Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-January 13, 2006 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part sixty-five

            They’d gone upstairs to Trevor’s bedroom and tucked up together on the bed.

            While Chris moved in closer against him, Trevor rubbed Chris’s back.

            “This is nice,” Chris said quietly.  “Things are easier when I’m with you.  Maybe I’ll just stay in here with you for a while.”

            “Okay.”  Trevor’s hand moved in slow circles over Chris’s back.  “I’d like that, too.”

            Writhing slowly on his back on the floor, Justin whimpered against his fist.  Arching, he rocked his hips in rhythm with the suction from AJ’s mouth.  Naked from the waist down, he still wore Kevin’s shirts, rucked up to expose his abs.  Chewing on his fingers, he sucked at his knuckles, crying out as AJ brought him to climax.

            Howie had a nice house.  He nodded a lot and his voice was really annoying and his jokes were kind of corny, but whatever he was cooking smelled great.

            On the way over, Brian had asked him to give Howie a fair chance.  Jacob decided to wait until dinner had begun to ask Howie about Erik.

            Howie was handling Jacob beautifully.  Brian couldn’t wait for dinner to start.  He wanted to watch Howie in action against his love.

            Howie talked smoothly with Jacob, making polite conversation, smiling in all of the right places.

            He was about to have dinner with Jacob, and he couldn’t help but wonder what Lance would think of that if he knew.  Looking at Jacob, it was hard to imagine Lance bottoming for…that.  On the other hand, he could imagine Lance fucking the self-righteous hypocritical bitch, and the idea made him smile.  Lance must have enjoyed taking out aggression on Jacob in such a…physical way.

            “Where were you?” Nick asked when Joey got out of the shower.

            “Where were you?” Joey asked, walking naked to the closet.

            “At Kevin’s house.”  Nick touched Joey’s back, ran his hand down to Joey’s ass.  Joey didn’t have to look to know that there were marks there.  He moved aside, away from Nick’s investigation.  Nick’s voice came out with an odd edge to it.  “Who were you with?”

            It wasn’t a secret.  “AJ.”  Joey waited for Nick to say something stupid, something insulting, anything.

            Nick got a completely unsettling, unhappy look on his face, and nodded.  “How’d it go with Angel?”

            Joey blinked, caught by surprise.  That was it?  Nick wasn’t going to say anything else about it?  “Good, it was good, I guilt tripped him about putting pressure on me.”  What was going on?

            “Okay,” Nick said.  His unhappy look melted away, gradually, like he was trying to get past that and into the conversation.  “That’s good.  Did you fuck him?  You two weren’t at Justin’s this whole time, were you?”

            “I was,” Joey said.  Damn it, he hadn’t anticipated this.  “AJ needed me to stay with Justin for a while, so I sent Ashley home.”

            “I don’t think I get this,” Nick said.  “Can you give me a timeline?”

            Joey’s voice came out impatient, frustrated; he didn’t want to have this conversation.  “I went to the Townhouse, I picked up Ashley, I gave him a guilt trip, we went to Justin’s house, AJ had to leave, I sent Ashley home, I hung out with Justin, AJ came back, we fucked, Brian took me to the Townhouse, I picked up my car and came here.”

            Nick frowned.  “So instead of going to the Townhouse to fuck Angel, you fucked AJ.  And then you didn’t have enough juice left to fuck Angel, so you came home.”

            “Yeah.”  He wasn’t going to mention that he’d fucked AJ with Ashley in the house.

            “Joey, why didn’t you just stay with Angel anyway?  Talk to him, spend time with him, make up for dissing him last night?  You’re supposed to play nice.”

            “I don’t want him around if I’m not fucking him, and all he wants is my dick, anyway.”

            “Are you stupid?” Nick asked.  “He’s in love with you.  He wants to be with you whether you’re up his ass at the minute or not.  What about AJ, you’re in love with him, aren’t you?  You only want to see him if you can get laid?”

            “No,” Joey said.

            “You’d like to spend time with AJ even if you’re not fucking.  Angel wants to spend time with you outside of a bed, too.  You dissed him last night and then you dissed him again today to make up for it?”

            Damn it!  “He got to see me, didn’t he?”

            “Yeah, and when AJ gives you a ride to one of his friends’ houses and makes you drive yourself home again and then stops by to pick up his car, I bet that makes you feel all warm and special inside,” Nick said.  “Damn it, I thought you were getting better at this shit.  I thought you’d learned something.”

            “I’ve learned you’re a jackass,” Joey snapped.

            “Fuck you.”  Scowling, Nick sat on the bed.  “You’re definitely going to have to screw him tomorrow.  Probably here, not at the Townhouse.  You can do it as many times as you want, but make sure that at least once it’s slow so he can pretend you’re making love.  Give him a lot of compliments, kiss him a lot, make him feel good about himself.”

            If Nick wanted to give him shit about being with AJ, he could give Nick shit right back.  “Is that what you do with JC?”

“Yeah, it is.”  Nick shot him a dirty look.  “But JC deserves it.”

            Chris’s hands burrowed under Trevor’s clothes.

            “Are you trying to tell me something?” Trevor asked, still petting him.

            “Do you like Lance?” Chris asked.

            “Yeah,” Trevor said.  “He’s Lance Bass, of course I like him.”

            Chris rubbed his thumb around Trevor’s navel.  “Do you want him?”

