Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-December 16, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Going out yesterday had helped. It had created one more way for JC to disconnect and view Erik as “other.” He tended to see Erik often enough that he was certain that Erik would call or appear soon, so he was glad that he’d taken last night’s opportunity.
He’d wakened with Nick on his mind. He always did, but today was different. This morning, the thoughts that remained with him were those of Nick and Ashley. He just couldn’t get them out of his head. He remembered Nick idly rubbing his fingers back and forth over Joey’s knee, casually describing the way he’d made Ashley beg for it. The idea of that vapid bitch spread naked under Nick’s body, writhing and pleading and - - JC rubbed at his eyes, trying not to scream.
He wanted to yell, lash out, tear apart the room, but that would only damage his house and his psyche. Self-destruction wasn’t the answer. Howie was right; he had to focus his rage outward. On Ashley, and on Erik, by proxy.
When he thought of Ashley, and hatred and scorn and fury welled up inside, he turned those emotions onto Erik. When he whispered, “That little bitch,” he pictured Erik in his mind. When he thought of Nick whispering “Angel” and kissing that bitch, he thought of Howie whispering “Erik-Michael” and kissing Erik, and how gutted Lance would be at the sight of it.
The doorbell rang.
Welcoming the distraction, JC opened the door.
It was Erik.
Joey rang the doorbell. He had to admit that Ashley looked even more perfect than usual. He wondered if AJ cared about who he hooked up with.
Even outside, he could hear the music pumping from within. Then, the volume lowered. A second later, the door opened.
“Joey!” Justin looked excited to see him. “Oh, man, how are you doing?” A quick tight hug, and Joey looked more closely at Justin, wondering if he was on something. That smile looked natural, but he hadn’t seen Justin this happy in… A long time. “Come in. How’ve you been?”
Joey smiled back for Ashley’s sake, like he’d expected to see Justin this excited. “I’ve been okay,” he said, taking Ashley’s hand and walking into the house. “You seem happy.”
“I just had the best day of my life,” Justin said. He was smiling so happily, Joey could see all of his teeth. “Come on, you want to say hi to AJ?” A quick peal of laughter. “Of course you do, what the hell kind of question was that?”
Wondering what the hell had happened to Justin, wanting to be happy for him but a little suspicious about this abrupt shift, Joey followed Justin to the living room.
AJ was there. Seated on the floor, surrounded by stacks and stacks of CD’s. He was loading them carefully into the carousel in front of him.
“Joey’s here,” Justin said. “He brought Ashley.”
“Hey, Joey.” AJ looked up with a quick, distracted flash of a smile. “Justin, what’s this?”
“What’s what?” Justin asked, going over to him. Justin didn’t just get near AJ; he crouched down behind AJ, looking over AJ’s shoulder, leaning in closer like their bodies wanted to be together, sliding one hand almost unconsciously over AJ’s thigh. “Chris gave it to me.”
“Chris has bad taste,” AJ said.
“I know.” Justin pressed his lips to AJ’s shoulder, while AJ’s hand stroked over the hand Justin had put on his thigh. “You don’t have to put it in.”
“What about this one?” AJ asked, picking up another CD.
“That’s a classic,” Justin said. “That goes in the top ten.”
“Are we dancing to it or fucking to it?”
Justin snickered. “Is there a difference?”
With a laugh, AJ turned his head, kissing Justin’s cheek. “Go get Joey something to drink.”
Justin gave a start, like he’d forgotten either that Joey existed or that he was on someone important to Joey. Quickly rising, he blushed, stepping away from AJ. When he met Joey’s eyes, he looked like he wanted to apologize. “Can I get you - - we don’t have any - - I don’t have any,” he corrected himself, wincing at the unintentional automatic inclusion.
“Water’s fine,” Joey said. He didn’t care; he just wanted Justin to go away. Seeming to understand, Justin disappeared.
Dropping Ashley’s hand, Joey sat on the sofa, the spot nearest AJ. Ashley sat beside him. “You look great.” That was probably all he could get away with in front of Ashley. “Justin seems…ecstatic.”
AJ’s smile knew things. “We’re both happy. We finally have what we need again.”
Joey recognized the carousel that AJ was loading as the three-hundred CD changer to Justin’s stereo. He also recognized some of the CD’s as AJ’s, not Justin’s. AJ was consolidating their music collections? Creating one huge AJ-Justin playlist? That made it seem like AJ was really settling in to stay. How much time did AJ plan to spend in Justin’s house?
