"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part thirty-three...

“Where do you want to sit?” Nick asked, wandering down the hallway.

“You’re loving this,” Ashley realized.

“Loving what?” Nick asked, grinning at Ashley over his shoulder before walking into the den.

“You know you’re torturing me,” Ashley said. “You - - you made me beg you, and then you made me drive the whole way over here, and now you want to talk?”

“I’ll let you sit in my lap,” Nick said.

“I don’t want to sit in your lap,” Ashley said.

“You sure about that?” Nick asked, taking a seat on the sofa. With a teasing smile, he held out both hands. “You don’t want to try it?”

The invitation to come into close physical contact was too much to resist. Simply taking hold of Nick’s hands sent a rush of warmth through Ashley’s body, warmth that only increased as he knelt astride Nick’s thighs. Nick slouched down, guiding his hips forward until their bodies met. Ashley braced his hands behind Nick’s head on the back of the sofa while Nick made a satisfied noise and smiled at him. “You feel good,” Nick said.

“You feel,” oh, god, “fantastic,” Ashley breathed, sucking in air as his hips gave in to temptation and thrust gently against Nick.

“Slow down, Angel,” Nick murmured, spreading his fingers across Ashley’s thighs. “Lift your shirt for me.” Ashley’s hands immediately went to the hem of his shirt. “Don’t take it off,” Nick added. His smile was charming. “Just show me your nipples.”

It was a tantalizing request, bold in its specificity. Keeping his hips still under the weight of Nick’s hands, Ashley lifted his shirt. Feeling uniquely spotlighted, on display, but oddly trusting Nick not to have ill intentions, he exposed his nipples.

Nick’s hands rose a few inches, sliding up the backs of Ashley’s thighs to cup Ashley’s ass, as he lifted his chin, tongue snaking out to lick over Ashley’s left nipple. Moaning, Ashley felt his back arch, his eyes closing as Nick’s lips closed over the erect nub.

“Tell me to suck it,” Nick whispered, breath hot against his skin.

Shuddering, Ashley found his voice. “Suck it,” he whispered, new heat stiffening his dick. Nick’s mouth fastened over his other nipple and he groaned, barely keeping his hips still. “Suck it,” he said again, louder this time, meaning it, wanting it. Good, it felt good, Nick’s mouth, his own daring.

Nick gave him a last, soft lick and tugged his shirt down. Now empty-handed, Ashley opened his eyes, sliding his fingers through Nick’s hair. Nick’s eyes gazed up at him, lusting and waiting, wet lips parted. Ashley drew his fingers down Nick’s cheeks, watching Nick’s eyes close, slipping his fingertips across Nick’s mouth, panting softly when Nick’s tongue licked out at him. “You’ve turned me inside-out and upside-down,” Ashley whispered. Blue eyes opened, hot and knowing. “You’ve taught me things about myself that no one should know.” Nick’s hands slid up over Ashley’s chest, drawing him in, pulling him down. “You’ve made me want things I can never have,” Ashley whispered against the softness of Nick’s lips. “You’ve created needs I can’t escape.”

“I know,” Nick whispered, lashes lowering. His kiss deepened gradually, the tender flirtation of his tongue making it impossible for Ashley to resist. “You’re going to love me for it.”

Chris kissed down the center of Brian’s chest, running his hands greedily up Brian’s thighs, spreading Brian’s legs. Affectionate fingers slid through his hair, tugging lightly as Brian moaned. “Oh…ah, mmm…Chris…”

“Say my name,” Chris said, raising his head and looking into Brian’s glowing, flushed face. “Say it again.”

“Chris,” Brian moaned, and kissed him, rolling them over, hard against his stomach. “Mmm, Chris, Chris…” Brian’s kiss intensified, becoming hungrier as Chris rolled them back, grinding against him. “Chris,” Brian panted. He licked sweat from Chris’s upper lip. “Do it to me.”

Chris kissed him, chest to chest and groin to groin and snug between his thighs, wrapped in his arms and willing to do anything he asked. “Whatever you want,” Chris promised.

“Do it to me,” Brian repeated, and the desire in his eyes, the longing, told Chris exactly what he wanted. “Do it like you did that night. When you were in love with me and everything was perfect and I was yours and only yours forever.”

Chris swallowed against the sudden stab of pain, lowering his forehead to Brian’s and closing his eyes.

“Make love to me like you did then,” Brian whispered. His gentle caress was breaking Chris’s heart. “I want to be yours again. I want it to be like we never left.”

Working independently of Chris’s brain, one hand strayed down Brian’s naked side, stroking silk-smooth skin. That night…

“Love me,” Brian whispered. “I want you to love me, Chris. I want you to make me yours.”

Lifting his head, Chris opened his eyes. It was never going to be the way it once had been. He was never going to get that back. What Brian was asking him to recreate…

Brian’s eyes were filled with love, with yearning. Sweat had curled his hair onto his forehead, and Chris touched his cheek with trembling fingers. “I love you,” Brian whispered. His naked body was right there for the taking, right there. “Make me yours.”

Ashley was on his back on Nick’s sofa, both wrists caught over his head in Nick’s hand, shirt bunched up under his arms, leg trapped between Nick’s thighs. He wasn’t exactly helpless under Nick’s hold, but he wasn’t putting up much of a fight, either. Mostly, he was moaning and begging and aching.

“I can’t fuck you,” Nick explained between licks to Ashley’s right nipple. “We’re supposed to be talking.”

“I hate you,” Ashley said, twisting with frustration, trying to get a good angle to grind against Nick’s thigh.

“You always taste so damned good,” Nick said, ignoring him. “And you know how good you look.”

“Just fuck me,” Ashley groaned. Joey never made him wait for it like this.

“So beautiful,” Nick murmured, licking a wandering path up his neck. “So beautiful. Just like an angel. A real, live, fallen to earth, angel.” Soft sucking made Ashley moan. “So beautiful. I’ve never seen anybody look so perfectly beautiful.” While Nick’s tongue licked behind Ashley’s earlobe, his hand slid down Ashley’s stomach, circling his navel. “I never thought anyone as beautiful as you existed. But here you are. My beautiful angel, fallen right out of heaven and into my bed.”

Ashley was panting for breath, overwhelmed by Nick’s voice so close, Nick’s face so close, filling his senses, all he could hear and see and smell, Nick and desire and seduction. “Tell me,” he licked his lips, hooking his free leg over Nick’s hip as Nick’s hand caressed below his navel. “Tell me you want me.”

Nick chuckled, low and dirty, and kissed his cheek. “You’re learning.” Nick’s smile was wicked. “Do something for me, Angel.” His hand slid warmly back up Ashley’s chest, thumb flicking an already sensitive nipple, making Ashley’s muscles tense.

“What do you want?” Ashley asked, unable to control his own breathing.

“I’m not going to fuck you until we talk, but we can’t talk until you get off at least once.”

“I think,” Ashley drew in more air, “that you can figure out a way,” god, “to take care of that.” He shivered. “And stop touching my nipples.”

Nick rubbed his thumb over the left one again. “Why?”

“Because I said so.”

Nick grinned, lowering his head and sucking at the right one. “Why?”

Ashley twisted with uncomfortable need. “You’re making them too sensitive.”

Nick’s tongue looked almost as scandalously delicious as it felt. “You don’t like that?”

“I love it now, but they’ll be sore later.”

Nick’s teeth were dangerous sexual tools. “You don’t think it’s worth it?”

It was absolutely worth it. “What the hell do you want?”

“Aw…” Nick nuzzled him, kissing him chastely. “Are you suffering?”

“Yes!” Ashley pulled his hands free and gripped the front of Nick’s shirt, kissing Nick desperately. Moaning at the slide of Nick’s hot tongue, Ashley immediately relented, letting Nick take over. Nick’s hands slid warmly over his ribcage, and for a moment Ashley let himself believe that the torture was over.

Then Nick broke their kiss and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk first?”

With an infuriated shout, Ashley shoved Nick off of him and left the sofa. “Fine!” he exclaimed. “Let’s talk!”

Nick grinned at him, sitting back, relaxed as ever. “Okay.”

Ashley didn’t know how Joey put up with Nick. He also didn’t know why Joey would risk letting Nick get away. “Are we going to have sex before I leave this house?”

“Sure,” Nick said.

Ashley didn’t know what good it would do, but, “Do you promise?”

Nick crossed his heart with an endearing smile. “I promise.”

Ashley gave in. “Okay,” he said, and sat on the floor, away from Nick. “What do you want to talk about?”

The music wasn’t loud enough. The bass wasn’t hitting hard enough. Justin kicked the sofa in frustration, sending it skidding into the wall. AJ jerked him back around, he shoved AJ in the chest with both hands, and a second later he was on the floor, pinned down and panting. “Is this what you want?” AJ asked. “You want to hit somebody? You want to fight?”

