Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-August 12, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part forty-three...

            Brian acted appropriately shocked, asking scandalized questions and murmuring condolences as Trevor and Jacob explained what had happened.  “How hard is it going to be to fix it?” he asked.  “Where did you take it?”

            Joey called AJ at least once during any twenty-four hour period, usually more often.  Sometimes he left a message, something casual.  Since AJ had harassed Ashley, the number of calls had gone up, and Joey’s messages had been more insistent.

            AJ wouldn’t mind seeing Joey, so when Joey called again, he finally answered.  “Hello.”

            “AJ?  It’s Joey.”

            “Hey,” AJ said.  “Come on over.”

            Extra beats of silence, then, “Okay, I’ll be right there.”

            “Great.  See you.”  AJ hung up and began to stretch.

            While Justin and Chris sat together on the sofa, talking about Kevin’s voice or Brian’s fingernails or something like that, JC and Lance perused the contents of Justin’s refrigerator.

            Lance wasn’t sure exactly how closely he wanted to question JC, but he decided to open up the floor and see where the conversation went.  “Talk to me about sex.”

            “Sex?” JC asked, glancing at him.  “Can you narrow it down?”

            “Who are the best lovers you’ve had?” Lance asked.

            “Nick,” JC said.

            Had he really expected a different answer?  “Who else?”

            “They’re all…  Some are better technically, more experienced, but some I was closer to and shared something with,” JC said.

            “Top five,” Lance said.

            JC sighed.  “I don’t want to do this with you.  It’s not going to - - why don’t we just talk about music or the weather?”

            “If things get weird, we can stop,” Lance said.  “Just humor me for now.”

            “Lance, I can’t discuss you with Howie, and I can’t discuss Howie with you.  It just doesn’t work.”

            JC couldn’t discuss him with Howie?  Lance wanted to ask why, but then JC really wouldn’t have this conversation with him.  “I can handle this.  I just want to understand things better.”

            “You can’t compare me and Howie to you and Howie,” JC said.  “Too many things are way too different.  The circumstances are so different, you and I are so different…”

            Howie was different.  Howie was practically a different person with JC.  “You and I are different,” Lance said, building from JC’s comments just to carry along the conversation.  “The way we experience things is different.  What we want in a partner is different.  What we look for sexually is different.”

            “Okay, yes,” JC said.

            “But all of your own partners have been different,” Lance said.  “Shawn was totally different from TJ.  They’re both drastically different from Nick.  Nick’s nothing like Howie.”

            “Nick and Howie are nothing alike,” JC agreed.  “Physically, sexually, personality-wise…”

            “But you like having sex with both of them,” Lance said.

            “For different reasons,” JC said.

            “Which reasons?” Lance asked.

            JC opened his mouth, then shook his head.  “We’re not doing this.  I’m not talking about my sex life with Howie!”

            Damn it.  “Joey’s right,” Lance said.  “Howie has sex with other people.  People who aren’t me.  I know that, I can accept that.”

            “They’re strangers,” JC said.  “This is me.  This could interfere in our friendship, and we agreed that we don’t want that.”

            “I have to deal with the reality of your relationship with Howie,” Lance said.

            “Facing the fact that I’m working with Howie, and standing here talking about why I like having sex with Howie, aren’t the same thing,” JC said.  “We’re not doing this,” he added, and left the kitchen.

            Lance wanted to kick something.  Damn it.

            Kevin called the body shop.

            JC’s attention wandered as Chris and Justin discussed Brian’s shoes and Kevin’s watches.

            Nick hadn’t told Joey that AJ was gunning for O-Town.

            Howie had asked JC if it was okay with him, and Nick hadn’t even mentioned it to Joey.

            Howie and JC had been fighting.  Angry, hostile, accusatory.  And Howie had still taken it upon himself to show JC enough respect as his partner to check in with him.

            Really, Howie hadn’t had to consult JC at all.  AJ had asked Howie, and Howie could have given AJ an answer without ever saying a word to JC.  It could have been a Boys-only conversation.  But Howie had brought JC into it, because they were partners, because that was how their relationship worked.  Even when they were fighting.

            Nick hadn’t shown Joey the same respect.

             Howie made it a point to show JC respect.  Made it a point to include him.

            Maybe they were closer than the others were.  Maybe they had a better partnership.  Kevin and Chris didn’t sound like equals.  AJ and Justin didn’t seem like equals, either.  Obviously Nick and Joey weren’t communicating.  And Lance had serious problems with Brian.

            Maybe JC and Howie were just a better fit.

            Initially, Joey had wanted to talk to AJ about Ashley.

            Now, he wanted to see for himself that he didn’t have to give Dan a second thought.  He hadn’t been concerned about Dan before, and he wasn’t going to be now; he just needed to confirm that there was no reason to be jealous.

            Jealous?  Jealous of what?  Jealous of the kid AJ was screwing over?  After everything that AJ and Joey had been through, it was going to take more than that skinny jackoff to make Joey jealous.

            AJ ushered him into the house with a smile.  “Hey, come in.  I thought I’d hear from you.”

            “Yeah,” Joey said.

            “You want to sit down?” AJ asked, leading him to the living room.  “It didn’t cause you any problems, did it?”

            “Ashley?” Joey asked, following him in and taking a seat on the sofa.  “No, not at all.  I can handle Ashley.”

            AJ sat beside him with a laugh.  “I’ll bet you can.”

            Joey grinned.  “He says you scared the shit out of him.”  There was a hickey on AJ’s neck.

            “I totally freaked him out,” AJ said.  “I didn’t even do that much to him.  Just got in his face, cursed him out, threatened him a little.  Pushed him around.”

            “I had to spend the night with him,” Joey said.  “I told him he’s not really a whore.”  Of course there was a hickey on AJ’s neck.  AJ had sex with other people.  AJ had other friends, other sexual partners, an entire life he didn’t know about.  The hickey couldn’t be from Dan.  It wasn’t from Justin, either.  Was it?  AJ and Justin had sex.  He’d told Justin exactly what AJ wanted.

            AJ laughed.  “He believed that?”

            Joey laughed, too.

            AJ’s gaze flickered over him, sexual interest appearing in AJ’s eyes.  “You look good.”

            “You look great,” Joey said.

            AJ gave him a brief smile.  “You want to get into it?”

            “I’m up for it.”

            AJ laughed, crawling over, climbing onto him.  “You always are.”  AJ’s fingers stroked along his beard while AJ’s teeth caught his lower lip.  “I should tell you, before we start, you’re going to have to ride my dick a little more than I ride yours.  I just got into it with somebody, and he tore up my whole body.”

            “That’s okay,” Joey said.  As long as he was with AJ, he didn’t care what they did.

            “He’s not as strong as you are,” AJ said, squeezing Joey’s thigh.  “But he has something powerful inside.  And his dick, I needed to have it the first time I saw it.  You should get with him sometime, you’d love it.”

            Justin, Joey couldn’t be jealous of.  Dan, it would be ludicrous to be jealous of.  This guy sounded like competition.  “He can’t be better than you,” Joey said, sliding his hands up AJ’s back.