AJ had destroyed Joey’s CD collection.
“It’s good to see you together again.” It was rough getting the words out, but he had a job to do.
“It’s the way things should be,” AJ said. “It’s good to see…” His gaze drifted over to Ashley, lingered, then went back to Joey. “Where is Nick?”
Joey laughed, like he was so comfortable with his dual relationships with Nick and Ashley that AJ’s insinuations didn’t offend him. “He has some things to do. Ashley’s free, so I picked him up for lunch.”
“Ashley’s free,” AJ repeated, raising his eyebrows as he loaded another CD into the carousel. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“Hey,” Justin said mildly, coming back into the room. Walking past the sofa, Justin handed Joey and Ashley bottled water before sinking down to the floor at AJ’s side. “Be nice. Ashley’s our guest and Joey’s friend.”
AJ took a bottle from Justin’s hand, uncapping
it. “Justin, where’s my first loyalty?”
Justin grinned. “I think it’s supposed to be me.”
“Granted.” The smile that AJ gave Justin made Joey’s heart bleed.
“What’s after that?”
“Oh, yeah,” Justin said. “The all-powerful Backstreet Boys.”
“Right.” AJ took a drink. Joey wanted him. “I like that. All-powerful.”
“You would.” As Justin took a sip of water, his free hand gravitated to AJ’s back. Were they magnetically attracted to each other? He lowered the bottle after giving the rim an unconscious little lick. “How’ve you been?” Justin asked Ashley. “I haven’t seen you for a while.”
“I’ve been great,” Ashley said. “You look a lot better.”
“I feel so much better than I’ve felt in a long time,” Justin said. He was practically glowing. “It’s amazing, my life is so wonderful right now.”
“And it’s all thanks to me, isn’t it?” AJ asked, wrapping his arm around Justin’s waist with a teasing smile.
“It is,” Justin said with a warm smile, eyes bright. “Thank you so much, AJ.” AJ leaned in and Joey’s gut twisted but Justin said, with a happy laugh like nothing could ever be wrong, “Not now, not in front of Joey.”
“Joey doesn’t mind,” AJ said, but settled for kissing his neck instead.
“I’m glad you’re this happy,” Ashley said. “Dan’s been so worried about you.”
Justin’s eyes went wide and all of the color left his face.
“Dan can go fuck himself.” AJ’s glare was hot. “He’s bad for Justin and he doesn’t know me.”
“He’s just worried about Justin,” Ashley said, but he was intimidated.
“Worried about Justin?” AJ repeated. “Who’s Justin happier with, him or me?”
Ashley hesitated. “I guess you, but-”
“Then shut the fuck up about things you don’t
understand.” AJ kissed Justin’s cheek, rubbing his back. “Where’s that bunch
of new CD’s you were telling me about?”
“Upstairs, up in my room,” Justin said. His voice shook enough for
Joey to notice it, but maybe not enough for Ashley to pick up on. “I’ll go get
it.”
AJ kissed him, on the mouth, and Justin returned the kiss like there was no way not to respond to AJ. Then Justin got up and left the room, going upstairs.
“What do you think?” AJ asked, showing Joey a CD. “Dancing music, fucking music, or talking music?”
“Dancing,” Joey said. He absolutely hated to walk away from precious time with AJ, but seeing Justin go from happy pink to dead white in under a second wasn’t a good sign. “Pretty, I have to talk to Justin about something.”
“Okay,” Ashley said, even though he clearly did not want to be left alone with AJ.
Joey patted his knee and went upstairs. Before he even got to Justin’s room, he heard panicked breathing.
Erik smiled. “Special delivery for JC Chasez.”
Staring, JC tried to catch up. Erik stood right outside his front door, holding a bouquet. Red, pink, and white roses. “Honey… You bought me flowers?” The unexpected gesture hit hard. His lovers never gave him flowers. Except Nick. Nick had. But Erik wasn’t his lover, JC reminded himself. Erik was the guy fucking him on the side while he and Howie were separated. Erik was the guy taking advantage of a painful situation to get laid, which anyone with actual ethics would never have done.
“There are more in the truck,” Erik said. “If you go to another room and give me a minute, I can get them set up.”
Truck? JC stepped-
“Not yet,” Erik said, guiding him back before he could get a glimpse outside. “Go do something else until it’s ready. It shouldn’t take me long, someone gave me a floor plan so I’d know where to put everything.”
