"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part forty-five...

Brian chopped celery. His pet was hovering near the doorway, watching him. He didn’t mind. He trusted his pet to follow the rules while other people were around. Chris knew the consequences of betrayal.

The door to AJ’s bedroom was open. Joey stepped inside.

“Hey, you’re here.” AJ kissed him, squeezing his bicep. “Let me get dressed and we can put this thing into gear.”

“Anything I can do?” Joey asked. It hurt, not to be loved back.

AJ grinned, lacing his hands over his head. “Zip me up.”

His own smile felt pained. Joey slid his hand inside AJ’s open fly and looked into AJ’s eyes. AJ liked his attention, but didn’t want sex now. Didn’t want sex, or didn’t want him? Slowly, with great care, he adjusted AJ’s package, then gently closed AJ’s fly.

With that, AJ stepped back, reaching for his shirt. “Keep an eye on Justin for me. I can’t afford to have him aggravating Kevin today.”

“Okay,” Joey said. He wondered how long he’d been AJ’s bitch. He wondered how it could have taken him this long to realize it.

Easing away from Howie, JC walked over to Lance. “How’s Justin?”

“How does he look?” Lance asked.

JC didn’t blame Lance for being unhappy with him. “Joey’s upset. I think he found out that AJ and Dan are more involved than he realized.”

“How involved?” Lance asked.

“I don’t know,” JC said. “Justin might.”

“Where’s Chris?” Lance asked.

“With Brian.”

Lance stared at him. “You let him-”

“You think we’re going to be able to keep Chris away from Brian all day?” JC asked. “I’d love to trail around after Nick all day, and you’re no different about Howie. Chris just doesn’t bother to hide it.”

“It’s not the same,” Lance said. “When Kevin gets here, are you going to let Justin shadow him?”

“I don’t think we could stop it,” JC said.

“Forget it,” Lance said, and left.

Joey walked back outside and stood beside Justin.

“Kevin’s not here yet,” Justin said.

“You should have cut Trevor’s brakes.”

Justin glanced at Joey, surprised. Then he saw the way Joey was staring across the pool, and understood. “I don’t know how.”

“I do,” Joey said.

Uh-oh.

When Lance walked into the kitchen, Brian was mixing potato salad. Chris was just inside the doorway, mesmerized by Brian’s every move.

Brian saw Lance, and his jaw tightened. “He’s perfectly fine,” Brian said. “He’s safe, I haven’t touched him, so if you came in to rescue him from my evil clutches, it isn’t necessary. I haven’t even talked to him. I didn’t think you’d approve.”

“You’re not going to blame anything on me,” Lance said. “Don’t you dare make Chris think that how you treat him has anything to do with me.”

“How I treat him?” Brian repeated. “Lance, I don’t even know what you think - - do you think I beat him when no one’s looking?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised!” Lance snapped. Damn it, this wasn’t what he’d wanted. “No, I don’t think you beat him,” Lance said more calmly, trying to bring the conversation back under control. “I just don’t want Chris to think that you ignore him because I want you to.”

“What do you want him to think?” Brian asked. “What do you want me to think? You chase around after Howie, you throw yourself at him at every opportunity, and if I don’t like it I should just get over it?” Brian’s expression was emotional, his voice a passionate plea. “I can’t watch someone I love get hurt again.”

Chris retreated a foot.

“I’m sorry,” Brian said to Lance, glancing at Chris. “I shouldn’t… Maybe we can talk about this later.”

“Fine,” Lance said. Or, they could talk about it never.

“Let’s just try to get through this afternoon first,” Brian said.

Footsteps, and Kevin walked into the kitchen. “Hi,” he said to Brian.

“Everybody’s here except Nick,” Brian said. “Should we call him again?”

“He’ll be here,” Kevin said. “Chris, come with me.” Chris didn’t budge, watching Brian. “Excuse us,” Kevin said to Brian, hooking his fingers under Chris’s necklace and drawing Chris from the room.

“He’s a human being,” Lance snapped. “He’s not your damned pet.”

“No,” Brian agreed. “He isn’t Kevin’s pet.”

But… Brian…

Kevin tipped Chris’s chin up. Chris looked into Kevin’s eyes, stroking his fingertips along Kevin’s jaw. “Can I trust you to behave yourself today?” Kevin asked.

“Yes,” Chris said.

“I might be able to baby-sit you later, but I want to hang out with my friends first,” Kevin said.

“Okay,” Chris said. He wanted to go back to Brian.

Kevin kissed him. “Let me know if being around Lance and Brian gets to be more than you can handle.”

AJ, Howie, and Brian were grouped around the grill. JC had started eating from the side dishes while they waited for the main event. “I need food,” Joey said.

“I need a drink,” Lance said. Not only did he have to worry about Brian and Chris, he had to deal with Howie and JC. On top of that, Joey looked terrible and Justin was practically vibrating with anxiety.

“Sorry, no alcohol on the premises,” Joey said. “Try some of AJ’s internationally renowned hurrinado punch.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Lance said. Joey gave him a look and he immediately picked up a cup. “I’d love some.”

Justin made the weirdest noise right by Lance’s ear. “Shit,” JC said, and Lance looked up. Kevin. “Shit,” Lance agreed, stepping protectively in front of Justin.

Kevin put his hand on Howie’s back, and said something that made Brian laugh. As they talked, Chris slipped outside, edging around them, eyes on Brian. Joey had a hand on Justin, anchoring him in place. After a few minutes, Kevin broke away from the others, approaching the food table.

Justin made that noise again.

Kevin picked up a plate, giving the four of them a quick glance. Three of them he dismissed; to JC, he said, “How’s it going?”

“Great,” JC said. Justin was frozen. “How about you?”

“I’m starving,” Kevin said. “Howie told me you’ve been splitting Erik’s time up between you. It sounds like you’re doing a great job.”

“Erik’s easy to deal with,” JC said. Justin’s mouth was open.

“We’re about to start up the music,” Kevin said. “Anything you want to hear?”

“I’m good with anything,” JC said.

“You wouldn’t say that if you took a good look at AJ’s CD collection,” Kevin said, walking off with a smile. Justin stared after him, lost.