“No,” Justin said. He didn’t, he honestly didn’t. He wanted to lash out, but he didn’t want a fight, he didn’t want to hurt anyone, he didn’t want to be hurt anymore.

“You want me to fuck you?” AJ asked.

“Don’t,” Justin said immediately.

AJ’s eyes narrowed. “You want it.”

“Let go of me,” Justin said, twisting free. AJ let him sit up, turning off the music. The silence bothered Justin; he avoided AJ’s eyes. “You just had sex with Joey. I’m not having sex with you the second he’s out of the room, and excuse me if I don’t like the idea of you taking your dick out of his ass and sticking it into mine.”

“If you want it, we can do it,” AJ said. “You know I’m good for it.”

“How’s Kevin?” Justin had to look at AJ now, had to search AJ’s expression for clues. “What did he say about me?”

“Kevin doesn’t talk about you,” AJ said.

“You and Kevin went to talk to Brian,” Justin said. “Why? What happened? What did he say What did you talk about?”

“That’s our business,” AJ said. “If it was about you, we would have invited you.”

“Is he mad?” Justin asked. “Is he mad at me for what I did?”

“Brian’s mad,” AJ said.

Justin jerked back, staring at AJ. No. Not Brian. He swallowed. “What did he say?” He put his hand on AJ’s arm. “What did he say to Kevin?”

“Why do you care what Brian thinks?” AJ asked.

“I don’t,” Justin said, withdrawing his hand.

AJ’s gaze was too focused. Justin didn’t like it. “What’s wrong with you?” AJ asked suspiciously.

“I hate you,” Justin said, frustrated and vulnerable. “I hate you! I hate everything about this! Leave me the fuck alone!”

“Damn it, get back here,” AJ snapped, pulling him back when he tried to rise. “Damn you,” AJ muttered, taking Justin’s chin in hand. “I don’t have the patience to deal with this. Don’t think that just because you’re cute, I’ll be nice to you.”

Cute? Startled, Justin stared at AJ, slightly alarmed.

AJ kissed him, then kissed him again. “Stop acting like a scared, guilty kid and grow up.” He released Justin’s chin with another kiss. “Tell me what happened. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Justin said, unsettled.

“Brian told me he talked to you,” AJ said. “He got inside your head?”

“He saw me,” Justin said.

“And that freaked you out,” AJ said. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just Brian. He’s harmless. He told me what he said to you, and it’s nothing Howie or Nick or I couldn’t have said. He’s just mad that you messed with Jacob.”

Justin frowned. “Are you comforting me?”

“Hell, if we can’t fuck or dance, I have to do something. What else has you spooked?”

“You have to talk to Kevin for me,” Justin said. “You have to tell him-”

“Why?” AJ asked.

“So he knows-”

“Why?” AJ asked. “Why do you want to draw his attention back to you? Why do you want to drag him back into your life? Do you really think you’re better off with him?”

“I love Kevin,” Justin said, prepared to launch into a twenty-minute speech on the subject.

“I know that you love him,” AJ said. “But you’ve been doing okay without him.”

“I strangled Jacob!” Justin protested.

“Right,” AJ said. “You’ve gone through this before, haven’t you? Withdrawal? You went through this last time. But you got over it, you got better, you started to figure yourself out again. Now he’s thrown you right back down that spiral again, and you’re working your way back out. You can climb back up, you know that, don’t you?”

“I don’t know that,” Justin said.

“He let you go,” AJ said. “He dropped you. This is your chance to get over him and get your life together again. And you want to invite him back in?”

“I can’t do this without him,” Justin said, his voice hard, his eyes intense. “I can’t last without Kevin. I need him.”

“You really think you can’t pull yourself together again?” AJ asked.

“Not without him,” Justin said.

“Not with him,” AJ said.

“It’s better with him,” Justin said.

“What about your friends?” AJ asked. “JC, Chris, Lance, Joey? Dan? They’re worth shit? They can’t help you out? Five people dragging you back up can’t outdo one person dragging you down?”

“Kevin doesn’t drag me down,” Justin said.

“Then what do you call it?” AJ asked.

Justin didn’t have an answer for that.

Chris had just spilled a month’s worth of semen and possibly pulled a muscle in his right leg, but he didn’t regret a second of it. Brian was happy, bright and alive and sparkly. He hugged Brian close, and Brian rubbed noses with him, and when Brian laughed, he laughed, too.

“Remember the first time we made love?” Brian asked. “I loved you so much, and you’d never been with a man before.”

“We were both scared,” Chris said. He’d been someone else then, someone different, but he’d still been incapable of walking away from Brian. “You didn’t want pity sex, and I didn’t want you to think that I was doing it out of pity. We had a fight, right there.”

“I loved you so much, I wanted to be with you,” Brian said. “I had to be with you. But I didn’t want to make you do anything you didn’t want to do.” He stroked Chris’s nose. “I still can’t believe you did that for me.”

“I loved you,” Chris said, rubbing Brian’s hip with the flat of his hand. The love shining from Brian’s eyes made it easy to say anything. “I wanted to be with you. I didn’t know what that meant, I didn’t know if that made me gay, I just knew that I was willing to do anything for you.”

“You felt so good inside me,” Brian murmured, kissing him slowly, sighing softly with desire. “I’d never felt anything so right.” Brian laughed suddenly, eyes sparkling. “I came too fast, remember? It felt so good I came early, and then I was worried about what you’d think.”

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Chris said. “I was so scared, I was like a virgin again, I was so worried about making it good for you I didn’t know what was going on.”

“You did everything just right,” Brian said, stroking his hair. A teasing smile graced Brian’s lips. “You remember the first time I gave you head?”

As if he could ever forget. “We were both so confused and so frustrated.”

“You were hurting,” Brian said softly, caressing his sideburn and kissing him gently, as if to make his old pain go away.

“You were hurting,” Chris said.

“I loved you so much, and everything was going so wrong,” Brian said. “I wanted you so much and you didn’t want me but I just couldn’t make it stop.”

“We were both so miserable.”

“You let me do it, though,” Brian said, rubbing his thumb over the hair on Chris’s chin.

“I couldn’t say no to you,” Chris said, stroking Brian’s cheekbone. “It wasn’t the same, but I loved you, too.”

“I know you did,” Brian said, gazing into his eyes. “You were good to me, Chris. I put you in an impossible situation and you never pushed me away.”

“I tried to push you away,” Chris said. It was inconceivable, now. “I just loved you too much to let you get too far.”

Brian smiled and kissed him.

“Do you remember the first time you kissed me?” Chris asked, sliding his fingers into Brian’s hair.

Brian touched his mouth. “The first time we kissed, or the first time I kissed you?”

“The first time you kissed me,” Chris said.

“I remember,” Brian said. “It was before I told you I loved you, but after I told you I was gay. We were wrestling, we were fighting over a Pez dispenser, and right when you finally got your hand on it, I kissed you.”

It seemed like lifetimes ago. “I’ve thought about it a million times since then,” Chris said. “The very first time you kissed me. You were half under me, and my hand was on your thigh.”

“Halfway up the leg of my shorts,” Brian said. He grinned. “Were you trying to tell me something?”

Chris kissed him, unable to bear the thought that the first time Brian had kissed him, he’d refused Brian’s love. “When you pulled back, I think time stopped for a minute.”

Brian made an affectionate sound and kissed him again. “Time always stops whenever we’re together.”

“I love you,” Chris said, kissing Brian’s mouth, Brian’s cheek, Brian’s jaw. “I love you now and I should have loved you then. I did love you then, I just didn’t realize how much.”

“I love you, too,” Brian said, stroking his cheek. “The love we share now makes up for all of the pain we ever caused each other. We were confused, we were scared, we were figuring each other out. But the way we love each other now…” Brian’s kiss was slow and deep. Chris didn’t want to let it end. “We got past that,” Brian said. “We got through that and then everything was good. So good.” He kissed Chris gently. “We had so many good times.”

“We were happy together,” Chris whispered.

“I was never happier than when I was with you,” Brian said.

“I never loved anyone as much as I loved you,” Chris said.

Brian kissed him. “Chris…” Brian’s fingers drifted down his chest. “I never stopped loving you. You know through everything I still loved you. You’re the first thought I have when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep at night. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone.”

Chris didn’t have anything new to say, but what he did say, he said fervently, with all of his heart. “You’re all I think about. You’re all I dream about. I love you, Brian, and there will never be anyone else in my life who makes me live and die like you. You’re all there is to my life. You’re the only thing that keeps my heart beating. I love you so much I can’t breathe without you.”