            AJ grinned, leaning in for a kiss.  “Nobody’s better than I am.”

            “Why does this keep happening to me?” Erik demanded, opening the front door.

            “I’d call it dumb luck,” Nick said.  “Is Angel here?”

            “If you want to see him, call him and ask him if you’re welcome here,” Erik said.  “If you don’t have his number, I’m sure that Joey does.”

            “Fuck you,” Nick said, pushing the door back open as Erik began to close it.  “Angel!”  He glared at Erik and raised his voice.  “Angel!”

            “What’s going on?” Trevor asked, coming up behind Erik.

            “Did I call your name?” Nick asked.

            “Uh, no,” Trevor said.

            “Then this isn’t about you,” Nick said.  “Wait,” he said, looking at Trevor more closely.  “You’re the one who does shit for Kevin.”

            “Yeah,” Trevor said uneasily.

            “Go get Angel for me,” Nick said.

            Trevor hesitated, then gave in.  “Hold on,” he said and jogged off.

            “Why are you here?” Erik asked Nick.

            “To talk to Angel,” Nick said.  “Are you damaged?”

            “Are you?” Erik asked.

            Nick laughed.

            Erik stared.  Was Nick mentally unbalanced?  Did Howie know that his best friend was an unhinged freak?

            “What are you doing here?”  Ashley looked irritated and suspicious as he joined them at the front door.  “Thanks, I’ve got this,” he said to Erik.

            “Okay,” Erik said.  He gave Nick a dubious look, then relinquished the door to Ashley and walked away.

            Ashley repeated his question.  “What are you doing here?”

            “I want to talk to you,” Nick said.  “Not here.”

            “If you think we have anything to talk about, we can talk right here,” Ashley said.  He didn’t think that he and Nick had anything new to say to each other.  They were both in Joey’s life, and neither one of them was budging.

            “I’m not doing this in front of them,” Nick said.

            “I’m not going to your house with you,” Ashley said.  Those “talks” always turned into sex.  His previous attempts to stop having sex with Nick had failed, but he’d keep trying.

            “We’ll drive somewhere,” Nick said.  “Somewhere that’s not your house and not my house.”

            “I don’t want to go anywhere with you,” Ashley said.

            Nick’s eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring.  “Listen to me, Angel.  You owe me.  You slapped me, and you did it in front of Joey.  I didn’t break your face then, and I’m not going to do it now, so the least you can do is come with me and listen to what I have to say.”

            Ashley wanted to stand his ground, but he knew that Nick was right.  He’d expected Nick to retaliate, he’d been braced for it, but Nick hadn’t so much as touched him.  By all rights, Nick should have hit him back, especially since he’d made Nick lose face in front of Joey.  But Nick had been generous then, so Ashley decided to return the favor and be generous now.  “All right.  I’ll come.”

            Nick grinned.  “You always do.”

            AJ had been more and more aggressive recently, but at the moment, he was oddly tame, for AJ.  He was as responsive and demanding as ever, but less animalistic.  He used his teeth and nails lightly, teasingly.  His growls were soft rumbles of satisfaction.  He fucked with his usual intense energy, but he seemed less manic about it, less driven.

            It was like the last few times they’d been together, he’d been pushing for something he couldn’t find.  And recently, he’d found it.  Without Joey.  With whoever had inner power and a first-glance dick.

            The signs of the mystery man were all over AJ’s body, in dark grip bruises, in long red scratches, in oddly patterned love bites.

            The idea of AJ doing that to someone else didn’t bother Joey.  That was just the way AJ was, how AJ fucked.

            The idea of someone doing that to AJ bothered him.  Immensely.  He wanted to be the only one who left his mark on AJ.  He couldn’t tolerate the idea of anyone else having this effect on AJ.  On AJ’s body.  On AJ’s life.

            He’d always been the best.  The best fuck.  The most satisfying.  AJ’s go-to guy.

            Was he being replaced?  Surpassed?

            That wasn’t possible.  This guy was a flash in the pan.  It wouldn’t last.  He wouldn’t stay devoted to AJ, available to AJ, like Joey was.  He wouldn’t be able to give AJ what AJ needed, long-term.  Only Joey could do that.  Only Joey.

            Ashley had never been in one of Nick’s cars before.  Now he was in a luxurious black SUV with butter-soft upholstery and a powerful engine.  Nick drove with casual, benign self-interest, paying more attention to things inside the car than outside, like traffic signs and other cars would understand and forgive if he disregarded them.

            “You ever fuck in public?” Nick asked.

            “What?” Ashley asked.  “Of course not.”

            “Don’t sound so offended,” Nick said, casting him a glance.  “You freaked Joey in that cage, you put on that little strip show for us, you don’t seem to mind fucking us in front of each other - - I thought maybe you were one of those fuck in public guys.  It’s okay if you are.  It’s all cool with me.  I had a boyfriend who totally got off on it.”

            “Really?” Ashley asked.  He didn’t know anything about Nick’s life before Joey.

            “Total freak,” Nick said.  “He wanted me to fuck him everywhere we went.  Public restrooms, dressing rooms, other people’s houses, closets, back rooms.  He had a major kink, he totally got off on the idea that if somebody opened the wrong door or he got too loud, the whole world would discover what we were doing.  I can’t tell you how many times he gave me head while I was driving.”

            Ashley struggled not to look down at Nick’s lap.  His gaze traveled to Nick’s hand resting loosely on the wheel.  “What if you’d had an accident or been pulled over?”

            Nick laughed.  “You’d be surprised what you can get away with.  Besides, all I had to do was zip up.  Who was going to know?”

            It was so dangerous.  Scandalous.  “You’re kind of…famous,” Ashley said.  “Weren’t you worried about what would happen if you got caught?”

            Nick shrugged.  “Joey and I do shit.  You just have to know where to go.  There are places.”

            “Like Justin’s party?” Ashley asked.

            “Yeah,” Nick said.  “Only better.”

            Nothing could have been better than that.  Dizzy, hungry for the unknown, suspended over the crowd, Joey’s eyes on him, Joey’s hands opening him to…

            “You think you could take it?” Nick asked.

            “Take what?” Ashley asked.

            “Getting fucked with the rest of the world on the other side of the door and no lock?”

            “I gave Joey head in a public bathroom,” Ashley said.

            “Yeah, he told me about that,” Nick said.  “Not bad for a beginner.”

            Ashley was sick of having to prove himself.  It didn’t even matter what Nick thought; fuck Nick.  All that mattered was what Joey thought.  “You deserved to be hit.”

            “I didn’t tell AJ,” Nick said, and parked.  Ashley looked around; he’d been so preoccupied with their conversation, he’d stopped paying attention to where they were going.  Nick had stopped by a lake, with peaceful blue water in front of them and no one else in sight.

            “Where are we?” Ashley asked.  It was gorgeous, but, “You could kill me here and dump the body without witnesses.”

