbing at his wrist, Justin looked down.  “Kevin wants me to go to all four of you.  In person.  I have to show you my tattoo, and tell you that I understand what it means, and promise to love, honor, and obey.”

            “Really.”  AJ sounded interested.  “Because you were, what’d you call it?  Rude, demanding, and stupid with Brian?”

            “Yes.  I belong to you.”  It gutted him to say that.  He didn’t belong to them, he belonged to Kevin, only to Kevin, always to Kevin.  Everything that he’d gone through had been for Kevin.  Everything that he’d lost, that he’d given up, that had been taken from him, it had all been for Kevin.  Not for AJ.  Not for Brian.  “It’s my job to do what you want when you want it, to listen and obey, and to make your lives easier.”

            “And you’re doing this while your marks are still fresh?  Did he tell you to do it today?”

            “He said that after I do it, maybe then he’ll take me back to the house.”

            “Ah.”  AJ picked up his keys.  “Then we’d better get started.”

            Howie gave head in such a specific way, Chris had to concentrate to be sure he had the details right.  Even then, he suspected that a connoisseur like Lance would be able to tell the difference.  Still, it went well, judging by the tension in Kevin’s body.

            He did it the way that Kevin had taught him, and Kevin murmured sexy things about how good it felt.  He made it very soft and gentle, the way that kept Brian dizzy and glassy-eyed; Kevin shifted restlessly, wanting more.  He did it like Nick, and Kevin groaned.  He used more hands than mouth, the way that got Brian off faster; and Kevin cursed breathlessly.  He did it like AJ, and Kevin bucked, clawing the sheets a little.  He went hands-free, something he’d learned out of necessity, and Kevin moaned, rocking across his tongue.  He slurped and hummed and drooled a lot, the way that made Brian hot, and Kevin’s fingers slid possessively through his hair.  He licked the head and talked dirty, the way that put a dangerous twinkle in Brian’s eyes, and Kevin pushed into his mouth.  He did it like Brian had taught him in Chicago.  Toronto.  Denver.  Joey’s bathroom.

            He still had a few tricks up his sleeve when Kevin finally came.  Sucking until it was over, he closed his eyes as Kevin stroked his cheeks.

            “You definitely,” breathless laugh, “know what you’re doing.”

            Licking his lips, raising his head, Chris rubbed his hand over Kevin’s stomach.  “I learned whatever I could that might make Brian happy.”

            Kevin’s thumb wiped at the corner of his mouth.  “It’s not always easy to make Brian happy.”

            Chris phrased his response carefully.  “His needs change.”

            “That’s one way of putting it.”  Kevin tugged him closer; he climbed up Kevin’s body until he found himself pulled in, rolled over, and on his back beneath Kevin’s weight.  “You know that Brian’s never going to give you what you want.”

            “He knows how much I love him.  He could still give me a chance.”

            “Anything is possible,” Kevin admitted.  “We are talking about Brian.”

            Justin was used to offering himself wholly to Kevin.  Sometimes he did it on demand; often, he did it from a compulsion, a need, from a driving urge that told him to give himself to Kevin, to devote himself to Kevin, to enslave himself to Kevin’s will.

            But he couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else.  Not to anyone else.  He hated AJ, he was afraid of Brian, and Howie and Nick, hell, he never gave a second’s thought to either one of them.

            When AJ stopped in Brian’s driveway, Justin wanted anything but to go in there and promise himself body and soul.

            He loved Kevin.  He belonged to Kevin.  Only to Kevin.  Always to Kevin.

            “You will always be mine.”  Kevin’s gaze was so hard it hurt.  “There will never be one second of one day that you are not mine.”  The edges of Kevin’s hair were damp with sweat.  Kevin had put effort into whipping him.  “If you love me, you’ll obey.”

            Swallowing, Justin got out of the car.

            AJ stayed behind.

            In the Townhouse, Brian had terrified him.  But then at his own house, Brian had been nice to him.  Supportive.  Friendly.  And Brian had been generous enough to forgive him.

            All he had to do was go inside, and show the tattoo, and say the words.  He didn’t want to expose himself like that, didn’t want to show that to anyone, but he had no right to bodily privacy.  No right to shame.  Especially not in front of Kevin.  And Backstreet was an extension of Kevin.

            He could do it.  He just had to pretend that he was talking to Kevin.  Just had to replace Brian with Kevin.

            He should’ve done it with AJ first.  Should’ve practiced on AJ.

            Brian was Kevin’s family.  Brian was Kevin’s blood.  The signs were there in the cheekbones, in the jaw, in the accent that Brian never quite lost.  He just had to remember that.  Had to see Brian as another part of Kevin, as a Kevin representative.

            He rang the doorbell.

Continue on to part seventy-three

matthew@matthewtime.com
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