Sucker
Copyright November 24, 2002-April 22, 2005 by Matthew Haldeman-Time
Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex
Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town
Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.
Continued from part twenty-seven...
“Lance.” Brian’s hips drove back against Lance with untamed need, his voice thick with coarse wanting. “Give it to me, I want it, make me yours,” he begged, rocking feverishly against Lance’s forceful thrusts. Brian wasn’t just asking for it, he was demanding it, his bold words and his naked lust and his body’s wanton writhing sucking Lance into his whirlwind of need. “Make me take it, give it to me hard, give it to me raw.” Brian’s hands were fisting the sheets and pulling at his own flesh, jacking his own dick as an agony of need shuddered through his body to Lance’s hands. “Give it to me and make me scream, take me like oh,” Brian’s head went back, “oh, oh, oh,” he was bucking back against Lance’s thrusts with desperate moans, “oh, oh, ah, ah, ah, oh, Lance, I’m close,” he was anguished and wild and when Lance started fucking him faster, his groan was so orgasmic it hurt. “I’m so close, you’re making me come, you’re making me come, you oh-” Brian all but screamed, crying out Lance’s name in tormented ecstasy, slamming his hips back against Lance as he came.
Lance barely held out, keeping his own orgasm at bay by sheer will, tortured by Brian’s raw, exposed need. Seconds after Brian came, Lance’s orgasm followed, twisting through him with hot fever as he thrust into Brian’s still-shuddering body. Shaken and moaning, Lance tried to pull himself together, stroking Brian’s thighs with appreciative hands.
With soft, grateful moans of Lance’s name, Brian rolled onto his back, sliding temptingly against Lance’s body and pulling Lance closer. Brian’s eyes were adoring, and Brian’s just-fucked glow put the sun to shame. Lance kissed his warm, greedy, loving mouth and soaked up his luxurious moans.
Lance had fucked rabid sluts who hadn’t wanted it as much as Brian wanted it every single time. Giving it to someone who wanted it that much made Lance feel powerful and dominant and sexy as hell. Raising his head, Lance couldn’t hide his smugly satisfied smile.
Brian’s fingers stroked across Lance’s eyebrows. “Good morning,” he murmured.
“Good as hell,” Lance agreed, and kissed him again.
An incredibly irritating noise broke through Erik’s dreams. Groaning in denial, he burrowed into… Opening his eyes, Erik found himself staring at JC’s sleeping face. Well, that explained why he was so painfully hard.
The noise stopped. Erik raised his gaze past JC to where Howie was sitting up after having turned off the alarm. Greeting him with a smile, Howie leaned over JC and kissed Erik, giving him a tantalizing lick before whispering, “You were fantastic last night.”
Last night. Erik’s dick twitched. He’d been balls-deep in JC. He remembered the warmth and pressure of Howie’s chest against his back, remembered Howie’s voice seductive in his ear, remembered Howie guiding both him and JC to the ultimate climax. “You’re so fucking hot.” He kissed Howie with growing urgency, knowing that he wasn’t showing enough class but unwilling to hold back, expecting Howie to tame him.
But Howie didn’t seem particularly tame, himself. He kissed back with equal urgency, quickly climbing over JC and pushing Erik down, rubbing passionate hands up Erik’s chest and digging his nails in when his hard-on slid hotly against Erik’s. Erik groaned, grinding up against him, and Howie whispered, “Are you hard for me?”
God, “You’re so fucking hot,” Erik moaned, fitting his palms to the muscular curves of Howie’s ass, encouraging Howie to rock against him.
“I want you,” Howie whispered, and did a quick-and-dirty grind that had Erik seeing stars. “I want you,” Howie repeated insistently, demandingly, his kiss aggressive as he rubbed sluttishly into Erik’s hands. Erik had never seen Howie this forceful and he’d never seen Howie this eager, and just as he was rolling them both over to get on top and take advantage of it, Howie’s hand found his dick and he came, climaxing suddenly with a startled groan.
“God,” Erik moaned, coming back to himself. “God.” He opened his mouth to apologize; Howie and JC never seemed to care when he came, but he was used to being with women who definitely did. But the only sound that escaped him was a sudden, weak moan as Howie’s mouth found his ear.
After a thorough lick but before a teasing bite, Howie whispered, “You came on me.”
“Uh, yeah,” Erik said, searching for coherency as his hands roamed warm muscle. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say; his brain felt scrambled. He was stupid from orgasm, last night had been too good, this morning was unexpected - - what had gotten into Howie?
“Mmm.” Howie’s response was throaty and almost playfully aggressive. Or maybe just plain aggressive. “I liked it.”
Who the hell was he in bed with? Erik was incredibly turned on but also bewildered. Sliding his fingers into Howie’s hair, he tugged slightly; Howie leaned back into his touch, then kissed his mouth. “We have to go.”
What? Erik opened his eyes.
“JC and I,” Howie said, his gaze on Erik’s lower lip, his thumb caressing it. “I love your mouth,” he whispered. “We have somewhere to be this morning,” he continued. “But we’d love to…see you…later.”
“Yeah,” Erik said, transfixed by the desire in Howie’s lowered eyes.
Howie kissed him again. Slowly. Lingering. With a softly breathed, “Erik-Michael,” Howie pulled back, fingers drifting across Erik’s jaw. “I’m going to jump in the shower,” Howie said, and met his eyes with a warm smile. “I’m sure that you’ll find a creative way to wake JC.”
When Howie neatly shifted him aside and rolled out of bed, Erik watched Howie leave with amazed, curious eyes.
Dan had been out of bed for a few minutes before Justin made a quiet but distressed sound. Zipping up, he pulled on his shirt. Justin kicked at nothing, making agitated noises. “Hey,” Dan said softly, “Justin, it’s okay.” He brought his shoes and socks over and sat in front of Justin on the edge of the bed, putting a reassuring hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Hey, sunshine, wake up.”
With a startled noise, Justin jerked awake, staring at Dan with wide eyes. “Hey,” Dan said gently, waiting for Justin to recognize him. Suddenly, the confusion cleared and Justin relaxed, exhaling and sitting up. “Hi.”
“You don’t have to get up,” Dan said. “I’m going out to pick up breakfast. My treat, my surprise.”
“You don’t have to,” Justin said.
“I’ve been eating here every day on your dime,” Dan said. “I don’t mind making weak gestures to make it up to you.” With a grin, he pulled on his socks.
“Well, when you put it like that,” Justin said, and grinned back.
“I knew you’d see it my way.” Dan laced his sneakers. “Sorry about waking you up. I wanted to let you sleep, but…”
“No, it’s okay.” Justin rubbed both hands over his hair. “Where are you going?”
“I remember saying the word ‘surprise,’” Dan reminded him. “Don’t worry, it won’t be anything I can’t pronounce.”
“I’m reassured,” Justin said.
“Okay, I’m going,” Dan said, getting to his feet. Keeping his gaze above Justin’s neck, he said with a grin, “Maybe you could get dressed before I get back.”
JC closed the front door with Erik on the other side of it and walked back to where Howie was fixing his hair. “You look good,” he said, resting one shoulder against the doorframe.
“You look,” Howie kissed him and winked, “very good.” Howie gave his reflection a final check. “What are your plans for today?”
“Nothing important,” JC said. “What about you?”
“I wanted to talk to you about that,” Howie said, leaning back against the sink. He crossed his arms over his chest and met JC’s eyes. “You’re very special, JC.” His voice was contemplative but also serious. “You’re…different. I can tell you anything, and I can share everything with you. We’ve been working together so closely, we’ve been making all of our plans together, as a unit.”
“We work well together,” JC said. “I never would have expected these last few weeks to happen this way, but we’ve gotten so close…”
“The guys and I are getting together this morning,” Howie said. “We’re meeting at Kevin’s house to talk. It’s just to strategize and compare notes on the game, and that doesn’t sound like a lot, but we’re so used to it being just us…”
“That’s okay,” JC said. He didn’t expect to be invited into the sacred inner circle. He certainly wouldn’t invite Howie into a group meeting, and he wouldn’t intrude on the Boys’ time together.
“You and I have been sharing everything,” Howie said, “and I want to keep things that open between us. We’re working together, and anything that I decide about Erik concerns you, too. Everything that I learn from this meeting, I’d just come back and tell you about.” Howie paused. “I want you to come with me.”
