Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-December 23, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
JC had to talk to Howie. He also wanted to talk to AJ. What AJ’d done to Erik was completely out of line. That kind of vicious assault - - it brought up too many things he didn’t even want to think about.
Fortunately, something shiny caught his attention. Sapphires glittered on Erik’s wrist, and JC knew that they could only have come from one place. “Where’d you get this?” he asked Erik with a knowing smile, running quick fingers over the bracelet.
“From Howie.” Erik seemed to like the way JC was stroking his wrist. “I’m telling everybody else that I bought it myself. So they don’t…think anything.”
“It’s gorgeous.”
Erik grinned. “You want it?”
“What? No!” He hadn’t expected that question. “I’m not going to take a gift from Howie away from you,” JC said, laughing. “Besides, I have enough of my own.”
Erik looked around the room, considering the many bouquets. “What are you going to do with all of these flowers?”
“I’ll find somewhere to put them.” His phone beeped. “Hold on, honey.” JC answered. “Hello?”
“JC, this is Kevin.”
Whoa. “Hi,” JC said. He tried to imagine why Kevin would need to call. Maybe something was wrong with Chris? Or with Justin? But Kevin’s voice sounded too friendly for that. “Is everything all right?”
“We’re having a group meeting, and Howie would like to come pick you up in about an hour. Is that all right?”
“I’m right in the middle of something, but I
should be able to get ready in time.”
“He didn’t want to call while Erik was with you, so he asked me to
let you know.”
“I appreciate it,” JC said. “Tell him that’s
fine.”
“All right. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” JC said. He hung up. A group meeting. He wasn’t used to going to a “group meeting” that didn’t include Justin, Lance, Joey, and Chris. Howie would be at this group meeting. And Nick. And AJ. And Kevin. And Brian.
He wanted to talk to AJ. He really wanted to talk to Howie. He had to change clothes if he was going to see Nick.
“Are you okay?” Erik asked, catching his hand before he’d even realized that he was touching his hair.
Erik’s look of amused concern made him wonder what expression he’d had on his own face. “I’m fine, honey, I just - - I have to be somewhere, later, and I forgot about it.”
“Okay.” Erik gradually released his hand, like Erik would really rather be touching him. “Should I go?”
“No, we have a few minutes.” He’d wanted to play this game, and playing the game meant having sex with Erik. He couldn’t let anyone accuse him of not playing the game well. He wouldn’t let them find him lacking. He wasn’t going to show up to their group meeting like a wannabe pretending he had what it took.
He refused to let them look at him and see Ashley. He was better than that, and they’d know it.
“Before you go…” He gave Erik a warm, personal, suggestive smile, sliding his hand up Erik’s thigh. “There’s something I’d like you to give Howie for me.”
While Justin rescued his scattered shoes, Joey hung up clothes. “I don’t want to give you more problems to think about, but you might need to know. Chris drove over to Brian’s house today, and Brian wouldn’t let him in. On the way back home, he threw up and passed out. He pulled over to the side of the road first, but-”
“Shit! What happened?” Justin asked, shocked. “Is he okay?”
“Lance is spending the day with him. He says he’s okay. He says it was just some bad milk, but-”
“Bullshit,” Justin said. “That’s not bad milk, that’s Brian.”
“He might need a break from the game.”
“Hell, we all need a break from the game,” Justin said. “He won’t take a break, though. Not if it means time away from Brian.”
“We can talk to him about it. Kevin can’t be too excited about the idea of that happening in front of Trevor.”
A quick shine glittered in Justin’s eyes. “Guess what?”
“What?” Joey asked, already smiling as Justin’s happiness bubbled forth again. Justin’s mood swings were somewhat frightening, but it was still good to see Justin happy.
“I saw Kevin.”
Uh-oh. “Where?”
“He came for me.” Justin’s smile was brilliant. “He came for me at AJ’s house. He took me away with him and we made love.”
Oh, god. “Justin,” Joey said carefully, trying not to show fear. This could be serious. If Justin had lost contact with reality-
“Don’t look at me like that,” Justin said, laughing. “It happened, I swear. You can ask AJ. Kevin came for me. Yesterday, it was just yesterday. He took me to a house, a nice little house in the suburbs, and he made love to me for hours. Over and over and over again. I made him dinner.”
“You made him dinner?” The suburbs? They’d made love; what did that mean? Was it simply sex? Had Kevin caressed Justin lovingly? Had Kevin whipped Justin and called him names?
“He…” Justin blushed red. “He brought me clothes. He told me not to come and I didn’t, I held it back just like I learned, and then-”
“Is this what has you so happy?” Joey asked. “Kevin? That’s why you were giddy downstairs?”
“It’s Kevin!” Justin said, excited. “It was fantastic, he fucked me and fucked me and fucked me all over the house, in the living room and in the kitchen and-”
“I can’t believe he’s messing with you again.”
Justin faltered. “He came for me,” he said again, wanting Joey to understand.
