Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-November 18, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part fifty-seven

            After the appetizers came, Joey said, “Lance said he saw you today.”

            Jacob bit down too hard.

            “Yeah,” Brian said, “we had lunch at his place.”

            Lunch.  With Brian.  In Lance’s house.  Standing there with Brian and with Lance in the same room where he’d fucked Lance’s naked body.  Standing there beside the bed where Lance had - - where he’d - - Jacob set down his fork, nauseous.  The memory of Lance’s cock in his mouth made him sick.

            “I haven’t talked to him in a couple days,” Nick said.  “How’s the Bassinator doing?”

            Joey looked at Nick.  “Don’t call him that.”

            “Why not?” Nick asked.

            “It’s stupid,” Joey said.

            “Lance likes it,” Nick said, chewing, unconcerned.

            “Oh, he does?” Joey asked.

            “Yeah.”  Nick grinned, like he and Joey were sharing a private joke.  “He does.”  Taking a sip of water, he touched Joey’s cheek.  “Hold on, there’s,” he brushed at Joey’s beard.  “You have something,” he leaned closer, “right here,” and he kissed the corner of Joey’s mouth.  Joey’s head turned slightly, capturing Nick’s lips, and Nick’s tongue coaxed Joey’s out to play.

            Jacob looked away, uncomfortable.  He glanced at Brian; Brian flashed him an empathetic smile.  When Brian leaned closer, Jacob’s body grew hot at the sudden nearness, his mind whirling with the possibility of Brian leaning in to kiss him the way that Nick had leaned in for Joey.  But Brian veered to one side at the last second, whispering, “This is one of the hazards of spending time with Nick and Joey.”

            Wanting to keep Brian close, Jacob continued the conversation.  “They’re always like this?”

            “They love sex, and they love each other,” Brian said.

            If they loved each other, they wouldn’t fuck other people.  Not in Jacob’s understanding of love.  Maybe they didn’t see love the same way he did.  Or maybe they tossed around the word “love” with a lot less honest appreciation for what it truly meant, when it was truly felt, and not just a term substituted for “like” and “lust.”

            Joey sat back with a discreet cough.

            Brian smiled at Jacob, sitting back as well.

Nick frowned at Brian.  “What were we talking about?”

            Shit.

            “Lance,” Brian said.

            Jacob gritted his teeth.

            “How is he?” Nick asked.

            “He’s great,” Brian said.  “He bought me shoes.  Lenocchi.”

            “Lenocchi?” Nick asked.  “You’re kidding.  You’re not wearing them?”

            “Not with this,” Brian said, looking down at himself.  “I need a suit and tie for that.”

            “Remind me to ask him why he didn’t get me a pair,” Joey told Nick.  “Did he mention anything about some new property?” he asked Brian.

            “He told me to talk to Diana about something,” Brian said.  “He didn’t give me a lot of detail.”

            “I don’t invest enough,” Nick said, but he didn’t sound particularly worried about it.

            “How many times are Howie and Lance going to have to lecture you about that before you get into it?” Brian asked.

            “Where are you putting your money?” Joey asked Jacob.

            “You can’t just ask that,” Nick said.

            “What’s wrong with saying where you put your money?” Joey asked.

            “Would you tell people where you put your dick?” Nick asked.  Then he laughed.  “Never mind.”

            “You asked the wrong person,” Joey said, laughing with him.  “Are we talking about today, or all week?”

            “How about this month?” Nick asked.

            “I can’t count that high,” Joey said.

            How could they expect anyone to respect their relationship?  They made a mockery of it by their own behavior and flippancy.  Why should Ashley avoid Joey and not interfere in their relationship?  Joey didn’t respect it; why should anyone else?

            Jacob didn’t believe in cheating on someone, but if Joey cheated on Nick and Nick cheated on Joey, could they really complain about Ashley’s morals?

            The garage door.

            The garage door was going up.

            Justin sat up.  “Shit!”  Running from the room and to a window, he tried to see who was out there, but he only saw the vague shape of taillights as the car entered the garage.  Shit, shit, shit!  What the fuck was he supposed to do now?  He didn’t know who that was!  Maybe Kevin had sent someone to get him.  Maybe it was a complete stranger.  He still didn’t know whose house this was!

            The garage door lowered.

            What could he do?  Hide!  He had to hide!  Justin ran for the nearest door, what looked like a coat closet, but then remembered that there was evidence of him all over the house.  The kitchen, the food, he’d left everything out!  Justin scrambled in that direction.

            The doorknob turned.  Whoever was in the garage, was coming in.

            Justin dashed to the closet, ducking in and pulling the door shut, gripping the doorknob, holding on tightly as if that would keep it closed if someone tried to open it.

            Shit, shit, shit.

            He heard someone come into the house.

            The closet was completely empty.

            He thought desperate prayers for whoever it was to go away.

            He couldn’t be found like this.  He couldn’t be caught here.  How the hell could he explain it?  What would he say?

            Naked, sweating, Justin tucked farther into the corner.

            “Justin!”