“No,” JC said. He was surprised, but, “I’d be intruding. They’re probably going to want to talk about a lot of things that they don’t want to discuss in front of me.” He knew what it was like to have a circle of friends that intensely close. Even the most innocent of conversations could become too personal for outsiders. He and the guys tried to be their natural selves at all times, but they were always different whenever anyone else was in the room. The dynamic changed. It would be the same for the Boys, and he understood that.
“You’re a part of this,” Howie said. “You and I are equal, JC, we’re equal partners in this. If I’m going to a meeting about this game, then you should be there, too. We’re together, we’re a team. If I’m there, then I want you with me. Package deal.”
“Maybe you think that we’re equal, but I don’t think that everyone else would agree with that,” JC said. The Boys took their elevated status very seriously; he’d learned that the hard way.
“Maybe not,” Howie said, sliding his fingers meditatively up JC’s cheekbone. “You’re very special, JC. More than you realize. I see it, and so do other people. But you don’t have to convince anyone of anything. Everyone will see us as equals simply because that’s what we are. We don’t have to talk them into it, we just have to do it, and be it. Actions speak louder than words.”
When Nick opened Kevin’s front door, Brian walked in with a surprised smile. “How’d you get here this early?”
Nick closed the door, gracing Brian with a coy smirk. “Kevin knew I’d never drag my own ass out of bed and get here in time to talk before our special guest showed up, so I slept here last night.”
“Really?” Brian asked, his smile shifting from surprised to amused and devious. “Kevin must be in a good mood this morning.”
“He’s pretty mellow,” Nick admitted as the doorbell rang. “Hey, AJ,” he said, opening the door.
“Hey,” AJ said, entering the house. “What’s up?” he asked Brian.
“You look happy,” Brian said.
“AJ has a new lover,” Nick said.
“You can’t be talking about Justin,” Brian said. “He’s so tormented, he’s incapable of making anyone else happy.”
“Think tall, dark, and handsome,” AJ said.
“Think young, hung, and sprung over Justin,” Nick said.
“Dan?” Brian asked, curious.
“I have it on tape,” AJ said, holding up the cassette. “Not the time we actually got off, but the time the gallant white knight showed his true colors.”
“He’s not bad?” Brian asked.
“He shows a lot of potential,” AJ said, and flashed a grin. “He makes me hot.”
“Weird shit makes you hot,” Nick told AJ.
“Speaking of weird shit…” Kevin walked up behind them, joining them in the foyer. “How’s Justin?”
“The same,” AJ said. “Clinging to Dan and getting off on me and scraping the inside of his skull raw trying to think of a way to get you back.”
“Nice,” Nick said. “Can we sit down?”
Dan pulled Styrofoam cartons from the bags, spreading them across Justin’s dining room table.
“What the hell did you get?” Justin asked, sipping from the coffee Dan had brought.
“An assortment,” Dan said, opening cartons.
“An assortment,” Justin repeated, surveying the table.
“Belgian waffles,” Dan said. “Pecan waffles. Pecan pancakes. Strawberry pancakes. Blueberry waffles. Chocolate chip pancakes. Choose your poison.”
Justin hesitated.
Dan watched him closely, without pressure or judgment, simply waiting and gauging his reactions.
Justin’s fingers twitched. “There’s not enough cream,” he said, but he was talking to himself, and Dan knew it. “There’s never enough cream,” he added softly, and, slowly, sensuously, he licked his lips.
Dan knew that Justin had forgotten that he was in the room. It seemed like now that Justin was comfortable with him, Justin didn’t feel the need to try as hard to keep up the façade of normalcy. Justin trusted him enough, felt safe with him enough, to slip.
Discreetly, Dan turned his gaze to the breakfast foods, not wanting Justin to feel self-conscious when he returned to reality.
After a moment of silence, Justin said, “It all looks great,” as though nothing had happened. “It’s all terrific. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“You can start with the waffles,” Dan suggested. “I’ll start with the pancakes and race you.”
Justin’s laughter was shaky but real. “You’re on.”
As they sat, Justin reached for the blueberry waffles first, the emerald and gold bracelet on his wrist catching the light with the movement.
Getting out of the car and walking up to Kevin’s house, JC felt his heart clench and flutter at the sight of Nick’s car. The last time he’d seen Nick… Heat rose in JC at the memory.
Kevin opened the door. “Howie, JC, come in,” he said with a brief but welcoming smile. “We just started talking.”
JC followed Kevin and Howie into the house and into a comfortable room with masculine furniture and a TV mounted on one wall. AJ greeted him with a vague grunt, Brian with a friendly hello, Nick with a flirtatious smile that went straight to his dick. Kevin, AJ, and Nick were in armchairs; Howie and JC joined Brian on the sofa.
“How’s Erik?” Kevin asked.
“We brought him back into our relationship,” Howie said.
“Jacob said that Erik still hasn’t been home since he shared the good news,” Brian said.
“Did he say anything to you about that?” Howie asked JC.
“No,” JC said, wondering how he could have missed an obvious point like that.
“We dropped the ball,” Howie said to him. “We’ll have to cover that with him today.”
“Where would he be staying?” JC asked.
“At a hotel?” Brian guessed.
“Hey, as long as it’s not flooding and rat-infested, it’s better than where he’s been staying,” Nick said. JC smiled.
Erik walked into the house, heading for the staircase. He didn’t feel like listening to everyone yell at him; if he got to his room without being noticed, he’d be fine.
Howie had everything, everything in the world including the hottest, sexiest boyfriend humanly possible, and Howie was willing to share that boyfriend with Erik. Howie trusted him. His friends, people who lived with him and had known him for years, didn’t trust him. JC trusted him. JC was sharing Howie with him.
He hadn’t fucked Ashley’s girlfriend. He’d never tried. But Ashley was freaking out anyway. Hell, Howie encouraged Erik to fuck his boyfriend. Maybe the guys could learn a few things from that.
Erik reached the top of the stairs as Chris came out of Trevor’s bedroom. Erik glared and kept walking, going into his room and closing the door. Now no doubt Chris was going to tell Trevor, and Trevor was going to throw a fit.
It was Trevor’s fault that all of this shit was happening. He never would have said anything if Trevor hadn’t been pushing at him like that, accusing him of jackass bullshit every time he turned around. When JC and Howie had asked him to lie, he’d refused, because he couldn’t lie to the guys. Not to them, not about anything that serious. Their friendship came first.
Erik wasn’t sure what came first anymore, but it sure as hell wasn’t the guys. Not as long as they were treating him like dirt. He didn’t fucking deserve it.
Chris stepped into the kitchen doorway and cleared his throat. Ashley glanced at him, distracted; Trevor gave him a brief smile. “What’s up?”
“I don’t want to say anything,” Chris said, “but Erik’s home.”
“Erik?” Ashley repeated, straightening.
“I haven’t seen him in a few days, but that sure looked like him,” Chris said. “He’s in his room.”
Trevor and Ashley shared a glance. “Maybe I should talk to him, alone, first,” Ashley said.
“Talk to who?” Jacob’s voice was sharp. Chris looked over his shoulder; Jacob’s gaze was sharper.
“Erik’s up in his room,” Trevor said.
“Look, Laura said she was never with him,” Ashley said.
“Great,” Jacob snapped. “Then he’s a fucking liar instead of being a fucking two-faced backstabber.”
“Let me talk to him,” Ashley said. “Maybe-”
“No, that’s okay,” Jacob said. “I’ll talk to him.” Jacob was turning, heading for the stairs. Ashley ran after him. “Jake!”
“Damn it,” Trevor muttered, coming to the doorway. He hesitated, looking distractedly between Chris and the direction that Ashley and Jacob had gone. Frustrated, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Can you-”
“I’ll go,” Chris said. “It’s okay.”
“Thanks,” Trevor said. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay,” Chris said. Trevor’s kiss was warm and sweet. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” Dan wasn’t there, and Jacob’s personality was strong enough to overrule Ashley’s sensitivity, which meant that Erik was shit out of luck. “You have the least emotional stake in this, so maybe you can be the calm one.”
A door slammed. Jacob’s yelling was clearly audible. Trevor winced. “I’d better go.”