“We made each other so many promises,” Brian said. “Do you remember them?”

“Every single one,” Chris said without hesitation.

“I remember them, too,” Brian said. “In my heart, I still keep each one.” He pressed Chris’s hand to his heart, placing his own hand over it. “In here, they’re all true, and they’re real, and I live by them. I live for you, Chris. No matter how many days we’re apart, I will always love you with all of my heart.”

Chris couldn’t breathe. “You know that’s what I want,” he whispered, crumbling inside.

“Then let me give it to you,” Brian whispered, and kissed him.

Nick settled onto his stomach on the sofa, while Ashley rolled onto his back on the floor, almost perpendicular to the couch. Nick reached out one long arm to poke at Ashley’s forehead; Ashley caught Nick’s hand, fending off the annoyance. “Talk to me,” Nick said.

“Talk to you about what?” Ashley asked, tangling their fingers.

“About yesterday,” Nick said.

“We already talked about yesterday,” Ashley said.

“Not enough,” Nick said, lightly tugging at Ashley’s fingers.

“We already had this conversation!” Was Nick actually putting him through this? “Are you serious? This is really what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yes,” Nick said. “Talk to me about yesterday.”

“Okay,” Ashley said, letting go of Nick’s hand, deciding to humor him. “What else am I supposed to say?”

Nick tapped him on the nose. “Tell me how you feel.”

“About yesterday?” Ashley said. “I’m relieved that Jacob’s okay.” Nick seemed to want him to say something specific, but Ashley didn’t know what that was.

“You were worried that he wasn’t going to be okay?” Nick asked.

“Well, yeah,” Ashley said. “Things could have been… It could have been really bad.”

“It must have been a pretty crazy couple of minutes,” Nick said.

“It was complete chaos,” Ashley said. “It’s like a blur in my head now.”

“What do you remember?” Nick asked, touching his hairline.

“Panicking,” Ashley said. “I was panicking, the other guys were panicking, we were all freaking out and trying to break it up but Justin had this grip on Jacob and he just wouldn’t let go. It was like he was so out of his mind he had super strength.”

“You love Jacob,” Nick said.

“Of course I love him,” Ashley said.

Nick stroked across his forehead. “You want me to cuddle you up and let you cry?”

“What?” Ashley asked, tilting his head back and glaring at Nick upside-down.

“I figure that’s what Joey would do,” Nick said. “He thinks you’re a girl anyway. You’re freaked, you got scared, your best friend was almost murdered right in front of you, you might need a hug or something.”

“It was a fight that got out of hand,” Ashley said. “Jacob’s fine, he’s back to normal.”

“What about Justin?” Nick asked. “You afraid he’s going to do it again?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Ashley said. “I’m worried about him. If he’s that close to losing it, he needs help. I know that’s what Joey’s doing right now, but is that going to be enough?”

“What about AJ?” Nick asked.

“AJ?” Ashley asked, looking at the ceiling.

“AJ,” Nick repeated, fingers stroking through his hair. “You afraid of him.”

“I’m not afraid of AJ,” Ashley said firmly.

“Yes, you are,” Nick said. “It freaks you out that Justin’s this messed up, and it freaks you out that AJ keeps beating up your friends.”

“He hasn’t beat up any of my friends,” Ashley said. “He hit Dan for trying to protect Justin, he fought with Trevor for protecting me, he fought Jacob for daring to say something bad about his ex-boyfriend. It sounds like he’s just a bully to me.”

Nick’s touch was gentle. His voice was soft and understanding. “I’m sorry, Angel.”

Ashley swallowed. Taunting, smug rudeness he could handle. Teasing and bickering were fine. When Nick was too nice to him, that got inside his vulnerable places. “For what?” he asked, making himself sound calm.

“For what happened yesterday,” Nick said, stroking his hairline. “That you got freaked out. That Jacob got hurt.”

“You don’t care about Jacob,” Ashley said, reminding himself a little too late of Nick’s antagonistic role in his life.

“You do,” Nick said.

“You don’t care about me,” Ashley said, displacing Nick’s hand by rolling over and rising onto his knees, looking directly at Nick to force the truth.

“I love Joey,” Nick said, pushing himself up, looking right back at him. “He cares about you.”

Joey was in love with him. But Ashley wasn’t ready to play that card. Not yet. “You to Joey to me to Jacob is a pretty long line.”

“You’re right, I don’t give a shit about Jacob,” Nick admitted, sitting back. “Joey asked me to make sure you were okay, and that’s what I’m doing. You’re not used to dealing with AJ, Justin just choked your best friend, maybe you’re a little shaken up about it, I’m just making sure you’re handling it. Are you handling it?”

“Yes,” Ashley said. “I’m not a girl and I’m not a child. As long as Jacob’s fine, I’m fine.”

“You’re over it?” Nick asked.

“I’m over it,” Ashley said, moving off of his knees to sit there on the floor. He was worried about Justin, but he’d rather talk about that with Joey.

“Good.” Nick said, stretching his arms along the back of the sofa. He tapped his fingers. He smiled. “You want to get naked?”

“Remember the look on AJ’s face?” Brian asked, laughing.

“Joey was so pissed at us,” Chris said. “He was so mad. He chased us halfway down the road!”

“Dripping the whole way.” Brian burst into fresh laughter. “AJ didn’t answer my calls for three days, but it was worth it.”

“Remember the time we snuck into JC’s bathroom?” Chris asked. He loved making Brian laugh, and he loved the happiness in Brian’s eyes, and he loved having Brian in his arms again and feeling Brian laugh against his body. If Brian wanted to remember the good times, then Chris would oblige. They really had been very happy together for the majority of their relationship.

“They didn’t come into the bathroom for hours,” Brian said, laughing at the memory. “They started having sex the minute they came in, I think they came through the door having sex, and we were in there for hours, waiting for them to get out of bed and notice us.”

“I think we played Count the Shower Tiles eighty-five times,” Chris said.

“Eighty-seven,” Brian said, pinching him with a teasing smile.

Chris laughed, remembering. “The first two didn’t count in the overall competition because the rules hadn’t been properly established.”

“All eighty-seven games count,” Brian said. “It’s not my fault that you kept changing the rules.”

“Who won the Hide the Soap championship?” Chris asked, grinning.

“Like you don’t remember,” Brian said, laughing.

“What I remember is where the soap was when Nick walked in and found us,” Chris said.

Brian rolled on top of him and then across to his other side, laughing. His teeth were white and his eyes were crinkling and making Brian happy was Chris’s favorite pastime. “He asked us if we wanted to borrow one of JC’s guest rooms.”

“And I told him we were fine right where we were,” Chris said.

“JC was so embarrassed,” Brian said, eyes sparkling.

“He should have been,” Chris said. “The way he moans during sex is scandalous.”

Brian kissed Chris’s nose, stroking his eyebrows. “I like the noises you make during sex.”

“Well, thank you,” Chris said, ignoring his own blush. “I love the way you moan.”

Brian kissed his mouth this time, ruffling his eyebrows the wrong way and smoothing them back again. “You want to play Hide the Soap again?”

“Now?” Chris asked. “We don’t have any soap.”

Brian kissed his ear, hands wandering down into interesting locations, and whispered, teasing, “I don’t think we need it.”

“Mmm… Mmm, yeah, Angel, that’s it… You feel so good…” Nick’s dick slid in deeper, and the increased fullness combined with Nick’s hot groan combined with Nick’s hands tightening on his hips made Ashley moan, digging his fingers into Nick’s back and struggling to breathe evenly. “Oh, yeah,” Nick moaned, picking up the pace, fucking in deep, rocking in steadily. “Tell me how good it feels, Angel, tell me how good I make it for you.”

Ashley groaned, both hands slipping up to the back of Nick’s neck to pull Nick down to his mouth. Nick kissed him lightly, licking at his tongue, and Ashley confessed to the ecstasy pumping through his body in shaky gasps and shaken moans. He kept his eyes closed and his mouth available to Nick’s tongue; it was easier to endure the uninhibited passion that Nick visited upon his body while receiving the sex of Nick’s kiss than it was to suffer through it while pinned by that searing hot, utterly focused, blue-eyed gaze. Nick’s stare was too powerful, too sexual, too probing. It saw more of Ashley than he was willing to expose.

“Five times,” Lance said.

“Twice,” Joey said.

“Five,” Lance said. “Once in Germany-”

“Twice in Germany,” JC said.

“You’re thinking of Switzerland,” Joey said.

“I know the difference between Switzerland and Germany,” Lance said.

“I know, but-”

JC’s phone rang, and everyone fell silent. Lance watched, still but alert, as JC checked the number. When JC self-consciously touched his hair and glanced at Lance, Lance knew.

