Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-May 20, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Continued from part thirty-one...
The room was so quiet, Chris could hear JC’s watch ticking.
No one but Justin had spoken for the past forty-five minutes. The last voice before that had been Joey’s outraged cursing.
“J,” JC said softly.
Justin got up and walked to a less inhabited corner of the room, crossing his arms over his chest.
“You should have told us,” Lance said.
“You went through that alone?” JC asked.
“When Jacob started talking… I thought it was the beginning of the end,” Justin said.
“Kevin made you paranoid,” Joey said. “He fucked up your entire brain.”
“Then when Brian
started talking…” Justin shook his head, shifting his weight. “We all
underestimated him. I’m sorry, Chris, there’s a lot more to Brian than I
realized. I can still hear him, in my head, I still have his voice. Kevin’s
the only person who ever did that to me before.”
“Why haven’t we killed Kevin?” Joey asked.
Justin pivoted quickly. “No,” he said fiercely, “no, don’t even think about touching him.”
“Are you trying to protect me or him?” Joey asked.
“Both of you,” Justin said. “I love him. I couldn’t take it if anything ever happened to him. I don’t even want to think about that.” He rubbed his arms. “Don’t even joke about it.”
“How can you want to protect him?” Lance asked. “Justin, you’ve told us what, maybe a tenth of what he did to you? He drove you insane!”
“He told me the truth,” Justin insisted.
“He lied to you!” Lance yelled.
“Justin,” JC said. “Do you believe what Kevin said to you? Do you really think that you deserve to be treated like that?”
“I know that it’s wrong,” Justin said. “But he planted this seed in me, doubt and self-hatred. Part of me believes that everything he said is true.”
“It’s not true,” JC said. “You know that, I know you know it. That’s why you’re struggling with yourself, and that’s why you want help. Because you know that what he did to you was wrong.”
“How did Nick treat you?” Justin asked. JC frowned, touching his hair. “How did he treat you, JC? What did he call you?”
“He calls me ‘baby,’” JC said, not sure where this was going.
“Yeah?” Justin asked. “That’s nice, JC. Kevin calls me a filthy whoring worthless cunt. Did Nick give you presents? Did he ever buy you things?”
“Sometimes,” JC admitted.
“Yeah?” Justin asked. “Good for you, JC. Kevin didn’t believe in spending too much money on filthy whoring worthless cunts. What about vacations? Did you take vacations together? Did you go on trips?”
“A few,” JC said.
“That must have been nice,” Justin said. “I’m sure that you had a good time. Kevin took me to Spain. I spent six days chained to a toilet while Kevin fucked people in the next room. He’d leave without a word and I couldn’t even be sure he was coming back.”
Stunned, JC didn’t know what to say. “Justin…”
“What about the other eight days?” Chris asked.
“What?” Joey asked.
“You went to Spain for two weeks,” Chris said to Justin. “You said six days. What happened during the other eight days?”
“Those days were different.” Justin rubbed his thumb over the inside of his wrist. “He made love to me. We couldn’t get caught in public together so we stayed in his room. He told me that I was so beautiful it was impossible not to stare. He told me that I was so sexy the way I moved should be illegal.” Justin’s smile was haunted. “He kissed me everywhere. He told me that he wanted me, and he played with my hair.”
“He chained you to a toilet for six days, and then spent eight days telling you how beautiful you were?” Lance asked.
“What did Kevin give you?” Chris asked Justin. “You said that he didn’t believe in spending too much money on you, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give you anything.”
“He gave me things,” Justin said. “He bought me new shoes. He bought me a microwave.”
“AJ bought me a microwave,” Joey said. “Then when he was mad at me he cooked foil in it. Almost burned my kitchen down.”
“When we went shopping, he’d give me a limit, so many dollars,” Justin said. “I could have anything I wanted as long as it didn’t cost him more than that. Sometimes I’d get more money than other times. One time he got me a bike.”
“Kevin got you that motorcycle?” Joey asked.
“Brian bought me mine,” Chris said.
“What happened to them?” JC asked.
“Brian took back everything he gave me,” Chris said.
“Everything?” JC asked.
“He took it back?” Lance asked.
“All of it,” Chris said. “Even the letters.”
“Brian wrote you love letters?” Joey asked.
“Nick wrote me love letters,” JC said.
“Nick wrote you love letters?” Lance asked.
“Nick Carter?” Joey asked.
“Come on, this is about Justin,” JC said. “Kevin bought you shoes, a microwave, and a motorcycle?” he prompted.
“He bought me…outfits.” Justin turned his back, hands fidgeting anxiously. “They always looked like futuristic hooker clothes. Everything was too small or too short or too tight. A lot of mesh, and leather, and rubber. Collars, he liked collars. He’d dress me up and tell me how much he wanted me. Or he’d tell me that since I was worthless trash, I should dress like worthless trash, and he’d make me put on what he wanted, and then he’d taunt me.”
“He made you dress up?” Lance asked.
“What do you mean, taunt you?” JC asked, concerned.
Justin shuddered. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Okay,” JC said gently. “That’s okay.” If Justin was willing to share this much, JC didn’t want to push him.
“I destroyed all of those clothes,” Justin said. “I cut them up, I ripped them apart, I burned them… I couldn’t live with them in my closet anymore. By the time I realized what I’d done, it was too late. Kevin had given me those clothes, they were gifts from him, they came with memories, not just bad memories but good ones, too. All I had left were scraps. Pieces. Shreds. That’s all I had of myself once he was done with me. Scraps. Pieces. Shreds of myself. I didn’t have enough material left to make one shirt. I don’t have enough left of myself to make one person.” His voice was in the same tatters as he twisted his fingers. “I’m not even a real person, I’m shredded and broken and shattered. The only thing that keeps me from breaking open and coming apart is you, and Dan, and my own weak, selfish need to be whole again. I have to keep talking and keep smiling, to distract everybody’s attention. Maybe if I keep dancing fast enough, they won’t notice that I’m bleeding to death right in front of them.”
“Justin,” Lance said, scared.
“Justin, come sit down,” JC said, worried.
“Bleeding to death,” Justin repeated. “He hates me, and he kicked me out of his life, and now I’m bleeding to death out in the cold and all I can do is wait for him to have mercy.”
“You’re not bleeding to death,” Lance said. “You’re fine. You’re here with us, and we’re going to help you.”
“You’re a whore,” Justin said. “You’re a slut. You’re a bitch, Justin, and you’re a cunt.”
“Fuck Kevin,” Joey said. “Chris, give me your phone.”
“No,” Chris said.
JC was walking up behind Justin slowly. “J, come sit with us.”
“I’m going to call him and tell him exactly how fucked up he is,” Joey said.
“He can do anything he wants, and all you do is take it and ask for more,” Justin said to himself.
JC put his hand on Justin’s shoulder. “You’re shaking. Come on, Justin,” he said, putting an arm around Justin’s shoulders.
“The fear’s just rolling off of you. You’re so scared you’re trembling,” Justin said, rubbing at his forehead.
“Then I’m going to arrange for a face-to-face meeting where my foot can explain a few things to his ass,” Joey said.
“He’ll never love you,” Justin said.
“We still haven’t covered exactly what happened today,” Lance said. “What exactly did Jacob do to him?”
“Maybe it wasn’t all Jacob,” JC said. “Justin said that Brian fucked with his head today.”