“It’ll be okay,” Chris said. “You’ll get through this. You’ve been through rough spots before, and you made it.”
“Yeah,” Trevor said, but he didn’t sound convinced.
JC hadn’t been alone with the Backstreet Boys since he’d been with Nick. At that time, he hadn’t thought twice about it. This morning, though, he couldn’t help but feel some tension. These were the people who’d destroyed his best friends. He couldn’t hate Nick for what Nick had done to him, but he could absolutely hate Kevin for the very serious damage done to Justin.
As they talked, JC listened, paying close attention. Looking for clues, maybe, as to how their minds worked. It was tempting, somehow, to view what had happened as bad break-ups, as lovers’ quarrels. Howie didn’t want Lance anymore, but Lance didn’t know how to let go; AJ had moved on from Joey but Joey wasn’t used to being dumped and was still hung up on him.
It was much more serious than that, much more grave, much more sick. JC knew that. And there was evidence of it, there in front of him. Even though Kevin was slow and calm, obviously relaxed, there was still a silent power around him, something to be respected. Something to be feared.
AJ was half-calm, half-restless, speaking quickly and firmly, gesturing as he spoke as though words weren’t enough. He wasn’t rude to JC, but he also wasn’t trying to make friends, which struck JC as honest behavior. But there was a dangerous edge to AJ, something unpredictable about him; and even while he was sitting absolutely still, there was a sharp watchfulness to his eyes that suggested that he was taking in everything.
It was easy for JC to be wary of Kevin and AJ, easy for him to keep up his guard. It was impossible for him to keep up his guard around Nick; one familiar smile across the room and he was Nick’s for life, all over again. And he knew that he couldn’t trust Brian. He’d seen how utterly devastated Chris was, and he knew that Brian had caused every bit of it. But Brian kept teasing the other guys, and saying affectionate things, and laughing with warm happiness. And Brian kept making the other guys laugh. Brian made Nick laugh. Brian flirted with Nick.
Brian loved Nick. It was there in his smile, there in his warmth, there in his eyes.
JC reminded himself that he’d seen Brian be that same way with Chris, and all of it had been faked. If Brian could pretend that well with Chris, JC had no reason to be impressed by it now that it was turned on Nick.
JC couldn’t trust Brian.
Even if Brian seemed like someone who’d spend his weekends walking around town helping little old ladies to cross the street.
Everything that they were saying matched what JC already had been told by his own friends. He heard some more details and strategies for future plans than he’d already been aware of, but nothing that contradicted the information he had.
When Kevin talked about Chris, occasionally he smiled, briefly but warmly, as though he were remembering a favorite joke. When the subject of Justin came up, he said nothing, and his expression became stone cold.
When AJ talked about Justin, he spoke with begrudging respect. When the subject of Joey came up, he smiled as though savoring particularly erotic memories.
When Brian talked about Lance, he blushed. He didn’t act any differently or sound any differently, but he blushed a hot, embarrassed red and didn’t quite meet JC’s eyes. When the subject of Chris came up, he didn’t react.
When Nick talked about Joey, he rolled his eyes a few times, but he also smiled a lot, and he referred to Joey as “my boyfriend” and “sweetness.” Which was just Nick being Nick, but JC didn’t like it.
When the subject of Lance came up, Howie didn’t express any more personal interest than he had when they were talking about anyone else.
It was difficult for JC to sit beside Howie and look across the room at Nick. He’d been making love with Howie, he’d been working with Howie, they’d developed a great partnership. But Nick was everything to JC, and being in the same room as Nick made JC weak in the knees and stiff in the dick and stupid in the head. His gaze kept sliding back to Nick, and a few times, he got so caught up with watching Nick that he missed solid minutes of conversation.
Nick’s feet were bare, tucked up on the chair with him. How could JC not be distracted by that? He was wearing a beaded leather bracelet; how could JC not stare when he toyed with it idly? He hadn’t done up his hair that morning, and it lay soft and flat; was JC supposed to do something besides gaze with longing and the desire to touch it?
Being near Nick was bringing JC vivid memories of the last time they’d seen each other. He remembered those slow, intimate kisses, the experienced stroking of Nick’s hands over his body, the thick plunge of Nick’s dick into his ass - - god, JC was getting hard and this meeting probably wasn’t the best time for it.
It wasn’t even like he could try to get some time alone with Nick, not right in front of Howie.
Nick shifted casually, thighs falling open, one hand lazily pushing back soft strands of blond hair.
God, JC wanted him. Squirming uncomfortably, fighting the urge to adjust himself in his pants, JC hastily considered his options. Nick wasn’t going to say yes to anything; he knew that. Nick had made an exception for the piercing, but that was it. That left Howie.
Howie wasn’t Nick, but god, he was still damned good. He really was an exceptional lover, and after all of their time together, JC’s body responded immediately to Howie’s touch; slow, gradually deepening kisses got him instantly hard, because he knew where they would lead.
Nick had fucked JC in Brian’s kitchen, in Howie’s bathroom, in Kevin’s guest room, in AJ’s garage, in Justin’s pool, in Lance’s hot tub, in Chris’s bathroom, and in Joey’s bed. But JC wasn’t sure if Howie would be willing to have sex with him in Kevin’s house, so he’d have to wait until the meeting ended and they went home.
Nick rubbed his thumb over the arch of one eyebrow.
How was JC supposed to endure this torture?
Chris called Brian. No answer. Voice mail. “I love you. Erik just resurfaced and Jacob’s screaming at him. I… I love you. Bye.”
Chris called Kevin. No answer. Voice mail. “Minion update. Erik’s back, so we’re in for some more turmoil. Trevor asked me to leave, but he tells me everything, so as soon as I see him later today I’ll know more.”
Chris rang Justin’s doorbell.
Justin opened the door, chest gleaming with sweat, shorts wet from it. “Hey. Chris. Come on in.”
“I like the new look,” Chris said.
“We were working out, but Dan just got a call from Trevor, so he’s about to go,” Justin said.
“Erik’s back,” Chris said.
“Trevor told you?” Justin asked.
“I was there,” Chris said.
“And now you’re here,” Justin said, sitting on the edge of the coffee table while Chris sat on the sofa.
“Sometimes I just want to be alone,” Chris said. “Sometimes I don’t think that it’s a good idea for me to be alone.”
Justin sighed, his expression reflecting his understanding. “I know what you mean.” Footsteps on the stairs; Justin turned his head, and Chris watched him break into an easy, natural smile as Dan came into view.
Dan made Justin happy. Chris watched Justin’s burden lift as Dan walked over to them. There was a warm, casual sparkle in Justin’s eyes that spoke of trust and affection and an abiding bond of friendship. Justin viewed Dan as good, and safe, when Chris hadn’t seen Justin open up for anyone, not one person, since Kevin.
“Hey,” Dan said to Chris.
“Howdy,” Chris said, sitting back and surveying the scene.
Dan was freshly showered and casually groomed, looking young and healthy and vibrant. He moved with calm confidence and even though he seemed distracted, there was a flash of affectionate warmth when he smiled at Justin. “Rain check on those push-ups.”
“Tomorrow,” Justin agreed.
“I’d better go,” Dan said. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay,” Justin said. His voice was warm but casual, his expression was warm but casual, as though he were speaking to any one of his close friends; but there was something overly attentive in his gaze that Chris couldn’t label.
“Good to see you,” Dan said to Chris. He squeezed Justin’s hand; Justin squeezed back and Dan left.
Justin watched him go, lingering even after Dan was out of sight.
“What’s that about?” Chris asked, kicking off his shoes and propping his feet beside Justin on the table.
Coming back to the moment, Justin scratched his head with an uneasy sigh. “He’s my sanity.”
“The person you and AJ have set out to destroy is your grip on reality?” Chris asked. “That sounds like a great idea.”
“AJ helps me to touch base with reality, he brings me back to earth. But Dan… I don’t know. He makes me feel normal again. He makes me feel like the guy I used to be, can exist.”
Chris understood that. Trevor reminded him that he wasn’t who he said he was, but also made him forget, sometimes, about the lies and the pretenses. It made for a weird blending of what might have been and what still could be.
“I should take a shower,” Justin said.