“It’s okay,” Lance said. He made himself stay calm. “Answer it.”

JC put the phone to his ear. “This is JC.”

“It was twice,” Joey said.

“It was five times,” Lance said, but he didn’t look away from JC.

“Now’s not a good time,” JC said. He winced. “I know that, but… I know that - - D., I understand that more than anybody but…”

Lance narrowed his eyes, inhaling slowly. Tension crept into his shoulders and built along his spine.

“Yeah,” JC said. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll be there. Okay.” He smiled uneasily. “Bye.”

“What’d he want?” Joey asked.

“He,” JC tucked his phone away and looked at Joey first, then Lance. “He wants me to come over. To see Erik-Michael.”

“Sure,” Lance said. “Go ahead.”

“I can call him back and cancel,” JC said. “He can handle Erik by himself.”

“No,” Lance said. His voice sounded too calm, even to his own ears. “You told him that you’d be there, so you should go. Joey and I can just hang out here in case Justin calls.”

“Call me,” JC said. “If he comes back or if he needs anything.”

“We will,” Joey said. “Go take care of Estrada.”

JC rose, tugging his pants into place. He looked gorgeous and Howie was going to fuck him and Lance…didn’t like that. “I’ll be back,” JC said. “As soon as I can get out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lance said. He felt unnaturally still. Unnaturally calm.

“All right.” JC tried to smile, and left.

“It’s okay,” Joey said.

“Yeah,” Lance said. “It’s fine.”

Fresh from Brian’s shower, Chris put on the pajama bottoms Brian had left out for him. He could smell chicken cooking and he could hear Brian singing in the kitchen, and for a minute, he closed his eyes and memorized the moment, memorized the day. He didn’t ever want to forget being with Brian again, the love and the intimacy and the desire and the perfection.

Shrugging into the pajama top and then crossing over to where his pants lay crumpled on the floor, Chris searched his pockets. He’d started leaving things around Brian’s house. Items, knickknacks, little gifts. He never said anything about them; his only clue that Brian had noticed their existence was that sometimes they moved from one visit to the next. Moving with quick caution, keeping track of Brian’s voice to make sure that Brian stayed in the kitchen, he set a silver link bracelet on top of Brian’s dresser and slipped into the hallway. He left a small bronze statue on a tabletop beside a small glass bowl and continued on to the kitchen.

The gifts were a way of paying tribute to Brian. A way of thanking Brian for this chance to spend time together again. A way of having some kind of an impact on Brian’s environment.

Brian was singing more softly to himself when Chris walked in, checking the burners and laying out the silverware. Spotting Chris, he smiled, leaning back against the counter and tugging Chris against his body. Chris kissed his mouth, fitting easily into his embrace, resting familiarly against his chest. “You’re clean,” Brian murmured, stroking Chris’s sideburn with an index finger while he gazed warmly at Chris’s mouth.

“Squeaky,” Chris agreed softly, sliding his hands under Brian’s shirt, then down over Brian’s ass.

“You smell good,” Brian whispered, kissing one corner of his mouth, then the other.

“It’s your soap,” Chris said, his voice soft to match Brian’s, his hands slowly, gently admiring Brian’s body while his eyes gazed at Brian’s mouth. Making love, being loved, being happy, gave Brian a wonderful glow that Chris couldn’t look away from.

“Then I smell good,” Brian said, and laughed softly, kissing Chris. His hands rubbed up over Chris’s chest in the brief space between their bodies. “You look good in my clothes.”

“You’d look good out of them,” Chris murmured, kissing him. Brian tugged lightly at his nipple and he firmed his grip on Brian’s ass, bringing Brian’s pelvis more tightly against his body.

“Have you kept track?” Brian asked, his voice low and breathless, his hands braced on Chris’s ribcage.

“I’m ahead,” Chris said, sliding his hands up Brian’s back. “It’s your turn to make love to me again.”

Brian’s kiss was a slow series of soft teases. “Can we eat first?”

“I’ll think about it,” Chris said, kissing a slow, sucking trail down to Brian’s neck.

“Mmm.” Brian tugged on the open collar of Chris’s unbuttoned shirt, turning his face aside to give Chris access to his neck, then rubbing his cheek against Chris’s hair. “Is this thinking?”

Chris pushed Brian’s pants down an inch, baring skin to his touch. “Yes,” he said, kissing up to Brian’s ear.

Brian moaned softly, licking his ear in return. “Think harder.”

Howie opened his front door and let JC inside. “How’s Justin?” he asked, taking JC’s hand and pressing a kiss to JC’s cheek.

“He’s with AJ,” JC said, pulling aside sharply, “so he’s probably in either physical or emotional danger.”

JC wanted to fight. Howie didn’t enjoy overt hostility, but he could handle JC. “Is anything wrong? I really wanted to talk to you, to make sure that you were all right and Justin was okay, but you didn’t answer your phone-”

“So you called Lance’s house?!” JC demanded. “You called Lance and left a message for me! Are you trying to cause problems between us?”

“Problems?” Howie repeated in confusion, frowning. “I-”

“Don’t act innocent,” JC said. “I’m tired of being manipulated. I’m tired of being lied to! I’m tired of not being able to trust the person I’m in bed with!”

“If this is about Nick-”

“You lied to me!” JC shouted.

Howie tensed at the accusation. “I’ve never-”

“I asked you who gave you that ring,” JC said. “That ring right there on your finger, I asked you who gave it to you, and you acted like you couldn’t remember, like maybe it was from one of the Boys, like maybe it was a Christmas present. It wasn’t a fucking Christmas present!”

“If you-”

“It’s from Lance!” JC shouted. “That ring’s from Lance, that watch is from Lance, every piece of jewelry that you own is from Lance!”

Howie stared in disbelief at that ridiculous idea.

“It wasn’t a Christmas present,” JC said. “After what you did to him, after the way you humiliated him, after you betrayed him that Christmas, he would never have given you anything like that!”

“JC,” Howie said. “What are you talking about?” He shook his head, trying to make sense of it. “Lance gave me every piece of jewelry I own?”

“He told me,” JC said, “he-”

Howie frowned. “Lance told you that?” He paused, confused. “He actually told you that he gave me every - - every piece?”

“Yes,” JC said. His voice was firm, his glare was hard, but he was starting to wonder.

“JC,” Howie said. “Come with me. You’ve already seen this, but come on.” He took a few steps down the hallway; JC balked. “Come on,” he repeated, and led the way back to his bedroom. JC trailed along behind him reluctantly. “Now, look at this,” Howie said, and opened a drawer. He took out box after box, lined jewelry cases, setting them out before JC’s eyes. “I don’t wear all of this all of the time, but look at it. Do you honestly believe that all of this came from one person? Are you telling me that Lance gave me every single piece?” Howie never dripped with diamonds, but he had an array more than appropriate for his level of success.

Doubt was written on JC’s face. “He could have,” he said.

“JC, I don’t know how much money you spent on Nick,” Howie said, “but I know how much Lance spent on me. I know what he gave me, and I know what he didn’t give me, and he didn’t give me all of this. Why would he have given me everything I own? That doesn’t make sense. I had a life before Lance, and I’ve had a life after him.” Howie watched JC, waiting.

“No,” JC said. He shook his head at the glittering display before him, and looked at Howie. “No. You’re lying to me. I don’t know why, but you’re lying. I can’t figure you out, and I don’t want to try anymore.”

“Why would I lie to you?” Howie asked. “Why would I lie about this?”

“I don’t know why you’d lie,” JC said, “but I’m not doing this anymore. I was already trapped in this before, being lied to and being used and being manipulated, and that was with someone I love. I’m not going through it all over again with someone I don’t love, with someone I don’t even give a fuck about.”

Howie followed JC as he stormed back towards the front door. “Someone you don’t give a fuck about?” he repeated. “Someone you don’t give a fuck about?!” He grabbed JC’s arm, jerking JC around to face him in the foyer. “Someone you don’t give a fuck about?!”

JC stared at him, pulling away, furious and shocked.

Enraged, Howie grabbed JC’s arm again. “Don’t pretend that you don’t feel anything for me. Don’t accuse me of lying to your face and then lie to mine! I’ve shared more than my plans with you, JC, I’ve shared my bed and my life and my - - what the hell has all of this been? What have you been doing for all of these weeks?”

“It’s a game!” JC protested. He still looked stunned, like he hadn’t expected this reaction and wasn’t sure how to respond to it. “None of this is real!”

“This isn’t real to you?!” Howie demanded, pressing JC’s hand to his chest. “I’m not real to you? The time we spent in L.A. wasn’t real to you? Everything we’ve done and shared and talked about meant nothing to you?”

“I know you don’t mean this,” JC said, trying to draw back. “I know you don’t mean any of it.”