“He saw me,” Justin said, rubbing his hands over each other. “He saw all of me. He saw everything. I wasn’t ready for that, but if Jacob saw me and Brian saw me then it’s time, it’s now, it’s here.”
“It’s not time,” Lance said. “It’s never going to be time, because none of that’s true. Kevin was feeding you lies, Justin, it’s all complete bullshit.”
“Brian told me that it’s not now,” Justin said, mostly to himself. “It hasn’t happened yet. It isn’t starting. I’m safe for now. No one knows. No one saw.”
“Justin,” JC said, with one arm still around Justin’s shoulders, his free hand covering the twisting of Justin’s hands. “Start from the beginning. What happened with Jacob? What did he say?”
“You’re a whore,” Justin said. “You’re a slut. You’re a bitch, Justin, and you’re a cunt.”
“Wait,” Lance said suddenly. “I thought you were just repeating Kevin. Did Jacob say that to you?”
“The little fuck,” Joey said.
“Was that Kevin or Jacob?” JC asked Justin.
“Jacob,” Justin said, pulling his hands free to rub at his eyes. “Kevin. Both. I was just sitting there when Erik sat down beside me and…”
While Brian was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, AJ put his shoes back on. “Nick and Howie have anything to say?” AJ asked Kevin.
Kevin pocketed his phone and adjusted his belt. “Nick says it’s good that someone finally tried to take Jacob out.”
“Wish I’d been there to see it,” AJ said. “Jacob, shirtless, sweaty, writhing under Justin…”
“Since when does Jacob turn you on?” Kevin asked.
“Anyone that gets Brian hot gets me hot,” AJ said.
“Well, thank you, AJ,” Brian said, emerging from the bathroom. “That means a lot to me.”
“What do you want to do about this?” Kevin asked Brian.
“You know what I want,” Brian said. He picked up one of Jacob’s bandannas, wrapping it around his hand and caressing the fabric. “Someone tried to hurt Jacob today, and I can’t allow that to happen. Jacob belongs to me, he’s precious to me. Justin deliberately attacked him. There are bruises on my love. He’s been hurt, and Justin’s going to pay for it. He’s not going to get away with what he’s done.”
“What about you?” Kevin asked AJ.
“If you want to punish Justin, that’s fine with me,” AJ said. “As long as it doesn’t fuck up anything I have going, you can do whatever you want. If you don’t want to bother with him, then I’ll do it.”
Kevin tapped his fingers against his thigh. “Are you sure?” he asked Brian. “If you want me to punish him, then I’ll do it, but I want you to be sure.”
There was no mistaking the ice in Brian’s eyes. “I’m sure. No one hurts my love and gets away with it.”
Kevin nodded. “This may even help you out,” he told AJ. “The best way to punish Justin would be to reel him back in. I’ve been showing him mercy by letting him go. The cruelest thing I could do right now would be to get back into his life.”
Brian’s expression was cold. “Do it.”
Ashley laughed.
“What?” Jacob asked.
“What’s so funny, the soap commercial?” Erik asked.
Ashley shook his head. “God, I was just thinking, our lives weren’t this crazy when they were a TV show. There were cameras following our every move, and things weren’t this wild. Can you imagine if we were on TV now?”
“Great ratings,” Erik said.
“‘Making the Band’ meets ‘Melrose Place,’” Trevor said.
“I don’t even want to think about it,” Jacob said. “Having those cameramen back in my life is one of my worst nightmares.”
“There are all of the elements of good TV in our lives right now,” Dan said. “Sex, drama…”
“Betrayal, violence,” Jacob said.
“Love, romance,” Ashley said.
“Humor,” Trevor said.
“More sex, more drama,” Erik said.
“With a pretty good musical soundtrack,” Trevor added.
“When everybody kept telling us to look at the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC as an example, no one told us not to have sex with them,” Ashley said.
“Maybe somebody should have mentioned that,” Erik said.
“Oops,” Trevor said. “My mistake.”
Justin was leaning casually into Joey’s side, Joey’s arm draped around him. “What was this meeting supposed to be about?” he asked Lance.
“We don’t have to talk about it now,” Lance said.
“No, it’s okay,” Justin said. “Go ahead.”
“Are you sure?” Lance asked. “It can wait.”
“It’s okay,” Justin said again. “You can start.”
“Okay.” Lance took a second to collect his thoughts and find a starting point. “We’ve been losing focus,” he said. “We’ve been disorganized and distracted and all over the map. We’ve been letting them get to us.”
“Stop,” Justin said.
“What’s wrong?” JC asked.
“I don’t want to hear about this,” Justin said. “You’re as weak when it comes to Howie as I am when it comes to Kevin,” he told Lance. “You hide it better, but you’re no different from me.”
“I’ll always be vulnerable to Howie,” Lance said. “That’s not the point.”
“You like having sex with Brian. You want Howie’s best friend to like you. We’re probably all having that problem,” Justin said. “I like having sex with AJ and I want him to like me because it might get back to Kevin.”
Lance opened his mouth, but didn’t have a chance to get a word out.
“We don’t know where reality begins and ends anymore, and what happened before is getting mixed up in what’s going on now, plus we don’t know how much we’re faking and how much we’re feeling,” Justin continued.
“That’s true,” JC said.
“You always have us,” Lance said. “You can-”
“For support?” Justin asked, and laughed. “After you sold me out? You sold all of us out because you were trying to get another shot at Howie. You knew that it was doomed, we told you that it was a bad idea, we all knew that we were setting ourselves up for another great fuckover, but you went ahead and pushed for it anyway. You delivered me right back to Kevin, and now I’m supposed to believe that I can always come to you for support?”
“I didn’t do it alone,” Lance said. He shared some of the responsibility, but he refused to take all of the blame.
“You’re not going to get Howie back!” Justin exclaimed. “I know that’s why you started this, we all know it, but it’s not going to work. He’s not coming back to you! So get your head out of your ass and help us!”
“I’m trying to!” Lance shouted back. “That’s why I called this meeting!” He pushed off the calming hand JC placed on his arm. “I know that Howie doesn’t love me! I know that he’s never going to want to be with me again! Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it’s not killing me? Do you think that’s not why I act like such an asshole?”
“Asshole is a pretty harsh word,” Chris said.
“I know that Howie’s never going to want me,” Lance said. “It’s making me crazy. Even knowing he’ll never love me, I still have to chase him. I can’t stop. Wanting him is all I have left.”
“We’re going to be in love with them,” JC said. “We aren’t going to be able to do anything about that right now. But we don’t have to make ourselves susceptible to anyone new.”
“Meaning, I’ll always be fucked up over Kevin, but I don’t have to lose my mind over AJ, either,” Justin said. “That’s just basic survival.”
“Justin, I know that you’re upset,” JC said. “You’ve been run ragged, and you’re tired of coming to us and not getting what you need. But please, just listen to this. Lance and I have been trying to figure out a way for the five of us to get through to the other side of this alive and intact.”
“What if we didn’t come into this intact?” Chris asked.
“If they break us up, if they break us down, if they get inside us, they win,” Lance said.
“They can do whatever they want,” JC said. “We can’t stop them. But if we get through to the other side sane and together, we win.”
“They know our weak spots,” Lance said. “They know that we’d give anything to get back what we lost. They know that making us feel wanted and making us feel loved and making us feel respected is going to make us vulnerable to them.”
