Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-December 30, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part sixty-three

            When JC walked back into the room, everyone had changed places.  Nick was in the armchair, with AJ perched on the armrest; Brian was in the other chair, murmuring quietly on his phone; Kevin and Howie were on the sofa.

            The space between Howie and Kevin was left for JC, so he went over and sat there.  Nick and AJ were talking about Joey again; Howie asked him about Chris.

            “He says he’s fine,” JC said.  “Lance says he’s just relaxing with him and Trevor.  Apparently Jacob’s locked himself in his room and won’t come out.”

            “Really?” Howie asked.  “Brian.”

            Brian murmured something else, then cupped a hand over his phone, looking at them with a question in his eyes.

            “Where’s Jacob?” Howie asked.

            “In a bookstore,” Brian said.

            “Right now?” JC asked.  “How’d he get out of his room?”

            “Probably through the window,” Brian said, and went back to his conversation.

            “The window?” JC asked.

            “He must be pretty desperate to avoid Lance if he’s jumping out of windows to get away from him,” Kevin said, one arm along the back of the couch behind JC, legs stretched before him.

            “Can you blame him?” Nick asked, then tapped at AJ.  “You did shower before you came over here, right?”

            “I’m clean,” AJ said, and grinned at Nick.  “How I got clean is between Joey and me.”

            AJ and Joey had had sex?  In Justin’s house?  Hadn’t Ashley been there?

            Soft murmurs, and Brian hung up.  “Jacob’s used his window as an escape route before, like when they’re playing games.  I’ve thought of using it as a way to get in, but, whew,” flash of a self-deprecating smile, “I’m not as young as I used to be.”

            “He’d love it if you did,” Kevin said.

            “Jacob loves everything Brian does,” Howie said.

            With a quick laugh, Brian smiled.  “It’s a gift.”

            AJ checked his watch.

            “Maybe you should call,” Howie said.

            “I was not born to baby-sit.”  AJ pulled out his phone, dialing.  “Hey.  Are you being a good boy?”  He scratched his knee.  “I know you didn’t mean it, Justin, I didn’t mean it either.  Ashley was sitting right there, and I - - I know that.”  He laughed.  “I know.”  He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.  “Justin, he knows that, and he doesn’t care.  Okay, okay, I’ll tell him.  You’re okay?  Is Joey taking care of you?”  He smiled.  “Good.  Okay, I’ll be home later.  Fine, I’ll be at your house later.  Okay.”  He grinned.  “Works for me.”  AJ hung up.  “They’re working out.”

            “That sounds like a healthy activity,” Brian said.

            “Oh, and Justin loves you,” AJ told Kevin.

            Kevin sighed, scratching his forehead.  “Of course he does.”

            “So.”  Brian sat forward, clasping his hands.  “What do we talk about first?”

            Dan sat on Ashley’s bed while Ashley told him, in detail, one more time, everything that Justin had said and done.

            They talked about Kevin’s plans for Trevor; JC was impressed that Kevin didn’t bat an eye when a certain dollar amount arose.  They talked about AJ’s plans for Dan; JC experienced both anxiety and relief on Justin’s behalf.  They talked about Brian’s plans for Jacob; Lance had to be pleased with his upcoming role.  They talked about Nick’s plans for Ashley; JC hoped that the little bitch got everything that was coming to him.

            As the discussion rolled, JC found himself sharing his thoughts and giving his opinion.  He even found himself being asked for his advice.  They incorporated him as an equal, and he kept himself involved, pushing aside his need for Nick so that he could focus.

            Then the conversation turned to him, Howie, and Erik.  He and Howie explained what had happened so far, including the flowers that Erik had brought over.  When he mentioned the necklace, AJ wanted to see it.  He pulled it out from under his shirt, and Kevin lifted it from his chest in one hand, studying it as AJ leaned closer over Kevin’s shoulder.

            “It’s nice,” Kevin said.  “It suits you.”

            “Good stuff,” AJ agreed.

            “Thanks,” JC said.  While AJ returned to Nick’s armrest, Kevin released the pendant, sitting back.

            “What I want to go over more is what happened last night,” Howie said.  “Erik and I have been talking about maybe JC and me having dinner together.  I let him think that I was nervous about the idea, and we decided that maybe I should practice, on him, to prepare myself for dinner with JC.”

            “Okay,” Brian said.

            “We decided to make it a kind of role-playing evening,” Howie continued.  “We’d eat at my house, and Erik would pretend to be JC, so I could practice my lines.”

            “Sounds good,” AJ said.

            “I planned a little seduction for him,” Howie said.  “After dinner, we went to the bedroom for dessert.”

            “He must have enjoyed that,” Nick said.

            “He did,” Howie said.  “That’s what I want to talk about.  I want you to see what happened so we can decide what my next set of moves should be.”

            “Okay,” Kevin said.

            Howie reached for the remote.

Chris gave Trevor his cards, visiting the bathroom before going to the kitchen.

He’d had a bad morning.

            He sat at the kitchen table.  He didn’t want to eat anything.  He just wanted to be with Brian, but Brian wasn’t there.  So he wanted to be by himself.

            Dan walked in.

            Chris made a feeble effort to look less pathetic.

            Dan didn’t look that great, either.  After a brief attempt at rummaging through cabinets, he gave up and sat down, too.

            Chris surreptitiously watched him.

            Dan turned his phone over in his hands.

            “I like your bracelet,” Chris said.  He did.  It made no sense on Dan, specifically, but it was still a lovely bracelet.

            Dan’s smile was a nice try, but it was nothing compared to those big, happy smiles he’d used to share with Justin.  “Thanks.”  A moment of silence.  “Are you all right?”

            “I drank some bad milk earlier.  It hasn’t agreed with me all day.”

            “Maybe you should lay down,” Dan said.

