"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part twenty-two...

Erik cheerfully strolled into the house, letting the door close loudly behind him. “Hey! How’s it hangin’!”

“Short, shriveled, and always to the left,” Ashley called from the front room where he was sitting with Dan. “Get in here, we’re watching your new TV without you.”

“Hey, you’re here,” Trevor said, coming through from the kitchen. “Help me carry something.”

Erik took a bowl of popcorn from Trevor’s hands. “Breakfast of champions,” he said, following Trevor to the sofa. “What are we watching?”

“Does it matter?” Trevor asked. “This thing makes deodorant commercials look like movies.” He distributed sodas and sat beside Dan. “How’s your sex life?” he asked Erik.

“Fantastic,” Erik said. “Fuck-ing fan-tas-tic. Are we all home again?” he asked, taking the bag of chips from Ashley.

“Everybody except Jacob,” Dan said. “Is he ever home anymore?”

“Nope,” Trevor said.

“Not unless Brian’s here with him,” Erik said.

“We’ve all been kind of busy,” Ashley said in Jacob’s defense.

“Are you moving in with Justin now?” Erik asked Dan.

“No, I’m just spending time with him,” Dan said. “AJ really did a number on him, and I’m trying to help him put everything back together.”

“Tell us the truth,” Erik said. “Just between us, O-Town code of honor. You’re not doing anything with him?”

“Doing anything?” Dan repeated. “You mean… We’re friends. I’m friends with him like I’m friends with any of you.”

“Some straight guys don’t have sex with men,” Trevor told Erik.

“I don’t know why,” Erik said. “They’re really missing out.”

“Personally, I’d like to have sex with Justin Timberlake,” Trevor said. “I love the way he moves.”

“I wonder how big his dick is,” Ashley said.

“There was a rumor it was big, but I don’t believe that for a second,” Erik said.

“I’d like to believe it, even if it isn’t true,” Trevor said.

“I guess you wouldn’t know,” Erik said to Dan. “Since you’re just friends.”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t tell you,” Dan said. “Are we at the point where we sit around talking about other guys’ dicks? Did that happen when I was out of town?”

“Yes, and yes,” Trevor said.

“Are we making you uncomfortable?” Ashley asked.

“We should have Jacob here,” Erik said. “You know he knows how big Brian’s dick is.”

“All Backstreet Boys have big dicks,” Trevor said.

“Oh, what the fuck ever,” Erik said.

“Why would you think that?” Dan asked.

“Because he’s a super-fan,” Erik said. “Howie’s is longer than mine, though.”

“Nick’s is huge,” Ashley said.

“Huge?” Erik asked. “Huge, huge?”

“Do you think anyone sits around talking about our dicks?” Trevor asked.

“I hope so,” Erik said.

“I hope not,” Dan said.

“You’re just scared because you don’t measure up,” Erik said.

Dan snorted.

Trevor grinned.

Brian walked Jacob to the front door. “I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” Jacob said. “I’ll probably be at home.”

“Okay,” Brian said.

Jacob hesitated.

Brian stroked the doorjamb, gazing into Jacob’s eyes.

“Thanks for lunch,” Jacob said.

Brian smiled. “Thanks for picking me up at the airport.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Jacob said. “You know I was happy to do it.”

Brian laughed. “Then don’t thank me for lunch.”

“Okay,” Jacob said with a smile. “I won’t.”

Brian opened the door. “I’ll call you.”

“You already said that,” Jacob said, stepping outside.

“I like calling you,” Brian said.

“I like calling you, too,” Jacob said. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“So am I.” Brian hugged him. “I’ll-”

“Yes, you’ll call me, I know,” Jacob said, laughing. “Bye, Brian.”

“Bye,” Brian said, tugging on a strand of Jacob’s hair and stepping back. He waited, watching Jacob walk to the driveway. “I’ll call you!”

Bursting into fresh laughter, Jacob got into his car. “Good-bye, Brian!”

Brian waved, then watched Jacob drive away.

It was time to check in with the other guys, and maybe see what Lance was up to.

The five of them were all over JC’s house. Joey was watching a movie in one room, Chris was making lunch, Justin was going through JC’s closet, and Lance had just left JC with Justin to check on Chris for Joey, who claimed to be starving.