“They know how to tell us what we want to hear,” JC said.
“We can’t listen to them,” Lance said. “We can’t believe anything that they say. Even if they say, ‘I love you.’ It’s a lie.”
“We can’t get confused about what’s a lie and what’s not,” JC said. “If he tells you that he loves you, he’s lying. Don’t believe anything that they say. Go along with their plans. But don’t trust them. Don’t trust anything that they say.”
“Be alert,” Lance said. “Be on guard.”
“We have to support each other,” JC said. “If we can count on each other, we won’t feel as alone, and we won’t be as susceptible to them. We can’t let them isolate us.”
“Don’t fall for anything they say or do,” Lance said. “They’re the enemy. They were out to get us last time, and there’s no reason to think they’re not doing it again right now. I was already Howie’s victim. I’m not going to be Brian’s, too. I refuse to let anyone else get to me and fuck with my head and break my heart. I’m not letting him get that close.”
“What
you’re saying is… Let me get this straight,” Chris said. “You’re telling me
not to trust Kevin?” Justin laughed. “Oh, good, good, great,” Chris said.
“That’s great. Because I was all set to make him my personal confidante. But
if you’re saying not to trust him, oh, well, that’s a different story.”
“Chris,” Lance said, frustrated.
“Let’s be honest about it,” Chris said. “Kevin’s pretty much an evil villain. He did this,” Chris gestured towards Justin, “to my best friend. He’s using me. He’s manipulating me. He’s giving me sex to keep me in line and he’s being nice to me because he knows how close I am to going off the deep end. Kevin’s a halfway decent person to me because he wants my cooperation. The second he decides he doesn’t need me, or the second I stop cooperating, it’ll be a whole different story.” Chris rubbed at his ear. “I like being treated decently. I like getting laid. Kevin is the best link to Brian I’m ever going to have. I know that when he’s being nice, he’s faking it. I know that he doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about what happens to me.”
“What are you saying?” Joey asked, frowning.
“I’m using Kevin for sex and comfort,” Chris said. “This whole…thing…has been pretty damned hard. All of it, in every respect. And Kevin’s been making it easier. And I’m grateful to him for making my life easier, when everyone else has seemed dedicated to making it harder. I know that it’s all fake, but I like the illusion. It helps me to make it through the day.”
Justin twisted his bracelet. “I know what you mean.” Attention slid from Chris to Justin. “I hate AJ. He knows it, and he doesn’t care. I need to be able to hate someone besides myself for once, and he lets me. We have sex, we talk about Dan, we talk about Kevin… It’s like a sick little partnership. I don’t have to pretend when I’m with AJ. Having someone to hate, having someone I don’t have to pretend with, having someone I can call when I’m getting overwhelmed and I need that solace and that release… AJ’s given me something no one else has been able to give me. He complicates my life, but he also makes it easier to bear in his own way, and I’m grateful to him for that.”
“You’re getting comfortable with them,” Lance said. “That’s only going to make you vulnerable.”
Chris laughed. “There was no way that I was ever going to stand up to Kevin. I’m like a walking target. You’re lucky I’m still all in one piece.”
“I-”
“I’ve been looking at it like this,” Chris said, ignoring Lance. “My first theory is, I’m so fucked up, there’s nothing he can do to me to hurt me worse, and I’m invulnerable. My second theory is, I’m so broken I’m a sitting duck, and he’s going to demolish me. Either way, there isn’t much I can do about it, so I’m not going to worry about it.”
“We have to do something about Kevin,” Joey said. “You have me itching to take this guy out. And what about you?” he asked Justin. “What can we do for you now in the short term to make things easier?”
“Dan’s sleeping at home tonight, and I don’t want to be alone,” Justin said. “After what happened today, I can’t be alone.”
“You can stay with me,” Lance, JC, Joey, and Chris all said at once.
“I don’t need all of you,” Justin said.
“Maybe having more than one of us would help,” Lance said.
“It couldn’t hurt,” Joey said.
“But you all have somewhere else to be,” Justin said. “Someone else to be with.”
“You’re more important,” JC said.
Justin looked at Chris seriously. “You should be where Kevin wants you to be.”
“I give up,” Lance said, slumping back.
“I’ll check with him,” Chris said. “If he doesn’t need me, I’m all yours.”
JC leaned against Lance, patting his chest. “We can still make it.”
“Why don’t we just raise the white flag now?” Lance asked. “We’re screwed. We’re mindless puppets who do whatever our hearts and our dicks want us to.”
“Trevor’s… He’s in love with you, isn’t he?” Justin asked Chris. JC rested his head on Lance’s shoulder, watching, listening, curious.
“Yeah,” Chris admitted, picking at his fingernails.
“And you like him?” Justin asked.
“I like him a lot,” Chris said. “He’s… He’s kind of wonderful and kind of terrific and kind of perfect for me.”
“But you’re going to help Kevin destroy him,” Justin said.
“Yeah.” Chris’s gaze was on his hands. “It sucks.”
“You’re not going to try to stop it, or protect him?” Justin asked.
Chris’s voice was quiet. “Brian wouldn’t like it.”
“But you’re sacrificing someone who loves you,” Justin said. “To Kevin. You know what Kevin’s going to do to him.”
“I know,” Chris said. “When this is over, Trevor won’t be in love with me anymore. He won’t understand. He won’t want to see me ever again.” His hands stilled. “I’m going to miss him.”
Justin’s voice was quiet. Respectful of Chris’s pain. “Dan told me that he loves me today.”
Chris looked over at him. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” Justin’s smile was sad. The tears in his eyes hurt JC. “Me, too.”
The five of them had made a pilgrimage together to the kitchen. Dan and Ashley were assembling sandwiches, Trevor and Erik were deciding whether to get soda or beer, and Jacob was internally debating whether to sneak some Tylenol for the ache in his back he hadn’t yet admitted he had after having been slammed into the wall and thrown on the floor.
“I have a question,” Erik said.
“Go for it,” Ashley said.
“Where did Jacob get those pretty little earrings?”
“You mean those chunks of rock?” Trevor asked.
“They’re not real, are they?” Ashley asked. “They look terrific.”
“They do look good,” Dan agreed.
Turning red, Jacob shrugged casually, popping open a can of soda and trying to play it off. “They were a gift.”
“A gift?” Erik asked, grinning.
“Oh my god,” Trevor said, laughing.
“Are you serious?” Ashley asked. “Brian bought you diamond earrings?”
“And you say you’re not boyfriends,” Erik said.
“I never said that they were from Brian,” Jacob said.
“That’s true,” Dan said. “Who are they from?” he asked with a grin.
Jacob sighed, pushing back his hair. “They’re from Brian.” He rolled his eyes during the ensuing bout of hysterical laughter. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Tell me they’re real,” Erik said. “Please, please, tell me that they’re real.”
“Diamond earrings are a girlfriend gift,” Trevor said.
“They are a girlfriend gift,” Dan agreed.
“Yes, they’re real,” Jacob told Erik. “I was stupid enough to let you choose my clothes, you made me wear Ashley’s earrings, I told Brian that they weren’t real and they weren’t mine, so he bought me a pair. That’s it.”
“Sounds like Brian’s a pretty good boyfriend,” Erik said.
“They look great,” Ashley said, coming closer for an inspection. “They must have been expensive.”
