"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part thirty-seven...

Since Jacob had been home for more than five minutes, it was no real shock to find Brian at the front door. “Hi,” Trevor said. “Jacob’s in the living room.”

“Thanks,” Brian said with a polite smile. He paused, looking unsure. “I never got a chance to tell you… I’m sorry about you and Chris.”

“Yeah.” Trevor didn’t really want to talk about it with someone so close to Kevin, someone who had undoubtedly seen Kevin and Chris together. “Thanks.”

“You seemed really happy together,” Brian said. “Really good together.”

Apparently, they hadn’t been, so Trevor didn’t know what to say to that. “Thanks.”

Brian put a hand on his forearm, and maybe he wasn’t as depressed as he’d thought, because a Backstreet Boy touching him was still a huge thrill. “I hope that it’s not true that Kevin had anything to do with it. I know that he knows how much you care for Chris, and he thinks that you’re perfect for Chris. He only wants you to be happy.”

There was something so sincere in Brian’s eyes, Trevor couldn’t fully appreciate how bizarre it was that Kevin Richardson was looking out for his happiness. “It’s not really his fault. Chris just…” Trevor shrugged; in his heart he was still loyal to Chris, and he didn’t want to broadcast Chris’s private feelings.

“Okay.” Brian dropped his hand. “Hi,” he said to someone over Trevor’s shoulder; considering the drastic increase in the warmth in his eyes, it had to be Jacob. For a moment, Trevor was jealous. He wanted to make someone light up like that. Hadn’t he, with Chris?

Why was he wasting so much time dwelling on Chris? It wasn’t like Chris was thinking about him. Chris’s mind wasn’t even on him when he was sucking Chris’s dick; Chris definitely wasn’t thinking about him when he wasn’t in the room.

“I miss Trevor,” Chris announced.

“I miss Dan,” Justin said. “Is that weird?”

“Yes,” Joey said.

“I’ve been with him every day,” Chris said.

“Every night,” Justin said.

“We can talk to each other about anything,” Chris said.

“Everything,” Justin said.

“The sex is terrific,” Chris said.

“He’s so supportive,” Justin said.

“He loves me,” Chris said.

“Do you know how long it’s been since somebody loved me?” Justin asked.

“What the hell,” Joey said. “We love you!”

Chris blinked, taken aback.

“Oh,” Justin said.

“Honey, you do know that we love you,” JC said, putting a hand on Justin’s shoulder, looking into his eyes.

“Of course I know that,” Justin said.

“Right,” Chris said. “Of course. Honey.”

Lance smiled. “I love you, lamb chop,” he said to Chris.

“I love you, too, puddin’ pop,” Chris said.

“We talk about how much we love each other more than most married couples, and you still forgot about it?” Joey asked.

“We didn’t forget,” Justin said.

“We just took it for granted,” Chris said. “You’re like my mother. You have to love me.”

“We don’t have to,” Lance said. “We choose to.”

Lance had a point, there. And, Chris remembered, Lance knew that family wasn’t technically required to be loyal, either. “I love you,” Chris said. “I’m always going to love you. Even if I have to hate you because you’re with Brian, I’ll still love you, inside.”

Dan was sitting on the sofa, his elbows on his knees, watching AJ.

AJ, in the armchair, watched right back. He didn’t know what Dan was concerned about. If he were Dan, he’d say “fuck off” and forget about it. But he knew that his friends could take care of themselves. Apparently, Dan’s friends weren’t that competent.

He smiled to himself. Now that Dan had raised the point, he liked it. If Dan turned down his offer, maybe he’d have to go after Dan’s friends and make Dan give in to him. Four bonus fuck opportunities, all on his own terms? He loved the idea. Letting his gaze roam Dan’s body, he wondered when he should call in the first IOU. Maybe he should give it a few days, let Dan sweat.

“I shouldn’t have to let you fuck me to keep you from terrorizing my friends,” Dan said.

“We don’t live in a perfect world,” AJ said. “Get used to it.”

“You’ve already fought Trevor, you came after Jacob, you hit me-”

“Guess that means I’ll have to choose Erik and Ashley before I start at the top of the list again,” AJ said. He’d had absolutely no plans to go after Erik or Ashley, but he supposed that he could manufacture a reason. He probably should harass Ashley, out of loyalty to Nick.

Dan’s gaze gained new clarity. “The minute I said something, this became a problem, didn’t it?”

AJ grinned. Dan was no fool. “Keep that in mind the next time you come in here making demands.”

“It’s ridiculous for you to expect sex from me,” Dan said.

“What else am I going to ask you for?” AJ asked. “Money?” He snorted. “You won’t give me any more access to Justin.”

“If I don’t agree to letting you fuck me?” Dan asked.

“If that’s a risk you’re willing to take…” AJ shrugged. “Wait and see.”

“I can’t believe you’re putting me in this position!” Dan was on his feet, angry, hands fisting at his sides, arms tense.

“You put yourself in this position,” AJ said calmly, not impressed.

“I will not agree to giving you the open use of my body four times,” Dan said firmly.

“The blond one looks like a bleeder,” AJ mused.

“Fuck you!” Dan shouted. “You don’t even want me, you’re just fucking with me! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you get off on power trips? Head games?”

“What I get off on is Justin,” AJ snapped, coming out of the chair, “but you took him away from me!”

“You aren’t touching Justin, you aren’t touching any of my friends, and you aren’t touching me!” Dan yelled.

“I can touch you whenever I want,” AJ shot back.

“Try it!” Dan snapped, shoving him in the chest with both hands.

AJ grabbed the front of Dan’s shirt to balance himself, jerking Dan forward the second he found his equilibrium, pulling Dan right to his mouth. When Dan bit him, he bit right back, growling. Dan’s hands were rough, twisting his shirt and scratching his skin, and AJ kissed Dan harder, loving the struggle. Jerking impatiently at Dan’s shirt, he clawed open Dan’s fly, finding Dan already thick and hard.

“No!” Dan shoved him away, forcing him to stumble back. Quickly zipping up, Dan backed away further, putting more distance between them. “I can’t keep doing this. Something has to change.”

AJ growled, displeased. “You’re making a hell of a lot of demands today. If you want to break our arrangement, you can break it, but-”

“No, it’s… I hate our agreement, but it’s the only way,” Dan said. “I just meant…” He caught his breath, adjusting his shirt. “We can’t keep being this…physical. I can’t hide bite marks and claw marks and bruises forever. Not from the guys and Justin.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend you can blame them on?”

Dan gave that suggestion consideration.

“I won’t tone it down,” AJ said. “If you can’t handle it…”

“I can’t have sex with her to cover this,” Dan said.

AJ smirked. “There are those pesky morals again. You’re going to have to get over it. There’s no place for that here.” He approached Dan again, touching Dan’s reddened mouth. Dan flinched back. AJ smiled. “I thought you’d do anything for Justin.”

“I would,” Dan said, angry. That, he seemed very sure of.

“Then fuck her,” AJ said, and kissed him.

JC was about to win the only non-X-rated game of Twister that Joey had ever played, when his phone rang. Chris, flicking the spinner, said, “Left hand, red,” and picked up JC’s phone. “Oh, look, it’s Erik-Michael Estrada.”

“Hold still,” JC said, slipping free and taking his phone. “Erik-Michael,” he said, leaving the room.

Justin looked between Joey’s legs. “Hi,” he said to Lance.

“Hi,” Lance said, a little red in the face.

Joey wiggled his fingers. “Whatever’s digging into my spine had better be an innocent body part.”

“Sorry,” Lance said, shifting.

“I’m losing circulation in both legs,” Justin said.

“JC,” Joey said a little desperately, feeling his right foot begin to slip. “Get back here.”

“I think that this is doing irreparable damage to my shoulder,” Lance said.

“I’m going to fall,” Joey decided.

“Not on me,” Justin said.

“Just hold on,” Lance said. “JC!”

“Just let me shift my-”

“Whoa!”

“Joey!”

“Ouch!” Justin hit the floor, tangled with Lance under Joey’s very solid form.

“Sorry,” Joey said.

“Joey,” Lance said firmly, “get off of me.”