            “It’s private property,” Nick said.  “It belongs to a friend of mine.  I used to bring my ex here and fuck him.  In the car, in the water, on the grass.”  He shrugged.  “I figured you and I could talk here without being interrupted.  I want your attention.”

            “You brought me to your special fucking spot?” Ashley asked.  “Has Joey been here?”

            Nick grinned.  “Trust me, Joey’s been here.”

            Ashley didn’t want to explore whatever was behind that grin.  “You have my attention,” he said, unfastening his seatbelt.

            Nick slid his seat back, kicking off his sneakers and bringing his legs up, turning to face Ashley.  “I didn’t talk to AJ.  I didn’t know anything about him going over to your house until you showed up.  I was as shocked as Joey was.”

            “You didn’t know he was going to threaten me?” Ashley asked, carefully watching Nick’s eyes.

            “Hell, I mean, I’ve said shit to him,” Nick said.  “He knows I think you need to leave Joey alone, everybody knows that.  But I never told him to pay you a visit, and he never said anything about it to me.”  Nick leaned forward, gaze piercing.  “Angel, have I ever not been straightforward with you?”

            “You’re pretty blunt,” Ashley admitted.

            “You know that I have a problem with you.  I never hid it.  I’ve told you about it.  I don’t need to involve other people in this shit.”

            That was true.

            Nick looked irritated.  “Look…  AJ confronts you about you and Joey, that makes it seem like you’re a problem.  I don’t want everyone thinking that AJ had to take care of you because you were becoming a threat.  You’re not a threat to me.”

            “Yes, I am,” Ashley said.

            “Shut up and listen to me,” Nick said.  “Whatever happens between you and me and Joey is between us.  You’ve probably said shit about me to your friends, and I’ve said shit about you to my friends.  But it hasn’t gone beyond that.  I didn’t know that AJ was going to talk to you, and if I’d known about it, I would have stopped him.  Okay?”

            Nick had a convincing argument.  “Okay.”  He was going to have to say it.  “Sorry I hit you.”

            “You hit like a girl,” Nick said.

            “I didn’t want to get in trouble with Joey,” Ashley said.

            Nick grinned.  “Good point.”  He reached out, gently cupping Ashley’s chin in one hand, gaze focusing on Ashley’s mouth.  “You okay?  Does it hurt?”

            “It’s fine,” Ashley said, unnerved by Nick’s attention.  Nick’s fingers on his skin, Nick’s blue eyes centered on him, something warm was fluttering in Ashley’s stomach.

            Nick’s fingers stroked back, tenderly caressing over the bruises on either side of Ashley’s jaw.  “I’m sorry.”

            Ashley was so surprised, he asked, “What?”

            Nick glanced up at his eyes.  “I’m sorry,” he repeated.  “That AJ harassed you.”

            He was being so direct, and sounded so sincere, that Ashley felt bad for smacking him.  “I’m okay.  It’s not your fault.”

            Nick sat back, lowering his hand.  “I talked to AJ.  He’ll leave you alone.”

            “Thanks.”  Ashley was embarrassed at how scared he’d been.  Nick, AJ, they carried so much presence, so much confusing energy, they were so intimidating.

            “I guess Joey kissed it all better,” Nick said.

            Ashley smiled.  “Yeah.”

            “You know, you’re not his boyfriend,” Nick said.

            Ashley tried not to tense.  “I don’t want to get into this with you.”

            “Joey isn’t my boyfriend because he got bored and asked me out,” Nick said.  “We’re together because we love each other, because we’re good for each other.  We understand each other.  I give him what he needs, and he gives me what I need.  We’re both into sex, and we’re both into people, so we give each other space to screw around.  But those people don’t mean anything to us.  Those other people, that’s just sex.  We’re in love with each other.”

            Joey was in love with Ashley, too.  Nick didn’t know what he was talking about.

            “You’re okay to fuck around with,” Nick said.  “You’re a cute little fuck, and Joey gets off on sharing you with me.  But that doesn’t make you a part of our relationship.  That doesn’t make you anything except a nice little fuck on the side, and if you suddenly disappeared, believe me, he’d forget all about you.”

            Ashley wasn’t going to let Nick get away with saying that to him.  “Are you telling me all of this to put me in my place?  All that says to me is, you’re threatened.”

            Nick laughed.  “If Joey ever had you as a boyfriend, he’d hate it, and you know it.  You don’t know how to be Joey’s boyfriend.  You’re too needy and too clingy.  You’d never let him fuck other people, you’re too paranoid for that.  If you and Joey went out and he found some girl, you’d never let him fuck her.  You’re too jealous.  You’re insecure.”

            “Joey wouldn’t have to find other people,” Ashley said.  He hated Nick.  “I’d give him everything he needs.”

            “You don’t know what Joey needs,” Nick said.  “I understand him.  I’m always exactly where he needs me to be, and sometimes that’s right up beside him, and sometimes that’s somewhere else so he can have his space.  You don’t know how to give people space.  You don’t know how Joey wants to be loved.”

            “Fuck you,” Ashley said, shaking inside but refusing to show it.  “I know Joey.  Anything I don’t know, I can learn.”

            “Baby,” Nick said, “you aren’t that smart.  And let me tell you one more thing.”  He leaned closer, looking into Ashley’s eyes, his expression hard.  “I’ve let you have your good time.  I’ve let you play girlfriend in your own little head.  But if I think, for one minute, that you’re actually trying to break us up, it’s over.  Do you get that?  Nothing comes between me and Joey.  Nothing and nobody.  If I want you out, then you’re out.  So keep your shit together and don’t you ever cross that line, because your free ride will be over like you never existed.”

            Joey wanted to be happy.  He was with AJ.  He’d been given an exquisite chance to slow things down and really explore making love with AJ the way he’d imagined.  Their bodies were so tuned to each other, and they followed each other’s leads so well, that they made love with unique unspoken communication.  A subtle sound, a mere brush of fingers, and they knew enough to act on each other’s desires.

            Sated, AJ had grown lazy, winding around Joey and letting himself be caressed.  Heart pounding with unvoiced love, Joey treasured the moment, hands adoring AJ, his touch saying what he couldn’t.

            “Mmm.”  AJ purred, shifting warmly in his arms.  “We should go out sometime.”

            Go out?  The two of them?  Joey had begun to think that wasn’t going to happen ever again.  “Any time, anywhere you want to go,” he said, his voice casual, his palm in love with the hard muscle of AJ’s thigh.

            “I’ll give you a call,” AJ said.  His eyes were closed; his voice grew sleepy.  He was falling asleep in Joey’s arms.  Joey’s heart could barely take it.  “Joey,” AJ murmured.

            “Yeah?” Joey asked, his voice soft.

            “Order us something to eat.”  AJ yawned.  “Wake me up when it gets here.”

            Joey gently stroked AJ’s nape.  “Okay.”  I love you.  “I will.”

            Nick pulled into the Townhouse driveway.  He set the parking brake but didn’t cut the engine.  “Guess I’ll end up seeing you later.”  He glanced at Ashley.  “And stop looking so damned upset.  Don’t act like I never threatened you before.”