“Thank you,” Jacob said to Ashley. “Let’s never talk about this again,” he added, walking back to the other room.
“They’re nice,” Erik said, picking up a plate and following.
“I think I’m jealous,” Trevor said. The five of them went back to settle in front of the TV, scattering over the room and passing around food.
“Howie’s with JC,” Erik said, sitting back comfortably. “Nick’s with Joey. AJ and Justin just broke up. Kevin used to be with Chris.” He ate a chip. “You think Brian’s into guys, too, or is he the token straight one?”
“Brian’s straight,” Jacob said.
“How do you know?” Erik asked.
“I know he’s straight because he’s straight,” Jacob said.
“Straight people usually don’t have to come out,” Dan said. “Unless he starts talking about guys, you assume he’s straight.”
“He doesn’t talk about guys,” Jacob said.
“He talks about girls?” Erik asked.
“Yes, he talks about girls,” Jacob said. “He talks about women. I can name his girlfriends for you, if you want.”
“Damn,” Erik said.
“What?” Trevor asked.
“If he’s straight, he can’t be Jacob’s boyfriend. Now I can’t make fun of Jacob.”
“You can make fun of Jacob for other things,” Ashley suggested. Dan laughed.
“AJ!” Brian’s shout cut through the house.
“No!” AJ shouted. “Where is the fucker?!”
“AJ!” Kevin yelled. As the five of them turned to look, AJ burst through the doorway, moving with such speed and athletic grace it was hard to keep up. He climbed right over Erik and the sofa to where Jacob was sitting on the floor, grabbing Jacob with both hands and lifting him up just enough to slam him back onto the coffee table, scattering chips and spilling drinks. “You fucking asshole, don’t you ever talk to Justin that way again! I don’t ever fucking ever want to hear that you’ve been saying shit to him! I don’t even want you to look at him funny! If you-”
At this point, AJ was cut off. Being assaulted once had been bad enough, but Jacob wasn’t going to let it happen again. Cursing a blue streak, Jacob kneed AJ in the stomach, wrenching an arm free and punching AJ right in the face. When AJ fell back, Jacob rolled from the table and onto his feet, braced for action.
Now absolutely furious, AJ snarled, “Oh, now you’re fucking dead,” and lunged.
A brief period of pandemonium followed. AJ and Jacob were going after each other with savage violence. Erik, trying to break them up, went in at the wrong angle and almost lost an arm. Ashley was yelling Jacob’s name; Brian was shouting, “AJ, no!” They landed on the sofa with such force they knocked it over and rolled across the floor. Trevor didn’t want to stop the fight because history suggested that Jacob wouldn’t appreciate it, but he couldn’t just let them pummel each other.
Looking very pissed off, Kevin reached in and grabbed AJ at the same time Dan caught Jacob. “Don’t you ever fucking speak to him again!” AJ shouted. “Don’t you fucking ever!”
“Get the fuck out of my house!” Jacob shouted. “I never want to see you or your psychotic boyfriend again!”
“Fuck you!” AJ shouted.
“Go to hell!” Jacob shouted, almost breaking free from Dan’s hold.
“Let it go,” Kevin told AJ, barely restraining him. “Let it go! We’re leaving, right now.” He dragged AJ a few feet farther away from Jacob. “Brian,” he said, and left, forcing AJ with him.
“Fucker!” Jacob yelled.
“Jesus,” Erik said.
“Are you okay?” Ashley asked.
“Calm down,” Dan said, gradually relaxing his grip. “He’s gone, he’s gone. Calm down.”
“I have never seen you fight like that,” Erik said.
“I’ll go get the ice pack,” Ashley said, hurrying to the kitchen.
“Sit down here,” Dan said, guiding Jacob to the armchair. “You okay?”
“His lunatic boyfriend tries to choke me to death and he comes after me?!” Jacob demanded. “What the fuck is wrong with these fucking people? They’re out of their minds!”
“Jacob.” Brian knelt in front of him, gazing up, and when Jacob looked down and their eyes met, it was like they were the only two people in the room. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that he - - I didn’t know, I didn’t think he’d ever touch you, AJ knows how much you mean to me.”
“It’s not your fault,” Jacob said. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“I feel responsible,” Brian said. “He’s my friend, I invited him here, and - - I’m sorry, Jacob. Where are you hurt?”
Ashley perched on the chair’s arm, handing over an ice pack. “Thanks,” Jacob said, putting it to the side of his face. AJ had reopened his split lip from his earlier encounter with Justin. “I’m okay,” he told Brian.
“That was insane,” Erik said.
“Does AJ always lose his temper like that, or just in this house?” Trevor asked Brian, helping Dan to right the sofa.
“AJ can be an intense person,” Brian said. “He’s very passionate about Justin. He really loves Justin, very much, and when I explained to him how out of control Justin had been… I’m sorry,” he told Jacob. “I should have known better.”
“AJ abused Justin,” Dan said. “That’s not love.”
“It’s not a kind of love that I completely understand,” Brian said, glancing at Dan before returning his gaze to Jacob. “But it is love.”
“I’m going to call Justin,” Dan said. “Are you okay?” he asked Jacob. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’m okay,” Jacob said. “Thanks.” Dan left the room.
“You just beat up AJ McLean,” Erik told Jacob.
“I didn’t beat him up,” Jacob said. He grinned briefly. “But I was winning.”
“When he had you over that table I was like oh, god, here we go, all over again, but then you wham, right in the gut and pow, right in the face and then you were up and ready for a real knockdown drag-out ass-kicking.” Erik shook his head, impressed. “That was a fight.”
“Yeah, but now one of us has to clean up,” Jacob said, surveying the mess of scattered food and spilled drinks.
“We’ll get it,” Ashley said. He looked at Brian, displaced as Jacob’s caretaker. “There’s more ice in the kitchen if you need it.”
“Thanks, Ash.” Jacob stood, deliberately not reacting to the ache in his back. “I’ll go check out the damage.”
Jacob left the room, accompanied by Brian. Erik knelt to scoop food back into bowls. Trevor left to get sponges. “You okay?” Erik asked Ashley.
“I don’t know,” Ashley said, and sat on the sofa.
Erik smiled at him, then went back to cleaning. “It’s okay. Jacob still likes you.”
“Shut up,” Ashley said. “It’s not that.”
“Yes, it is,” Erik said.
“You just going to let the carpet stain?” Trevor asked Ashley, kneeling down and spraying the floor.
“Brian’s not gay,” Ashley said.
“Jacob is,” Erik said.
“Ssshhh,” Trevor whispered. “We’re not supposed to know that.”
“Then they’re really just friends,” Ashley said.
“Brian’s just friends,” Erik said. “Jacob’s in love with the best friend he can’t have.”
“Do you think Jacob’s really in love with him?” Ashley asked.
Erik snorted. “Yes,” Trevor said. He spritzed Erik’s hand for the hell of it; Erik threw a stray chip at him.
“Jacob, in love,” Ashley said. He thought about it.
“It might have been a good idea if he’d fallen for someone who was going to love him back,” Erik said.
“Yeah,” Trevor said. “Being loved back sounds pretty good.”
“It doesn’t solve everything,” Ashley said. He looked at Trevor. “If Joey’s in love with me, why is he still with Nick?”
“Because he can be,” Trevor said.