“My fault.” Joey rolled to the side, leaving Justin and Lance to disengage themselves. “I’m usually a lot better at this game.”

“You usually play with naked women,” Justin said.

“We can get naked,” Chris suggested.

Lance snorted, getting to his feet.

“JC’s damned good at this,” Joey said.

“A little too good,” Justin agreed.

“I wonder why,” Chris said innocently, flicking the spinner.

JC walked back into the room. “Who won?”

“Joey’s huge ass,” Justin said. “What did Erik want?”

“He wants to talk about Howie,” JC said. “I’m meeting him at my house. If I don’t get back here, feel sorry for me.” He poked Justin’s chest. “Call me if you need me.”

“We can take care of Justin,” Joey said, slinging his arm around Justin’s shoulders.

“Sure,” Chris agreed. “Back to naked Twister!”

“Have fun,” JC said to Lance with a smile, and left.

Dan was naked on AJ’s sofa, his back to the armrest, head back, neck exposed, hands clawing at the upholstery. The sounds coming from Dan’s throat were primal, sexual, and loud. AJ didn’t know how Dan was going to explain the bite marks on the right side of his neck, but he was working on a matching set on the left. Holding their erections together in one hand, AJ pumped them together, using his other hand to leave dark scratches down Dan’s long thighs.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dan groaned, pulling AJ’s hair and getting a bruising grip on AJ’s shoulder. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He was trying to rock up from underneath, fighting AJ’s weight across his lap.

“Come for me,” AJ ordered, rocking against him, jacking their dicks, hand wet with their combined pre-cum. Dan was leaking like a motherfucker all over him, fingers digging painfully into his upper arm now. “Come for me, damn it, I know you want it, I know you need it.”

“Fuck you,” Dan gasped, and kissed him roughly, nails scraping cruelly down his arm.

So hot he expected the sofa to ignite, AJ fisted their dicks with a fierce twist, getting a hand under Dan’s jaw and growling into Dan’s mouth. “Come on,” he said, and hissed at the sting of teeth on his jaw. “Show me what you’ll do for him.”

Moaning, Dan cursed again, arching back and splattering cum over his chest. With a pleased, vicious growl, AJ sucked a fresh mark onto the pale skin of Dan’s neck, releasing his own dick and jacking Dan’s dry. When Dan was finished, draped back over the arm of the sofa, panting heavily and batting AJ’s hand away from his dick, AJ nipped his earlobe. “Get me off.”

Blue eyes opened, bright with hatred.

Holding Dan’s gaze steady, AJ rocked slowly against Dan’s body, lowering one finger to Dan’s chest, raising it to his mouth and lewdly licking it clean. The disgust in Dan’s eyes made him smirk. “Not bad,” he murmured, sinking more fully against Dan’s body, dragging his nails across Dan’s chest. “Saltier than Justin. But I guess you know that.”

Dan inhaled slowly. “Fuck. You.”

“The sooner you do what you need to do, the sooner this is over,” AJ said, and kissed him.

Dan was smart enough to acquiesce. Dan’s grip was too tight, and AJ groaned at the harsh rush of pleasure, twisting his nipples. Dan’s knees rose, thighs closing around him, and AJ moaned at the firm pressure, feeding from the hatred and passion and lust in Dan’s kiss. The moment was perfect, Dan’s body tense and vulnerable under his, Dan’s hand roughly jacking his dick, the two of them intending only pain and yet creating each other’s greatest pleasure. Dan would never be anyone else’s the way Dan was his. They were locked together, their mouths joined, AJ’s fingers sliding carelessly through Dan’s hair, and when Dan groaned with honest arousal and pulled a little too hard on his erection, AJ came in the haven between their bodies.

Breathing heavily, AJ twisted free of Dan’s long legs, slumping back against the opposite armrest. Wiping sweat from his face, he closed his eyes, relaxing. “Nice.”

A not remotely subtle kick let him know that Dan was getting up and moving around. AJ chuckled, listening to Dan’s footsteps recede. He heard water running in the bathroom sink. “Bring me a wet washcloth!” he called without opening his eyes. He let sexual, physical satisfaction simmer through his body, sighing. Peace.

A soggy, cold washcloth dropped onto his face. “Here.”

AJ was so pleased with Dan’s sexual performance, he didn’t bother to retaliate, simply giving himself a quick scrub and tossing the cloth aside. “So.” He idly stroked the scratches Dan had left on his pelvic bone. “You tell me how Justin is, and I’ll tell you what he needs.”

Joey laughed. “Left foot, yellow.”

“Shit,” Lance muttered.

“I am not a contortionist,” Chris said.

“Get your ass out of my face,” Justin said.

“Joey, why do you have this damned game?” Lance demanded.

“For naked girl fun,” Chris said. “Don’t you play naked boy games?”

“Lance plays pin the tail on the,” Joey coughed, “donkey with his friends.”

“Howie and I played games,” Lance said. “Justin, can you move your elbow?”

“Not without dislocating my shoulder,” Justin said.

“Right foot, red,” Joey said. “AJ and I played strip poker.”

“Brian and I played strip checkers,” Chris said.

“Whose knee is that?” Justin asked.

“Mine,” Chris said.

“Mine,” Lance said.

“Not mine,” Chris corrected himself. “Brian and I played strip Monopoly, too.”

“Left hand, red,” Joey said.

“This is no longer anatomically possible,” Chris said.

“What did you and Howie play?” Justin asked Lance.

“Games,” Lance said.

“Brian and I played strip tic-tac-toe,” Chris said.

“I’m no longer listening to anything you say about you and Brian,” Joey said.

“Do you want to hear the rules for strip hopscotch?” Chris asked.

“No,” Joey said.

“What kinds of games?” Justin asked Lance.

“Sex games,” Lance said. “What about you and Kevin?”

Justin adjusted his foot. “Kevin and I played ‘do what Kevin wants or suffer.’” He rested his knee against Chris’s thigh. “I never won.”

“I liked strip tag best,” Chris said.

“I don’t want to play anymore,” Justin said.

Lance met his eyes. “You don’t have to.”

“Hi,” Erik said, stepping into the house.

“Hi, honey.” JC ran his hand through his hair, closing the door, and kissed Erik’s cheek. “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to meet up the other night.”

“Yeah,” Erik said. “How’s Justin?”

“We’re taking care of him,” JC said. “He’s feeling better. Do you want to sit down?”

“Yeah,” Erik said, following him into the living room and sitting with him on the sofa. “JC… I talked to Howie.”

“That’s his shirt,” JC said, kicking off his sandals and sitting back, bringing his feet up onto the sofa.

“I spilled something on mine,” Erik said. “He said you’re having a fight.”

“We are,” JC said, completely relaxed. “I can’t trust him.”

“Why not?” Erik asked.

“You know Howie,” JC said. “He’s manipulative.”

“Not in a bad way,” Erik said.

JC laughed, surprised. “I thought you were going to deny it.”

“Howie’s incredibly manipulative,” Erik said. “I think it’s hot as hell, on him.”

JC smiled. Dealing with Erik was an easy, low-pressure situation tonight. “You know Howie pretty well.” Apparently, Erik was more perceptive than he’d realized. He wondered what else Erik had picked up on.

“I know both of you,” Erik said. “That’s why I know how amazing you are together. That’s why I don’t understand why you’re here alone and he’s there alone, when you should be together.”

“I’m not alone,” JC said. He smiled. Getting a break from Howie had him in a good mood. “You’re here.”

“It’s not the same,” Erik said. “Tell me why you’re fighting. Howie said it was about James.”

“God, honey, I don’t want to talk about that tonight. I don’t want to talk about Howie and I really don’t want to talk about James.” JC sat forward, putting himself into Erik’s space. “Tell me how you’ve been.”

“I’ve been fine,” Erik said. “Right now, my life is more stable than everyone else’s.” He put his hand on JC’s thigh, obviously not finished with their previous conversation. “Howie loves you.”

“Howie loves himself,” JC said.

“He does love himself,” Erik said. “You love yourself, too. You’re both so confident, so,” he searched for the word, “self-possessed. You’re both very proud and very unique. You’re both incredibly hot and cultured and well-groomed and did I mention hot?” JC smiled. “You have a lot in common, and you have a lot of differences to keep each other interested. Howie is in love with you, JC, and I didn’t have to hear it from him to figure it out.”