If Chris had been Lance, he might have pointed out that getting emotionally involved was an incredibly bad idea, especially considering how mangled Justin’s emotions already were. He also might have pointed out that Justin wasn’t going to be able to keep Dan from getting hurt. But he knew that those were facts Justin already knew, and that hearing them wouldn’t help. So he kept his mouth shut.
“Dan’s stronger than I expected him to be,” AJ said. “The boy’s got some backbone. He won’t touch Justin, and I don’t know anyone who’s strong enough to resist that invitation.”
JC glanced at Kevin; Kevin looked bored with the entire subject of Justin.
“I’ve been pushing at him a lot, to get a reaction,” AJ said. “It worked pretty well, but I don’t know if that’ll last. I don’t know if I’ll be able to control him.”
“Dan’s a nice guy,” Brian said, “but he’s strong-willed. He’s independent. He doesn’t have the same weaknesses as the other guys.”
“Weakness, I can exploit,” AJ said. “The only major weakness I’ve found so far is his need to protect Justin, and I’ve been using that. But that might not be enough ammunition. I have to keep the upper hand.”
“How have you been exploiting his protective instinct?” Kevin asked.
“Here, let me show you,” AJ said, reaching for the remote control. “I taped this, so I could show it to you. I want you to see this and help me figure out how well this is going.”
He’d videotaped it? JC watched the TV come on, disbelieving, then looked at Howie. Howie shrugged, looking as surprised as he was.
The tape started. AJ was opening the front door; Dan was outside. AJ said, “If you came here to harass me, fuck off. You had your chance, I offered to bargain with you, I gave you time to see things from my side. You blew me off. If-”
Dan said, “Shut up.”
Nick snickered. JC’s gaze flickered over to him.
Dan said that he wanted to make a deal. He and AJ bickered briefly over what AJ could call him. Then he and AJ began to argue over the terms of the deal. It was clear that Dan didn’t trust AJ, but he seemed to have been backed into a corner. He had to deal with AJ, had to give in a little, to get AJ to agree to stay away from Justin. He was at AJ’s mercy; everything hinged on AJ giving up Justin, and AJ had no reason to do so. But Dan refused to admit that he was in a position of weakness, refused to beg.
Dan was strong. AJ was right; Dan wasn’t going to be easily controlled.
Their conversation was oddly fascinating; they were both straightforward, and anger made them blunt. They both were saying exactly what they meant, no hinting or insinuating, only direct, no-frills statements. When AJ said, “You’re going to let me fuck you,” Dan didn’t even blink.
JC had to admire AJ’s performance. It was flawless. Harsh at the right times, emotional at the right times, always bold. He felt AJ’s pain; he believed AJ’s determination. And Dan was responding without a trace of fear, without even a trace of anxiety. It was clear that Dan hated AJ, that Dan was disgusted by AJ; he didn’t try to hide it.
When AJ leaned in, stroking the back of Dan’s neck, Dan looked repulsed.
“He’s going to let you kiss him?” Howie asked.
“He has to,” AJ said.
JC braced himself, expecting a disgusting molestation. AJ kissed Dan, and JC winced. Initially, the kiss was gentle, but completely one-sided. AJ’s tongue flicked out, and JC wondered how AJ could kiss someone who refused to react.
Dan’s lips parted.
“It’s about time,” Nick muttered.
Suddenly, with abrupt vehemence, Dan kissed AJ back, grabbing the strap of AJ’s tank top, yanking AJ’s body against his.
“Whoa,” Brian said.
“Damn,” Nick said. “What the hell is he doing?”
From there, the kiss became fierce and wild. They were pushing at each other, pulling on each other, growling and biting, snarling and licking. They were yanking on each other so hard, they were moving across the floor, and when they hit the wall, Dan slammed AJ back against it roughly. It looked like Dan was trying to punish AJ somehow, or maybe control him. It wasn’t even close to working.
When Dan’s hands cupped AJ’s ass, hiking AJ up against him, AJ made a sound that was at once so animal and so sexual that JC knew with sudden, startling clarity exactly why Joey wanted him. AJ wrapped around Dan, legs hooking around his waist, and Dan’s hand gripped AJ’s chin with bruising intensity, forcing his head back. They never stopped kissing, as though they were determined to eat each other alive, as though this were just a way of waging their war on another level.
Then Dan’s phone rang.
Dan stared at AJ in utter horror, then jerked back.
“He doesn’t have to look so horrified,” Nick said. “That’s kind of insulting.”
AJ spoke, giving Dan advice on Justin. The second that AJ stopped speaking, Dan ran. The door closed with a slam.
Lazily rubbing himself with one hand, AJ strolled over and turned off the camera.
“You can’t control that,” Brian said.
“But you can use it,” Kevin said.
Still feeling stunned, first by the fact that AJ was videotaping moments with Dan, and second by the aggressive, untamed animal passion that AJ - - and Dan! - - had displayed, JC didn’t know what to say. Rough, thorough fucking could be, god, gorgeous, but JC didn’t like lovers who were that wild; he preferred to be appreciated. Still, if circumstances had been different, if AJ weren’t the asshole who’d hurt Joey, JC might not have minded trying him out for a night.
But AJ was an asshole, and had broken Joey’s heart. And no matter how JC’s libido had reacted, Dan Miller was never going to be worthy.
They’d been biting each other. Biting. JC hated being bitten.
Except by Nick.
A hot shudder shimmied its way outward from deep inside JC as his eyes zeroed back in on their favorite target.
JC loved being bitten by Nick.
“Lance is good, isn’t he?”
Justin gave Chris a bewildered look. “Good at what?”
“Sex,” Chris said. “Fucking, he’s good at fucking, isn’t he?”
“I have no idea,” Justin said. He looked wary. “We shouldn’t talk about this.”
“He thinks he’s good,” Chris said. “That might not mean anything. That could be arrogant bull.”
Justin looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I don’t-”
“I want him to be good,” Chris said. “He has to be good, he has to make it good for, for him. I want-” His voice stopped working before he could get Brian’s name out. “I want it to be good.”
“I’m sure Lance knows what he’s doing,” Justin said. “You’ve seen him around guys. He can pick up anyone he wants. And his boyfriends,” Justin made a vague gesture; they’d never liked any of Lance’s boyfriends, “they’re all over him.”
“He can’t just be good,” Chris said. “He has to be good. Great. Phenomenal.”
“Lance is too confident to be lousy in bed,” Justin said. “He’s in his element when it comes to guys.”
“I don’t know if I’m good,” Chris said. “I can’t tell anymore.”
“Yeah,” Justin said, gaze turning inward. “Neither can I.”
Joey watched Lance as the waiter left the table. “Get the smirk off of your face.”
“What?” Lance asked innocently, unable to suppress a smug grin. He lowered his gaze to his plate with feigned discretion, lifting his fork.
“If you flirt any harder, he’s going to drop his pants and bend over right here at the table,” Joey said. “I’m trying to eat.”
“Was I flirting?” Lance asked with a sweetly baffled look of confusion.
Joey rolled his eyes. “You’ve been giving the Lance Bass Stare of Sex to every guy in this place. You even did it to me.”
“Oh,” Lance said. “Sorry.” He gave Joey an apologetic smile. “I feel like I’m wired. I’ve been having the most incredibly satisfying sex of my life. I haven’t fucked this well or this thoroughly since Howie.”
Joey’s expression was disbelieving. “You’re not telling me that Brian Littrell is a fantastic lay.”
Lance gave a quick look around to ensure privacy. “Brian’s incredible,” he told Joey. “He takes it like he needs it. Like he can’t breathe and my dick is pure oxygen. He begs me for it. He’s all over me.”
“All over you?” Joey asked, curious.
“All over me,” Lance repeated. “He can’t get enough of me. He’s insatiable, but it’s not just sex. He needs me.”
“Sounds good for your ego,” Joey said.
“Ashley has to be good for yours,” Lance said. “It sounds like he worships you.”
“Ashley thinks that the world revolves around my dick,” Joey said. “He’ll do anything for me.”
“Anything?” Lance asked, raising his eyebrows. “He proved that when he let you come on his face.”
“All I have to do is pull out my dick, and he gets on it. Goes right for it, starts giving me head, starts taking off his clothes while he’s sucking it, offers me his ass right then and there. In the middle of conversation, if I get bored with him, I just open my fly and take my dick out. In the kitchen, or while we’re watching TV, or when I’m on the phone.”
