Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-January 6, 2006 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Continued from part sixty-four
The
sound made Lance want to claw at his own skin. It was like nails on a
chalkboard. It was enough to make him want to cover his ears and scream. Was
there a sound on Earth as hideous as that damned guitar?
“What the hell is he playing?” he finally demanded. Or, rather, he
politely, casually asked, “What’s Jacob playing?”
“It’s something he’s been working on,” Trevor said, setting down a card.
“Brian’s helping him with it,” Chris said, picking up two.
Didn’t Brian have more talent than this? “It sounds pretty good.”
“Why don’t you and I ever write together?” Trevor asked Chris.
“Me?” Chris asked. “I don’t write songs.”
“Yes, you do,” Trevor said.
“Oh.” Chris shrugged, rearranging the cards in his hand. “Do you?”
“Yes,” Trevor said.
“Oh. But what if we wrote a kick-ass song together? Who’d get to keep it? Who’d get to record it? What if we got famous off of your song and you got mad and sued us?”
“You’re already famous,” Trevor said. “I wouldn’t sue you. I’d just make sure I got paid.”
“I don’t pay people I have sex with,” Chris said. “Well, sometimes I do.”
Trevor laughed. “You’ve never had to pay for sex.”
“Lance doesn’t have to pay for it,” Chris
said. “Lance gets as much of it as he wants for free.”
Lance almost winced as the impact of Chris’s words hit him. He
wanted to reassure Chris, but he didn’t know what he could say in front of
Trevor that would mean anything. He almost couldn’t believe it: Brian, making
Chris pay for sex? It was cruel. Almost too cruel to be true.
“Joey pays for sex sometimes,” Chris said.
Trevor blinked; his eyes widened. “Are you
serious?”
“Sure,” Chris said. “If he wants to have a good time or liven up a
party. He rented a nice young woman for me as a birthday gift one year. She
was very…bendy.”
“You had sex with a prostitute?” Trevor asked, scandalized, lowering his voice on the last word.
“Joey probably doesn’t want you to tell people about that,” Lance said. Actually, Joey wouldn’t mind, but if Trevor passed along the information, it might distress poor little Ashley.
“She wasn’t a prostitute,” Chris said. “She was a call girl.”
Trevor was still shocked. “What’s the difference?”
Lance snorted. “A thousand dollars an hour.”
“Don’t
judge,” Chris told him. “I didn’t see you turn down your gift that year.”
Lance smiled, remembering. “He came back the next night for free.”
“I know he’s better off away from this whole situation,” Justin said.
“That’s right,” Joey said, taking advantage of this pause to adjust his grip.
Justin was red-faced, sweating. “I know I’ll get in trouble.”
“A hell of a lot of it,” Joey agreed.
“I know I can’t talk to him under any circumstances.”
“Exactly.” Joey didn’t relax his hold.
“But can’t I call him just one time?” Justin asked, his eyes wide, his voice pleading.
“No,” Joey said.
“Damn it, Joey, just give me the phone!”
“No,” Joey said, and the fight was back on.
“That was a good meeting,” Howie said, following JC into the house.
“How do all of you do that?” JC asked, leading the way to the living room.
“What do you - - oh, I didn’t even… It’s exactly the way I wanted it to look,” Howie said, staring in pleased wonder at the flowers filling the room.
“They’re just gorgeous,” JC said.
“Not as gorgeous as you are,” Howie told him with a wink. “It smells great in here.”
“Not as great as you smell,” JC said, sitting beside him on the couch.
Howie laughed, and JC wanted him. It was familiar, sitting here like this with Howie. JC moved closer, and Howie submitted to his kisses, kissing back softly, stroking his face. This was what he’d needed all of these days that they’d been apart; this was the touch his body had demanded all during that damned videotape. Howie’s nearness, Howie’s heat, Howie’s-
“JC,” Howie whispered, and fire rushed JC’s blood. His name, yes, Howie’d been saying his name every two seconds to Erik, and it-
“JC,” Howie repeated with a soft laugh, gently pushing him back. “You know we can’t do this.”
“Just once,” JC said. “He’ll never know.”
“Do you think that I could have put on that show last night if I didn’t need you like this?” Howie asked, his touch skimming JC’s chin. “I need you, JC, and he can feel it. There’s an urgency, even a desperation to it, and he knows it. That’s why he’s working so hard to bring us back together, because he knows that we need to be together.” Howie’s gaze made JC feel desired. “It also makes him more likely to give in to us, sexually, because he knows how much we need it.”
“I hate this,” JC said. “I hate working together without being together. It’s so frustrating, not being with you, and it’s stupid, all of this back-and-forth, catching each other up, having to go over everything and explain it.”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking,” Howie said, with a quick shimmer in his eyes. “What would you say to the idea of us taping things for each other?”