“Because you’re letting him,” Erik said.
“I’ve gotten this far,” Ashley said. “I know it’s going to happen. If I push too early…”
“You think if you give him an ultimatum, he’ll choose Nick?” Trevor asked.
“Nick…” Ashley didn’t know what to say.
“Guys always want younger and prettier,” Erik said. “You’re younger and prettier than Nick is, trust me.”
“Nick’s experienced,” Ashley said. “He’s… I don’t know what to call it. Worldly? He’s done so much, he’s seen so much…”
“He and Joey have a lot in common,” Trevor acknowledged. “But what’s Joey really looking for?”
Ashley hesitated, then frowned. “I have no idea.”
Erik sighed, getting back to work. “Start there. When you figure it out, get back to us.”
“JC’s being really nice to Lance,” Justin said, opening Lance’s refrigerator.
“I noticed that,” Joey said, leaning against the counter. “Have you ever seen JC cuddle up to Lance like that?”
“Not while they’re sober,” Chris said. “JC!” he called.
“What?” JC yelled back.
“Come here!” Chris picked up a take-out container. “Anybody want to guess?”
“Italian,” Justin said.
“Chinese,” Joey said.
Chris opened the box. “Enchiladas? That’s a lot of salsa.”
“God, he’s been thinking about Howie again,” Joey said, taking the box from Chris and putting it in the trash.
“What?” JC asked, leaning in the doorway. Justin motioned him over; he came across the room to where they stood.
“Why are you being so nice to Lance?” Joey whispered.
“I’m always nice to Lance,” JC said. “I try to be nice to my friends.”
“You two have been all…fsst, rowr,” Chris said, holding his hands like cat claws. “What’s different?”
JC rubbed his forehead, then glanced over his shoulder. “I went through some very serious things with Nick that even you don’t know about. It makes sense that Lance did the same with Howie. We can’t discount each other’s pain.”
Justin’s expression was concerned. “If you want to talk about it…”
“No,” JC said. He managed a smile. “Thank you, but not now.”
“You think there’s more to Lance and Howie than we thought?” Joey asked.
“Isn’t there more to you and AJ than we think?” JC asked.
Joey laughed suddenly, then looked down, rubbing his chin. “Yeah,” he said. The humor left his eyes. “You’d be surprised.”
Justin’s cell phone rang. Giving Joey’s arm a squeeze, he checked his phone. “It’s Dan,” he said. “You’ve been Justified.”
“Hey,” Dan said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” Justin said. “The voices in my head are quieter. What’s going on?”
“That wasn’t a joke, was it?” Dan asked.
“Not even close,” Justin said.
“Your guys are taking care of you?”
“Did you call to check up on me?” Justin asked.
“Yeah,” Dan said.
“You didn’t have to,” Justin said.
“There’s something else,” Dan said.
Justin grew tense. “Yeah?” he asked, putting his hand on JC’s arm.
“After you left, AJ was here. Brian called him, and he came over with Kevin.”
Justin increased the force of his grip.
“Brian wanted to tell AJ what had happened. It sounds like maybe he thought that AJ could come up with a way to help you, I don’t know.”
“He knows what I did,” Justin said.
“AJ got upset, and he attacked Jacob. They had a fight. Kevin just dragged AJ out of here. I didn’t want to tell you, and I don’t want to upset you. But you were going to hear about it eventually. And I want you to be careful.”
“He was there,” Justin said.
Chris took JC’s phone from his pocket and handed it to him. “Call Erik.”
“Are you okay?” Dan asked.
“He knows what I did,” Justin said again. JC was dialing. Justin released JC’s arm, rubbing at his own forehead, sinking down into a crouch. He leaned against Joey’s legs. “AJ. He was fighting with Jacob? What did he say?”
“He was pissed that Jacob had upset you,” Dan said.
“I don’t… I don’t know,” Justin said, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t know. I have to go.”
“Hey, baby,” JC said. “How are you?”
“Are you all right?” Dan asked. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I thought that you should know. Be careful. Promise me that if he comes to see you, you won’t talk to him or let him in.”
“I have to go,” Justin repeated.
“Promise me,” Dan insisted.
“I promise,” Justin said, and hung up, letting his phone drop to the floor. “He was there.”
“That’s why I’m calling,” JC said. “I’m here with Justin, and he’s been telling us about what happened, and I just wanted to talk to you and make sure everything’s all right. Is Jacob okay?”
Joey sat down with Justin. “You okay? What happened with AJ?”
“He knows what I did,” Justin said, hollow-eyed. “He won’t like it. I wasn’t supposed to do that.”
“Yeah?” JC asked.
Chris stepped around everyone, going to find Lance. “Dan just called Justin, and JC’s calling Erik. It sounds like AJ went to the Townhouse and beat up Jacob.”
“Let’s call him and congratulate him,” Lance said, getting up and walking with Chris back to the kitchen.
“Kevin must have been with him,” Chris said. “Justin’s worried that he’ll be upset about him attacking Jacob.”
“It’s his fault Justin lost control,” Lance said.
“I don’t think that Kevin’s going to see it that way,” Chris said, then sat beside Justin on the floor. Lance sat with them, watching JC pace slowly around his kitchen making encouraging noises as Erik talked. Justin muttered to himself and bit his fingernails. JC’s voice became softer, more sexual, more intimate, and then he hung up and joined them on the floor.
JC ran his hand over his hair. “When Brian found out what happened, he called AJ. AJ brought Kevin. The three of them were in Jacob’s room talking for hours. As long as we’ve been here.”
“Talking about Justin?” Joey asked.
“Probably,” Lance said.
“The five of them were getting food and watching TV when AJ burst in on them. He threw Jacob onto the coffee table, Jacob hit him, they fought, they wrestled across the floor… It sounds like it was a good fight.”
“AJ should have kicked Jacob’s ass,” Joey said.
“Jacob’s a fighter,” Lance said.
“He wasn’t when Justin was on him,” Joey said.
“He was unconscious,” Lance said.
“Kevin and Dan broke it up, and Kevin took AJ outside,” JC said. “AJ was yelling at Jacob about upsetting Justin, like he was mortally offended that anyone would dare to insult the love of his life.”
“How’s Jacob?” Chris asked.
“Erik said he’ll be bruised, but nothing serious,” JC said.
“Brian’s getting plenty of opportunity to comfort the bitch,” Lance said.
“Maybe you should call AJ,” Chris said to Justin. “You should have told him about your fight already.”
“None of them bothered to call us,” Lance said. “Why should we call them?”
“He might still be with Kevin,” Chris said.
Justin dialed, then hung up and dialed again. “He’s not answering.”
AJ set his phone aside without answering. “It’s Justin.”
“He should have called you hours ago,” Kevin said. “Stop moving.” He reset the ice pack against AJ’s cheek.
“That fucker has sharp knees and hard knuckles,” AJ muttered.
“Poor baby,” Kevin said without a trace of sympathy in his voice. The fingers caressing AJ’s unblemished cheekbone, however, were tender.
“It was nice of Brian to let me fuck Jacob up a little,” AJ said. His phone rang; he took a look. “Joey.”
Kevin made mental calculations. “Justin’s not well enough to be alone, so he’s with his friends. Chris has known what happened for hours, but hasn’t called me about it. He doesn’t have to call me, because it isn’t about Trevor, but it directly affects the game, so it’s something he should make me aware of.”