“All you have to do is show him your dick, and he’s on his knees giving you head, undressing himself?” Lance asked.
Joey grinned. “You think I’m shitting you.”
“I know you’re shitting me,” Lance said. “No one’s that much of a slut.”
“He wants me,” Joey said. “He’s in love with me. He’ll do anything for me. And,” Joey added, “if Brian wants you as much as you’re saying he does, you’d get the same thing from him.”
Lance narrowed his eyes. “Is that a challenge?”
“It’s a fact,” Joey said.
“You smug bastard,” Lance said. “Do you really have Ashley trained that well?”
“He’s in love with me,” Joey said. His smile was apologetic. “We both know how stupid and desperate people can get when they’re in love.”
Chris was telling Justin about Kevin’s new furniture in detail again. Justin hadn’t seen any of it yet, and he was pressing for details. When Chris got halfway through describing one of the rooms, Justin broke in. “What?”
“What?” Chris asked.
“The aquarium,” Justin said. “You said ‘aquarium.’”
“Yes, ‘aquarium,’” Chris repeated. “What?”
“Are there fish in it?”
Raising his eyebrows, Chris said, “Yes. That’s what it’s for. It’s a habitat for pet fish.”
“How many fish?” Justin asked. “What kind? Are they alive? Are they new? When did he get them?”
“They’re new,” Chris said. “It was empty for a while,” he admitted, “but he got new shiny fish, blue and shimmery. I don’t know what they’re called.”
“They’re new,” Justin repeated. “It was empty.”
“What’s wrong?” Chris asked, concerned.
“Did he say what happened to the old ones?”
“No,” Chris said. “Do you want me to ask him?”
“No!” Justin’s vehemence startled Chris. “No, don’t ask him, don’t say anything.” He tucked one leg up, wrapping his arm around it. “Don’t say anything.” Clearly disturbed, he stared at nothing, fingers twitching. “Empty. New, he got new ones. How long was it empty?” he asked Chris suddenly.
“I don’t know,” Chris said. “Weeks now. I don’t remember seeing fish after the first night I was there.”
“I didn’t want to know,” Justin said to himself. “I didn’t want to know. I didn’t do it, I know I didn’t do it, I couldn’t have done it.”
“You probably didn’t,” Chris said.
“Are you good?” Abruptly, sharply focused eyes pinned Chris. “Are you good? Do you make it good for him?”
“I don’t know,” Chris said honestly, following the sudden shift in topic. “He likes me, but he’s never seemed impressed. I’m not trying to impress him.” Chris had a wealth of sexual experience; he and Brian had covered every position and technique possible. But he didn’t pull out all of the stops for anyone but Brian. Brian deserved his best. Sex with other people was just…sex.
Justin got up and walked a few feet away, turning his back. “I love him.”
“I know,” Chris said quietly, respectfully.
“If he doesn’t want me…” Justin’s voice shook with hatred, betrayal, self-loathing. “Why does he want you?”
“Either he doesn’t want me, or he does want you,” Chris said. “There’s no way he’d ever want me and not want you.” He believed that, despite what Kevin said. Maybe because of what Kevin said. That kind of rage had to come from a place of great passion. Even a twisted, angry, bitter passion was still passion. And the disgust in Kevin’s voice, well, Kevin seemed disgusted with everybody; that wasn’t Justin-specific.
Chris might have been comforted if Brian had hated him as much as Kevin hated Justin. Hatred, at least, was an emotion. But Brian’s emotions didn’t work the way other people’s did. And Chris had no way of guessing how Brian felt about him.
“Joey came over here.” Justin turned, moving restlessly around the room. “He told me what AJ likes. How AJ likes to be fucked. How AJ likes to get head.” He choked on his own laughter. “He was training me on how to please his ex. He was giving me pointers to improve my sex life with the man he’s in love with.”
Chris could only imagine how much Joey had hated that conversation.
“Should I do that with you?” Justin asked, hugging himself and glaring at Chris. “Should I tell you what Kevin likes? Should I tell you how I get him hot? Should I tell you the way he likes to be-”
“No,” Chris said with firmness, with clarity. “No. Your relationship, your history, your techniques, your moves, that’s all yours. I have nothing to do with that. If Kevin wants me to do something different from what I’m already doing, he can tell me that himself. He’s not a shy man, and he won’t be afraid to speak up about what he likes. Whatever you do for him, that’s special, that’s for him, that’s from you.”
Slightly reassured but still tense with pain, Justin turned his head, looking out the window. “Joey told me how to give AJ head. The way AJ likes it. Am I supposed to do that? Am I supposed to give AJ head the way Joey does? I have my own technique, I know what I’m doing, AJ’s never complained about it. Now I’m supposed to imitate Joey? If AJ wants it like that, he can hook up with Joey. I’m not going to be Joey’s stand-in.”
Chris looked at Justin’s profile. “You’re a strong man,” he said. His voice softened. “Stronger than I am.”
“No,” Justin said, facing Chris. “You’re the strongest person I know. You’re strong enough to love him, despite everything. You’re strong enough to live for him. You’re strong enough to walk back into hell. It doesn’t take a lot of courage to run away. What takes a lot of courage is going back for more.”
Lance buckled his seatbelt and turned on the radio.
He hadn’t been one hundred percent honest with Joey. When he’d said that he’d been having the most incredibly satisfying sex of his life, he hadn’t meant only Brian. He’d meant Jacob, too.
He despised Jacob. He wanted to snap the mangy fucker’s neck. But there was something thoroughly satisfying about fucking the bitch. Maybe because of their mutual hatred, the fire burned hot and bright between them, and when Lance thrust into that fucker’s tight little ass… God…
Brian was magnificent. Brian was like a lover, needy and insatiable but affectionate and loving. Brian looked at him with heat, touched him with desire, kissed him with passion.
Lance hated Jacob, but Lance was learning to love to hate Jacob. Jacob’s bitchy resentment of him made him want to punch the little shit, but he couldn’t hit Jacob; the only physical contact between them was sexual. Sometimes he got aggressive. Sometimes he held back and let the fire burn.
“Maybe the problem is that Dan sees you as his enemy,” Nick said. “You’re one hundred percent threat to Justin. All he ever sees you do is smack people around.”
“It would help if he’d see you as less than one hundred percent threat,” Brian agreed.
“So I have to play nice?” AJ asked.
“He’ll never buy that,” Kevin said. “And you don’t pull off nice very well when you don’t mean it.”
“You’re supposed to be in love with Justin. You didn’t even say anything about that when you were talking to him,” Nick said, gesturing at the screen. “It was all about you and a bunch of threats.”
“Show Dan your weakness,” Brian said. “He has to know how much you love Justin.”
“That’s part of our deal,” AJ said. “I make him tell me all about Justin, everything, the socks he wears, the toothpaste he’s using.”
“It may not be enough coming from you,” Kevin said. “You have to reinforce it. You can’t just say that you love him and miss him, you have to make Dan believe it.”
“How well can you pine for Justin?” Brian asked. “What kind of a performance can you give?”
“Justin’s sex on a stick,” AJ said. “It’d be easy to pine for him.”
“We’re all in contact with Dan’s friends,” Howie said. “Now that Erik’s made his return, JC and I are going to be back in the house. We could say things to Dan directly, and whatever we say to Erik is bound to get back to Dan.”
“If we see Dan, we should say something to him,” Brian agreed. “And, if we ever catch Justin with Dan at the house, or out in the clubs, we should say something to Justin in front of Dan.”
“Justin works best when he’s not acting,” AJ said, “so don’t warn him. He gives the perfect reaction in the moment.”
JC’s phone rang. “Sorry,” he said, checking it.
“Go ahead,” Howie said. “I think we’re almost done here.”
It was Chris. “Excuse me,” JC said, and stepped out of the room. “This is JC.”
“Is Lance good?” Chris asked.
“What?” JC asked.
“Lance,” Chris said. “Is he good?”
“At what?” JC asked, feeling oddly scattered. Too much tension, too much time in enemy territory, too many conflicting emotions, too much exposure to Nick.
“Sex,” Chris said, nearly shouting it.