            Becoming horizontal wouldn’t exactly solve his problems.  But curling up in bed and feeling sorry for himself and letting Trevor pet him sounded nice.  Except what was he going to do with Lance?  “I might, later.”

            “Okay.”

            Chris tapped his fingers.

            “Chris?”  Trevor’s voice was in the kitchen now.  “Where’s the ace of spades?  I can’t find it, and if you threw it in the pool-”

            “It’s down my pants,” Chris said.  He looked over at Trevor.  “If you had it, you’d win, so I hid it.”

            “You put the ace of spades down your pants?” Trevor asked, like that was odd behavior.

            “Yeah.”  Oh.  “Do you want it back?”

            “Remind me not to play with that deck,” Dan said.

            Trevor grinned at Chris.  “Are you going to give it to me, or do I have to come get it?”

            Chris looked at Dan.  “You might want to leave the room now.”

            JC recognized Howie’s dining room onscreen, although he’d never seen it look like that before.  “That looks great.”

            “Did you cook that?” Nick asked.

            “I ordered it,” Howie said.  “I didn’t have time, I was too busy setting up the room.  The table was a bitch to move.”

            “You look good,” AJ said.  “Estrada does not clean up well.”

            “He tried,” Howie said.  “Be prepared, I’m going to call him JC every other minute.  He soaked up the attention, though.”

            “Because all straight boys love being seduced by older men,” AJ said.  “Alone, in their houses, by candlelight.”

            It was a little strange, to have Howie onscreen talking to “him” that earnestly.  But the things that Howie was saying, JC couldn’t help but love.

            “You’re laying it on thick,” AJ said.

            “He’s eating it up,” Kevin said.  “Go with what works.”

            “He can’t look away from you,” Brian said.  “He’s completely under your spell.”

            “It goes on that way for a while.”  Howie fast-forwarded.

            “He’s drinking a lot,” Brian said.

            “He’s nervous?” Nick asked.

            “He wants me, and he’s realizing how close he is to falling in love with me, and it scares him,” Howie said.  “The rest of it is just more of that.  I wanted to show you that part of it so you’d understand what happened during the first half of the night.”  He got up, switched tapes, and sat down again.  “Now we’re in the bedroom.”

            “Wow,” JC said, surprised at how well Howie had set the mood.  The room looked terrific.  And the things that Howie was saying to Erik, he sounded incredibly seductive.

            “He’s captivated,” Brian said.  “He’s completely yours.”

“Damn,” Nick said.  “You have candles everywhere.”

            “Are those rose petals?” AJ asked.  “Howie, you really have to back off the clichés.”

            “I like it,” Brian said.  “It’s romantic.”

            “Howie’s good at romance,” Kevin agreed.  “And, whoa, that boy’s horny.”

            “There’s someone who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing,” Nick said.

            JC had realized, vaguely, that he’d probably see Howie and Erik in a sexual situation.  Even so, he hadn’t been prepared for it.  As they kissed, Erik groaned, and they began to remove each other’s clothes.  JC glanced at Howie’s profile; they were really going to watch this?

            Howie had a slight frown.  The same frown Justin had when they studied their concert tapes.  Howie was watching himself and scrutinizing his moves?

            Maybe Howie was okay with this, but the other guys couldn’t be.  JC snuck a glance at Brian across the room.

            Brian was sitting there as calmly as if they were all watching a regular TV show, instead of his own best friend having sex.

            “JC,” Howie moaned onscreen.

            It sent heat right through him, to hear Howie moan his name like that.  All of those flatteringly seductive words, all of those whispers and murmurs of his name - - he’d made love with Howie too many times not to feel that heat.  Especially since he’d been unable to experience Howie for himself lately, and he missed that sweet seduction.  All of the cues were right there, and he felt the warmth of Howie’s body right by his side; how could he not respond?

            “Do you want some…dessert?”

Bright red, JC wanted to look away.  Howie and Erik were completely naked, on Howie’s bed, making out.  Naked.  How could Howie sit in a room full of people with that onscreen?  His gorgeous naked ass was right there; JC could see the muscles flex as Howie moved.

            And then Howie sat up.  With everything on display.

            This wasn’t a private erotic moment, and this wasn’t a stranger in porn.  This was Howie having sex onscreen while they just sat and watched!  JC couldn’t possibly be the only one who was completely mortified.  Anyone would be uncomfortable watching this!  He looked at Kevin, AJ, and Nick for confirmation.

            Kevin was even more relaxed than Brian was.  AJ was watching with a little more apparent attention, drumming his fingers on the armrest between his thighs.  Nick was watching casually, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

            “What’s in those little cups?” Brian asked.

            That was it?  JC stared at Brian.  That was what he’d broken the silence for?  What’s in those little cups?!  How about, why the hell are we watching you have sex like your private sex life is a boring documentary?!

            “Chocolate,” Howie said.

            “Champagne now, too?” Nick asked.  “Are you trying to get him drunk?”

            “That’s not for him, that’s for me.  I needed something to help me get through it,” Howie said.  Onscreen, he said, “I’ve wanted you…so much…”  JC felt the heat of embarrassment in his cheeks.

            “He keeps trying to get on top,” Kevin said.

            “Like Howie’s into that,” Nick muttered.

            “I could never spend all of my time topping,” AJ said.

            “I could,” Nick said.

            “You do,” AJ said.  “The three of you are always so damned adamant about being on top, and I know JC’s hard-core about the other end of the spectrum.  Brian and I are the only ones who understand the beauty of the overall experience.”

            “I haven’t been getting too much of it lately,” Brian said.  “Lance doesn’t…”  He blushed and didn’t finish that sentence.  JC couldn’t believe it.  That was what made him blush?  Mentioning sex with Lance?  Not watching Howie and Erik fuck right in front of him?

