Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-September 23, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Continued from part forty-nine...
They fucked some more, but Joey couldn’t get into it. His body went through the motions, but his mind was in other places.
After Ashley, exhausted, fell asleep, they cleaned him up, and Joey tugged Nick into the bathroom. “What was that?” he demanded.
“What was what?” Nick asked, scrubbing off stray smears of cum.
“What was the point of that display? Why’d you get in him if you weren’t going to stay there?”
“Angel’s a whore,” Nick said, “but he’s your whore. Even when my dick is in him, he still wants you. He’ll always want you. What I can offer him sexually, hell, obviously he wants it, but he’s in love with you. He doesn’t love me. I wanted you to see it, so in the future, no matter how loud he gets for me, you know it’s just sex. His body’s available for anyone who wants it, but his heart is all yours.”
Nick knew he’d been jealous. Damn it.
Nick kissed him. “So stop giving me dirty, crazy looks every time I’m near him. It’s just sex. Some people have physical chemistry, and he and I have a lot of it, but there’s nothing more to it. He responds to dick. I respond to pretty.” Nick shrugged.
“You respond to pretty?” Joey asked.
“Like JC,” Nick said. “JC has a hell of a lot of pretty. So does Angel. I like that.”
“You must hate having to fuck me,” Joey said.
Nick smiled, fingers rubbing over his beard. “Joey, why would I have a boyfriend I didn’t want?”
“I’m not your boyfriend,” Joey said.
“Don’t be stupid.” Nick kissed him. “I love you. Now come to bed.”
They’d taken the remote control from AJ. Howie paused on Dan in mid-orgasm.
“So strong,” Brian whispered. “So weak.”
“I could have done good things with him,” Kevin said.
“So passionate,” Brian said, drawn to the TV. “So intense.”
“That confidence,” Howie said. “If that self-control snaps…”
“Sure of himself,” Brian said. “But humble, so humble…”
“He’ll do anything for Justin,” AJ said. “Anything for his friends.”
“A martyr,” Kevin said. “Someone should tell him that Justin can never be saved.”
Trevor’s arms hugged Chris’s waist, his cheek on Chris’s stomach.
Chris stroked Trevor’s hairline. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Trevor said sleepily.
Chris’s fingertips stroked over Trevor’s eyebrows. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Wouldn’t rather be anywhere else,” Trevor said.
Chris closed his eyes. Someone wanted to be with him, and only him, above all else. Someone chose him first.
Dan spooned up behind Justin, holding him tightly. Keeping him safe.
“Give me your hand,” Justin said.
One arm still locked securely around Justin, Dan offered Justin his hand.
Justin guided it up his chest, pressing Dan’s palm flat over his heart. “Do you feel that?”
“I do,” Dan said, memorizing the rhythm of it.
“I’m not afraid,” Justin said. “I won’t wake up screaming and I won’t stay awake crying and I won’t have nightmares. I’m going to have good dreams and peaceful sleep. Because of you, because you’re here, because you make me feel safe. Because I know you’re here to protect me. Because I know that there’s someone who will do anything for me.”
“I want you to feel safe every night,” Dan said. “Every day.” He was committed to Justin, and hearing about the positive ways that he’d helped Justin only reaffirmed that commitment. Justin was an amazing person, and Dan could see so much more of Justin in there, just waiting to be let out. Justin was a lot stronger than he gave himself credit for, and independent, and Dan couldn’t wait to see him truly grow. Blossom. Flourish.
Dan wasn’t prepared to talk to Justin about his fight with the guys. What could he say? That they’d accused him of breaking up Justin and AJ for his own selfish reasons? Of doing it because he wanted Justin in his own bed? Knowing that wouldn’t help Justin, it would only make things harder. Dan didn’t need any more complications. He wouldn’t burden Justin with his own problems.
He wasn’t helping Justin to win Justin’s gratitude, but he was making an effort and making sacrifices, and Justin appreciated that. He was doing his best to help Justin, and Justin let him know that he was indeed helping.
He tried to help his friends, and they turned on him. He fucked AJ behind Justin’s back to protect the guys, and they accused him of doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons. They thought that he should have left Justin with AJ. He told them, specifically, that AJ was after them and that they shouldn’t answer the door, and they answered the damned door. Why couldn’t they listen to him? Why didn’t they trust his judgment? He put himself on the line, and no one but Justin gave a fuck.
He loved them, and he regretted the fight, and he wanted to take back the things that he’d said. But they’d second-guessed and insinuated and accused, acting like his friendship with Justin was everything other than what it really was. He’d given up so much for Justin, he’d continue to sacrifice whatever was necessary to help Justin, but his friends treated it like he was only out for himself.
They weren’t grateful to him because they didn’t know what he’d done. There was no way for them to know that he’d given AJ his body to protect them. But didn’t they know that he always looked out for them? Why wouldn’t they recognize that he wouldn’t let anything happen to them? Were they that selfish? That ungrateful? Did they know nothing about him? Had these years of friendship shown them nothing about his character?