“Taping…Erik?” JC asked.
“Our conversations with him, our moments with him, our…time with him,” Howie said. “It doesn’t have to be for meetings with the guys, it can be just for you and me. So we can see for ourselves how things are going. These progress reports just aren’t enough anymore, especially with how everything might be changing soon.”
“I wouldn’t even know how.” Tape everything? Even sex? It wasn’t like he was ashamed for Howie to see him with Erik, since Howie’d seen that a dozen times, but… Yes, he was ashamed. He didn’t want video out there of Erik fucking him! What if it were stolen? What if someone else saw it? Even if only Howie saw it, JC was still uncomfortable with the concept.
“The trick is putting the camera somewhere that it won’t be seen, that still gets a good shot,” Howie said. “And finding a way to turn it on without being noticed.”
“I don’t have the equipment for it.”
“I’m sure that you could buy some,” Howie said with a brief smile.
Okay, that had been a stupid excuse. Still, “I don’t know.”
“Are you worried about Erik finding out?” Howie
asked. Empathy entered his expression. “Or are you worried about someone else
seeing it?”
“How many private videos have been exposed to the world?” JC asked.
“It’s not safe. It’s a terrible idea.”
“We’ll be careful. I’d never expose myself or you to that kind of public shame.”
JC still wasn’t comfortable. “I just don’t
know if I can do it.”
“Why don’t we try?” Howie asked. “Try it, once, maybe twice. If
you still don’t like it, we’ll go right back to the way things have been. But I
think that this could really help. Since we never see Erik at the same time,
our communication is all we have to go on. This could make a huge difference.”
It could; Howie was right. “We can try it.”
“All right.” Howie kissed him. “I have to go. I can’t let Erik think I’m not eager to hear how things went.” Howie kissed him again. “I’ll see you soon.”
JC couldn’t hold back a moan as his body grew hot with desire. God, he needed it. “Howie…”
“I want you so much,” Howie whispered, kissing him more deeply, pressing him back into the cushions. “JC…”
“I need it,” JC panted, urging Howie closer, moaning. “God, Howie, please…”
“I can’t,” Howie said, kissing him but pulling back. “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”
Frustrated, denied, JC cursed as Howie got up. “I hate this!”
“This would be a lot easier on me if you weren’t the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Howie said.
With a surprised laugh, JC said, “You’re not making this any easier on me, either.”
“I think I’ll show myself to the door,” Howie said. “It wouldn’t be a good idea for you to get too close to me right now.”
“Call me,” JC said, needing so much more than that. Howie left. With a groan, JC tried to decide what the hell to do now. Get over it? Call up someone? He was too hot for toys to satisfy him.
He was proud of himself, for his behavior at the meeting. He hadn’t acted like a complete fool over Nick, for once. It had been difficult, to hold back, but he didn’t want to come across as openly, shamelessly desperate. Although that seemed to be what Nick was going for these days, if Ashley was anything to go by.
JC wanted Nick; under his superficial desire for sex was a constant, deep, throbbing of need for Nick. Seeing Nick at the meeting, being that close, watching Nick, hearing Nick’s voice again, it was only more fuel for the ever-burning fire.
Being near Howie and being near Nick and seeing that damned video and then being refused had his body in a state of need.
He wouldn’t turn to Erik. Toys weren’t enough.
But there was another avenue open to him.
Joey’s head snapped up at the sound of a key scraping the lock at the front door. Shit. AJ!
“Shit,” Justin muttered, rubbing his forehead. “AJ.”
Joey wiped at his face in case there were crumbs in his beard, checking his breath.
Justin sighed, sitting up limply from where they’d ended up sprawled over the sofa. “I’d ask you not to tell AJ that I tried to call Dan, but there’s no point. Go ahead and tell him. I’ll probably end up telling him myself, if you don’t.”
“You’d tell AJ?” Joey asked, surprised.
“I’m honest with AJ about everything.” Justin didn’t seem to think that there was anything strange about that.
“Justin?” AJ asked. A moment later he walked into view, dropping his sunglasses on the table as he came closer. “You’ve been crying,” he noticed, crouching down in front of Justin.
“I’ve been fine,” Justin said, pulling away irritably. “I’m still pissed at you.”
“For saying that I love you?” AJ asked, plunging a knife deep into Joey’s heart.
“For making me say it back.”
AJ had said that to Justin. AJ hadn’t meant it, but the words had been said. AJ hadn’t said that to Joey in a long time. AJ had destroyed his possessions, parts of his house, numerous cars, his body, his soul, his life - - but AJ taking those words away from him had been the most destructive of all.
“I didn’t make you say it,” AJ said. “I said it, and you said it back.”