            “I like men who work it both ways,” AJ said.  “It keeps things interesting.”

            “Everybody likes something different,” Nick said.  “You just have to find someone who fits.”

            At any other time, a statement like that from Nick would’ve sent JC’s thoughts into an over-analytical spin.  But JC couldn’t devote one hundred percent of his attention to Nick when Howie was seducing Erik right there in front of him.  He loved the way Howie kissed.  And the way Howie’s body moved.  And the way Howie’s tongue licked over Erik’s flesh…

            “I can’t think of anything that tastes good enough that I’d lick it off of Erik,” Kevin said.

            “How can you say ‘I love your body, JC,’ to Estrada?” Nick asked.

            “It wasn’t easy,” Howie said.  Onscreen, he poured more chocolate onto Erik’s stomach.

            “He loves it,” Brian said.  “Do the different cups have different flavors?”

“The first one was milk chocolate.  The second one’s dark chocolate and the last one’s going to be more of an almond chocolate.”

            “Nice touch,” AJ said, as Howie fed Erik a strawberry.

            “He’s so out of his league,” Kevin said.

            “He knows it,” Brian said.  “He knows it but that only makes him want it more.”

            “He can’t look away,” AJ said.  “He’s soaking up every damned second of it.”

            “Look at his face,” Nick said, as Erik fed a strawberry to Howie.

            “He loves it,” Kevin said.

            “It’s all right there in that second when Howie leans in for it,” Brian said.  “Everything he didn’t even know he wanted.”

            “It’s that moment of being in control,” Kevin said.  “Howie’s trust in him.”

            “Howie’s giving him equality,” AJ said.

            “He’ll always remember this night,” Nick said.

            “Feeding someone right from your hand, eating from their hand, it’s such a powerful act,” Brian said.  “It’s never used enough.”

            JC had watched porn before, but it had never been someone he knew.  Someone he’d had sex with.  Someone who was in the room.  Someone who was saying his name.  He was mortified for Howie and ashamed and weirdly aroused, and he couldn’t believe that this was happening.

            He hadn’t had sex with Howie recently enough, and especially after making out in the car, he wanted it.  Now he was sitting through a viewing of Howie’s recent sexual activities.  Howie was naked, Erik was naked; they were aroused, in a familiar setting, in a situation that was largely about him.  He was used to having sex with them; it wasn’t a stretch to imagine himself in the scene.  Hearing Howie say his name in sexual tones kept his body hot; it sounded just like all of those other times, when it had been his mouth that Howie had kissed, his skin that Howie had caressed.

            Didn’t anyone mind that Howie was completely naked onscreen?  Completely naked and astride Erik’s equally naked body?  Weren’t they disturbed by the sight of Howie’s erection?  Weren’t they embarrassed?  Why didn’t Howie respect his own privacy more?  Why were they all okay with this?  Why was everyone acting so damned casual about it?  JC would never put himself on shameless display like this.

            He felt like he was losing his mind.  Was he wrong?  Was he a prude?  Was he unnaturally shy?  He knew that Joey taped sex, but he’d never watch it.  Even if he found the tape right there in the VCR, he’d never actually look at it.  That just crossed too many boundaries.

            When were they going to turn off the tape?  When would it be too much?  How far would it go?  They were all fine with this so far; what else were they fine with?

            Howie’s hand held Erik’s erection.  JC wanted to look away.  Oh, god, Howie was pouring chocolate over Erik’s dick!  They had to stop this, they couldn’t watch this!

            “Good work getting him to watch,” AJ said.

            “He’ll never get that visual out of his head,” Kevin said.

            “He’s in heaven,” Nick said.

            Oh, god!  This was too far!  JC stared in shock as Howie wrapped his lips around Erik’s erection.  They couldn’t watch this!  He waited for Howie to break in and stop the tape, but Howie just sat there like they were still watching the dinner footage.

            Being present in the scene, being there in the bedroom, on the bed, watching, was completely different.  In that case, JC was part of the moment, involved.  There was immediacy and momentum.  Now, here, this was the next day, a detached viewing, without the context of being there, in it, with the sheets under him and the candles around and Erik’s moans right there for his ears.

            They weren’t laughing at it.

            They weren’t jacking off to it.

            They were just watching it.

            How could they make such an incredibly personal experience thoroughly impersonal?

            “Every time you make any kind of noise, he reacts to it,” Kevin said.

            “Even the quietest sounds make him respond,” Brian said.  “He moans back, he touches you more, he arches…”

            “He wants to hear more,” AJ said.  “He loves making you hot and he wants more of it.”

            “He wants to please you,” Nick said.  “Making you hot makes him hot, but there’s more to it.  It’s like he wants to keep you happy, he wants you to like him and want him.”

            “He’s invested in you,” Brian said.  “I wouldn’t call it devoted, yet.”

            “It’ll be devotion, soon,” Kevin said.

            “It’s too early for that,” Howie said.  “I don’t expect devotion from Erik now.”

            “It’s on its way,” AJ said.

            “He’s committed to it but he’s not committed to it,” Nick said.  “He’s still not in it one hundred percent.  He’s still holding back so he has an out.”

            “I know,” Howie said.  “I have to get him past that.”

            “He’s stubborn,” Kevin said.  “It won’t be a quick flip.”

            “Yes, JC, come for me,” Howie said onscreen, as Erik cried out.  “Let me taste how sweet you are.”

            “You can do better than that,” Nick said.  “That’s really corny.”  Howie smiled.

            Onscreen, Erik came.

            Now it would be over.  Now they could be finished.  JC silently pleaded with Howie to turn off the fucking TV.

            Howie kissed Erik onscreen.  JC realized that Howie was feeding Erik his own cum, and turned red with the heat of shame and arousal.  Erik moaned, reaching for Howie’s erection.