He knew Justin, and Justin’s situation, better than they ever would, because he’d seen Justin come apart. But maybe Justin knew him better than even his best friends.
Justin’s fingers rubbed slowly over the back of Dan’s hand. “Dan.”
“Yeah?” Dan asked.
“Recite something for me.”
Dan smiled slightly. “Okay.” He kept his hand pressed to Justin’s chest. “My true-love hath my heart, and I have his, / By just exchange for one another given.”
“And I have his,” Justin murmured, stroking Dan’s fingers.
“I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss, / There never was a better bargain driven: / My true-love hath my heart, and I have his.”
Justin turned, rolling over to face him, looking into his eyes with a hungry, wondering expression, hand stroking down Dan’s arm.
Dan held Justin’s gaze, mating palm to palm when Justin’s hand met his. “His heart in me keeps him and me in one, / My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides.”
Justin’s eyes closed, and he removed the inches between their bodies, wrapping his arms around Dan, his cheek against Dan’s cheek.
“He loves my heart, for once it was his own,” Dan said quietly, his own arms around Justin now, “I cherish his because in me it bides.”
“I’m going to cry,” Justin whispered. “Don’t you dare make me cry.”
“My true-love hath my heart,” Dan said, “and I have his.”
Justin held on more tightly, lowering his forehead to Dan’s shoulder. “He has mine, and I have his, and that makes us one. One, we’re one, I want to be one.”
Dan rubbed his hands over the muscles in Justin’s back, soothing. “You have to be in control and possession of your entire self first, before you can give away any body parts. You can’t give away what you don’t have.”
“Why can’t love be like that?” Justin asked, pain and heartache echoing through his voice. “Why can’t love be equal and perfect like in a poem? Why does it have to be crazy and scary until you feel like you’ve lost yourself and all that’s left is him?”
“Love doesn’t have to be scary,” Dan said. “Love doesn’t have to be crazy, and it’s not about losing yourself, either. It should be about finding yourself. You don’t lose yourself in someone else, you find the best of yourself there.”
Justin rubbed his chin over Dan’s shoulder. He sighed. “You say some great things.”
Dan’s hand ran slowly up and down Justin’s spine, calming him. “Thanks.”
Justin sighed again, more softly. “This feels so good.”
“It’s not bad,” Dan said. “I only have one problem with it.”
Justin made no effort to pull away. “What problem?”
Dan patted Justin’s back. “You are so naked right now.”
Ringing wakened JC. Crawling out from under Erik, he reached for the phone. It was too early. “This is JC.”
“JC, it’s Howie. Meet me in Joey’s driveway.”
“Right now?” JC asked.
“Right now,” Howie said. “I think that there’s something you need to see. If Erik asks, tell him that’s where you’re going.”
“Okay,” JC said. “I’ll be right there.” Hanging up, he ran his hand over Erik’s back, kissing Erik’s shoulder. “Come on, honey. Time to go home.”
Chris wriggled out of Trevor’s embrace, took a detour to the bathroom, and tucked himself behind a closed door down the hallway, dialing Kevin’s number.
“Kevin’s house.”
Chris’s eyebrows twitched. “Good morning, may I please speak with Kevin?”
“He’s busy. Give him a minute. How’ve you been? Everything going okay with Trevor?”
“I’m fine, thank you. Trevor’s asleep in my bed right now.”
“How is he in bed?”
“Not as good as Kevin.”
AJ laughed. “What about Brian, is he as good as Brian?”
“No one could be as perfect a lover as Brian,” Chris said, appalled. “No one could ever-”
“I know, I know, I’m just messing with you. Hold on, Kevin’s ready. Kevin! Chris is on the phone! Talk to you later,” AJ said.
“Chris?” Kevin asked.
“Good morning,” Chris said. “I have a minion update.”
“How is Trevor?” Kevin asked.
“He’s in love with me,” Chris said. “We’re not officially a couple, again, but we’re getting along very well. We had sex, and I’m letting him borrow one of my cars, since his is out of commission due to that unfortunate incident.”
“Good,” Kevin said. It was a simple word, but he sounded very pleased. “You’re doing a great job.”
“Thank you,” Chris said. “He asked me about Dan and Justin and AJ, and I tried to give him a coherent answer about Justin ultimately being happier with AJ, because Justin has needs that AJ can supply and Dan can’t.”
“Good,” Kevin said. “Very good.”
In the background, Chris heard Howie call out a good-bye. Howie was there. AJ was there. “Is Brian there?”
“You know that who is in my house is my business, and not yours,” Kevin said.
“Yes, sir,” Chris said.
“Since you’ve been doing so well, and everything is going so smoothly, I will tell you that yes, Brian is here,” Kevin said.
Chris’s heart beat faster. “Do you think he’d talk to me?”