For some reason, Joey hadn’t wanted to eat breakfast after they’d rescued his bagel from behind the refrigerator.

Chris said that everything was under control, but the burnt odor in the air wasn’t reassuring. Lance was debating whether to let Chris try to salvage things, or kick Chris out of the kitchen, when his phone rang. “Hello?”

“Lance, it’s Brian. I just got back in town last night, and I was hoping we could talk.”

Lance cast a glance across the kitchen; Chris was muttering something and taking a bowl out of the microwave. “Yeah, sure. When?”

“Now’s perfect for me, I just got rid of Jacob. Unless you’re busy.”

“Um, let me finish up here and come over,” Lance said. “I’ll see you in half an hour?”

“Okay, that’d be great,” Brian said. Softer, “I can’t wait to see you.”

Lance remembered the wild, urgent passion of Brian’s kiss. “I can’t wait to see you, either.” God, he hoped Chris hadn’t heard that.

“Bye,” Brian said softly.

“Bye,” Lance said, and hung up. He risked a glance.

Chris was giving him a curious stare, eyebrows raised. “Now, I know that wasn’t your mother. Who are you planning a mid-day rendezvous with?”

“It’s none of your business,” Lance said, sending high praise to heaven in gratitude that Chris hadn’t guessed who that had been. “I’ll go tell Joey he might want to order pizza.” Lance walked away, hoping that it didn’t look like he was scurrying away from-

Slam. “Lance!”

Lance froze with one foot out of the kitchen, one foot in.

“Was that Brian? That was Brian?! You were talking like that to Brian?!” Chris shouted in outraged disbelief. “I’ll see you in half an hour, I can’t wait to see you either, Brian?! You fucking - - you weren’t even going to tell me?! What the hell is going on?! What is he, your lover?!”

Lance couldn’t turn around. He didn’t know how to face Chris like this. God, that made him a coward, but he couldn’t do it.

“He’s your lover.” Chris’s shocked, tortured whisper clawed agonized guilt through Lance’s heart. “Oh my god,” Chris whispered. “Oh my god, oh my god. He’s your lover.”

“He’s not,” Lance said, turning quickly. He couldn’t let Chris think that, he couldn’t do this to Chris. “We’re not, we haven’t, he’s not my lover, we haven’t had sex, we-”

“But you’re going to,” Chris said. He was deathly white, leaning back against the counter like he didn’t know it but the counter was the only thing keeping him upright. “You’re going to. Oh, god. You’re a top, you’re a top, you’re going to fuck Brian, you’re going to fuck Brian. Maybe today, maybe this afternoon, maybe not today but soon, you’re going to fuck him, you’re really going to do it.”

“I’m not,” Lance said, because he couldn’t do that to Chris, not when it made Chris look like this, not when it made Chris sound like this. “I’m not, I won’t, I pro-”

“Don’t promise,” Chris said. “Don’t promise that, don’t. You’re going to do it, you know it, I know it, he knows it. And you should, you should do it, because that’s what he wants, that’s what Brian wants and… I don’t want to fuck this up for him. You go, you do it, you go see him and you, you make love to him. Make it good for him, do it right, he should never have anything less than perfection.”

He couldn’t. God, what was wrong with him, he couldn’t have sex with Brian. What had he been thinking? What was wrong with him? He couldn’t just have sex with Brian and figure, hey, they were all doing it, Chris knew how this went, Chris would be okay. Chris wouldn’t be okay, Chris would be devastated, Chris would be destroyed. He’d been upset about Howie fucking JC, and he thought that he could fuck Brian and Chris would be okay with it? Chris? Okay with him fucking Brian? “I can’t do that to you,” Lance said.

“No,” Chris said. His voice was shaking. “No, you have to. You have to do it. You have to make love to him.”

God, there was no way. Lance could never. Not now, not after this, he couldn’t. He would never be that basely cruel to someone he loved. To someone he loved who was in this much pain. “I can’t,” he said. “Chris, I don’t want to. I can’t do that to you.”

