Sucker

Copyright November 24, 2002-July 15, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people.  The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life.  This writing is a work of fiction.  I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part thirty-nine...

            The pizza was gone.  The soda was gone.  The TV was turned to the worst movie in recent history.  Dan was relaxing into a coma.

            Justin’s hands rested loosely on Dan’s chest.  “I missed you,” he said quietly.

            Dan put a hand over Justin’s, his eyes slipping shut.  “I missed you, too.”  Justin nuzzled behind his ear and against his neck.  There was nothing sexual about it; he simply seemed to seek comfort.  Dan squeezed his hand, murmuring his name, slipping into sleep.

            “Thanks for putting up with me today,” Chris said, once the table was cleared.

            “You’re welcome,” Kevin said.

            “I had a good time,” Chris said, toying with his own fingers.  “You were very nice, and I enjoyed myself.  I know that I shouldn’t miss Trevor, but I do, and I always miss Brian, and you make it easier, and I appreciate that, it’s very nice of you.”

            “You’re welcome,” Kevin said again.

            “Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time,” Chris said with more energy than he felt.  “I’d better go, I - - I don’t have anything to do, but I’m sure that you-”

            “You don’t have to leave,” Kevin said.

            “Oh, thank god,” Chris said, dropping his hands.  “I don’t?”

            “You can stay here tonight, if you want,” Kevin said.

            “All night?” Chris asked, staring at him.  “Until tomorrow morning?”

            “Yes,” Kevin said.  “We can have sex, if you’d like to.”

            “I would love to have sex with you,” Chris said.  “Can we do that now?”

            Kevin smiled, reaching for him.  “Come here.”

            JC’s thoughts were a whirl of how great Erik had been and how much he missed Howie and what a slut Ashley was and how much he missed Nick and what he could do to reassure Lance.  Lance was driving with impatient, jerky moves, shifting too quickly, changing lanes too abruptly, taking turns without braking.  The radio was off; they always drove with music.  Lance was pissed, and JC felt terrible.

            He should have thought of that, he should have realized how much Erik would upset Lance, he should have realized how unbearable it would be for himself to be near Ashley all night.  He hadn’t considered it at enough length; he’d assumed that it would be irritating but that they could handle it.

            They might have been okay.  They might have gotten through it without much real pain.  But then, there at the end, when Erik had gone into that “Howie misses you, Howie loves you” spiel, JC had almost felt Lance’s pain in his own body.  He knew that it had been too much, the last straw, a terrible ending for a rough evening.  Erik must have scraped Lance’s nerves raw all night long, and to end on that note - - JC only wished that he’d done more to prevent it.

            He should have told Erik not to bring up Howie in front of the other guys; he should have emphasized privacy and discretion.  But he and Howie had presented themselves to Erik as a fairly open couple, at least where the other guys were concerned.  Of course Erik would assume that it was okay to say those things in front of Lance.  And if it had been Joey or Chris or Justin, it would have been okay.

            Erik had been great.  He wished that he could think otherwise; he wished that Erik had embarrassed him and acted out of place and made him cringe with shame at merely being in the same room.  But, Erik had fit right in, as a friend, as an equal person at the table.  Erik had even dealt with Lance’s rudeness well.  Considering Erik’s age and relative inexperience compared to the people JC usually associated with, Erik had been terrific.

            Was that JC’s brain talking, or his libido?

            Lance parked in JC’s driveway with quick, irritated moves.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            “Come in,” JC said.  “Come inside, hang out here tonight.  We’ve all been spending time together, and that shouldn’t change just because it’s you and me.  If I were Justin or Chris or Joey, you’d come in right now, you’d spend the night.  You probably want to get away from me, but don’t let Howie come between us.”

            “We don’t have to spend every second together,” Lance said.  “We’ve been sleeping together for Justin, but he’s not here.”

            “I want to talk to you,” JC said.  “I want to hear what you think about Erik and tell you how much I hate Ashley and-”

            “We can do that over the phone,” Lance said.

            “It’s better in person,” JC said.  “Come inside with me.  I missed last night, I was with Erik, I didn’t get to stay with the rest of you.”  He felt another, surprising layer of truth peeling up inside.  “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

            “Fuck,” Lance said, looking at the house.  “Neither do I.”

            “I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts,” JC said.  “I don’t want to be alone with the worries and the fears and the doubts.  I don’t want to think about Howie and I don’t want to end up calling Nick thirty times.  Spending these past few days together has been good, it’s brought up new issues but it’s made me feel so close to you guys, so connected.  When you’re with me, this is easier to take.”  He put his hand on Lance’s arm.  “I’m stronger when I’m with you.”

            Lance met his eyes in the darkness of the car, in the light from the house.  “I wish I remembered what being strong felt like.”

            It was, ooohhh, funny.  Chris had just, aahh, been thinking about how much attention Brian had paid to his tattoo and, oh, mm, yes, now Kevin was, “Oh, god, that feels so good…”  Things had been going along very normally, following the standard pattern of making out, getting undressed, making out some more, etc., and when Kevin had begun to caress the tattoo Chris had been just fine with it; but the caressing had turned to kissing, and the kissing had turned to licking, and now Chris was really, really hard and having very vivid Brian flashbacks.

            It was wonderful.

            He wondered if Kevin was deliberately imitating Brian.

            He wondered if Kevin was mentally replacing him with Justin.

            That was less wonderful.

            If he personally wasn’t Kevin’s ideal sex partner, that was understandable.  If Kevin thought about other people while having sex with him, that was okay; he thought about Brian during sex a lot, himself.  He also thought about Brian while he was paying bills, clipping his toenails, and just generally breathing; but that was beside the point.  He didn’t think that it would be entirely easy for Kevin to think about Justin while fucking him, since physically they were almost nothing alike.  And he had no idea whether or not Kevin ever thought about Justin, in bed or out of it.  But it would make sense for Kevin to flash to Justin at this point in time, since Kevin had tattooed Justin the same way Brian had tattooed Chris.

            That might have explained why Kevin was sucking at his skin with such…intensity.

            “What are you talking about?” JC asked, walking into the living room with Lance.  “You’ve been the strongest one of us lately.  I’ve been wavering and wobbling and you-”

            “I’m so damned weak,” Lance said, dropping onto the couch and immediately sitting forward.  “I can’t believe I let that little shithole get to me tonight!”

            JC sat across from him, bracing for the conversation to come.

            “It wasn’t real before,” Lance said.  “It was abstract, something I understood but didn’t have to deal with personally.  Tonight, it was right there, sitting with me at the table.”

            JC couldn’t help but think immediately of Ashley, sitting right there, right there…

            “I’ve been thinking so much about Howie and me, Howie and you.  I didn’t even think about Howie and him.  He wasn’t a threat.  He wasn’t even on the radar.  He was just the meaningless thing that had unknowingly brought you and Howie together.”

            “He’s not a threat to you,” JC said.  He couldn’t let Lance think that, not for a minute.

            “I’ve hated him, of course I’ve hated him, but I forgot to think about exactly why I should hate him.  I went to dinner tonight planning to have a bad time, but it didn’t occur to me exactly why it would be so damned bad.”

            They should have talked about it beforehand.  Prepared each other.

            “He knows Howie,” Lance said.  “That little asshole knows my - - my Howie.”

            The pain, the shock, the grief were there, in Lance’s voice, on Lance’s face.  Muted, subdued, controlled, but there.  JC’s brain immediately flew to the stutter, to what Lance might have intended to say.  My boyfriend?  My lover?  My fiancé?  My - - god, not that, it could never have been that.

            “It’s bad enough to know that Howie’s spending time with him,” Lance said.  “Wasting time on him.  Taking him to lunch.  Taking him shopping.  Inviting him over.  It’s bad enough to know that they’re fucking.”

            Lance stopped speaking for a moment, and JC didn’t blame him.

            Back under control, Lance continued.  “Erik knows Howie.  Really knows him.  How did that happen?”