“He’s asleep,” Kevin said. “I know that you don’t want to wake him up.”
“No, no,” Chris said quickly. He wouldn’t disturb Brian’s rest.
“I’d like to see you tonight,” Kevin said. “To talk about how well things have been going. To reward you. You’ll have to spend the night away from Trevor.”
“Okay,” Chris said. “Anything you want.”
“I’ll call you when I’m ready,” Kevin said. “Good-bye.”
“Good-bye,” Chris said. He hung up.
He wondered what his reward would be.
He wondered which room, which bed, Brian was sleeping in.
He wondered who else had been in that bed last night.
Nick’s truck.
JC pulled up in Joey’s driveway, getting out and walking over to Howie. “What’s going on?”
“How was Erik last night?” Howie asked.
“We had sex in the Townhouse,” JC said. That was Nick’s truck. “No one else was home.”
“What if someone had come home?” Howie asked.
“Then they would have found us fucking in Ashley’s bed,” JC said. “Or on the kitchen table.”
Howie smiled. “You’re going to get in trouble one day.”
Nick was inside Joey’s house. This early in the morning. “Why are we here?”
“You like Erik.”
JC frowned, thrown off-track by the non sequitur. “What?”
“You like Erik,” Howie repeated.
“What?” JC asked, immediately feeling
defensive. “I don’t like Erik.”
“You like him. You can’t like him, JC, you-”
“I don’t,” JC insisted. “What are you talking about?” Well, this settled the question of whether or not Howie felt the same odd affection for Erik that he did.
“You can’t afford to like him,” Howie said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “If you start to feel any interest in him, any empathy, any kind of friendship-”
“I don’t!” He’d get over it. He would. This was why he’d needed Howie, to keep him motivated, to keep him on the right page.
“It will ruin everything,” Howie said. “You will ruin everything. We might as well stop right now, both of us, because if you can’t do this I won’t do it without you.”
“We can’t quit!” JC protested.
“If you feel anything for Erik, you’re putting not only our plans in jeopardy, but everyone else’s, too. It’s too much of a risk. You could throw the whole game.”
“I don’t like him!”
“You have to be sure,” Howie said. “Have you felt any weakness, have you felt any…fondness?”
The idea of feeling anything for Erik seemed so foreign to Howie, JC couldn’t possibly admit that he’d experienced affection. “No, I-”
“What about sexually?” Howie asked. “You’ve been alone with him…”
Maybe if he admitted to this, then Howie would be satisfied, and they could drop the subject. Now that he and Howie were a solid team again, any lingering affection would dissipate, and the game would be safe. “I’m not used to… I have trouble separating sex and love.” Now he had to explain why. JC looked down at his hands, forming words. “Nick taught me that my body and my emotions are very connected. When he showed me how intimately connected sex and love are…”
“You have trouble untangling them,” Howie finished for him.
“I used to be able to have casual sex,” JC said. “I used to enjoy it. But Nick…” Nick had ruined him for anyone else, in a lot of ways.
“And you’ve been having sex with Erik, and your body interprets fucking as lovemaking,” Howie said.
“Yeah,” JC said. “That’s pretty much the problem.” He met Howie’s eyes. “And you programmed me to respond to him a little too well.”
“What can we do about that?” Howie asked.
“I think that… When you’re around, for more of a contrast, it’s different. When I’m alone with Erik, and that’s all of the sex that I’m getting…” He was grasping at straws, but they were significant nonetheless.
“I wanted to talk to you about us,” Howie said. “I really want to be with you, JC, my body’s begging me for it, but Erik picks up too well on that tension. I think that it’ll be better if you and I don’t have sex right now, not until we actually are back together.”
Oh, god, life was so unfair. Trapped with Erik, denied Howie, “What am I supposed to do?”
“We need to renew your focus,” Howie said.
Yes. Yes, that was exactly what he needed. “How?”
“Do you know whose car that is?”
JC glanced over at it. He’d been so focused on Nick’s truck that - - “That bitch.” That bitch! JC stared at the house, furious. “He-”
“You go in first,” Howie said. “I’ll come in a few minutes later. You’re surprised to see me and I’m surprised to see you.”
“I’m not going in there!” If he saw Ashley anywhere near Nick, he’d leave the bitch a bloody mess on the floor.
“You need the motivation,” Howie said. “You need this to stay focused. You need to feel the pain to give you purpose.”
JC stared at the bitch’s car. He knew exactly why Justin had keyed Trevor’s car. He wanted to key Ashley’s face.
“You and Joey are going shopping,” Howie said. “Nick and I are going out to breakfast. You’re surprised to find Ashley there, and it makes you suspicious. You can make subtle comments and give him odd looks, but don’t go too far.” Howie’s hand was on his arm. “Breaking his nose would be going too far.”
JC took a deep breath. He had to play the game. He had to do his part, and do it well. They’d all been warned; if they dropped the ball again, they’d end up playing the game alone. He couldn’t let Nick walk away.