“No!” Chris reached for him, grabbing both of his hands. Lance had to balance his weight to keep Chris from pulling him over. “No, you do want to,” Chris said. “You want to, and he wants to. You want him, and he wants you. You have to make love to him. I’ve never meant anything I’ve ever said to you more than this. You have to make love to him. Today, I think it should be today. If he wants it today, give it to him today. You want him, Lance, and he wants you. You have to do this.”

This was insane, and Lance couldn’t take the agony on Chris’s face. “Chris, I don’t want to, don’t-”

“For me,” Chris said. “Please, Lance. Do it for me.”

This wasn’t possible. “You want me to?”

“Yes,” Chris said. “Promise me, Lance, promise me you’ll make love to him.”

Lance knew when Chris was being deadly serious, and this was Chris being one hundred percent, most deadly serious. It was true; Chris had never meant anything he’d said to Lance as much as he meant this. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Chris said. His hands were gripping Lance’s painfully hard. “Please, Lance. Promise me.”

Lance swallowed. There already was devastation in Chris’s eyes. Chris already had been destroyed, long before this moment. God. “I love you,” Lance said. He couldn’t do this to Chris, not even when Chris was begging him for it, not even with Chris needing it this badly.

“Then do this for me,” Chris begged.

This moment, Chris’s torment, Lance’s betrayal, were going to live with him for the rest of his life. “I promise,” he said softly.

One quick flash of death crossed Chris’s features, and then he was backing up, releasing Lance’s hands, almost back to normal except for the shakiness of his smile. “Good,” he said. “Thank you.”

Lance couldn’t stay here with him. “I’d better go,” he said, and turned back to the door.

“Lance,” Chris said.

Lance paused in the doorway, one more time. “Yeah?” he asked, without turning his head.

Quietly, “Please make it good for him.”

Lance closed his eyes and waited for the pain to pass. It didn’t. “I will,” he said, and left.

They were in the middle of Happy Gilmore when Jacob walked in. “Hey, what’s going on here?” he asked, grinning.

“You, where the hell have you been?” Ashley demanded, grinning back, getting up and pulling him farther into the room.

“Yeah, how’s Brian?” Erik asked, fluttering his lashes.

“Brian’s fine,” Jacob said. “It’s great to see everybody together in here.” He let Ashley drag him down to sit on the sofa in the middle of the pile. “What’s going on?” he asked Dan.

“You’re looking cheerful,” Dan said, unable to hold back a smile.

“Yeah, well,” Jacob tipped his head back against the sofa, tucking his feet up, “I’ve been having a good day.”

“The five of us never see each other anymore,” Ashley said. He gazed at Jacob. “I’ve missed you.”

Jacob laughed and wrapped his arm around Ashley. “Come on, Ash, I’m right here, we all live together, you see plenty of me.”

“Not as much as Brian does,” Erik said.

Jacob lifted his head, looking past Dan to Erik. “Did you want to say something?”

“You ditched us, you ditched a group meeting you were trying to call, to go see Brian,” Erik said.

“He needed a ride in from the airport,” Jacob said. “What was I supposed to do, leave him there?”

“I’m sure he can call someone else,” Erik said. “He has other friends. Worst-case scenario, he can still afford a cab.”

“He just got in from out of town, and I wanted to see him,” Jacob said. “We’re all here now. Let’s have the meeting now.”

Ashley swallowed.

“Level five rules,” Trevor said.

“What?” Jacob asked, turning swiftly to where Trevor was sitting on Ashley’s other side.

“Level five,” Trevor said.

“Level five?” Jacob demanded. “What do you have to hide?”

“Let’s do level three,” Dan said.

“Vote,” Erik said.

“Three,” Dan said.

“Five,” Trevor said.

“Five,” Ashley said.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at Ashley. “One.” Jacob always chose level one.

Trevor looked at Erik.

Erik looked back at Trevor.

Trevor mentally pushed him.

Erik hesitated.

“We might not have all day,” Dan said.

“Five.”

Ashley relaxed.

“Five it is,” Dan said. “Who has the rules?”

Chris abandoned the kitchen. He couldn’t take it, he had to go, he needed-

“Hey,” Joey said.