            “Want him?” Trevor repeated.  “I don’t think there’s a safe way for me to answer that question.”

            “You can be honest,” Chris said.  “I want to know.”

            “I want him, yeah,” Trevor said.  “He’s Lance Bass.  He’s in *NSYNC and he’s hot.  But I don’t want him as much as I want you.  I want him because…  He’s in *NSYNC and he’s hot,” he said again.  “I want you because you’re Chris and I think everything you do is sexy.”

            “I think that a lot of people want Lance more than they want me.”

            “Then I think that a lot of people are blind, stupid, and crazy,” Trevor said.

            “He’s very good in bed.”  Chris’s fingers walked across Trevor’s chest.  “He has a lot of experience.  I haven’t been with that many guys.”  He looked into Trevor’s eyes suddenly.  “You think that everything I do is sexy?”

            “Yeah,” Trevor admitted.  “I said it, I meant it.”

            “Even this?” Chris asked, pinching him.  “Even this?  What about this?”  Pinching more, he jostled the bed, making pig-calling sounds and licking Trevor’s face.

            “Oh, god, it’s so wrong that I’m turned on right now,” Trevor said helplessly, laughing.

            Chris climbed on top of him, bouncing him and the bed, flicking Trevor and snapping his fingers in Trevor’s face.  “What about this?  Now?  Now?  Am I sexy now?”

            “I have to look good for Kevin,” Justin said.  “I have to shave, too, remind me to shave.”

            “You’ll remember.”  AJ rested his head on Justin’s chest, eyes closing.

            Justin stroked AJ’s hair.  “Are you falling asleep?”

            “It’s too early for that.  I’m just resting.”

            “I think Joey wore you out.  Maybe you’re not as bad-ass as you think you are.”

            AJ grunted.

            “Maybe I should dress up.  Kevin doesn’t like me to look sloppy.  Or maybe I should dress like…what I am.  Kevin doesn’t like me to pretend to be…”  Justin didn’t want to finish that sentence.

            “You mean you’re going to dress like a rent boy because dressing like a civilized adult is unnatural for a big whore like you?” AJ asked.

            “Shut up.”

            AJ shrugged, yawning.

            “Dan wouldn’t call me that,” Justin said.  His voice softened.  “Dan didn’t understand.  He didn’t know the truth.”

            “You could have told him.  You could have showed him.”

            “I didn’t want to lose him.”

            “You lost him anyway.”

            “I didn’t lose him,” Justin snapped.  “You forced him away.  I didn’t lose him, you took him from me!”

            AJ tsked.  “Temper, temper.”

            “Fuck you.”  Justin pushed AJ off of him, sitting up on the floor, shimmying back into his pants.  “Dan loves me.  I couldn’t risk losing that.”

            “Justin, think about everything that Kevin’s done to you.  You still love him.  You don’t know the first fucking thing about what I did to Joey, but trust me, I put him through hell, and he still loves me.  If Dan really loves you, it won’t stop just because you let Kevin do shit to you.”

            “He wouldn’t understand,” Justin insisted.  “He’s too good, he wouldn’t understand it, he’d judge me, he’d hate me, I’m disgusting, I-”

            “Your friends know more than he does, and they still love you.”

            “They’ve been through it.  They understand more than he can.”

            “I guess we’ll never know how true Dan’s love really is,” AJ said.  “Unless someday he finds out all of your dirty little secrets.”

            “Dirty little secrets are a porn stash your mom doesn’t know about,” Justin said.  “What happened to me isn’t a dirty little secret.  It’s sick, it’s twisted, it’s horrifying, it’s traumatic, and it’s the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me.  A dirty little secret is something you feel guilty about.  I’m filled with so much shame, self-loathing, self-hatred, and fear that I want to rip off my own skin on a good day.  If Dan finds out who I am and what I’ve done, he will not love me.”  Shaking, Justin stared at AJ.  “Do you understand that?  He will not love me.  No one who meets me now will ever love me.  The only people who love me are people who knew me before this happened and still don’t know the complete truth of it.”

            “What if they knew the complete truth?” AJ asked.  “What would happen?”

            Justin’s mouth twisted; he looked down.  “They’d never see me the same way again.  They’d pity me, they’d be disgusted, they’d think I’m lying or crazy or sick.”

            “So you’ve kept things from them.”

            “I have to tell them some things.  I need to talk about it, I have to share.  But I don’t tell them all of it.  I can’t tell them everything.”

            “You’re afraid to lose them, too.”

            Justin’s fingers twitched.  “I’ve already lost myself.  I can’t lose anyone else.”

            Jacob brought it up before they’d even finished their salads.  “You must be seeing a lot of Erik these days.”

            “I am,” Howie agreed.  “He had dinner with me last night, he was here this afternoon - - he helped me with some shopping yesterday.”

            “Shopping?” Jacob asked.  “Then that must be where he got that bracelet.  Did you buy it for him?”

            “Me?” Howie asked, surprised.  “He got - - it’s from that store downtown, the one over by the restaurant Nick told us about,” he told Brian.

            “Oh, I couldn’t go in there,” Brian said.  “Too much bling, even for me.”

            “I went in to find some things for JC,” Howie explained, turning back to Jacob.  “Erik-Michael came along to help me decide what to buy.”