“He’s fucking with you,” Joey said harshly. “Doesn’t he have enough to do? Can’t he just concentrate on fucking up Trevor? Why can’t he leave you the hell alone?”
“I love him,” Justin said. “I love Kevin. I’ve been so good-”
“He doesn’t care how good you are,” Joey snapped. “He doesn’t give a fuck about you, Justin, he just cares about how many ways he can control you. He dropped you, remember that? Remember when you were broken down from him not wanting you anymore? And now he’s magically showing up, whisking you off for marathon fucking sessions?”
“I love him!”
“You say you care about Dan, too, but it looks like you forgot all about him the second Kevin showed up. So what makes Kevin so damned great?” Shit! “Is that what this is about? Is that why Kevin just happened to show up now? Dan’s out of your life but suddenly Kevin’s back, do you think that’s a coincidence? They’re playing you, Justin, they’re fucking around with your head. They knew you’d fall apart without Dan, so Kevin came in to take over so you’d keep it together.”
“You don’t know shit about Kevin!” Justin snapped. “You don’t know anything about my relationship with him. You don’t know shit about Dan, either, and you have no idea how I feel about him.”
“I know Kevin only shows up to break you,” Joey said. “I know you don’t care about Dan unless someone reminds you that you’re supposed to.”
“And who the hell do you care about?” Justin demanded. “AJ? I know you don’t care about Ashley, you treat him like shit. You’re turning him into the whore I became for Kevin, and you still think you’re different? You think you’re better? Because you call him ‘pretty’ instead of ‘cunt?’ It means the same damned thing, Joey, because it comes from the same damned place.”
The closet door opened. “What’s wrong?” AJ asked Justin, like Joey wasn’t there.
“I need Dan,” Justin said, which was not what Joey had expected to hear.
“You can’t have Dan,” AJ said. “You want to go dancing?”
“Can I get my bracelet back? I want-”
“Now you’re just asking stupid questions.” AJ kissed him. “I have to go soon, and I won’t be back for a few hours. You want to get in a quick dance before I go?”
“No.” Justin crossed his arms over his chest, wincing like it hurt. “Where are you going?”
“Backstreet business.” AJ looked at Joey, finally acknowledging that he was there, too. “Can you stay with him? I’m not leaving him alone.”
“I’ll be fine by myself,” Justin muttered, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“Yeah,” Joey said. He couldn’t say no to AJ. “I’ll get rid of Ashley.”
“Good.” AJ kissed beside Justin’s eyebrow. “Go wash your face.” Justin left the closet. AJ kicked aside a pile of jeans and stepped over to Joey. “It’s okay if you upset him. He has to learn to toughen up. But don’t go too far.”
“I didn’t mean to-”
“He’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” AJ glanced at the door. “He gets no contact with Dan. No phone calls. No visits. I’m trusting you to stick to that. Justin’s too emotional to make a good judgment call.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Good.” AJ smiled. “You look good today, Joe.” Sexual interest crept into AJ’s gaze; black-painted fingernails ran down Joey’s chest. “Real good.”
“So do you.” Joey’s body reacted predictably to AJ’s nearness, arousal shimmering through him at AJ’s touch.
“I wouldn’t mind staying here, under you, for a few hours.” There was heat in AJ’s eyes, heat in his caress. “Justin’s learning how to take it but he still can’t give it. You always give it,” soft hiss, “just right.”
“I’m ready to give it whenever you want it,” Joey said, trying not to sound incredibly desperate but feeling that way. He wanted AJ, and AJ wanted him - - if AJ wanted him, how could he not do everything he could to make it happen? “I’m ready for anything you want.” He slid his hands over AJ’s waist, bringing AJ against his body, against his arousal.
A low growl; Joey’s dick jerked at the sound. Blunt nails dug into his chest as AJ’s head tipped back in invitation. Responding immediately, Joey lowered his head, kissing over AJ’s neck, sucking. At the drag of his teeth, AJ moaned, grinding against him, hardening. “Your baby girl’s right downstairs,” AJ whispered, hands rubbing over his chest and arms and back in lust and agitation, like his shirt was in the way. “She won’t like this.”
“Fuck Ashley,” Joey said, leaving a tender bite. Sliding both hands over AJ’s ass, he gripped the backs of AJ’s thighs, lifting. With a rich moan, AJ wrapped tattooed arms around his shoulders, kissing him hungrily.
“Fuck me fast,” AJ panted, kissing him, nipping at him, hard against him. “I don’t,” low groan, “want to be late.”
Groaning, Erik sucked at the head of JC’s dick, squeezing the shaft. Naked on his back on JC’s coffee table, surrounded by flowers, he moaned, struggling to keep his rhythm as JC swallowed his erection.
After doing his best to cover up any signs that he’d been crying, Justin went back downstairs, grateful for the loud music’s ability to disguise any sex sounds from above. Ashley was sitting on the floor, looking at Justin and AJ’s CD’s.