“I mean everything!” Howie shouted, impassioned. “I meant all of it! I thought you did, too, I thought that at least some of it meant something to you. Our partnership, we were building something, we were - - was that all about Erik? Was that all a game to you? I was making love to you and you were playing games?!”

JC pulled away, yanking free and stepping back, speechless, shocked around the eyes.

“Is this the problem?!” Howie thrust his hand towards JC, shoving the ring in front of JC’s face. “Is that it?!” JC moved back again, unspeaking, wide-eyed. “If that’s it, then fuck it!” Howie tore the ring from his hand, throwing it to the floor at JC’s feet. “Take it! Take all of it!” he shouted, ripping the watch from his wrist and throwing it down. “Is that good enough?!” he yelled. “Am I real yet?!” Howie glared at JC, his chest heaving with passionate breath, his body primed to fight.

JC looked like he didn’t know what to believe anymore, or even what to think.

“What are you really accusing me of?” Howie demanded. “You’re accusing me of lying to you? You’re accusing me of flaunting my former lovers? I had a life before you, JC, just like you had a life before me. You’re upset that I’m wearing a ring that may or may not have come from another man? The fact that I don’t remember who gave it to me should tell you that I haven’t formed any great sentimental attachment to it!”

“We’re not talking about just any old boyfriend,” JC said. “We’re talking about Lance, my best friend who you-”

“Don’t!” Howie sucked in a deliberate breath, shaking his head. “Don’t you dare, JC. Your body,” he said tightly, “is permanently marked with the symbol of your former lover, and I have never said a word about it. Do you think that it’s easy for me? You’re a gorgeous man, JC, and you have a beautiful body, but I can’t make love to you without seeing that damned tattoo. Tattoo! And you don’t like the way I accessorize?!”

JC looked furious that Howie would dare to bring that up. “You have no right to throw that in my face! You did the same thing to Lance that Nick did to me, so don’t you-”

“What about that piercing?” Howie asked. “Just what Nick wanted, where he wanted it, his birthstone - - I’m the one making love to you! I’m the one who couldn’t make love to you while you were waiting for it to heal!”

“It was my choice,” JC said, “and I can pierce whatever I want without asking for your permission. You’re not going to make this argument about my piercing and my tattoo when it’s really about you and nothing you say matching anything in reality.”

“I haven’t opened up to you and shared with you and built this relationship, this partnership, with you, to be accused of lying to you,” Howie said. “I thought that we were in this together. I thought that we wanted the same things.” He shook his head, betrayed, disgusted. “I thought you felt what I felt, but the only person you ever felt anything for was yourself.”

“This isn’t about me!” JC argued.

“It’s not about us, either,” Howie said, stepping back. “According to you, there never was an us.” He reached for the doorknob, opening the door and taking a step out.

“You’re going to walk out of your own house?” JC demanded.

“I really don’t want to be near you right now,” Howie said, “and I don’t want to be anywhere you’ve been.”

“What about your anonymously donated jewelry?” JC asked, stepping aside and deliberately nudging at Howie’s watch with the toe of his sneaker, giving Howie a challenging look.

“Keep it,” Howie said. “I don’t give a fuck about it,” he added, and left, slamming the door.

Justin didn’t want to talk about Jacob or Brian anymore; he’d talked it over too many times already, in addition to rehashing the events in his mind. He wanted to get his thoughts onto something else, or maybe off of everything entirely. To that end, he cut his conversation with AJ short, encouraging AJ to turn the music back on.

This time, he let go more easily, closing his eyes, feeling the music, feeling AJ. He pushed away his fears, his worries, his consuming need for Kevin, and let the music wash through him, let the beat take him, let AJ’s body thrust and grind and undulate against him, let AJ’s hands encourage and control his movement. He didn’t want to worry about his own lack of self-control, didn’t want to think about what Kevin thought of what had happened or if Kevin thought of him at all, didn’t want to have one damned thought in his head.

He gave himself over to the music and to AJ and just…danced.

Soft lips brushed his neck; Nick nuzzled behind his ear, making him smile and even squirm a little. “I know you’re not asleep,” Nick said, soft and teasing.

“I’m thinking,” Ashley said, opening his eyes.

“About what?” Nick asked, wrapping an arm around his waist and bringing him close, rolling until Ashley was on top of him.

“I like having sex with you,” Ashley said, resting his elbows on the pillow under Nick’s head, framing Nick’s face.

“Yeah?” Nick asked, stroking his back and then smacking his ass.

Ashley laughed. “Yeah.”

A mischievous glint appeared in Nick’s eyes. “You know how to ride?”

“Ride?” Ashley asked. “Horses?”

Nick grinned. “Men. Dick. Does Joey ever let you sit on top while he’s fucking you?”

Oh. “I haven’t, yet. I’m sure we’ll get around to it.”

Nick’s fingers traced the cleft of his ass, which made him squirm again. “You want to learn?”

Riding Nick’s dick? It sounded fantastic. Ashley grinned. “Absolutely.”

“Good Angel,” Nick said, and kissed him. “Sit up.” Ashley did, and Nick pushed and pulled at his knees and his hips for a moment to get him settled. “Just like that. You can do it squatting, but it looks better when you’re on your knees. Riding is all about the performance. You have to put on a show. The better the show, the hotter the ride.”

“For who?” Ashley asked, suspecting that he already knew the answer.

Nick grinned. “Whoever’s fucking you.”

He’d thought so.

“But it’ll feel great for you, too. All of the best bottom boys love riding. You get to control most of the fuck, so you can work over the dick however you want it. Some guys fuck up from underneath, some guys don’t, but mostly you get to decide how deep you want it, how fast you want it, how hard you want it.”

Ashley loved the sound of that. “What kind of show am I supposed to be putting on?”

“Roll your hips for me,” Nick said.

Ashley liked being on top of Nick. He wanted to run his hands over Nick’s chest and kiss Nick’s face and stroke Nick’s arms and run his fingers through Nick’s hair. He had a new vantage point and a new dominant position to exploit. Bracing his hands on Nick’s stomach, he rolled his hips a few times, testing.

“Nice,” Nick said, stroking his thighs. The speculative heat in Nick’s eyes made Ashley’s skin warm. “Show me what else you can do.”

Bass pounding, blood pounding; steady beat, steady thrusting. Justin couldn’t hear his own breathing over the sound of the music, couldn’t feel anything except the constant pulse of the beat and the rhythmic rocking as AJ fucked him where he was splayed back over the arm of the couch. The bass and the thrusts were syncing up; AJ was fucking him in time to the music, and with his eyes closed, it was almost like the music was fucking him, the bass beat pounding into him, thrusting, thrusting, thrusting.

Then the thrusting sped up, overcoming the music, setting a faster pace. Justin groaned as AJ’s hands jerked him closer, AJ’s dick slamming into him, AJ’s hand circling his dick and jacking him off. Justin experienced orgasm not as a wild rush of unrestrained ecstasy but rather as an intense physical and emotional release, a sudden flood of relief, an internal lightening. Moaning, his body going lax in the aftermath, Justin panted while AJ pulled out and, a few bass beats later, came on his thighs.

Justin opened his eyes, sliding off of the couch to the floor, just breathing. He felt better. His stress was alleviated, his tension was temporarily displaced, his mind was calm. The fear and chaos were gone, at least for the time being.

The music became quieter. Less of a physical entity. AJ came back, sitting beside him, stroking between his pecs. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Justin gazed vaguely up at the ceiling.

“Do you want it again?”

Did he? Justin did an internal check. “Yeah. Give me a minute.”

“Okay.” AJ’s hand slid down to Justin’s hip, angling his body slightly as AJ leaned in for a kiss.

Justin met AJ’s eyes. “I still hate you,” he said.

“Works for me,” AJ said, and kissed him.

“Yeah, that’s it, right there. That’s it,” Nick said, his eyes flashing with heat. “Ride it, Angel, make me feel it.”

Ashley moaned, his hips rising and falling in Nick’s hands, sliding his hands up Nick’s arms. “Oh… Oh, mm, Nick…” God, it felt, it was - - “I can’t…”

“Show it to me,” Nick said, his voice thick with sex. “Show me how it feels.”

With a slow groan, Ashley let his head fall back, undulating as he rocked on Nick’s erection. It was hard and thick, filling him up every time he slid back down, and it was increasingly difficult for Ashley not to plead with Nick to take over and fuck him as thoroughly as his body was begging for it.

“Oh, yeah,” Nick said, “oh, hell, yeah. Keep moving like that, just like that. Oh, yeah, that’s it. Give it to me, Angel, show me more.”