            AJ!  Thank god, it was AJ.  Relieved, grateful, and pissed off, Justin pushed aside the closet door.  “Don’t scare me like that!  I didn’t know who the hell you were!”

            “What were you doing in the closet?” AJ asked, tapping his sunglasses against his leg.

            “You could have been a fucking stranger!” Justin exclaimed.  “You could have been a neighbor, you could have been anybody.  You think I want to be caught in here like this?”

            “Come on, we’re going to your place,” AJ said.

            “Did you notice that I’m naked?” Justin demanded.

            “I brought you some clothes,” AJ said, gesturing to a bag by the door to the garage.  “You’d better clean up the kitchen before we go.  Kevin’s not going to like that.”

            “Shit.”  Justin pushed past AJ, hurrying to the kitchen.

            “You have so much to learn,” AJ said.

            Crouching down, Justin hunted under the sink for dishwashing liquid.  “Did you bring my phone?”

            “Yes, I brought your phone,” AJ said with exaggerated patience.  “Can I get a thank you, AJ, for coming to rescue my naked ass?”

            “I didn’t need to be rescued,” Justin said.  “I’m fine here.”

            “Okay,” AJ said.  “You want me to go?  I can leave you here.  I have no problem with that.”

            He was supposed to cooperate with AJ.  Ingratitude wasn’t cooperation.  Filling the sink with water, Justin turned.  “Thank you, AJ.”

            “You’re welcome,” AJ said.  He grinned.  “Maybe I should get you to do my housework naked.  This isn’t bad.”

            Soaking wet, Trevor ran into the house, shoes squeaking on the floors.

            “Get back here!” Chris shouted, chasing after him.  “Out of bounds, out of bounds!”

            Trevor rounded the corner, ducking out of sight.

            “I’m going to get you for this!” Chris yelled.  “Are you dripping on my furniture?”

            “Yes!” Trevor called back, unseen.

            “Okay!” Chris shouted.  He didn’t care; he’d just wanted to hear Trevor’s voice for location purposes.  “One,” he hurried into position, “two,” he brought his gun up, “three,” he-

            “Aaahhh!” Trevor cried, coming from the other direction, soaking him.

            “You son-of-a-bitch!” Chris protested, returning fire, then taking off.  He formed strategies as he ran, mapping out his path of escape as Trevor took a fresh shot at his unprotected back.  Diving right and rolling under a table, Chris shot back.

            “Shit!”  Trevor disappeared.  “You’re pretty damned spry for an old guy!”

            “I think I broke my hip!”  Damn it, he needed more water.  He was dangerously low on ammo.

            The doorbell rang.

            “Cease fire!” Chris yelled.

            “In your dreams!” Trevor yelled.

            Grinning, Chris crawled out from under the table.  “I knew I liked you for a reason,” he said, backing down the hallway, scanning warily.  Catching movement from a doorway, he sprayed in that direction, keeping Trevor at bay.  Risking a shot at his own back, he checked outside.  “It’s Lance!”

            “Shit!”  Trevor ran for cover, probably not wanting to be caught soaking wet.

            Chris opened the door.  “What can I do for you?”

            Lance took in Chris’s dripping hair, drenched clothes, and enormous water gun.  “I should have called first.”

            “You don’t have to call first,” Chris said.  “Should I ask Trevor to go home?”

            “He doesn’t have to go, but…  I’d like to talk to you alone,” Lance said.

            “Okay,” Chris said.  He rubbed his hand over his hair; water cascaded down his face.  “Give me a minute to get rid of the witness.”

            Ashley knocked on Erik’s bedroom door.  “Can I talk to you?”

            Distracted, clad only in underwear and fresh from the shower, Erik gave Ashley a vague, “Yeah, come in,” while walking over to his closet.

            “Jacob left,” Ashley said.  “With Brian, and Joey and Nick.”

            “Yeah?” Erik asked, crouching down and digging into the back of his closet for something.

            “They went out to dinner.  The four of them.”

            Muttering to himself, getting up again empty-handed, Erik raised his voice for another, “Yeah?”  He turned to his dresser, going through the drawers.

            “I guess they didn’t want it to be a big group, and I know that Nick doesn’t really want to hang out with me, especially in front of his friends…  Last night, I was at Joey’s house, and Nick was there, and everything was okay.  It was awkward, because Nick’s always kind of antagonistic, but it all turned out okay.  But then in the morning, as soon as Howie and JC showed up, I was nobody again.  He makes this big deal in front of other people.  When it’s just him and me, he’s one way.  When Joey’s there, he’s another way.  When anyone else is around, forget it, it’s like I’m an annoying insect.”

            “You’re fucking his boyfriend,” Erik said.  “Where the hell is it?” he asked himself, rummaging among the hangers in his closet.

            Ashley stared at Erik’s back, incredulous.  “Are you even listening to me?”

            “I’m listening, but you haven’t said anything new,” Erik said, finally facing him.  “Joey’s with Nick, Nick’s with Joey, you’re in love and you’re getting laid but they’re not treating you right.  Everyone’s mean to you because you’re the other woman.  I get it.  What do you want me to do about it?”