“So he didn’t have to call immediately, but he should call soon,” AJ said.
“Exactly,” Kevin said, just as his phone rang. He smiled, checking the ID. “Hello?”
“I want to take Tylenol, grab my ice pack and go to bed,” Jacob said. “Before anyone else decides to come after me.”
“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Brian asked. “How are your ribs?”
“My ribs are fine,” Jacob said. “I know you’re here to help, and I appreciate it. But it’s been a crappy day, and I can’t be pleasant right now.”
“That’s okay,” Brian said. “You don’t have to be pleasant.”
“You don’t have to stay,” Jacob said.
“I’d like to stay,” Brian said. “Would you mind the company?”
Jacob sat on the
foot of his bed. “No. You’re always good company.” He opened his fly. “Sorry
I fought with AJ. I know how close you are.”
“I can’t believe he did that,” Brian said. “He knows how much I love you.”
“That didn’t seem to slow him down,” Jacob said. Shedding his jeans, he crawled up the bed and under the covers. Rolling onto his side, he adjusted the ice pack.
“Can I get you anything?” Brian asked, lying down facing him. “Tylenol?”
“I don’t really need it,” Jacob said. “Don’t bother.”
“You said that you wanted it,” Brian said. “I’d be happy to get it for you.”
“No, that’s okay,” Jacob said. “My head’s fine.”
“What about the rest of you?” Brian’s gentle fingers skimmed down his nose.
“I might look a little banged up in the morning, but I’m okay,” Jacob said.
“You move like you’re hurt,” Brian said. “Is it your ribs?”
“My ribs are fine,” Jacob said. “All of me is fine.”
Brian grinned. “Why don’t you take your shirt off and prove it to me, big boy?”
Jacob had to laugh. “Seriously, I’m fine. My ribs are okay.”
“If you don’t show me, I’m going to be forced to molest you to find out for myself,” Brian warned, reaching for Jacob’s abdomen with a teasing smile.
“Okay, okay,” Jacob said, relenting. He pushed the covers down to his waist, then slid his shirt up, revealing his stomach and chest. “Do I pass inspection?”
“Not bad,” Brian said, smiling. He put his hand on Jacob’s ribcage. “This doesn’t hurt?”
“Not remotely,” Jacob said, trying to ignore his body’s responses to Brian’s touch.
“Okay,” Brian said. He took his hand away, and Jacob tugged his shirt down again, pulling up the covers.
Telling his dick to relax, Jacob looked at the most direct thing in his line of sight, Brian. The best-looking guy Jacob knew was Ashley, obviously; Ashley was prettier than most girls. But Brian… Was it his cheekbones, or the way that he smiled? Was it the line of his jaw, or the love in his eyes? Brian was inexplicably beautiful.
Brian tapped his chest. “Jacob…” He smiled. “How’s your back feeling?”
Jacob groaned. “God, I give up.” He rolled onto his back, dropping the ice pack. “Did anyone ever teach you how to leave people alone?”
Brian was still smiling. “No. Let me see.”
“There’s nothing to see,” Jacob said. “I looked, there are no bruises, nothing. It just aches a little from being slammed into things all day. It felt a little weird after Justin, and AJ made it worse. By the time I wake up tomorrow, it’ll be all better, I promise.”
“Doesn’t telling me the truth feel better?” Brian asked. “Come on, roll over, let me take a look.”
“There’s nothing to see,” Jacob groaned, but he rolled onto his stomach as he said it, knowing that there was no point in arguing. Cool hands slid his shirt up, and then, god, oh, okay, that felt a little too, mmm. Brian’s palms slid smoothly up his back, with just enough gentle pressure to make even the ache feel good. Brian was kneeling behind him, kneeling over him, and he could feel the insides of Brian’s thighs pressing against the outsides of his. The intimacy and the sexual suggestiveness of the pose made Jacob tense and hot.
“Where does it hurt?” Brian asked. His hands were exploring slowly, as if he could find the right spot by touch alone. His thumb briefly massaged the small of Jacob’s back, and Jacob clenched his jaw, hands curling into fists.
Since asking Brian to fuck him was out of the question, Jacob attempted a more reasonable reply. “In the middle.” Brian chose to respond to that by slowly stroking his spine, and Jacob closed his eyes, digging his nails into his palms and riding out the ensuing shivers in silence.
“Here?” Brian asked, gently circling.
“A little,” god, why was this happening to him, “lower.” Bad porn and hot fantasies started out this way.
Brian stroked down. “Here?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said. “There.” His shoulders had taken most of the force of actually being slammed into the wall, but maybe the fall had twisted something. It had definitely not enjoyed the later fight with AJ.
“I don’t see anything,” Brian said. He wouldn’t stop caressing, and Jacob’s dick wouldn’t stop throbbing. “Can I get you something for it?”
“No,” Jacob said. “It’s not that bad.” The ache in his dick was much more distracting.
“Okay.” Brian’s touch drifted lower, and Jacob almost moaned out loud. “I like your tattoo.”
“Thanks,” Jacob said, faintly impressed by how normal his voice sounded.
Brian’s hands slid up his back again, then pulled his shirt down. In the shuffle of rolling over again, Jacob made sure to keep the covers above his waist. On his side, facing Brian, Jacob fought the urge to touch his erection and the urge to make a move on Brian.
Someday. Someday soon, he’d be ready. They’d explore their love in new ways. Sexual ways. Someday soon they’d make love, and Jacob could show Brian just how great it could be.
Chris let Justin hold his phone and tried to be subtle about rubbing his arm where Justin had gripped him. Chris hadn’t mentioned Justin’s presence to Kevin, but Kevin must have known that Justin was with him. Unless Kevin thought that the anxious heavy breathing had been from him.
Chris had given a succinct report of everything he knew so far, and Kevin had told him to put their established plan into motion. It had been a simple, direct conversation in which Kevin had managed never to say Justin’s name even when asking about the first fight.
“He didn’t sound pissed about what happened,” JC told Justin.
“If you’re upset about him finding out… What do you think he’s going to do?” Joey asked. “Do you think that he’s going to do something to you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know, and that’s the worst part. Kevin doesn’t,” Justin tried to even out his breathing, “Kevin doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. But he won’t like what I did. He’ll be mad at me. If he decides to talk to me again over this, if this is what makes him come near me again - - god, I’m fucked, I’m so fucked,” he said, dropping Chris’s phone into his lap and rubbing at his face with both hands. “I don’t want him to be mad at me,” Justin said. “If I’m ever going to work a miracle and get him back, I have to do everything right. I just ruined everything. If he’s mad, if he gets mad enough to show it... God, it could get bad, it could get so bad.”
“Maybe he liked it,” Joey said. “For all we know, he’s glad you did it. Maybe he thinks it shows balls.”
“He didn’t sound mad,” Chris said, patting Justin’s shoulder. “You heard him, he sounded normal. He’s a little pissed at me for being here with you guys instead of going over to the Townhouse, but-”
“Call Trevor,” Justin said immediately, shoving the phone at Chris. “Call Trevor, he told you to call, Kevin wants you to call.”
“Okay,” Chris said, taking the phone.
“I have to talk to AJ,” Justin said, dialing his own phone. “Why won’t he fucking answer?”
Chris called Trevor, looping his other arm through Justin’s.