“Joey’s your boyfriend, he’s not mine, Joey’s your boyfriend, I’ll never have him - - stop throwing that in my face!” Ashley shouted.  “I’m so fucking sick of you reminding me of what I can’t have!”

Nick grinned.  “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

“Grow the fuck up,” Ashley snapped.  God, he was so damned confused, again.  Nick always did that to him.  Nick was so mean to him and so nice to him, so unapologetically rude and so unapologetically hot.  He wanted to go into the house and feel like shit and hate Nick for playing the “Joey’s mine” card again, but, at the same time, he didn’t want to leave Nick’s side.  Being trapped in a confined space with Nick was wreaking havoc on his…everything.  He was drawn to Nick, his eyes fascinated by every shift of Nick’s body, his hands eager with the need to touch, his mind quick to rationalize that since he’d been having sex with Nick behind Joey’s back, kissing Nick now wouldn’t be that much of a transgression.  It wasn’t fair that he wanted someone that he hated.  It wasn’t fair that his worst enemy was the source of his greatest ecstasy.  What was he supposed to do with that?

            “What?” Nick asked.
 

            “Nothing,” Ashley said, as if Nick hadn’t just caught him staring.

            “Can you get out so I can go?” Nick asked.

            Ashley wasn’t going to fall for that, wasn’t going to slip meekly into the house.  He hadn’t stood up to AJ, and where had that gotten him?  Facing Nick squarely, he sucked up his courage and said, “You’re an asshole.  Joey doesn’t need someone self-centered and arrogant who thinks he knows everything.  If you knew Joey at all, you’d know how to give him what he wants and he wouldn’t be crawling into my bed.”

            Bracing one hand on the dashboard, Nick leaned forward, eyes intense.  “You think you know Joey?” he asked, his voice soft and dangerous.  “You think you can give him what he needs?”  One hand on Ashley’s thigh jerked Ashley forward on the seat.  “The only thing Joey wants from you is that cute little ass.  The only thing Joey likes about you is how easily you give it up.  He doesn’t care about you, Angel.”

            “He loves me,” Ashley insisted, his voice coming out more scared than defiant.  It was time for Nick to hear it, time for Nick to know the truth.

            Nick laughed, sitting back, eyes flashing with dark humor.  “Did he tell you that?  I can’t believe he had the balls to try it.  Don’t tell me you actually believed him.”

            Ashley’s stomach twisted with fear; his heart pounded with hatred.  “Fuck you,” he said, opening the car door.

            “Aw, he thinks that Joey loves him,” Nick said, still laughing.  “Joey and Ashley sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G.”

            While Nick burst into fresh laughter, Ashley slammed the door shut and ran, into the house, away from that horrible sound, away from those horrible words.

            Nick didn’t know.  Nick didn’t understand.  Joey loved him.  Joey loved him!  He knew it, he knew it was true, Nick just couldn’t admit how much of a threat he was.

            “Fuck you,” he whispered, leaning back against the door.  “Fuck you.  Joey loves me.  He’s mine.  Joey’s mine.”

            “Bored,” Chris said, flopping around on the sofa.

            “Bored,” Lance agreed, slouched in an armchair.

            Chris rolled off of the sofa and onto the floor.

            “What do you want to do?” JC asked.

            “Go to dinner,” Lance said.

            “Play Donkey Kong,” Chris said.

            “Call Dan,” Justin said.

            “Donkey Kong?” JC asked Chris.

            “Dinner where?” Chris asked Lance.

            “Why are you so preoccupied with Dan?” Lance asked Justin.

            “We’ve been over this,” Chris said, sitting up.  “Justin and Dan are friends.  Justin turns to Dan in times of need and in times of boredom.  It’s time to stop being surprised.”
 

            “It’s like Dan is a magical solution,” Lance said.  “Call Dan, he’ll come over and everything will be okay again.”

            “Nothing’s ever going to be okay again,” Justin said.

            JC looked like he’d been slapped.

            “Of course it is,” Lance said, breaking the silence.  “Maybe not perfect, but life’s never perfect.”
 

            “It was perfect,” Chris said quietly.  “Sometimes it was perfect, and that’s why we can’t get over it.”

            “It was perfect,” JC admitted softly.

            “Brian took me by the hand,” Chris said, almost to himself, picking at the carpet.  “He took me by the hand and he led me to a place with sunlight and rainbows and happy little birds.  We were happy there, and life was perfect, and nothing ever went wrong.  I was loved and supported and believed in like I never was before.  Life was perfect.  Life was beautiful.  I, I was beautiful.”

            “Chris,” Lance said.

            “And then it was gone,” Chris said, continuing on.

“It’s gone forever,” Justin said.  “It’s gone for good.  Nothing’s perfect and nothing’s right and no matter what happens, no matter how much the sun shines or how happy the little birds are, my own personal life is never going to be okay again.”

            “Yes, it is,” Lance insisted.  “Your life is going to be okay again.  It’ll be happy again.  You can be happy again.”

            “How?” Justin asked.  “Without Kevin?  It’s impossible without Kevin.”

            “You still have us, health, enough money to start whatever projects you want, friends, family, fans, intelligence - - you like Dan, don’t you?  That means you can create other relationships, you can even fall in love again.  It won’t be the same, it can’t be the same, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no future for you.”

            “You sound pissed off,” Justin said to Lance.

            “I am pissed off,” Lance snapped.  “I’m sitting here with three very talented, attractive, smart people who can do anything they want with their lives.  And you’re moaning and depressed that someone didn’t love you?  We’re getting out of here,” he said, standing.  “We’re going out.  We’re going to dinner, and then we’re going to a club.  Several clubs.  Get up.  Get dressed,” he ordered, dragging Chris to his feet.

            “You’re going to make us have fun?” Chris asked.

            “Yes,” Lance said.  “I am.”

            “Come on,” Chris said, pulling Justin upstairs.  “I’ll find you something to wear.”

            JC got up and gave Lance a smile.  “I guess now we’re going to do what you wanted to do.”

            “You can play Donkey Kong later,” Lance said.

            Finally, only because AJ had asked him to, Joey made himself slide away from AJ’s warm, slumbering form.  He went into the kitchen, found the delivery menus, and ordered.  Then he went back to AJ, pulling AJ into his embrace.

            AJ moved sleepily against him, getting closer with a quiet sound of contentment.

            Joey remembered this.  Remembered sleeping together.  Remembered relaxing with AJ in his arms, secure in the knowledge that AJ belonged there.  They’d belonged together.  Belonged to each other.

            Joey didn’t belong to anyone anymore.

            Before AJ, that had felt like freedom.

            Now, it just felt lonely.

            “This is my shirt,” Lance said, rummaging through the contents of Justin’s closet.

            “I’m too sexy for these pants,” Chris said, examining his reflection.

            “You mean too short,” Justin said.

            “Same difference,” Chris said.

            “You need more colors,” JC said, rummaging beside Lance.

            “I have a lot of colors,” Justin said, looking around.  “I have every color there is.”