“What the hell was that?” Joey whispered.

“When did you two become best friends?” Lance whispered. He tried to sound surprised and not angry. He might not have succeeded.

“He just said hi,” JC said.

JC was trying to downplay the moment, and since Justin was standing right in the middle of the three of them, that was probably a good idea. But Lance couldn’t let it go. “That wasn’t just hi, that was conversation.”

“It was small talk,” JC said. “We’re all here to get to know each other, to learn to get along. What was the point of showing up today if we just snap at each other?”

“Then I guess we shouldn’t all be over here,” Lance said. “We should walk over there and break right into their conversation and all get to know each other.”

JC looked at him. “Okay,” JC said, and turned his back, walking over to the grill.

Damn it. “Why aren’t we going over there?” Lance asked Joey.

“Because I don’t want to, and they don’t like you,” Joey said.

Lance stared at Joey. “They don’t like me?”

“They don’t,” Chris said, suddenly behind him. “Move, you’re blocking my view.”

“And they like you?” Lance asked Chris.

Chris shrugged. “I have no idea. Probably not.”

JC was deep in conversation with Brian and AJ. Howie and Kevin were talking off to one side. “I’ll take Brian and AJ,” Lance said.

“I’ll take Brian and AJ,” Joey said.

“I’ll take Justin,” Chris said.

“He’s wearing sandals,” Justin said. “I can see his toes.”

“He smells really good,” Chris said.

“Did he talk to you?” Justin asked. “What did he say? Did he touch you?”

AJ and JC went into the house. Brian turned to Kevin; Howie headed in the direction of the food table. Lance pushed Chris in the direction of the lounge chairs with a quick, “Go sit down,” and Chris and Justin went.

“Fuck today,” Joey muttered. “You owe me,” he added, and walked over to Brian and Kevin. Lance wondered what the three of them were going to find to talk about.

“This looks great,” Howie said, picking up a plate. Old R&B began to play from unseen speakers. Lance would have replied, but Howie began to sing along under his breath, and Lance would never interrupt that. Loving Howie included loving the way Howie sang, and Lance never failed to be impressed by how effortlessly Howie’s voice rose over high notes.

The song changed abruptly, and Howie’s quiet music stopped. “Are we waiting for Nick?” Lance asked.

“No, we’re waiting for the food to be done,” Howie said. “Although I might just eat it raw, I’m so hungry. I was so busy with Erik, I skipped breakfast.”

The ugly immature unworthy bitch. “How is he?” Lance asked.

“Erik?” Howie asked. “He’s willing to devote his life to getting me and JC back together. He can’t think of a fate worse than seeing us apart.”

“You are a very…attractive couple,” Lance said. He didn’t know why he was doing this to himself.

“You think so?” Howie asked, with a cute nose wrinkle. “I don’t know, I think we look kind of funny together. JC and I look so mismatched. He’d look better with Kevin than with me. I’d look better with…” Howie looked around the patio. “Chris?”

Lance laughed. “You and Chris?”

“Justin’s too tall,” Howie said. “Joey’s too butch.”

“What about me?” Lance asked, smiling.

“Well, you…” Howie returned his smile. “I always did think that you and I looked pretty good together. But I had the ponytail back then.”

Lance wanted to touch Howie’s hair. “I think we look good together now, too.” If he could just run his fingers through Howie’s hair, if he could just- Lance tightened both hands around his cup of punch, denying himself the right to touch Howie.

It was going to be one damned long day.

Practice had been over for a while, and they searched for something to do. Dan did sit-ups. Trevor did push-ups. Ashley changed channels. Jacob twisted his hair. “I’m so stupidly bored,” Erik said.

“Welcome to my life,” Trevor said.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Erik said.

“Okay,” Ashley said, turning off the TV. “Where?”

They all looked at each other.

Jacob reached over and turned the TV back on. Ashley resumed flipping channels.

After AJ and JC finished playing with AJ’s stereo system, AJ came back out, checked the grill, and declared that food was ready. He passed out burgers, hot dogs, and chicken, and everyone milled around, settling into shifting configurations.

Justin and Chris took their plates to the lounge chairs, watching from the sidelines. Justin nibbled steadily, seemingly unaware of what he put in his mouth. Chris only ate whatever Brian was currently chewing.

The primary focus of Chris’s concentration was, of course, Brian, but he also noticed other people as Brian moved from conversation to conversation. “Everyone’s nice to JC.”

“Kevin doesn’t like Lance,” Justin said. “Neither does AJ.”

Neither did Nick, if Chris remembered the last inter-group meeting correctly. He wondered where Nick was. Brian was here, and Nick was late. Obviously Nick took the privilege of being near Brian less seriously than Chris did. Nick took Brian’s friendship for granted. Chris couldn’t imagine.

“Chris.”

Chris’s gaze immediately shifted to Kevin. Justin was tense beside him. “Come here,” Kevin said.

Chris gave Justin an apologetic glance, then carried his plate over to Kevin. “Reporting for duty,” he said.

“Tell AJ who did the dragon on your leg,” Kevin said.

Chris was supposed to converse? He glanced around, relocating Brian from his new position. Brian was talking to Joey. He wondered what they were talking about. If-

AJ’s fingers snapped before his eyes. “He’s not going anywhere.”

Oh. Right. “What was the question?”

Kevin walked into the house.

Justin rose, following, unwilling to let Kevin leave his sight.

Chris propped his foot on the bench, showing AJ his calf. AJ ran his fingers over the tattoo. “That’s really good work.” Chris wondered when AJ had last touched Brian with that hand.

Justin stroked the wood of the doorframe, whispering to himself. At the sound of the toilet flushing, he backed up quickly, holding his breath. The door opened; Kevin stepped out, turning away and walking back to the others.

Justin followed at a distance.

Aware that Chris still tracked Brian’s every move, Lance kept his distance. That meant that he was stuck with Kevin, who obviously disliked him; AJ, who also obviously disliked him; and Howie, who was acting like they were just old friends. Joey looked unhappier than Lance could remember seeing him in months. Justin appeared seconds away from cracking. Chris would only participate in conversation if someone touched him every three seconds to keep his attention from Brian.