            “You don’t know what JC likes?” Jacob asked.

            “I appreciated the support,” Howie said.  “Having Erik-Michael there gave me a boost in confidence.”

            “Don’t be fooled,” Brian said.  “Howie is a confident man.”

            “You’re taking your new friend to buy gifts for your ex?” Jacob asked.

            “Erik-Michael’s not new, exactly,” Howie said.  “And I don’t want JC to be my ex.  He and I are going through a rough patch, but that will end soon.  The trick is for - - you don’t want to hear all of my plans.”

            “I’d like to hear how Erik fits into them,” Jacob said.

            “Erik-Michael has been a great friend,” Howie said.  “To me and to JC.  He’s been supportive through this whole mess.  He’s pushed us to reunite.  Right now, while I’m working on making that happen, he’s helped me through every step of it.”

            “There’s been some speculation that you’ve…”  Brian hesitated.  “That you…”

            “That Erik’s fucking you,” Jacob said.

            “I wouldn’t have said it like that,” Brian said.

            “Erik’s a good friend,” Howie said.  “But he’s not JC.  No one’s JC.”

            “I think that some of us are surprised,” Brian said.  “That you’d try to get JC back.”

            Howie laughed.  “Then you must never have met him, or looked at him.”

            Jacob’s expression was suspicious but willing to listen.

            “JC is an incredibly beautiful man, inside and out.”  Howie’s smile softened, his eyes misting over with memories and dreams.  “It was hard to believe that he was real, or that he was mine.  He seemed like the perfect match for me, like we were made for each other.  I knew that I had to be with him.  And I’m still determined to have him.  I could never let JC go.”  Catching himself, he slipped from his reverie with a smile.  “Besides, I assumed that you’d know this, but Erik-Michael’s straight.  It doesn’t make sense - - I’m working hard to get JC back.  Trying to seduce our straight friend on the side wouldn’t make JC want to come back to me.  And considering how news travels around here, it isn’t like I could hide it from him.”

            “Gossip does travel fast,” Brian said.  “I just don’t understand why it’s always so negative and so distorted.”

            “Scandal is more interesting than the truth,” Howie said.  “I’ve already heard that I’m seducing Erik-Michael, that JC’s seducing Erik-Michael, that Erik-Michael broke us up and is playing us against each other while he decides which one of us he wants to keep - - I guess all of that has more zest than the idea that he’s helping me get JC back.”

            “What’s he doing to help you get JC back?” Jacob asked.

            “He’s been supportive,” Howie said.  “I have some plots and plans for how to get JC back, and Erik-Michael’s helped me to plan.  I sent some flowers and things over to JC this morning, and Erik-Michael delivered them for me.”

            Jacob frowned.  “Why didn’t you do it yourself?”

            “It’s the first step,” Howie said.  “I’d explain the rest of the steps, but they’re still secret right now.”

            “You’ll get him back,” Brian said.  “He’s in love with you, we can all see it.  It’s all over his face when he looks at you.”

            “If you’re so perfect for each other, why’d you break up?” Jacob asked.

            “That might be private,” Brian said, hesitantly.

            “I don’t mind,” Howie said.  “Something came up that took me by surprise.  There’s a certain…trust issue.”

            “Trust issues,” Jacob repeated.

            “Someone from my past…came back to haunt me,” Howie said.  “I didn’t realize that JC would be threatened by someone I’d been with before him.”  He took a sip of water, then met Jacob’s eyes.  “I should have known that anyone I’ve shared something with, no matter what that was, could be seen as a threat to what we’ve created together.  I’ve learned that I’m going to have to be very careful to make sure that JC knows his place in my life, and that nothing else and no one else can ever touch that.”

            Jacob looked like he’d been smacked by a two-by-four.

            Brian smiled.

            This close, Trevor could see where Chris’s stubble was growing back in.  He rubbed it with the pad of his thumb.  “Are you okay?”  He touched his thumb to Chris’s lower lip.  He wanted to kiss Chris.  He wanted to make love.  He stroked the hair on Chris’s chin.

            “I had a weird morning.  Before I got here.  Something happened.”

            Trevor gazed at Chris’s downcast eyes.  “You can tell me.”

            “Maybe someday.”  Chris shifted against him, gazing back at him, hand stroking his neck, caressing up into his hair.  “I’m glad that I’m staying here with you tonight.  I like being with you and I like sleeping with you.  You’re good to sleep with.  And you make going to sleep and waking up nicer.”

            “I like sleeping with you, too.  I missed it, when we weren’t together.”

            “I missed a lot of things about you.”

            He’d missed a lot of things about Chris.  He’d missed everything about Chris.

            The fingers in his hair gently rubbed his scalp.

            He kissed Chris, softly, slowly, only deepening the kiss when Chris’s lips parted for him.

            After dinner, Brian excused himself to visit the bathroom.  Alone with Howie, Jacob tried to decide if he bought this whole “just friends” thing that Howie claimed to have going with Erik.

            Howie practically confirming that Lance was a threat to what Jacob shared with Brian had been a nasty blow.  If that was the kind of thing that Howie was dealing with, maybe he did need support, even from Erik.

            “Do you really think that what you do in the past can cause damage?” Jacob asked.  “If the person you’re with, if the two of you really have something solid, can what you did before you met him, can that really ruin it?”

            Howie gave him a careful look.  “What do you mean?”