“Hey,” Justin said. He’d never really cared about Ashley; he’d been too wrapped up in his own problems. Considering what those problems were, he didn’t know how he could have been expected to give much thought to Ashley, of all people. But Ashley was nice, and extremely well-meaning, and in love enough with Joey to put up with a lot of shit. Maybe that made Ashley weak, since any self-respecting person would have left Joey long ago. But Ashley was someone in love, someone whose love was being manipulated and used against him, and Justin had been there one too many times not to feel a sense of empathy. “You want something to eat?”
“Uh… Sure,” Ashley said, glancing overhead. No matter how curious he got about what Joey was doing upstairs alone with AJ, the idea of what was really going on probably wouldn’t occur to him, so Justin figured they were safe.
“Come on.” Justin led the way to the kitchen. “How are things at the Townhouse?”
“They’re okay. We had a pretty good rehearsal this morning.”
“Yeah?” Justin got out sandwich materials. “I like your new moves for ‘Favorite Girl.’”
“Really?” Ashley seemed pleased. “Thanks. JC’s remix was so awesome, we had to change some of the choreography to match it. He did a great job.”
“JC’s like that. You want mayonnaise?”
“Mustard,” Ashley said. “I’m glad things are going better for you.”
“Thanks.” Justin wondered how to say what he wanted to say. He rotated the knife a few times, then met Ashley’s eyes. “Can I give you some advice you don’t want?”
“Sure,” Ashley said with a smile that almost reached his eyes. “Everyone else has told me what to do with my life. I guess I can take it from one more person.”
“I’m not going to tell you to stay away from Joey,” Justin said.
“You’re not?” Ashley seemed honestly surprised.
“I’ve been in a lot of different situations in my life. Some of them might surprise you. And I’ve seen other people in…other situations.” It was a struggle to make this point coherently without telling too much. “It’s okay if you’re in love with Joey. It’s good to love people. Even if other people don’t understand that love, it’s still okay to do it. But it’s not a healthy thing if it gets to the point where the person you love dictates everything else about you.”
Ashley frowned. “I-”
“I’m not saying that’s where things are right
now,” Justin said. “Just take this as general life advice.”
“Okay,” Ashley said, willing to listen.
“You have to make or break your own happiness. You have to be the one who decides how you feel about yourself. You can’t let it ever get to the point where every day someone else decides whether you have a good day or a bad day. It has to be up to you. It’s okay for other people to make you laugh or cry, that’s normal. I’m talking about…on a larger scale. Who you are is up to you. It’s not for anyone else to decide.”
Ashley looked away. His cheeks were red, but they generally had a pink tinge, anyway. “I love Joey,” he said. He met Justin’s eyes again. “I love the guys, too.”
“I know.” He did. Justin wondered why he’d just given Ashley advice. Maybe because Ashley was even more innocent than he’d once been. Maybe because Ashley was younger than he was. Maybe because he had to make some attempt to help someone, to relieve his own burden of guilt.
“A lot of things have changed lately. Sometimes I get confused about who I am and why I’m doing what I’m doing. I’ve done things that I know are wrong, and I’ve done things that I think are right that everyone else thinks are wrong. I don’t have anyone to talk to, because everyone wants to tell me what to do when I’m just trying to figure out how to feel.”
Justin swallowed. “I know what you mean.”
“I don’t know if anyone really sees who I am right now. Everyone keeps looking at me and seeing parts of me without seeing the whole me that I think I’ve become.” Ashley hesitated. “There’s one person, maybe, sometimes, sometimes I think he really does see me.”
“Everyone who looks at me sees something different,” Justin said. “It’s hard to know who’s right. Maybe they’re all partly right.”
“Do you…” Ashley didn’t seem sure that he really wanted to ask. “Do you know a lot about Nick?”
“Nick?” Justin asked. “I know some things about him.” He knew things about the way Nick made JC laugh. The way Nick made JC happy. The way Nick made JC cry. The way Nick made JC glow. Nick had made JC feel not just good about himself, but wonderful about himself. Nick had made JC feel as beautiful and special and unique as he was. It was heartbreaking, the way Nick had ripped that away from him; but Justin was still glad for JC that he’d had the chance to feel that way.
“Do you…like him?”
How was he supposed to answer that? “AJ loves him, so yeah. I like him.” Kevin loved Nick. JC loved Nick. If that wasn’t a recommendation, what was? Sometimes Justin envied the way Kevin loved Nick. Kevin was protective of Nick. Maybe if the other guys had been more protective of Justin, all of this wouldn’t have happened to him. But that wasn’t fair. He couldn’t blame them. After all, he hadn’t protected any one of them.
“AJ seems… Dan said he thinks he’s a jungle cat.”
Justin laughed, surprised. “I think Dan’s right.”
“I’ve never actually heard anyone make those noises before.”
Justin felt himself smile. “I got used to them. Sometimes I think he doesn’t even know he’s making them. He only does it when he’s feeling intense.”
“You guys seem happy.”