Mystified, JC said, “All right, honey. I’ll be in my bedroom.” Still curious, he went to his room. While he was there, he changed clothes, putting on something a little more fitted with fewer layers. It wouldn’t hurt to make Erik want his ass before handing it over.
He was in the bathroom, fixing his hair, when Erik knocked at the doorframe. “There’s something in the living room for you.” As he neared the door, Erik’s eyes widened. “Damn. I leave you alone for five minutes, and you get hotter.”
“It’s the least I can do for someone bringing me flowers,” JC said, giving him a smile and walking on towards the living room.
“I think I’ll have to bring you flowers every day,” Erik said.
JC hadn’t put much thought into what Erik had done to his living room. Even if he had, he still wouldn’t have come up with what he saw there. Flowers everywhere. Common, exotic, every color. Enormous vases dotted each surface, stuffed full. Filling the floor, covering tables, even set up on brand-new stands; JC’s living room had become a floral showcase.
It wasn’t even a small room.
There was one bare area. JC noticed it quickly because it was the only spot not overrun with gorgeous, bright flowers. At the center of the room, on the coffee table, lay Erik’s original bouquet. Tucked between the stems was an envelope. Beside it, a small jewelry box.
That first bouquet, JC could have dismissed as Erik’s idea. This was not. “Honey…” He dragged his gaze away from the riot of color and looked at Erik. “Who is all of this from?”
Erik’s smile hinted at great inner happiness. “Why don’t you read the note and find out?”
All right. With a weird flutter in his gut, JC made his way to the table, placing his feet carefully between vases as he went. Reaching the table, he picked up the envelope, opening it and withdrawing a thin sheet of paper.
He read it.
Lowering the page, JC looked across the myriad of flowers before him. There must have been a dozen different kinds. More than that, many more.
Did Howie mean these words? Were they for effect, for Erik? Were they truly meant for him?
People had said romantic things to JC before. Other men. Nick. But JC needed these words now, needed to feel like this again, after what Nick had done to him. Nick had made him feel weak, stupid, worthless, cheap, and hideously unwanted. Howie kept making him feel important and desirable again. These words sounded so sincere, and JC wanted them to be real…
“Can I see?” Erik asked softly.
JC handed him the letter without looking, crossing his arms over his chest, looking at the many flowers.
“‘There are flowers that make me think of love, romance, and sensuality. There are flowers that make me think of festivities, happiness, and celebration. There are flowers that make me think of nature, vivid colors, and the wild. There are flowers that make me think of calmness, peace, and tranquility. There are flowers that make me think of warm sunlight, blue skies, and the beauty of life. You make me think of all of that, and more. Love, Howie.’”
Love, Howie.
It was almost ridiculous, to believe that he could make someone think of those things, the way Howie had described. But once upon a time, JC had believe that he made Nick think of those things. And Nick truly did make him think of those things. Was it really impossible to think that he could inspire those feelings in someone? And could that someone be Howie?
“Wow,” Erik said behind him, impressed. “Howie knows what he’s doing.”
JC had to smile. “He always does.” Howie always had the right reaction. The perfect word.
Perfect. Nick had been absolutely perfect. Stunning, in his perfection. Even his glaring imperfections had been utterly, utterly beautiful. JC had loved Nick so completely, so immediately…
“Are you okay?” Erik asked, close at his side now, concerned, touching his arm.
“I’m fine, honey.” JC brushed away stray tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect any of this. I was thinking about seeing you again, but I had no idea that you’d bring all of this with you.”
“We’re not even finished,” Erik said, and held up the jewelry box. “Guess who this is from.”
All of that fighting over Howie’s jewelry, and now Howie was giving him jewelry. That either made perfect sense, or no sense at all. Almost wanting to laugh at the absurdity of this entire situation, JC accepted the box, opening it.
A necklace. Of course, it was perfect. It even went with what he was wearing.
“Can I put it on?” Erik asked.
“Sure, honey.” JC handed it to him, wondering what all of this was about. What was Howie up to? He gathered his hair off of the back of his neck with one hand, his thoughts on Howie, on…
Erik was caressing his nape.
“Honey?” he asked.
“Sorry.” Erik fastened the necklace. “Every inch of you is perfect. I’ve never seen the back of someone’s neck look so sexy.”
“Thank you.” JC surveyed the bouquets. “This must have cost him a fortune.”
“I promised not to reveal prices,” Erik said.
Interesting. JC smiled at Erik to charm him. “How much of this did you help with?”