            JC felt guilty now, responsible.  It wasn’t his fault that Erik and Howie were close.  He was involved, but he wasn’t to blame.  However, he was the one who could most accurately answer Lance’s question.  “I don’t know.”  Or, maybe he wasn’t.  JC sighed, wishing that he could say that Lance was wrong, that Erik didn’t know Howie at all.  “The three of us have spent a lot of time together.  Maybe I didn’t realize how much.  I thought that we were mostly just having sex.  But he’s been paying attention, a lot of attention, to both of us.  Maybe there are things that Howie says to him when I’m not there.  We talk to him, we talk in front of him.  It’s not all sex all of the time, we take him out, we take him to lunch, we talk over breakfast.”

            “He knows you very well,” Lance said.

            “Maybe it just looks that way on the surface,” JC said.  “Knowing when to pass me the sugar doesn’t say anything other than that he’s seen me reach for the sugar before.”

            “It says that he pays attention,” Lance said.  “To you, and to Howie.”

            “He likes us,” JC said.

            “He’s infatuated with you,” Lance said.  “He has such a crush on you he worships the ground you walk on.  He looks at you like you’re a higher being.”

            JC was well aware of that.  He liked it.  It was easier to think of himself as better than Erik, if Erik treated him that way.  “He’s the same way with Howie,” JC said.

            “He’s immature,” Lance said.  “He’s obnoxious.  He has no experience with men, no experience with the industry, no experience with life.  He isn’t committed, he doesn’t know how to work hard, he’s always late, he’s always flat, and have you looked at him?”

            “He’s not a threat to you,” JC said again.  “Of everyone Howie’s ever met, who do you really think he’s going to take seriously?  Erik, or-”

            “You,” Lance said.  “You’re perfect for Howie, isn’t that what Erik said?”

            “Erik doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” JC said.  “He’s only seen what Howie and I have made it a point to show him.  It’s a show, it’s not real.”

            “Tell me it’s not real,” Lance said.  “Erik said that Howie misses you, that Howie loves you.  Tell me that it didn’t mean anything, that it’s just something he said.”

            “How can you need reassurance from me?” JC asked.  “You know that it’s not real.  Howie doesn’t love me, Lance.  Howie doesn’t miss me.  Howie doesn’t give a shit about me.”  God, he hoped that Lance believed him, but he didn’t know if he believed it, himself.

            “I have a hundred times more things to offer than that fuck-up does,” Lance said.

            “I know you do,” JC said.  That, he believed with all of his heart.  “You’re not my best friend because we happen to have known each other for a few years.  You’re my best friend because I know you, and I’ve seen firsthand how gifted you are in so many areas.  You can do anything you want to do, Lance, you can do anything that you try, and that’s so rare, so special.  Howie was blessed when he was with you.  I don’t know how Howie feels about you, I can’t pretend to have figured that out, but I know that he doesn’t want Erik.  He doesn’t even respect Erik.”

            “He doesn’t respect me, either.”  Lance looked tired.

            “Let’s go to bed,” JC said.  “Let’s go to bed and start over in the morning.  You’re not thinking clearly right now, and neither am I.  We’re just reacting to Erik and Ashley, and that’s not helping either one of us.”

            “Ashley.”  Lance sat back, spreading his arms along the back of the sofa.  “How do you feel about Mr. Angel?”

            JC clasped his hands and looked at Lance quite seriously.  “I want to castrate him.”

            Kevin had been very good to Chris, a great source of support.  An anchor and a shield.  Chris wanted to show his gratitude, to repay the debt by pleasing Kevin.  Through sex.

            He wanted to do the pleasing in other arenas, too, but pleasing Kevin in bed seemed appropriate.  As long as Kevin was nice enough to fuck him, he should try to make it as enjoyable for Kevin as possible.  It was only right.

            He had to admit that Kevin seemed pleased.  Not to the point of orgasm just yet, but on the right path.  He’d given Kevin head in the specific way that Kevin liked, and that had gone over very well.  Now Kevin was fucking him with a nice, steady thrust, good and deep, hands traveling his body like he was a pleasure to touch, rubbing his chest, stroking his stomach, cupping his balls, massaging his thighs.

            Kevin was smiling, but with an intense, inwardly focused look around his eyes.  He kept coming in for a kiss, which Chris was happy to provide.  He sounded pretty pleased; he was making a lot of little moaning noises, like he didn’t want to get too noisy but it felt so good he couldn’t stay quiet.

            Chris wanted to do something extra to make it good, but his mobility was limited, and Kevin wasn’t the kind of guy he felt confident about talking dirty to.  He required one hand to jack his own dick, but he let his other hand wander over the terrain of Kevin’s body, stroking and squeezing.  The ripple of Kevin’s abs fascinated his fingertips, and the slide of Kevin’s tongue into his mouth made his eyes close.

            “You’re going to laugh at me,” JC said, undressing.

            “I’m not going to laugh at you,” Lance said.  “JC, I don’t blame you for hating him.  I spent half of our dinner tonight plotting on how to get away with stabbing Erik with my fork.  I was trying to decide where to stash the body.”

            “If we’re this bad now, how are we going to feel when we actually see…”

            “Nick and Ashley together?” Lance asked.  “Howie and Erik together?  I don’t know.”  He sat on the bed, waiting as JC joined him.  “Tell me why you hate Ashley.  There are plenty of obvious reasons, so start somewhere.  I won’t laugh.”

            “That little…bitch.”  JC tensed with hatred at the idea of Ashley.  “He’s all surface, no substance.  He’s like sugary sweet icing with no cake underneath.  He has no depth and no maturity.  He looks pretty and he smiles pretty, but can you imagine holding a conversation with him?”

            “He didn’t have much to say at dinner,” Lance said.

            “Because Joey was fondling him the whole time!  He wasn’t even participating, he wasn’t teasing and getting into it, he was just sitting there letting it happen because he doesn’t even possess the maturity to decide what happens to his own body!  That’s not a man,” JC argued, “that’s a child!”

            “How old is he?” Lance asked.  “Twenty-one?”

            “He wasn’t into it enough to encourage Joey, and he didn’t have the balls to decide he didn’t want it and discourage Joey.  He just sat there, and let Joey mess with him right in front of us.  If I didn’t hate the bitch so much, I would have been embarrassed for him!”

            “If he didn’t like it, he could have said no,” Lance said.  “Joey wouldn’t have kept going if he’d bothered to say anything.”

            “I hate him,” JC said.  “I hate his perfect little wings and his perfect little pecs and his cute little nose and his bashfully charming little smile and his blond hair and I hate him, I hate him so much, there’s no damned fucking way that that little Skipper doll can please Nick like I can.”

            Lance shook his head.  “I can’t believe you’re jealous of him.”

            “You’re jealous of Erik!” JC exclaimed.  “Have you looked at Ashley?  He’s everything Nick wants!”

            “Pretty fluff?” Lance asked.  “If Nick’s that damned shallow, that’s Nick’s problem.”

            “He’s competition from hell,” JC said.  “He was designed in a lab somewhere specifically to break me.  He’s perfect.  He’s so sweet and so considerate and so blond and so adorable.  His name’s Ashley Angel, god damn it.  How can I compete with that?  I can give Nick a hundred, a thousand, a million things that that little bitch never could, but when it comes right down to it, I can’t compete with perfection.”

            “That kid is not your competition,” Lance argued.  “JC, no one is your competition.  There is no one like you.  He’s not in your league!  You have your own league, all by yourself.  The JC League.  You’re the only player.  You’re the manager, the owner, the ball boy…”

            JC laughed.

            “Ashley can’t compete with you,” Lance said.  “He doesn’t have your class.  He doesn’t have your experience, sexually or musically or anything else.  You’re gifted, JC, you’re a musical genius.  You’re an incredible, incredible performer.”

            “We’re not having a dance-off,” JC said.  “I’m fighting for Nick.  I’m fighting for my life.”

            “If Nick prefers anyone to you, he’s out of his freaking mind,” Lance said.  “If he for one second prefers Ashley over you, he deserves what he gets.”

            “He’s so young,” JC said, desperate and frustrated.  “He’s so pretty.”

            “Justin’s young and pretty,” Lance said.  “Look at what Kevin did to him.  I don’t think that young and pretty gets anyone very far with these guys.”