“We are. We’re very happy.” Justin tried to decide what to say next. He was dying to ask Ashley about Dan, but he couldn’t afford to act too interested, in case it got back to Dan and Dan decided to make a move. He couldn’t risk it. He settled for, “I miss Dan, and you can tell him that. But AJ’s still sensitive about my friendship with Dan, and I respect that. So I think it’s still a good idea for Dan not to try to call me or visit. But you can tell him, if he asks, that I’m happy, and AJ’s treating me very well. I don’t want him to worry about me.” He really didn’t want Dan to worry about him. It would be best, for Dan’s sake, for Dan to forget all about him. But the selfish, needy part of Justin wanted to remain the center of Dan’s life. One more reason to be disgusted with himself.
“Okay.” Ashley nodded, sincere in his agreement. “I’ll tell him.”
Justin studied Ashley. He’d never looked at another guy before Kevin; and even then, he’d been so consumed by Kevin, he’d still never considered other men. But then he’d been forced to consider AJ sexually, and then he’d grown close to Dan. He knew, intellectually, that Ashley was attractive, but he’d never really looked before. He looked at Ashley now, wondering. He’d vaguely noticed Ashley’s strong jaw, because it brought Kevin associations, but…
“What?” Ashley asked, curious.
“They’re right. You really are pretty,” Justin said. Damn, that sucked for JC.
Blushing red, Ashley laughed. “Justin Timberlake just called me pretty.”
Justin smiled. He wasn’t having a sexual response to Ashley, exactly, but he enjoyed looking. He wondered if he could touch. Experimentation with someone he wasn’t completely emotionally confused about would probably help him to figure out if he was bi or not. He was drawn to Dan, but, hell, he was psychologically dependent on Dan. He was weirdly connected to AJ, but AJ held a frightening amount of power over his life.
At least JC and Lance had been familiar with their homosexuality before Nick and Howie had shown up. Joey didn’t seem that concerned about the subject, but Chris understood Justin’s confusion.
Justin wondered how many of the O-Town guys had a similar problem. “You were never with a guy before Joey, were you?”
“No,” Ashley said.
“But you knew you were gay.”
Ashley turned red again. “I knew.”
“The rest of the guys… I’ve heard so many rumors about who’s breaking up who else’s relationship, I don’t even know anymore. I know Dan’s straight.”
“Erik’s straight,” Ashley said. “Trevor’s bi. He was never with anyone before Chris, though.”
“It must be…exciting,” Justin said, trying to
sound like he knew what he was talking about, since he was supposed to be bi
himself. “To finally be able to express that.”
“Yeah. I know Trevor’s really happy. I mean, he’s happy with Chris
anyway, he’s totally in love, but he’s also happy that he can experience…men.
And I’m, I don’t know, it’s like this whole world opened up to me. I’m feeling
so many things I’ve never felt before. I had to deny it and repress it for so
long, and now it’s right there for me.”
“Why was Joey the one?” Justin asked.
Ashley gave the question some thought. “I think it was a lot of things. One of the main factors is probably that I was just ready for it. It was past time, and my hormones couldn’t wait any longer. And I think that it was Joey because… Joey’s someone I fell in love with. I’d already been waiting so long and playing straight for so long that it was habit to pretend that guys didn’t have that effect on me, but my connection to Joey was so strong that I couldn’t hide it. I wouldn’t have that response to someone I wasn’t going to fall in love with.”
Justin nodded. That seemed reasonable.
“And Joey has a very strong…a strong sexual pull,” Ashley said.
Grinning, Justin said, “A lot of girls would agree with you.”
“He gives off that vibe,” Ashley said. “I couldn’t ignore it. He’s like a magnet.”
“He’s worked hard on it.”
Ashley smiled. “I can tell.”
“Damn.” Looking slightly dazed, Erik grinned broadly. “I should bring you things more often. Anything else you want to thank Howie for?”
JC made himself laugh, straightening and pushing Erik’s legs out of the way, taking a seat on the table as Erik sat up. “I think that was enough for now, honey.” Stroking Erik’s cheek, he gave Erik a kiss. “I have to go get ready now.”
“Oh. Okay.” Aware that he’d just been dismissed, Erik got up, getting dressed. “I knew you’d look good in that necklace.”
At the moment, he wasn’t wearing much else. “Thank you, honey. I do love the flowers. This was really,” he pretended to be searching for the appropriate word, “generous of Howie. I didn’t expect anything like this.”
“He loves you,” Erik said. Clothed, he ran his fingers through JC’s hair, gently smoothing it back from JC’s face. “He really misses you. A lot more than I think you know.”
“I miss him, too.” He did. He caught Erik’s hand, lowering it from his hair. “Give him a kiss for me.”
Bending down, Erik kissed him. Softly. Tenderly. Almost chastely. “He loves you,” Erik whispered again.
JC opened his eyes slowly, wondering. That had sounded a little too…personal.
Erik smiled, released his hand, and left.
Sprawled on his back across Kevin’s bed, Nick shifted comfortably as Brian stroked his stomach. “I wonder how Joey’s doing.”