“I helped to pick out certain things,” Erik said. “I helped a little with the planning. It’s all Howie’s idea. He just took me along for moral support.”
He wasn’t surprised that Howie had involved Erik. He just didn’t know what effect that had on the personal significance of the message. It didn’t necessarily mean that this all meant nothing. It also didn’t necessarily mean that this all meant anything.
But they were great flowers. His living room smelled divine. He really liked the necklace, and the letter had given him a great message that he’d needed to hear. No matter what the true significance of it all was, the gesture meant something, to him.
“You did a wonderful job,” JC said. “This is so beautiful, Erik-Michael, it’s so…”
“Is there anything you want me to tell Howie for you?” Erik asked.
“You can thank him for me,” JC said, keeping his tone soft with a subtle tremor of emotion. “You can tell him that this is one of the most generous things that anyone’s ever done for me.” He made himself stroke Erik’s cheek while his gaze wandered over the flowers again. “The things he said in that letter mean a lot to me.”
“He meant it,” Erik said. “He loves you, JC.”
“I know, honey.” JC took a deep breath. He didn’t want to have to kiss Erik. He continued to look elsewhere. “This is so much.”
“Well, he loves you a lot,” Erik said. “He wants to treat you well, he wants to demonstrate how special you are.”
JC had been loved like that, once.
Erik sat at one end of the table, astride it, looking around. “This really is a lot of flowers. It sounded like a lot when we ordered them in the store, but seeing all of them at once… The saleswoman was so excited.”
“I’m sure she was.” JC sat at the other end, facing him. The original bouquet stood between them; JC moved it to the floor. “I’m sure that you had a good time shopping with Howie.”
“He’s kind of picky,” Erik said, and smiled at him. “But he knows what he likes.”
Lounging by the pool, Lance was in a chair, ankles crossed. Chris sat on the cement at his side, simultaneously conversing with Lance and playing cards with Trevor. Every once in a while, Chris would toss a card over his shoulder into the pool, and Trevor would have to fish it out.
Trevor stuck to the cards, leaving the bulk of the conversation to Lance and Chris. It was a prime opportunity to learn more about the secret inner workings of *NSYNC. He followed most of what they said, although some of it he didn’t quite catch.
He liked seeing Chris with Lance, with Justin and JC and Joey. They knew Chris so much better than he did; they’d been right there with Chris through everything. When Lance said “back when” and made a vague hand gesture, Chris caught it out of the corner of his eye and nodded like that was all of the context he needed. Trevor wanted Chris to know him that well. Wanted to know Chris that well. Wanted to have that kind of shared history.
Maybe. Someday.
With gasping, shuddering, heaving breaths, Justin tore through his closet. Shoving piles of clothes aside, slinging hangers, he searched frenziedly.
“Justin?” Joey asked, having closed the bedroom door as a slim sound barrier against Ashley overhearing.
Whimpering, mewling desperately, Justin went down on his knees, crawling through piles of meticulously lined up shoe boxes, searching, searching.
“Justin,” Joey said. “What are you looking for?”
“No, no, no.” Justin hurled one of his own duffle bags out of his way. “It’s here, it’s here, it has to be here. It has to!”
“I can help you if you tell me what you need,” Joey said. How could this person coexist in the same body with the person who, seconds ago, had been beaming, glowing, and bouncing with happiness? How could Justin swing to extremes?
“His bag, it’s his bag, it’s missing, it’s not here, it’s gone!” Justin threw a box across the closet in sudden fury. “It’s gone!” With abrupt clarity, Justin stared up at Joey, eyes burning with hatred. “I didn’t even think about it before. Not once. I should’ve, I didn’t - - it’s AJ. He took it. He took it from me. He took it away from me!” Violence entered Justin’s expression. “He took it away from me!”
Not necessarily preferring to be trapped into this space with a madman, but also not wanting Ashley to hear any of this, Joey closed the closet door. “What did AJ take away from you? Whose bag?” Kevin’s? Only Kevin would have this affect on Justin. Then again, Justin’s mood had changed directions when Ashley had brought up Dan.
“He took everything away from me! He took it all!” Justin was on his feet, enraged, red-faced, hands locked into fists. “He took away Dan’s bag! He took away Dan’s bracelet!” Justin’s voice rose to a furious pitch. “He took away Dan! He took Dan away from me! He took Dan!”
Joey couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d never heard Justin care this much about anyone who wasn’t Kevin. Not like this. Not with such intense, personal, jealous passion. But Dan? Justin was this upset over Dan?