            Chris gestured Justin closer and whispered, “You don’t have pink.”

            “JC, you don’t have to wear pink every time you leave the house,” Justin said.  “I promise we’ll all still know you’re gay.”

            “It is kind of obvious,” Chris said.

            “You don’t have to be gay to wear pink,” JC said.

            “Stop stereotyping,” Chris told Justin.  “That’s wrong.”

            “Sorry,” Justin said.

            “Wearing pink doesn’t mean that he’s gay,” Chris said.  “Wearing pink means that he’s secure in his masculinity.”

            “Okay,” Justin said.  “Why don’t you wear pink?”

            “I’m not secure in my masculinity,” Chris said.

            “At least you admit it,” Lance said.

            “Joey’s man enough to wear pink,” Chris said.

            “Joey’s man enough to impregnate women with a single glance,” Lance said.

            “Are you going to wear that?” JC asked Justin.

            “Yeah,” Justin said, looking down at himself.  “Why?”

            “Can I wear it?”

            “I’m wearing it,” Justin said.

            “You’d look better in what Chris has on,” Lance told JC.

            “You would,” Justin agreed.

            “Hey,” Chris said, frowning.  “These clothes are already occupied.”

            “Give them to JC,” Lance said to him.  “We’ll find you something else.”

            Grumbling, Chris undressed.

            Justin tapped his fingers on the doorframe.  “Can I invite Dan?”

            “No,” Lance said.

            “Sure,” Chris said.

            “I don’t know,” JC said.

            Justin tried again.  “Can I invite Dan?”

            “Yes,” Chris said.

            “No,” Lance said, and Chris pushed him into a pile of jeans.

            “I don’t know,” JC said.  Lance pushed Chris back.

            “This is an us-only night,” Justin said, as Chris pushed Lance again, “but at the meeting, they were talking about including each other in our time with the guys.”

            “They also said we should take time away from the game and just relax together,” JC said, as Lance shoved Chris harder.

            “Get off my shoes,” Justin told Chris and Lance.  “I love spending time with just us,” he said to JC.  “But I keep dragging Dan into my stupid dramas, and I want to take him out for a good time.”

            “Okay,” JC said, pulling Chris away from Lance and putting himself between them.  “What if we go to dinner, just us, and then pick him up on the way to the clubs?”

            Chris glared at Lance.  Lance flipped Chris off.  Chris laughed.  Justin grinned.  “Okay.”

            “Wait,” Trevor said.

            “What?” Jacob asked, flipping channels.

            “Go back one,” Brian said.  “No, the other one.”

            “JC, Lance, and Joey, three members of *NSYNC, came and took Erik and Ashley to dinner,” Trevor said.

            “It’s scary how much you like this commercial,” Jacob said.

            “I love this song,” Brian said.

            “It’s a song about soup,” Jacob said.

            “It’s a fun song about soup,” Brian corrected him as the commercial ended.

            “Are you finished?” Jacob asked.  “Can I keep going now?”

            “I’m done,” Brian said with a smile.  “You can go ahead.”

            “Now Justin, JC, Lance, and Chris are taking Dan clubbing,” Trevor said.  “Four members of *NSYNC.  They’re taking Dan clubbing.”

            “Maybe they have him confused with Joey,” Jacob said.  “This?” he asked Brian, pausing on a movie.

            “Get over your crush on bad movies,” Brian said.

            “This is good cinema,” Jacob protested.

            “That’s it,” Brian said, holding out his hand.  “Give it to me.”

            “I just-”

            “Give it to me,” Brian repeated.

            “I didn’t-”

            “Now,” Brian insisted.  Sighing, defeated, Jacob handed over the remote control.

            “He gets to go out with four members of *NSYNC?” Trevor asked.  “That doesn’t even happen to me in wet dreams.”

            “Yes, it does,” Jacob said.  “You told us about it.”

            “That was Backstreet,” Trevor said, and immediately closed his mouth, realizing.

            Brian glanced at Trevor.  “Is this something I should know about?”

            “No,” Jacob said.

            “I…  Uh…  Shit.”  Trevor left the room.

            “He’s having a bad day,” Jacob said.

            “It doesn’t seem fair,” Brian said.  “If he and Chris were still friends, he could go with them.”

            “It sucks,” Jacob said sincerely.  “Too bad life isn’t always fair.”

            “Too bad,” Brian agreed, giving the remote back to him.

            Jacob took it, grinning.  “And sometimes it is.”

            “Sometimes,” Brian said with a smile.

            Sex.  Food.  Sleep.  Life was simple.  Life was good.  Content, AJ rolled onto his back, rubbing his stomach while Joey moved a take-out carton out of the way.  “I like just being here with you.”

            “I like it, too,” Joey said.

            AJ smiled.  “Guess what happened to me.”

            “What?” Joey asked, smiling back, curious.

            AJ was extremely pleased with himself.  “Yesterday, I had an orgasm.”  So good.  “With dick up my ass.”

            All of the color drained from Joey’s face.  “What?”

            “God, it was so good.  You should have seen me.  I was so close to coming, I was fighting with it and fighting with it, and all of a sudden it just…”  AJ’s hand moved through the air.  “Boom.”  He grinned.  “Major boom.”

            “Really.”  Joey looked like dinner hadn’t agreed with him.  His smile was positively sick.  “Good for you.”

            “It fucking rocked me,” AJ said.  “He doesn’t know my body doesn’t work like that, so he had no idea it was different.  I’ve never had an orgasm like that in my life.  Well, of course, literally, but I mean, it was so intense, it was so - - it was the most complete orgasm I’ve ever had.  I was coming from the inside out.  I was turning inside out.  It was like living out a sonic boom.”

            “That’s great.”

            “I can’t wait to see him again,” AJ said, sitting up.  “I can’t wait for him to do it again.  You have to try him, you’ll be in for the shock of your life.”

            “Great,” Joey said.  “Excuse me for a minute.”

            Lying back down, AJ rolled onto his side and pulled a carton closer as Joey ducked into the bathroom.  He couldn’t help it if Joey was jealous.  They’d always talked about sex with each other, discussed their various partners, compared notes.  That wasn’t going to change just because Joey had gotten sensitive about it.  Dan was an incredible, groundbreaking lay, and AJ wanted to talk about it.  Joey was just going to have to toughen up.

            Dan studied his shoes.  Did he want to wear his boots?  He didn’t know if Justin was taking him somewhere upscale or somewhere casual.  If the other guys were going along, they were probably going somewhere trendy with a posh VIP section.

            Boots, yes, but he had on the wrong shirt.

            “I hate my life,” Trevor said, rolling across Dan’s bed in despair.

            “You love your life,” Dan said.

            “Yesterday, I was in Kevin’s house,” Trevor said.  “We were hanging wallpaper.  When we were finished, he changed shirts right in front of me.  He pulled off his T-shirt, stripped right down to his skin, right in front of me.  He was sweating.  I thought I was going to die.”