If something didn’t happen soon, Lance could only guess who would break first.

JC finished his punch and went with Brian to get another cup. Just as he was reaching for the dipper, movement caught his attention, and he looked up.

Nick.

Nick in a T-shirt, baggy shorts, and sandals, removing his sunglasses with a few blinks. “Hey,” Nick said. “You started without me.”

“You’re four hours late,” Kevin said.

“I got busy,” Nick said. “Hey, sweetness.” He kissed Joey’s cheek, reaching under the hem of Joey’s shirt to hook a finger through Joey’s back belt loop. “Got any food left?” he asked AJ.

JC couldn’t breathe. Nick was beautiful in the fading afternoon light. Beautiful and golden and larger than life. Nick carried such presence, such-

“Are you okay?” Brian asked.

“What?” JC asked, briefly glancing at Brian before looking back at Nick. Nick was talking to Joey, his hand repetitively rubbing up and down over a few inches of Joey’s spine, under Joey’s shirt. His other hand snuck something from Joey’s plate. JC watched him chew.

“You can go over and say hi,” Brian said quietly. “I don’t think Howie would mind.”

Howie? Oh. Right. Howie. JC looked around; Howie was talking to Chris. It would be okay if he said hi. Howie didn’t want him to make out with Nick in front of everyone, but it wasn’t like-

“Sweetness!” Joey was halfway across the patio, Nick calling after him. “Get me some punch, too!”

“Can you make him stop calling me that?” Joey asked JC and Brian, getting a fresh plate.

JC would have loved to.

“Why am I over here?” Joey muttered. “I don’t even know what he wants.”

“Macaroni salad,” JC and Brian said at the same time. Brian chuckled. “Nick will eat pretty much anything.”

“Are you over here talking about me?” Nick asked, sliding an arm around Joey’s waist, a plate in one hand. “Get me some of everything,” he told Joey, and kissed Joey’s cheek. “Come sit with me over there,” he said, and walked off.

JC breathed very, very carefully.

“He likes to play boyfriend,” Joey said, to explain it away. “If I don’t humor him, he acts like more of an ass than usual.”

JC nodded. Anyone who thought that Nick acted like an ass obviously didn’t deserve to be anywhere near Nick, much less be goddamned fucking touched by Nick, but JC kept his mouth shut.

Plate in one hand, cup in the other, Joey walked over to where Nick sat by the pool.

JC wanted to walk right over there and plant his foot on Joey’s back and push. One splash, and Joey would be underwater, and-

“JC.” Howie’s hand slid across his stomach, gently tugging at his shirt. “Come inside with me. Come on. Help me refill the ketchup bottle.”

“There’s plenty of ketchup,” JC said, watching Nick rest his hand on Joey’s back.

“Then we’ll get more coleslaw,” Howie said. “Come on.”

JC tore his gaze from Nick, looking at Howie. Howie wanted him. Howie liked him. Howie missed him when he wasn’t around. “Okay,” JC said, and let Howie guide him into the house.

Lance watched Howie and JC go inside together. Where were they going? To talk? To fuck?

Why wouldn’t they? Who would stop them?

The world tilted so unpleasantly, Lance had to close his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Good god, Brian was the last person he wanted to-

Or was he? Lance opened his eyes.

“Howie’s just taking JC inside to get him away from Nick and Joey,” Brian said. “I don’t think they’re going to do anything. Howie doesn’t like being the stand-in.” Brian’s smile was a little hard to look at. “I don’t, either, if you wondered.”

Maybe there was a limit to how badly Lance could treat Brian and still tolerate himself. “I’ve never - - I don’t do that with you, if that’s what you think. When we’re,” hell, “together, I know it’s you. I don’t think about anyone else.”

“I appreciate that,” Brian said. He looked hesitant. “I wasn’t sure.”

“You don’t really give me a chance to think about anyone else,” Lance said. “You’re very…present.”

Brian smiled, embarrassed. “You mean loud.”

“Loud,” Lance admitted. “And energetic.”

Brian laughed. “I get a little excited.”

“A little?” Lance asked. “You’re a maniac.”

“Oh, don’t put this all on me,” Brian said. “I wouldn’t get that excited if you weren’t…” He blushed.

“If I weren’t what?” Lance asked, grinning.

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this in front of everyone,” Brian said.

“No one’s listening,” Lance said. “If I weren’t what?”

Brian blushed redder, then leaned in, one hand on Lance’s shoulder, and whispered it into Lance’s ear.

Suddenly, the cup in Chris’s hand was crushed, broken, and red punch spilled out over his fingers and onto the ground.

“Okay, you’re done,” AJ said, taking it from him. “Kevin!”

Kevin walked over to them from the table, swallowing. “What?”

“You get this one, I’ll get that one,” AJ said, pushing Chris in Kevin’s direction. He walked across the patio to where Justin was standing between the lounge chairs. “Come on. We’re going inside.”

“No, we’re not,” Justin said.

“Yes, we are,” AJ said. “Come inside. We can sit somewhere and talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Justin said. Kevin touched Chris’s face, lifting his chin. “Let’s drive over to the Townhouse and scalp Trevor.”

“That sounds like fun,” AJ said, “but let’s try my idea first.” Taking Justin’s hand, he dragged Justin into the house.

Nick polished off his second burger, licking his fingers and then rubbing Joey’s thigh. “What’s wrong with you? You’re glaring at the water like it offended you.”

Joey didn’t trust Nick, and he had no intention of confiding in Nick. On the other hand, Nick was close to AJ. Considering how blunt AJ was, and how blunt Nick was, there was a good chance that AJ had told Nick everything, and that Nick would be willing to give Joey information. “I didn’t know that Dan was fucking AJ.”

“Who knew the kid had it in him?” Nick asked. “Sounds like his dick’s almost as big as mine is.” He grinned. “Almost.”

“He can’t really be that good.” He just couldn’t.

“Maybe he has a shady past as a street hustler,” Nick said. “He sounds pretty fucked up in the head to me. He’s all in love with Justin, but he won’t even kiss him, and he thinks AJ is his enemy for life, but he fucks the shit out of him. Maybe he thinks sex is punishment.”