            “Nothing,” Jacob said quickly.  “Nothing, it’s not - - it’s just, after you’ve been with one person and broken up, now you have a past.  And the more people you’re with, the more likely it is that something you did before can come back to haunt you.  It just makes sense that guys who’ve been around some might have - - I’m not asking about your past,” he explained.  “I’m just asking for your opinion.  If you really love someone and he really loves you, can someone else threaten that if you were with him before you hooked up with the person you’re with now?”

            “Assuming that I understood what all of that was supposed to mean…”  Howie gave him a brief smile.  “The real proof of a relationship is trust.  If your relationship isn’t strong enough, if the love isn’t there and the trust isn’t there, anything can threaten it.  But if you’re really in love with someone and you have a strong connection, there isn’t a challenge you can’t get past.”

            “Then it would have to be someone special,” Jacob said.

            “It depends more on the person you’re with now than the person who’s coming back to haunt you,” Howie said.  “The right person, who really knows you and really understands you, will accept anything from your past as over and dead and not a problem.  The wrong person will treat any news as bad news.  To him - - or her,” Howie added, “an ex-lover saying that you cheated is the same as an ex-lover saying that you borrowed five bucks and forgot to pay it back.  But a strong bond doesn’t just happen.  It’s something that you have to work for and sometimes even fight for.”

            He’d needed to have this conversation with someone.  He’d needed to talk about the potential consequences of his actions.  What he was involved in, what he’d put at risk - - Brian was on the line.  Lance had sucked him into that sick game, had convinced him that he’d win Brian over, when really all he’d done was put everything in jeopardy.

            But Brian knew him.  Brian understood him.  Brian would see his mistake for what it was, Lance’s sick con, and forgive him.

“You and Brian seem to get along great.”  Howie leaned casually against the kitchen counter, wiping his hands on a dishtowel.  “He can’t finish a sentence anymore without putting your name in it.”

            It was hard not to get happy from that confirmation of his place in Brian’s life.  It was also hard not to tense up protectively around their relationship.  There was a lot about their friendship that he wanted to keep private, just between them.  “He’s a great guy.”

            Something more suspicion than curiosity flitted through Howie’s eyes, or had Jacob imagined it?    “You seem to spend a lot of time together.”

It wasn’t an accusation, so he couldn’t afford to get defensive.  “We’ve been writing.  And we have a lot to talk about.”

            Howie smiled.  “JC and I always have a lot to talk about.  Most of the time it’s not even anything really important, it’s just…conversation.  It’s great, to find someone you can spend time with.  With a lot of people, I find myself checking my watch, seeing how long it’s been, can I get away yet.”

            God, Jacob did that all of the time.  “It’s getting harder and harder to connect with anyone.  People I connect with musically don’t understand other sides to me, and people I connect with spiritually don’t understand the music.  Brian gets all of it, right away.”

            “Brian’s special,” Howie said.  “There’s a lot more to him, under the surface, that a lot of people don’t see.”

            “Jacob knows how deep and mysterious I am,” Brian said, coming back into the kitchen and wrapping an arm around Jacob’s shoulders.  “He knows all of my dark secrets.”

            “You have dark secrets?” Jacob asked, like he didn’t believe it.

            Brian smiled at him.  “Not from you.”

            Jacob smiled back, because he loved Brian’s smile.  But Brian did have secrets.  Secrets about Lance, about what their “friendship” really was.

            When would Brian confess?  When would Brian trust him enough to tell him?

            Joey listened to Nick move through the other rooms in the house.

            Did Nick have legitimate complaints about how he’d handled Ashley?

            Or was Nick taking shit out on him because he’d fucked AJ?

            Was he imagining things, or had Nick reacted strangely to the news that he’d been with AJ?

            Had he gotten too comfortable with the idea of Nick as his boyfriend?  They’d slipped into those roles almost…naturally.  They had a lot in common, and when they rubbed each other the wrong way, well…  That just kept things interesting.  Infuriating, frustrating, maddening, but still, interesting.

            At least Nick hadn’t made the mistake of telling him to back off of AJ.

            But Nick didn’t care who the hell he had sex with.  Nick wasn’t jealous of AJ.  Nick didn’t give a damn who he crawled into bed with.

            “Here,” Nick said, walking in and sitting beside him on the sofa, handing him the phone.  “Call Angel, tell him you’ll come over again tomorrow.  Tell him you want to spend the afternoon being good to him.  Tell him how much you miss that cute little ass and that pretty smile.”

            Joey sighed.  Hell.  He didn’t want to, but Nick was right; he’d screwed up earlier.  Nick was still better at this than he was.  He dialed.

            “Townhouse, Dan speaking.”

            Dan was not who he wanted to talk to.  He’d been given two - - two! - - incredible chances with AJ in one day, and both times, he’d failed to do what Dan did without thought or effort.  “Can I talk to Ashley?”

            “Hold on.”

            Nick leaned into him, head by his shoulder, casually eavesdropping.  Nick’s hand rested on his thigh.  He pushed it off.  Nick put it back.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey, pretty,” Joey said in his warm, smooth-talking voice.  “I was just thinking about you.  I hate that we didn’t have enough time together today.”

            “You had things to take care of,” Ashley said, quick to forgive and understand since he sounded apologetic.