            “You’re supposed to be my friend,” Ashley said.  “That’s what I want you to do.”

            “You’re not the only person around here with a life,” Erik said, picking up a pair of pants from the bed.  “I have my own things going on, I have my own shit to handle.  You’re not the only one everyone thinks is fucking up.  You’re not the only one getting bitched out.  You’re not the only one affected by someone else’s relationship.  But you’re trying to break people up, and I’m trying to put them back together.”

            “How fucking noble of you,” Ashley snapped, offended, hurt.  “I’m the whore and you’re the misunderstood martyr.”

            “Someone almost killed me yesterday,” Erik said, his expression flat, his tone hostile.  “I’ve had to figure a few things out about my life since then.  Listening to you whine about how the guys you’re fucking aren’t nice enough to you isn’t at the top of my priority list.  But here’s some advice.”  Fed up, Erik almost shouted it.  “Stop fucking them!”

            Ashley stared at Erik in shocked fury, stunned that he could be so cruel.  “Okay,” Ashley shot back.  “I’ll stop fucking Joey when you stop fucking JC.  And I’ll stop fucking Nick when you stop fucking Howie.”

            “I’m not fucking them!” Erik shouted.  “Do I look like somebody who rolls over and takes it, to you?  Do I look like somebody who gives other guys head?!”

            “You don’t look like somebody who fucked my girlfriend,” Ashley said.  “But you are.  So maybe I don’t know what to think when I look at you anymore.”

            Erik watched Ashley go.

            He hurled his pants across the room.  “Shit.”

            Trevor was in Chris’s bathroom, trying to dry off, pained by the tragedy of his hair, when a new stream of water hit him.  “Hey!”

            “Hey, yourself,” Chris said, lowering the gun.  “Lance wants privacy, so go play.”

            “Do you-”

            “You don’t have to leave, just…be in other rooms,” Chris said.

            “Okay,” Trevor said.  He was cool with that.

            Chris put a hand on his arm, looking into his eyes, for once wholly serious.  “This is private to Lance and important to me.”

            Chris didn’t want him to eavesdrop.  Trevor wasn’t offended by the insinuation; he appreciated Chris respecting him enough to be clear, and to trust him not to eavesdrop if specifically asked.  Especially since most people, if asked not to listen in, would immediately find a way to do so.  “Okay.”

            “Thanks.”  Chris kissed him.  “I won.”

            What?!  “I kicked your ass,” Trevor said.  “I can’t believe you’d say that.”

            “You had a lot of stray shots,” Chris said.

            “Stray - - I have killer aim!” Trevor protested.  “You’re twenty times wetter than I am.  A hundred times.”

            “I won,” Chris said again, with perfect confidence.

            “How could you have won?!” Trevor demanded.  “I-”

            “Rematch?” Chris asked.

            “Rematch,” Trevor agreed instantly.  “Total rematch.  I’ll not only kick your ass, I’ll make you admit it.”

            Chris grinned.  “You can try.”

            Once the kitchen was spotless, Justin showered.  He didn’t want to wash away traces of Kevin, but AJ insisted, and he couldn’t afford to disobey.

            He lingered in the shower, closing his eyes under the hot water, remembering the stroke of Kevin’s skin against his own, remembering the swelling of Kevin’s erection in his hand.  Kevin’s voice soft in his ears.  Kevin’s touch exploring his body.

            The powerful thrusting.  The crippling need.  The amazing-

            “Justin!”

            Damn it.  Dousing himself with cold water, Justin got out of the shower, drying off quickly.  AJ was waiting for him, sitting on the bed beside a pile of clothes.

            Familiar clothes.

            “These are mine,” Justin said.

            “Yes, they are,” AJ agreed.

            “I hate that,” Justin muttered, getting dressed.  “Stop going into my house without permission.”

            “Okay,” AJ said mildly.  Justin didn’t believe him for a second.  “Did you have a good time with Kevin?”

            “Oh, my god,” Justin said, zipping up and giving AJ an excited smile.  “He’s going to come back.  He told me that we could do this again.  When he showed up I thought I was hallucinating, I couldn’t believe he’d come for me.  We made love, and made love, and made love.  I did everything that he asked.  I really think that he knows I’d do anything for him.”

            “So, basically, he fucked you a lot,” AJ said.

            “He’s incredible,” Justin said.  There weren’t words to express it.  “He’s so much better than you are.  When I felt his-”

            “I don’t need details,” AJ said.  “Are you ready to go?”

            “He’ll be back,” Justin said.  “He knows that I love him.  He’ll be back.”

            “Good for you,” AJ said.

            “No one fucks like Kevin does,” Justin said.  “No one talks like he does.  No one can make me feel like that.  He’s so powerful, and he’s so confident.  When he-”

            “Come on,” AJ said, herding him from the room.  “Let’s take this to the car.”

            “I forgot to shave,” Justin said.  “I had to shave for him.  I have to remember that for next time.  Don’t let me forget again.”

            “I think that you’ll remember,” AJ said.