“After we’re finished here, come home with me,” Howie said.
JC met Howie’s eyes. His voice was firm. “Tell me that I’m better than he is.”
“JC, you’re a phenomenon,” Howie said. “He’s a vapid slut.”
Exactly what he’d needed to hear. “Don’t take too long,” he said, and started for the house. He wasn’t sure if he’d last in there without Howie’s support.
Doorbell.
Nick opened his eyes. JC.
Sandwiched between him and Ashley, Joey groaned in sleepy denial.
“Go get that,” Nick said, rubbing his hand up and down Joey’s spine. “Tell them to go away, and come back to bed.”
Muttering, Joey crawled over Nick. Just as he was about to leave the bed, Nick tugged on his shoulder, pulling him in, and whispered in one ear. “You and JC are going shopping. Howie and I are going to breakfast. They don’t expect to see each other, and things might get awkward.”
“What?” Joey asked, clearly not functioning on all cylinders yet but having the presence of mind to keep his voice nearly inaudible.
Nick kissed his cheek. “Get the door.” JC could explain it to him.
With a frown, Joey climbed off of him, pulled on shorts, and left the bedroom.
Nick shifted closer to Ashley. He knew that everyone else thought that Ashley was cotton candy: sweet, but without substance. But Nick saw the substance. He just wasn’t ready to enlighten anyone else on the subject.
He tapped Ashley’s nose. “Hey, Angel.” He tapped Ashley’s chin.
Ashley swatted at his hand, eyes opening. “What?”
Nick smiled. “Nice work last night. Trying to
get Joey to think that you wanted him instead of me. Pretty good.”
Ashley’s eyes flashed with anger. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m paying you a compliment,” Nick said. “You’re learning to lie
to get what you want. I wouldn’t recommend that you do it a lot, with Joey, but
it’s a good trick.”
“You think that I was lying?” Ashley demanded. “I love Joey. I’m here for him.”
“Don’t worry. He believed you, and I’m not going to call you on it. Not this time.” Nick rolled onto his other side, giving Ashley his back. “But don’t push it.”
“You think that you know everything,” Ashley whispered, furious.
“I don’t know everything,” Nick said, closing his eyes. “I know you.”
JC reminded himself that Nick had sex with a lot of people. It didn’t mean anything. It was just sex. Getting off. Putting body parts together for sexual release. Joey just happened to be one of those people.
He explained to Joey that they were supposed to pretend to be about to go shopping, and that Howie and Nick were supposed to pretend to be about to go to breakfast.
“But why?” Joey asked. “Why are you here?”
“Howie thinks that I need motivation,” JC said. “If I see Ashley and Nick anywhere near each other, I’ll remember exactly why I need to stay in the game.”
Joey nodded. “Got it.” JC supposed that, considering whatever was happening between AJ and Dan, Joey did understand. “Go in the kitchen, and I’ll get things moving.”
JC wondered what exactly Nick and Joey did in bed together. Unwilling to ask, he went to the kitchen. He glanced into the refrigerator, looked through the cupboards, but he wasn’t really interested. He was just waiting for the bitch.
He didn’t have long to wait. Ashley was the first one to appear, giving him a brief smile. “Good morning.”
Ashley looked cute as ever first thing in the
morning. He’d probably looked just great in bed, waking up tangled in the
sheets. JC wondered how serious Howie had been about not breaking the bitch’s
nose. “Was that your car I saw outside?”
“Probably,” Ashley said.
JC let himself frown, although only slightly. “You spent the night?”
“Yeah.” Ashley looked uncertain now. “Joey invited me.”
The doorbell rang. JC wished that he didn’t have to pretend to be estranged from Howie, because he desperately needed Howie’s support. “Isn’t Nick here?”
“He’s here,” Ashley said.
JC pretended to be confused and disapproving. The disapproval didn’t take too much pretense.
Nick strode in, wearing a T-shirt and boxer-briefs, rumpled and sexy. “Hey, JC, what are you doing here?”
“Joey and I are going shopping.” Nick was ignoring the bitch right now, but Nick had fucked the bitch last night. JC needed to run his hands over Nick, to kiss Nick’s tattooed arms, to feel the warmth of Nick’s embrace.
“Great,” Nick said. He grinned. “Buy me something.”
“Anything you want,” JC said, pushing himself to smile casually, like it was a joke.
Howie walked into the kitchen with Joey. “Hi,” he said, looking surprised to see JC.
“Hi,” JC said, pretending to be just as surprised. Howie looked amazing, and JC wanted to stand beside him and feel strengthened by his presence. But just having Howie in the house, in the room, helped JC to draw on their partnership for support.
“You look good,” Howie said, like he wanted to say more.
“You look great,” JC said. It was true. Howie was gorgeous.
“Now tell me how great I look,” Nick said.