            “From the odor?” Dan asked.  Some of the best clothes he had, Justin had bought for him.  Would it be weird to wear Justin’s clothes when he went out with Justin?

            “He’s the sexiest, most goddamned handsome man I’ve ever seen,” Trevor said.  “I had my - - let me explain this to you - - I had my hand, this hand,” he clarified, raising it into the air, “this hand of mine on his hard-on.”

            “Through his clothes,” Dan said.

            “Kevin Richardson’s dick was in my hand!” Trevor shouted.

            “If you’d yell it louder, the neighbors could hear you better.”  Black shirt?  Not burgundy.  Dark blue?

            “Why did I say no?” Trevor asked.

            “Because you’re in love with Chris,” Dan said.

            “Chris is taking you out for the night!”

            “Chris isn’t taking me anywhere,” Dan said.  “Unless he’s driving,” he conceded.

            “Driving,” Trevor said, and groaned.  “My car.”

            Dan sat beside him.  “Your car will be better than ever.  And Kevin will give you another chance if you want it.”

            Trevor looked at him.  “Do I want it?”

            Dan thought about it carefully.  “Chris is in love with someone else.”

            “Thanks for reminding me,” Trevor said, rolling away.

            “Should that stop you?” Dan asked.  “You got so much from Chris.  It was a really fulfilling relationship in a lot of ways.  The whole time, ever since you met him, he was in love with Kevin, and you still had a great time.  Is it worth it to drop him now?  You had a great relationship, you were really building something together.”

            Trevor sat up.  “I already want to get him back.  Don’t encourage me.”

            “Someday, Chris is going to move on,” Dan said.  “It’s going to happen.  He’s been trying to do it with you.  Don’t you want to be there for it?”

            Joey was going to find out who was fucking AJ, and kill the bastard.

            Someone else having sex with AJ?  That was fine.  Someone else was dating AJ?  No problem.  AJ was interested in somebody?  Okay with Joey.  But this?  This “I had an orgasm with dick up my ass?”  This “It was the most complete orgasm I’ve ever had?”  This “boom major boom sonic boom?”  From someone who didn’t even know it couldn’t happen in the first place?!  The fucker didn’t even know AJ!

            Dead, dead, dead.  Mr. “I can’t wait to see him again” was about to be Mr. Six Feet Under.

            Joey was in love with AJ.  He’d done way too much to prove his love, and he wasn’t about to let anyone else take his place.  With Sonic Boom around, who was he?  “I like just being here with you,” AJ had said.  That was his new role now?  Being Here with You Guy?

            Fuck that.

            Sonic Boom didn’t know AJ.  Sonic Boom didn’t love AJ.  Sonic Boom and his mysterious inner power and his terrific dick didn’t know shit about what it really meant to love AJ.  How much devotion and sacrifice and humility it took.  Loving AJ meant putting himself aside completely and doing everything, everything, for AJ.

            Joey had learned that too late.

            He wasn’t going to give Sonic Boom a chance to learn it at all.

            AJ and Sonic’s fabulous first fuck was about to be AJ and Sonic’s last fuck.

            While AJ walked him to the door, Joey thought of what to say.  He couldn’t place demands on AJ; that never went over well.  It was hard for him to plot conversation; he was still reeling.  He knew AJ, he knew AJ’s body like it was his own, every bone, every muscle, every drop of ink.  It was an established fact that AJ couldn’t come with anything up his ass.  Not dick, not fingers, nothing, nothing, ever.  AJ knew it, Joey knew it, it wasn’t even a challenge because it just wouldn’t happen.

            Except it had.

            But not with Joey.

            AJ’s hand rubbed over Joey’s bicep, turning Joey to face him at the door.  Joey met AJ’s kiss, closing his eyes and not letting in any thoughts but simmering arousal and yearning appreciation for the seductive allure of AJ’s mouth.

            When AJ ended the kiss, and Joey opened his eyes, he was struck one more time by the gorgeous power of AJ’s gaze.  He’d given himself over to hell just to keep a shred of AJ in his life.  No one would take that away from him.

            “I’ll call you,” AJ said, rubbing his arm and stepping back.

            “That’d be great,” Joey said.  Putting a hand on the doorknob, he made his best attempt at a casual smile, using his other hand to reach out and run a thumb over a hickey on AJ’s neck.  “Who is this guy, anyway?”

            “Oh,” AJ said.  “Danny.  Dan Miller.”

            He didn’t mean - - he couldn’t mean - - it was a common as dirt name, it-

            “I’ll see you,” AJ said.

            No.  No, no, no - - no no no - - NO NO NO

            “What?” AJ asked.

            He couldn’t lose it in front of AJ, he had to keep it together, he couldn’t lose in front of AJ, he had to keep it together, he couldn’t - - “Nothing,” he said in as normal a voice as he could summon in the moment.  “Bye,” he said, and left before he did something he couldn’t take back.

            Dan.  Miller.

            Dan Miller?!

            Erik picked up the phone on his way through the living room.  “Townhouse, Erik-Michael speaking.”

            “Erik-Michael, it’s Howie.  Are you busy?”

            “Not if you’re calling,” Erik said.  “Where do you want me when?”

            “At my house, now,” Howie said, with a smile in his voice.

            “Okay,” Erik said.  “Give me a minute to change, and-”

            “What are you wearing?” Howie asked.

            “Now?” Erik asked, walking up the stairs.  “Navy blue sweatpants and a red T-shirt.”

            “What are you going to change into?” Howie asked.

            “Are you perving on me?” Erik asked, going into his room and closing the door.

            “Of course not,” Howie said.  “What are you changing into?”

            “Jeans,” Erik said, glancing at the clothes around his room.  “A blue T-shirt if I can find it.”

            “Which jeans?” Howie asked.

            “Does it matter?” Erik asked.

            “Wear the dark ones,” Howie said.

            Dark ones.  “With the button fly?” Erik asked, picking up that pair.

            “No, the zipper,” Howie said.

            “They make my ass look huge,” Erik said.  “If I noticed that, it has to be bad.”

            “I love your ass,” Howie said.

Howie was definitely horny, and in a good mood.  “I’ll wear the light ones.”

            “With the rip?”

            “No,” Erik said.  Wearing those jeans around Howie and JC didn’t make him feel casual or trendy, it made him feel low-class.

            “I like that rip,” Howie said.  “It shows the sexiest slice of your thigh.”

            Hell, for Howie, he’d wear that pair every day.  “You’re perving on me.”

            “I’m not,” Howie said.  “Drive fast,” he added, and hung up.

            Lance and JC had gone ahead to the club.  Justin and Chris were on their way to pick up Dan.  As they pulled into the driveway, Chris saw Brian’s car.

            Brian.

            Brian loved him.

            “I love him,” Chris said.

            “Stay here,” Justin said.

            “I-”

            “Stay put,” Justin said firmly.  “I’ll get Dan, it’ll take two seconds.  Just sit right there and don’t get out of the car.”

            He hadn’t intended to do anything.  He couldn’t go in anyway; Trevor might be inside, and he wasn’t allowed to go near Trevor yet.