            “I’d love to pick you up tomorrow and bring you home with me.  Then we can spend time together here, just the two of us.  No interruptions.”

            Nick grinned at him.

            “That sounds great,” Ashley said.  “I’d like that.”

            “We can talk, we can have lunch…  Maybe we could even do other fun things.”

            “I like to do fun things,” Ashley admitted.

            “I know you do, pretty.  And you look so good doing them.  I love that pretty smile.”  Joey lowered his voice.  “I love that pretty ass.”

            “I love your ass, too,” Ashley said.  Joey knew that he was smiling, that he was blushing.

            “Pretty, you love my dick,” Joey said.  “I can’t wait to give it to you.”

            Shy, confessional, “I can’t wait, either.”

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Joey said.  “Dress pretty for me.”  Nick elbowed him and mouthed something.  Joey rolled his eyes.  “I love you, pretty.”

            “I love you,” Ashley immediately said.

            “Bye.”

            “Bye, Joey.”

            Joey hung up.

            Nick took the phone from him with a kiss.  “Good work.”

            Joey regarded him.  “What are you going to do tomorrow while I’m fucking Ashley?”

            Nick shrugged.  “I’ll find something to do.”

            Brian snuck in a second to text Lance: Call me.  Then he said good-bye to Howie, and Jacob said good-bye, and Brian hugged Howie and left.  As he and Jacob got in the car, his phone rang.

            “Hello,” he said, backing down the driveway.

            “Hi,” Lance said.  “What’s up?”

            “Oh, nothing much.  I’m just leaving Howie’s.”

            “Howie’s?” Lance repeated.

            “I took Jacob there for dinner.  I’m dragging him around to see all of my friends, and tonight was Howie’s turn.  I think tomorrow we’re going to see Kevin.”

            “You took Jacob to see Howie?” Lance repeated.  “You took that mangy little shit to Howie’s house?”

            “Yeah, we had a good time.”  Brian smiled at Jacob, then made a right turn.  “They got along pretty well.”

“Forcing anyone to spend time with that mangy motherfucker is cruel and unusual punishment,” Lance snapped.  “I can’t believe you took him into Howie’s house and put him at Howie’s dinner table.”

            “What’re you doing tonight?” Brian asked.

            “Besides murdering Jacob?” Lance asked.  “Estrada wasn’t there, was he?”

            “Oh, I don’t have the nerve to try that,” Brian said.  “That’s a good idea, though.  I’ll think about it.  Maybe next time.”

            “I still can’t believe you took that mangy little shit to dinner at Howie’s house.  That’s sickening.”

            “We do have…unexpected things in common.”

            Lance groaned.  “Yeah, like me.  God, I wish I could tell Jacob that.  I’d love to see the look on his face.”

            “It would be a surprise,” Brian admitted.  “I have to go.  Call me later?”

            “Okay,” Lance said.  “Don’t ever do that again.  Bye.”

            “Bye.”  Brian hung up, then dialed.

            “Hello,” Howie said.

            “Hey, JB just called.  I said something to him about - - anyway, he’s probably going to contact you about it.”

            A brief pause.  “Really,” Howie said.

            “All right, well, good luck with that,” Brian said.  “I’ll talk to you later.”  He hung up, tucking away his phone.  “Enough business for tonight,” he told Jacob with a smile.  “Now it’s just you and me.”  His smile widened.  “The way it should be.”

            Erik called JC.

            No answer.

            The “eh eh eh eh” coming from Trevor’s room was not what he wanted to hear, so he went downstairs.  Ashley was down there, curled up at one end of the sofa, watching TV.

            “What’s going on?” Erik asked, sitting beside his feet.

            “Not much.  Trevor still…”

            “Yeah.  Jacob back yet?”

            “No.  Where’s Dan?”

            “In the practice room,” Erik said.  “Last time I saw him, he was practicing choreography and reciting poetry to himself at the same time.  I think he’s advanced to a higher state of Dan-ness.”

            “He has no limits,” Ashley said.

            “He should be more like us,” Erik said.

            Ashley glanced at him, amused.  “Lazy?”

            “Relaxed,” Erik corrected, swatting his ass.  “Oh, wait, sorry,” he said, realizing his mistake.  “I didn’t mean to damage Joey’s property like that.  Is it okay?”

            “Shut up,” Ashley said, laughing, kicking at him.  “My butt belongs to me.”

            “Ah, I see,” Erik said.  “It’s your heart that belongs to Joey.”

            Ashley smiled at him.  “Exactly.”

            Ugh.  “That’s just sick.”

            “You could learn to be more romantic,” Ashley said.  “Women like it.”

            “Women like me just fine,” Erik said.  “Just fine.”  He heard noise by the front door; Jacob and Brian walked into the room.  “Hi.”

            “Hey,” Ashley said, sitting up.  “How was dinner?”

            “Not bad,” Jacob said.  “Howie’s pretty…nice.”

            “Howie?” Erik repeated.  What?

            “We had dinner at Howie’s house,” Jacob said.

            “He speaks highly of you,” Brian added with a smile.  “How did JC like the flowers?”

            “He loved them,” Erik said, trying to keep up.  “You had dinner at Howie’s house?”  That was just plain freakin’ weird.

            “Yeah,” Jacob said.

            “Sounds like you’re getting to know all of the Boys,” Ashley said, being friendly.