Howie smiled at Nick with genuine warmth.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, and JC smiled, too. JC envied Howie and Nick’s
obvious connection. Nick would never pretend not to care about Howie. If he
did, no one would believe it. Their bond was too strong, too apparent. “Now
get dressed so we can go.”
“Don’t rush me,” Nick said. “I just woke up. I haven’t even said
good morning to Joey yet.”
“Good morning,” Joey said. “You should get some breakfast,” he told Ashley. “You don’t want to be late for rehearsal.” He kissed back when Nick kissed him, and JC’s gut twisted.
“How’ve you been?” Howie asked JC quietly. It was a welcome distraction.
“I’ve been okay,” JC said, as Ashley and Joey moved around the kitchen. “I talked to Erik last night.”
“Yeah?” Howie asked. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s been really upset about something,” JC said, “but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He wouldn’t say much.”
A look of shame, guilt, and anger crossed Ashley’s face.
“He never seemed to have trouble keeping his mouth shut before,” Nick said.
“Stay out of it,” Joey said. “Pretty, can you get me the milk?”
“I don’t want to hear this,” Howie said to Nick.
“I don’t trust Estrada,” Nick said. “He lies his ass off and everybody knows it. I don’t trust Miller, either. He has everybody convinced that AJ’s some cruel, abusive motherfucker who beat up poor, defenseless Justin every damned day.”
“We just went over this last night,” Joey told Nick.
“It doesn’t piss you off that everybody thinks your best friend’s so weak and pathetic that he’d stay with someone who abused him?” Nick asked. “It doesn’t piss you off that everybody thinks Justin’s a sick little victim?”
“Justin’s not a victim,” JC said. “He’s so much better than that.” The Justin he knew and loved was gifted, driven, smart, independent. Not beaten and abused, cowering in a corner.
Not shackled to a toilet in a foreign country.
“They were so passionate about each other,” Howie said. “They had rough times, but everyone does.”
“AJ lost control at the end,” Nick said. “But things never would have gone down like that if it weren’t for Dan. AJ having to track Justin down in another man’s bed, what the hell is that?”
“Maybe AJ did lose control,” Howie said. “Justin’s lost control once or twice, too.”
“Dan should stay out of things he doesn’t understand,” Joey said.
Ashley looked like he really wanted to interrupt, but knew that he was outnumbered. JC was glad that the bitch knew when to shut up.
“It’s rough, to see someone interfering in your friend’s relationship,” Howie said. “You don’t necessarily want to step in, because it’s up to them, but it’s still hard.” He looked at Ashley.
Ashley realized that he was being looked at. His eyes widened as he realized what Howie meant. Color reddened his cheeks.
“Yeah, I know,” Nick said. “Maybe someone should pull Estrada aside and explain a few things to him.”
“Erik-Michael?” Howie asked with confused surprise. “Erik-Michael’s a good friend.”
“Erik-Michael is a lying manipulative son-of-a-bitch who’s more trouble than he’s worth,” Nick said. Ashley looked back and forth between Nick and Howie like he wanted to say or ask something, taking in every word.
“Erik-Michael’s been there for us,” JC said. “For both of us. I couldn’t have gotten through the past few days without him.”
“You wouldn’t be separated from Howie without him,” Nick said.
“That’s not true,” Howie said, injured and defensive at the accusation. “Erik-Michael has been a great friend. JC and I, our problems are personal, they have nothing to do with him.”
“The people causing problems are people like Dan,” JC said. “People who break up solid relationships.” He looked at Ashley. “Don’t you think so?”
“Dan and Erik are Ashley’s best friends,” Joey said, smoothing Ashley’s hair. “We can’t put him in the middle of it.”
“Angel doesn’t seem to have a problem putting himself in the middle of anything, all by himself,” Nick said. “I’m starving,” he added, turning his attention to Howie. “I’ll take a shower so we can go.”
Angel. He’d called the bitch Angel. Technically, it was the bitch’s name, but JC still wanted to rip off Ashley’s face.
“Let Ashley go first,” Joey said. “He has to get to rehearsal.”
“He’s eating,” Nick said.
“He’s almost done,” Joey said. “You can wait.”
“Since when do I have to wait in my own house to use my own shower?”
Nick asked.
“This is my house,” Joey said.
“It’s more mine than it is his,” Nick said.
“It’s mine, and he has somewhere to be,” Joey said.
“I have somewhere to be, too,” Nick said. “Doesn’t he have his own house, with his own shower and his own breakfast?”
“Don’t you?” Joey asked pointedly.
Nick glared at Joey. His voice was slow and warning. “Yes, but I’m your boyfriend.”
“Okay, okay,” Ashley said, draining his glass. “I’ll only take two minutes in the shower.”
“If you don’t move your ass fast enough, I’ll move it for you,” Nick said, as Ashley left the kitchen.
“Bitch,” JC whispered, as Ashley disappeared.
“Angel’s okay,” Nick said. “He’s a whore, but he’s Joey’s whore.”