JC trailed a slow finger across the back of Erik’s hand, considering Erik’s assessment.

Erik turned his hand over, capturing JC’s fingers to keep his attention. “He misses you. Go back to him. This is a stupid argument. You can work it out.”

“I need a few days away from him,” JC said.

“For what?” Erik asked impatiently.

“To figure things out,” JC said.

“What things?” Erik asked. “Tell me what they are and I’ll figure them out for you, right now.”

JC laughed. “Honey, why do you care so much?”

“Because you and Howie are the most…compelling people I’ve ever met,” Erik said. “You’re so…”

“So what?” JC asked, curious.

“So…beautiful together,” Erik said. “So magical together. So perfect together. You and Howie are amazing. You can’t be jealous of anyone, JC. Whatever Howie had with James, it’s nothing like what he has with you.”

JC sat back again, absently rubbing his thumb over the back of Erik’s hand. The disturbing thing was, a part of him wondered if Erik’s last statement was true. What if…

“Howie misses you,” Erik said. “I wanted to talk to you tonight, but if you don’t need me, I’m going to go back to him.”

“No,” JC said, tugging on his hand, pulling him closer. “Stay with me a little while longer.” Being with Erik without Howie around was giving him a chance to learn more about Erik, to see Erik from a new perspective. He wanted to learn more. “Tell me what you did today.”

The first thing Dan did when he got home was lock himself into the bathroom and examine the damage under the bright lights. There were bruises on his arms, scratches on his chest. A hickey. Two vicious bite marks on his neck. A scratch on his cheek. More scratches on his thighs.

He looked ridiculous. He looked like a victim. AJ was getting way out of hand. How was he going to explain this? He’d been mugged by a vampire?

The guys and Justin had all met Rebecca. They’d never believe she was inflicting this kind of damage.

“Come on.” AJ’s voice was soft and insinuating in his head. “Show me what you’ll do for him.”

He’d make up a new girl. Someone a little wild. The guys would be impressed, and they’d also be concerned, but they’d believe him. They’d believe him because they trusted him, because he never lied to them.

He could cover most of the damage, as long as he kept his clothes on. They’d see the marks on his neck, the scratch on his cheek. Maybe, considering the love bites Ashley bore, AJ’s teeth imprints wouldn’t look as drastic as he thought.

If AJ refused to tone it down, he’d continue to look like this. He’d have to keep up the pretense of the new girl, which meant he’d have to stop seeing Rebecca.

“I thought you’d do anything for Justin.”

Protecting Justin meant being strong. Being strong meant making sacrifices. While he was in this position, he wouldn’t be able to give any woman what she needed. Justin required too much time, too much attention. When it came down to Justin or Rebecca, Justin won. When it came down to Justin or himself, Justin won.

He’d received his tips from AJ. That was what it was all about, all of it. Helping Justin. Protecting Justin, giving Justin a chance to heal.

Justin deserved a better life, happiness, wholeness.

Everything would be worth it, in the end.

JC’s first revelation was that he hadn’t given Erik much of a chance. He hadn’t given Erik any chance at all. He’d formed an immediate, negative opinion and stuck with it.

Unfortunately, as it turned out, Erik was a lot of fun. Under different circumstances, he might have been a great partner in crime for Justin, or Joey, or Chris, or Nick. That thought did very twisted things to JC’s mind, so he tried not to dwell on it.

After a few unexpectedly entertaining hours, JC decided that he’d better get back to the plan and at least make out with Erik before sending him back to Howie. Claiming that he was simply going to bed, JC took Erik back to the bedroom and undressed, sliding naked between the sheets. Since they were in mid-conversation, Erik sat on the bed, and as they kept talking, JC casually pushed the sheet lower and lower as Erik relaxed further and further beside him.

Eventually, conversation dwindled as Erik’s attention wandered. JC mentally counted the seconds ticking by as Erik gazed in rapt fascination at the exposed skin below his navel and the sheet barely covering his groin. He was on forty-six when Erik met his eyes with a guilty smile. “Guess I’d better go.”

“All right,” JC said. He wasn’t going to push the issue. The truth was, he wasn’t sexually attracted to Erik, at least not without Howie’s influence. If Erik wasn’t going to start anything, he wouldn’t, either.

Erik’s hand drifted towards JC slowly. JC expected him to tug at the sheet, but instead Erik’s hand wandered north, making contact with JC’s temple, tucking a stray curl behind JC’s ear. “Don’t hold this against me,” Erik said.

“I won’t,” JC said, wondering what he was going to say.

“You’re incredibly sexy, JC.” Erik’s hand stroked down the line of his jaw before withdrawing. “You’re extraordinarily beautiful. If Howie had this amazing opportunity and didn’t love you, he’d be out of his mind.”

JC was used to flattery from people trying to get him into bed, but Erik’s compliment not only sounded sincerely heartfelt but also came from someone already firmly planted in JC’s bed. He was no more attracted than he’d been a minute ago, but he decided that, after what Erik had said, it might seem odd if he didn’t at least initiate a kiss. “Thank you, honey,” he said, slipping his hand behind Erik’s neck, easing Erik forward. Erik kissed him, eyes closing in appreciation, one hand coming to JC’s waist and stroking back over JC’s skin.

Flash-

“Remember all of those nights you ached for this? Remember how you begged for it? Remember how you touched yourself and whispered his name? This is it, JC, he’s here.”

-the kiss deepened, Erik’s hands rubbing over him, Erik’s body pressing closer, Erik’s arousal hardening against his hip-

“I want, I want him so much just…just saying his name makes me want him. Thinking about him makes me so hard I feel this…need… I need him so much I can’t stop feeling this…ache…”

-and it was like a master switch had been flipped inside JC, sending hot, burning need careening through his body. Without warning, an unseen button was pressed and he responded to Erik with Pavlovian urgency, moaning in need and kissing with new hunger. The way Erik was kissing him, the way Erik was touching him, god, “Erik-Michael…”

“So he’s with JC now?” Nick asked, uncapping a fresh pen, phone tucked under his chin.

“Yeah,” Howie said. “He’ll probably spend the night, unless JC has to get back to Justin.”

“You think JC would let him stay? I thought JC would grab any excuse to get away.”

Howie laughed. “Erik can offer JC something that Justin can’t.”

“What?” Nick asked, drawing in broad lines. “Sex?” JC loved sex, sure, but JC was pretty discriminating. “You think JC actually wants Erik?”

“JC loves the way Erik…touches him.”

Nick grinned in surprise, translating Howie’s tone of voice. “You mean JC gets off on the way Erik fingers his ass?”

“He’ll barely admit it,” Howie said, “but there was no hiding the way he reacted.”

Nick laughed. “Damn. Who knew Estrada had the magic touch? It takes a lot to impress JC. You should hear the way he talks about some of the amateurs who tried to poke up in there.”

“Erik has unexpected talents,” Howie said.

“Sounds like it.” Nick carefully shaded in some detail. “So, you might end up alone tonight? That sucks. You want us to come over?”

“I wouldn’t know how to explain that if Erik came back,” Howie said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Nick said. “You talk to AJ?”

“Not since this morning,” Howie said. “Why?”

Nick told Howie about Dan’s visit, explaining Dan’s demand that AJ stop harassing Dan’s friends.

“Dan’s getting bold,” Howie said.

“AJ asked me if I’d care if he roughed up Ashley. He got the green light from Kevin to mess with Trevor if he wants to, which is pretty funny considering that ‘don’t touch Justin’s face’ rule.” Kevin glared at him. “Stop scowling,” Nick said. “You’re fucking up the pose. Anyway,” he continued, turning his attention back to the phone, “I don’t care what AJ does, so I told him to go ahead. He’ll probably ask you about Erik.”

“AJ’s really jumping right into this abusive, violent role,” Howie said.

“You know AJ,” Nick said. “If he’s going to do it, he goes all the way.” He reached over, pushing Kevin’s hand back down. “If your nose itches, I’ll scratch it for you.”

“He’s not going after Jacob again, is he?” Howie asked.