“I didn’t mean it! It just slipped out! I was trained, I-”
“So you automatically say it to everyone who says it to you?” AJ asked.
“No, I… Shut up,” Justin snapped. And then he looked to the doorway and lost all color from his face.
Joey followed Justin’s line of sight.
“Hello,” Brian said with a cheerful smile.
“Hi, Joey. Justin, you look better.”
“What’s he doing here?” Justin whispered, his gaze still on Brian.
“Baby-sitting,” AJ said. “I-”
“Can I talk to you?” Justin asked, getting up and pushing-pulling AJ out of the room.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” AJ demanded. A door closed.
Joey looked at Brian. “You’re here to,” he didn’t want to call it baby-sitting, “spend time with Justin?”
“AJ has something important to tend to,” Brian said, taking Justin’s place beside him.
AJ hadn’t even looked at him. “I guess that’s my cue to go.”
Brian’s eyes twinkled conspiratorially. “I think that’s your cue to go upstairs.”
What? Did - - a burst of excitement swirled
through him, down into his groin. But he’d just fucked AJ. Did AJ want it
again? “We already…”
“I heard,” Brian said with an amused smile. “I was surprised,” he
admitted. “I didn’t think that you’d do anything like that with Ashley right
downstairs.”
It had
been a bad idea, but he hadn’t had a choice. AJ had wanted him. “AJ’s hard to
say no to.”
Quiet laughter. “He wouldn’t be AJ if you could turn him down.”
“I’m not a fucking three-year-old!” Justin protested. “I don’t need constant supervision!”
“Yes, you do,” AJ said.
“Not him,” Justin said. “Don’t leave me alone with him. Brian’s-”
“Brian’s doing me a favor,” AJ said. “Live with it.”
“I can’t be alone with him,” Justin insisted. “He knows things, he does things, I know he does. You know what he’s like!”
“You’ll be fine,” AJ said. “I’ll take you
dancing later.”
“After you’ve been with Joey?” Justin asked. “Even you can’t have
that much sex.”
“I can have as much sex as I want to have.”
AJ’s hand cupped the side of Justin’s face. “Do I have to remind you how close
Brian is to Kevin?”
“No,” Justin said with immediate fear.
“Brian freaks you out, that’s fine, that’s your problem, deal with it. But I know that you don’t want me telling Kevin that you threw Brian out of your house. And I know,” AJ’s voice hardened, “that there’s no way you want Brian going back to Kevin, telling him that you were uncooperative.”
“I’ll obey,” Justin whispered. “I’m sorry, AJ, I-”
“When I’m done with Joey, they’ll both go,” AJ said. “Then it’ll be just us, and we’ll do whatever you want to do.”
“We won’t do whatever I want to do,” Justin said. “We never do what I want to do. If we did what I want to do, we’d-”
“Let me guess,” AJ said, dropping his hand with a smile. “Roll around in bed with Dan and then suck Kevin’s dick.”
“I was going to say stalk Kevin,” Justin said. He blushed. “But that sounds good, too.”
“I tell you what.” AJ stroked Justin’s neck; Justin shivered, moving closer. “We’ll go shopping first thing tomorrow morning. Then you’ll look good for Kevin.”
“When is he coming back?” Justin’s eyes were bright with need. “When-”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.” AJ kissed him. “It’ll be soon. That’s why we have to get you ready.”
“Soon?” Justin asked, stunned, excited. “How soon? Tomorrow? Is he coming for me tomorrow? Is that why we’re going shopping? Is-”
“Hush,” AJ said, and kissed him. “Listen to Brian.”
“Is he coming tomorrow?” Justin asked again, but AJ left the room.
Kevin might be coming tomorrow.
He’d go shopping, really early, so he wouldn’t miss it. He’d have to find something Kevin would like. But he didn’t know what Kevin liked on him. Kevin had complimented him and degraded him for the same clothes. What would Kevin want to see him in? Something just like the mesh shirt and jeans? Something completely unlike the mesh shirt and jeans?
“How are you doing?”
The smooth silk of Brian’s voice rubbed against the inside of Justin’s skull. Flinching, he turned to see Brian coming through the doorway, coming right towards him. He couldn’t help it; he backed up.
“We’ve been worried about you.” Was that a friendly smile? “It looks like AJ’s taking good care of you.”
Justin watched Brian carefully, looking for any danger signs. The last time they’d been alone together, in Dan’s room, Brian had…said things. And touched him. And totally freaked him out. “He does what he has to.”
“He must like staying here.” That was a friendly smile. “You have a great house.”
That… Something… Justin’s fingers twitched. Something… He couldn’t… Frowning, Justin rubbed his forehead, pushing against the wrinkles between his eyebrows. “Is that Kevin’s shirt?”