            “It’s been interesting,” Jacob said.

            Erik tried to imagine Jacob at Howie’s table.  It was like bringing his two worlds together in the scariest way.  He hoped that Jacob had behaved himself and not said something stupid.

            He wondered if he should call and apologize, just in case.  He could just imagine how that would sound.  “Yeah, I’m just calling to apologize on Jacob’s behalf.  Most of what he says about you guys sounds bad, but what he really means by ‘materialistic untalented greedy self-serving self-centered music-killing pop-whoring hacks’ is…”

            AJ didn’t feel like staying on the living room floor, so he got up and moved to the sofa.  Justin came with him, their bodies twining comfortably around each other.  Letting his eyes drift shut, AJ turned his thoughts to Joey, to sex, to the meeting, to Howie and Erik.  Howie was pretty damned good.

            A light touch at his lashes got AJ’s attention.  He opened his eyes gradually, wary of being poked in the eye.

            Justin carefully stroked the fringe of his lashes, gazing into his eyes.  “His eyelashes are so long.”

            AJ held still, waiting for more, wondering where this was going.  It was hard not to blink.

            “So thick.”  Justin’s voice was a lonely, loving whisper.

            And exactly who was Justin talking about?  There was something different in Justin’s tone.  Something that didn’t sound like Kevin.

            “When he looks at me…”

            People didn’t often pet his eyelashes.  Joey had, of course.  Maybe AJ should have expected it from Justin, considering Justin’s tendency towards obsessive behavior.

            “…he makes me feel…”

            Justin’s touch was very gentle, very careful.

            “…real.”

            AJ was tempted to break in with a smart-assed comment, but he kept quiet, wondering what else Justin might say if uninterrupted.

            “He makes me want to feel good about myself again.  He makes me want to smile.  He makes me remember what I used to be like.”  Conflict showed in Justin’s eyes.  “He makes me think about who I can become.”

            Second chances.  Possibilities.  Hope.  AJ wondered how powerful those forces could be, what they might lead Justin to do.

            Justin withdrew his hand, falling silent.

            “What were you crying about earlier?” AJ asked.  “Upstairs, in the closet, with Joey.”

            Pulling away from him, putting distance between them on the sofa, Justin said, “Dan.”

            Only weeks ago, AJ would have said that nothing could ever come close to threatening Kevin’s stranglehold on Justin’s psyche.  Now, he wasn’t as sure.

            If one little white knight could have this much of an effect on Justin, what else could influence him?

            Who else might Justin be susceptible to?

            “I hate you,” Justin said.  His voice was quiet but his gaze was intense.  “I hate you for what you’ve done to me and I hate you for what you’ve done to Dan and I hate you for taking him away from me.  But I don’t have the power to do anything about that.  I don’t have any control over anything anymore.  I can’t even kick you out of my house.”

            “Go ahead,” AJ said.  “Hate me.  It works for me.  But don’t pretend that you don’t have power.  You have power, you just won’t use it.  You could have control, if you wanted it, but you don’t.  You gave it up to Kevin.  That was your decision, your decision that you made.”

            “He took it from me!” Justin protested.  “He took my power, he took my control, he took everything!  My pride, my dignity, my-”

            “Oh, poor little Justin,” AJ snapped.  “Get over it.  Kevin acted all butch and rude and in-your-face, and you got a hard-on for it, and you rolled over and took everything he dished out.  But you don’t want anyone to know what a freaky little bitch you really are, so you invented this whole ‘it’s his fault!’ routine to get your friends off your back.  Did Kevin hold a gun to your head when he trained you to be his little bitch?  Did he knock you unconscious and then take off your clothes?  Or were you awake, aware, and willing for every second of it?”

            “You fucking-”

            “You’re not a victim, Justin, you’re a participant.  How many times were you the one setting up the video camera?  How many times were you the one offering your hands to be cuffed?  How many times were you the one choosing the whip?”

            When Justin lunged at him, screaming, cursing, AJ grabbed Justin’s wrists, kicking and kneeing and rolling them down to the floor, pinning Justin there, holding Justin down by force.

            “Fuck you!” Justin shouted, struggling.  He was strong but he’d also been trained to submit, even to AJ; AJ controlled him through sheer will to dominate.

            “You,” AJ snarled, “are not a victim.  You give in because you want to.  You give in because you like to.  You give in because being under a stronger man’s rule gets you hot.  Kevin’s just the first man who gave you what you wanted.”

            “Bullshit!”  Justin was furious, refusing to believe.  “Bullshit, this is bullshit, that’s not true, I’m not like that!”

            “You love Kevin because he recognized you for what you really are, and he fulfilled all of your desperate little needs.  He ruled you and you can’t get enough.  Now you know what really gets you off, and you get all hot and bothered and weak and stupid over anyone who has that ability to dominate you.  That’s why you can’t say no to me.  That’s why you can’t get over Dan.  Because we’re stronger than you are, Justin.  We can break you and you love it.”

            “No,” Justin insisted with angry desperation.  “No!  I’m not like that, that’s not me, I don’t-”

            “You want me right now, don’t you?” AJ whispered, lowering his body closer to Justin’s.  “You know what I can make your body do, and you crave it.”

            “I hate you,” Justin said, glaring up at him.  “I hate you, I hate you!”

            AJ smiled.  “Works for me,” he said, and kissed Justin.