“Who, AJ?” Nick asked, distracted, carefully repositioning Kevin’s fingers. “You’re the one who agreed to do this,” he reminded Kevin. “I don’t know,” he said to Howie. “You know Brian, he gets hyper-possessive at all the weirdest times. He could see it as an opportunity to step in and stop AJ and prove his loyalty, he could see it as an opportunity to comfort Jacob afterward, he might tell AJ no because he doesn’t want anyone touching his love, hell if I know.”

“I should talk to JC about it before I tell AJ yes or no on Erik,” Howie said.

“Yeah,” Nick said. “I don’t know what AJ’s going to do. He might just confront one of them to prove a point to Dan, he might go around beating up all of them, he might wait and make Dan stress about it.”

“Dan should have given in,” Howie said.

“He’s told AJ what to do too many times,” Nick said. “I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing. AJ doesn’t take that shit from just anybody.”

“What’s AJ going to do about it?” Howie asked.

“I told him to put Dan in his place,” Nick said. “He said he likes giving Dan room.”

“He’s experimenting,” Howie guessed.

“That’s going to give Dan a really false sense of security,” Nick said. “He’s going to think that he has the upper hand.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Howie said. “AJ always comes out on top.”

Jacob was withdrawn, sullen, and tense. When he did more than grunt, he spoke in terse, bitter, half-sentences. It was obvious that he didn’t want company.

“I should have called before I came over,” Brian said.

“You know you don’t have to,” Jacob muttered without looking at him.

Brian was fascinated by how angry Jacob was. Who was Jacob mad at? Himself? Lance? His shoulders were hunched; he kept picking at his nail polish and refusing to make eye contact. He radiated tension, outrage, his internal conflict and private shame right on the surface. He’d snapped at Trevor, he’d yelled at Ashley, but he hadn’t raised his voice to Brian. He didn’t want to be near Brian, but he was unable to take offensive action to push Brian away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Brian asked. They talked about everything. He knew every inch of Jacob’s soul, Jacob’s history, Jacob’s psychology. It was all mapped out in his mind; he’d memorized each contour of Jacob’s personal geography.

“No,” Jacob said.

Brian put a hand on Jacob’s arm. Jacob tensed further, muscles tight under Brian’s touch, but he didn’t pull away. Jacob would never pull away from him. “Do you want me to go? I won’t take it personally.” He wouldn’t. He respected Jacob’s turmoil as a private thing; if Jacob wanted to be alone, he could leave. But he knew that Jacob wouldn’t let him leave.

“No,” Jacob said. He sighed in frustration, squeezing Brian’s hand and then rubbing his temples where those sweet little curls grew. “I’ve had a shitty day, I had to deal with - - you don’t even want to know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t let that turn me into an asshole.”

“It’s okay now,” Brian said, aching for the day that he could truly soothe Jacob the way he longed to now. “It’s over.”

“Yeah.” Jacob pushed his hair back. “It’s over. I’m here now, I’m with you, I shouldn’t let any of that ruin this.”

“I wish that I could help,” Brian said. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“It’s a pretty sick situation,” Jacob said. “I have to handle it on my own.”

“Can you look at me and let me know you’re all right?” Brian said.

Jacob finally met his eyes with a quick smile. “It’s not that bad. I just have to get over this one hurdle, and then I think everything else will fall into place.”

“I hope so,” Brian said, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah.” Jacob took a deep breath, looking away again, picking off nail polish. Tiny silver flecks collected on the carpet. “I’m counting on it. I can’t go through this for nothing.”

“It won’t be for nothing,” Brian said. “Whatever it is, you’ll make it happen, you’ll make it work. You can do anything you want, Jacob, you just have to want it badly enough and push for it as hard as you can.” He couldn’t not touch; he slid his hand into Jacob’s. “How badly do you want it?”

Jacob looked into his eyes. There was conviction in Jacob’s gaze. Devotion and righteousness. “I’ll do anything to get it. Anything I have to. It doesn’t even matter what it is anymore, as long as it gets me closer.”

“Closer to what?” Brian asked.

“I can’t tell you now,” Jacob said. “Someday, you’ll understand.” His grip on Brian’s hand became firmer and more intimate. “I hope that you’ll understand.”

“I will,” Brian promised. “Whatever it is, whenever you want to tell me about it, I’ll understand.” He longed to kiss Jacob, to touch Jacob’s face, to reassure. “I love you. I’ll always understand.”

When Lance fell asleep on the floor, they woke him up and sent him to bed. After he stumbled off, Joey, Justin, and Chris played Uno and talked about women and speculated on how infinitely horrible the upcoming barbecue would be.

When Justin’s phone rang, he checked it with the usual spike of “Kevin?!” shooting through his stomach. “It’s Dan,” he reported. He kind of wanted to talk to Dan privately, but he was enjoying the comfort of being with the guys. “Keep going,” he said, setting down his cards, deciding to take the call in the bedroom. He’d have both privacy and comfort there, since Lance would be present but asleep.

Joey gave him a wary glance but let him go; Chris went through his cards.

“You’ve been Justified,” Justin said, walking down the hallway and slipping into Joey’s darkened room.

“Hey, it’s Dan. You’re still at Lance’s?”

Lanth’th. Justin smiled, easing down onto the bed. “You sound tired.” Lance was fast asleep and looked comfortable. “Joey’s house, tonight. It looks like right now I have about three people planning on spending the night with me, so I’ll be taken care of. You’re off duty for now.”

“That’s good. Are you feeling okay?”

Justin tugged a pillow into place, closing his eyes. He hadn’t really talked to Dan since he’d left the Townhouse, and so much had happened, but he still… It all came back to that moment, Jacob’s words, the accusation, the exposure… “I don’t know.” He rubbed his forehead, sighing, trying to decide what he could talk about and how to put it into words. “I’ve been so busy trying to keep myself going, putting up the front had all of my attention, and I didn’t realize how close I was to the edge. What Jacob said, it hit me so hard, so unexpectedly, it was like it just… I snapped. I lost it, I totally lost it.”

“Justin, you’re not a whore. You know that. I’m in bed with you every night, so I know you’re not getting a lot of action.”

But he’d been having sex with AJ. Although, that was only one person. But the number of sexual partners didn’t matter; what mattered was him, who he really was, what he was willing to-

“Justin?”

“I don’t know who I am.” He didn’t roll over, because if he did he’d curl into the fetal position and start sobbing, and he didn’t want to do that in front of Lance. He rubbed at his eyes. “I’m so scared all of the time. He made me feel so exposed. I did things.”

“Who are you when he’s not around?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know,” he whispered.

“He made you think you’re someone you’re not,” Dan said. “He made you think you’re someone else. That’s not you. That’s never been you, and you can’t let it become you.”

“I’m whoever he wants me to be.”

“You’re Justin,” Dan said firmly. “Not the person he wanted to create. Not the person he was trying to force you to be. I know you’ve changed, but it wasn’t your choice. Whoever you were before he met you, that’s you. Whoever you are when he’s not around, that’s you. Whoever you want to be, that’s you.”

“I want to be whole again,” he said. “I want to be strong again. I want to be me again. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to hurt like this.”

“You can be whole again,” Dan said. “You are strong, Justin, I know you are. Look at everything you’ve made it through. Look how far you’ve come. He’s gone. You survived everything he did to you and got out on the other side. Now you can rebuild. This is your chance.”

“What if I can’t do it?” It was painful to ask; he’d never had to ask that question before. The boy he’d used to be had never faced the idea that he wouldn’t be able to do something. “What if I try and it doesn’t work? What if he took that away from me?”

“You can do it,” Dan said. “Justin, you can do anything.”

Dan sounded so sure, so firmly insistent, so confident, like no one would dare oppose him. But there was a voice in the back of his head telling him not to believe.

“You can do anything,” Dan said again, even more firmly. “You can do this. And if you ever want any help, you have it.”

“Can I do this?” He was afraid to ask. He was afraid to hope.

“Yes,” Dan said. “You can.”

“How do you know?” Dan couldn’t be this sure. Dan didn’t have all of the facts. Dan didn’t know anything. Dan didn’t-

“I know you,” Dan said.

“Maybe you don’t.”