Oh. Oh! Oh, shit. “Uh…” Damn it. “Yes,” JC said.
“How good?” Chris demanded.
JC hesitated, stepping further down the hallway. “Very good.”
“Are you sure?” Chris asked.
“Yes,” JC admitted.
“You’re picky as hell, right?”
“Yes,” JC said.
“If Lance weren’t Lance, would you do him?”
If Lance weren’t Lance? “I’d give him the ride of his life.” JC had come to grips with that a while ago. So had Lance. Theoretically, they were perfect for each other; and as closely intertwined as their lives were, the more sexually active they became, the more they became aware of each other’s potential. But, frankly, there was just no way. JC loved Lance; he was so close to Lance that the idea of introducing sex into their friendship was something he couldn’t conceive. They both knew that, if they’d ever choose to have sex with each other, it would be incredible. But it was never going to happen. And neither one of them had ever wanted it to.
“Lance is good,” Chris said. “Good enough for you. He’s good, he knows how to make it good, he knows what he’s doing…”
Chris kept talking, rambling over and over the same points. The meeting was breaking up; Howie came out into the hallway, the other guys wandering out behind him in mid-conversation.
“Chris,” JC said, breaking into the agitated babble. “Chris,” he repeated, since the first one hadn’t gotten Chris’s attention. “I have to go.”
“Is that Chris?” Kevin asked. “Do you mind if I talk to him? I try not to show up on his caller ID.”
Since Chris and Kevin were working together, JC would look stupid if he said no. So, even though he would have preferred to have his friends as far away as possible from Kevin, he said, “Okay,” and handed over his phone.
“Thank you,” Kevin said, taking it. “Chris,” he said firmly, and JC heard the babble cut off immediately.
“When he’s finished, we can go,” Howie said to JC. “Hold that thought,” he said, and turned to AJ.
Now not otherwise occupied, JC was free to let his attention wander back to Nick, who was mere feet away, talking to Brian.
“Ashley doesn’t love you?” Brian asked Nick, sounding confused.
“No,” Nick said. He didn’t seem at all worried about it. “He’s in love with Joey, and that’s blocking him from falling for me. He likes having sex with me, but the love isn’t there yet. He’s too consumed by Joey, and he’s too loyal. Once Ashley’s emotions get committed to something, it’s hard for him to let go.”
JC was going to kill Ashley. Ashley was involved with Nick, having sex with Nick, a part of Nick’s life, and wasn’t in love? That fucking bitch, that fucking whore, that immature unworthy self-involved-
“You don’t seem to mind,” Brian said.
“It’s okay,” Nick said, shrugging, pushing his hair back. “He’ll fall in love with me sooner or later.” His gaze found JC; he grinned. “Tell Brian I’m irresistible and I don’t have a thing to worry about.”
Nick had a way of doing that; he wasn’t quite taking JC for granted, he was simply including JC and the love that JC had for him as a fact of his life. He wasn’t rudely dismissive of JC’s love; he was matter-of-fact about it, like he was still fond of JC and respected JC enough not to tiptoe silently around JC’s sacred feelings.
“Nick’s irresistible,” JC said. He gazed into Nick’s eyes and wished that he’d never have to look away. “He doesn’t have a thing to worry about.”
“I told you,” Nick said to Brian. He kissed JC with gentle affection. “See you later, baby,” he whispered, then kissed JC’s cheek and turned away. He said good-bye to everyone else, and left.
Trying to take having been kissed in stride, JC forced himself to give Brian what he hoped was a natural-looking smile.
“I think it’s great that the two of you can still be close,” Brian said.
Close? They were close? Were they close? JC went weeks, months, without so much as speaking to Nick. They never saw each other. They were fucking each other’s best friends. They only had sex when circumstances combined and Nick felt indulgent. JC had to shove metal through his own flesh to get Nick’s attention. Did that make them close?
“I haven’t been able to build a friendship with Chris,” Brian said.
That was such a bizarre thing for Brian to have said, that JC stared at him in stupefaction.
“I’m sorry,” Brian said. “I know how everything looks, and I don’t expect you to understand. I know that none of you will forgive me. Not…not even Lance.” Blushing prettily, Brian lowered his gaze. “I don’t expect to be forgiven. Chris was terribly hurt, and you’re his best friends. But Lance has been…giving me a chance to…be close to him, and…”
“JC doesn’t want to hear how in love with Lance you are,” AJ said. “Come on, let’s get out of here before you embarrass yourself.” Taking Brian’s elbow, AJ said, “JC,” and towed Brian towards the front door.
“He’s not really in love with Lance,” JC said to Howie. “Is he?”
“Of course he is,” Howie said, just as Kevin stepped up to them.
“Thanks,” Kevin said, handing JC his phone.
“Thanks,” JC said, pocketing it. “Of course he is?” he asked Howie.
“Didn’t Lance tell you?” Howie asked.
“I didn’t believe it,” JC said. For that matter, “Lance didn’t believe it, either.”
“He should,” Kevin said.
Brian was in love with Lance? JC couldn’t wrap his mind around it. It couldn’t be true.
“I’ll see you later,” Howie said to Kevin.
“Bye,” Kevin said.
“Bye,” JC said.
Brian was in love with Lance?
If - - and it was a huge if - - it was true, Chris was going to be destroyed.
Brian and Lance?
Actually, they wouldn’t make a bad couple. JC just hadn’t thought about it, because he’d never considered it as a real option. But they might be pretty good together.
What was next? Kevin falling for Chris?
Starting the car, Howie turned and kissed him, tucking his hair behind his ear and gently licking his mouth. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“It was interesting,” JC said.
“I don’t,” Howie lowered his gaze, trailing his fingers down JC’s cheek, “I don’t like seeing Nick kiss you. I understand why you watch him the way you do, but… I’d like to keep the fantasy going, at least for now, that your lips are mine.”
It had been a strange morning. JC had been in a room with three people he didn’t know and didn’t trust; in a room with Nick, not being able to go near Nick but feeling his heart leap in his chest every time he looked in Nick’s direction. But through each moment, Howie had been right beside him, someone he felt comfortable with, someone familiar, someone he could go home with when it ended. JC kissed Howie, slowly, sucking softly on his tongue. “For now,” he whispered, “until this is over, they are.”
“You’ve been Justified.”
“Hey.” AJ’s voice was low and suggestive, sexy and teasing. “Let me take you dancing.”
“Now?” Justin asked. Half of him wasn’t sure he was up for it; seeing AJ and having sex seemed like a lot of work. Half of him started gearing up, already getting ready for it, telling him to take advantage and get the release of fucking while he could.
“Now,” AJ said.
“Dan’s not here,” Justin said.
“I’m on my way.”
Chris hung out, braiding ties, while Kevin examined the contents of his closet. Some items Kevin was setting aside; some items Kevin was dropping to the floor. Kevin kept muttering things about “should have done this before.” Chris had to admit that, overall, Kevin was a better dresser than he was. Or maybe Kevin was just better-looking in general, and that made Kevin’s clothes look better.
Yeah. Maybe Kevin was better-looking than he was.
“What are you giggling about?” Kevin asked, glancing at him over one shoulder.
“I don’t giggle,” Chris said. “Do you think that you’re better-looking than I am?”
“I haven’t put too much thought into it,” Kevin said.
“That’s not an answer,” Chris said. “All you have to do is say, ‘Oh, god, yes, of course I am, what are you, blind?’”
“I don’t know,” Kevin said. He dropped an orange plaid shirt to the floor and studied Chris, stepping forward and lifting Chris’s chin. Chris found himself gazing up into speculative green eyes. “Sometimes you have a very elfin look, and that works for you. Sometimes you have a demonic look, but you know that.”
Brian had liked his elf ears.
“You’re very sexy, when you want to be,” Kevin said. His fingers slid down Chris’s neck, curling around Chris’s necklace. “You’d be even sexier if you smiled more.”
“There isn’t much to smile about anymore,” Chris said. He blinked, startled. “You just called me sexy.”
Kevin smiled, his thumb stroking Chris’s neck. “I did.”
Chris personally found himself to be extraordinarily sexy quite often, but he hadn’t expected Kevin to find him all that hot. Kevin was, after all, a prime specimen, and after looking at himself in the mirror, it had to be hard for Kevin to look at other people. Also, Kevin had sex with people like, for example, Justin, and even though Chris was capable of being terrific in bed, ever since Brian he’d been singularly depressing. Not sexy.