            “You seemed to get along with Howie,” Brian said, sitting on the center of the bed.

            “He’s a nice guy,” Jacob admitted, sitting down with Brian.  “I don’t know how fantastic JC really is, but Howie’s really in love with him.  It was good to hear someone that open and that real about loving somebody.”

            “Love is special,” Brian said, and the deep emotion in his eyes made Jacob’s soul expand.  “True love,” Brian stroked Jacob’s hairline, “is rare and sacred.  Howie would never take that lightly.”

            “Neither would I.”  Tonight, Jacob had to do something tonight.  No matter how small it was, he had to take some step.  Brian touched him all of the time; it was his turn now.  He wanted Brian to get used to his touch, to be familiar with shared physical expressions of love.  Then, when he upped the stakes later, it would come as less of a shock and more as a natural extension of their existing affection.

            He couldn’t kiss Brian, not yet.  It was too soon.  Maybe he could touch Brian’s face.  The face was a particularly direct, personal place, a caress there would be more intimate than a touch on the arm.

            “What are you thinking?”  Brian’s expression was pleasantly puzzled.  “You’re staring at me.  Do I have food on my face?”

            “No.”  He could say anything to Brian; Brian said personal things to him all of the time.  “I was just thinking about,” he raised one hand and let his fingertips trace the line of Brian’s cheekbone, “how beautiful you are.”

            “Me?”  Brian smiled, making Jacob’s heartbeat trip over itself.  “You’re the most beautiful one in any room.”

            Jacob laughed, dropping his hand.  He loved how Brian made him feel, loved the anticipation and nervousness and excitement, loved the warmth and love and affection, loved the laughter and amusement and how Brian never let a moment be strange or awkward.  “That’s just crazy.”

            “I can’t believe that you don’t see how beautiful you are,” Brian said, caressing his cheeks, one after the other.  “But that’s just like you.”  Brian’s smile was loving, proud, giving.  “You never see your own true brilliance.”

            “You’re so - - no one says things like that,” Jacob said, almost laughing, wanting to kiss him.  “And how can you say that to me?”  He dared to cup Brian’s face in his hands, loving the strength of Brian’s jaw.  “You look like this.”

            “I look like what?” Brian asked, smiling, cupping his face in return.  “You’re a beautiful man.”  Brian leaned in closer, guiding him closer, too, until their foreheads touched.  “My nostrils are huge and my eyes are tiny and look at your mouth, I don’t have a pretty, sexy mouth like that.”

            “You think my mouth is sexy?”  Jacob didn’t know whether to laugh or be aroused, so he settled for both.  Only Brian would admit something like that without acting like it was unusual.  Brian’s fingers stroked his face, so he stroked Brian’s, too, loving the softness of skin and the hardness of bone.

            “You have a very sexy mouth,” Brian said.  “You have a very sexy lot of things.”  One of Brian’s hands dropped down and pinched his side; he jerked at the unexpected sensation, and Brian giggled at him, sitting back.  “If I had a girlfriend, I’d never let her near you.”

            “You don’t trust me?” Jacob asked, surprised.  He couldn’t believe the moment they’d just had, the intimacies he’d just stolen.  Being so close to Brian, touching, stroking, practically flirting.  He couldn’t believe how far Brian’s limits were.

            Brian laughed.  “I’d trust you with anything.  I wouldn’t trust her.  You’re very hard to resist.”

            Jacob smiled at him.  “You seem to be resisting just fine.”

            JC rode in steady rhythm, hips rolling fluidly, muscles rippling as he undulated.  Dropping his head back, letting his hair fall away from his face, he braced himself on one hand, pumping his dick with the other.  “Harder, harder,” he panted, rocking like he wanted it.  On the next thrust, he groaned, bucking, jacking himself faster.  “Oh, yeah, that’s it, that’s it, fuck me.”

            “God, fuck it…  I’m going to come,” the guy moaned, rubbing JC’s thighs.

            Amateur.  Fine.  “Yeah, come on,” JC said, rocking faster, picking up a tighter rhythm.  Cupping his balls closer to his body, he leaned back further to give the guy a good look at the sight of his dick disappearing into JC’s ass.  “Come on, come for me, do it.”

            Groaning helplessly, the guy came, gripping JC’s thighs too tightly.

            Jackoff.  JC smiled generously, easing his rhythm into stillness, fixing his hair with one graceful hand while he raised himself off of the guy’s dick.  It had never gotten big enough, anyway.

            “That was hot,” the guy said with enthusiasm, his eyes wide with amazement.  Sitting up, discarding the condom, he pulled JC closer, his hands greedy.

            Granting him a kiss, JC settled neatly onto his lap, then leaned back, guiding the guy’s head to his chest.  While the guy licked at his nipples, he arched and moaned, stroking the guy’s hair and thinking about Nick.

            “You have such a hot dick,” the guy said, jacking it, pulling slowly.  “I’d love to get fucked by a dick like this.”

            “I know,” JC said.  “But I want you to suck it for me.  I want to get off in your mouth.”

            “Hell, yeah,” and the guy went down on him.

            JC usually had sex with people he liked, people he truly wanted.  Before the game, he’d never really had sex with someone he had no respect for.

            He kind of liked it.

            After cleaning up the kitchen, Howie made himself presentable as he waited for the inevitable.