Abruptly, Justin broke, fury giving way to grief. Buckling, he went down on his knees, doubling over and curling into himself, hands fisting spasmodically in the clothes now strewn across the closet floor. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and a sob ripped from him in a painful spasm. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You gave me your love, and you made me your promises, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t…” Any further words were lost in a terrible series of wrenching sobs as Justin’s body shook.
Horrified, Joey was quick to kneel at Justin’s side, rubbing Justin’s back. “It’s okay,” he said, although he didn’t think that Justin believed him. “It’s okay.” He didn’t know what else to say. “It’s okay.”
To stall for time, JC decided to bring up something unpleasant. “Honey, I heard about what happened. With AJ.”
Erik didn’t even move, but in the space of a blink, he was gone. There was a wall there; he’d immediately shut JC out. While JC was still wondering how that had happened that fast, Erik said, “It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m sorry, Erik-Michael. I don’t know-”
“It’s over,” Erik said. “I’m done with it.”
It had only been two days ago. “I don’t mean to press you, if you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t even know what happened. AJ just came into your house and attacked you? Did he…hurt you?” Erik looked fine, physically.
Erik shrugged, looking at a cluster of carnations nearby. “He tried to drown me.”
It hit JC like a shock. That couldn’t be true. “He what?”
“He tried to drown me.” Another shrug; Erik met his eyes, refusing to display any emotion. “I’m fine, now. He showed up and threatened me, he said a lot of shit, he tried to drown me, and he left.”
“Erik-Michael, this is serious.” JC couldn’t believe that AJ had tried to drown him. His thoughts whirled. “Are you all right? Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Yeah, I talked to the guys. I talked to
Howie.”
Still stunned, he tried to push through it to react “normally” for
the game’s sake. “You talked to them?” JC asked. “Or you actually shared with
them what happened, your thoughts, what you really went through?”
Tiny smile; Erik lowered his gaze. “I told Howie a little of it.”
Reaching out, JC rubbed Erik’s arm, squeezing his hand. “Can you tell me?”
“I don’t really want to come across as a scared
victim,” Erik said. “Especially not to you.”
“You’re supposed to be afraid when someone’s drowning you,” JC
said. “This won’t change my opinion of you, believe me.”
“It wasn’t… It wasn’t that bad,” Erik said.
JC didn’t believe that for a second, and let his expression show it.
“I’m fine,” Erik insisted.
“All right,” JC said. “If it wasn’t that bad and you’re fine, then you should have no problem telling me all about it.”
When the painful, hideous, wracking sobs faded, and Justin was left with unsteady breathing, he sat up beside Joey, wiping at still-falling tears. “He’s gone. His bag’s gone, too. AJ must have taken it.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way…” Joey picked up an old bandanna from the floor and wiped at Justin’s tears with it. “You’re this upset over Dan Miller?”
“If you knew Dan, you’d understand.” Justin sniffed, rubbing at his reddened eyes. “God, I need him.” A deep breath got caught in Justin’s throat, breaking into a soft sob. Embarrassed, he closed his eyes.
This was either a good time or a bad time to bring this up, but Joey went for it. “I saw him yesterday.”
Justin stared at him. “You saw Dan yesterday?”
“Nick and I went over to the Townhouse to pick up Brian and Jacob for dinner, and…” Joey hesitated.
“Tell me,” Justin said, hand wrapping around Joey’s forearm. “You saw Dan?”
“AJ asked us, me and Nick, to give him something.”
Justin stopped breathing.
Joey held still, wondering if Justin might strike him.
“You gave him the bracelet,” Justin said, like it was very important to comprehend this information. “You gave him the bracelet.” Justin’s grip tightened briefly on Joey’s arm. “You gave it to him?”
“He didn’t want to take it,” Joey said. “He said that it was yours, not his, and we didn’t have the right to give it away. But we insisted that if he didn’t take it, we’d just get rid of it. So he took it.”
Agony and hope crossed and re-crossed Justin’s face. “What did he say? How did he act?”
“He said that you shouldn’t be with AJ, and he wants you to be happy.” Joey would have preferred to skip a lot of the details of that exchange, because they were particularly unflattering to him, but Justin’s need to know overrode his own ego’s needs. “He basically said that I’m a terrible friend to you and I deserve to be as fucked up as you are. And he said that loving someone shouldn’t look so much like hating someone. Caring for someone shouldn’t look so much like abusing him.”
“He took the bracelet?” Justin asked. “He kept it?”