            “If I were competing with Ashley for anything else, for anyone else, I’d walk right in and take over,” JC said.  “I’d have no problem establishing complete dominance.  But this is Nick.  I know what he likes, and Ashley has all of it.”

            Lance thought about it  “For all we know, Nick is threatened by Ashley for being younger and prettier than he is, and Nick’s going to take him out for it.”

            “I know I must have been the best lover Nick’s ever had,” JC said.  “I know I was.  I’m the best there is.  Ashley doesn’t have my moves, he doesn’t have my style, he doesn’t know Nick like I do.  He can’t love Nick like I do.  No one can love Nick like I do.”

            Orgasm pulsed through Ashley with blinding color.  “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he moaned, shuddering under Joey and raking his nails across Joey’s ass.  “God, Joey, Joey, fuck me, fuck me.”

            “Maybe you don’t have much to worry about,” Lance said.

            “Maybe Ashley’s going to suffer a disfiguring accident?” JC asked, sliding down and rolling onto his stomach.

            “Ashley’s in love with Joey,” Lance said.  “The way Joey talks, Ashley’s really far gone.  Maybe he’s so in love, he won’t ever feel the same way about Nick.”

            “If Nick wants him, Nick will get him,” JC said.  “If Nick wants Ashley to love him, Ashley will love him.  It happened to me, and Ashley’s weak prey.”

            “Maybe Nick won’t want him,” Lance said.  “Ashley seems like an okay toy, a temporary pet, but long-term?  Anyone with a dominant personality would shred him like wet toilet paper.  He’d be useless.”

            “I’m so much better than he is,” JC said, rolling onto his back and glaring in frustration at the ceiling.  “I know I am.  I could give Nick so much more.”

            “You seem worried about the physical,” Lance said.  “I don’t know why.  You have a better body.  You have better hair.”

            “It’s that cute little nose,” JC said.  “I want to break it.”

            “There’s nothing wrong with your nose,” Lance said.

            “He has such a great build,” JC said.

            “You have.  An incredible.  Body,” Lance said.  “You’re driving yourself crazy for no reason.”

            “He has that jaw,” JC said.

            “If Nick went for that jaw, he would have jumped Brian or Kevin by now,” Lance said.

            “He has those cheekbones.”

            “You have cheekbones,” Lance said.  “I’m not talking to you about this anymore.  You’re better than Ashley from every possible angle, physical and otherwise.  No one is going to want him over you.  His best friend likes you better.”

            JC sighed, closing his eyes.  “Joey and Nick, together.  That…”

            “I know how that feels,” Lance said.

            “But now, Ashley and Nick, too?  It’s easier, because I can hate Ashley as much as I want.  But I can’t take this, up close and in my face, from two directions.”

            “We have to learn how to deal with it,” Lance said.  “It’s not going away, and we can’t escape it.  I have to learn to be around Erik.  You have to learn to be around Ashley.”

            “We have to learn how to get used to seeing them and not screaming at them?” JC asked.

            “We have to learn how to be nice,” Lance said.  “Civil.  Friendly.  We can’t be hostile.  I fucked up tonight.”

            “I told him you were having a bad day,” JC said.  “If you’re decent to him from now on, it should be okay.”

            “We’re going to have to master being fake and two-faced,” Lance said.  “We’ve been putting forth an okay effort so far, but we have to get professional.”

            “We’ve seen the best,” JC said.  “We’ll just learn how they do it.”

            “It’ll be hard,” Lance said, sliding down onto his back.  “Seeing Howie with Erik.”

            “If Kevin and Trevor hook up…  Justin’s not going to be able to take it,” JC said.

            “I don’t know how Chris deals with Brian and Jacob,” Lance said.  “Once Brian starts fucking him…”

            “I don’t think that Joey’s given Dan much thought,” JC said.

            “Does he need to?” Lance asked.

            Suddenly, with abrupt vehemence, Dan kissed AJ back, grabbing the strap of AJ’s tank top, yanking AJ’s body against his.  They were pushing at each other, pulling on each other, growling and biting, snarling and licking.  They never stopped kissing, as though they were determined to eat each other alive, as though this were just a way of waging their war on another level.

            “Yes,” JC said.

            Chris walked his fingers across Kevin’s chest.  “Is there anything else that I can do for you?”

            “I’ll let you know,” Kevin said, draping an arm over Chris’s waist.

            “Do that,” Chris said.  “Let me know.  It can be anything, I’m not picky.”

            “You miss Trevor, but you’ve been very good about sticking with our plan,” Kevin said.

            “I’m doing my best,” Chris said.

            “Because you’ve been doing so well, I’ll move things along,” Kevin said.  “I’ll call him tomorrow.”

            Chris stared at him with hope and dread.  “You will?”

            “I will,” Kevin said.  “Do you want me to keep you informed on how things go?”

            “Yes,” Chris said.  He wanted to know how Trevor was, how Trevor reacted to Kevin, what Kevin thought about Trevor.  “You’re his favorite person, in the world, ever.”

            “No,” Kevin said, and kissed him gently.  “I’m second.”  Another kiss, slow, seductive.  “You’re first.”

            Sex was so good.

            Sex with Joey was so, so much better.  Joey was a sex machine, a love machine, a lust machine.  Sex poured from him, and when it flowed over Ashley, enveloping Ashley’s body, all of Ashley’s senses, it changed his whole state of being.

            Orgasms were Joey’s specialty.  He could trigger them as easily in other people as he could in himself.  For Joey, getting someone else off was as simple as masturbating.  He knew exactly what he was doing, and didn’t pretend not to.  Ashley loved that about him.  That confidence.  That mastery.  That knowledge.  Joey was terrific with people, in bed and out of it.

            Joey kissed his cheek.  “You falling asleep, pretty?”

            “Mm-hmm,” Ashley murmured, without bothering to open his eyes.

            “I have to make a call.  Sweet dreams.  I’ll be right back.”  Joey kissed his temple and left the bed.

            He was probably calling Nick.  That was okay.  Nick was on the other end of the call; Ashley was the one in Joey’s bed.

            JC was on his side, plucking at the sheets, thinking.

            Lance was facing JC, gazing over JC’s shoulder at nothing, thinking.  Ashley was JC’s competition.  JC was Lance’s competition.  Lance was screwed, but no matter how bitter he was about his imminent loss to JC, he hated it that JC felt threatened by Ashley.  Ashley was nobody, no one, harmless fluff.  JC was…JC.

            Lance’s cell phone rang.  Pushing his thoughts away, Lance left the bed, tracking down his phone.  “It’s Joey,” he told JC, coming back to the bed.  “You got Lance.”

            “Hey, how’d everything go after I left?” Joey asked.

            “I got sick of Erik, and we left,” Lance said.  “We’re here at JC’s house now.  We haven’t heard from Justin or Chris.  We should call them,” he told JC.

            JC reached for his phone to do that.

            “What’d you think of Erik?” Lance asked.

            “He’s okay,” Joey said.  “He’s fun.”

            Not what Lance had wanted to hear.  “What about physically?”

            “What - - are you seriously worried about this?” Joey asked.  “Do you think for one minute that Howie’s really considering him?  This whole thing is a joke,” he reminded Lance.  “It’s a game.  Howie’s not serious about Erik.”

            Just like last time it had all been one big game, and Howie had never been serious about him.  Lance shut his eyes.  “They make me feel so old.  When we were their age, we’d already learned so much.”

            “You’re their age right now,” Joey said.

            “I feel ten years older.  Don’t they seem…young?”

            “We’re just incredibly mature,” Joey said, and belched.  “Excuse me.”

            Lance laughed.  “Do you want to talk to JC?”

            “Sure,” Joey said.

            Lance handed over his phone, taking JC’s.  “I called Justin,” JC said.  “He didn’t answer.  Call Chris.”

            Lance nodded, dialing.

            “Hey, Joey,” JC said, tucking an arm behind his head.

            “How’re you doing?” Joey asked.

            “I hate him,” JC said.  “I hate him so much, I don’t want to say his name.  I want to break his nose.”