Sex with AJ was a privilege. AJ was the best, the best thing that had ever happened to Joey, and Sonic Boom had the fucking nerve to - - “I could have him killed.”

Nick grinned. “That’s no fun. That’s once and done. The good part is watching him suffer.”

Maybe being with Nick would finally pay off. “You have ideas?”

“All it takes is a little creativity.” Nick got up, pulling Joey along. “Let’s get comfortable and talk about it.”

JC couldn’t get his mind off of Nick. Nick, beautiful. Nick, so real and so alive. Nick, with Joey. It wasn’t supposed to hurt, but Nick and Joey were supposed to be faking it, weren’t really supposed to be together, weren’t supposed to be a real couple. That was real couple behavior, that was boyfriend behavior, relationship behavior.

JC pushed the pain into anger. Being hurt just hurt; being mad, he could turn into something.

Nick and Joey were a couple? That was fine. JC and Howie had their own partnership. Nick didn’t see JC and didn’t care; Howie didn’t see JC and missed him. Howie wanted him. Howie kissed him hello. Howie actually cared about him and managed to act like it, instead of ignoring him like he wasn’t standing right there.

Right there! A foot away! Right there in Nick’s face! And Nick couldn’t be bothered to say hi?!

“Letting him make you upset gives him power over you,” Howie said, his hands sliding up to JC’s elbows. His eyes were compassionate. “Do you want to give him any more power over you?”

No. JC honestly couldn’t afford to do that. It seemed destined to happen anyway. “I thought he’d at least say hello to me. I thought he’d at least say hi.”

“Sometimes Nick has trouble thinking outside of himself,” Howie said. “He can be very generous when it occurs to him to be, but sometimes the only person who matters is Nick.”

Swallowing, JC struggled with the truth. “He was never like that with me. He always thought of me, he always put me first, I was always a consideration in every decision.”

Howie’s voice was gentle. “Things change.”

“Sit down, right there,” AJ said, pushing Justin into the corner of the couch and dropping down beside him, shifting to face him, crossing a leg over Justin’s thighs. “Now, tell me about last night.”

“Where’s Kevin?” Justin asked.

“Hold on.” AJ reached behind Justin for the remote control, aiming it at his stereo and changing the music from hip-hop to something slow and sultry. Setting the remote aside, he put a hand on Justin’s chest, bringing Justin’s hand to his thigh. “When did you last talk to Dan?”

“This morning.” Justin looked around, conflicted, but his hand began a slow caressing over AJ’s thigh.

“What happened?”

“He woke me up. Last night was so bad, but I felt good when I woke up. It’s so much easier to sleep with Dan. I feel safe with him.”

“He’s a good white knight,” AJ said, rubbing Justin’s firm chest, watching him gradually relax. “All he wants is to keep you safe.”

“I can’t believe he’s actually having sex with you.” Justin frowned with distaste. “That’s just sick.”

AJ raised his eyebrows, his thumb finding Justin’s nipple through the soft fabric of Justin’s shirt. “What’s so sick about it?”

“You’re such a dirty freak and he’s so…”

“Straight?” AJ asked.

“Well, yeah,” Justin said, meeting AJ’s gaze frankly. “He’s a good person, too.”

AJ caressed Justin’s nipple. “I’m not a good person?”

Justin arched slightly, leaning back farther, his hand sliding over AJ’s arm. “You’re very different from Dan,” he said, his fingers tracing AJ’s tattoos.

“I never would have given him a second look,” AJ said. “But I bring something out in him. I guarantee you, the way he is with me, he’s never been with anyone else.”

“Movies?” Ashley suggested.

“Boring,” Erik said. “Clubs?”

“No way,” Jacob said.

“Are we really this pathetic?” Trevor asked.

“Looks like it,” Dan said.

“Let’s invite people over,” Erik said.

“I’m not in the mood for a party,” Jacob said, hiking himself up to sit on the kitchen counter. “We don’t have anything ready.”

“And Jacob can’t have a party if Brian’s not here,” Trevor said.

“Aw, are you sad and lonely?” Erik asked, patting Jacob’s head. “Poor little boy.”

“Get off me,” Jacob said, pushing Erik’s arm away. “You’ve been out every night, why are you home?”

“Because I love you guys so much, I just couldn’t tear myself away,” Erik said, slinging an arm around Ashley.

“Thanks,” Ashley said.

“Justin’s busy, so I have all the time in the world to hang out here,” Dan said.

“What about your secret vampire lover?” Erik asked.

“My life is my business,” Dan said.

“I wish I had a life,” Trevor said.

“We could go stalk Chris and beg him to take Trevor back,” Erik suggested.

“It would be something to do,” Ashley said.

“Let’s not,” Trevor said, leaning on the counter beside where Jacob was sitting.

“Trevor’s depressed, Jacob’s lost without Brian, isn’t anyone interested in having any fun?” Erik asked.

“I’m not lost,” Jacob said. “We can have fun.”

“Okay, but doing what?” Ashley asked.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Jacob said. “Let’s get out of the house and drive until we see something.”

“I have to change first,” Trevor said.

“I have to shower,” Ashley said.

“You do kind of smell,” Erik said, grinning.

“Screw you,” Ashley said with a quick shove. “Dibs on the bathroom,” he added, running for the stairs.

“Hey, no, I have to get in there first!” Erik called, running after him.

Needing to see for himself that JC and Howie weren’t rolling across a bed somewhere, Lance followed Brian into the house. They found JC and Howie in the kitchen, leaning across the table from each other over a plate of brownies. Howie was sucking chocolate from JC’s fingers and JC was murmuring something Lance just didn’t want to hear.

“This is where you’re hiding all of the desserts,” Brian said, breaking the moment.

JC blushed, quickly snatching his hand back. “There’s ice cream in the freezer,” Howie said, calmly picking up another brownie. “There are cookies in those tins over there.”

“Let’s see what kinds AJ got,” Brian said. Lance followed him to the corner, as an alternative to smashing a plateful of brownies into JC’s face. Brian opened a few tins, inspecting the contents. “Oh, these are good,” Brian said, finding one he liked. “Here, you have to try these. I never get them, they cost about two dollars a cookie, but they’re so good.” Brian leaned back against the counter, offering him the tin.