“He took it,” Joey said. “I’m sure he still has it.” This was going to hurt, but Joey wanted to be honest. “Dan is… I hate him, I absolutely hate him, and we acted like complete assholes. We treated him like shit. But he handled it with a lot of integrity and class. I’ve never hated anyone more than I hate that motherfucking - - but he’s strong, and he treated us with respect we didn’t deserve.”
“He’s so strong,” Justin said, like he still couldn’t understand it. A quick flash of fear: “Does he think that it’s from me? Does he think that I was giving it back-”
“No,” Joey said. “He thinks AJ took it from you.”
Relief relaxed Justin’s shoulders.
“I didn’t expect him to be like that,” Joey said.
“He’s always like that,” Justin said. “He tries so hard.” Justin sniffled, seeming somewhat more composed now. “Sorry you have to hate him.”
“You can’t call him?” Joey asked.
“No. No contact at all. I can’t risk fucking up again, not now. I’m not allowed to see him or talk to him or go near him, and he can’t try to get to me, either. I don’t even know what he’s going through.”
“From what I saw today, he’s using his anger for the forces of good. He made the wannabes go through some rough hours of rehearsal today.”
“You saw him today?” Justin asked.
“Yeah. Lucky me, I can’t get away from him.”
“How’d he look?”
“Sweaty.” Joey must have imagined the quick pulse of desire in Justin’s gaze. “I wish you could be with him.”
“You do?” Justin was surprised.
“I know that’s not what I’m supposed to say. I’m supposed to tell you to do what’s right for the game. But, hell, as far as I’m concerned, you can have him. Have him, and take him far away from AJ.”
“I wish I could.” Justin’s smile was sad. “I wish I could be with him, far away from all of this. He loves me, you know.”
Joey’s heart ached for Justin. “I know.”
Erik really didn’t want to do this.
He’d already avoided telling most of it to the guys and Howie. But he was tired of fighting for privacy. JC seemed to want to know, but more importantly, JC seemed sympathetic. Not that the other guys weren’t, but… There was something in JC’s expression that said JC wasn’t going to let this go.
He hadn’t wanted to talk to Howie about it, because AJ was Howie’s best friend. But JC didn’t have that loyalty. And JC probably had some influence, if not directly with AJ, at least with people who AJ might listen to. Maybe, after hearing this, JC would get AJ to leave him and his friends the hell alone.
He told JC what had happened, from beginning to end. He described how he’d been in the kitchen, and AJ had taken him by surprise. He described being grabbed from behind and slammed forward over the counter, AJ right behind him, practically climbing up onto him, hissing and growling in his ear.
He told JC what AJ had said to him. The accusations. The threats. The insinuations.
He described how he’d broken free and turned around.
He and AJ had fought. Struggled. Then…
Erik took a deep breath.
AJ was out of his fucking mind, and dangerous.
The things that AJ had said to him had been like poison in his ears, like knives in his brain. AJ had pushed and pulled and even dragged him towards the pool. He hadn’t wanted to go there, because their fight would attract Jacob’s attention, and he hadn’t wanted anyone to hear what AJ was saying to him. On the other hand, he’d become increasingly aware that he was, so to speak, in over his head, and maybe someone else showing up would be able to help.
AJ had shoved him into the pool. He’d come up sputtering, and AJ had been right there, in his face, kneeling at the edge, gripping the front of his shirt.
He told JC what AJ had said to him.
JC’s eyes widened with shock.
He told JC that AJ had pushed him under.
The color drained from JC’s face.
AJ had held him there. He’d struggled, tried to rise, tried to swim away, clawed at AJ’s hands. Then, suddenly, there had been air, blessed air, and then the water had closed over his head again, and he’d thought that he might die, that AJ might kill him. He struggled harder, he fought, and when AJ let him up again he screamed, almost catching AJ’s face with his fingernails, but then he was under again…
And then AJ had disappeared, and Erik had burst up for air, and Ashley and Jacob had been there.
Erik told the story as directly and matter-of-factly as he could. He didn’t dramatize it for effect, and he didn’t make any attempt at rousing pity. He didn’t want JC to feel sorry for him. What had happened, had happened. It was over, and he couldn’t do anything about it now.
“Oh, god,” JC said, reaching for him. “Oh, my god.” JC’s embrace was tight. “Erik-Michael.”
“I’m okay,” Erik reminded him, a little worried about JC now. “It’s okay.”