            Lance rested his ass against the bathroom sink as Chris undressed.  “You should have taken off your shoes.”

            “I needed them for traction.”  Each item of soaked clothing hit the floor with a heavy thwap.  “How’s Brian?”

            Lance didn’t know how to have that conversation with Chris.  “He’s busy.  With Jacob.”

            Chris’s gaze was direct.  Disconcertingly so.  “Are you making him happy?”

            Lance didn’t want to answer that question.  There was no right answer.  If he said no, Chris would be upset.  If he said yes, yes he was making Brian happy, yes he was fucking Brian’s eager body and satisfying Brian’s sexual needs - - which would be worse?  A lie or the truth?

            “He wants you to love him.”  Chris’s gaze fell away; he toweled himself dry with automatic, somewhat jerky movements.  “I know that you don’t love him, but he wants you to love him, and I…”

            He shouldn’t have come over.  Why had he?  To spend time with Chris like a good friend would?  To check in and see for himself that Chris was fine?  To absolve himself of guilt before he fucked Brian again?

            “I want what Brian wants.”  Chris twisted the towel without looking at it.  “Brian wants you to love him, so I want you to love him.  Even if you don’t love him right now, be nice to him.  Be good to him and keep him happy and pretend to care.  Pretend to care about him.”

            Lance had to say something.  He had to find a way to put Chris at ease, if he could.  If anything could.  “I’ve…been nice to him.  We’ve been getting along.”

            “Good.”  Chris bustled out of the bathroom.  “Good.”  Over to the closet.  “Good.”  Chris began to dress too quickly.  “Good.”

            Lance had been living inside his own skin too much, and it had been making him miserable.  Dealing with Jacob, Howie, Brian, his fears, his insecurities, his doubts, he’d wanted to get away from himself and focus on someone else.  Think outside of himself.  So he’d come to Chris.

            But he was only doing damage here.  Damage that was more than apparent in the tremors in Chris’s hands and the choked stuttering of the repetitive, “Good.  Good.  Good.”

            “Chris,” Lance said, not knowing what would come after that, but needing to begin.

            Abruptly, Chris shoved past Lance, exiting the closet with sudden energy, like he absolutely had to get out.  Dressed now, turning his back to the bed, he met Lance’s eyes with determination and desperation.  “You have to be good to him.  You can’t just make him come.  That’s not enough.  He’s Brian.  You have to treat him better than that.  You can’t just fuck him, he’s not - - he’s Brian, he deserves better, he deserves to be savored and treasured.  You have to treat him with love and respect.”

            Lance recalled the way Brian had responded to him the night before, and was certain that Brian had no complaints about their sex life.  But he had that thought without a trace of smugness, only sadness.  Sympathy, for Chris.  Lance didn’t want Brian for himself, not compared to the way he wanted Howie.  Not compared to the way Chris wanted Brian.  It wasn’t fair for him to have such easy access to Brian, for Brian to desire him, while Chris’s urgent, ever-present love for Brian went unrequited.

            “You can’t slap him on the ass,” Chris insisted with a flare of anger.  “He’s not your bitch.  He’s Brian.  You - - he’s Brian!”

            “I know,” Lance said, glancing at the closed bedroom door.  He sincerely wanted to calm and appease Chris, but he also wanted to do it quickly, before Trevor overheard Chris’s raised voice.  “I know.  I’ll-”

            “You don’t know!”  Chris’s expression was angry and bitter, frustrated and disbelieving, like that of a man with deep convictions locked in argument with someone who refused to consider the facts.  “You don’t love Brian.  You don’t wake up in the middle of the night just to stare at how beautiful he is in moonlight.  You haven’t spent three hours kissing his stomach.  Your heart doesn’t beat faster at the sound of his voice.”

            “I’ll never love him the way you do,” Lance said.  “I’d never compete with you, Chris.  I don’t-”

            “Who’s his best friend in all of the world?” Chris asked.  “What’s his favorite kind of bread?  Which order does he brush his teeth in?  What’s his favorite airline?  What kind of socks does he buy?  Where does he like to be kissed most?  Where does he like to be touched most?  What does it mean when he scratches his right elbow?”

            Lance couldn’t have confidently answered any one of those questions about Brian.

            He could have answered all of them, and many more, about Howie.

            “I don’t know,” he said quietly.  Respectfully.  “Will you tell me?”

            Chris twitched, then tugged at his clothes, conflicted.

            “It’s okay,” Lance said.  “You don’t have to.”

            “He might want me to,” Chris said, agitated.  “Brian-”

            “It’s okay,” Lance repeated softly.  “You don’t have to.”  It hurt, to see Chris like this.  But Chris would do anything that he suspected Brian might possibly want from him, and Lance admired that unwavering devotion.  Lance wasn’t brave enough to stand by that impulse in himself.  “I’ll learn more about Brian when it’s time.”

            “I don’t want to share my Brian,” Chris said, looking down and rubbing his hands together, twisting his fingers.  “There’s so much…”  Chris’s voice drifted into misery.  “So much.”