“What?” Taken off-guard, Brian looked down. “Oh, I forgot. Yeah, it is. Mine got wet, so I borrowed one of his.” Brian seemed surprised. “You recognize it?”
“He wore it,” Justin said. “To the barbecue.”
“Did he?” Brian sniffed a sleeve. “He must have washed it. It doesn’t smell like smoke.”
That was Kevin’s shirt. “Can I have it?”
Brian’s eyes widened. “You mean… You want to keep it? I don’t know - - it’s Kevin’s, and I can’t just give away Kevin’s clothes. And I’m wearing it, I can’t take it off and go around half-dressed.” Brian grinned at him. “Don’t you have your own clothes?”
“You can wear one of my shirts,” Justin said. He wanted that shirt. It was Kevin’s. “I’ll pay you for it.”
“You don’t have to give me money,” Brian said. He gave Justin a measuring look. “You really want it?” he asked, like he couldn’t quite believe it.
“Please.” Justin’s fingers twitched.
Brian frowned in thought, unsure, then nodded.
“I’ll tell you what. We’ll let AJ decide. When he’s finished upstairs, we can
ask him. If he says it’s okay, you and I can trade shirts. You can have this
one, and I’ll have something stylish to wear.” Brian seemed to remember
something. “Just don’t give me something that Dan would recognize as yours,
because I’m going over to the Townhouse to see Jacob after I leave here.”
“Okay.” He was going to have Kevin’s shirt. “Can you take it off
now?”
“I think-”
“If AJ says no then you can have it back,” Justin said. He wouldn’t let AJ say no. “Here, you can wear this.” Pulling off his own shirt, Justin held it out towards Brian.
“Oh, hello,” Brian said with a startled laugh. “You really did grow up.”
Blushing red with a sudden twist of shame - - he hadn’t intended to expose himself to Brian - - Justin didn’t back down from his mission. He was a whore; whores had nothing to hide. His own bodily shame was no less than he deserved. Sometimes he made an attempt to be proud, proud of the pleasure that he could give Kevin with his body, but pride had long ago fled him.
“You must put in a lot of work to look like that,” Brian said, pulling off Kevin’s shirt. Beneath it was a white undershirt, and immediately Justin opened his mouth. “This is Kevin’s, too,” Brian said. “You want it, too? It doesn’t fit me, anyway.”
Justin eagerly took both shirts from Brian, pulling them on and rubbing his hands down his own torso. Kevin.
“Not bad,” Brian said, easing into Justin’s shirt. “How do I look?”
“Thank you,” Justin said, stroking his chest some more.
Brian’s voice was understanding. “You’re welcome.”
Joey had never loved anyone more than he loved AJ. He’d do anything, put himself through anything, for AJ.
His basic inability to provide AJ with orgasm during penetration hadn’t bothered him before, but now it cut him deeply. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make it happen. Desperate, he fucked AJ harder, but nothing worked.
AJ didn’t seem to mind. He still demanded more, still fought hard for every second of erotic stimulation. Twisting, bucking, shouting, scratching, it was all the same.
But it was different for Joey, now. Someone else had provided AJ with ecstasy in a way that he simply couldn’t.
He’d always be second-best, now. Even in this.
He wasn’t first in anything, anymore. He wasn’t best in any of the categories.
Except for who loved AJ most. But that didn’t count for much, these days.
“Whoa,” Ashley said, flattening himself against the wall to avoid being slammed into as Erik rushed by. “Where are you going?”
“Out,” Erik said, running downstairs. “Bye!”
“Can I ask you about…” Trevor hesitated, glancing from Lance to Chris and back again.
“About what?” Lance asked, shuffling the deck.
“You’re gay,” Trevor said.
Lance smiled. “And here I thought I was hiding
it so well.”
“What’s it like for you?”
“What’s it like for you?” Lance countered.
“I’m not out,” Trevor said. “I mean, I’m out
to some people. The guys and Chris and you and a few other people. But I don’t
date, I mean, I haven’t gone out there and picked up guys. My family doesn’t
even know.”
Lance nodded, watching the cards for a moment. “And you want
advice?” he finally asked, meeting Trevor’s eyes again.
“I’ve never been out before,” Trevor said. “I’ve never been…active, before. I don’t know what to do or what not to do.”
“Why can’t you ask me?” Chris asked. “I’m…” He frowned. “Okay, my sexual history is a little confusing, and I’m confused about what I want, but…” He sighed, giving up. “Ask Lance.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Lance said. “If you don’t want to come out publicly, but you want to come out privately, then you should probably do it slowly. The more people you tell, the more you’ll learn who to trust. As for dating, as long as you’re not fucking in public, you’d be surprised how much you can get away with.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with fucking in public,” Chris said.