            They didn’t have to watch this.  They didn’t need to watch this.  Howie just could have told them what had happened.

            Why would Howie tape this?  Why would Howie show them this?

            The Howie onscreen, the naked fucking Howie, kept saying his name.  JC, JC, JC, over and over again.  In a way it brought JC into that bed, included him.  Howie was gorgeous, his skin polished gold in the candlelight, his naked body beautifully displayed.  Howie knew exactly what to say, had all of the right moves.  JC was horribly aroused, and that only added to his mortification.

            It was like he was the only one in the room who saw this situation as abnormal.  Was he the only one affected by it?  Was he the only one turned on by it?  Was he the only one who was uncomfortable?  Wasn’t it normal to be uncomfortable?  Was he crazy for seeing something wrong with this?

            “He wants more,” AJ said.  “He can’t get enough of it.”

            “He just came but he doesn’t want to stop,” Nick said.

            “Listen to the way he says your name,” Kevin said.  “That’s not just his dick talking.  That’s not just sex.”

            “He doesn’t just want sex, he wants you,” Brian said.  “Everything about you.”

            “That’s not love but it’s so fucking close,” AJ said.  “You’re almost there, you just have to push.”

            The Boys did seem to be getting a lot out of it, learning more about Erik, gaining new insights - - was he the immature one?  He would never have picked up on the things that they’d noticed on the tape.  They were watching an instructional video, while he felt like he was watching intensely personal pornography.  Maybe the problem wasn’t them; maybe it was him.  Maybe he had something to learn.

            “I know it’s been a long time, baby, but you know you can trust me,” Howie said.  “Roll over, JC, let me give you what you need.”

            Erik hesitated, then sat up, reaching for the champagne.

            “He has to get himself drunk first?” Kevin asked.

            “Amateur,” AJ said.

            “Is that to give himself courage, or to give himself an excuse?” Nick asked.

            “Both,” Kevin said.

            “He’s going to do it,” Brian said.  “He’s going to give it up.  He’s afraid but he’s taking this opportunity to get it over with, so it’ll be done.  Because he doesn’t think that there’s ever going to be another way to convince himself to give Howie what Howie wants, but he doesn’t want to deny Howie forever.”

            “He won’t,” JC said.  Not Erik.  Not-

            Erik rolled onto his stomach, giving Howie his ass.

            “Here we go,” AJ said.

            “He didn’t,” JC said, stunned.  Erik had rolled over for Howie.  After being adamantly opposed to the very idea of it, now Erik was accepting of it?

            What had Howie been doing to Erik during their separation?  What had changed?  Had Erik let Howie fuck him last night?

            No way.  Not Erik.

            “More chocolate,” AJ said.

            “He expected you to go right for it,” Kevin said.  “This is a good way to give him time to relax.”

            “He’s moaning,” AJ said.  “Estrada’s moaning.  He’s so into this.”  An undignified snort.  “And that little motherfucker says he’s straight.”

            “He totally wants it,” Nick said.  “Look at him!”

            “That’s it, JC, that’s it,” Howie murmured onscreen.  “Show me how beautiful you are.”

            “Well, a hell of a lot more beautiful than that,” Nick said.

            “Is he - - he’s jacking it,” AJ said.  “Could he be more into this?”

            “That finger’s not going in, is it?” Brian asked.

            “No,” Howie said.  Onscreen, he began to rub lube in the cleft of Erik’s ass.

            Howie was going to fuck Erik.  They were about to watch Howie fuck Erik.  With Howie in the room!  Right beside JC!

            God, he was hard.  Wincing, JC shifted, trying to cover it.  He was too attuned to Howie, and the Howie onscreen was saying his name and murmuring deliciously flattering things and about to fuck.  JC had been where Erik was too many times not to respond now.

            “That is lube, isn’t it?” Nick asked.  “Why aren’t you going in?”

            “I’m not going to fuck him,” Howie said.

            “You’re not?” JC asked, startled into speech.

            “Freaking genius,” AJ said.

            “Just watch and see,” Howie said.

            “That boy’s begging for it,” AJ said.  “He wants it and now he can’t have it.  Give him a taste, D., make him drool for more.”

            On the tape, Howie settled onto Erik’s body fully, his rigid erection sliding long and thick against Erik’s ass, right in the cleft.  JC’s asshole contracted with need.

            “Oh, JC, oh, god, you feel so good,” Howie said onscreen.  “I’ve been dreaming about this, dreaming about being with you just like this.”

            Clenching his teeth together, JC held back a moan.

            Onscreen, Howie began to move.  Rocking Erik’s willing, arching body.  Thrusting steadily against Erik’s full, smooth ass.  Howie panted, fucking, saying JC’s name over and over again as Erik groaned.  Their bodies moved together, Howie’s fluid strokes setting the pace.

            When Erik came, JC’s body begged for similar release.

            Howie continued to ride Erik’s body for a moment more, making sexual sounds that went straight to JC’s dick.  Oh, yes, yes, yes-

            Howie’s breath caught.

            Yes!  Yes!  Cum spurted onto Erik’s back, jetting from Howie’s dick.  The sight of it made JC’s mouth water.

            Onscreen, Howie kissed Erik’s neck; Erik rolled over.  The lucky bastard.  God, what JC wouldn’t give to-

            “I love you,” Howie said onscreen.  “I love you, JC, it’s been so hard without you.”

            “He’s soaking it up,” AJ said.

            “I love you,” Howie whispered to Erik.

            “He wants to say it back,” Brian said.

            “I love you so much,” Howie whispered onscreen.

            “Howie, how many times are you going to say that to him?” Nick asked.

            “I’m a patient man,” Howie said.  “I’ll say it until he says it back.”