“It’s an interesting situation,” Brian said, circling Nick’s navel. “He has to balance his loyalty to Justin, his commitment to the game, and his need for AJ.”
“I know which I’d choose,” Kevin said, pulling on a clean shirt.
“You look nice,” Brian said, watching.
“He’s dressing up for JC,” Nick said with a grin.
Brian smiled. “And here I thought he just wanted to look good for us.”
“You know I live only for you,” Kevin said, fastening his belt.
Brian caressed Nick’s skin. “I wonder what Jacob’s wearing.”
“I don’t,” Nick said, yawning. “He wears the same thing every day.”
“And he always looks so good,” Brian murmured, his gaze tracking his fingers’ path.
Kevin rolled his eyes. Nick snorted.
“My love,” Brian whispered. “Someday you’ll truly be mine.”
Justin
and Ashley were seated at the kitchen table, snacking, talking, when AJ came
in. “I have to go,” AJ said, holding out his hand to Justin. “Come say
good-bye to me.”
“You’ll come back soon, right?” Justin asked, taking his hand,
rising.
“As soon as I can,” AJ promised, drawing him close and kissing him. Considering where AJ had just been, Justin didn’t want to get too intimate, but he had to put on a convincing display for Ashley, and AJ’s skin attracted his hands. Moaning softly at the familiar press of AJ’s body, Justin surrendered to AJ’s kiss, letting AJ back him against the table.
Aroused despite himself, Justin realized that they might be going too far. He didn’t want to make out and get a hard-on in front of Ashley and possibly Joey. But, oh, AJ’s subtle undulations, the way AJ’s hips rolled against his, the way AJ’s hands were sliding over his body, sliding under his clothes… “Oh,” Justin moaned, arching obediently as AJ’s teeth caught his lower lip.
“I love you,” AJ whispered.
“I love you,” Justin breathed, kissing - - hey! Pulling back, he stared at AJ. Damn it, that wasn’t fair!
AJ grinned at him and gave him a tender kiss. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
No, no! He hadn’t meant it! That didn’t count! Yanking AJ back in, he kissed AJ again, harder this time, biting the skanky fucker. “I hate you,” he said with barely enough volume even for AJ to hear.
“Works for me,” AJ murmured, licking at him. “Bye, Justy.”
“Fuck you,” Justin muttered, letting go. AJ kissed him again and left. Damn it! He hadn’t even known what he was saying. He was so damned trained - - that hadn’t counted!
Arrogant, low-class fucker! God, he hated AJ.
“Damn,” Ashley said. “That was hot. Is that how you always say good-bye? I thought I should leave the room or clear the table or something.”
With a mental sigh, Justin began to clean up his dishes. “AJ and I have this…chemistry. Physical chemistry. Our bodies always respond to each other no matter what else is going on.”
“Talk about being made for each other.” Ashley helped him to carry plates to the kitchen.
“Yeah.” Justin hated AJ for that, too. “We’re all wrong for each other and totally perfect for each other at the same time.”
“You think you’re wrong for each other?” Ashley asked.
Oops. “Not wrong for each other,” Justin said. He thought fast, dropping a knife into the dishwasher. “But there’s such intensity between us, that when we fight, we fight harder than most other couples do. Some people see that as a flaw, how mad we get. When you fight as hard as you fuck, especially when you fuck as hard as AJ does… It can get ugly.”
“What do you fight about?” Ashley asked.
Justin shrugged. “Other people, mostly. We get jealous.”
“But you love each other so much… You know there’s nothing to get jealous about.”
“When you love someone this much, you get jealous of anyone who goes near him,” Justin said. “We’re both very possessive. I don’t like anyone who gets too much of his attention.”
“It looks like you two are getting along,” Joey said, strolling into the kitchen. He smiled at Ashley, avoiding Justin’s eyes.
“We’ve been talking about your amazing sexual prowess,” Justin said.
“It is legendary,” Joey admitted. “Pretty, I’m sorry, but I have to stay here and talk to Justin about something. It might take a while, so-”
“He can stay,” Justin said.
“He doesn’t want to stay here all day,” Joey said. “If we’re talking in private-”
“Let him stay,” Justin said.
“So his friends can bitch him out about how much time he spends with me?” Joey asked. “I’m not putting him through more of that than I have to.”
“Then go home and spend time with him there.”
“Justin, I have to talk to you,” Joey said.
“We can talk later.”
“It’s okay,” Ashley said. “I can go.”
Ashley was too nice. “You don’t have to go,” Justin told him.
“I’m sorry, pretty,” Joey said, and kissed him. “Can you take my truck? I’ll come back later to pick it up.” Another kiss.
“Sure,” Ashley said. That smile was almost real.
“It was good to see you,” Justin said. He wondered if it was easy for Joey to treat Ashley with no respect. It certainly came across as second nature.
“It was great talking to you,” Ashley said. That smile was real. Justin felt a little better. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” Justin said. Joey handed Ashley the keys and kissed him again, and Ashley said good-bye to Joey and left.
Joey rubbed his chin and met Justin’s eyes. “Sorry.”