“I’ve always been into guys, and I love Chris, but… It’s really hard not to tell my parents. I’m on the phone with my family all of the time and they ask me what I’ve been doing and it’s hard not to tell them about this important thing in my life. I want to do it in person, I don’t want to do it over the phone, but I don’t know how to sit down and say it.”
“I…” Lance tightened his jaw. “I don’t know your family. I don’t know how your parents feel about it. I can’t tell you how to break the news because I don’t know how your parents would take it.”
“Maybe you could send them a nice balloon-o-gram,” Chris suggested. “How about one of those guys in a gorilla suit? There’s nothing like a guy in a gorilla suit - - singing, he should sing it - - maybe something like, ‘Trevor’s bi, he sleeps with guys-’”
“That’s brilliant,” Trevor said.
“I thought so,” Chris agreed, taking the deck from Lance. “Maybe you should ask JC for advice. Except JC doesn’t really tell people he’s gay. He just is gay, without really announcing it. You could try that. Or just kind of casually slip things into the conversation and see if anyone notices.”
Trevor tried it. “‘Yeah, Dad, rehearsal was great, we really have the choreography locked, we’re looking forward to that interview coming up next week, Chris Kirkpatrick gives great head, and my car isn’t back from the shop yet.’”
“Exactly,” Chris said. “That should go over really well.”
“God, I love how big and solid you are. I love being under you.” Digging his fingers into Joey’s meaty, muscular thighs, AJ gave Joey a feral grin. “You must pound the hell out of Ashley.”
“He begs me for it,” Joey said, kissing him, enjoying this rare moment.
“I’ll bet he loves it.” AJ rubbed Joey’s ass, squeezing firm handfuls. “When he walked in today, all I could think of was that pretty little bitch howling on the end of your dick. He loves that dick, and he loves his Joey.”
“He
gives wet, sloppy head,” Joey said. “He moans whenever I come on his face.”
AJ growled softly with pleasure in the back of his throat, moving
seductively under Joey’s body. “Tell me about it.”
Brian had sat down by the carousel that AJ had been working on. He was looking through the stacks of CD’s.
Justin sat on the sofa nearby and watched him.
He looked kind of like Kevin. The cut of his cheekbones. The strength of his jaw. It made Justin tremble inside.
He rubbed Kevin’s shirt and whispered to Kevin inside his head so no one else could hear. He’d tried to talk to Joey, but Joey didn’t understand. No one ever understood. Something good had happened to him and his best friend didn’t want to hear about it. He’d wanted Joey to be happy for him. Joey was upstairs with AJ; how was that different?
“This one has to be yours,” Brian said.
“Yeah,” Justin said, glancing at the CD. He
wondered how much Brian knew about Kevin. Probably at least as much as AJ did.
Maybe more? “Is Kevin coming for me tomorrow?”
“Coming for you?” Brian asked. “I don’t know. Kevin doesn’t clear
his schedule with me. And I don’t know if you should even ask me about that.
Did Kevin tell you if you’re supposed to mention that to other people?”
Justin swallowed. He’d already told Joey. What if he wasn’t supposed to tell? He’d been so excited! “He didn’t… He didn’t say anything.”
“Well, maybe you should wait and ask him about it,” Brian said. “Just in case.”
“Yes, Brian.” Had he ruined everything? Would he get in trouble? What if it was supposed to be a secret? Of course it was a secret, they’d been in a whole other place, a secret place. He’d ruined everything. What if Kevin never came for him again? What if that one time was the last and only time? What if-
“Don’t get all upset about it,” Brian said, coming over and sitting beside him on the couch. “There’s no point in scaring yourself getting worried about something you can’t control. Are you worried about Kevin being mad at you?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Scared, miserable, self-loathing, Justin rubbed at his wrist, everything knotting inside. “I fucked up, I fucked up, I shouldn’t have told Joey, I-”
“You told Joey?” Brian’s fingers slipped under his, hand circling his wrist, effectively blocking the familiar motion. “Who else did you tell?”
“You, and AJ already knew. Just Joey, I didn’t tell anyone else, I promise, no one else.”
“It might not be a secret,” Brian said gently. “But that’s up to Kevin to decide. Now, you know how clear Kevin is. If he wanted you to keep this to yourself, he would have told you that.”
“I know,” Justin said. “I know, I-”
“So why don’t you just wait until you see him again, and then ask him about it?” Brian suggested kindly. “If it’s not a secret, then you didn’t do anything wrong.”
And if it was a secret, Justin was in trouble. “He came for me. He came for me,” he said, stress and need and fear breaking his voice. “Kevin came for me and I promised to obey and-”
“I’m sure that you try very hard,” Brian said, gazing into his eyes.
“I love him,” Justin whispered.
“Being
in love is hard,” Brian said. “Loving someone can be very scary.”