“Oh, god,” JC said again, with a strange quiver in his voice. “I can’t believe he did that. I can’t believe he did that.”
“It’s okay,” Erik repeated. “He’s out of his mind. Howie said that AJ doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and Howie won’t let me leave you guys.”
“I can’t believe he did that to you,” JC whispered. “That never should have happened. AJ went too far.”
“If you’re worried about anybody, you should be worried about Justin,” Erik said. “Dan said they’re back together.”
JC’s embrace tightened.
Erik curled his fingers in JC’s hair.
“AJ would never do that to Justin. And Justin
can take care of himself,” JC said. “I know he can.”
“So can I,” Erik said.
“I hope so, honey.” JC’s voice was soft. “I hope so.”
Jacob couldn’t freaking take it.
That sick bastard was sitting right outside his fucking bedroom door. Talking. Laughing. Fucking living it up, in his fucking house!
One of them had to go.
Pocketing his wallet and keys, Jacob tied a bandanna over his hair and removed the screen from his window. Crawling over the sill, slithering outside, he landed on his feet. He’d used that window as an escape route a few times in the past, during a few sneaky games with the guys, and it still worked.
And now he could get the hell away from the astroposer.
Coming around the house, he saw Dan sitting on the basketball court, reading. “Hey.”
Dan looked up, squinting in the sunlight. “Hey.” Shielding his eyes with one hand, he asked, “Something wrong with the front door?”
“Something between me and the front door,” Jacob said, walking over to him. “What are you reading?” Shakespeare again. “Poetry?”
“Yeah.” Dan closed the book, setting it aside.
“That seems to be your new hobby,” Jacob said, sitting down with him. “I’m guessing it has something to do what Justin, but hell if I can figure out what.”
“Hearing it…centers him,” Dan said. “I
memorized some for him. I know it sounds - - it’s just that I need to be doing
something, I have to do something, and there aren’t many places I can direct my
energy right now.”
Jacob nodded. Dan believed in action, effort, and hard work. As
much as Ashley was a talker, Dan was a doer. It had to be killing him not to be
able to jump into a plan of action. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve
given you crap for what you’ve been doing with Justin, and I’m never going to
like him, but you have to do what you have to do. Sometimes you have to do
things that other people don’t understand.”
“I wish I knew what to do right now.” Dan shook his head, clearly frustrated. “AJ’s blocked off every path I have.”
Jacob wanted to show Dan support, but he couldn’t in good conscience support Dan’s mission to break up someone else’s relationship. He settled for, “You’ll get a chance.” One of the house phones and Dan’s cell phone sat at his side; apparently, Dan was dedicated to catching that chance.
“Where are you off to?” Dan asked.
“I don’t know. I was going to call Brian, but… You want to go somewhere?”
“No.” Dan made an apologetic face. “Sorry. I don’t want to miss anything, if Justin calls.” Glancing at the house, he asked, “Is there something in there that I should worry about? What are you escaping?”
“Nothing,” Jacob said. “Just the Basstronaut.”
Dan seemed amused by the nickname. “You don’t like him.”
“He’s a lying fake,” Jacob said. “I don’t like him, I don’t respect him, I don’t trust him, and the sound of his laughter, the sound of his voice, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.”
Frowning slightly, Dan asked, “Has he done something?”
“He has the whole world snowed,” Jacob said. “He showed me his true colors, and it’s some sick shit. Don’t believe a word he says. Every time he smiles, watch your back.” It was impossible to exaggerate the depths of Lance’s depravity.
“Okay.” Concerned, Dan trusted him enough to accept what he said. Jacob was relieved that at least someone wouldn’t buy the lies.
“Can I get you anything while I’m out?” Jacob asked, getting to his feet, dusting off his ass.
“Actually, something I ordered just came in for me over at the bookstore on Pine. Could you swing by there and pick it up for me?
“Sure,” Jacob said, pulling his keys from his pocket.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Ashley would have preferred being left alone with several poisonous snakes to being left alone with AJ. He drank his water, listened to the blaring music AJ had turned back on, watched AJ sort CD’s, and prayed that Joey would come back downstairs soon.
“So.” AJ set aside a jewel case, looking at him. Ashley’s insides curled up in fear. “I thought that we already talked about this.”
Oh, god. Ashley swallowed nervously. “I-”
“I just explained to you how disrespectful it
is for you to put yourself in the middle of Nick and Joey’s relationship. I
thought that you understood me.”