            Justin left him there.

            Chris wondered what Brian was wearing.  What Brian and Jacob were talking about.

            Justin was walking to the Townhouse’s front door.  Before ringing the doorbell, he ran a hand over his hair and straightened his clothes.

            Who did Justin think he was, a kid on his first date?  If he checked his breath, Chris was driving off.

            Justin rang the doorbell.  Chris wondered if Trevor would answer.  He wondered if Trevor was home.  He wanted to call and tell Trevor he was sorry about the whole car thing, but he had to wait for Trevor to call him first.

            Brian and Trevor were in there together.  Were they talking to each other?  It was possible.

            The door opened.  It was Dan.  Justin said something, and Dan said something, and Justin said something, and Dan came outside, closing the door.  They walked towards the car together, laughing about something.  Oh, how cute, Dan showed all of his teeth when he smiled, just like Justin did.

            They looked good together.  Young and attractive and happy and healthy and whole and on top of life.  Chris wished it could be true.

            Car doors opened; Justin sat beside him, Dan getting in behind them.  “Hey, Chris,” Dan said.

            “Hi,” Chris said.  “How’s Trevor?”  Oops.

            “He’s good, he’s good,” Dan said.  “A little jealous he doesn’t get a night on the town with you guys, but who wouldn’t be?”

            “We’re not that fun,” Chris said.

            Justin smacked his thigh while backing into the street.  “We’re a lot of fun.”

            “A barrel of laughing monkeys,” Chris agreed, turning to watch Brian’s car disappear from his view.  There it went.  “Bye.”

            Dan Miller.

            It wasn’t possible.  It wasn’t possible!  Dan Miller?!  That scrawny kid?!

            AJ would tear Dan apart!

            Joey couldn’t even pretend to believe it.  His brain wouldn’t accept it.  AJ was lying to him, AJ was fucking with him, AJ was-

            AJ was telling him the truth.

            His heart hurt, and he was breathing way too fast, and he just wanted to scream, wanted to drive this damned car straight into Dan’s fucking house, wanted to pound his fist straight into that little asshole’s face, wanted to slam his foot right into - - no, his hands, his bare hands, he’d tear through skin and muscle right to the bone and then break it, snap it right in half and-

            Dan Miller?!  Dan was nobody!  Dan hadn’t even been on his fucking radar!  That ball had come out of left field!

            Only it was a bowling ball, straight to the head.

            Straight to the gut.

            The guys had tried to tell him, they’d tried to warn him, but he hadn’t for one second believed...  He’d never even considered Dan as an option, much less a threat.

            Dan Miller was boom major boom sonic boom?  AJ couldn’t wait to see Dan Miller again?  Dan Miller was nobody!  A skinny nobody!  A skinny young nobody!  A boring as hell nobody!  Even his stupid fucking name was boring!

            What the hell did he have that Joey didn’t have?  Fuck that - - what the hell did he have, period?  A dick?

            Fine.  Fuck it.  Joey would cut the damned thing off.

            JC had said that he’d go to see Howie.  Now Howie was in a good mood.  Their little meeting must have gone well.

            Howie was horny, too.  He and JC must have been flirting.

            Or, Howie was horny because JC still wasn’t putting out and Howie’s hormones were going into “I need to fuck somebody” overdrive.

            The way Howie kissed Erik hello at the door indicated that Howie’s hormones had definitely kicked in.  The way Howie kissed him when they sat on the couch confirmed it.

            When Erik managed to get his mouth free, Howie’s hand went straight for his thigh, fingers stroking across the skin exposed by the rip in his jeans.  “How’ve you been?” Howie asked.

            “The usual drama’s been going on at the house,” Erik said.  “What about you?  Did JC come to see you?”

            Howie’s hand became still, but didn’t leave Erik’s leg.  “He was here.”

            Howie was conveying as little information as possible in the blandest tone available.  Erik braced himself for some teeth-pulling.  “What’d he say?”

            “It didn’t go well.”

            He could see that for himself, from the “I’m going to be irritated if you pursue this conversation” look in Howie’s eyes.  That calm tone of voice didn’t fool him at all.  “What did you say?”

            “I don’t remember every word,” Howie said with a vague smile.  “Have you eaten?”

            “We can eat in a minute,” Erik said.  “JC came over, and now he’s not here.  Are things better or worse?”

            “We can eat while we talk about it,” Howie said, patting his knee and rising, heading for the doorway.  “What do you feel like having?”

            Erik sat back, frustrated, while Howie went to the kitchen.  Worse, things were worse.  Not terrible, because if things were terrible Howie would seem more upset.  Right?  Okay, so what did that mean?

            “Do you want to cook or order in?” Howie called.

            “Cook,” Erik called back.  He liked watching Howie cook.

Howie wasn’t angry or depressed, just completely avoiding the subject of JC.  Which meant that Howie didn’t want to talk about it.  Which meant that Howie wasn’t going to let him talk about it.  Which meant…

            Which meant…

            Something bad had happened.  Not awful-bad, just unpleasant.  Maybe Howie wasn’t proud of his behavior, and didn’t want to admit that he’d been at fault.

            Maybe JC had come over, they’d gotten into a stupid bitchy little fight just because they were resentful and jealous and missing each other and no one wanted to be the first to give in and apologize.

            Walking into the kitchen, Erik found Howie poking through the contents of the freezer.  Leaning on the counter, Erik watched with a smile.

            “Do you want to…  What?” Howie asked, noticing his expression.

            “You’re human after all,” Erik said.

            Howie gave him a puzzled smile, closing the freezer.  “What did you think I was?”

            “Above human,” Erik said.  “JC’s so regal, and you’re so…”  He gestured, not sure how to describe it.  “You’re better than everybody else.  But you’re human, too.”  Howie could have a stupid, petty fight with his boyfriend like anybody else.  A really stupid fight, because a., who would fight with JC, and b., they were so damned perfect for each other it was ridiculous to be apart like this.

            “You’re not disappointed?” Howie asked, stepping closer, curious.

            “I like it,” Erik said.  “It makes you normal.  Kind of.”

            “I’m really not better than anybody,” Howie said.

            Erik grinned.  “Yes, you are.  So’s JC.”

            “Well, JC, of course,” Howie said with a smile.  “JC’s a very special man.”

            “What did you guys fight about?” Erik asked.

            Howie neatly turned away, going back to the fridge.  “I didn’t say that we had a fight.  I have a lot of frozen peas in here.  Do you want peas?”

            What he wanted was to talk to Howie, but obviously that wasn’t going to happen.  “Sure,” Erik said, giving in.  “Let’s have peas.”

            Justin desperately needed to dance.

            Kevin and Trevor.  Kevin and Trevor.  The two of them, together.  He hadn’t seen it, but he could feel it in his bloodstream.

            As they entered the club, he could feel it, the music rising around him, the beat pushing through his body.  He didn’t have Kevin.  He didn’t have AJ.  But he had music, and he had Dan, and that would have to be enough, tonight.

            “Looks like JC and Lance started without us,” Chris said, gesturing across the room.