            Trevor slid his hands over Chris’s ass.  “You shouldn’t steal people’s cards.”

            “I didn’t steal it,” Chris said, squirming slightly as Trevor searched him.  “I just hid it.”

            “Hid it where?” Trevor asked, checking Chris’s pockets.

            “I tucked it away for safekeeping.”  Oh, hey, “That’s not appropriate behavior for a kitchen.”

            Trevor’s hand wandered over the front of Chris’s pants, cupping gently.  “I think I found it.”

            “Yeah?” Chris asked with a quick shudder.  “If that’s what an ace of spades feels like, I’ll have to play cards more often.”

            Trevor kissed him, and he kissed back, his hands sliding over Trevor’s neck and up into Trevor’s hair.  Trevor worked a hand down the front of his pants, caressing his dick, withdrawing with the card.  “Jackpot,” Trevor said against his mouth.

            “I’ll say,” Chris breathed, kissing him again.  “Trevor…”

            “What?” Trevor asked, nuzzling against him, kissing him.

Chris’s fingers stroked his nape.  “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” Trevor said, looking into his eyes.

“I really, really like you a lot,” Chris said.

            Trevor smiled.  “I really, really like you a lot, too.”  It hurt, not to be loved by Chris.  But he’d take what he could get.

            “I’d like to stay here, tonight.”  Chris’s fingers ran over his chin.  “I have to be somewhere else tomorrow morning, but I want to stay tonight.”

            “Okay.”  Trevor kissed him.  The way Chris kissed was familiar by now, but it still made him so hot...

            “Do you have to do this in the kitchen?” Erik’s voice asked.  “We have to cook in here, and now there are weird sex cooties everywhere.”

            “Okay, you’re right,” Trevor said, backing away from Chris.  “We’ll go do this in a more appropriate place.  Come on, Chris, let’s go up to Erik’s room.”

            “Hey!” Erik protested.  “Don’t you dare!”

            “We can have sex in Erik’s room?” Chris asked.  “Does Erik have sex in Erik’s room?”

            Trevor laughed.  “No.”

            “I’ve had sex in Ashley’s room,” Erik said.

            “With Ashley?” Chris asked.  “That must have been interesting for you.”

            “Are you serious?” Trevor asked, scandalized.  “When?  With who?”

            “Recently,” Erik said, grinning.  “With none of your business.”

            “Recently?” Chris asked, raising his eyebrows.  “And this sex partner wasn’t bothered by the Superman shrine?”

            “She didn’t really like it, no,” Erik admitted.

            “Why were you having sex in Ashley’s room?” Trevor asked.  “Your room is right there.”

            “She’s kind of into public sex,” Erik said.  “Sex in interesting places.  She gets off on it.”

            “Now, that’s just asking for trouble,” Chris said.

            “I have to tell Ashley,” Trevor said.

            “No!” Erik said.  “Don’t you dare.”

            “I hope you changed the sheets,” Chris said.

            Erik hesitated.  “I should have thought of that.”

            Howie turned off the TV, then looked right at JC, running his hand over JC’s arm.  “What do you think?”

            What was he supposed to think?  That Howie was amazingly seductive?  That Erik had given in with suspicious ease?  That Howie and the other Boys were disturbingly comfortable with watching their best friends star in pornography?  That he wanted Howie, that he was ashamed, that he was confused, that he was incredibly intimidated?

            “I was…surprised,” he admitted, licking his lips, looking at the now wonderfully dark TV screen to avoid Howie’s eyes.  He didn’t want to sound stupid, but he wanted to know, “Why didn’t you go for it?”

            “I didn’t want him to be able to blame the situation,” Howie said.  “I want Erik to have to admit, to me, to himself, what he’s really doing.  If he can say that it was just the mood, just the alcohol, just role-playing, then I haven’t won anything.”

            “You want him to have that response to you, sober,” Kevin said.

            “I want him to ask me for it,” Howie said.

            “That might take a while,” Brian said.  “I know you’re patient, but if he scares himself and closes his legs again, you might not get them back open.”

            “Howie can do it,” AJ said.  “You just need a strategy.”

            JC still didn’t understand.  “Why did Erik give in?”

            “Behold the power of Howie,” AJ said.

            “I gave him a situation where he could give in,” Howie said.  “I gave him safe circumstances where he could try out the idea without committing to it.  I wanted him to have a chance to…get a taste of it.”

            “The alcohol, the role-playing, it gave him an excuse,” Kevin said.

            “So you deliberately set him up to be comfortable for it, but then didn’t push it as far as you could have,” JC said.  He hesitated, going over it in his mind.  “You could have just done it and let him deal with the consequences.”

            “It’s better if he asks for it,” Brian said.

            “We have to make him commit to us,” Howie said.  “If Erik can say that we tricked him into it, that we took advantage of him, that won’t work.  This has to be him, his decisions, his choices.”

            “He has to dig his own grave,” Kevin said.

            The imagery disturbed JC.  “How do we make that happen?”

            “Maybe the next step should be yours, JC,” Brian said.

            “Absolutely,” AJ said.  “He’ll trust you.  You don’t want to fuck him, so he doesn’t have to protect himself from you.”

            “You want me to talk to him?” JC asked, looking from AJ to Howie.

            “More than talk,” Kevin said.

            “Get him started,” Nick said.  “A little lick, a little touch, get him used to it.”

            What?  A little - - he didn’t want to-

            “You can break him in for Howie,” Brian said.

            No, no, he wasn’t-

            “He will trust you,” Howie said.

            “He has to be dying to talk about this to someone,” Nick said.  “He can’t talk to his friends about it.  That leaves the two of you.”

            “If you find a way to get him to talk to you about it, that gives you the opening you need,” Kevin said.

            “All you have to do is convince him to experiment with you,” Brian said.