Lance didn’t know exactly what Chris meant by those last words, but he understood the sentiment of not wanting to share.  “I don’t want to share Howie, either.”  He could spare that moment of honesty; it was the least of what he could do for Chris.

            “Was there a Howie that was just yours?”  When Chris lifted his gaze to Lance, it was piercing.  “Just for you?  A private, special person only you knew?”

            Lance would have smiled in recognition if his heart hadn’t suddenly hurt so much.  “Yes.”

            “Do you still see him, sometimes?” Chris asked.

            Lance swallowed at the press of memories.  “Sometimes.”  He’d caught glimpses of that Howie.  Maybe that was his imagination.  Wishful thinking.  That Howie had never really existed, to begin with.  He couldn’t be around anymore.

            “I miss Brian,” Chris said.

            Lance wondered if there could be more of an understatement.  He had to get Chris onto another topic.  Was there another subject in Chris’s life?

            Chris sat on the side of the bed.

            Lance sat beside him.

            A moment passed in silence.

            “Did you get my message about Justin and AJ?”

            “Yeah.”

            There was something that he wanted to ask Chris, and now was as good a time as any.  “When you’re with Kevin…  Is he treating you…”

            “Kevin’s good to me,” Chris said, pulling up his legs.

            “After what he’s done to Justin…”  Lance couldn’t imagine that Kevin would do those things to Chris, but then again, he wouldn’t have imagined that Kevin would do them to Justin, either.

            “Kevin’s good to me,” Chris repeated.  “We danced.  In tuxedoes.  In a hotel room.  Kevin makes my life easier.  He’s good to me and I’m loyal to him, as much as I can be.”

            They’d danced in tuxedoes in a hotel room?  Chris and Kevin?  That part surprised him; as for the rest, Lance wasn’t satisfied, but he didn’t want to press for more.  Chris hadn’t seemed much worse under Kevin’s influence, and he hadn’t seen signs that Kevin tortured Chris…yet.

            Chris fidgeted quietly.

            Lance didn’t know how to comfort him.

            “AJ tried to kill Erik,” Chris said.

            “Too bad it didn’t work.”

            Lance’s tone came out too bitter, too serious.  Chris’s lips quirked into a brief, understanding smile.  Lance smiled, seeing Chris smile.

            “You’ve spent time with them,” Lance said.  “What are they like?  What’s Erik like?  What’s Trevor like?”

            Chris made a little thoughtful noise and rubbed his nose.  “You’ve barely met them.”

            “I know Jacob a lot better than I want to.”

            “He likes me,” Chris said.  “That hurts my brain.”  He tucked and untucked his legs, thinking.  “Erik likes to share fun but he doesn’t like to share what’s really going on inside.  Once he’s been burned he doesn’t want to trust again.  Ashley wants to trust everyone, he wants to believe the best of everybody.  He gives the benefit of the doubt long after he should.  Everyone has a second chance with Ashley.”

            “That’ll make Joey’s job easier.”

“Ashley loves Joey,” Chris said.  “I remember falling in love.”

Lance closed his eyes until the wave of memory and emotion passed.

“Dan’s strong enough to pull Justin out of hell,” Chris said.  “He made a difference.  But I don’t know if he’ll get another chance.”

Lance didn’t want to believe that they were deliberately destroying Justin’s shot at wholeness.  Justin had been getting better, before they’d all come together again.  Once this game ended, and Kevin’s influence was gone, Justin would recover.  He’d be fine.  They all would.  It just took time.

“Trevor’s perfect for me without being perfect,” Chris said.  “He’s fun and sexy and frustrated and worried and deep and real.  He makes me want to get excited about music and life and sex and the industry all over again.”

Lance wanted to say, “That’s great,” but it wasn’t great.  It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.  It wasn’t anything.  What Trevor was really like, and what he inspired in Chris, was irrelevant.  They were about to destroy all of it, regardless.

“He’s in love with me,” Chris said.  “I try not to think about that, but it sticks with me.”

            At least someone found Chris worthy of love.  Lance hadn’t been that lucky.  Lance grimaced, pushing away the burst of self-pity.  This wasn’t about him.  “Joey doesn’t seem bothered by Ashley’s love.”

            “Not now,” Chris said.  “He will be.”

            They were halfway to Justin’s house when AJ asked, “Are you going to smile and bounce around like that all night?”

            “All week,” Justin said, grinning.  “Kevin-”

            “He came for you, he fucked you, the world is bright again,” AJ said.

            “He looked so…sexy,” Justin said, taking a deep breath.  “He has such a great body, I love Kevin’s body.  When he looks at me like that…”

            “Like what?” AJ asked.

            “Like anything,” Justin said breathlessly.

            AJ smiled.  “You’re adorable when you’re like this.”

            Justin was too love-struck to respond to that.  “I love the way he kisses me.”

            “You love the way Kevin does everything,” AJ said.

            Justin remembered something, and glanced at AJ.  “Thank you.”

            “For bringing you clothes so you wouldn’t have to go home naked?” AJ asked.

            “For telling Kevin that I’ve listened to you.”