“I’m scared,” Justin confessed. “I’m scared all of the time.”
Joey never denied AJ a request, so when AJ asked to hear about Ashley, he told AJ everything. He told AJ about Ashley’s inexperience, Ashley’s naiveté, Ashley’s eagerness, Ashley’s early fumbling blowjobs, Ashley’s hunger.
AJ responded with fascination, stroking Joey’s skin, often kissing him between sentences, licking at him and asking for details. Until finally Joey realized that AJ didn’t want to hear about Ashley; AJ wanted to hear about Joey. Joey’s sexual mastery over Ashley turned AJ on.
Joey loved being able to affect AJ like this. Caressing AJ’s flesh, returning AJ’s kisses, he elaborated, explaining how good he was, the tricks he’d used. The way he touched Ashley’s eager body. The way he exploited Ashley’s innocent submission. The way he thrust into that hole and made Ashley beg for more.
“He wants it,” AJ said, eyes dark with pride and desire, kisses slow and heated. “He wants you. Everybody wants you.”
“I don’t care about everybody,” Joey said, stroking AJ’s naked body, kissing him. “I don’t care as long as you want me.”
AJ made a pleased sound, caressing Joey’s nape. “Good. I like that.”
Howie went through the motions, running on auto-pilot. He invited Erik into the house, sat down with Erik on the sofa, asked about Erik’s time with JC. Had JC liked the flowers? Had JC liked the necklace? How had JC reacted to the card?
He smiled, inquisitive, eager for news, hopeful. He asked a lot of
questions, and he responded appropriately to Erik’s news.
But his mind wasn’t on Erik at all.
JC disliked being ruled by other people. He disliked being under someone else’s control.
When he’d been with Nick, there’d been no time off. He’d belonged to Nick for every second of every day. Even if he’d ever wanted, just for one moment, to forget that fact - - and he hadn’t - - towards the end, Nick never would have let him.
Now, that wasn’t an issue. He wasn’t with Nick anymore. He wasn’t Howie’s boyfriend. He was independent, and he wanted to exercise that independence.
He was his own man. His own man with his own needs. He was on top of the world, so why not prove it?
Howie was a great partner, but that went more along the lines of business partner than life partner. JC’d never pledged sexual loyalty to Howie. He could be with anyone he wanted, guilt-free.
He was tired of living for everyone else. He felt smothered by everyone else’s demands and expectations. His life had become all about Howie and Erik, and that wasn’t what he wanted.
He wanted to do something for himself. Something that was all about him, his desires, his decisions.
He wanted to regain his independence. Regain control. Exercise his individuality before the game consumed him.
He wanted to do something that was for him, about him, and no one else.
When AJ and Joey came downstairs, Brian and Justin were sitting on the couch together, talking quietly, holding hands. “This is cozy,” AJ said, approaching them.
Brian smiled at AJ. “You look like you enjoyed yourself.”
“I enjoyed myself and I enjoyed Joey’s self, too,” AJ said with a grin.
“I’m sure you did.” Brian turned back to Justin. “I’d better go. I’ll see you again sometime. And try not to worry.”
“I’ll try,” Justin said without much energy. When Brian, rising, let go of his hands, he rubbed at his wrist before clasping his hands in his lap.
“Good-bye,” Brian said to AJ. To Joey, “Good-bye.”
“Uh… Where are you going?” Joey asked.
“To the Townhouse,” Brian said, curious.
“Why?”
“I gave Ashley my truck so he could get home. If you gave me a lift
over there-”
“You gave Ashley your truck?” Brian repeated.
“And he drove it home?”
“Ooohhh,” AJ said, grinning. “You got this?” he asked Brian.
“I’m all over it,” Brian said, as Joey looked between them, not following.
“I’m glad it’s me and not you,” AJ said. “I’m
not subtle enough.”
“I’ll practice my disapproving, judgmental facial expressions on the
drive over,” Brian said. “Come on, Joey, we have to go make someone’s life a
little bit harder.”
“Wait,” AJ said. “Are you wearing each other’s clothes?”
“They’re Kevin’s,” Justin said, his expression both frightened and daring anyone to interfere.
“Are you okay with this?” AJ asked Brian.
“I’m not okay with both outfits looking better on him than on me,” Brian said. “But I’m okay with the switch if you are.”
“Okay,” AJ said. “As long as no one recognizes that shirt as his, it’s fine with me.”
Brian smiled gently at Justin. Justin said,
“Thank you, AJ.”
“I shouldn’t indulge your sick obsessions,” AJ said. “Rok, I’ll see
you later. Joseph,” he caught Joey in a quick kiss, “I’ll call you.”
“Bye,” Joey said, kissing him again.