Ashley gave himself over to the movement, undulating repeatedly, his thighs bracing him for the constant up-and-down, his spine rippling as he did a continuous full-body roll. Nick’s hands slid from his thighs up his torso, stroking his chest, caressing his sensitive nipples.

“You know what I like,” Nick said. “You know what I want, Angel. I want you.”

Him. Him. Nick wanted him, in this moment wanted only him. Ashley relished the idea.

Nick slid his hands down Ashley’s back to cup Ashley’s ass. “I want to see you fucking yourself on my dick until you come,” he breathed. “I want to see you pleasuring yourself with it, playing with yourself.”

Ashley couldn’t help but ride faster, urged on by Nick’s voice and his own needs. Pleasuring himself with it… Playing with himself… The idea put Ashley’s hands on the move, and he rubbed his chest again, stroking his own skin.

“Touch yourself, yeah, like that, that’s hot. Oh, yeah, that’s it.” Nick’s voice was hushed yet sexual, fascinated and rough with lust. “Keep going, make me want you, show me how good it is.”

It was so good that Ashley felt successive bursts of pleasure pushing each other through his body, outward from deep inside. Agitatedly rubbing his own thighs, he rode faster, driving his own ecstasy forward.

“Arch your back a little more, oh, yeah. Put your head back, nice, oh, Angel, yeah. That’s, oh, unh, yes… Eyes closed, mouth open, let me see your tongue a little. Yeah, like that, lick your lips for me, show me what I want to see. God, that’s so fucking, oh…” Nick moaned, slow and tortured. “God, you look so… Moan for me, Angel, let me hear it, let me hear how good it feels.”

Ashley’s throat opened, letting out a hot, needy groan. Teasing his nipples, caressing his body, he licked his lips, moaning openly. He loved doing what Nick asked of him. Nick responded to everything he did like he was doing something wonderful, like he was handing Nick a precious gift with each action. Because of Nick’s responses, Ashley was willing to give Nick anything. Wanted to give him everything.

As Ashley moaned, Nick rewarded him with a luscious groan in response, rubbing Ashley’s thighs. “Make me hear it. Make me feel it.”

Feel it? Ashley felt it flaring through his body so intensely, he was sure that everyone in the world was experiencing the reverberations. Slowly dragging his own fingernails up the outside of each thigh, Ashley continued to moan for Nick.

“Oh, god… Angel… I want you to look so good I can’t think about anybody else. I want you to put on a show no one else could ever top. Yes, ah, ah, fuck.” Nick grit his teeth. “I want you to make me come so hard I can’t control it. Pull it right out of me. Make me lose control.”

Control, there was no control. What was happening to them, between them, was something uncontrollable, something wild and untamed and inevitable. Moaning, Ashley let the devastating pleasure send his body through wanton undulations.

“Ride faster, ride harder, like you’re racing to the finish line. Yes, god, just like that. Make my dick fall in love with your ass. Oh, yeah, I want you to blow my fucking mind.”

Ashley slid his hand up Nick’s chest to grip Nick’s shoulder. Leaning back, Ashley fucked himself as hard as he could, moaning with each jolt against his prostate, riding Nick’s erection like it was his only shot at glory. It felt incredible, the fullness, the sense of control, the sense of being on display.

“God, yes, yes, that’s it, oh, god, ah, ah… Get yourself off,” Nick said. “Louder, Angel, louder, bring the house down. Make sure I never forget the sound of an angel in ecstasy.”

Taking his own erection in hand, Ashley groaned, turning up the volume. Nick’s hips were rocking and Nick’s dick was fucking deep inside him, he was seconds away from orgasm, Nick’s fingers tracing the lines of his pelvis, Nick’s voice a sexual murmur of instruction and encouragement - - louder, louder, he began to cry out, pushing himself to the edge, Nick thrusting up under him and fucking in deeper, Nick’s hands holding him in place. Ah, ah, ah, he was coming, he was coming, he - - howling with ecstasy, Ashley came, slamming down on Nick’s dick, spurting thick shots of cum.

“Don’t stop. Fuck yourself,” Nick urged, rocking up into him. “Show me how much you still need it. Let me hear how much you get off on having my dick inside you.”

With orgasm still rolling through his body and Nick still fucking him, Ashley cried out again, calling Nick’s name, putting one hand back on Nick’s thigh and rocking steadily, a constant rhythm of lust and need. His body was oversensitive. Everything felt too good, too vivid. He wanted to make Nick come, but at the same time he wanted the fucking to last forever, the pleasure to last forever, the wild rushes of need to last forever.

“Touch yourself,” Nick panted. “Make me want to come. Make me lose it.”

Looking into Nick’s eyes, Ashley smeared his own cum up his chest, licking it from his fingers and playing with his nipples. Moaning around his fingers, sucking lewdly, licking obscenely, he cried out shamelessly on every thrust, giving himself permission to feel every rich ounce of passionate pleasure. Nick was fucking him, fucking him hard, fucking him thoroughly, and it felt so exquisitely glorious that he was, unh, he was, unh, he was, aah- - Ashley screamed, back arched, head thrown back, nails scraping across his own chest.

The world tilted and rolled; the mattress was soft beneath Ashley’s back, a pillow softer behind his head, his thighs spread as Nick thrust with stunning force and overwhelming accuracy. Moaning, howling, squealing, Ashley could barely hold on and let it happen. Nick’s dick was so long, so hard, so thick, such a perfect instrument for delivering ultimate ecstasy. Nick’s soft lips were parted, red and wet, his even white teeth visible, guttural moans issuing from his throat. His eyes burned with such brilliant fire that Ashley couldn’t bear to look away.

“Come again,” Nick growled, his breathing ragged, his body taut over Ashley’s. “Come again, come for me, damn it, come!” He slammed in too hard and Ashley felt himself ripping apart, a miniature explosion rippling out from inside, pleasure loosed from an unsafe place. Unwillingly obeying Nick’s direct command, Ashley reached orgasm again, spilling jism, uttering a rippling cry while the explosion echoed through his body. Then Nick’s dick was gone and Nick was feeding from his lips and groaning into his mouth as warm, thick cum splashed up his chest, splattering him from navel to neck.

Panting, shaken, Ashley blinked up at Nick.

Nick dragged his dickhead through the cum across Ashley’s abs. Ashley shuddered, licking his lips. With a warm, satisfied sigh, Nick smiled, kissing him slowly. “You were amazing,” Nick murmured. Nick’s lips were soft. “Amazing.”

When Brian had called, Lance hadn’t been eager to see him. He didn’t trust Brian. But after hearing more of what Kevin had done to Justin, after seeing Chris be so on edge he asked to be knocked unconscious, Lance liked the thought of doing something, anything, to chip away at the Boys’ total supremacy over their lives. When Brian invited him over to talk about Jacob, Lance agreed.

If Brian wanted to play games, then Lance would play. If Brian wanted to play love struck and horny, then Lance would be happy to exploit that.

He wondered how far he could take it. Ashley jumped on Joey’s dick any time Joey whipped it out, at least according to Joey; could Lance get Brian to do the same?

He knew that for Chris’s sake, he should be nicer to Brian. But he didn’t want to be nice to Brian. He wanted to make Brian pay. Brian had fucked Chris over to the point where Chris didn’t even consider himself sane. It was time for someone to fuck with Brian.

They put on clean blue sheets together, then made out on the freshly made bed, mussing the covers and feeling each other up. When the doorbell rang, Chris froze, holding Brian close. He didn’t want reality to intrude; he was unwilling to give up his paradise.

“I’ll make him go away,” Brian said. “I’ll give him five minutes and then I’ll get rid of him.” Brian was up, hustling him into the closet. “Stay in here,” Brian said, kissing his cheek and closing the door.

As soon as the door closed, Brian was kissing him, fingers sliding into his front pockets. “I missed you,” Brian murmured, kissing him again, again.

Of course he had. Was Lance supposed to believe that? Leaning his shoulders back against the front door, hips forward, Lance unbuttoned his fly. “Did you want to talk about Jacob?” he asked, looking into Brian’s eyes and slowly unzipping.

Brian smiled, sliding a hand into his open fly and cupping him. “Maybe later.”

Chris flipped the light switch, looking around. Racks of clothes. Shelves. Brian had nice wooden hangers. Brian’s clothes smelled nice. Clean. There was a faint woodsy scent that reminded him of Kevin, and that light vanilla Brian scent, too. Brian’s clothes were organized by purpose and season. Brian looked great all dressed up and great dressed down and great at all stages in between.

Slowly pumping Lance’s dick, feeling it stiffen and thicken in his hand, kissing him with breathless need, Brian slid the fingers of his other hand into Lance’s hair. “What do you want to do to me?”