Kevin uncurled his fingers from Chris’s necklace, brushed his knuckles across Chris’s cheek, and went back to work. “Wear clothes from this section,” he said, clearing space on a bar and hooking hangers over it.
“What about the clothes on the floor?” Chris asked.
“Burn them,” Kevin said, moving more hangers. “Try these on, I want to see how they fit,” he said, handing Chris a pair of jeans.
“They fit like jeans,” Chris said.
Kevin raised his eyebrows.
“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Chris said, and unzipped.
“I’m going to give you a call soon,” Kevin said as Chris changed. “I need you to have a very bad fight with Trevor.”
“Okay,” Chris said, tugging the jeans up over his ass. “What are we fighting about?” He and Trevor got along remarkably well. Almost frighteningly well. He wasn’t giving Trevor the boyfriend look like Justin was giving Dan, but - - or was he? Concerned, Chris buttoned his fly.
“You can reason it out,” Kevin said. “Turn around for me.” Chris slowly shuffled in a circle. “What are the major problems in your relationship?”
“My sexual performance is inadequate, I’m in love with someone else, and both of us keep disappearing without explanation.”
“You can stop turning,” Kevin said with a smile. “Try these jeans and this shirt.”
“All of my clothes look the same,” Chris said.
“No, they don’t,” Kevin said. “Especially not from behind.”
If Kevin had been checking out his ass… Chris felt it with both hands, testing.
“You’re in love with someone else,” Kevin said. “Your relationship with Trevor has stalled, it can’t progress, it’ll never get any farther than it is at this moment unless you get over me. Which you can’t do.”
“For obvious reasons,” Chris said.
Kevin smiled. “Thank you.”
“And we probably shouldn’t trust each other,” Chris said. “Since we both disappear without explanation.”
“This looks good,” Kevin said, studying him. “Try this shirt.”
“I hope that there’s a point to this,” Chris said, stripping out of his shirt.
“No,” Kevin said. “I just like seeing your body.”
Chris paused, half-in and half-out of the shirt.
Kevin smiled at him.
“Don’t tease the mentally ill,” Chris said.
“Who said I was joking?” Kevin asked.
There was a sparkle in Kevin’s eye that reminded Chris of his beloved Brian. Unable to deny the wishes of that sparkle, he completed his latest clothing change.
“I want you to make Trevor fight with you,” Kevin said. “Push his buttons, fight dirty if you have to. Make him mad. Keep pushing until it goes too far. He has to get so frustrated and so angry that he ends your relationship.”
“I can pick a fight,” Chris said. They hadn’t even officially become boyfriends, and he was going to get dumped?
“Don’t say anything you can’t take back or explain away later,” Kevin said. “Use the main conflicts. Accuse him of hiding things from you, bring up the fact that he’s sneaking around. Accuse him of being jealous of me.”
“He is jealous of you,” Chris said. “Or else he’s jealous of me. I’m not sure.”
“There’s something that you have to keep in mind,” Kevin said. His gaze was direct; his hand raised Chris’s chin again. “Chris,” Kevin said quietly. “You have known the greatest love of a lifetime. You have experienced a love, a bond, a passion, that no one else can comprehend. Trevor cannot compete with that. He’ll never compare with that. Nothing will ever be that way again.”
Chris breathed softly, looking up at Kevin. Brian…
“You will never love Trevor. He should stop asking you to try. Chris, he’s stepping in right behind Brian, asking for your love, expecting equal treatment. Who does he think he is? How dare he come behind Brian, talking about love? Does he think that his shallow lust means anything after you’ve experienced the romance, the love, that Brian gave you? Does he think that you’ll be interested in sharing his life and sharing his bed after you’ve been with someone who makes your entire world come alive?”
Trevor could never compare with Brian. Brian was Brian. In comparison, Trevor was…no one.
“Trevor isn’t good enough for you,” Kevin said. “He isn’t strong enough. He isn’t man enough. He’s a kid playing dress-up. What does he know about what you’ve experienced? What does he know about real love? What does he know about you? What does he know about Brian?”
No one understood what Chris had been through. No one understood Brian.
No one except maybe Justin.
No one except maybe Kevin.
Chris wondered how well Kevin knew Brian. Kevin knew Brian on the Backstreet level, and that bond was powerful. Kevin also was Brian’s family, biologically connected, privy to intimate memories and family secrets. No one else was linked to Brian as closely as Kevin was.
“Brian loves you,” Chris said. He couldn’t get over it. There were people, people he knew, whom Brian loved. People Brian actually loved, truly loved, cared about and laughed with and bonded with. People who were a daily part of Brian’s life.
“Yes,” Kevin said. “He does.”
Chris stared at Kevin, frustrated, wondering. “What do you have that I don’t?” Kevin had complete and permanent access to Brian. Chris could only dream of such a thing.
Kevin kissed Chris’s forehead, brushing the backs of his fingers over Chris’s temple. His touch was patronizing but tender, and there was affection in his eyes. “You know the answer to that.”
He did: Kevin was a Backstreet Boy. But things couldn’t be that simple. It couldn’t all come down to that.
Except…it did.
After the meeting, they’d made love, then ordered in lunch. Howie needed the food; JC had been needy and demanding, too worked up over Nick to find quick satisfaction. As they ate, Howie let his gaze linger on JC. Mentally, he catalogued the expressions crossing JC’s face. JC was thinking about the meeting. Curious. Suspicious. Unsure.
JC’s ego was easily stroked. So was his prostate. Flattering him and fucking him were two simple ways to keep him in line. JC was too proud for his own good. He knew how unnaturally sexy he was, and he liked thinking that the people he wanted, wanted him back.
He enjoyed having an elevated status. He liked being invited into a higher circle. He liked being treated as an equal, as an object of desire, by someone of a higher rank. He’d learned that Nick was in a class above him, and he put Howie and the other Boys in that class, by virtue of their association with Nick. Now, Howie was treating him well, and in his mind, he was hoping for that treatment to extend and, eventually, come from Nick.
Because things had gotten off to such a rocky start, JC was telling himself that he was more at ease than he was; in the back of his mind, he had doubts, questions, suspicions, fears. But Howie wasn’t giving him any room to voice them. JC had no reason to question anything anymore. Howie was deliberately giving him a peaceful paradise of sex, flattery, and companionship. JC had nothing to complain about.
Bringing JC to the meeting had been a calculated risk. It had been set up to give JC a sense of superiority from being included, but it also might have exposed JC to a few too many unpleasantries too early. Fortunately, they’d all been on their best behavior. They’d been a suspiciously well-behaved, actually, but JC wouldn’t be able to bring that into focus.
Watching JC eat and think, Howie let his mind drift back to his seduction of Lance. Seducing Lance hadn’t been as easy as seducing JC. Then again, JC was damaged goods.
Lance hadn’t wanted to fall in love with him. Lance had wanted to date him, have sex with him, have an open relationship. Lance hadn’t been willing to commit, and had resisted falling in love. But when Lance had fallen…
Lance was more complex than people gave him credit for. He was a man at war with himself.
Brian didn’t…appreciate Lance the way that Howie did.
No one could.
“Did you know that AJ was going to be bringing a tape of Dan?” JC asked.
Of course he had. They’d had to choose the perfect moment for JC to see. Nothing that involved him or one of his friends; nothing that involved actual sex; nothing that involved Howie or Nick. But Howie wasn’t going to explain that to JC. “No, I had no idea,” he said, shading his voice with remnants of mild surprise.
“Then that’s not a regular part of your meetings?” JC asked, already putting humor in his voice, anticipating the right answer.
“No, it’s not,” Howie said, injecting humor into his own voice to match JC’s. “AJ wanted our input on the situation. We never get to see him interact with Dan, so it was helpful to see what he’s actually saying and how he’s presenting himself. I didn’t expect to see that kiss, though.”
“No, neither did I,” JC said with a nervous laugh.
JC had enjoyed seeing the kiss, but wasn’t sure if it was safe to admit that. Howie gave him an opening. “It was kind of disgusting to see Dan on AJ like that, but there was a lot behind the intensity of it.”
“They were pretty aggressive,” JC said.