“Townhouse, Trevor speaking.”
“Hey, pumpkin, it’s your stud muffin. Can I come over, or do you have your other lovers there?” Chris asked.
“Chris, oh my god, you won’t fucking believe what’s been going on over here.”
“If I come over, will you tell me?” Chris asked.
“Okay, but hurry.”
“Okay, bye.” Chris hung up. “I have to go.” He rubbed Justin’s arm. “I’m going to be at the Townhouse if you want to talk.”
“Thanks,” Justin said, looking down, rubbing the inside of his wrist.
Chris hesitated. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That Brian talked to you.”
“He knew me,” Justin said. “He knew all about me, he knew things I don’t talk about. He said things.”
“I’m sorry,” Chris said again. There was nothing more he could say, so he hugged Justin and got up. Walking to the front door, he found Lance beside him. He paused at the door, looking at Lance. “Yes?”
“How did Brian know what to say to Justin?” Lance asked. “Did Kevin tell him?”
Chris jingled his keys, debating on how to answer. He didn’t want to give Brian away, but he had to give Lance an answer. “Brian’s good at reading people.”
Lance didn’t look remotely convinced. “Reading people?”
Chris jingled some more. “He’s good at figuring people out. What they’re feeling or thinking, and maybe why. By the time he talked to Justin, Justin was probably kind of a mess anyway, and wasn’t hiding his feelings too well. And Brian knows what Kevin put Justin through,” he added. “And he knows me. A lot of what Justin said Brian said, applies to me and Brian.”
“Then Brian can read me,” Lance said. “He knows what to say to me. He knows what I want to hear.”
“That’s a safe guess,” Chris said.
“What’s the one thing I’d want from a lover?” Lance asked.
“A nice ass?” Chris guessed.
“Besides that,” Lance said.
“Someone who’s going to love you,” Chris said. “Someone who’s going to want and need you. Someone who’s going to give you the love and attention and devotion and emotion that Howie won’t.”
“Fuck,” Lance muttered. “Brian’s playing me, I knew he was playing me, I knew it was a fucking game. I knew it.”
“It might not be,” Chris said, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“You know it is,” Lance said. “I’m agonizing over how Howie never gives me any real emotion anymore, and Brian shows up with a flood of it. He couldn’t have been any more obvious.”
Lance was pissed and bitter, and Chris wished he could help. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to give him what he wants,” Lance said. “If he wants to pretend that he loves me, then fine, I’ll let him love me.”
Torn between his loyalty to Brian and his loyalty to Lance, Chris didn’t have much to say. “Be careful.”
Lance touched his arm. “I’d like it if you called me. I know you don’t want to talk to me much these days, but I’m starting to miss you. I know how weird things are, and I know I haven’t been a lot of fun-”
“I’m not a lot of fun, either,” Chris said. “I can relax a little around Trevor, but it’s… It’s hard for me to be around you,” he said honestly. “Not because of you.”
“You’re giving me too much credit. I’ve been acting like a jackass,” Lance said. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been...understanding. I’ve been taking out my own problems on all of you.” Lance scratched his head, shifting his weight with a sigh. “Chris, I don’t know what to do. Howie doesn’t want me anymore, so I tried to focus all of that energy on Brian, but Brian’s fucking faking it. What am I supposed to do? I can’t spend every second of every day stalking Howie. It’s killing me and it’s hell on my friendship with JC.”
“Give it to Brian.” Chris had to get out of the house. “All of that attention and energy, give it to Brian.” He had to get away from Lance. “He wants it.” He had to leave, he had to get in his car and go, he couldn’t stay there with Lance, Lance who was with Brian, Lance who - - “Bye,” Chris said, and left.
Jacob was asleep.
Dick hard and aching, Brian licked his fingers, sucking tenderly on the fingertips that had caressed Jacob’s skin. When he’d been there, kneeling astride Jacob’s thighs, baring that exquisite flesh, stroking it, skin to skin, feeling the fine, smooth perfection of it…
He wanted to moan, but he had to stay quiet. He wanted to ease the need of arousal, but he couldn’t grant himself that release. Rushing to the bathroom to jack off would be too crude, too simple. Besides, mere physical orgasm wasn’t the point at all. The point was Jacob. Quickly jerking off would be nothing compared to lying in Jacob’s bed, listening to Jacob’s soft, even breathing, postponing turning off the light in favor of one more minute gazing at the curls at Jacob’s temple or the pout of Jacob’s lips.
“I love you,” Brian whispered, denying himself the pleasure of touch. “Someday you’ll know exactly how much.”
Chris parked beside Brian’s car and proceeded to spend a few minutes stroking the finish. Finally, knowing how much Justin would want him to follow Kevin’s instructions, he made himself go to the front door and ring the doorbell.
Ashley opened the door. “Hi. Come on in.” He turned as Chris entered. “Trevor!”
“Is Chris here?” Footsteps on the stairs. “Hey, stud muffin,” Trevor said, and kissed him.
“How’s Justin?” Ashley asked.
Chris waited until his tongue was back in his own mouth to answer. “He’s fine. He’s really sorry about what happened.” He put his arm around Trevor’s waist, deciding that he didn’t mind the way Trevor was rubbing his hip. “Erik told JC that AJ was here. Is Jacob okay?”
“Yeah, he’s okay,” Ashley said. “I think his back hurts, and he’s probably going to have some nice bruises tomorrow. He’s handled it all pretty well, though.”
“Hey.” Dan came up behind Ashley. “How’s Justin?”
“He’s okay,” Chris said. “He’s still at Lance’s house. Someone’s going to be staying with him.”
“Okay,” Dan said.
Chris slid his hand into Trevor’s front pocket and rested his head on Trevor’s shoulder, licking under Trevor’s chin. “How was your day, dear?”
“Wild,” Trevor said, and kissed him. “Get out of here,” he told Ashley and Dan. They left, and he tugged Chris more directly against his body for another kiss. “You want to talk about it or get naked first?”
Chris kissed him, stroking his cheek. “Tell me what happened first. Is Jacob still wandering around?”
“He went back to his room awhile ago. Ashley said he’s probably asleep.”
With Brian. Chris eased out of Trevor’s embrace. “How bad was it? It sounds like things got pretty out of control.”
Nick opened the bedroom door, turning on the light and sitting on the mattress. “Hey. What the hell have you been doing to yourself?”
“Who the hell let you in?” AJ grumbled from sleep, the bedclothes tangled around his naked body.
“Kevin,” Howie said, sitting on AJ’s other side. “We’re on our way out and we thought we’d stop by and see if you wanted to come with us. If you have too many visible bruises, we’re going to have to leave you behind.”
“Everything I’m looking at looks pretty good,” Nick said, surveying AJ with a smirk.
AJ sat up and glared, yanking the covers over himself. “Can I get any privacy in my own home?”
“Probably not,” Howie admitted with a conciliatory smile.
“I can’t believe that fucker actually had the balls to hit you,” Nick said, reaching out a hand towards AJ’s face.
AJ smacked Nick’s hand away. “The twat’s a fighter. I knew he’d return fire.”
“Kevin told you he hit him,” Howie told Nick.
“Yeah, but, damn,” Nick said. “He really did it.”
“It was just a little rough and tumble,” AJ said. “I’ve never minded a few knocking around bruises. I’ve gotten worse from sex.”