-to get to Kevin, he had to get to Kevin, he needed Kevin, he-

“Hey,” Justin said. “Hey, Chris, where are you going?”

“I have to go-” Chris stopped himself, remembering, turning at the front door. “Go,” he finished. “I have to go.”

“Go where?” Justin asked.

“Go,” Chris said. “To…Trevor.” He’d get Trevor to fuck him. It wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be close, but maybe it would be something.

“I’ll come with you,” Justin said. He grinned. “I have your phone.”

“Okay.”

“Wait for me,” Justin said, and disappeared into the rest of the house. A few minutes later he was back. “Okay, let’s go.”

Chris opened the door, and they stepped outside. He started to-

“Chris.”

There was new pain in Justin’s voice. Something that sounded like fear. Chris turned to him, and caught sight of a scared little boy where his best friend was supposed to be.

“Chris,” Justin said. His eyes darted fearfully. “I have to talk to you.”

Erik had gone to find the rules.

“I don’t know why he keeps them,” Jacob said.

“Jake,” Ashley said. Trevor watched; Jacob and Ashley had a way of looking at each other like there was no one else in the room, sometimes. “I just… I wanted to say, before this starts, I have missed you.”

Jacob sighed, but he was smiling. “Okay, maybe I’ve missed you, too,” he admitted, and pulled Ashley into a hug.

“Okay, I found it!” Erik bounded back into the room. “Level five.”

Jacob sighed, leaning back. “What are they?”

Erik read the rules. “Nobody leaves until majority says we’re finished. Nobody threatens to leave the group. Nobody kicks anybody else out of the group. You can’t bring old shit into a new argument. No yelling. No cursing. No name-calling, no accusing, this is a civilized conversation among equally respected friends. Everyone is allowed one free pass.”

“What the-”

“No cursing,” Erik reminded Jacob.

Jacob glared.

“Okay,” Dan said, as Erik sat facing them on the coffee table. “Who wants to start?”

“I’ll start,” Jacob said, getting up. “When did we decide that it’s okay to be openly gay and screwing around?”

“We didn’t,” Dan said.

“We’re not publicly outing ourselves,” Trevor said. “I’m not screwing around, I’m with Chris. Chris has done this before, he knows how to be discreet.”

“Do you know how to be discreet?” Jacob asked.

“All anyone’s going to see is Trevor hanging out at Chris’s house, Chris hanging out at Trevor’s house,” Erik said. “Chris sleeps here sometimes, Trevor sleeps there sometimes, how is that any different from you and Brian?”

“That is completely different,” Jacob snapped, shooting Erik a bitter look.

“It does look the same,” Ashley admitted.

“You have no place to talk,” Jacob said sharply. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“Old shit, new argument,” Erik said.

“This is the same argument and the same problem,” Jacob said. “Ashley and Joey publicly simulated sex in a crowded club. You can’t tell me that no one in that club is ever going to say anything to anyone.”

“What do you want me to do?” Ashley asked. “I can’t make it not happen, I can’t go back and change it.”

“I want you to get rid of Joey,” Jacob said.

“You what?” Ashley asked, rising.

“Everybody slow down,” Dan said.

“You want me to stop seeing him?” Ashley asked. “You want me to cut him out of my life? Joey is…Joey…”

“Joey what?” Jacob demanded.

Ashley burst out with it. “I’m in love with him!”

Jacob didn’t miss a beat. “He has a boyfriend!”

“That doesn’t matter!” Ashley rushed into his explanation. “Joey’s going to leave Nick for me. I’m good for him, and I’m in love with him, and-”

“Do you hear yourself?” Jacob demanded. “Are you listening to yourself? You sound pathetic. You sound needy and desperate and deluded. You’re in a fantasy world!”

“You don’t know anything about it!” Ashley shouted. “You don’t know anything about Joey or anything about Nick or anything about what I’ve been putting myself through! Maybe if you were around more instead of running after Brian all of the time-”

“When are you here?” Jacob demanded. “You’re always tucked up under Joey somewhere! You’re always out somewhere with Joey, you’re always with Chris, you’re always chasing after JC and Howie, you’re running across the country with Justin-”

“And you’re always with Brian, so what’s the difference?” Trevor asked.