            Lance took the phone from JC.  “Tell JC there’s nothing wrong with his nose,” he told Joey, and passed the phone back.

            “There’s nothing wrong with your nose,” Joey said.

            “What’s the inside of his head like?” JC asked.  “Does he have an inner monologue?  Does he have a train of thought?  Is it all soft, swirling colors in there?”

            “He’s not stupid,” Joey said.  “He’s too trusting and too naïve, but he’s not dumb.”

            “Does Nick like him?” JC asked.

            “No,” Joey said.  “Not to his face and not behind his back, either.”

            JC couldn’t smile.  “Good.”

            The four of them were grouped on Jacob’s bed.  Brian and Jacob were seated by the head of the bed, facing Trevor and Erik at the foot.  Brian was in the middle of the story about Nick, AJ, and the lizard when Jacob curled up behind him against the pillows.  Brian was in the middle of the story about Kevin, Nick, and the unicycle when Jacob fell asleep.

            Brian told one more story, then yawned and rubbed his eyes.  “I’ve been talking so long I’ve bored myself to sleep and made Jacob pass out.”

            “You’re the least boring person I’ve ever met,” Trevor said.  “Did Kevin really-”

            “Trevor, he wants us to leave him alone so he can go to sleep,” Erik said, laughing.

            “I want to hear more about the gondola,” Trevor said.

            “I’m sure I’ll be around tomorrow,” Brian said.

            “Okay,” Trevor said.  He got up reluctantly, letting Erik guide him towards the door.  “We’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

            “Good night,” Brian said, smiling.

            “Good night,” Erik said, tugging Trevor from the room.

            “Thanks!” Trevor called, as the door swung shut.

            Brian shifted onto his side, scooting down until his head was pillowed on Jacob’s ribcage.  “Hey, you, wake up,” he said, tapping Jacob’s shoulder.

            Blue eyes opened halfway, peering at him with sleepy suspicion.

            “It’s time to go bed,” Brian said.

            “I’m already asleep on my bed,” Jacob said, eyes falling shut again.  “What more do you want from me?”

            “You don’t look comfortable,” Brian said.

            “I’m asleep on my bed,” Jacob said.  “How much more comfortable can I get?”

            “You’re on my pillow.”

            Jacob laughed, sitting up and crawling into his usual spot, leaving Brian’s pillow.  “Better?” he asked.

            “Thank you,” Brian said.  “That’s much better.”

            “Good.”  Jacob shimmied out of his jeans and slid under the covers.  “How’d you like entertaining my friends?”

            “They’re good guys,” Brian said, taking off his own jeans and getting comfortable.  “I like them.”  Jacob’s eyes were sliding shut again; he touched Jacob’s nose.  “They’re not you.”

            “Not everyone’s lucky enough to be me,” Jacob murmured, halfway asleep already.

            “It’s a real shame,” Brian said, gently pushing Jacob’s dreads back.

            “That’s right,” Jacob agreed, and was asleep.

            Brian smiled, fingers lingering.  “Good night, my love.”

             JC was on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  Lance, beside him, was in the same position.

            “Maybe we should make an arrangement,” Lance said.  “Whatever I say about Estrada, no matter how negative it is, you all have to pretend to agree.  Whatever you say about Ashley, we’ll all agree with.”

            “Ashley’s an immature slut who wouldn’t know what to do with a real man,” JC said.

            “Completely immature,” Lance agreed.  “A real slut.  Totally ignorant.  Clueless.”

            “I like this,” JC said.  “I’m in.”  His phone rang.  “Get that, it could be Justin or Chris.”

            Lance picked it up, glancing at the ID.  “Or Howie.”

            Shit.  JC looked at Lance.  “You can answer it.”

            “He’s not calling me, he’s calling you,” Lance said, giving him the phone.

            JC hesitated, then set the phone aside.

            “Answer it,” Lance said.  “Answer it,” he insisted, when JC didn’t move.  “Do you want me to go?  I’ll go to the kitchen, I’ll-”

            “No,” JC said.   “No, stay here.  He doesn’t want anything important.”

            “We can’t let them accuse us of not being committed or not being serious or letting our emotions get in the way,” Lance said.  “You and Howie are working together, he’s calling, you should talk to him.  This is a business partnership.  You should tell him about tonight, anyway.”  Lance got up, crossing the room to the door.  “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

            “The phone stopped ringing,” JC said.  “I-”

            “So call him back,” Lance said, and left.

            JC wanted to forget about Howie and stick with Lance.  But Lance was right.  JC didn’t like being accused of not being committed.  Howie, the Boys, they were committed all of the time, they were serious about the game, they constantly worked all of the angles.  JC was already at a disadvantage, not having their gift for strategy; he wasn’t going to give them more to criticize.

            And he wanted to know what Howie wanted.

            He dialed.

            “Hello?” Howie asked.

            He hadn’t been prepared for the sound of Howie’s voice.  It wasn’t supposed to feel this familiar.  JC closed his eyes and made himself sound distant.  “It’s JC,” JC said.  “Did you just call me?”

            “Yes,” Howie said.  “We have to talk, JC, I need to see you.”

            Howie asking for him shouldn’t tug at him like this.  “We can talk over the phone.”

            “There’s so much to discuss,” Howie said.  “Can’t we meet tomorrow?”

            “Early,” JC said.  “First thing.”  He didn’t want to do it in public, and he didn’t want to have Howie in his house in front of Lance.  “I’ll come over.”

            “That would be great,” Howie said.  “I’ll see you then.”

            He wanted to see Howie sooner than that.  He wanted to talk to Howie.  He wanted to know what Howie wanted to discuss.  He wanted - - damn it.  JC pushed himself to sound brisk.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Bye.”  He hung up before Howie could respond.

            He hated Howie.  For a million things.  For doing this to him.

            He missed Howie.

            Shit.

            Dan sat up carefully, rubbing the kinks out of his neck.  It seemed early, but it was morning.  He wasn’t looking forward to leaving, but he had rehearsal, and he couldn’t take Justin with him.  Or, more accurately, he’d like to take Justin with him, but he didn’t think that Justin would be willing to go back just yet, considering what had happened last time.

            Stretching along the way, he went down the hallway to the bathroom.  He hadn’t intended to spend the night on the couch.  He’d probably squashed Justin.  Well, Justin had seemed pretty fast asleep; maybe being squashed was effective.

            On his way out of the bathroom, he took a detour by the kitchen, opening the-

            Dan heard a sudden, horrified scream.  Then: “Dan!  Dan!  Dan!”  He ran, skidding around the corner, rushing right to Justin.  Justin was awake, terrified, and the instant he reached the sofa he was yanked into a crushing embrace.  “Oh, god,” Justin panted.  “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

            “I’m okay,” Dan agreed, heart pounding.  “Don’t scream like that, you scared the shit out of me.  I’m okay, I’m right here,” he said, resting his chin on Justin’s shoulder.  “It’s okay, everything’s all right.  Nothing’s wrong, Justin, everything’s okay.”

            “He hurt you,” Justin said, still holding on tightly.  “He was hurting you, and I couldn’t stop it.”

            “He’s not going to hurt me,” Dan said.  “He won’t hurt me.  He won’t hurt either one of us.”  He wouldn’t let AJ hurt him, and he’d do everything to protect Justin.

            “He wouldn’t hurt you.  He won’t hurt you.  He doesn’t care about you.  He barely even knows you.  He won’t hurt you.”

            “That’s right,” Dan said.  “He won’t bother to come after me.  He doesn’t even care about me.”  Um…  “Justin, my whole body’s going numb.”

            Justin finally let go of him.

            “Thanks.”  Dan sat back.  “It was just a nightmare.  I’m fine.  No one’s going to hurt me.  No one pays enough attention to me to want to hurt me.”

            “I love him more than I’ll ever love anyone,” Justin said.  “He knows that.  And he’d never be threatened, he doesn’t care who I’m friends with, he knows there’s no one else but him.”

            “AJ knows that you and I are friends,” Dan said.  “If he had a problem with that, he would have thrown a big fit about it before now.  He’s not going to come after me.  If he does, I can take care of myself.”