“I’d better decide which tone of voice to use,” Brian mused on his way to the door. “Sternly disapproving or self-righteous and disgusted?”
Howie had things to do. Things that he wanted to do, and things that he needed to do.
Erik was excited about JC and looking forward to tomorrow’s barrage
of gifts. Howie talked to him more specifically about that, making plans.
Then Howie made out with him, although he wasn’t the one on Howie’s
mind.
The doorbell rang.
Chris’s back straightened; he looked in that direction.
“Is that your prairie dog impression?” Lance asked, running his fingers over Chris’s ear. “I think your ears are twitching.”
“Who’s getting that?” Chris asked Trevor. “You should get that. It could be important.”
“Are you expecting someone?” Trevor asked, getting up.
“It could be one of those ‘you just won a million dollars!’ prize guys,” Chris said. “You should answer it.” He batted away Lance’s hand. “Stop molesting me.”
“I’ve got it!” Ashley called from elsewhere in the house.
“See, now you missed it,” Chris told Trevor. “Now Ashley gets a million dollars and you don’t.”
“That’s okay,” Trevor said, resuming his place on the cement. “He’ll share it with me.”
Ashley smiled, happy to see Joey. “Hi! Come in.” He turned his smile on Brian. “I’m guessing you’re here to see Jacob.”
“I am,” Brian said. “I also came to give Joey
a lift so he could pick up his car.”
“Oh, yeah, of course,” Ashley said. “I put the keys-”
“I thought that it would be better to drive him over myself,” Brian said. “We wouldn’t want Nick to have to go out of his way to bring Joey all the way over here.”
Hesitating, unsure, not certain what Brian meant by that, Ashley said, “Yeah, no, I appreciate-”
“I know that you would never try to move in on someone else’s boyfriend,” Brian said. “I understand that you enjoy Joey’s company, and that you also respect his relationship with Nick.”
“Of course,” Ashley said immediately. “I totally-”
“So you understand that it doesn’t necessarily send the right message if you’re driving Joey’s car all over town,” Brian said.
Oh! Ashley glanced at Joey, then back at Brian. “I didn’t… He was staying to talk to Justin, and I didn’t want to intrude on a private conversation, so - - I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Of course not,” Brian said. He stepped past Ashley, moving on towards the pool. “I’ll try not to mention this to Nick if you try not to do it again.” With that, he was gone.
Shocked, Ashley stared at Joey. “I didn’t - - I never - - what’s he accusing me of? All I did was come home! You’re the one who told me to take your truck! I didn’t-”
“I know, pretty.” Joey rubbed his arm. “I know. Forget about it. Brian still has a few doubts to work out, but that’s his problem.” Joey kissed him; Ashley returned the kiss automatically, but he wasn’t quite satisfied. But before he could say anything else, Joey asked, “You have my keys?”
Disappointed, Ashley asked, “You can’t stay?” He’d forgotten about last night’s brush-off when Joey had come in this morning, but the car ride hadn’t gone well and they’d barely spoken at Justin’s house and now Joey wasn’t even going to stay? “I was hoping that we could spend some time together.”
“Me, too, pretty, but I have to go,” Joey said. “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll call you.”
“Okay.” He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have room to push. Handing over Joey’s keys, he said, “I’ll see you, then.”
Joey kissed him. “Bye, pretty.” Another kiss, and Joey was gone.
Feeling…dissatisfied, doubts crowding into his mind, Ashley studied the door. Just why had Joey picked him up that morning, anyway? To go to lunch, but then something had come up. He could understand that, but when Brian had just started insinuating things, why hadn’t Joey said anything? Why hadn’t Joey spoken up? He’d been left defending himself against…whatever that had been.
Maybe Joey didn’t want to defend him in front of Brian in case Brian took it the wrong way? But Brian seemed determined to take everything the wrong way, anyway.
Who the hell was Brian, to judge what they did? If Nick wasn’t stopping it, what was Brian’s problem?
AJ cleared the floor and started the music. He waltzed Justin slowly around the room. Eyes closed, Justin moved, guided by AJ’s touch.
Erik kissed Howie good-bye and left.
Every time he walked away from Howie, he felt a residual high from the Howie contact. He felt a Howie buzz humming around in his body, in his brain. The same thing happened whenever he was around JC, too.
Howie had seemed excited about how things had gone with JC. And Howie had definitely been into that make-out session. Damn. That had been hot as hell.
He missed seeing Howie and JC together, but it was great to get Howie’s undivided attention.
“Hey, everybody.” Brian walked around the edge of the pool. “What’re you playing?”
“Pick-up sticks,” Chris said, tossing a card in the pool.
“They’re cards,” Lance said.
“Pick-up cards,” Chris said, tossing another one.
“I’m about to take those away from you,” Trevor warned, reaching for the net.