            “Tell him that if he liked it, even a little, with me, then it’s something that he should explore,” Howie said.  “Make him feel safe, promise that you won’t push it.”

            He had to rim Erik?  “What if he doesn’t go for it?”

            “He will,” AJ said.

            “I’m sure that you can be very,” Kevin smiled, “convincing.”

            He hadn’t forgotten about Dan.

            He hadn’t.

            He’d just…

            He’d been consumed by Kevin.  Because that was what Kevin did: consumed.  Consumed.  Warped.  Twisted.  Devastated.

            Kevin had come for him, and that had overwhelmed everything else in his life.  Nothing else had mattered.  Nothing else had existed.

            But if he could lose sight of Dan that easily, what did that say about him?  That he was weak?  That he was fickle?  That he’d never really cared in the first place?

            But he had.  He did.  It was Dan.  Dan was solid.  Dan was real.  Dan made him smile.  Dan made him feel human.  Dan loved him.

            Dan wouldn’t just forget about him.  Dan wouldn’t be distracted by something else.  Dan wouldn’t be overwhelmed by something else.  Dan didn’t get overwhelmed.

            Dan loved him.  Dan wanted to help him.  Dan was probably going crazy wanting to come to him, and what was he doing?  Forgetting.

            Or…  What if Dan wasn’t thinking about him?

            He wasn’t worth thinking about.  He wasn’t worth caring about.  No one who really knew him would ever give a shit about him.  He wasn’t-

            No.  No, no.  Dan cared.  Dan was strong.  Dan loved him.  Dan wouldn’t forget.  Dan wouldn’t abandon him.

            He’d abandoned Dan.  He’d let AJ tear them apart.  He’d let everything come between them.  He hadn’t fought for Dan.  What if Dan thought that he didn’t care?  What if Dan decided that it wasn’t worth trying to help him now that he’d run back to AJ?

            He had to let Dan know that he did care.  He had to talk to Dan.  He had to explain.  He’d hurt Dan and he’d abandoned Dan and after all that that Dan had done for him, he’d ruined everything.  But he still needed Dan.  He still needed to be supported and strengthened.  He still needed to smile.

            Chris dealt the cards.

            “Chris,” Lance said.  No response.  “Chris!”  Nothing.  He grabbed Chris’s wrist; Chris stopped in mid-deal and looked at him, startled.  “You’re dealing away the whole deck,” Lance explained.  “What are we playing?”

            Chris looked down.  He only had one card left; he carefully handed it to Trevor, then slipped his wrist free and sat back.  “It’s a new game,” he finally said.

            “Which new game?” Lance asked.

            “The one with…  This one,” Chris said, and threw his first card at Lance.

            “What the hell kind of game is that?” Lance asked, throwing his card at Chris in return.

            Chris grinned, throwing another card at Lance and smacking Trevor in the face with one.  “The kind I always win.”

            Cards were scattered everywhere and Trevor was squirming away while Chris pinned down Lance when they heard, “Having fun?”

            Lance’s flesh crawled at the sound of Jacob’s voice.  Sitting up, he dumped Chris off of his lap and - - what the fuck?  Jacob was coming into the pool area from the main house, not from the guest house, and was carrying a cup from a burger joint.

            “Where the hell did you come from?” Trevor asked before Lance could get to it.

            “The Big Grill.”  Jacob’s gaze lingered on Lance with thinly veiled contempt before moving on to Chris.  “Looks like you’re enjoying yourself.  Don’t fall in.”

            “We’re playing cards,” Chris said.

            Jacob smiled.  “I could tell.”  Lance felt his jaw clench.  “Who’s winning?”

            “Not me,” Trevor said, fishing a card from the pool again.

            “You want to play?” Chris asked Jacob.

            “No, thanks.  I have something I want to work on.”

            “Okay.”  Chris gathered together a few cards as Jacob opened the door to his room.  “Hey.  How’d you get out of there?  We thought you were still in there.”

            “I went out through the window,” Jacob said.

            “The window?” Lance repeated.  Who the hell left a house through a window?

            “The window,” Jacob said again, like Lance was an idiot.

            “The door didn’t work?” Lance asked.

            “We’ve used the window before,” Trevor said.  “Usually when we’re messing around and stuff.  Chasing each other around or hiding from each other.  Jacob can get through it better than the rest of us can.”

            Lance smiled at Jacob.  “I’m sure you can.”  It probably helped to have the body of a twelve-year-old.  “And who were you hiding from today?”

            “No one,” Jacob said.  “Have fun playing cards.”  He went into his room and shut the door.

            “Can you get in through that window, too?” Chris asked.

            “If it’s unlocked,” Trevor said.  “We used to sneak in when he was asleep.  The screen’s really easy to push out.  But we freaked him out too many times and he started locking it.”

            “We should try that sometime,” Chris said.  “It sounds like fun.”

            Yes.  Lance smiled.  It certainly did.

            Hey!  “Give me that,” Joey said, taking the phone from Justin.  “Who were you calling?”

            “Did you just snatch the phone out of my hand?” Justin asked incredulously.

            “AJ would kill me if you made the wrong call.”

            “This is my phone in my house,” Justin said.  “I can call anyone I want.”

            “Who were you calling?” Joey asked.  Kevin, again?

            “Dan,” Justin admitted.  “Come on, one time,” he said, rubbing his wrist.  “I just want to say hi.  I just want to check in and make sure he’s okay.”

            “Would AJ let you call Dan?”

            “Of course he wouldn’t,” Justin said.  “But AJ doesn’t run my life.  I just want to make one call, one time.  No one has to know.”  His movements were restless, his gaze in and out of focus.

Joey tried to come up with a solution to the problem; he kept talking, to keep Justin busy.  “You didn’t even give Dan a second thought until Ashley brought him up.  You can skip a call.”