            “Right,” Justin said, rubbing his hand over his head.  “Right.  You’re right.  It was so vivid, I felt so helpless…”

            “You’re not helpless,” Dan said.  “You’re very capable of helping yourself.  And you’re capable of helping other people.”  He watched Justin gradually calm down.  “Okay?”

            “Yeah.”  Justin finally relaxed.  “It was just a dream.”

            Now that Justin was calm, it was time to change the subject, so Justin wouldn’t dwell on it.  “That’s the last time we sleep down here.”

            “Sleeping here was fine,” Justin said.  “I think it’s sleeping alone that got to me.”

            “I’m sorry,” Dan said.  “I’ll stay next time.”

            “You don’t have to stay,” Justin said.  “You can wake me up.”

            “You always look so sound asleep, I hate to disturb you,” Dan said.

            “Leaving me alone disturbs me more,” Justin said.  “Trust me, it’s better if you just wake me up.”

            “Speaking of alone…  I’m going to have to go back to the house this morning,” Dan said.  “We have rehearsal.  If you want to come along, you can wait in my room.”

            Justin sighed, slumping back and gazing vaguely in the direction of the ceiling.  “It would be wrong to keep you here.”

            “I can’t stay,” Dan said.  “I can come back, afterwards.”

            “I want to come with you.”  Justin found his hand without looking, fingers curling against his palm.  “But…”

            “It’s okay,” Dan said.  “Don’t push yourself.”

            “I could call the guys,” Justin said.

            “That’s a good idea,” Dan said.  “If you want, I could come back here after rehearsal.  You can call me, let me know.”

            “Yeah.  Okay.”

            “I don’t have to go right now,” Dan said.  “We can have breakfast.”

            “God, that freaked me out.”  Justin rubbed his forehead with his free hand.  “If he targets you, I have no way to keep you safe.”

            “I’m safe,” Dan said.  “Don’t worry about me.  No one’s coming after me.  If AJ decides to start something, I can handle it.  I can take care of myself.  You focus on taking care of yourself.”  He held Justin’s hand more firmly, getting Justin’s complete attention, waiting until Justin’s eyes met his.  “I don’t want you to worry about me.  I don’t even want you to think about it.  I’m fine.  I’ll be fine.”

            “I don’t know why I’m dreaming up new problems, like I don’t have enough to worry about,” Justin said.

            “Then let it go,” Dan said.

            “Just let it go?” Justin asked.

            “Just let it go,” Dan said.  “Let it go, wave good-bye to it, and move on to the next thing.”

            Justin gave Dan a dubious look, but said, “Okay.”  Closing his eyes, he said, “I’m letting it go.  I’m letting it go.  I’m letting it go.”  He opened his eyes.  “There it goes.”  He waved.  “Good-bye.”

            “Great,” Dan said, smiling.  “Breakfast?”

            JC had told Lance that he had to go out for a while, but that Lance could stay.  Lance didn’t ask him where he was going, but he knew that Lance knew, anyway.  They moved around each other in heavy silence as they prepared to face the day.

            Joey set a bowl of cereal in front of Ashley, offering him a spoon but quickly pulling it back.  “Are you sure that you have to leave?”

            “I’m sure,” Ashley said, with a patient smile.  He reached for the spoon; Joey wouldn’t let him have it.  “It’s really important for us to remember what we’re really here to focus on,” he explained.  “The band, the music, the performance.”

            “I like it when you focus on me,” Joey said, leaning across the table with a smile.

            “So, mmm, do I,” Ashley said, kissing him.  “But that doesn’t help my career.”

            “I could be good for your career,” Joey said, his smile mysterious, his gaze flirtatious.  “I’ve already been so good to your ass.  Think how good I could be to the rest of you.”

            Ashley laughed, stealing the spoon from him.  “You were already good to me twice this morning.  When do I get recuperation time?”

            A door slammed in the background.  “Honey!  I’m home!”

            Ashley froze, eyes wide.

            “Shit,” Joey said, eyes going dark.  “Shit.”

            “Joseph, sweetness, where are you?” Nick called, his footsteps loud as he roamed the house.

            Ashley looked to Joey for a cue, not sure what to do, but Joey was glaring at the doorway like he was willing Nick to leave.

            “Hey, sweetness.”  Nick came into the room, walking right past Ashley and around the table, putting a hand to the side of Joey’s face and kissing his mouth.  “Morning.”

            “I didn’t expect to see you this morning,” Joey said.

            “You should expect to see me every morning,” Nick said, and kissed him again.  “Get rid of the bitch, I want to talk to you.”

            Nick hadn’t so much as glanced in Ashley’s direction; he’d started to feel invisible.  Now, he felt very visible and very insulted.  “I’m a guest here,” he began.

            “I’m a boyfriend here,” Nick said, giving him a quick, disgusted look before turning back to Joey and whispering something in Joey’s ear.

            Ashley hated Nick.  Nick didn’t love Joey; Nick loved Nick.

            Joey stepped forward, guiding Nick back.  “Pretty,” he said.  “I don’t want you to be late for rehearsal.  You go ahead, and I’ll call you when I’m done here.”

            Ashley didn’t bother to glare at Nick, because it wouldn’t have made a difference.  He didn’t understand this crazy back-and-forth bullshit.  Nick treated him well, sometimes far too well, when they were alone.  As soon as Joey was around, Nick treated him like shit.  When Ashley was alone with Joey, Joey said, “I love you.”  When Nick was around, Ashley was a second-class citizen.  Why couldn’t anyone care about him in front of witnesses?  Why was he good enough to be adored in private, but never in public?

            “Fine,” Ashley said, pushing aside his untouched cereal and getting up from the table.  “Call me when Nick lets you have your balls back,” he added, and left.

            Dan found his keys.  “Call me,” he told Justin.  He didn’t want to push, because if Justin wanted to hang out with other friends, he was cool with that.  But he wanted Justin to know that he was available.

            “I will.”

            “You should call one of the guys,” Dan said.  “Hang out.”  He didn’t want Justin to be alone.

            “I will,” Justin said, with a smile and a feigned impatient tone.

            Dan grinned.  “And drink your milk.  And eat your vegetables.  And wash behind your ears.”

            Justin laughed.  “Can you just go?”

            “Okay, I’m gone, I’m leaving,” Dan said, reaching for the doorknob.  “Be good.”

            Justin put out his hand; Dan took it, squeezing, one two.  Justin responded, three four.  “Bye.”

            JC lingered.  “I have to go.”

            “Okay,” Lance said, without glancing up.

            “I’ll be back later,” JC said.  “Soon,” he amended.

            “Okay,” Lance repeated blandly.

            “Are you going to stay until I get back?” JC asked.  “I want you to,” he added quickly, “I want you to be here.  Unless you have something else to do.  Or if Justin needs you, if he calls-”

            “JC.”  Lance turned to face him, outwardly calm but still visibly itching for JC to get the fuck out.  “Go.  I’ll stay here, and if I hear from the other guys I’ll tell them we’re hanging out here today.  Okay?”

            “Okay,” JC said, wishing he could send Lance in his place.  “I’ll be back as soon as I’m finished.”  He shifted his weight.  “Good-bye.”

            “Bye,” Lance said, turning away again.

            “What the hell is wrong with you?” Joey demanded, pushing Nick away.  “You can’t barge into my house!  You can’t make me kick Ashley out!”

            “Yes, I can,” Nick said.  “If we’re boyfriends, we’re going to act like boyfriends.  I can walk in here any time I want.  And when I do, you’d better get rid of anybody you’re entertaining.”

            “Bullshit!” Joey shot back.  “This is my house!  Mine, not yours, not ours, mine!  You call first, you ring the doorbell, you sure as hell don’t walk right in without me knowing about it!  What are you saying, you’d be okay with me walking right into your house?”

            “I did it to make a point, for Ashley,” Nick said.  “I came over to talk to you, I would have rung the bell but I saw his car in the driveway, and I decided to put on a little show for him.”