“How’s everything going?” Brian asked.
“Just fine and dandy, thank you,” Chris said.
“Great.” Brian smiled at him, then said, “Lance, could I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure,” Lance said. “I’ll be right back,” he told Chris, getting up and walking away with Brian.
Chris ripped a card in half.
“What was that for?” Trevor asked, turning around from the pool in time to see him drop the halves.
“I didn’t like that one.” Chris knotted his fingers together. “You have to be nice to your friends, though, because sometimes they’re all you have and sometimes you’re all they have. Lance doesn’t really have a family anymore so we’re all the family he has so it’s important to be his friend.”
“What happened to Lance’s family?” Trevor asked, surprised, concerned, sitting back down beside him.
“They don’t talk to him anymore. They don’t consider him a part of the family.”
“They disowned him?” Trevor asked, stunned.
“For what, for being gay?”
“It’s hard on him. It’s very hard, but he doesn’t like to talk
about it.”
“Hard on him, that has to be hell.” Trevor
still seemed shocked. “I can’t believe they’d do that. Oh, god, I’m so stupid,
you should have made me shut up when I was asking him all of those questions.
They don’t talk to him at all? What if he calls?”
“I don’t know,” Chris said. “I think they just hang up on him, or
don’t answer.”
“I couldn’t take it if my family did that to me,” Trevor said. “I just couldn’t handle that.”
“You’d be surprised what you can take,” Chris said. “Lance has learned to handle a lot.”
“Hi,” JC said. His smile was slow and flirtatious. “Can I get you a drink?”
Chris had ripped all fifty-two cards in half. With all of the halves spread out before him, face-down, he was trying to match them.
Trevor didn’t seem reassured that he was all right. Probably because he wasn’t all right.
Brian walked through the pool area and knocked on Jacob’s door.
Chris kept himself from saying anything.
Lance came over and sat down.
Jacob’s door opened. Brian went into Jacob’s room and the door closed.
“You can go home, now,” Chris said.
“I-”
“I’d like some personal time with Trevor, and you probably don’t want to watch.” He met Lance’s eyes. “I enjoyed this quality time together, but now I’d like some quality time with someone who touches me in interesting ways.”
Trevor coughed and scratched behind one ear.
“Okay,” Lance said, looking at him carefully. “If you’re sure.”
“Go home,” Chris said.
“Okay. Call me later. Trevor,” Lance said, standing.
“Bye,” Trevor said. “Thanks for visiting.”
Lance left.
Chris rested his head on Trevor’s shoulder.
Trevor rubbed his back.
Chris drummed his fingers on Trevor’s thigh. “Let’s go upstairs and cuddle.”
One, two, three. One, two, three. The easy rhythm of the waltz moved seductively through Justin’s body. One, two, three. One, two, three.
AJ’s voice was soft, a rough whisper by his ear. “You’re hard.”
His body responded to dancing, to AJ, to dancing with AJ. The nearness of AJ’s body, the press of AJ’s hand at the small of his back, the accidental brush of thigh to thigh. There was a simmering awareness somewhere inside Justin that liked AJ; sometimes it felt like their bodies were tuned into a vibration on a frequency that only they understood. Justin didn’t like AJ, but Justin’s skin liked AJ’s skin, wanted to be rubbed up against it at every possible opportunity.
With his eyes closed, Justin didn’t know where exactly they were in the room, but he did feel a shift as AJ danced them off of the course they’d been taking. AJ’s hand left his back for a second, and Justin instinctively pressed closer, moving in against AJ’s body, wrapping his arms around AJ securely. The music changed from classical to R&B, and then AJ’s hand was on his back again.
“You already fucked yourself out,” Justin said, not wanting to give in too quickly.
“I can still take care of you,” AJ said. “Don’t underestimate me.”
“Guess who we’re eating with tonight,” Brian said, sitting on the bed.
Jacob eyed him warily. “It had better not be Lance again.”
“No, not tonight,” Brian said. “It’s someone a little closer to me. Lance is nice, but this guy’s even sweeter.”
Jacob winced. “I can’t believe you just said that. Let me guess. We’re having dinner at Howie’s house?”
“Yes, we are,” Brian said with a big smile.
Wow. “Why are you so happy about this? Why do you keep thinking that this is a good idea?”
“Last night went okay,” Brian said. “You and Nick got along.”
“So you’ve decided to push your luck,” Jacob said. Brian just didn’t give up. But the way he was smiling, so happy like that, made him irresistible. Whatever made Brian happy, Jacob couldn’t say no to. “Okay, I’m in, I’ll go. At least it’ll get me out of the house while the astroposer’s here.”
“Oh, I think Lance said he was about to go.”
“The sooner,” Jacob said, “the better.”
matthew@matthewtime.com
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