“Do you think I do?”

He opened his eyes and really thought about it. He turned his gaze to one side, to where Lance slept.

Kevin knew him. Kevin knew him like no one else.

Lance and Chris and Joey and JC knew him. They’d become so close, even Kevin hadn’t been able to remove them from his life.

Dan… Dan couldn’t possibly know him. Dan didn’t know what the name “Kevin” did to him. Dan didn’t have any of the names or dates or times or places right.

But Dan had seen him come apart. Dan had held him when he’d hurt. Dan had been with him in the dark of night. Dan had comforted him when he’d cried.

When Dan looked at him, did Dan really see him? When everyone else saw the façade, what did Dan see?

Did Dan understand?

“I don’t know,” he said, frustrated. He closed his eyes. AJ knew him. Brian knew him. They didn’t see in him any of the things that Dan did.

But maybe they weren’t seeing all of him.

Maybe there were different sides. All real, just glimpsed from different perspectives. Maybe Dan was just seeing him from a different side. In different light.

“Yes,” Justin said. “Yes. You know me.” It felt good to say, felt good to believe, and he smiled, feeling his body relax. The “if he doesn’t see what disgusting garbage you are, he doesn’t know you at all” voice in the back of his head was trying to get his attention, but he did his best to ignore it.

“Then trust me when I tell you that you can do this,” Dan said.

Justin felt his smile broaden. “Say my name.”

“Justin?” Dan asked.

Juthtin. That felt good. “Say it again.”

“Justin.” Dan was laughing now. “Stop making fun of me.”

“Go to bed,” Justin said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Dan said. “Take care of yourself.”

“Good night,” Justin said.

“Good night. Justin.”

Laughing, Justin hung up his phone.

“It’s good to see you happy.”

“Jesus!” Justin stared at Lance. “When did you wake up?”

“A second ago.” Lance’s expression changed subtly, concern slipping in. “You’re very close to him.”

“Yeah.” Justin rolled onto his stomach, hugging a pillow, resting his cheek on it and looking at Lance. “You know me so well. We grew up together. Joey knows me inside and out, Chris understands me… JC’s known me since forever. Even before you and Joey and Chris, JC was there.”

“We’ve been together for a long time,” Lance said.

“I thought for a while, it seemed like you guys were the only ones who’d ever really get me. I thought someone had to be one of us to understand us.”

“It seems that way, a lot of the time,” Lance said. “That’s part of what attracted me to Howie, that he was the first person I’d met who seemed to get…it, whatever it is, because he’d been through all of it himself, step by step.”

“They went through it first,” Justin said. “Were we the ungrateful brats riding their coattails, the way we think O-Town-”

“No,” Lance said firmly. “We put in so many hours, we danced until we collapsed, we put everything we had into this. No one works harder than we do. No one wants it more. We weren’t handed this, we fought for it. They’re trying to get where we are by taking every shortcut in the book.”

“If that’s not it, then why - - why are they doing this to us?” Justin asked, hopeless. “Why do they hate me so much?”

“It’s not just you,” Lance said.

“It is me!” Justin protested. “They were targeting me! Chris told us, it started out - - they were coming after me! What did I do?!”

“You didn’t do anything,” Lance said, “except be brilliantly gifted and exceptionally beautiful. Maybe they have a problem with that. Maybe they’re jealous.”

It was a great compliment, and it was also the funniest thing Justin had ever heard. He hugged Lance, and he laughed. “That’s what’s wrong,” he said, laughing against Lance’s shoulder. “Kevin’s jealous of me.”

“You’re a better singer than he is, you’re a better dancer than he is, you’re more creative than he is, you’re younger than he is, you’re more attractive than he is-”

“Stop,” Justin said, shushing Lance.

“He’s not going to hear me and come in here to retaliate,” Lance said.

“I know,” Justin said. “I just… Don’t.” He wasn’t comfortable with that train of thought.

“Okay,” Lance said. “What were you starting to say? Were you taking that point somewhere?”

“When?” Justin asked.

“The four of us know you, and you used to think we’d be the only ones,” Lance said.

“Oh. Yeah,” Justin said. He looked down. “When Kevin… Kevin knows me. Kevin knows me in ways no one else does. He knows parts of me that… He knows…” Justin rubbed his forehead, trying to get the words out. “Kevin knows the me that no one else has ever seen.”

“Kevin knows the you he created,” Lance said.

“If Kevin knows me, and you know me, and Dan knows me… You all know me in different ways. You know different things about me. Kevin knows me psychologically, sexually, emotionally, physically. He knows my needs and my fears and my sexuality and… Dan knows me intimately. He knows how to comfort me and how to cheer me up and when to give me space and when to stick close. You guys know me, you know everything about me, all of my strengths and all of my weaknesses and all of my history and all of my dreams. You know my family and my friends and me, you really know who I am even when I’m not sure.”

“This is all leading up to a question,” Lance said.

“If all of you know me so well… Which one of you is right?” Justin asked. “Is Kevin right? Is JC right? Is Dan right? Is Chris right?”

Lance took time to answer. His gaze studied Justin at length. Careful fingers drew gentle lines down Justin’s cheek. “I don’t know,” Lance finally said. “I think that it all depends on you.”

As far as JC was concerned, Nick’s erection was perfection. The perfect width, the perfect length, with perfect veins and a perfect head. Nothing else got him at just the perfect angle or gave him that perfect full stretch.

He’d tried to duplicate it. Other men, dildos, everything was either too short, too thin, or painfully oversized. Nothing fit him like Nick did.

That didn’t mean that no one else could turn him on or get him off. It just meant that in penetration, like in many other areas of sex, romance, and life, Nick was the best he’d ever known and everyone else fell short.

Erik was never going to be the fabulous, complete lover that Nick was. But he had his own...abilities.

On his hands and knees, tugging rhythmically on his own erection and panting through each internal mini-burst of pleasure, JC moaned. “Deeper, baby, deeper.” He groaned, speeding his fist. Erik’s hands were on his waist, dick pumping in and out at a fast, steady pace. “Oh, god, honey, harder.” He wanted more of it, wanted it to rock into him, wanted, “Fuck me, fuck me, make me feel it.”

“God, JC.” There it was, there, oh, JC shifted his weight for balance as Erik pounded into him. There was a time for slow and tender, but JC wanted it quick and fierce, wanted Erik’s youth and energy and hormone-driven lust to fuck him out of his mind. He didn’t want to be able to think about what he was doing, wanted only to feel it through every inch of his body.

“Erik, oh, Michael, yes.” Erik’s dick was plunging deep, thrusts hard enough to keep him shaking and fast enough to keeping him panting, not giving him a chance to think, only giving him a chance to experience the mounting pleasure, the building pressure, the, the, “Oh, Erik-Michael,” it wouldn’t stop, it was, he was, JC rocked back into the constant thrusting and came, ecstasy stuttering through his body in uncontrollable spasms.

“You’re so hot, so, you’re so, god, you feel so good, it feels, it feels, god, unh.” Erik moaned, slamming into him, thrusting in quick rhythm. His hands were firm on JC’s waist, holding JC in place, and the continued pistoning of his dick made JC want the steady penetration to last forever.

JC didn’t get forever. With several shocked moans and a few heartfelt groans, Erik came, squeezing JC’s hips and panting out JC’s name. “Damn,” Erik said breathlessly. “Damn,” he repeated. He popped his dick out, stroking JC’s thigh with a shaky hand. “Damn.”

JC eased onto his back, offering Erik a hand. Erik took it, and JC pulled him in, stroking his hair and kissing his soft mouth. “Erik,” kiss, “Michael,” kiss, “honey.”

“Yeah?” Erik asked, kissing down his neck, fingers tangling in his hair.

“You don’t have to leave, do you?”

“I don’t have to,” Erik said, and raised his head, meeting JC’s eyes. His grin was teasingly suspicious. “Why?”

Erik’s skin was so smooth against his fingers. “I want you to stay.” So smooth, like Howie’s, so soft, like Nick’s…

Erik laughed. “I’ll stay as long as you want.” His eyes sparkled when he grinned. “As long as you call me Erik oh god oh god oh god Michael again.”