            “Now he’s pissed at me!  Thanks, Nick, you’ve been a great help.”

            “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine, just be nice to him and he’ll get over it.  I’m here to talk about something else.”

            “I’d love to hear it,” Joey snapped.

            “We’re not close enough,” Nick said.  “We don’t know each other well enough.  And we don’t touch enough.  I’m all over everybody I know, you’re on top of everybody you know, the two of us should climb all over each other.  But we don’t, and someone’s going to notice.  We have to act comfortable with each other.”

            “You want me to be all over you?” Joey asked.

            “Yeah, but we have to practice, to make it look natural.”

            “You want me to practice hanging on you?” Joey asked in disbelief.

            “We’re going to spend the day together,” Nick said.

            “No, we’re not,” Joey said.  “I have things to do, I have friends, I have to apologize to Ashley-”

            “I’ve never seen him pissed at you like that,” Nick said.  “What was he doing here, anyway?”

            Joey sighed.  “We went out to dinner last night.”

            “What?” Nick asked sharply.

            “Me, Lance, JC, Ashley, Estrada, we went to dinner.  It-”

            “You should have told me,” Nick said.  “You can’t run around like you’re in this alone, Joey, you have to talk to me.  You have to call me, tell me what’s going on, see if I have anything to say about it.  I might have had a suggestion, an angle you should have pushed, a reason you shouldn’t have done it, something you should have brought up in conversation.”

            “It wasn’t a big deal,” Joey said.  “It was spur-of-the-moment.”

            “You had time to call me,” Nick said.  “You can’t leave me out of shit.  We’re in this together, you can’t act alone.”

            “Fine,” Joey said, irritated.  “Whatever.”

            “You’re never going to take this seriously,” Nick said.  “You’re never going to listen to me.  You’re never going to think of anyone but yourself.”

            “I’m in this every damned day, I’m dealing with Ashley, I’ve done two, three, four times as much work as you have - - I’m not taking this seriously?” Joey demanded.

            “You think that all you have to do is fuck Ashley,” Nick said.  “We didn’t start this so you could get laid.  We’re all in this for a reason, and it’s not to improve your sex life.”

            “What else am I supposed to be doing?” Joey asked.  “You want me to listen to you, what are your great ideas?”

            “Date him,” Nick said.  “Romance him.  Seduce him.  Make him feel special, make him think you’re really in love.  Just saying it won’t be enough for much longer.  You have to make him feel it.”  Nick took a bowl from the cupboard, found a spoon, and selected a box of cereal.  “You can’t take him out a lot, because you have a boyfriend, but you can work something out here at your house.”

            “That’s not a new idea,” Joey said.

            “Yeah, it’s an old one you haven’t tried,” Nick said, getting the milk.  “And, here’s the other half of it.”  He sat at the table.  “While you’re giving him romance, slut him out.  He’s easy, he wants to make you happy, he’ll do whatever you want, right?  Use that.  Push him.  See how far he’s really willing to go.  If you take it step by step, and you let him know how special he is to you, he’ll let you do anything by the time you’re done.”

            Joey studied Nick, intrigued.  “How far are you talking about?”

            Nick shrugged, chewing.  “How far does your imagination go?”

            After waking, Howie showered.  He fixed his hair and made sure that his stubble was at the right length, then slid into loose-fitting pajama bottoms, pulling on the top but leaving it unbuttoned.  He began to make breakfast and waited.

            The doorbell rang.

            On his way to the foyer, Howie made sure that his pants had slipped down far enough to reveal his pelvic bone, then opened the front door.  “JC,” he said, faking surprise, quickly buttoning his shirt.  “Come in, come in.”  He backed up, holding the door, letting JC enter.  He’d left the top two and bottom two buttons undone, but he pretended not to be aware of it as he closed the door.  “It’s great to see you.”  He kept his demeanor surprised but bright, his gaze never dipping below JC’s face.  “I was just starting breakfast, do you want anything?”

            “No,” JC said.  “I already ate.”

            “Let me get dressed,” Howie said, and started walking.  “How’s Erik?  Did you see him yesterday?” he asked along the way, forcing JC to follow.

            “Yeah,” JC said, trailing along behind him.  “Joey and Lance and I took him and Ashley out to dinner last night.”

            “You did?” Howie asked.  “That’s great.  How was it?”  He stepped into his closet, leaving the door open, casually stripping.

            “It was a little weird,” JC said from the bedroom.  Howie put on underwear, reaching for his jeans.  “We tried to do what we, what you talked about.  Mentioning you and me, our relationship, to Erik.  Bringing up Nick in front of Ashley, to make him uncomfortable.  When we showed up at the Townhouse to pick them up, Brian was there, and he made Ashley feel like trash, it was all over his face.”

            “Ashley seems like he’d be very susceptible to that,” Howie said, finding a shirt.  “How was Erik with Joey and Lance?”

            “Comfortable,” JC said.

            Howie walked out of the closet, pulling on his T-shirt.  “You all got along?”

            “Yeah,” JC said.  “Lance and I talked about it.  We all have to act friendly, be nice, so it doesn’t matter what we actually think of them as people, we have to smile anyway.”

            It couldn’t possibly have taken them that long to come to such an obvious conclusion.  Could it?  “I wish you’d called me, before you went.”

            “Why?” JC asked, although from the flicker of his eyes, he’d already had the same thought.

“I trust you with Erik on your own, that’s never a problem.  But last night could have been an opportunity,” Howie said.  “We could have used it.  If you’d told me what you were planning, we could have talked about it, and together we could have come up with some good ways to use the situation to our advantage.”  Howie decided not to push the point, since they both knew that he was right.  Nick had trained JC to be susceptible to guilt; the idea would do its own work in JC’s mind without him harping on it.  “Would you mind if I finished breakfast?”

            “Can we talk about whatever you wanted to talk about, so I can go?” JC asked.

            That had been an abrupt shift.  JC had gone through several moods since entering the house.  Uncertain, distant, chatty, casual, now rude?  JC didn’t know how to treat him, how to approach him.  That meant that JC didn’t know how to feel about him.

            “Are you still mad at me?” Howie asked.  “JC, I haven’t done anything to you.  Or have you been talking to Lance again, and now you’ve come up with a brand new injustice?”

            “This isn’t about Lance,” JC said, falling right back into their last argument.

            “Oh, that’s right, it’s about me,” Howie said.  “It’s all about me, everything’s about me.  I’m lying to you, is that it?  I’m lying to you about what, about jewelry?  Fine, I’m not wearing any, does that make you feel better?  Can you trust me now?”

            “That doesn’t solve anything!” JC argued.  “The jewelry doesn’t even matter!”

            “What matters?” Howie asked.  “What does really matter to you, JC?  What you and I have shared, obviously that doesn’t matter to you.  We made love, you and I made love right here on this bed, but that doesn’t mean anything to you.  So what really matters?”

            “I didn’t come here to fight,” JC said.  There was anger on his face, but he didn’t have an answer for Howie’s questions.  He was confused, Howie saw it.  “We agreed to let Erik figure out how to bring us back together.  Let’s just talk about whatever you wanted to talk about.”

            “Fine,” Howie said, letting frustration flash through his own eyes.  “Okay, fine.”  He sighed, gathering his thoughts.  “You know that AJ’s gotten physical with Jacob, and Trevor, and Dan.”

            “Yeah,” JC said.

            “Well, Dan told AJ not to go after any of his friends ever again, so now AJ wants to do it.  Just to make a point, you know AJ.  He asked me if it’s okay with me if he roughs up Erik.  What do you think?”

            “He asked you,” JC said, trying to look resentful.  “Why are you asking me?”

            “Because we’re still working together,” Howie said.  “We’re still partners.  I don’t make decisions about Erik on my own, we talked about that.”

            JC gave in and thought about it.  “How bad would it be?”

            “That depends on AJ,” Howie said.  “It could be a little push and shove, some attitude and intimidation.  It could be worse.”

            “What’s his excuse for doing it?”

            “Erik’s been spending time with us, now we’re having trouble, he’s hanging out even more…  It looks like he’s breaking us up.”

            JC nodded.