AJ had been very clear. Extremely clear. But-
“And here you are,” AJ said, his voice softer now as he rose up onto his knees. “Flouncing your well-used ass all over town with Nick’s boyfriend.”
Ashley curled his hand around his water bottle. “Joey asked me to come here with him. He came to get me and-”
“Let me explain something else to you,” AJ said. “Since you must not have been listening the first time.” He reached over to the carousel and pulled out several CDs, putting them into Ashley’s shaking hand. He took one and held it in front of Ashley’s face. “This is my relationship with Justin. It used to look like this. Then Miller showed up, and it looked like this.” The CD snapped in half with a sudden crack, startling Ashley. “Not very good for anyone.”
“No,” Ashley agreed quickly, training his gaze on the broken CD so he could avoid AJ’s too-intense, too-close gaze.
“This,” AJ took another CD from Ashley’s hand, “is Howie’s relationship with JC. It used to look like this. Then Estrada showed up, and now it looks like this.” Another sharp crack; Ashley flinched as the CD splintered in two. “We’re all very upset about that.”
“I know,” Ashley said shakily.
The last CD. “This is Nick’s relationship with Joey. Right now, it looks like this.” AJ took it in two hands and broke it in half. “Guess what this is?”
No, no, “I didn’t-”
“This,” AJ said in a soft snarl, “is you, if you don’t leave Joey alone.” A sharp crack and Ashley flinched again; AJ now held four quarters of the CD. “Do you understand me?”
“I love him,” Ashley said. His voice was only a whisper, but the words came out. He had to stay strong. He had to remember how he’d stood up to Nick, how he’d learned to stand up for himself after his last encounter with AJ. “I love Joey. I’m good for him. I’m not going anywhere.”
AJ growled threateningly.
God, AJ scared him, but he couldn’t let it show. “If Nick has a problem with me, then that’s between him and Joey and me. If he wants to get rid of me, then he should just take care of it himself. I’m still here, so I must not be that much of a problem, so what are you so damned upset about?” Show no fear, show no fear. If AJ hurt him, he could yell for help; Joey and Justin were right upstairs.
AJ’s eyes narrowed. “What…am I so…damned…upset about?” he whispered.
Ashley swallowed. Show no fear, show no fear.
“What…am I so…damned…upset about?” AJ repeated, louder this time.
He was going to wet himself.
“What am I so damned upset about?!” AJ grabbed the front of Ashley’s shirt in both hands, jerking Ashley’s face to within an inch of his own, snarling. “What I’m upset about, you pathetic needy desperate whoring cunt, is that you’re slutting your well-fucked ass around to my best friend’s boyfriend. Is that so fucking hard to understand?”
It seemed like a really bad time to try to explain his side of things, so Ashley shut up.
Growling, AJ shoved him back, rising over him, climbing right the fuck on top of him on the couch. Wide-eyed, Ashley pressed back into the back of the sofa, not breathing. “I love Justin, and Justin thinks that I should play nice with you. And I wouldn’t want to ruin my good mood. So let me just say this, before I get pissed and fuck up my happy reunion.”
Ashley decided that he really, really didn’t want to see AJ in a bad mood.
“Every whore has the right to flash her slutted-out ass around wherever she wants. You’re no different. But respectable people have the right to object.” AJ snarled. “I object.”
Oh, god, why wasn’t this man chained up somewhere?
“Then again...maybe you’re right.” AJ’s voice was frighteningly soft now. Chills gripped Ashley’s spine. “This is between Nick and Joey. And as long as Nick doesn’t have a problem, maybe I shouldn’t have a problem.”
AJ was so close, Ashley could see the passion, violence, and danger right there in his eyes.
Soft growl. “As soon as Nick has a problem,” AJ leaned in even closer, so close Ashley was breathing him, “I have a problem.”
Ashley wanted to close his eyes. He was too afraid to try it.
“While you’re doing your best to keep Joey happy, you’d better do everything you can to make Nick happy, too. Or you’re going to have to deal with me.” AJ hissed. “You don’t want to have to deal with me.”
Ashley had never agreed with anything more.
AJ’s lips curled in disgust. “You’re pathetic.”
Ashley stayed frozen, locked in place, until AJ got off of him and strode away, probably to stalk and kill a gazelle. God. Shaken, Ashley sucked in a slow, shuddering breath. And this was the guy who had Justin aglow with happiness?
He’d used to find Nick intimidating.
Nick was tame compared to AJ.
Continue on to part sixty-three
matthew@matthewtime.com
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