Joey came back from the bedroom and sat beside Chris on the couch. “The kids are cuddled up sleeping.”

“Good,” Chris said, tilting a small wire slinky from one hand to the other.

Joey’s arm came around his shoulders, a solid weight. “Chris.”

“Joey,” Chris said warily, checking Joey out in his peripheral vision.

“Christopher,” Joey said. “This would be a good time for us to talk.”

“If you say so.” He dangled one end of the slinky from one finger, watching the rest of it shimmer down to the floor.

“What’s up?” Joey asked.

“Lance and Justin are in bed,” Chris said. “JC’s at home with Erik, you’re-”

“What’s up with you?” Joey clarified.

“I’m here with you,” Chris said. “And a slinky.” He looked at Joey on his left, then at Joey’s hand on his right shoulder. “If you want to make out, I guess that’s okay, but you’re not really my type.”

“What’s your type?” Joey asked.

“Brian,” Chris said.

“What else?” Joey asked.

“Brian,” Chris said.

“What else?” Joey insisted.

“Beautiful blue-eyed Southern boys with strong cheekbones and friendly smiles,” Chris said. “Tall green-eyed control freaks with black hair and heavy eyebrows. And competitive young caramel boys with sensitive eyes and a lot of hair.” He passed the slinky from one hand to the other, listening to the soft shhht, shhht sound. “Pretty eclectic. I like singers, if you want a common thread.” He glanced at Joey. “You’re a singer, but you’re not very Southern. And you’re not at all caramel.”

“What’s Kevin up to?” Joey asked.

Chris swallowed, quickly turning back to his slinky. “You mean with Trevor?”

“I mean with this whole game,” Joey said. “With us, with you, with Justin.”

“I don’t know,” Chris said. “We don’t talk about Justin. He doesn’t like to.”

“What’s Brian planning?”

The slinky slipped from Chris’s hands. “What?”

“What is Brian planning?”

He’d heard correctly the first time. How unfortunate. “I wouldn’t know anything about that,” Chris said, clasping his hands together.

“You don’t have any guesses?” Joey asked.

Chris studied his joined hands without seeing them. “Brian’s not a predictable person.”

Joey was looking at him. He could feel it. He kept his head down, his gaze on his hands. “How much do you know that you’re not telling us?” Joey asked.

Chris didn’t want to have to answer that question. “Not a whole lot,” he said. It was a lie, but Joey would know from his voice that it was a lie, and if Joey knew that it was a lie then it wasn’t one. Joey wouldn’t hold that against him. Joey was a good friend. “You’re a very good friend.”

“Chris, if you know something that can help us, you have to tell us.”

He’d been afraid of that.

“Anything,” Joey said. “It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter how small it is, it doesn’t matter how much it hurts. You have to help us.”

“I wish that I could help,” Chris said. “I can’t help anyone. I can’t help you, I can’t help Justin or Lance or JC, I can’t help Trevor, I can’t even help myself.”

“If you know anything-”

“I don’t,” Chris insisted.

“You can tell me anything,” Joey said. “I’ll believe you, whatever it is. I won’t be mad that you didn’t say it before, I just need you to tell me now. We all do. You saw Justin today. If you can help him, if you can help any of us-”

“I can’t help!” Chris pulled away from Joey. “I want to help, but I can’t. I don’t like seeing you all like this. I don’t like seeing Justin come apart. Do you think this isn’t hell on me? Do you think I’d let this happen if I could stop it?” he demanded.

Joey smiled at him. “You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m-”

“No, you’re mad,” Joey said, still happy about it. “You never get mad anymore. I like this.”

“You can see more of it if you keep asking stupid questions,” Chris said.

Joey laughed.

“I know you want to do something to help,” Chris said. “This is as hard on you as it is on me, it’s hard on all of us. But I can’t help you. There are no magical solutions. The only way to get out of this is to go back in time and never start in the first place. Now that we’re here, we’re being dragged through it to the end whether we like it or not. We don’t get choices anymore.”

“There are always choices,” Joey said.

“Sometimes the only choices you have are ones you know you can’t choose,” Chris said. “Sometimes life sets it up that way.”

“AJ set it up that way, a lot,” Joey said. He sounded like he didn’t know how resentful to be.

“I stopped looking for choices,” Chris said. “I just do whatever I think Brian wants. Doing anything else isn’t an option anymore.”

“It should be,” Joey said, frowning at him. “It can be, again.”

“Don’t you do whatever you think AJ wants?” Chris asked, picking up the slinky.

“Not every minute of every day,” Joey said.

“But, whenever it comes up?” Chris asked.

Joey shrugged, not liking the question but unable to avoid the truth. “Yeah. Whenever it comes up, I do what I think AJ would like me to do.”

“Why?” Chris asked.

Joey gave Chris a wary look, then decided to answer. “It’s important to me for AJ to be happy,” he said, leaning forward and folding his hands. “And I want him to be happy with me, specifically.”

“If you do what he wants you to do, he’ll like the choices you make, and then he’ll like you,” Chris said. “And then all of a sudden he’ll fall in love with you and bear your children.”

“Shut up,” Joey said, getting up from the couch.

“Let me know if that works,” Chris said. “I could use the hope.”

JC laced his fingers through Erik’s to get Erik’s hand out of his hair. “Good night,” he said, with a soft kiss.

Erik’s gaze was concerned but direct. “Don’t you feel like something’s missing?”

How could he explain to Erik that without Nick, JC felt like something was missing every minute of every day?

“This doesn’t feel right without Howie,” Erik said.

“I know,” JC said quietly. Erik was right; it felt off, to have sex with Erik without Howie, to fall asleep with Erik without Howie. The moment didn’t feel complete without Howie there. He’d been alone with Erik before, but so much of his Erik experience had been shared with Howie, it was strange to kiss Erik good night and not make room for Howie to do the same.

“I was thinking about before,” Erik said. “After I fucked up, before you let me back in. Even when I was mad at you, I still missed you. Even when I was with girls, even when I was doing my damnedest not to think about you, I still missed you. Both of you. And that’s just me, I’ve never even had with you what Howie has with you. I know that he’s thinking about you right now. I know he misses you, JC.”

“We missed you, too,” JC said. “I miss Howie right now. But I’m not ready to go back to him. Maybe in the morning I’ll be ready to talk to him, maybe I won’t. Right now, I just want to be here with you, and sleep.”

“He loves you so much,” Erik said.

JC sighed. “I know he does, honey, and I love him. One night apart won’t change that.” His thoughts caught on a previous point. “You were mad at us?”

“Yeah, I was mad,” Erik admitted, open and forthcoming. “I was pissed off that you’d asked me to lie for you, especially to the guys. I was pissed off that you’d dropped me. I was pissed off that I couldn’t get you out of my head.” He smiled, rubbing his thumb across JC’s knuckles. “I blamed you for seducing me and warping my sexuality.”

“Well, if we did that, I know we’re not sorry,” JC said, stroking his chin. “It was a pleasure to seduce you.”

“Do you have any idea how impossible you are to get over?” Erik asked.

JC laughed. “Oh, honey, sometimes I wish that were true.”

“Do you think I get off on power?” Nick asked.

Kevin smiled at him. “I think that you get off on a lot of things.”

Nick laughed. “Yeah, but we don’t have time to name them all. I mean, when I’m with Ashley, and I see the way he responds to me… I have this effect on him, this power over him.”

“You have that effect on a lot of people,” Kevin said.

“It’s so complete with Ashley,” Nick said. “Hell, some days it seems like I can do it to anybody I want. But Ashley’s so…”

“In love with you?” Kevin guessed.

“It’s not like it was with JC,” Nick said. “JC was used to having the power. He had to learn to give everything over to me and let me own him heart, mind, and body. Ashley’s used to letting other people tell him what to do.”

“Ashley’s a follower,” Kevin said. “JC’s always walked his own path.”

“It’s almost like having this magical hold over someone,” Nick said. “There’s this invisible connection between me and his sexuality. Millions of strings that I can pull whenever I want to.”

“He’s a sexual puppet,” Kevin said.

“Ashley doesn’t just moan for me, he screams for me, he begs. He can’t get enough of me. He doesn’t even respond to Joey like he responds to me. All I have to do is look at him the right way. It’s crazy. He’s into everything I do. The way I touch him, the way I move, everything I say.”