            “We could use it,” Howie said.  “We could explain to him that it doesn’t matter what other people think, as long as we know the truth.  If he’s getting roughed up for being close to us, it’s another tie to us.  The more sacrifices he makes for us, the harder it’ll be for him to walk away.  His pride won’t let him admit he’s made a mistake.”

            Bitterness, anger, suspicion crept in.  “Was that how you got Lance to commit to you?”

            “Lance got himself committed to me when he decided that he was in love with me,” Howie said.  “Why do you bring Lance up to me?  You never like anything I have to say about him.  We’re talking about Erik.  Should I tell AJ yes or no?”

            “Tell him to go ahead,” JC said.  “Are we finished?”

            “Why can’t things be civil between us?” Howie asked.  “I know that you don’t trust me.  I understand why you have trouble with it.  I wish that things were different, but I can’t change my past or yours.”

            “Things can’t be civil because you broke my best friend’s heart,” JC snapped.  “You did it deliberately, you did it maliciously, you were out to get him and you did your damnedest-”

            “You thought that coming into this partnership,” Howie said, “but it didn’t ruin everything then.  We were getting along.  I thought that we were friends.  I was happy with you, JC, I was proud to be with you.  I thought that you might feel the same way.  I believed in our partnership, I really saw us as a team.”

            “Tell it to Erik,” JC said, and headed for the door.  “He might believe it.”

            AJ let Justin into his house.  “You look good.”

            “That’s what Dan said.”

            AJ sat on the sofa, watching Justin.  “How is Danny Boy?”

            “Someone bit him.”  Justin sat beside AJ, gaze drifting over him with curiosity.  “Someone scratched him.”  Justin’s fingers stroked AJ’s marked upper arm.  “I don’t like seeing him hurt.”

            “He’s fine,” AJ said.  “Don’t worry about him.”

            Justin smiled to himself.  “That’s what Dan said.”

            “Then it must be true.”  AJ put a comfortable arm around Justin’s shoulders.  “You want to talk?  Dance?”

            “I don’t know.”  Justin absently rubbed his bracelet.  “I don’t have a real reason to be here, I just…”

            “Felt like hanging out?” AJ guessed.

            “Yeah.  No.  I don’t know, I…”

            “You miss Kevin,” AJ said.

            “I need him,” Justin said.  “I feel so lost without him.”

            “You never felt that before, did you?”

            “No,” Justin admitted.  “I’ve always felt so driven, I’ve always been so focused.  On my career, on music, mostly.  I’ve had goals, I’ve had purpose.  The guys really helped me, too, they gave me even more direction.  Now, I still have that, but there’s this huge missing element.”

            AJ made an attentive noise and shifted comfortably.

            “I need you to tell me the truth.”

            “About what?” AJ asked.

            Justin met his eyes.  “Is Kevin going to hurt Dan?”

            AJ snorted.  “Why would Kevin give a shit about Dan?”

            “So he’s safe?” Justin asked.

            “I wouldn’t call Dan safe,” AJ said.  “I think I’m a pretty decent threat.  But Kevin has no reason to look at Dan, much less go after him.”

            “Do you have to chew on him?” Justin asked.

            AJ grinned.  “I like the way he tastes.”

            Kevin walked Chris to the door and kissed him.  “I’ll call you later.”

            JC pulled over to the side of the road and parked, crossing his arms over the steering wheel and lowering his head there.  He closed his eyes.

            It was hard to talk to Howie and not tell Howie everything.  Not explain everything that he’d seen and done and thought, not ask for Howie’s opinion, not discuss it back and forth.  He’d grown accustomed to sharing his thoughts and talking everything over.  Howie always listened with interest and had good input, good ideas, interesting interpretations.

            He wanted to talk to Howie about Ashley.  About how easy Ashley was, about how little respect Ashley demanded.  He wanted to know what Howie thought about Ashley, whether Howie found Ashley appealing.

            He wanted to talk to Howie about Erik.  He was starting to like Erik, and that bothered him, that scared him.  Was he weak?  Was he alone, or was Howie slipping, too?  He counted on Howie as a partner, depended on Howie, was motivated by Howie.  He wanted to know what Howie thought of Erik’s sexual skills, if he was alone in his fierce attraction.  He wanted to know if Howie thought that Erik was fun, too.  Had Howie realized how perceptive Erik could be?

            He missed talking to Howie.  He missed eating with Howie.  He missed making love with Howie.  He missed Howie’s quiet laughter.  He missed Howie’s warm hands.  He missed watching Howie change earrings.  He missed helping Howie clear the table.  He missed making Howie let him drive.

            Howie had such great skin, and such a pretty smile, and why couldn’t JC stay mad?  Why couldn’t he hang onto the anger?

            They were too good together.  They were too right for each other.

            But were they?  Was that true?  Would they ever have looked at each other twice, if they hadn’t been put together?

            Now that they were together…  They fit each other, perfectly.

            Which one of them had disrupted that harmony?  Had it been Howie?  Had JC done it himself?  With good enough reason?

            He wanted to talk to Nick.  Nick knew Howie, the real Howie, the honest Howie.  But would Nick tell him the truth?  If Howie wanted to lie to him, wanted him to think that something was true, wouldn’t Nick only further Howie’s agenda, out of loyalty?  Nick wouldn’t choose him over Howie, wouldn’t give him the truth if Howie gave him lies.

            He couldn’t trust Nick.  Couldn’t trust Howie.

            Could he trust Lance?

            Didn’t Lance have an agenda?  Howie, he wasn’t sure about, but Lance had reason to lie to him.

            But Lance wouldn’t lie to him.

            But why would Howie?

            “Are you okay?” Jacob asked Ashley, turning off the music.

            “You look pissed about something,” Erik said, stretching.

            “It’s nothing serious,” Ashley said.

            “You had a fight with Joey?” Erik asked.

            Ashley glanced towards the corner where Brian was sitting, relaxed.  “I was with Joey at his house, and Nick showed up, and…”  He stopped, not sure how to explain it or how much to say in front of Brian.

            “And?” Jacob prompted.

            Did he need to bother to hold back in front of Brian?  Nick was such an asshole, Brian must have noticed.  “They set up a relationship where they both see other people,” Ashley said.  “Joey has sex with other people, and so does Nick.  Their relationship with each other comes first, they know that, I know that.  But why am I a second-class citizen?  I was a guest in Joey’s home, we’re friends, but Nick burst right into the house, he wouldn’t even look at me, he told Joey to kick the bitch out - - like I’m not even a real person!”

            “That’s sick,” Erik said.  “That’s such bullshit.  What did Joey do?”

            “He asked me to leave, nicely, and he said that he’d call me later,” Ashley said.  “The whole thing wouldn’t have been as bad if Nick hadn’t been such a fucking ass about it.  I was about to leave anyway, to come here.”

            “This is the kind of behavior Joey fell in love with,” Jacob said.  “That’s the kind of guy Joey thinks makes a great boyfriend.  Are you so sure you want to be with someone who’s attracted to that?”

            “Their relationship is only based on sex, anyway,” Ashley said.

            “Really?” Erik asked.

            “And your relationship with Joey is based on more?” Jacob asked.

            He loved Joey.  “We’re friends, he cares about me.”  Joey was in love with him.

            “If Joey cares about you, and he’s only with Nick for sex, why aren’t you his boyfriend?” Jacob asked.

            Ashley wasn’t sure.  “It’s complicated.”

            “Doesn’t sound that complicated to me,” Jacob said.

            Trevor and Dan walked back into the room, talking.  “I thought you were going to shower,” Erik said.  “If you’re not, I am.”

            “How’s Justin?” Ashley asked Dan.  They’d started practice right away and hadn’t had a chance to talk.

            “He’s great,” Dan said.  “He looks a lot better.  Spending time just relaxing with the other guys must have helped.”

            “Now that he’s flipped out, they finally care?” Jacob asked.  “Where were they when he was going downhill?”

            “They’ve always cared,” Trevor said.  “Maybe he wouldn’t let them help before.”

            “Can we have a moment alone?” Dan asked Brian.