There was a suitcase in one corner, a suitcase Chris knew wasn’t Brian’s. Brian’s luggage was in the closet of the blue guest room. On the shelf above the suitcase were clothes, but…

Jacob’s. They were Jacob’s clothes. Jacob kept clothes in Brian’s closet.

Chris had very mixed feelings about Jacob. Mixed probably wasn’t even the right word. He knew that he definitely didn’t like seeing Jacob’s clothes in Brian’s closet. No, he definitely-

A soft moan. Brian, desire. Chris looked at the closed door, his body alert.

Another moan. Lower. Not Brian.

More moaning. A muted rustle, a faint creak. They were on the bed. Brian was, Brian was, Brian was - - “Oh, yeah,” Brian moaned. “Yeah, oh, ah…”

“You like that?” A low murmur, smug, suggestive, a voice that Chris would have known anywhere. Lance’s sex voice. Lance’s sex voice was very hot. Lance’s sex voice was being used on Brian. Lance was…

Brian…

Chris put his hands over his mouth to keep the screams in. He couldn’t make noise. If he made noise, Lance would hear, and Brian wouldn’t like that. Squeezing his eyes shut, he backed up, until he ran into soft clothes. He could still hear it, moaning, groaning, flirting. Sex talk, innuendo. Brian was hot, Brian was aroused, Brian was turned on and Lance was in bed with Brian, touching Brian’s naked body. Lance was making love to Brian.

Chris opened his eyes, grabbed a clean white sock, and put it in his mouth, freeing his hands to clamp over his ears. Eyes shut again, ears blocked, he chewed on the sock, trying not to scream, trying not to move, trying not to burst out of the closet and kill someone who was important to him.

Lance was on his Brian.

He’d loved Brian as much as he knew how, he’d lost his entire sense of self over it, he’d lost his entire sense of reality over it, and now Lance was casually fucking the one person he loved above all others.

He blocked out the sound of it, the idea of it, the thought of it. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian…

“Oh, god, fuck me,” Brian groaned, twisting under Lance’s body, scratching across Lance’s lower back.

Lance thrust in harder, pushing Brian’s thigh back. If Brian wanted it, he was going to get it. “You like that?” he asked, watching Brian writhe and arch, eyes rolling back in his head.

“Deeper, deeper, I need you inside of me, I want you to be a part of me,” Brian moaned.

Fine. Lance backed out, rolling Brian over, pulling him up onto his knees and then planting a hand at the small of his back to lower his hips. Brian groaned, moaning his name and rubbing back against him. “You’re such a greedy slut,” Lance said, thrusting in and picking up a quick, easy rhythm. “Are you going to be my slut?”

“Lance, yes, oh,” Brian said, moaning and pulling at the sheets. “It’s never felt like this before. No one else has ever given me what you give me, Lance. No one else - - oh, oh, god! - - makes me need it this much.”

“How much?” Lance asked, slipping a hand under Brian, displacing Brian’s hand and taking over, fisting his erection.

Brian cried out, tensing and shuddering and gasping. “Yes, yes, please, oh, Lance, Lance, yes!” He pulled so hard on the fitted sheet that it became untucked from the mattress. “Touch me, touch me, yes, god, you’re so, you’re so, you’re so-” Brian screamed, coming, jetting through Lance’s fist.

Lance thrust in harder, smacking his ass and giving it to him rough and deep. Brian was shuddering and pulling on the sheets and making a lot of noise; Lance came, groaning out his name just to play along. Brian moaned, and Lance wondered if he was really supposed to buy this display.

Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Brian…

Lance closed his eyes, sliding his fingers through the curls gathering around Brian’s nape as Brian licked his voice box. Howie had used to do that. Howie had used to…

“Your hands are incredible,” Brian moaned, stroking his chest and humping his thigh. “The way it feels when you,” pant, “touch me,” moan.

It was ridiculous. No one was this in love. No one had ever felt this way about him but Howie, and that had been just as fake. “What else do you like?” he murmured in Brian’s ear, feeling Brian pretend to tremble in his arms at the sound of his voice.

“I love it when you lick me,” Brian moaned. “I love the feel of your tongue. You’re, oh, god, Lance…” He groaned desperately as Lance licked the smooth flesh where his neck blended into his shoulder. “Yes, yes, oh…”

Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian he loved Brian Brian loved him Brian

Lance didn’t know whether to laugh or yell. Was it funny or infuriating or just insulting? He unwrapped Brian’s arms from around his shoulders, licking his lips free of Brian’s clinging kisses and putting his hand on the doorknob. “I have to get back to the guys.”

Brian put his hand on Lance’s stomach, stroking gently. “It was great to see you.” He had a “come and fuck me” look in his eyes, like Lance hadn’t just come in his ass ten minutes ago.

“We didn’t get much of a chance to talk about Jacob,” Lance said.

“Everything’s going okay there,” Brian said. His hand slipped lower as his body moved in closer. “I know you don’t want to, but you’re going to have to teach him how to fuck you. We’re falling behind schedule.”

Lance wasn’t about to let Brian pin any problems on him. “I’ll take care of it.” Somehow. Once he figured out how to accept the idea of letting that mangy wreck fuck him.

“Okay.” Brian kissed him, moaning softly. “Good-bye.” Love shimmered in Brian’s eyes.

Lance was never going to fall for that again. “Bye,” he said, and left.

“Chris? Where’d you go, love?”

Like he’d been shot from a cannon, Chris was up and running, bursting from the closet and catapulting into Brian’s arms. They fell onto the bed, rolling across the mattress, Brian in his arms, Brian against his body, Brian between his thighs, Brian’s startled laughter in his ears. Chris closed his eyes, burying his face against Brian’s neck, holding on as tightly as he could.

“Happy to see me?” Brian asked, laughing softly, rubbing his back.

“You smell clean,” Chris said, not letting go. He could breathe. He could breathe. He was fine. Everything was fine.

“I am clean,” Brian said, amused. “I just got out of the shower.” He kissed Chris’s left eyebrow. “What were you doing in the closet?”

“Getting lost,” Chris said, fingertips skating over sharp cheekbones. The bed was freshly made with clean, cream-colored sheets. Nothing had happened. Brian hadn’t been having sex with Lance, Brian had been taking a shower. Brian wouldn’t be asking why he’d been in the closet if Brian had put him there, so he must have wandered in on his own. Lance hadn’t been here, no, Lance hadn’t been here at all.

“You don’t have to be lost anymore,” Brian said, kissing his cheek. “I’m here with you now.”

“I love you,” Chris said. Nothing had happened. They’d eaten, and they’d made the bed, he remembered making the bed, they’d put the blue - - no, cream, the sheets were cream, they’d put the nice cream-colored sheets on the bed, and then Brian had taken a shower and he’d wandered into the closet to wait. To wait for Brian. To wait for Brian who loved him.

“I love you,” Brian whispered, kissing his other cheek. “Always, forever.” Brian’s eyes gentle. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I love you,” Chris said.

“And that makes you sad?” Brian asked, stroking his jaw, gazing at him, eyes compassionate and loving.

“No,” Chris whispered. “That makes me everything.”

AJ licked slowly, lingering over Justin’s mouth. “I like your cute little mouth,” he murmured, sucking softly at Justin’s lower lip. “It’s pretty.”

“It’s crooked,” Justin said.

“It’s sexy.” AJ kissed down to Justin’s jaw. “Did Joey talk to you?”

Justin looked directly into AJ’s eyes. “Yes, and we both hated the entire conversation. Don’t do that again.”

“Do what?” AJ asked, mildly curious, stroking the lean muscles in Justin’s thigh.

“Put him in the middle. You know he hates that we’re screwing, so don’t fuck with him like that.”

“Joey knows what I like,” AJ said.

“Yeah, and it sounds like what you like is to rough people up.”

“I like the push and pull of sex,” AJ said. “The animal passion behind it. Sex isn’t civilized.”

“You’re not civilized,” Justin said. He shook his head. “Making love shouldn’t be like stepping into the ring.”

AJ tilted his head to one side, then nipped at Justin’s chin. “Who said anything about making love?”

Justin narrowed his eyes. “Do you seriously want to rough me up just to fuck me?”

“It’s not one-sided,” AJ said. “I push you, you get to push back. I know you like that idea.” He drummed his fingers on Justin’s thigh. “Come on, Timberlake. You’d get to work out all of that aggression. I know you want to fight. I know you want to shove back.”

Justin had to admit that AJ had a point. The way he’d jumped Jacob freaked him out, but maybe it meant that he needed to let go once in a while so that wouldn’t happen again. Wrestling with the guys had been unexpectedly satisfying. Maybe…

AJ grinned. “There we go.”

Chris was nose to nose with Brian, sharing a pillow, gazing into blue eyes. “I love you,” he said again.