“Joey, I don’t care if you have sex with AJ. I’m happy for you that you got to do it. I’m not thrilled that it was on my bed, but-”
“It was in the closet,” Joey said. “On the
floor.”
“Oh.” Sheets, he could change. Closet flooring, not as easily.
“You still haven’t fucked him?” Joey asked.
“I don’t fuck guys,” Justin said. He closed the dishwasher. “Don’t take this as criticism, but… I know that by the end of this, your goal is to fuck Ashley over. But at least for now, could you be a little nicer to him? A little more considerate?”
Joey frowned. “You feel bad for Ashley?”
“He’s a nice guy,” Justin said.
“Do you remember what he said about Lance?”
“Hell, I’ve said shit about Lance,” Justin said. “I’ve said shit
about all four of you at one point or another. You didn’t put out a hit on me
for it.”
“That’s not the same,” Joey said. “That’s not even close to the same.”
“I’m not telling you to drop the game,” Justin said. “I’m just asking you to be nice to him, while you still can. Give him that, before you take everything away.”
“He’s not you,” Joey said. “He’s not us. And the better I treat him now, the harder it’s going to be on him by the end. The higher I raise him up, the farther that drop will be.”
Justin slumped back against the fridge. Joey had a point.
“What were you guys talking about all of this time?”
“You, me, AJ, Nick, Dan.” Justin rubbed at one eye. “I wanted to ask him about Dan, I wanted to pump him for information, I wanted to use him to pass along messages. But I couldn’t risk doing too much. I can’t get caught, I can’t fuck up. There’s too much at stake. And the less Dan’s involved right now, the better.”
“You’re looking out for Dan and Ashley,” Joey said. “What about the rest of them?”
“I’m a hypocrite,” Justin said. “I want to help Dan. I don’t want bad things for Ashley. But I want Trevor dragged down to hell.” Grimacing, Justin rubbed his wrist. No bracelet; just skin, bone. “I stopped believing that I was a good person a long time ago. It shouldn’t still hurt to realize how bad I am.”
“You’re not a bad person,” Joey said.
“I’m not?” Justin asked. “Then what would you call it? You can come up with a lot of excuses and justifications, I’ve thought of a million, but I’m still a bad person. Right now, so are you. We all are.”
“You’d say that about Lance?” Joey asked. “You’d say that to JC? What about Chris?”
“I love you, Joey, I love all four of you. I’m in this with you. But I’m not going to pretend that we’re not wrong for this. You can look in the mirror and say, ‘Hey, I’m a good person!’ and then deliberately, maliciously break Ashley’s heart? Really? Why? Because it’s just Ashley, and he doesn’t matter? Who the hell does that make you, Joey? It doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you cruel and judgmental and above the whole rest of the fucking world.”
“It makes me a lot like the Boys,” Joey said.
“Well, hell,” Justin muttered, rubbing his forehead. “That’s pretty much the definition of them.”
“You’re not a bad person,” Joey said quietly, gathering him into a big, tight Joey hug. “You’re just a good person going through bad things.”
“So when this is over, we’ll go back to being good people?” Justin asked, holding onto him. “Is that going to make all of this okay?”
“No,” Joey said.
Justin closed his eyes. “I miss Dan. I really miss him and he’s not here and it hurts. I don’t know when Kevin’s going to come back for me and I’m scared that he won’t. All I have to count on every day is AJ, and that doesn’t make me feel safe.”
“Safe is the least thing AJ will ever make you feel.” Joey gave him a squeeze and let go. “For the next couple hours, you can count on me. What do you want to do?”
“I need to work out,” Justin said, sliding his hand over his stomach. “I want Kevin to like my body.”
Joey rotated his shoulder. “I should work out, too. Picking up AJ is harder than it used to be. I’m out of practice.”
“You pick him up?” Justin asked.
“He likes it.”
Enough said.
When Howie came into the house, JC was so relieved to see him, he immediately caught Howie in a close embrace. The feel of Howie’s body against his, Howie’s arms around him, Howie’s familiar scent - - he’d needed these reassurances, this support.
“You feel even better than I remembered.” Howie’s hands rubbed down his back, up his sides. “I’ve missed you.”
“Thank you for the flowers.” JC didn’t let go.
The familiar contours of Howie’s body beckoned his touch. “Thank you for the
necklace.”
“The note, did you get the note?” Howie asked, stroking his neck,
kissing his mouth.
JC couldn’t kiss Howie deep enough. “I loved it,” he promised, untucking Howie’s shirt and stroking up under it. This was the kind of body his lover should have. “Howie…”
“We can’t, we can’t,” Howie said breathlessly, kissing him passionately. “Not until Erik brings us back together.”
“We have to,” JC said. “He was just here, I had to suck his dick, it was horrible, you have to remind me what it’s like to get it right.”
“You want to trade horror stories?” Howie asked, kissing him between words, caressing his chest in a way that made his nipples hard, his dick harder. “I rimmed him last night.”