            “You’ve been doing a good job lately,” AJ said.  “I give credit where it’s due.”

            “Thank you.”  Justin’s gaze drifted to the night sky.  “I wonder what he’s doing now.  I wonder when he’ll come for me again.  How long do you think it’ll be?”

            “Where are you going now?” Ashley asked as Erik ran downstairs in…a suit and tie?

            “Out,” Erik said, heading for the door.  “Don’t wait up.”

            “Chris must be hanging around a lot again,” Nick said to Jacob.

            “You’re not going to call him the Kirkinator?” Joey asked, grinning.

            “Why do you do this to me?” Nick asked Joey.  “Why do you have to make fun of me on a day I’m trying to make new friends?”

            “You’re not making new friends,” Joey said.

            “Brian’s all about Jacob, I’m trying to get to know Jacob, and you’re making fun of me,” Nick said.

            “Sorry,” Joey said, and kissed his cheek.  “Get over it.”

            Nick laughed.  “Do you want me to call him the Kirkinator?”

            “No, I want you to call him Chris,” Joey said.

            “That’s what I always call him,” Nick said.  “Maybe it’s time for a change.”  He turned to Brian.  “What should I call Chris?”

            “Don’t ask him,” Joey said.

            “What’s wrong with asking me?” Brian asked.  “I might have good ideas.”

            “What about the Trickinator?” Nick asked.

            “That’s terrible,” Joey said.  “What’s wrong with you?  How do these things get into your head?”

            “I don’t know, Fuckgod, how do they?” Nick asked.  Brian choked; Joey burst into laughter.

            Jacob didn’t know whether they were funny or irritatingly stupid.  He couldn’t tell.

            Nick patted Brian on the back.  “Let’s start over,” he said.  “Chris must be hanging around a lot again.”

            “Yeah,” Jacob said, as Brian stopped coughing.  “He’s pretty much a part of the household.”

            “He and Trevor have to look cute together,” Nick said.

            “Or weird together,” Joey said.

            Jacob disliked Joey more than he disliked Nick.

            “We should hang out with them,” Nick said.

            “You like Trevor?” Joey asked.

            “I like Chris,” Nick said.  “Trevor seems okay.  Kevin likes him.”

            “Oh, okay, if Kevin likes him,” Joey said.  “He must be terrific.”

            “It doesn’t happen a lot that the ex-boyfriend likes the new boyfriend,” Nick said.  “But Kevin thinks that Trevor’s a great guy, and he’s really happy for them.  If Kevin supports them getting together, I figure Trevor must be an okay guy.”

            “Trevor’s great,” Jacob said.  “He and Chris have a lot of fun.”

            “When they weren’t talking anymore, we kept trying to get Chris to call him,” Joey said.

            “We wanted them to get back together, too,” Jacob said.  “Trevor was miserable.”

            “It’s great to see Chris happy again,” Brian said.  “After Kevin…  He really seemed to take it hard.”

            “We were worried about him,” Joey said.  “He’s really different, now.  He’s changed, he’s happier.”

            “Break-ups are so hard,” Brian said.  “AJ was a mess without Justin.”

            “Justin was a mess without AJ,” Joey said.

            “I’ve never seen them like that,” Nick said.  “AJ went crazy.  Justin lost his mind.”

            “They’re not usually like that,” Brian told Jacob.  “Not either one of them.  You haven’t even really met the real AJ and Justin yet.”

            “I’m not sure that I want to,” Jacob said.

            Nick met his eyes.  “Sorry about…what they did to you.”

            “It’s okay,” Jacob said.  “You don’t run their lives.”  He wasn’t upset about it, but he didn’t like, trust, or respect AJ or Justin.

            “AJ and Justin are back together.  Chris and Trevor are friends again.”  Brian paused to chew.  “That just leaves Howie and JC.”

            “Don’t get us started,” Nick said.

            “We saw them the other day,” Joey said.  “At my place, Nick just happened to have Howie meet him there at the same time that I just happened to invite JC over.”  He hesitated.  “I’m not used to seeing them awkward around each other.  There was so much tension in the room.”

            “The only thing they had to talk about was Erik,” Nick said.  “Erik-Michael this, Erik-Michael that.”

            Jacob decided not to mention that he’d already heard this story from Ashley, who they were conveniently leaving out of their version.

            “Really,” Brian said.  He didn’t sound happy about it.

            “It was hard to get them in the same place at the same time, to begin with, because one of them is always with Estrada,” Nick said.  “Then, when we finally got them together, they talked about him.  What is it with this guy?”

            “Erik’s…a lot of fun,” Brian said, like he wanted to be loyal to Erik for Jacob’s sake but couldn’t put his heart into it.

            “Seriously,” Nick said to Jacob.  “Howie and JC can be kind of private about their relationship.  Now Erik’s all up in the middle of it, but they haven’t said a lot about that.  Maybe you can tell us something about him.”

            “Like why he thinks Howie would choose him over JC,” Joey said.

            “We don’t have to take it there,” Nick said.

            “It’s already there,” Joey said.

            “I don’t know Erik, but Jacob does, so let him tell us more about him,” Nick said.