“I can’t believe how weak he is,” Howie said, standing closer to JC now, his presence reassuring. “He has no shame.”
“Yeah, but he’s a great lay,” Nick said.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Joey said to JC.
“Not much does,” JC said, looking down so he wouldn’t look at Nick. Ashley was a great lay. He was a great lay. Nick masturbated to memories of their time together in Hawaii, but it was just sex. It was the sex that interested Nick. The sex that stayed on Nick’s mind. Not him, not JC, not his personality or his emotions or their shared experiences overall.
“Go check on Angel,” Nick told Joey. “Howie kept giving him dirty looks, and JC was glaring at him so much, he probably needs to be kissed up.”
“Did I overdo it?” JC asked, as Joey left the room.
“He deserved it, and he knows it,” Nick said. “Is he gone?”
Howie looked through the doorway. “We’re clear.”
JC looked at them curiously, wondering what they wanted to talk about out of Joey’s earshot, that he didn’t have to leave for, too.
“How was the Dan and AJ show?” Nick asked, leaning over the table.
“It was incredible,” Howie said, lowering his voice and leaning in towards Nick. “We couldn’t get over it. Dan is so strong and so weak at the same time.” He glanced at JC, so JC leaned in, too, the three of them putting their heads together, whispering. “AJ and Kevin and Brian and I got together last night to talk about things. We talked about the barbecue, about how we’re willing to stay committed if the five of you are really working on it. AJ had a tape of… Dan fucked him.”
“Fucked him?” JC whispered, shocked. “Dan?”
“AJ came,” Nick whispered.
JC met his gorgeous blue eyes, so
close. “I thought AJ…couldn’t…”
“He can’t,” Howie whispered.
Dan had fucked AJ. AJ had come from it. And they were talking about it in Joey’s kitchen. Oh, god. That was why Joey had been so upset, why he’d been with all of those women. Joey knew about Dan and AJ.
“Dan’s so passionate,” Howie whispered. “He’s so intense. It was just like the other tape we saw,” he told JC, “only so much more of it.”
JC could barely imagine.
“You know how confident he is, how disciplined, how much self-control he has,” Howie said. “But he’s so sweet and so humble.”
“He’ll do anything for Justin,” Nick said.
“And he’ll do anything for his friends,” Howie said. “That’s why he fucked AJ, to keep AJ from harassing them the way he harassed Ashley.”
“The bitch deserved it,” JC said.
“Now that he’s fucked AJ, he’s completely betrayed Justin,” Howie said. “He’s in over his head. He has to see it all through.”
“As far as Dan knows, if Justin ever finds out that he fucked AJ, it’s all over,” Nick said.
Damn. “What’s he going to do?” JC asked.
“Anything AJ wants.” Nick smiled. “Or else.”
Justin hugged Dan at the front door. “Come back after rehearsal.”
“Okay. We can work out.” One, two.
Three, four. “Good luck keeping up.”
Dan smiled. “Bye.”
Naked, clean, Ashley looked sexy spilled across Joey’s bed. Joey kissed him, dressing him slowly, pausing to stroke freshly washed skin.
Usually, he did a lot of undressing of his lovers, and let them clothe themselves. He’d dressed AJ, though.
He’d done everything for AJ.
Trevor wanted to park Chris’s car in the driveway, for everyone to see, but he decided to be mature and keep it safe in the garage.
He and Chris walked into the house together. “You didn’t have to come.”
“I like being with you,” Chris said. “And being in a room with a group of guys practicing choreography just seems so familiar, somehow.”
As they neared the practice room, Trevor frowned. Jacob and Erik were in there, yelling. “Shit.” He walked faster, entering the room as-
Wham!
“You fucking-”
“Stop it!” Trevor protested, not sure which one of them to reach for first without losing an eye. “Stop it!”
“Oh, not good, not good,” Chris said.
“Knock it off!” Dan strode in from behind Trevor, grabbing Erik and dragging him off of Jacob. Trevor quickly corralled Jacob. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”
“He started it!” Erik shouted.
“I’m fucking sick of you!” Jacob shouted.
“I’m fucking sick of you!” Erik shouted back. “I’m fucking sick of having to explain myself! I’m fucking sick of having to justify who my friends are! I’m fucking sick of you running off and disappearing for hours and coming back looking for someone to kill! Where the hell do you go?!”
“To hell!” Jacob shouted, severely testing Trevor’s hold on him. “I go to the sickest place on Earth! And I’m not explaining anything to some lazy, immature, lying-”
“Fuck you!” Erik shouted. “You belong in hell! Next time you go there, stay!”
“Don’t even fucking try it,” Dan said, as Trevor snatched Jacob back. “Why don’t the two of you just go to your rooms and cool off. Erik, you want to go upstairs and talk about it?”
“There’s nothing-” Erik jerked free “-to talk about.” He gave Jacob a mean look and left the room.