            “Of course,” Brian said, and left the room, closing the door on his way.

            Dan guided them into a loose huddle in the corner.  “I don’t want you to worry, because it sounds like a lot of talk but no action.  But, AJ’s angry.  At me, mostly, for being so close to Justin now that he’s out of the picture.”

            “He’s jealous of you?” Trevor asked.

            “He seemed pretty mad at Jacob, too,” Erik said.

            “He made some vague threats against us,” Dan said.  Ashley stared at him.  “Don’t take it too seriously.  He-”

            “All talk and no action?” Erik asked.  “AJ’s seemed like a lot of action so far.”

            “Just do me a favor, and don’t let him into the house,” Dan said.  “Don’t,” he repeated, looking at Trevor.

            “Even if he’s here to see Brian?” Jacob asked.

            “He can talk to Brian outside, or on the phone, or at his house,” Dan said.  “For now, if he comes around, don’t let him in.  Don’t talk to him.  I’m not that worried, but I wanted to let you know, just in case he decides to turn his anger on us.”

            “Now that he doesn’t have Justin to beat on, we’re his new target?” Erik asked.

            “He wouldn’t really come here to start something,” Ashley said.

            “He already has, about a dozen times,” Erik said.  “It’s not like this is a new idea.”

            “If he’s jealous of you and Justin, why would he come after us and not you?” Jacob asked Dan.

            “Someone’s been coming after Dan,” Trevor said, glancing at his neck.

            “He knows I’m not afraid of him,” Dan said.  “That’s what he wants.”

            “Can’t you talk to Brian and tell him to call off the dogs?” Erik asked Jacob.

            “Brian doesn’t control AJ,” Jacob said.

            “If AJ would jump Jacob in front of Brian, he won’t leave the rest of us alone,” Ashley said.

            “I didn’t tell you this so you’d worry about it,” Dan said.  “Just don’t let him into the house, and it’ll be fine.  He won’t assault you on the street.”

            “I bet I could take him,” Erik said.

            “If Jacob could, you could,” Trevor said.

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jacob asked, insulted.

            “You’re little,” Trevor said.

            “Little, hell,” Jacob said.  “And I’m more fit than the rest of you.”

            “And scrappy,” Erik said.

            “And scrappy,” Dan agreed.

            “I never thought I’d have to stop a Backstreet Boy from coming into my house,” Trevor said.

            “Don’t think of him as AJ McLean: Backstreet Boy,” Erik said.  “Think of him as that stupid fucker who abused ‘oh my god it’s Justin Timberlake, squeal.’”

            “I don’t squeal,” Trevor said.

            “Oh my god!  Look!  It’s Kevin Richardson!” Ashley shouted, pointing at the door.  Trevor whirled around, staring.  Everyone burst into laughter.

            “That doesn’t count,” Trevor said, as they left the room.  “I didn’t squeal!” he called after them.  “It’s not the same thing!”

            JC walked into his house.  He didn’t feel like smiling, but he didn’t want Lance to know how much he missed Howie, so he had to act upbeat.  At the same time, he didn’t want to come back from Howie too happy, because it would hurt Lance.  He aimed for a generally pleasant attitude.

            Lance was slumped in one corner of the sofa, watching TV.  Chris was at the other end of the sofa, shredding JC’s TV guide.

            “Everything okay?” JC asked.

            “How’s Howie?” Lance asked without looking at him.

            “I should have called him before we went out last night,” JC said.

            “Out last night?” Chris repeated, glancing at JC.

            “Lance and Joey and I took Erik and Ashley to dinner,” JC said.  “You didn’t tell him?” he asked Lance.

            “He didn’t seem interested in talking to me,” Lance said.

            “How terrible was it?” Chris asked.

            “Last night?” JC asked.  “That depends on which one of us you ask.  Joey seemed to be having a good time shoving his hand down Ashley’s pants all night.”

            “I remember you and Nick being all over each other,” Chris said.

            “I liked that,” JC said.  “I wanted that.  Ashley didn’t seem to want Joey to grope him in public, he just didn’t have the balls to say so.  He let Joey touch him because he couldn’t stand up for himself.  Joey would’ve been fine if Ashley had told him to save it for later, but Ashley couldn’t even say anything.”

            “You don’t like Ashley,” Chris said.

            “It was so hard not to say something,” JC said.  “I hate that little - - he’s a child, he doesn’t know anything, but he gets to have sex with Nick, he gets to be with Nick.  It’s a privilege to be with Nick, and Ashley’s too stupid to know it.  That little bitch takes it for granted when I would give anything…”  JC stopped talking, too full of emotion to let out any more words.

            “It was so hard to look at Erik, knowing how much time he spends with Howie, realizing how close they’re getting,” Lance said.  “I wanted to ask him who the hell he thinks he is, what the hell he thinks he’s doing.  Why does he have the nerve to think he’s really a part of Howie’s life?  Even if it’s all a lie, why does Howie let him in?”

            Chris nodded and began on a new page.

            “And that’s just seeing them at dinner, with just us,” JC said.  “What’s it going to be like when I see Ashley with Nick?  When you see Erik and Howie together?”

            “It’s not easy,” Chris said, quietly ripping.

            Lance looked at him.  “Shit.”

            JC sat, slowly.  “You see Jacob and Brian together almost every day.”

            “It’s not easy,” Chris said again, still tearing.

            “Oh my god,” Lance said.  “I never have to see Erik.  Joey almost never sees Dan, you almost never see Ashley, Justin almost never sees Trevor.  And if you do, they’re on their own, they’re never with AJ or Nick or Kevin.”

            “You see them every day,” JC said to Chris.  “You’re in the same house with them.”

            “They do everything together,” Chris said.  “They’re a little set, a little duo.  I try to keep my distance, but I’m in the house, and they’re in the house, and we cross paths.”

            “Brian’s not making it harder for you, is he?” Lance asked.  “Is he rubbing it in your face?”

            “No,” Chris said.  “Brian’s very nice about it.”

            “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” JC said.

            Chris tore a page in half.

            Trevor studied the orange platypus on his dresser.

            He didn’t understand why Chris would hit on him, flirt with him, and then resist getting sexual.  Their relationship had been a weird back-and-forth push-pull in the beginning.  He’d wanted friendship; Chris had wanted more.  Then he’d wanted sex, and Chris had dragged his feet.  Then he’d found himself in love, but Chris had still been in love with Kevin.

            Still, though, by the end, they’d both wanted the same things.  They’d been happy.  Hadn’t they been happy?

            Ashley knocked on his doorframe.  “Phone.”

            “Thanks,” Trevor said, reaching for it.

            Ashley grinned.  “It’s Kevin.”

            “Kiss my ass,” Trevor said, grinning.  Like he was going to buy that.  As Ashley laughed and left, he said, “Hey, this is Trevor.”

            “Trevor, this is Kevin.”

            Oh, damn.  Trevor sat heavily on the foot of his bed.  “Hi,” he said, finding his voice.  “What can I do for you?”

            “Actually, you can help me with something,” Kevin said.  “Do you have time to come over here today?”

            Oh, god.  Trevor squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing the bridge of his nose.  He couldn’t say no to Kevin.  He hadn’t called Kevin to offer his time because Chris was in love with Kevin, because Chris had called Kevin’s name, because he’d wanted to keep his distance from something that hurt.  But now Kevin was calling him, Kevin personally was asking him for his help, and he couldn’t say no.  He was in love with Chris, and Chris was in love with Kevin, but Kevin was still Kevin even if he was causing Trevor major heartache.  And the heartache wasn’t intentional, not on Kevin’s part.

            “Trevor?”

            “Yes,” Trevor said, opening his eyes.  “Yes, okay, sure.  Now?”

            “Whenever it’s convenient for you,” Kevin said.  “No rush.”

            Right, like Trevor wouldn’t immediately run to Kevin’s side.  “Okay.  Let me get ready, and I’ll be over.”

            “Thank you,” Kevin said.

            Trevor smiled weakly.  “No problem.  Bye.”  He hung up.  “I’m such a pussy.”

Continue on to part forty-one

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