            “Brian’s right,” Jacob said.  “Erik’s a lot of fun.  He doesn’t take himself too seriously.  He’s a great guy.  If Howie and JC are having problems, then I’m sorry to hear it, but that’s not Erik’s fault.  He wouldn’t deliberately break up a solid couple.  Especially a gay couple, because he’s straight.”

            “For straight guys, Erik and Dan seem deep in the middle of gay relationships, and really close to gay men,” Joey said.

            “Straight people and gay people can be friends,” Nick said.  “Look at Brian, he’s straight, and everyone he knows is either gay or bi.”

            “Are you defending Erik and Dan?” Joey asked.

            “No, I wouldn’t trust Erik or Dan to walk my dog,” Nick said.  “I’m just making a point.”

            “You don’t have a dog,” Joey said.

            “That’s my point,” Nick said.

            Joey stared at Nick.  “I thought that ‘straight people and gay people can be friends’ was your point.”

            “It is,” Nick insisted.

            “Then what are you talking about?” Joey demanded.

            “I want Jacob to tell us about Erik!” Nick exclaimed.

            “What about him, specifically?” Brian asked.  Jacob was grateful to Brian for breaking the flow of Nick and Joey’s conversation before he got a headache.

            “Why is he spending so much time with JC and Howie?” Nick asked.  “Does he always latch onto people like that?  How much time is he really spending with them, because it looks pretty damned constant to me.”

            “He doesn’t always tell us where he’s going when he leaves the house, so I don’t know how much time he spends where,” Jacob said.  “He sleeps away from home a lot, but he could have some girl on the side.  Erik has friends, but I don’t remember him being this close to someone this fast.  Maybe they have a lot in common.”

            “Like what?” Joey asked.

            “They sing, dance, tour, promote, write music, and have a lot of stuff in common that you and I have in common,” Nick said to Joey.  “Erik’s at a place on the path that Howie and JC have already been through, so they know what it’s like.  Erik probably gets a lot from them.”

            “They probably get a lot from Erik, too,” Brian said.  “Talking to Jacob has brought a lot back for me.”

            “God, don’t get started,” Nick said.  “We’re almost finished eating and I want to get home some time tonight.”

            “What’s your problem?” Jacob asked, puzzled.

            “Brian won’t shut up about you,” Nick said.  “That’s cool, it’s great that he has someone he’s really connected with.  In this business, people hang around for a lot of the wrong reasons.  Not everybody always has your best interests in mind, and you have to be careful.  But you’re not using him, and that’s great.  Except maybe it would be nice to talk to Brian for five minutes and not get half an hour of Jacob this, Jacob that, Jacob said, Jacob thinks.”

            Really?  He’d had no idea.  Brian talked about him that much?  That often?  He wondered what Brian said about him.

            “That’s why I’m taking Jacob around to all of my friends,” Brian said.  “So you can all see for yourselves why I brag about him.”

            “Well, I’ve seen the pride and the loyalty and the honesty and the fabulous blue eyes,” Nick said.  “And the hair.  What does that leave, the musical stuff?”

            “I didn’t say fabulous blue eyes,” Brian told Jacob.

            “That’s true,” Nick said.  “You said incredibly rich, soulful blue eyes.  I just didn’t want to quote that and embarrass you in public.”

            “You think my eyes are soulful?” Jacob asked Brian, fascinated, grinning.

            “We were comparing blue eyes,” Brian said.  “I just said that I liked your blue, because it was such a strong blue.”

            “Such a strong blue,” Nick said, sighing wistfully.  “On fire with all of his conviction.”

            “Shut up,” Brian said, laughing.

            “Do you always talk about me that way?” Jacob asked Brian.

            “No,” Brian said.

            “Yes,” Nick said.  “So tell me about some music stuff.  Brian said you were writing something I had to hear.  Something about…fireflies?”

            When he got home, Justin was too energized to sit still, so AJ turned on some music.  Justin danced slowly, by himself, eyes closed, floating on air, twisting sinuously with the beat.

            “JC,” Howie said, and looked at him like he was beautiful.  “Thank you for coming.”

            If Howie was going to address him like he was JC, he’d respond like he was JC.  Howie’s hair looked glossy and Howie’s lips looked pink.  Erik loved the suit Howie had on so much, he wanted to take it off of him and fuck him on top of it.  “When I got your invitation, I didn’t know what to expect,” he said, looking around.  The whole house was dimly lit, with veiled lamps in corners, and strategically placed candles leading a path back toward the dining room.  “This looks amazing.”

            “You look amazing,” Howie said softly, giving him such a sincerely loving gaze, he felt himself turn red.

            “You look great, too,” Erik said, with less grace than JC would have.

            “I went ahead and ordered for us,” Howie said, leading him deeper into the house and to the dining room.  “I hope that’s all right.”

            “That’s fine,” Erik said, staring.  What the hell had Howie been doing while he’d been gone?  The whole fucking dining room table was gone.  There was a smaller, cozier table in its place, intimately set with dinner for two.  Other small tables elegantly dotted the room, bearing covered dishes and candelabras.  Candelabras.  Where the hell was the dining room table?