Lance didn’t give a shit, but maybe if he ate, it would hold back the venomous words collecting on his tongue, so he took a cookie. Damn, it actually was good. “Where’d he get these?”

“From a family-owned bakery on Pine,” Brian said. “They make great bread, too.”

The image of Howie’s tongue flickering out over JC’s thumb was going to kill Lance. He wondered if Howie was watching him and Brian. He wondered if Howie cared what he did with Brian. Casually stepping closer, Lance slid his hand into Brian’s back pocket. “That was delicious,” he murmured, his voice low and intimate. Brian glanced behind Lance nervously; when Lance’s hand squeezed, Brian’s eyes closed, lips parting. “Everything you give me always tastes,” deliberate pause, “so good,” Lance said, using his voice as the sexual weapon he’d learned it could be. When Brian’s eyes opened, the expression on Brian’s face indicated that if Lance wanted to take this moment somewhere more private, Brian would join him, naked.

Lance didn’t want privacy; he wanted to fuck Brian in front of Howie. At this point, he wasn’t sure what that would prove. “Do you want one?” Lance asked Brian softly, his voice low and sexual. He gazed into Brian’s eyes. “You look…hungry.”

Brian was inside. Brian had gone inside. Brian-

“Chris.” There was that hand on his chin again, forcing his gaze up to green eyes. “You’re bouncing around like a three-year-old. Hold still.”

Chris put his hands in his pockets.

“What do you want?”

“I have to be where Brian is,” Chris said.

“Chris, Brian is with Lance right now,” Kevin said. “Maybe we’ll go hang out with them later, but for now, let’s just go into the house.”

“Okay.” That would be closer. Closer was better.

Joey had expected for Nick to sit on the lounge chair beside him, not on the one he already occupied. The limited space meant that they were half on top of each other, pressed together rather intimately. Joey had his arm around Nick’s shoulders just to have somewhere to put it, and Nick’s hand was stroking his chest…under his shirt. They’d started off talking about what they wanted to spray-paint all over the Townhouse, and what to damage first if they broke in. But Nick had started to kiss him, and no matter what Nick was a great kisser, so Joey had kissed back. Now they were slowly, lazily making out, not really going anywhere with it.

“You look tired,” Nick said.

“I’m ready to pass out,” Joey said. “I got zero sleep.”

“Come on,” Nick said, and kissed him again. “Let’s go inside.”

JC couldn’t believe his eyes. Lance and Brian were feeding each other. Slowly. Moaning over each tiny bite. Licking each other’s fingers. Lance’s hand was all over Brian’s ass, Brian’s leg between Lance’s thighs, and Lance’s voice was getting so deep JC was worried he’d strain something and hurt himself.

Brian started to stroke Lance’s nape.

“If Chris sees this, he’ll have a heart attack,” JC whispered.

“I think I heard someone come into the house,” Howie whispered back. “It could have been him, if he saw Brian come in and decided to follow.”

Shit. “If he walks in here-” JC stopped talking as Nick walked into the room. Nick, holding Joey’s hand. Nick, gorgeous. Nick, watching Brian and Lance with a look of disgust.

“JC,” Howie said softly, to get his attention. “Let’s go check on Chris.”

JC looked at Nick and Joey, then at Lance and Brian, and decided that this room was definitely not where he or Chris needed to be. “Good idea,” he said. He and Howie slipped out of the kitchen, leaving Nick and Joey to witness Lance and Brian’s orgy.

Chris was in the very next room, as it turned out, sitting on the corner of the dining room table, humming agitatedly to himself and tapping the fingers of his right hand. Kevin was sitting back in one of the chairs, directly beside Chris, holding Chris’s left hand. When JC and Howie walked in, Kevin asked, “Where’s Brian?” The humming stopped.

“In the kitchen,” Howie said.

“What’s he doing?” Chris asked.

“Eating cookies,” JC said.

“I’ll get you some later,” Kevin told Chris. He laced his fingers through Chris’s and looked at JC and Howie. “You two seem to be getting along.”

“We worked everything out,” Howie said. “Now we’re just waiting for Erik to reunite us.”

“And how long is that going to take?” Kevin asked.

Howie smiled. “I hope it’s not too long.” He took a seat, watching Chris. “Are you having a good time?”

“Brian’s here,” Chris said. “The food was good. Everyone’s been very nice.”

Howie laughed. “You thought we were going to be mean to you?”

“Don’t answer that,” Kevin said.

“Turn right here,” Ashley said.

“No, turn left,” Trevor said.

“Shay’s is down to the right,” Ashley said.

“I don’t want to go to Shay’s,” Trevor said.

Erik glared into the rearview mirror. “Don’t make me turn this car around.”

“Shay’s is great,” Ashley said. “Joey goes there all of the time.”

“With his boyfriend?” Jacob asked.

“Don’t start,” Erik said.

“Why do you care?” Ashley asked Jacob. “Why does it matter whether-”

“I care because I care about you,” Jacob said.

“Joey makes me happy,” Ashley said.

“Joey makes you a slut,” Jacob said.

“I am not a slut,” Ashley said, sitting forward. “I’m sexually active, so are a lot of people. So’s everyone in this car except you. Don’t get pissed at me because Brian won’t give it up.”

“It’s starting to look like Brian’s giving it up every night,” Erik said.

Jacob stared venomously at Erik, his voice furious. “Don’t you ever say anything like that again. If you can’t understand how two people can have a close relationship without fucking each other, then I feel sorry for your disgusting level of immaturity, but Brian and I-”

“Brian and you are fucking,” Erik said. “The way he’s always touching you? I’ve heard you say ‘I love you’ to each other when you didn’t know anyone else was around. He’s in your bed every night, or else you’re in his.”

“If Jacob says that they’re friends, then they’re friends,” Dan said. “If Jacob says that they’re not having sex, then I believe him.”

“You have to stick up for him,” Erik said. “You and Justin are doing the exact same thing.”