JC was letting his sexual interest in Nick and Howie bleed out to the other guys and color his perceptions of AJ, Kevin, and Brian. And, he was a demanding, pampered bottom; the idea of having someone dominant and aggressive give it to him probably was dangerously exciting.
Howie smiled at him. “I don’t know who expected that less, AJ or Dan.”
JC’s smile was warm and teasing, but there was a subtle hint of “please reassure me” behind his words. “You’re not videotaping me, are you?”
He already had. Time for the warm, confused voice and the endearingly sincere smile. “JC, I’d never tape you without your permission. I could never betray your trust like that.” He gazed into JC’s eyes. I could never betray your trust. I could never betray you, like Nick did. I’m nothing like him. You can trust me.
JC smiled gently, mollified by the desire and affection in Howie’s eyes. JC’s hand slid across the table, covering Howie’s. “Thank you for taking me with you to the meeting.”
“We’re in this together,” Howie said. He briefly debated pushing JC into inviting him to one of the *NSYNC group meetings. It might be worth it, just for laughs. “It’s important to me,” he dropped his eyes and then met JC’s eyes again, earnestly, “I really want for us to understand each other. If I keep anything from you, you might misunderstand me, and we could make a mistake with Erik. Things have been going so well, I don’t want to jeopardize that.”
“I don’t want to make a mistake, either,” JC said. “Not with Erik,” he hesitated, “and not with you.” Conflict crossed JC’s face. He still didn’t trust Howie one hundred percent. And the way he was stroking Howie’s knuckles, he kept running across the ring Howie wore. The ring he clearly didn’t like but never had managed to mention. It looked like today might be the day. “This ring is great,” JC said, looking down at it. His expression was suspicious one second, nervous the next, as he met Howie’s eyes again.
“Thanks,” Howie said, glancing at it and then giving JC a warm smile. It was the most expensive piece he owned. “It’s a little flashy, but I like it.”
“Who gave it to you?”
Poor JC; not at all subtle. Howie chuckled. “I honestly don’t remember.”
“You told Erik that it was from an old lover,” JC said.
“I thought I’d give him something to live up to,” Howie said. “Really, I remember that it was a Christmas gift, but I can’t remember who gave it to me. One of the Boys, probably.”
It had been from Lance, and it hadn’t been a Christmas gift at all. Howie smiled and dared JC to call him on it.
JC smiled back, wary but backing down.
Howie had to give it to him; Nick had trained JC well. JC had learned that conflict lead to abandonment, and he didn’t want to repeat the past. Howie wasn’t as vital to JC’s existence as Nick was, but his presence in JC’s life echoed JC’s relationship with Nick, and there were too many parallels for JC to avoid at least partially falling into the old patterns.
Howie changed the subject, frowning in amused puzzlement. “Where do you think Erik’s been staying?”
“In a hotel,” JC guessed. “I just wonder how long it’s going to take before he can go home.”
“It takes a committed group to get over what he said he did,” Howie said. “They might not let him back in.”
“Into the house, or into the group?” JC asked.
Howie paused before answering, letting the question echo in JC’s mind. “Maybe both,” he finally said, and watched JC’s eyes. This was a time for JC to realize how high the stakes really were. They were causing permanent damage to real people’s lives, to friendships, to careers. They were destroying lives, relationships, psyches. They were breaking up O-Town. Howie was certain that JC hadn’t thought of it in concrete terms before.
JC looked down, blinking a few times, thinking. Letting it sink in. Visibly questioning his own role, his own willingness, his own commitment.
There were ramifications. Every action had a consequence. If JC hadn’t learned that from dealing with Nick, then Howie would teach him, on this side of the fence.
Gently, Howie placed his hand over the back of JC’s. “This is going to get complicated. If you’re not sure-”
“No,” JC said quickly, looking up again. “No, it’s okay. I was just thinking about their fans.”
That wasn’t true, but Howie let the lie pass. “It’ll be okay,” Howie promised. He smiled. “We can make it up to them. We’re not going anywhere. And, we harmonize.” He left it up to JC’s interpretation as to whether he meant his own group, or the Boys and *NSYNC.
“They were never going to last,” JC said.
JC was trying to convince himself. Howie didn’t care enough to need to massage his own conscience. O-Town had been doomed from the start, for a startling number of reasons, only a handful of which were actually the fault of the group members. They were fated to fade out; maybe this way, instead of fading, they’d go out with a bang. In the end, the result was the same. The band would break up, and in the end, they’d be another footnote in the history of reality TV, sandwiched between “The Real World” and “American Idol.”
Posters would be taken down from walls. CD’s would gather dust. Tattoos would be removed. In five years, ten years, no one would care. In twenty years, fifty years, no one would remember. O-Town wouldn’t even be a memory.
But JC… JC would remember. JC wouldn’t be able to forget. The knowledge, the guilt, the responsibility, would eat at him. He’d always hate himself for it. He’d never forget it, and he’d never fully recover. A stained conscience was a terrible thing. There would be blood on JC’s hands. A sharp-toothed monster lurking in his soul. He’d have to live with his crimes, the lives viciously destroyed, the careers trashed, the relationships torn apart, the innocent young men devastated for the sake of ego.
Erik was a victim.
JC was a villain.
Howie smiled.
Kevin had laid out more details before him. Now Chris knew what to wear, what to say, what to do, what to think. Armed with a reassuring amount of information, Chris felt prepared for the upcoming battle.
The conversation had proceeded with Kevin’s usual brisk, businesslike air, but at odd moments it had seemed like Kevin was…flirting with him? Disturbing.
Chris walked Kevin to the garage. Kevin had parked there in case Trevor showed up suddenly; Chris and Trevor had a tendency to pop up to see each other without warning. They were an accepted part of each other’s lives.
Turning on the
light, Chris stayed in the doorway. Kevin turned to face him. There was
something pensive, thoughtful, in Kevin’s expression. “You trust him because
you know that he’s coming to see me,” Kevin said. “Why does he trust you?”
Chris hesitated. He’d considered himself lucky to get away with it,
because vanishing to see Kevin and sneaking off to see Brian had meant a lot of
disappearing. Trevor had taken all of it in stride. Trevor was an incredibly
understanding, supportive, accepting person.
Did… Was… “He’s in love with me,” Chris said, looking up into Kevin’s eyes.
Kevin smiled.
“He’s in love with me,” Chris said. Oh, god, now what? “I thought he was, I said that he was, he admitted that he was - - but I didn’t mean it! It wasn’t real love, it was crush love, the kind that makes for a good boyfriend situation, not the kind that’s real, not the kind that lasts, not the kind that really means something!”
“He’s in love with you,” Kevin said, looking pleased.
“Oh, shit!” God, this wasn’t happening. “Did you know about this?”
“I suspected it,” Kevin said. His fingers stroked along the side of Chris’s neck, making Chris twitch. “I knew it would happen, eventually. He was bound to fall in love with you.”
“Because I’m such a damned good catch?” Chris asked, distracted by the touching thing.
Kevin’s smile showed teeth. “Yes.”
“He can’t be in love with me,” Chris protested. “I’m not ready for that.”
Long fingers hooked in Chris’s necklace and tugged gently as Kevin leaned in. “It’ll be okay,” Kevin promised, and kissed him.
Oh. Kissing. Really? Okay. Mmm. Nice. Chris closed his eyes, letting his lips part for the possessive slide of Kevin’s tongue. His hands rose, taking hold of Kevin’s biceps, as fingers released his necklace and a warm hand slid around to the back of his neck. While Chris fell into the rhythm of Kevin’s slow kiss, a strong arm wrapped around his waist and brought him up against Kevin’s chest. It was like being urged onto a wall of muscle, firm and broad, and Chris’s dick perked up noticeably as his body remembered that Kevin was not only a darned good dictator but an excellent sex partner as well.
A slow, lingering kiss, a warm, quiet sound, and Kevin raised his head. “I’ll call you.”
Chris licked his lips. “Okay.”
Kevin released him, and Chris hastily remembered to ungrip Kevin’s biceps, and Kevin gave him a smile and got into the car.
Chris let up the garage door, waved good-bye, and rubbed his own upper arms. Not quite the same.
So. Well. Okay, then. Chris let down the garage door and went back into the house.