“Great,” Dan said, taking a deep breath and following him.
“Are you okay?” Trevor asked Jacob, carefully releasing him.
Jacob cursed and stormed out of the room. There were a few thuds; apparently he was kicking things out of his way. A door slammed. He’d retreated to his room.
“Oh my god,” Trevor said, running his hands back over his hair. “What the hell is happening to us?”
Chris knew better than to answer that question. “You might not have rehearsal today.”
“I know that I should go talk to Jacob, but I can’t. We’d just end up fighting, the way things have been going. Erik’s right, every once in a while Jacob just leaves the house without saying where he’s going, and he comes back, and he’s vicious. Dan leaves and comes back looking like a vampire got him, Erik leaves the house every night and we know he’s with JC and Howie but he’ll never admit it - - when did we start keeping all of these secrets from each other?”
Chris couldn’t answer that question, either. “The harder things outside get, the more you need each other.”
“Jacob doesn’t really want to deal with any of us right now,” Trevor said. “He’s all over Brian, though. And he likes you.”
“Me?” Chris asked. Jacob had hugged him yesterday. Extra bizarre. He hadn’t really been prepared for that. Although Brian had trained him to be ready for anything at any moment.
“Maybe you should talk to him.” Trevor paused. “Would you?”
“Me?” Chris asked. “Alone?” That was a bad idea. Tempting, though. And scary.
“Either that, or we should call Brian,” Trevor said. “The two of you are the only people Jacob doesn’t actively hate.”
Chris didn’t have the ability to sustain violent hatred towards Jacob. That didn’t mean that he was eager to bring Brian and Jacob together. “I’ll talk to him.”
Trevor squeezed his shoulder. “Be brave.”
The sounds of footsteps and voices made Howie, Nick, and JC straighten casually, like they hadn’t been huddled around the table in hushed conference. “Everybody say good-bye to pretty,” Joey said.
“Good-bye,” Howie said, sounding not nearly as sweet as usual.
“Bye, Angel,” Nick said, walking past without really looking at him, apparently going to the shower.
“Bye,” Ashley said, clearly uncomfortable, looking after Nick.
“I’ll call you,” Joey said, and kissed him. “Have a good rehearsal today.”
“Okay,” Ashley said, kissing Joey. “Bye.” He ran his fingers over Joey’s beard, and when he looked into Joey’s eyes, it was like nothing outside of Joey existed for him. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
Joey whispered something in Ashley’s ear that JC didn’t hear, something that made Ashley laugh and turn even redder, then kissed him again. Ashley kissed Joey one more time, then left.
“Bitch,” JC said.
“He’s really in love with you,” Howie said to Joey.
“Yeah.” Joey started to clean up the kitchen.
“It makes things easier.”
“JC and I are actually here to talk to you and Nick about Ashley,”
Howie said.
“Yeah?” Joey asked, casting a glance at JC. “Motivation?”
“Yes.” Howie hesitated. “I don’t know if this will be embarrassing for you or not, but would you be willing to tell us something?”
“Sure,” Joey said. “Anything for JC. What is it?”
“I’m in love with Kevin!” AJ shouted. “You know I’m in love with Kevin! How the fuck could you dare to - - right in front of him!”
“Right in front of him!” Brian repeated, and dissolved into laughter.
“Justin’s fucking nuts,” AJ said, laughing.
“I’d better go,” Brian said. “Jacob was supposed to fuck Lance yesterday, so I have to check in on everyone.”
“Lance must be traumatized,” AJ said.
“I wonder what it was like,” Brian said, his eyes closing slowly. “To feel him, over you. His hands,” Brian’s hands slid up AJ’s arms, “bringing you into position. His hard cock,” his eyes opened, looking right into AJ’s eyes, “thrusting,” his grip tightened, “into you, penetrating…”
“Brian,” Kevin said from the doorway. “Stop playing with AJ.”
“Don’t stop now,” AJ said. “I was just getting into it.”
“I wonder how he kisses,” Brian said, lowering one hand but rubbing the other inside AJ’s elbow. “I wonder what sounds he makes when he’s getting head. I wonder what the small of his back tastes like. I wonder-”
“You’d know most of that if you’d wired Lance’s house,” Kevin said.
“I know.” Brian tapped his fingers on AJ’s forearm. “I should have listened to you.” The tapping stopped. “When are you going to take care of Justin? I’m still very…upset with him for hurting my love.”
“Soon,” Kevin said. “I’m clearing out a few distractions first.”
Chris swallowed as he walked around the pool. He was going to be alone with Jacob. Maybe Jacob wouldn’t let him in, and he could just walk away and go back to Trevor.
Jacob had come home upset. He must have been with Lance. Chris wondered what had happened. Maybe he’d call Lance.
He knocked.
A pause.
The door jerked open, and Jacob glared at him.
“Hi.”
Jacob’s voice was tightly controlled, like he wanted to scream and snarl and attack, but not at Chris. “What do you want?”