“I love you,” Brian said, his voice soft, his gaze tender, his fingers stroking Chris’s ear.

“Do you really?” Chris asked. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” Brian said. “You know that I do. I always have.” A soft, sweet kiss.

“If… If you love me, why haven’t we been together?” Chris slid his hand up Brian’s thigh, up under the leg of his boxer-briefs. “I’ve been so unhappy without you.”

“I know you have,” Brian said. “Chris, I’ve been miserable without you. You don’t know what it’s like to have you back again.”

“But why?” Chris asked. “Why were we apart? Did… Did I do something?”

“No, Chris,” Brian said, quick to console, stroking his cheek. “It wasn’t you. It’s them. They don’t understand. That’s why they can’t know now. That’s why we have to keep this just between us, until this is over.”

“Until it’s over?” Chris asked, brain working quickly. “When it’s over, we can really be together? Like we were before?”

“Yes,” Brian said, his eyes filled with light. “When this is over, when it’s finished, we’ll be together. We won’t need their cooperation, it won’t matter if they don’t understand, it’ll be just you and me, like it should always be.”

“I love you,” Chris said breathlessly. “I would love to be with you, the way we used to be.”

“We were magical,” Brian whispered.

“Were you unhappy without me?” Chris asked.

“Miserable,” Brian said. “Chris, you know how much I love you. I couldn’t take it without you. It was hard to get up in the morning, it was impossible to face the day, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and grieve for you. Every day, every hour, every minute, I wanted to call you and talk to you. Just to hear your voice…” Brian ran his fingers across Chris’s lips, then kissed him. “Soon we can really be together, the way we always should have been.”

“We have this, for now,” Chris said. “We’ll have this, won’t we? You won’t take this away from me?”

“I would never take anything away from you,” Brian whispered, and kissed him. “I love you, Chris.”

After a quick shower, Ashley had intended to get dressed and leave. He’d expected Nick to want that. But when he stepped out of the bathroom, Nick tugged the towel from his hips and pushed him to the bed, going into the bathroom. Taking that as instruction, Ashley got comfortable on the bed. As water ran in the shower, his eyes drifted shut.

The pillow smelled like Nick. Delicious.

The next thing Ashley knew, the sheet was slipping away, revealing his back. A soft, pleased murmur, “There it is,” and lips brushed between his shoulder blades. “Look at you,” Nick whispered. Nick’s fingers stroked his angel spot while Nick placed a tender kiss on his cheek. Ashley didn’t move, breathing evenly, feigning sleep and wondering what else Nick would say or do. Nick wasn’t supposed to be this good to him. He wasn’t supposed to fall for it.

“What are you?” Nick whispered. He kissed between Ashley’s shoulder blades again, then kissed Ashley’s temple. “Are you a fallen angel? A sleeping beauty?” Fingers brushed through Ashley’s hair. “You’re so much more than just another pretty boy, but I don’t know what you are.” A soft kiss by Ashley’s mouth. “Maybe someday you’ll share your secrets.” A slow shift, receding footsteps, and Ashley was alone.

Rolling onto his back, Ashley opened his eyes. No one had ever talked to him that way before. Like he was beautiful, and special, and… Magical? Mysterious, but in a specific way. Like he was…fantastic.

He wasn’t all that special or all that different from everyone else. He was supposed to be good-looking, but Nick was gorgeous and hot, so Nick shouldn’t have been all that impressed by him. But sometimes, when they were alone, Nick told him how beautiful he was. In ways that no one else ever had.

Ashley didn’t understand it. Nick didn’t care about him. They were in competition for the same man. Why would Nick treat him this well?

And why was he letting himself believe in it?

“Joey?” Lance asked, coming into his own home through the garage.

“In here!” Joey called from the back of the house. Lance walked back and found Joey in his bathroom, in the hot tub.

“What are you doing?” Lance asked, not surprised.

“I think I strained my back,” Joey said.

“Doing what?” Lance asked.

“Fucking AJ. He kept twisting around, so I-”

“I don’t want details,” Lance said, not needing any more mental images of Joey and AJ together than he already had.

“How was Brian?”

Lance sat on the edge of the tub, picking up the bottle of wine and refilling Joey’s glass. “I don’t know,” he said, and took a long drink.

“You don’t know?” Joey repeated, raising one knee.

Lance refilled the glass, then took another drink. “I’m in love with Howie. He gives me nothing. No emotion. No interest. Nothing consistent.” Lance handed Joey the empty glass, beginning to undress. “Brian is in love with me, he’s invested in me, he needs me. He’s telling me everything I want to hear. I can’t deal with him without getting, ‘Oh, Lance, I love you, oh, Lance, I missed you, oh, Lance, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.’” Naked, Lance pushed Joey’s legs aside and eased into the water.

“And the problem is?” Joey asked. “You think Brian’s lying?”

“I know Brian’s lying.” Lance slid down, resting his head back against the padded edge. “It hurts to hear it from someone who’s lying. It hurts to know that Brian doesn’t mean it. It hurts to know that Howie’s not even bothering to pretend anymore.” Lance rubbed his face with wet hands. “Howie never meant it and is never going to say it again. Brian doesn’t mean it but it’s exactly what I want to hear.”

“Why is Brian making this big of a deal out of it if it’s not even true?” Joey asked.

“I don’t know,” Lance said, running his fingers back through his hair, “but it’s really making me want to hurt him.”

Looking absolutely entranced, Brian stroked Chris’s eyebrows. “My pet,” he murmured. “My heart. My life. My love.” Fascinated, he followed one arch with curious fingertips.

This behavior was nothing new, but Chris hadn’t been treated to it in a long time. He remembered this, being explored, being memorized. Remembered questing fingers, remembered Brian’s enraptured expression. Brian had the unique ability to be able to focus on one feature for hours at a time. Chris was absolutely certain that Brian knew his body better than he did, if only because Brian had explored it in detail at length, literally spending hours studying each part of his body. His left hand. His back. His right foot. Each tattoo. His ears and his eyebrows in particular seemed to be a point of fascination.

Chris knew Brian just as well. Had explored Brian just as thoroughly. Had mapped out every perfect inch. Brian was utterly beautiful, and simply looking at him made Chris ache with longing, with love. While Brian stroked Chris’s eyebrows, Chris gazed at Brian in return, absorbing each detail all over again. If only he could name the exact crystal shade of Brian’s eyes.

“I’ve loved you for so long,” Brian whispered, two fingertips caressing between Chris’s eyes, trailing down his nose. “You’ve been everything to me.”

Chris knew how thoroughly Brian loved. How attached Brian got. How completely invested Brian became. How possessive. How protective. Cupping Brian’s bicep in one hand, sliding his palm up to Brian’s shoulder and back down again, he asked, “Are you mad at Justin?”

Innocent confusion clouded Brian’s eyes. “Justin?” he asked, not understanding.

“I know that you don’t want Jacob to get hurt. It wasn’t Justin’s place to go after him.” Chris didn’t expect Brian to explain anything to him, but he had to try to intervene on Justin’s behalf. “Justin’s really scared and kind of confused. He’s had some rough times and Jacob pushed his buttons and he just lost it. Jacob didn’t know what he was doing,” Chris added quickly, “he didn’t realize that what he was saying would get to Justin the way it did. But Justin’s already been through a lot. He knows that what he did was wrong. Under normal circumstances, he’d never have done it.”

“You’re worried about him,” Brian said, stroking Chris’s sideburn.

“Yes,” Chris said. A lot. It was kind of a helpless anxiety, in the sense that he had no idea what he could do to make things any easier for Justin. All he could do was worry and try to be supportive.

“You’re a good friend,” Brian said, fingers following the curve of Chris’s ear.

“Justin’s…” A great guy. A terrific kid. A good person. Broken. Heartsick. “He’s always been good to me.”

Brian’s touch caressed down Chris’s cheek, lingering beside his mouth. “Do you love him more than you love me?”

“No,” Chris said. He couldn’t possibly. No matter how much he loved Justin, his love for Brian would always be stronger. That had nothing to do with Justin. It was just the way things were.

“Do you love anyone more than you love me?” Brian’s eyes were a clear, direct blue.

“No,” Chris said, wrapping his arm around Brian’s waist. “Never.”

“You love me more than everyone else?”

It was almost a silly question. “Yes,” Chris said, mostly sounding firm, desperation seeping in around the edges. His heart hurt. He loved Brian so much he was helpless to express it.

Brian stroked Chris’s neck, his expression simply adoring. Supplicant. “Will you always love me?”

“Yes, always,” Chris said immediately, hugging Brian tightly, closing his eyes. “Always, forever.”

Continue on to part thirty-five

matthew@matthewtime.com
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