“And where are you every night?” Jacob asked Erik. “In bed with Howie? In bed with JC? Now that they’ve broken up, you must have a lot of bed-hopping to do.”

“They haven’t broken up,” Erik said tightly. “They’re having a fight, but they’re getting back together. I’m not having sex with them, I wouldn’t do that. I care about them, I want them to get back together. If you want to speculate on someone’s sex life, ask Dan who’s been chewing on his neck.”

“Who I have sex with is my business,” Dan said.

“What happened to that group spirit?” Erik asked. “What happened to everything we do affects everyone else in the band?”

“If I have to answer to everyone for every move I make, so do the rest of you,” Ashley said.

“Go ahead, Dan,” Erik said. “Tell us who’s been getting the goods.”

“Who I have sex with,” Dan repeated, “is my business.”

After watching Brian and Lance for a while, Nick looked at Joey. “What the hell are they doing?”

“I don’t know,” Joey said, “but it’s gross.”

Nick shook his head, taking Joey’s hand and heading for the doorway. “We need to find another room.”

Brian tasted warm and sweet. Lance licked his lips. “We have two choices.”

“You can be on top,” Brian said, kissing him again.

Lance laughed, easing Brian back. “We can either go to my place and finish this, or we can get out of the kitchen and find someone else to talk to.”

“I don’t want to leave yet.” Brian’s kiss was slow. “Who do you want to talk to?”

Howie and JC were out. Chris was out. “Let’s go check on Justin.”

“Okay.” Brian stroked his neck, gazing at his mouth. “You taste so good. Can we take the cookies with us?”

Lance laughed. “Let’s leave them behind.” Leaving his hand in Brian’s, Lance led the way out of the kitchen and - - shit, shit, he took a fast left turn, yanking Brian along after him. Well, now he knew where Chris, JC, and Howie were. And Kevin was in there, but Justin wasn’t, which meant that either Joey or AJ had corralled Justin somewhere else.

Oh. “Hi,” Lance said. Justin and AJ were in the living room, curled up around each other on the sofa. It didn’t look strictly sexual, but it did look extremely intimate. And weird, at least to his eyes, although Justin seemed to think that it was perfectly natural to twine up and pet AJ.

Justin realized what Lance was staring at, and put his hands in his lap. “Have you seen Kevin?”

“He’s in the dining room,” Lance said. “You look like you’re doing okay.”

“Nice of you to care,” AJ said.

“Are you sure you don’t want to leave?” Lance asked Brian.

Since Brian, Chris had developed several different coping mechanisms. Today, a particular one was coming into use.

He’d discovered long ago that sometimes when a situation became a little too hard to deal with, it was easier to break things down into their simplest forms. Simple sentences. Cause and effect. No complexities. When life got a little too hard, sometimes it was better to think in terms of “color: pretty” and “fire: hot” as opposed to letting his brain snap another time.

Today was one of those difficult days. His own personal Brian issues were being compounded by the personal conflicts playing out around him, and for his own safety, his brain was choosing to spend a few hours on a simpler plane.

Kevin wouldn’t let him follow Brian, but he did get to go into the kitchen. JC showed him which cookies Brian had been eating, and he ate some, himself. Mmm. Yummy. He licked the inside of his mouth. Now he tasted like Brian. Kind of sweet. Kind of chocolatey. If he kissed Brian, Brian would taste like this.

He offered Kevin some.

Kevin, who was talking to Howie and JC about something Chris didn’t bother to pay attention to, ate some.

Chris wondered what Brian was doing.

Where had Brian and Lance gone? Kevin had told him that Brian was still in the house, that Brian hadn’t gone home, but that still left a lot of possibilities wide open.

Chris kissed Kevin.

Sweet and kind of chocolatey.

He licked around in Kevin’s mouth some more.

Kevin gently pushed him back. “Do you need to take a break?” Kevin asked.

Oh. “Not yet,” Chris said.

“Okay.” Kevin went back to talking to Howie and JC.

Chris licked his lips. Cookies needed milk.

The music was slow, the beat subtle. Justin closed his eyes, shutting out conversation, letting in only the beat. His fingers walked the familiar lines of AJ’s body, grounding him, soothing him.

Brian.

Brian was somewhere in the house. Somewhere in the house with Lance. Somewhere talking with Lance. Lance was talking to Brian. Lance was looking at Brian. Lance was touching Brian.

Brian loved him.

He was Brian’s pet. Lance was nobody, Lance was nothing, Brian didn’t even care about Lance enough to claim him.

Brian had claimed Jacob, though. Jacob was Brian’s like Chris was Brian’s. Except Jacob was Brian’s love.

He’d been Brian’s love, once.

Lance wasn’t Brian’s love, but Lance still got to be with Brian. Still got to touch Brian, still got to kiss Brian, still got to-

“Chris.” Green eyes. “What are you doing?”

Chris blinked. What was he doing? Oh. “Getting milk,” he remembered.

“You’re rearranging AJ’s cabinets,” Kevin said.

Was he? That would explain the glasses spread across the counter and the plates in his hands. “Sometimes things need to be organized,” Chris said.

“Okay,” Kevin said, taking the plates from him and setting them aside. “Let’s go check on Brian.”

Lance had watched Justin with surprise, curiosity, and slight worry. Justin’s eyes had closed, his body so relaxed Lance would have thought he’d fallen asleep, if his hand hadn’t continued to wander AJ. After a minute, Lance had realized that Justin’s caresses were oddly timed with the rhythm of the music.

Then AJ patted Justin’s thigh. “I’m going to the kitchen. You want anything?”

Justin’s eyes opened slowly, as if he were coming back from sleep. “I’ll come with you.”

“You keep your ass here,” AJ said. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He got up and left.

Justin sat up straighter, carefully avoiding looking at Brian.

“You look like you’re enjoying the music,” Brian said. Lance hadn’t expected Brian to notice that.

“It’s okay,” Justin said. He rubbed at his cheek as if scrubbing something unpleasant off of it.

Time to intervene. Lance got up from his seat and sat down in AJ’s spot, beside Justin. “I like your new shoes.”

Justin glanced at him, giving him a quick smile. “Thanks.” Then Justin stared across the room, suddenly tense at Lance’s side.