            “Go say hi and order us something to drink,” Justin said.  “We’re going to dance.”  Taking Dan’s hand, he went straight for the dance floor, twisting when he found a good spot and pulling Dan against his body.  “Dance with me.”
 

            “Okay,” Dan said, but Justin was already moving, closing his eyes and letting go, putting the music in charge, inviting the beat to rule him.  There was nothing in the world but him and the music.  The universe was the music and he was its only inhabitant.  It pumped through his body more thoroughly than sex, moving him, and he flowed with it, followed it, let it own him.  He was turning, grinding, pivoting, popping, and the only thing that centered him was the body he was moving against.

            Joey kept driving because he didn’t know where to go.

            He couldn’t go back to AJ’s house.  He couldn’t cause a scene there.  He knew better.

            He couldn’t go to the Townhouse.  He’d absolutely fucking lose it if he got anywhere near that skinny little - - that guy had the miracle dick?!  That little - - he wasn’t even attractive!  He had absolutely no sex appeal!  If Dan Miller had half, a third, one quarter of the sexual intensity it took to kiss AJ, Joey would - - fuck!

            Fuck, fuck fuck, fuck!

            It didn’t even make any fucking sense!

            He couldn’t go home.  He’d go freaking nuts if he went home.

            If there was one thing Joey knew, it was AJ.  If there was another, it was sex.  He could outfuck anybody.  He could fuck better than any damn one.  He could induce orgasm as easily as snapping his fucking fingers.

            God damn it, there was no way some skinny little nobody from nowhere was going to outfuck Joey Fatone.

            After dinner, they settled onto the sofa.  Howie offered Erik the remote, relaxing, his hand making its way over Erik’s thigh as his mind wandered.  Lance had fallen in love with him the night before.  Fallen in love with him all over again, fresh and new.  He didn’t have to be told; he’d seen it, felt it for himself.  He knew Lance better than anyone else, and he knew that startled, wondering look, that flash of fear and knowledge.  Lance had opened up to him, sexually and emotionally, opened right up and invited him in.

            JC was falling, too.  Not as completely, because JC very much in love with Nick.  But it was almost like being in love with Nick had opened JC up to other people.  Like loving someone that thoroughly and having been hurt that much made it easier for JC to fall for other guys, because there wasn’t as much risk as there would have been before Nick.  He was definitely attached to Howie.

            With Lance’s love fresh, and JC’s love growing, what would happen if they decided to battle it out?  Howie smiled, running his fingers over the rip in Erik’s jeans, imagining them fighting over him.  They both hated to lose.  Ultimately, would it come down to which one of them loved him more?  Or which one of them he liked better?

            Howie felt Erik’s gaze on him, and turned his head, meeting Erik’s gaze.  Erik’s expression was both curious and unhappy.  Caressing slowly, his voice quiet, Howie asked, “What’s wrong?”

Erik shook his head.  “How can you be in love with someone and let things go wrong?  Why aren’t you fighting harder to be closer to him?”

            Howie let his gaze grow distant as he formed an answer.  “I know how I feel about him.  I know what I want to have with him.  I’m giving him time to be sure how he feels about me.  I only want us to be together if he’s absolutely sure of what he wants.  I won’t be with JC if he isn’t one hundred percent committed to me.”

            “But he is,” Erik said, insistent and frustrated.  “I can’t stand how stupid this is.  Why won’t you just suck it up, apologize, and get back together?”

            Howie’s expression twitched.  “Apologize?” he repeated.  “Apologize for what?”

            “God, fine, never mind,” Erik said, rolling his eyes in irritation, picking up the remote again.

            Howie didn’t care if Erik was fed up with him specifically, or with him and JC; he took the remote from Erik’s hand.  “If you have something to say to me, you’d better say it,” he said quietly but firmly, daring Erik to meet his eyes.  “What exactly do you think that I should apologize for?”

            Erik shifted away from him, pulling back; not from anger, just wanting space if they were going to argue.  “Maybe you didn’t mean anything by it, but you have to understand it from JC’s point of view.  You’re very flirtatious.  Sometimes it’s subtle, and a lot of times it comes across as you just being nice or just being friendly.  But sometimes there’s a lot more behind it, only it can be really hard to tell which one’s which.  You might think you’re just being nice to an old lover, but since you’re saying all of the same things with the same tone of voice you use when you’re seducing someone into bed, you can see why JC might have a problem with it.”

            “JC should know me better than that,” Howie said.  “He should know when I mean ‘It was great to hear from you’ and when I mean ‘Please get naked so I can fuck you.’  He should know that I love him and I’m loyal to him and I would never cheat on him.  I’ve been as good to JC as I can, I do anything I can to keep him happy, I give him everything he wants.  Why can’t he trust me?”

            “He probably does trust you, on any other subject,” Erik said.  “People get weird about exes.  I always hated it when girls got anywhere near their ex-boyfriends.  An ex is someone you once dated, someone you used to share everything with, someone you might have been planning to spend the rest of your life with, someone you thought you were totally in love with, someone who got to fuck you whenever he wanted.  That’s threatening as hell.  It makes sense to me that JC would get jealous and weird about it.”

            Howie let understanding color his expression.  “Maybe you’re right,” he said slowly, as if new light dawned.  Then he shook his head.  “But JC has nothing to be jealous of.  James and I were over long ago.  I’m with JC now, and we’re so good together-”

            “Yeah, but wouldn’t you have said that when you were with James, about the last boyfriend before him?” Erik asked.  “Being confronted with someone’s ex-boyfriend, it’s kind of like a reminder of your own mortality.  It’s like you and JC are happy together, everything’s great, you say you’re in love, you say you’re going to stay together forever.  But that’s the exact same thing that you said about James, and look where he is now.  He was replaced.  JC can be replaced, too.  Maybe next year or next month, he’ll be where James is and you’ll be telling your new boyfriend, ‘Don’t worry about it, baby, JC’s old news, I’m with you now.’  I’m sure that JC was fine and happy and didn’t have a problem with anything, until James showed up reminding him that you have a past, and maybe someday he’ll be a part of that past.”

            Erik wasn’t as stupid as he looked.  Howie was pleased with him.  “Have you talked to JC about that?”

            “No,” Erik said.  “I only figured it out four seconds ago.  You can talk to him about it, if you want.”

            Howie graced Erik with a brief, regretful smile.  “JC and I have a lot of things to talk about.”

            “So call him,” Erik urged.  “You guys practically lived together, and now you can’t pick up a phone?  He’s on speed dial.”

            Howie had re-programmed all of his phones to put JC first on his speed dial.  He’d talked JC into doing the same thing, since Erik might have wondered why pushing the first button on JC’s phone called Nick’s cell phone and pushing the second button called Nick’s house.  “JC and I will work things out.  I really believe that we will.  We just need another day or two.”

            “For what?” Erik asked, looking around for a reason.  “So far all you’ve done is driven me crazy.”

            Howie managed not to smile.

Continue on to part forty-five

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Sucker"
Boyslash
Home