“You’re very sexual,” Kevin said. “You’re very sensual.”

“It’s like being worshipped,” Nick said. “Is that weird?”

“Weird for Ashley to worship you, not at all. He’s never seen anyone like you or experienced the kind of devastating pleasure that you deliver. Every time you’re with him, he’s going to be that much more worked up the next time he sees you. Is it weird for you to like being worshipped? No. You just have to decide how far you want to take it.”

“You mean, decide whether to be nice to him like I am with JC, or whether to crush him like a bug?” Nick asked.

“How you treat Ashley is up to you,” Kevin said. “You know what it’s in your nature to do. You’re temperamental, but you have a generous heart.”

“I have Ashley under my thrall,” Nick said. “JC’s down there, too. He used to start moaning and getting hard if I just blew on his fingers.” Nick closed his eyes, tipping his head back. “God, we were so fucking good together.”

Kevin’s gaze traveled slowly down Nick’s neck.

“You think I’m too nice,” Nick said. He opened his eyes. “I’m not.”

Kevin raised his gaze. “I know.”

“I’m not weak,” Nick said. “I could put Ashley through everything you ever did to Justin.”

“I know,” Kevin said. He did. He took Nick very seriously when it came to that.

Nick grinned. “Which one of them do you think would look better chained to the foot of the bed?”

“Justin,” Kevin said.

Nick laughed. “You didn’t even think about it.”

“I don’t have to,” Kevin said. “Justin was born to suffer.”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “Ashley wasn’t?”

Kevin smiled. “Ashley was. Justin looks better doing it.”

“Have you looked at Ashley?” Nick asked.

“Ashley is harmless, meaningless fluff,” Kevin said.

“And there’s a lot of substance to Timberlake?” Nick asked in disbelief.

“There are layers to Justin’s devotion,” Kevin said. “I like that about him.”

Joey turned on the lamp in the corner, and Chris coughed suddenly. “Maybe they want to be alone.” Lance was asleep on top of Justin, chest to chest, face tucked against his neck, hands creeping up under his shirt.

“As long as Justin gets good sleep from it, it works for me,” Joey said, unzipping his jeans.

“Lance is more age-appropriate for him than Kevin is,” Chris mused, studying them. “No, no, don’t disturb their sweet slumber of love,” he said as Joey began to lie down.

“It’s my bed,” Joey said, getting in comfortably.

“Do you think Lance knows he’s feeling Justin up in his sleep?” Chris asked.

“I think Lance is very, very comfortable in bed with men,” Joey said.

“Hmm.” Chris thought about that. “Maybe I’ll sleep somewhere else.”

“Get over here,” Joey said. “Lance wouldn’t look at your hairy ass twice, and you know it.”

“My ass isn’t hairy,” Chris said, offended, and looked back at it. “Is it? Do you think Brian minds? Kevin never said anything about it, and he doesn’t mince words. I’m not sure what mincing words would look like,” he added, looking at Joey again. “Is mincing like slicing and dicing?”

“Get in bed and shut up so I can sleep,” Joey said.

“Okay,” Chris said. “But I get to be on top.”

Jacob pushed himself up onto one elbow, watching Brian sleep.

His gaze traced Brian’s features in the darkness.

It was harder and harder to wait. The urge to be with Brian was stronger every day. His libido was driving him crazy. His body kept wanting to go for it, do it, jump Brian and damn the consequences. But the time had to be right. The moment had to be perfect. He had to be totally, one hundred percent ready.

To be ready, he had to practice. Learn. Get it all down. Which meant dealing with Lance, and remembering everything Lance said. There were too many tips, too many tricks - - according to Lance, he didn’t even breathe right during sex.

Sometimes he wanted to drop Lance and forget the whole damned thing. But Lance knew Brian, knew what men wanted, knew what Brian liked. Sex was one area where Lance knew Brian better than he did, and if he wanted to benefit from Lance’s experience, he had to put up with Lance’s bullshit.

He was determined to learn everything Lance had to teach. He’d learn it, master it, and do it better than Lance ever could, so Brian would have no reason to touch that sick fuck ever again.

There was too much to remember. Making love to women had never been this complicated. Lance kept telling him that everything he did was wrong. The way he touched, the way he kissed, the way he moaned, the way he moved his hips, the way he held his legs, the way he arched his back, the way he talked. He wasn’t worried about the things he said; what he intended to say to Brian in bed, he’d never try out on Lance. Lance wouldn’t understand, anyway.

Jacob rolled closer to Brian, until he could feel the warmth of Brian’s body. As soon as he’d used Lance as thoroughly as he could, he’d be able to make his first move. In the perfect moment, at the right time with the right words and the right touch, he’d show Brian such grand love and intense passion that Brian would never have reason to look at anyone else. Including Lance.

He was determined not to let Lance get to him. Of course Lance didn’t think that he could do it. Lance was only helping him to fuck with his head; Lance wouldn’t teach him how to seduce Brian if Lance thought for a second that he’d succeed. But fuck Lance. Maybe Jacob didn’t have Lance’s extensive whoring experience, but he did have more love than Lance would ever know.

Trevor walked down to the kitchen. He hadn’t planned to be up this early, but he couldn’t stay asleep. With everyone in bed, the house was quiet. Still.

The only time Chris was still was when he was asleep. He couldn’t even zone out and watch TV without fidgeting. When he was sleeping, he finally held still and relaxed. All of that restless energy faded away into a restful peace.

Trevor hiked himself up onto the kitchen table and looked around the room. He’d spent a lot of time with Chris in the kitchen. They’d eaten together. Raided the fridge together. Made out. Had food fights. Plotted how to steal the remote from Erik. Dropped ice cubes down Dan’s back.

Trevor missed all of that.

He missed being fidgeted on, too. It should have been incredibly annoying to have someone toying with his shoelaces and tapping his knee. Chris didn’t hold his hand; Chris messed with his fingers. But he loved that. He missed it.

Chris hadn’t called.

Maybe Chris had written him off as a loss and moved on.

Maybe Chris was trying to figure out how to get back with Kevin.

Maybe Chris was waiting for him to call first.

“JC.” Lips brushing his neck. Hands stroking his pelvis. Lips so soft on his chest… “JC.”

“Okay, honey,” JC murmured, stretching contentedly in the morning light.

Quiet laughter by his ear. A soft kiss. “Okay, what?”

JC kissed Erik, then opened his eyes, guiding Erik’s hand to his arousal. “Okay, you can make love to me.”

Erik laughed again, kissing him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” JC said generously, closing his eyes again, sighing with pleasure.

“I have to get back to the house for rehearsal,” Erik said, slowly pumping JC into full arousal, kissing up, then down his neck. “So we don’t have time for a lot.” His fingers trailed lower, exploring, as his tongue licked gently. “What do you want?”

His tongue was so soft, and his, oh, fingers… “Oh, honey,” JC said, fighting back a moan as, oh, “god…” JC’s body grew tense as Erik touched his, his, “Oh, Erik-Michael…”

“You like that?” Erik’s voice was soft, his breath hot on JC’s nipple as he stroked, yes, JC groaned, knees rising. “Maybe I should get the lube,” Erik said, licking down JC’s chest.

“Yes,” JC moaned, the word trailing into a hiss as Erik’s tongue found the head of his cock. “Erik…Michael…” The play of Erik’s fingers over his piercing, the stroking against the pucker of his asshole, the soft stroke of Erik’s tongue, it was making him so hard, it was making him want, “oh,” Erik to, “yes…” JC groaned, pulling his knee to his chest.

Chris was up early, puttering around Joey’s house. Bad dreams about Brian, Lance, and a closet had chased him out of bed. He was organizing Joey’s CD’s according to his own preferences when his phone rang.

Trevor? Trevor was calling him.

He wanted to answer. He missed Trevor. He wanted to hear what was going on in Trevor’s life. He wanted to apologize and make up for any and all pain he’d caused.

He missed having someone to pet. Someone to play with. He could play with his own friends, of course, although petting them would get weird pretty fast.