Lance looked over and saw Kevin coming in with Chris. Shit. Kevin in the same room as Justin. Brian in the same room as Chris. At least he was sitting beside Justin now and not right up beside Brian, so Chris could be marginally less upset and maybe he could be a Justin-Kevin buffer.

“How’s it going in here?” Kevin asked, sitting beside Brian and releasing Chris’s hand with a gentle push towards Lance and Justin. Chris sat beside Lance and looked at Brian.

“Pretty quiet,” Brian said, his hand rubbing smoothly over the armrest. “How’d you like the hamburgers?” he asked Chris.

“They were delicious,” Chris said, jiggling his knee as his heel bounced up and down. “Very tasty. I had two.”

“Chris and I used to barbecue,” Brian told Kevin. “Didn’t you come to one or two?”

“At least,” Kevin said. “I remember going one time when Justin brought his special sauce and we all had a taste test contest to see who made better wings. I think Justin won, didn’t you?” he asked Justin.

Justin touched his mouth as if remembering something. “First place,” he said in a normal but quiet voice.

“I should have won,” Brian said. “I still think that contest was rigged.”

“Justin won, three against one,” Kevin said. “The only person who voted for you, was you.”

“My own cousin and my own boyfriend both voted against me,” Brian said. “I felt so betrayed.” He sighed. “I don’t know what AJ put on that chicken tonight, but it tasted kind of… Didn’t it used to be spicier?”

Regular conversation? This set of people together in one room, and Brian was having regular conversation? Lance wondered if Brian really was out of his mind.

“Last time it was on fire,” Kevin said. “He must have gotten the spice under control today.”

“He did something different to the punch, too,” Brian said.

“Joey said it had more mango in it,” Kevin said.

“Joey would know,” Brian said. He rubbed the armrest some more.

“Where is Joey?” Kevin asked. “I haven’t seen him or Nick.”

“They were in the kitchen earlier,” Brian said. “Joey looks terrible,” he added, turning to the three of them. “Is he all right?”

“He’s tired,” Chris said. “He didn’t get much sleep.”

Lance wondered why Chris suddenly felt conversational. Usually Chris shut up around Brian.

“He was out clubbing all night?” Brian guessed.

“No, he was having sex all night,” Chris said. “With women.”

“You’d think that Ashley, Nick, and AJ would keep him busy enough,” Kevin said.

“I’ve never enjoyed sex for the sake of sex,” Brian said. “It’s a much richer experience with someone I care about.”

“I’m sure that it would be even better with someone who cared about you,” Kevin said, and looked at Lance.

Lance glared at him. What the hell? “I care about Brian.”

“Since when?” Justin asked.

Lance whipped around, staring at Justin, shocked.

“You don’t love Brian,” Chris said. “You don’t respect him.”

What the fuck?! “You aren’t in love with Kevin or Trevor,” Lance said. “Are you in love with AJ?” he asked Justin.

“I didn’t mean anything - - I was just making conversation,” Brian said a little desperately.

“It’s a point worth exploring,” Kevin said. “A lot of people find that sex with someone they’re emotionally invested in is better sex. Some people think that a little danger, mystery, or anonymity makes it hotter.”

“I will never be in love with AJ,” Justin said fiercely, eyes snapping fire at Lance. “I will never be in love with anyone but Kevin, I will never give myself to anyone the way I give myself to Kevin. Maybe you can spread it around to Howie and Brian and Jacob and anyone else and not notice a difference, but I-”

“Not notice a difference?!” Lance demanded. “Not notice a fucking difference between Howie and Jacob?!”

“Hey!” AJ said sharply, striding into the room. “Don’t yell at him.”

“I hate AJ!” Justin snapped.

“Works for me,” AJ said.

“I’m in love with Kevin!” Justin said, still furious with Lance. “You know I’m in love with Kevin! How the fuck could you dare to - - right in front of him - - I could never imagine giving myself to anyone as completely, I could never imagine-”

“I was just making a fucking point!” Lance couldn’t believe Justin would give Kevin this power over him in front of everyone. Just then, he heard Chris say a quiet “I love you” to Brian, like since Justin was declaring his unending love for Kevin, Chris might as well add his own two cents. Lance lost it. “No one cares!” he snapped at Chris. “Brian doesn’t even fucking care! Shut up!”

Chris turned dead white.

Lance stared into Chris’s eyes and wanted to cut out his own tongue.

The room was silent. Even Justin’s tirade had stopped.

“Get out of this room,” Kevin said quietly, slowly. “I don’t care if you leave for the next room or the next state, but get the fuck out of my sight.”

Lance felt movement behind him. He was trapped by the anguish in Chris’s eyes.

“He didn’t mean you,” AJ muttered, and the movement behind Lance stopped.

“Come on.” Brian’s voice trembled slightly as he stood, reaching for Lance’s hand. “Come on, let’s go see what happened to Nick and Joey.”

As Brian’s hand hovered in Lance’s peripheral vision and no doubt also in Chris’s, Chris held Lance’s gaze and whispered, “I love him.”

Chris clung to that fact like it anchored his world. It was an undeniable truth, and Chris wouldn’t let anyone take it away from him.

Lance envied that conviction.

He took Brian’s hand. Brian led him from the room.

JC and Howie sat at the kitchen table, discussing what to do with Erik. Among other things, Howie brought up how their “break-up” affected everyone else.

“I don’t want to drag out our separation any longer than we have to,” Howie said, stroking JC’s fingers.

“But?” JC asked, knowing that tone.

“But, it gives the others a chance to use it,” Howie said.

“Use our separation?” JC asked, puzzled. “For what?”

“Well, AJ was talking before about using it as an excuse to attack Erik,” Howie said.

“Right,” JC remembered. “Everyone can be suspicious of Erik and wonder what his role in this relationship really is. Especially with us being separated.”

“Exactly,” Howie said. “Brian’s already been talking to Jacob about it, giving Jacob reason to doubt Erik. The more suspicious the five of them are of each other, the less secure their friendship is.”

“It would be great for our friends to treat him strangely, to wonder if he’s maybe a reason we’re not getting along, but they never see him,” JC said.