            “I didn’t think about you, either,” Justin said.  “Kevin took over my whole brain and I couldn’t think of anything else.  That doesn’t mean that you mean shit to me, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about Dan.”  He rubbed at his wrist harder, seemingly unaware that he was frowning with the effort.

            Getting Justin’s aggression out physically, through wrestling and pretend fighting, had worked, before.  Joey was alone this time, without the other guys around, but it was worth a shot.  “You can’t have this phone,” Joey said.  “You can’t call Dan from any phone.  If you have a problem with that, talk to AJ.”

            “You don’t care if I talk to Dan or not,” Justin said.  “You’re just trying to kiss AJ’s ass.”

            “It’s a mighty hot ass,” Joey said.  “So you want to call Dan?  You want this phone?  You want it?” he asked, taking a step back, bracing himself.  “Come and get it.”

            All of them in one kitchen, some of them sitting at the table, some of them moving around the room; it felt familiar, but even that familiarity couldn’t relax JC.  He was on edge from desire, from Howie’s nearness, from Nick’s presence, from his own need to measure up.

            He was at the table with Howie and Kevin.  JC was almost as tall as Kevin was, yet there was something about the casual confidence in Kevin’s strong build, something about the breadth of Kevin’s shoulders, the silent power at Kevin’s core, that made him feel small in comparison.

            The three of them snacked on fruit and a plate of lemon squares.  Brian and Nick wrestled over a bottle of water, grunting and laughing and knocking around, until the top suddenly twisted off and Nick took advantage of the moment to pour the water over Brian.  Dripping, sputtering, Brian admitted defeat and left the room.

            Triumphant, Nick found another bottle and sat at the table.  His face was flushed from the exertion of fighting Brian; JC was stunned by his beauty and felt a physical yearning to be close to him again.  He envied Brian, envied all four of them, for having such an assumed role in Nick’s life.

            “We should tape more shit,” AJ said, bringing a plate to the table, sitting in the last empty seat.  “I got a real sense of Erik out of that tape.  You could have told us that you acted like you were going to fuck him and he would have let you, but that wouldn’t have given us enough material to work with.”

            “I got a lot from it,” Nick said.  “First of all, I wouldn’t fuck him if you paid me.”  He paused to take a drink, then plucked a grape.  “Second, he’s not a baby about shit.  He didn’t act stupid, he didn’t ask a lot of questions, he didn’t give you trouble.  He went along with what you were doing, and whenever he wasn’t sure about something, he waited and watched and figured it out.”

            JC hadn’t realized it, but Nick was right.  “He didn’t start in with a lot of questions about what you were doing, or what you had planned, or what was in the cups, or anything.”

            “He’s very self-contained in a lot of ways,” Kevin said.  “He’s older than the others, but it’s not just that.  I think that he’s also learned more from life than they have.”

            “Angel doesn’t like to learn,” Nick said.

            “There’s a lot of emotion on Ashley’s face and in Trevor’s eyes,” Kevin said.  “They don’t hide what they’re feeling well.  Erik puts up a wall.”

            “It’s getting easier to break that down,” JC said.  “He really opened up to me today.”

            “About what?” Howie asked, immediately curious.

            Shit.  JC didn’t want to get into this.  He didn’t want to think about…  He took a slow, deep breath.  “About how he felt after…”  He couldn’t say it; he glanced at AJ.

            “Yeah?” AJ asked, passing a handful of grapes to Nick.  “What’d he say?”

            Casual, how could AJ be this casual about something this serious?  “He tried not to say anything, at first.  But I got him to talk to me, I wouldn’t let him drop it.  He told me what happened, and he tried to say it like it was any other story, like it wasn’t a big deal.  But he couldn’t hide how much it got to him.  He was scared, he was very afraid.”

            “Good,” AJ said.  “Then he got my message.”

            JC had to be careful about what he said now.  “The message came through loud and clear.  You said some terrible things to him, and I’m impressed by how creative you were.  But what you did was very dangerous.”

            “The pool?” AJ asked.  “Why?”

            It was hard to keep going.  “Because he could have drowned,” JC said, the hand in his lap under the table curling into a nervous fist.

            “I wasn’t going to kill him,” AJ said.  “He’s fine.  He wasn’t in any danger, JC.  The point was to make him think that he was in danger, not to put him in danger.  I threatened him, I scared him, but I didn’t hurt him.”

            Didn’t hurt him?  “I know that you wouldn’t have killed him, but-”

            “The whole situation was under control,” AJ said, directly meeting his eyes.  “I calculated every move.  I knew what I was doing.  This isn’t a free-for-all.  He was scared, so he thought that he was in danger.  I was in control, and I knew that he wasn’t in danger.  He thought that he couldn’t come up for air, and he was panicking, but I had a clear head.”

            “There are limits to how far anything goes,” Howie said.  “If Erik had been under for too long, or hit his head against the side of the pool, or been in any real danger, AJ immediately would have changed tactics, or left, or gotten him help.”

            “AJ wouldn’t have entered a scene like that if he couldn’t have controlled it,” Kevin said.  “There were too many variables.  He had to keep a tight leash.”

            “And that by itself kept Erik safe,” Nick said.

            Safe?  Drowning wasn’t safe.

            But Erik hadn’t drowned.  He’d been scared, panicking, splashing around - - of course he’d felt like he was in mortal danger.  He’d thought that he was dying at the hands of a madman.  He had no idea that AJ was carefully calculating every move and had no intention of causing real damage.

            “I’m impressed that you got Erik to talk to you,” Howie said.  “He wouldn’t tell me all of it.”