“You do that primping and preening shit more than anybody I know,” Nick said. “You’re worse than JC. I know you’re pissed.”
“It doesn’t look bad at all,” Howie told AJ. “You look fine.”
“Fine?” AJ repeated. “I’d better look better than fine.”
“You look gorgeous,” Kevin said, stepping into the room. “I already told you that. Eleven times.”
“It never hurts to hear it again,” AJ said, leaning back with a smile. “What’s going on tonight?” he asked Howie.
“After I call Erik, Nick and I are going to go to The Wreck Room. You coming with us?”
“Sure,” AJ said. He touched the slight, tender bruising on the side of his face. “A little make-up, and I’m good to go. You want to come?” he asked Kevin.
Kevin looked them over, considering.
“We won’t go anywhere weird,” Nick said. “We won’t keep you out past breakfast.”
“I promise you’ll get laid,” Howie said, and winked.
“Okay,” Kevin said, giving in with a private smile. “I’ll go.”
“Yeah,” Erik said, dropping beside Ashley on the sofa. “Trevor’s doing the unh-unh-unh upstairs.”
“Why do you listen?” Ashley asked.
“I can’t help overhearing it,” Erik said. “Trevor’s getting it on with Chris, Jacob and Brian are playing doctor together, and here we are.”
“Here we are,” Ashley agreed, touching his soda can to Erik’s.
“It sucks,” Erik said.
“You need a girlfriend,” Ashley said.
“I don’t know what I need,” Erik said.
“I called Joey a few times, but he didn’t answer. He’s with Justin and the other guys, though, so he’s probably busy,” Ashley said. Erik vaguely grunted in agreement; he didn’t like hearing Ashley make excuses for Joey, but he didn’t want to start a fight about it. “Where’s Dan?” Ashley asked.
“Pussied out,” Erik said. “Went to bed.”
“You think he’s going to get serious with Rebecca?”
“He might, if he doesn’t get serious with Justin first.” Erik’s phone rang. “Hold on.” He checked his phone. “Stay here. I’ll be back,” he said, up and heading for the stairs. “Hey.”
“Erik-Michael,” Howie said. “JC called me and told me what’s been going on. Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” Erik said. “It’s been pretty crazy, but everything’s fine.” He closed the door to his room. “How’s AJ?”
“A little banged up and a lot pissed off, but he’ll be okay. JC decided to spend some time with Justin tonight, so I’m going out with AJ. Maybe if he gets out and blows off some steam, he’ll calm down a little.”
“He’s that mad over what happened?” Erik asked.
“He’s furious,” Howie said. “He really loves Justin, and he can’t believe that anyone would antagonize Justin like that.”
“Jacob was out of line,” Erik said. If JC wasn’t just visiting Justin, if he was spending the night… “You’re going to be sleeping alone tonight?”
“Looks like it,” Howie said. “I wish you didn’t have to stay at the house, or I’d invite you over.”
Damn. Damn, damn, holy damn. “You know I’d be there in a second.”
“I know,” Howie said. “I’d love to see you.”
“How stupid would it be for me to sneak out?” Erik asked.
“You can’t betray their trust like that,” Howie said. “Not when you just got everything cleared up.”
“I know,” Erik said. He did know. “I just…really want to see you.” If he tried, he could see. Howie. In bed. The way the light seemed to warm his skin. The ripple and flex of his muscles. The thick, dark rise of his cock. The light sheen of sweat. The-
“Erik-Michael,” Howie murmured.
Adjusting himself in his pants, Erik said, “Sometimes I think you just like saying my name.”
Howie laughed, sounding surprised. “I do.”
“I want you so much more than I should,” Erik said.
“Don’t be sorry that this is happening,” Howie said. “Never regret it. I know I won’t.”
“This is stupid,” Justin said.
“Come on, cuddle up to Joey,” Joey invited, hauling him closer.
Justin pulled free and rolled away across the mattress. “This is stupid,” he repeated, in case someone hadn’t heard him the first time.
“You heard him,” Lance said from where he stood beside the bed, pushing Justin back in Joey’s direction. “Cuddle up.”
“How many lights do you want to leave on?” JC asked, standing across from Lance, behind Joey.
“Why are you all here?” Justin demanded.
“Because we love you,” Joey said. “Now get your ass over here,” he insisted, dragging Justin in again. “How do you want it? Spoon?”
“I don’t need all three of you,” Justin said.
“We’re just here to support you,” JC said.
“I’m here because it’s my bed,” Lance said.
“I’m here because I never miss an opportunity to sleep with Lance,” Joey said, keeping a firm grip on Justin’s wrist.
“Thanks, Joey,” Lance said. “Justin, stop squirming.”
“If you don’t want us here, how do you want to do this?” JC asked Justin.
“I don’t know,” Justin said, “but if you don’t let go of me,” he told Joey, “I’m going to hurt you.”
“Okay,” Joey said, carefully flexing his fingers to test his own grip. “Go ahead and try.”
“Damn it, Joey, I’m serious,” Justin said, frustrated. “Let go.”
“I’m serious, too,” Joey said. “You’ve had a bad day, you’ve had a bad couple of years, if you want to hit me, go for it. I can take it.”
“I’m not taking shit out on you,” Justin said, struggling to yank his arm free, “just fucking let me go!” He felt so fucking stupid and useless and helpless and frustrated and-
“Come on,” Joey said, and tugged.
“Fuck you!” Justin’s first blow landed directly on solid flesh. Hitting, kicking, struggling, Justin felt himself screaming and heard himself cursing and didn’t even know who he was yelling at. Himself? Joey? Kevin? The world? He shouldn’t be taking it out on Joey; Joey had already been through too much and didn’t deserve more from him. He knew that Joey could take it, but that wasn’t the point. Of course Joey could take it, but Joey shouldn’t have to take it. None of them should have had to deal with any of this, not now and not two and a half years ago.
He wrestled Joey across the bed, and when he felt Lance reach for him, he yanked Lance down with them. He wanted Lance there; Lance had been feeling helpless, too, they all had, and it would do them some good to vent, to lash out. Justin hadn’t wrestled around with Lance in a while, and he’d forgotten that Lance was more fit, more muscular now. Lance was also more openly aggressive now, and that made things pretty damned interesting. Justin stopped struggling against his personal demons in the form of Joey, and started fighting for dominance.
A minute later, JC was in the middle of the brawl. JC was skinny, but also goddamned strong. Justin started to miss the earlier part of the fight, when he’d been alone with Joey. Joey was big and indestructible, JC was stronger than he looked and always won everything, and Lance was smart and used to manhandling other guys.
Damn it, he was probably stronger than any of them. He hadn’t been working out for nothing. JC was sneaky and wiry, but Justin was flexible, too. He worked his way up from the bottom of the pile, kicking Joey’s thigh and elbowing Lance and evading JC’s grip.
Joey grabbed him around the waist and snatched him back down, right back into the thick of it. “You feel better?”
Justin panted for breath, waiting to see if they were finished or not. Lance was stretched out, breathing heavily, and JC was reaching around, collecting scattered pillows. “Yeah,” he said. “Thanks, Joey.”
“No problem,” Joey said. “You ready to let us get some sleep?”
He laughed. “Yeah.”
“Not yet,” Lance said, not moving. “Not until somebody confesses to kneeing me in the balls.”
Continue on to part thirty-three