There was something unique about Trevor, something unique about his interactions with Trevor. The sexual-romantic undertones to everything, maybe. The way he knew Trevor felt about him. The way being loved made him feel.

Trevor wasn’t Brian or Kevin or Justin or Joey or Lance or JC or anyone else. Trevor was a very specific person, and they shared a very specific friendship. Trevor paid attention to him like he was special. In Trevor’s eyes, he was smart and sexy and hilarious and worldly. In his eyes, Trevor was his chance for redemption.

Trevor was a good person. Innocent of wrongdoing. Perfect for him, in a pre-Brian world.

Chris eyed his phone. Trevor had left him a message. He wondered what it said. He wondered how mad Trevor was at him. Maybe Trevor had called to yell at him. Called to try to get back together with him. Called to ask about the weather.

He wasn’t supposed to talk to Trevor. Talking to Trevor too soon would disrupt Kevin’s plans, and that wouldn’t go over well. But maybe Trevor needed him for something. Needed help, maybe.

He should delete the message and forget that Trevor had called. But it wouldn’t hurt if he just listened to what Trevor had to say. It wasn’t like he was going to call back.

He’d just check.

“Chris, this is Trevor.” He was using his cool, casual, player voice. His I know you want me voice. His you can’t hurt me voice. “Just checking in. Catch you later.”

Chris felt himself frowning and rubbed the wrinkles off of his forehead. Trevor was hurt, and wanted to talk to him, but was also mad and playing it cool to avoid being caught letting someone hurt him. If he’d answered, they could have talked, maybe. Since he hadn’t answered, Trevor was feeling shut out.

Chris hadn’t had this much insight into other people’s feelings and motivations, before Brian. Sometimes he wished he didn’t have it now, either.

Jacob and Brian were already in the practice room, playing in front of the mirrors, when Ashley walked in. “Hey. Dan’s coming down, and he looks like - - I don’t know, like he spent last night getting into some wicked S&M,” Ashley said. “Don’t say anything about it, because he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Where did he go last night?” Jacob asked.

“I don’t know,” Ashley said. “I know he slept here, but I didn’t hear him come home.”

Trevor came in. “Did you see Dan?”

“Don’t ask him about it,” Ashley said.

“Too late,” Trevor said. “He wouldn’t tell me anything, though. Who would Dan let bite his neck?”

“Do you know where he went last night?” Ashley asked.

“The only thing I know is that we’ve started to look like a walking freak show,” Trevor said.

Ashley couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know what Trevor was talking about. He had to rehearse in more clothes than usual to cover up the signs that Nick had visited his body. His gaze traveled to the fading marks on Jacob’s neck.

“I didn’t ask to be strangled,” Jacob said.

Ashley couldn’t use that defense. He distinctly remembered asking Nick for several things.

“Are we ready to start?” Dan asked, walking into the room like nothing was out of the ordinary. “Where’s Erik?”

“Not home yet,” Ashley said. He could pretend everything was fine, if Dan could.

Jacob checked the time, like he hadn’t noticed anything unusual about the dark bruising on Dan’s neck and arms. “He’d better get here soon.”

“I’m here right - - whoa, what the hell happened to you?” Erik asked, jogging into the room and stopping short to stare at Dan.

“Nothing happened to me,” Dan said. “Are you rehearsing in that?”

“Sure,” Erik said, and began to undress. “What are we starting with?”

Joey let JC into the house. “Want some breakfast?”

“Yeah,” JC said, following him to the kitchen. “How’s everything here?”

“Pretty quiet,” Joey said. “Everybody slept okay. Chris is depressed.”

“I’m not depressed,” Chris said. “I miss my caramel cutie. None of you are at all caramel.” He looked around the room. “None of you are all that cute, either.”

“Thanks,” Lance said to Chris, passing JC a cup of coffee.

“What about you, J?” JC asked, leaning beside Justin at the table. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Justin said. “I’d like to hang out with Dan today.”

“Yeah?” JC asked.

“But we’d miss you if you left us,” Joey said, rubbing Justin’s hair.

“You’d get over it,” Justin assured him.

“How was your night?” Lance asked JC.

JC shrugged, taking a bagel. “Dealing with Erik alone all night wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Alone?” Lance asked. “Where was Howie?”

“Howie and I aren’t getting along very well right now,” JC said. “I don’t trust him, he doesn’t like me not trusting him, we’ve been fighting about it, so we’re taking a break from each other. We’re still seeing Erik, we’re making him go back and forth between us.”

“You broke up?” Chris asked.

“In Erik’s reality, yes,” JC said. “In this reality, we were never together.”

“I’d love to break up with Nick,” Joey said.

“How’s Erik taking it?” Justin asked. “Is he using it to get you all to himself?”

“Actually, no.” JC sounded genuinely surprised about it. “He might, once he thinks about it, but last night he honestly seemed to want us to get back together. He wasn’t thinking about himself at all.”

“Weird,” Joey said.

“Maybe he’s as stupid as he looks,” Lance said.

“Or a better person than we thought,” Chris said. Everyone looked at him. “Am I wrong?” he asked, glancing from one face to the next. “Did the rules change? Is selflessness the trait of a bad person?”

“How selfless is he being?” Justin asked. “Did he try to get in your pants last night?”

JC rubbed his ear. “We had sex.”

“That’s not being a good person, that’s moving in on someone else’s man while his side of the bed is empty,” Joey said.

“Like you’ve never done it,” Lance said.

Joey grinned. “I provide women with a very important service.”

“The Joeygasm 9000,” Chris said. “Don’t get in bed without it.”

“What’s sex with Erik like?” Justin asked JC.

“Terrible,” Lance said.

“You’ve had sex with Erik?” Chris asked Lance. “All of this partner-switching is getting really complicated.”

“I thought you liked Latin dreamboats,” Joey said to Lance.

“You should try AJ,” Chris said. “I hear he’s very intense.”

“He’s actually pretty good,” JC said to Justin. Everyone stared at JC; he turned red but continued to explain, without moving his gaze from Justin. “He’s as devoted to my pleasure as he is to his own. He wants me, so badly, and he loves fucking me, so much, and he really wants me to come, he wants me to get off. It’s as much about me as it is about him.”

“He’s young and enthusiastic,” Lance interpreted.

“He’s the same age you are,” Chris said. “He’s older than baby JT here. You have to stop talking about them like they’re stupid kids, since they’re your own age.”

“You can’t compare me to Erik,” Lance said.

“You’re jealous and threatened because he gets to have sex with Howie,” Chris said. “I just don’t think that you should be. What does Erik have that you don’t?”

“Unless Howie doesn’t like hot, smart, ambitious tops, you’re a shoo-in,” Joey said.

“Erik is taller,” Chris said. “And significantly closer to Howie racially than you are. How big is his dick? Do you think Howie’s a size queen?”

“Shut up,” Lance said.

“I’m done,” Chris said.

“How much older than me is Trevor?” Justin asked Chris.

“Um… Math is hard,” Chris said. “A little over a year. Maybe a year and two months.”

“Kevin thought I was too young,” Justin said. “I wonder if he’ll think Trevor is old enough.”

“You were nineteen,” JC said.

“You weren’t screwing older men when you were nineteen?” Joey asked JC.

“By choice,” JC said. “I wasn’t coerced into it by someone preying on my vulnerabilities.”

“I wasn’t an innocent kid,” Justin said. “He didn’t molest me. I knew what I was doing.”

“You didn’t know what you were getting into,” Joey said.

“None of us did,” Justin said. “Did you?”

“Hell, no,” Joey admitted. “If I’d known, I would’ve done everything differently.”

“I wouldn’t have given him the upper hand,” Lance said.

“I wouldn’t change a thing,” Chris said. “If I hadn’t gone through everything I went through, I wouldn’t love Brian as much as I do today. I can’t skip one step.”

“I don’t know,” JC said, leaning against the counter. “God, I was so infatuated with him in the beginning.”

“In the beginning?” Joey repeated.

“Nick was the most luxuriously erotic thing I’d ever seen,” JC said.

“What are you talking about?” Justin asked.

“I was so in love,” JC said. “So in love, so early.”

“Why are you so obsessed with him?” Joey asked. “He’s just Nick.”