“They could be at your house when he comes to see you,” Howie said. “At my house when he comes to see me. He saw Nick when Nick stopped by my house, and he saw Lance and Joey when you all went out to dinner.” His fingers ran idly over JC’s bracelets as he gazed at JC’s forearm, thinking. “We could ask Erik about Ashley, why he’s with Joey, if he’s really trying to break them up. We could ask him why Dan’s constantly with Justin.” He raised his gaze to JC’s eyes. “We could use the angle that AJ and Justin’s relationship may not have been perfect, but it was theirs, and we don’t understand why Dan decided to become some sort of anti-AJ crusader.”

“AJ beat Justin,” JC said. He shook his head. “I mean, not really, but you know what I mean.”

“But did he ever hit Justin before Dan showed up?” Howie asked. “Or was AJ reacting in a jealous rage because of Dan’s interference? AJ was threatened by Dan’s sudden presence in Justin’s life. AJ and Justin may have had a tumultuous relationship, but they were also very much in love.”

“I could sell that,” JC said.

Howie smiled. “I know you could.”

“I’m sorry.” Lance rested his ass against the edge of the dining room table, covering his face with his hands. God, Chris. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t tell me that,” Brian said quietly, rubbing his upper arms. “They need to hear it.”

“Did you see the expression on his face? It was like I’d…skewered him.” Lance squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t believe I said that to him.”

“You weren’t saying it to him,” Brian said gently, cupping his elbows. “You were saying it to yourself.”

Lance lowered his hands, looking into Brian’s patient, sad eyes.

“No one cares! Brian doesn’t even fucking care! Shut up!”

Substitute “Howie” for “Brian,” and wasn’t that Lance’s fear, in a nutshell? That his desperate love for Howie meant nothing to anyone but himself? That Howie really didn’t give a fuck whether he cared or not?

When Brian hugged him, Lance found the human support suddenly vital. “Oh, god. I’m the worst friend ever.”

“They understand,” Brian said. “They know what you’re going through.”

“I keep attacking them for the weakness I know is in myself. I can’t stand seeing them put themselves through things I wouldn’t hesitate to go through for Howie.”

“You love him so much,” Brian whispered. “There’s no room in your heart for anyone else.”

Brian tried to make the best of each situation. Brian tried to do right by Chris, even though it was too late. Brian tried to carry on a conversation against all odds, to give them all some sense of normalcy. Brian supported him when he was obviously beyond redemption. Brian loved him when no one else would. “If you were smart, you’d give up on me.”

Brian’s hand rubbed his shoulder blade. “I never give up.”

“I love him,” Chris said.

“Don’t touch me,” Justin snapped, shoving AJ away.

“I love him,” Chris said. “Lance doesn’t love him.”

“I remember,” Justin said, rising and facing Kevin. “I remember winning first place. I remember you kissing me for winning.”

“I love him,” Chris said. “Lance doesn’t even like him.”

Justin advanced on Kevin. “I remember giving you head in the pool while Brian and Chris had sex in the kitchen.”

Arms spread along the back of the couch, Kevin rested his ankle on one knee.

“I love him,” Chris said. “I love him.”

Justin’s chest rose and fell with each harsh breath. “I remember sucking your dick underwater, your hand in my hair, and I could only breathe whenever you decided to let me up for air.”

“I love him,” Chris said. He twitched. “You like that?”

“When it was over, after you’d come in my mouth, you pulled me back up and kissed me and stroked my hair and told me how beautiful I was. That damned ‘fro looked ridiculous wet, I knew I looked like a drowned dog, but you told me that I was beautiful and I felt beautiful.”

“The sheets were cream-colored,” Chris said. “They were right there on the bed.”

Kevin’s expression was as calm as if he were listening to a weather report. Justin continued with passion. “I would have done anything for you,” he said. “I would have stayed underwater as long as you’d wanted me there.”

“Justin,” AJ said, reaching for him.

“Get off of me!” Justin pushed AJ away furiously.

Kevin’s gaze gained focus. “Do you always treat AJ like that?”

Justin froze. “No,” he said in a terrified near-whisper.

“Good. It’s important for you to listen to AJ and give him respect. It would be a lot harder for me to work with Chris if he refused my help and advice.”

“You’re right,” Justin whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” Kevin said.

Justin immediately turned to AJ. “I’m sorry, AJ.”

“I love him,” Chris said. “Brian knows that I love him. Brian knows that having sex with other people doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. Doesn’t he?” he asked Kevin. “Does Brian understand that? Should I stop-”

“Chris,” Kevin said, and stood, pulling Chris to his feet. “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

“I love him,” Chris said. “Doesn’t he know that I love him? Does he think that if I have sex with someone else that I don’t love him anymore? I would never love anyone else, I could never stop loving Brian,” he insisted, his voice fading as Kevin took him from the room.

“Kevin,” Justin said, agonized, but Kevin was gone. “I’m sorry,” he said to AJ, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Don’t worry about it,” AJ said, taking his hands. “You know that if I have a problem with you, I’ll let you know about it. You were upset about Kevin. I expect that from you.”

“I do listen to you,” Justin said. “I do what you ask me to do. Can’t you tell Kevin that? I listen to you, I know you’re better at this than I am.”

“I’m better at everything than you are,” AJ said. He watched Justin frown, watched Justin struggle with the conflict of obeying Kevin and wanting to tell AJ to go to hell. “How badly do you want to tell me off right now?” he asked with a grin.

“I respect you,” Justin said, closing his eyes. “I respect you. I respect you.”

“You don’t respect shit about me,” AJ said. “Come on, Daddy’s not here, tell me how you really feel. Tell me the truth. How do you really feel about me?” he asked, tapping at Justin’s chin, lightly slapping Justin’s cheek. “Come on, come on, tell me, I can take it. How do you really feel about me? Inside, deep down, how-”

“I hate you!” erupted from Justin, his eyes snapping open as he smacked AJ’s hand away from his face.

AJ smiled, pleased. “Was that so hard?”

Justin glared at him. “I hate you.”

AJ just kept smiling. “Works for me.”

Continue on to part forty-seven

matthew@matthewtime.com
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