JC pulled back from their kiss, instinctively putting one hand to his mouth, wiping his lips. “You what?”
“Oh, thank you, JC, thank you, very much,”
Howie said, laughing. “I brushed my teeth this morning, it’s all right.”
“Sorry,” JC said, realizing. “Sorry, sorry,” he said again, kissing
Howie. “I didn’t - - you rimmed him?” The impact of it hit him; he stared.
“He let you?!”
“He loved it.” Howie winked. “I’m very good at what I do.”
“You’re… You’re extremely good,” JC admitted. Remembering that didn’t ease his arousal. “What happened? How did you get him to - - what goes on when I’m not around?”
“I’d love to tell you, but I don’t want to be late. I’ll explain it all at the meeting.”
The meeting, yes, yes, right. JC fixed his hair with both hands, then kissed Howie again. “It is so good to see you.”
“It’s always good to see you,” Howie said, kissing him again, slowly, fueling his desire. “You get more beautiful every day.”
JC had tried his damnedest not to notice it, but… He stroked Howie’s cheek, gazing. “So do you.”
Erik got home just as Joey’s truck pulled in behind him. Ashley got out, but Erik didn’t see Joey. “Nice wheels,” he said, as Ashley drew near the front door.
“It was awesome. I’ve never driven something with so much power,” Ashley said, and glanced back at the driveway. “Lance and Chris are still here?”
“Looks like it.” Ashley seemed disappointed. “Why?”
“I wanted to talk to Trevor.”
“You can borrow him for a minute. Chris lets him talk to other people.” Ashley probably didn’t want to try to talk to Erik, since he’d been an ass about it yesterday, but he might as well give it a shot. “What’d you want to talk to him about?”
Ashley hesitated. “It’s nothing.”
Erik raised his eyebrows. Ashley loved to share. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” Ashley said, shifting his weight. “It’s not important.”
Hunh. Well, okay. It probably was just more of the same old problems Ashley had been having with Joey, anyway. Erik saw Dan walking around from the side of the house. “Hey.” Two phones and a book? “What’ve you been up to?”
“Reading,” Dan said.
Erik made a surprised face. “I never would have guessed.”
“Oh, hey,” Ashley remembered, “I was just at Justin’s house and he wanted me to tell you something.”
“Justin?” Dan repeated, immediately alert. “You saw him? How is he? Is he all right? Was AJ there?”
“Justin’s great,” Ashley said. “He’s really happy, he answered the door like it was Christmas. He’s almost…aglow.”
“He’s happy?” Dan asked, like that made no sense.
“He said… He said that he misses you. He doesn’t think that you should try to call him or go over or anything right now, but he’s happy, and AJ’s treating him very well, and he doesn’t want you to worry about him.”
“He’s all right?” Dan asked. “He’s really okay?”
“He’s fine,” Ashley said. “I swear, he seemed happier and more…normal, today, than I’ve seen him.”
Eyebrows coming together, Dan frowned, looking away.
“He misses you,” Ashley said, wanting to help. “He said that he doesn’t want you to worry.”
“It sounds like he’s doing okay,” Erik said.
“We talked for a while,” Ashley said.
“AJ was there?” Dan asked.
“Yeah,” Ashley said. “At first he and AJ were kind of all over each other. But then AJ was upstairs and Justin talked to me alone and we had a good conversation.” He grinned at Erik. “Justin Timberlake thinks I’m pretty.”
“You hate being called pretty,” Erik said.
“I used to,” Ashley admitted. “Now I’m getting used to it.”
“Because of Big Daddy Joe?” Erik teased.
“Could you please not put your daddy issues on me?” Ashley asked. “Maybe you want a good spanking, but I’m not kinky like that.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting a little freaky in bed,” Erik said. He grinned. “You’re telling me Joey never smacks your ass?”
“That’s none of your business!” Ashley protested. “You sick lecherous pervert.” He shuddered. “I’m going inside.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, he does,” Erik said. “So you are into spanking? What else has he gotten you into?”
“Get away from me,” Ashley warned, hurrying into the house.
“Don’t tell me,” Erik said, following him. “Bondage! Am I right?”
During the drive over to Kevin’s house, JC thanked Howie for the flowers, and Howie took one hand off of the wheel to touch him, and he thanked Howie for the necklace, and Howie confessed to wanting him, and when they reached Kevin’s driveway they made out for a few minutes before managing to get out of the car.
It looked like everyone else had already arrived. As they approached the front door, Howie explained that last night, he and Erik had engaged in some role-playing. The evening of dinner and seduction sounded intriguing, and JC asked how Erik had responded to it.
“It went well,” Howie said. “I think that we’ve hit a real turning point. It seemed like a great opportunity, so I…” He held up a pair of videotapes.
“You taped it?” JC asked, surprised.
“A lot happened,” Howie said. “I wanted to go over it with you, because things with Erik are really changing and we have some real decisions to make. And I wanted to go over it with the guys, to get their opinions.”