            Erik sat, stunned and a little in awe of Howie.  A little jealous of JC, for having someone who loved him this much.  And this was just the practice dinner?  What was the real thing going to be like?  Would the waiters release doves at the start of each course?

            Howie lifted the cover from the salad at each place, then poured wine, sitting across from him.  “Let’s start dinner with a toast,” Howie said, lifting a glass and meeting his eyes with a gaze that saw right into him.  “A toast to you,” Howie added, his voice soft with meaning.  “To you, and to all of the brilliance that you’ve brought to my life.”

            Erik didn’t know what to say to that.  He touched his glass to Howie’s, suddenly aware that he was holding very fine crystal, and took a sip.  He wondered if he’d ever brought brilliance to anyone’s life.  Probably not.

            “You look so beautiful in candlelight,” Howie said softly, and the more Howie looked at him like that, the more he wanted to be JC, for a little while.  “You always have.”

            “So do you,” Erik said.  It was true; Howie’s skin glowed.  Howie was singularly beautiful, but Erik suddenly didn’t know how to say that without sounding clichéd or insincere.  He was sure that JC would know exactly what to say.  “I’ve missed you,” he said.  “Everything that you sent was…”  Was what?

            “It was so much less than you deserve,” Howie said.  “I want to treat you like a king, JC.  I want to give you everything.”

            Erik ate a forkful of salad to buy time.  “If you’re looking for a second chance…”

            “This isn’t about me,” Howie said.  “Tonight is about you.  I want you to know how loved you are, JC.  I want you to feel it.  Tonight, and every night.  Every day.”

            Wow.  Howie was good.  Erik poked his tines through his salad, looking down.  He could only take so much of the “I love you from the depths of my soul, and I always will” look that Howie was giving him.

            “I’m sorry, JC,” Howie said.  The regret in his voice made Erik look up again; his eyes shone with sad love.  “I’m so sorry that you misunderstood.  You should never feel second-best in anyone’s eyes, not for one minute.  I would never, in a million years, want you to think that I don’t cherish what we have.  I’d do anything to protect our love.”

            “I…  It seemed like…”  Erik hadn’t realized that he should have rehearsed for dinner conversation.  No one had ever talked to him like this before.  He didn’t know how to respond to this kind of love.

            “There’s no one else, JC,” Howie said with soft passion.  “There couldn’t be.  Not the way I love you.”

            What the hell was he supposed to say to that?  Howie was about to proclaim undying love.  How was Erik supposed to reply to that?  Especially when he was talking to a guy who wasn’t talking to him?  “I guess you’re lucky I showed up for dinner, then.”

            Howie laughed with such real amusement that Erik immediately felt better.  He wasn’t JC, but he wasn’t fucking this up, either.  He liked to see Howie laughing, too.  “I always enjoy myself with you, JC,” Howie said, reaching across the table and taking his hand.  “You’re my partner, and I mean that in the truest sense of the word.”  Howie’s eyes shimmered with sincerity.  “We’re a team, JC.  We’re a unit.  I can’t do this without you.  Nothing feels complete if you’re not by my side.”

            Erik gave Howie’s hand a little squeeze.  “You’re my partner, too.”

            Howie’s smile was so happy, Erik felt like he’d said the perfect thing.  “You always understand me,” Howie said, and he sounded so caught up, Erik almost expected a glimmer of tears.  “You always know where I’m coming from.”

            “I, uh…”  He wanted to say the perfect thing again.  “We’ve been so close…”

            “So close,” Howie agreed softly, lacing their fingers, gazing at him with an obvious desire to connect.  Erik was more trapped by the love and yearning in Howie’s gaze than the touch of Howie’s hand.  Howie’s emotion was so real, Erik began to forget that it wasn’t aimed at him.  “You know me so well, JC.  You know everything about me.  Everything that I think, you know that it’s on my mind.  Everything that I feel, you understand.”  Heat glowed in Howie’s eyes.  “Everything that I need, you give to me.”

            A spark sizzled over Erik’s spine.  “You give me everything that I need, too.”

            “That’s what I want,” Howie whispered, holding his hand more tightly.  “I want to give you everything, JC.  Everything you want.”  Howie’s voice was earnest.  “It’s been killing me, all of this time without you.  All of these nights when I couldn’t give what it’s so important to me to give to you.  I’ve been lying awake, thinking about you.  The way you touch me.  The way you respond to me.”

            “I’ve wanted you so much,” Erik said, burning with the remembered warmth of Howie’s body.

            “The curve of your spine when you arch your back,” Howie said, and Erik swallowed at the intensity in Howie’s voice.  The love in Howie’s eyes had been consumed by lust so strong Erik could feel it against his skin.  “The way your hands move over me.  The way you open to me.  All I can do is think about being inside you again,” Howie whispered.  “Tell me that you think about it, too.”

            The sex in Howie’s voice was overwhelming.  “Every second,” Erik whispered back.

Continue on to part fifty-nine

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