Brian. “I’d like Trevor to be happy,” Chris said. “He’s upset that the five of you are fighting. He feels bad, but he doesn’t know how to fix it.”
“Some things can’t be fixed,” Jacob said, and left the doorway to sit angrily on his bed.
“That’s true.” Chris came into the room and sat on the bed, facing Jacob. “So. Brian’s not here.”
“No.” Jacob tucked his feet in, looking down. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”
Jacob still wanted to impress Brian. Chris could have explained to him that what Brian really wanted was to see all of Jacob, even the worst of him. Especially the worst of him. “Erik pissed you off.”
Jacob raised his head, meeting Chris’s eyes. “Do you want to know the truth?”
Chris wondered what Brian thought about when he looked into Jacob’s eyes. “Yes.”
“It’s not Erik’s fault.” Jacob sighed, looking away again. “I’m pissed about something else, and I took it out on him. I stand by what I said to him, but I still shouldn’t have said it. I was just so… He was right there, and he said something that pissed me off, and I just started…”
“What’d he say?” Chris asked.
“Nothing new, it’s just Erik,” Jacob said. He met Chris’s eyes again. “You were there yesterday, right, when someone told Brian that he doesn’t live here? Was that Erik?”
“I don’t want to get into the middle of that,” Chris said.
Jacob’s feet were bare. Chris wondered if Brian had touched Jacob’s feet yet. Probably. “Do you ever wonder why your best friends are your best friends?” Jacob asked.
Chris thought about it. “Once in a while it’s occurred to me that if things had been different at any one point along the way, I’d have different friends,” he said. “But the friends I have, I have for a reason.”
“We were just put together,” Jacob said. “We didn’t find each other. The only one of us we got to choose was Dan. I didn’t choose Erik, Ashley didn’t choose me. It was just chance and circumstance and a TV show.”
“I think that people are brought together for a reason,” Chris said. “The five of us were brought together for a reason. We thought that we had something pretty good, and then Jason left, but that was just so we could have Lance.” Oh, shit, danger, danger, shouldn’t have said the L-word. Chris wondered if Brian had ever seen that look on Jacob’s face. “If AJ and Howie and Nick hadn’t found Kevin, they never would have gotten Brian.”
“Brian loves them,” Jacob said.
“More than anything else,” Chris said. At some point, Brian would tell Jacob that he loved Jacob above all things. He probably already had. But it wasn’t true. Jacob would learn that, and other lessons, the hard way.
Ashley raced into the rehearsal room and found Trevor there, alone, dancing freestyle. “What’s going on?”
“You’re late,” Trevor said, turning off the
music. “But don’t worry about it, because, surprise, surprise, we’re not having
rehearsal today.”
“We’re not?” Ashley asked, still breathless from rushing. “Why
not?”
“Jacob and Erik got into it. Dan sent them to their rooms. Dan’s talking to Erik. Chris is talking to Jacob.”
“Chris?” Ashley asked. “Why aren’t you talking
to Jacob?”
“Because he’s in one of his moods again, and I’m not dealing with
it. If you want to try, more power to you.”
He did. “What were they fighting about?”
“I don’t even know,” Trevor said. “I showed up in the middle of it.” A door slammed overhead. “Shit. Now what?” He and Ashley hurried out in time to see Dan running down the stairs with a dark expression. “What happened?”
“You don’t want to talk to me right now,” Dan warned, heading straight for the front door.
“But what happened?” Ashley asked.
“I’m going to Justin’s house,” Dan said, and was gone.
“I hope his ass tastes great!” Erik shouted, coming down the stairs. “It has to, considering how much time you spend kissing it!”
“What the hell is going on around here?” Ashley asked.
“Dan spends every second latched onto Justin’s dick, or trying to get Justin to stay on his, I don’t know,” Erik said, continuing on to the kitchen. “Jacob’s drooling all over Brian’s. Ashley’s trying to cram both Joey’s and Nick’s up his ass at the same time. Trevor’s trying to get Chris’s up his ass and Kevin’s in his mouth without either one of them noticing the other one.”
“Whoa, hey!” Ashley protested, hurrying after him.
“Shut up about Chris, and shut up about Kevin,” Trevor said. “And what about you?” he asked Erik. “You’re juggling Howie and JC’s balls pretty well.”
Erik turned sharply, shoving his finger into Trevor’s chest. “Shut the fuck up,” he warned, looking angrier than Trevor had ever seen him. “I’m not taking this from you, I’m not taking this from anybody. You have no idea what’s going on, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, so just shut the fuck up.”
“What happened with you and Jacob?” Ashley asked.
“That boy,” Erik said firmly, “needs to be medicated.”
The poem that Dan recites is "My True Love Hath My Heart" by Sir Philip Sidney. Thanks to brenhamella and the research assistants!
matthew@matthewtime.com
"Sucker"
Boyslash
Home