            The doorbell rang.

            Bare feet, jeans, casual T-shirt.  Hair just right.  Howie smiled, opening the door.  “Lance?  I didn’t expect to see you.”

            “I heard you had company for dinner.”  There was tension in Lance.  An urge to deny the colliding of worlds fought a need to repossess what his enemy had visited.  The idea that Jacob had access to Howie that Lance didn’t, was unacceptable.

“Brian and Jacob were here,” he said, stepping back to grant Lance entrance.  “They left not that long ago.  Brian can tell you what happened.”

            “I’d like to hear it from you.”  Lance radiated tension and hostility, but underneath Howie could feel Lance’s almost aggressive need to be with him, to give in to him, to love him and fuck the consequences.  Lance’s love for him wanted to overcome all other factors, but Lance was too afraid to give in.  Lance was afraid to be strong.  Afraid to be weak.

            “It was almost easier than I expected,” Howie admitted.  He knew what Lance wanted; he led the way to the dining room.  “I didn’t give him anything to pick me apart with.  I told him how much I love JC, I told him how solid a platonic friend Erik is, I gave him parallels to draw on between my problems and his.  I smiled a lot.”

            “You always smile a lot.”  Lance looked at the table.  “You sat here?”

            Howie nodded.  “Brian sat there, Jacob sat there.”  He watched Lance visualize it.  “We had pasta.  When we weren’t talking about JC and Erik, we talked about music.  He has some ridiculous ideas, but I smiled and nodded and acted encouraging.”

            Lance turned and met his eyes.  “Is anyone else coming over tonight?”

            “I don’t have definite plans yet.”  Howie wasn’t ready to give in yet.  “He doesn’t seem like he’d be very submissive in bed.”

            “He’s not,” Lance said.  “He’s pushy, aggressive, and bitchy.  He’s controlling and he won’t take direction.  He fought me every step of the way.”

            Lance’s inner struggle over how to approach Howie and Lance’s increasing conflict with Jacob sent anger, frustration, and suppressed pain issuing from him in near-tangible waves.  He had a lot invested in Howie and in Jacob, and those two realms of his life had just connected without sufficient warning.  He didn’t know what to do; what he wanted to do, he was censoring himself from doing, for fear of Howie’s reaction.  As Lance saw it, he couldn’t afford to reach out to Howie, in case he was rejected.

            Howie decided to be nice to Lance.  Lance’s stress level had been hovering right below critical mass for some time.  While watching Lance absolutely lose it might be entertaining, it also might not be ideal at this moment in the game.  Someone had to release some of Lance’s internal pressure, and Howie was uniquely suited to do it.

            “I can’t imagine anyone fighting you.”  Howie smiled, briefly meeting Lance’s gaze as he walked around the table.  “Even if he is devoted to Brian, I can’t believe he hasn’t noticed your…appeal.”

            Surprise and suspicion crossed Lance’s face.  “My appeal,” he repeated, almost dryly.

            “You know exactly what you’re doing when it comes to…sex,” Howie said, around the table now, reaching Lance’s other side.

            “It’s not that hard to figure out.”  Lance didn’t step closer or step back.  He didn’t appear capable of looking away.

            Howie smiled.  “You’d be surprised.”  His fingers trailed idly over the tabletop.  He gazed right into Lance’s eyes.  “We’ve had to teach Erik a lot.  He doesn’t have any experience with men.  He didn’t even know what a prostate was.”

            Disgust crawled into Lance’s expression.

            “Experience isn’t everything,” Howie admitted.  “There’s always something to be said for natural talent.”

            “Erik can’t have any of that, either.”

            Another smile.  “You always had a lot of it.  I could feel it, your natural talent, your natural passion.  It wasn’t all about pulling the right combination of moves with you, not back then.  It was about energy and drive and raw sex.”  He tipped his head to one side, regarding Lance.  “Erik is still learning the moves.  You mastered them years ago.”

            “You make it sound like I’ve been fucking three guys a day for ten years,” Lance said.  He was holding back, testing himself, testing Howie.  “I learned all of my best moves from fucking you.”

            Howie smiled.  Lance had said ‘fucking you’ deliberately, to provoke him.  As if he could be shocked.  “I’m glad that I inspired you.”

            “You inspired a lot.”  Lance didn’t want to meet Howie’s eyes anymore but couldn’t look away entirely, so he dropped his gaze to Howie’s chest.

            “You didn’t come here to talk about Erik,” Howie said.

            “No, I didn’t.”  Lance’s posture straightened; he met Howie’s eyes again.  “I came here to talk about Jacob.”

            “Good luck with him.”  Bending one knee slightly, Howie let his thigh graze Lance’s.  Lance would never mistake that sign.  There, already, Lance’s lips were parting, Lance’s posture shifting.  “He’s horrible.”

            “I’ve never had worse.”  Lance leaned in closer, watching his eyes.

            Howie watched right back, putting his hand on Lance’s hip.

            Lance licked his lips.  His voice was low.  “Ask me for it.”

            Lance knew him better than that.  “Ask you for what?”

            “You want it,” Lance said.  He spoke softly, his voice intense, his eyes loving and needing and proud and angry.  “Damn you, I know you want it.”

            Howie smiled.  “Prove it.”

Continue on to part sixty-seven

matthew@matthewtime.com
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