            “AJ’s your best friend,” Nick said.  “He knows where you’re most loyal.  He - - hey!  Hey!  Shit!”  Bringing up his hands in self-defense, Nick ducked as Brian squirted him.  Grinning, laughing, Brian sprayed Nick with the contents of a spritz bottle.

            “Hey,” Kevin said.  “Where’d you get that?  I was looking for it.”

            “Under the sink.”  Brian ruffled Nick’s hair, spraying him in the face a few more times, then came around the table to open the fridge.  “I was thinking about Erik.”

            “What about him?” AJ asked as Nick wiped water from his face.

            “He wants to be JC,” Brian said, opening a can of soda.  “He gave in because he’d give anything to be JC for you.”

            “Give anything including his ass?” AJ guessed.

            “Erik doesn’t want to be me,” JC said, surprised at this new theory.

            “No, no, I see it,” Nick said, running a now-damp hand over his hair.  “The whole night was building towards, you know, pushing him in that direction.  He wants to be the guy Howie treats that way and acts that way with.”

            “He doesn’t want to replace JC,” Kevin said.  “But he’s starting to see himself in that way.”

            “He wants to be on the receiving end of all of that…love,” AJ said.  “The love and the special treatment and the adoration.”

            “He’s been…  Not on the outside looking in, but he’s had a really good insider’s view of it,” Brian said.  “But last night he got the full thing, the real deal.  And I think that now that he’s gotten a taste of it, he’ll want more.”

            “He wants that for himself,” Nick said.  “Really himself, not as pretend-JC.”

            “That’s good,” Howie said, looking at JC and nodding.

            “It could turn on you,” Kevin said.  “If he takes this into his own hands and tries to figure out his own way to get what he wants, he could end up shifting positions and wanting to replace JC.”

            “You can guide him,” Howie told JC.

            “Teach him how to be me without replacing me?” JC asked.

            “You have to help him learn how to be one of us,” Howie said.  “He wants to be included.  Show him how to move in without pushing you out.”

            “It all ties in with breaking him in sexually,” AJ said.  “You’re grooming the next you.  You’re grooming him to be Howie’s lover, and your lover.”

            “Being included is about more than just sex,” Brian said.  “A lot of it’s about sex, but there are also certain attitudes.”

            “He wants it,” Nick said.  “He’ll take in anything you feed him.”

            “You can’t go too slowly with him or he’ll start putting up walls again,” Kevin said.  “You can’t go too fast, either, because he’ll resist it.  You have to find just the right pace.”

            “Shit,” AJ said, looking at his watch.  “I hate to break this up while we’re right in the middle of it, but I have to get back to Justin.”

            “Sweetness won’t let anything happen,” Nick said.

            “Sweetness doesn’t know how to keep Justin from spiraling into a meltdown,” AJ said, getting up.  “There are a few tricks of the trade that only Justin’s full-time sitters know.”  Stealing a sip of Brian’s soda, he added, “I wish I could put Danny Boy back in charge.  This is hell on my social life.”

            “You just had sex before you got here,” Kevin said.

            “Mmm.”  AJ grinned.  “Thanks for reminding me.”  He squeezed Nick’s shoulder.  “You mind if I-”

            “Do whatever you want, but who’s going to be watching Timberlake while you’re getting your freak on?” Nick asked.

            AJ hesitated, then scrutinized Nick.  “You-”

            “I’m not going to baby-sit your boyfriend while you fuck mine,” Nick said.  The word “fuck” from Nick’s mouth still made JC irrationally hot; the idea of Joey as Nick’s boyfriend made him angry.  But it was an anger that he couldn’t let himself maintain.

            “Rok?” AJ asked.

            “I want to go to the Townhouse to see Jacob and check on Chris,” Brian said.  “How long is this going to take?”

            “The sooner I’m in, the sooner I’m out,” AJ said.  “Let’s go.”  He kissed Howie’s temple.  “Bye, everybody.”

            “Bye,” Brian said, rounding the table.  He stopped right by JC’s chair and smiled.  “It was good to see you.”

            “Yeah, you, too,” JC said.

            “Have fun with Justin,” Nick said.

            “I’m sure he’s just fine,” Brian said.  “He just misses Dan, that’s all.”

            “Hell,” AJ said, walking with Brian from the room, “who wouldn’t?”

            “Looks like you have a lot of work ahead of you.”  Kevin looked right into JC.  “Do you think that you can handle it?”

            There was no judgment in Kevin’s expression, no sarcasm in his tone.  He was asking honestly.  In truth, JC was worried about the responsibility of dealing with these new tasks without the immediate back-up of having Howie present, but he’d taken on a lot of huge tasks in life, and he’d never backed down before.  “It could be a challenge,” he admitted.  “But I’ll get it done.”

            “JC is great with Erik,” Howie said.  “He always knows just what to say.”

            JC laughed, surprised.  “That’s exactly what I would’ve said about you.”

            Howie smiled at him.  “Maybe that’s why we work so well together.”

            Blushing, JC couldn’t look in Nick’s direction.

            “We’d better go,” Howie said.  “I have to get home so Erik can tell me how much you liked the flowers.”

            He didn’t want to leave Nick.  He’d barely gotten to appreciate this time with Nick; he’d been too preoccupied with Howie and the tape and everything else.

            “Flowers,” Kevin said.  JC watched his gaze drift as his thoughts went somewhere else.

            “What about flowers?” Nick asked.

            “Nothing,” Kevin said, coming back to the moment.  “Something for the future, maybe.”

            “We’ll see you later,” Howie said, getting up.

            “It was good to see you,” Kevin said.  His smile wasn’t as warm as Brian’s, but his eyes were friendly.

            “You, too,” JC said.

            Nick smiled at him, a smile that owned JC all the way through.  “Bye, baby.”

            JC smiled back, love pulsing inside.  He couldn’t bring himself to say good-bye.

Continue on to part sixty-five

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