“Okay,” JC said. That made sense. Nothing that AJ could have said would have communicated the true intensity of that moment with Dan; some things just had to be witnessed to be understood fully.
Howie rang the bell. “I wish that you could have been there.”
Before JC could reply, Kevin opened the door. “Hello, come in. AJ just got here, he’s telling us about his adventures with Joey and Ashley this morning.”
“Sounds interesting,” Howie said as they entered the house. “I decided to try AJ’s trick and I taped a few things from last night.” He handed Kevin the videocassettes. “They might be a little…explicit,” he glanced at JC, “but there are a few things that I wanted to go over, and this will show it better than I can explain it.”
“Let’s try it,” Kevin said. “Come on in and sit down. Can I get you something to drink?” he asked JC.
“No, I’m okay,” JC said. The three of them walked into the living room, and…
Nick.
JC went hot all over at the sight. Pink lips, tousled hair, Nick was wearing one of the shirts he’d bought.
Glancing over, Nick smiled at him. “Hey, baby.”
“Oh, JC.” Brian, seated on the floor, reached a hand up, tugging him down. He crouched at Brian’s side, wondering what Brian wanted, wanting to get back to Nick. “How’s Chris?”
“Chris?” JC repeated.
“I meant to ask you if you’d heard from him since this morning,” Howie said, taking a seat on the sofa. “Is he okay?”
What? “Did something happen?” JC asked, concerned.
“You don’t know?” Kevin asked, sitting in the armchair. “Brian, maybe you should tell him.”
“He should be fine,” Brian said, fingers stroking over JC’s forearm. There was something about Brian’s gaze… It wasn’t powerfully sexual, overwhelmingly seductive like Nick’s. But it kept his attention, made him disinclined to look away. Maybe it was that Brian didn’t seem to be looking merely at him but was looking into him. “Lance went with him to the Townhouse. As soon as we’re finished here, I’m going to go over and check on him.”
“What happened?” He should have answered when Lance had called earlier, but things between himself and Lance were so strained most of the time, he’d decided to let it go and call back later.
“Chris came over to my house this morning,” Brian said. His expression and tone of voice made it seem as if he were apologizing. “He seemed upset, and I should have let him in, but sometimes being around me seems to make things worse for him, so I didn’t go to the door.”
JC nodded. The slow, gentle, rhythmic slide of Brian’s hand up and down his forearm wasn’t sexual; it was fifty percent distracting as hell, and fifty percent loving and soothing. He wasn’t sure exactly why Brian was touching him, or whether he minded.
“He left, but then he called me. I answered, because I felt bad about not answering the door. He was in his car, on the road, and he sounded...” Brian hesitated; the stroking stopped. “He sounded unwell.”
“Unwell?” JC repeated, not sure what Brian meant.
“He sounded very emotional and a little,” Brian looked like he regretted the word, “incoherent.”
“He was losing it,” JC interpreted, frowning.
“I asked him to pull over, and he did. He pulled over. He began to hyperventilate, and I was worried for him, and then I heard him,” Brian winced, “vomit.”
“He threw up?” JC asked.
“I didn’t hear anything else after that. I kept talking and calling his name, but he didn’t respond. I was really scared for him, so I called Lance. We tried to decide what to do. We both drove out looking for him, trying to figure out which way he’d leave from my house.”
“You found him?” JC asked. He should’ve answered Lance’s call. Was Chris all right?
“Lance found him first, and called me. By the time I got there, he seemed much better already. He must have thrown up and passed out. He said that it was something he ate, maybe bad milk.”
“Bad milk?” JC repeated. He couldn’t believe that.
“He refused to see a doctor. He insisted on going to the Townhouse. We decided that someone had to stay with him, so Lance went, too.”
“I talked to him a little while ago,” Kevin said. “He called from the Townhouse. He told me that he’s fine.”
“I have to talk to him,” JC said, rising. “Excuse me.” Stepping around Brian, he left the room.
Chris’s phone rang. “Kirkpatrick.”
“Chris,” JC said. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” Chris said. “How are you?”
“What happened this morning?”
“Nothing,” Chris said.
“You vomited and lost consciousness! Even if you think you’re fine, you should see a doctor. Just in case.”
“It’s nothing,” Chris said. “Why don’t you talk to Lance about it?”
“Are you sure?” JC asked. “Do you-”
“JC wants to talk to you,” Chris said, handing over the phone. He looked at the cards in his hands. “I have a full house.”
“No, you don’t,” Trevor said. “And you’re playing solitaire.”
Oh. “It’s been a weird day.”
“I can tell,” Trevor said, and rubbed the hair on his chin. “Are
you okay?”
What was this? “You can tell?” Needing someone to love him, Chris lowered his head to Trevor’s lap. Trevor was nice enough to pet his hair.
“You’ve been quiet,” Trevor said. “That usually means something’s on your mind that you don’t want to talk about. Whenever you’re more quiet than usual or more crazy than usual, something’s wrong.”
Chris sighed. “Yeah.”
Trevor stroked his eyebrows.
“Something must be wrong a lot,” Chris said.