“I’m not having sex with Brian!” Jacob shouted. “That’s the difference!”

“If we’re here to talk about spending more time focusing on the group, I agree, and I’ll work on that,” Dan said. “I’ve been spending time with Justin because he needs me, as a friend. If we’re here to talk about being out, being gay, being discreet, or screwing around with guys, I agree, it’s a problem, and we need to work on it, but I’m not having sex with anybody these days, least of all Justin.”

“I forgot to tell you Rebecca called,” Trevor said.

“Oh, thanks,” Dan said.

“Why do I get the feeling this isn’t a group discussion, this is Jacob and Dan’s time to command us on how to live our lives?” Erik asked.

“I’m not telling you how to live your life,” Jacob snapped. “I’m telling you to keep your dick in your pants around guys.”

“Am I just stupid, or aren’t you gay?” Erik asked.

There was silence in the room.

All eyes were on Jacob.

Jacob looked like he wanted to go for Erik’s blood. His voice was tight and cutting. “Whether I’m gay or straight or bi, I’m keeping my dick out of other guys’ asses, and I think you would be able to do the same.”

“Obviously you’ve never seen JC’s ass,” Erik said.

“We’re all supposed to be committed to this group,” Jacob said. “That means we’re committed to getting ahead and committed to our reputation. Being caught screwing around with other guys is not going to help our reputation. We all know how this goes, we know we have to play it straight, we agreed to do that for the sake of our larger goals. Maybe we don’t all have the same goals anymore. Maybe you’d all rather decide to screw our goals for the sake of cheap sex.”

“We’re not going to get caught,” Trevor said.

“No one plans to get caught,” Dan said. “No one knows it’s going to happen until it’s too late.”

“We’re not going to work this out, because I’m not giving up JC or Howie,” Erik said. “You wouldn’t, either, if you’d been living my life lately.”

“I can’t give up Chris,” Trevor said. “I’m sorry.”

“I love him,” Ashley said. “I can’t, not now, not after I’ve gotten this far.”

“Are you in love with Nick, too?” Jacob asked.

Ashley froze. “What?” he asked, visibly nervous.

“Nick!” Jacob said. “When AJ burst into our house asking to talk to the blond one Nick’s fucking, I sort of assumed that he might be talking about you!”

“Pass,” Ashley said.

“Don’t you-”

“Pass,” Ashley said.

“Pass on what?” Jacob snapped. “Whether Nick’s fucking you?”

“No cursing,” Erik said.

“I’m not talking about Nick,” Ashley said to Jacob. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“I hope you don’t have to explain yourself to Joey, either,” Jacob said.

“Joey knows that I’m in love with him,” Ashley said.

“When did Joey become this important?” Jacob demanded. “I’m sick and tired of hearing about these people, I’m sick of them being in our house, I’m sick of them being all over our lives!”

“Tough,” Erik said.

“It’s time for new house rules,” Jacob said.

“House rules need a majority decision,” Erik said.

“Paragraph C, subsection five, line Z,” Jacob said. “House rules can be decided by two people without the majority if Jacob and Dan both agree.”

“You can’t pull this,” Ashley said.

“Dan,” Trevor said.

“No members of *NSYNC on the premises,” Jacob said.

“No Backstreet Boys on the premises,” Erik snapped.

“I agree, no Backstreet Boys on the premises,” Trevor agreed quickly. “Damn, I can’t believe I just said that.”

“I agree, majority rules,” Ashley said.

“Sorry, Jacob, no more Brian,” Erik said.

Jacob glared.

“We all agreed, anyone can have any visitors, unless the other four of us ban the person from the house,” Dan said. “I’m not agreeing to any of this. Brian can be here, and so can Chris, and so can anyone else.”

“Damn it,” Erik said.

“We all have to work on this,” Dan said. “This really is a problem. I’m sorry that things have gone this far, and that you’re this deeply involved. You really need to think about what you’re doing. For right now, I think it’s safe to say that if you really think you have to have sex with guys, you need to do it inside your house or inside their houses. Not in anyone else’s house, and not out in public. If you can’t go out without putting your hands on each other, then you can’t go out.”

“That’s fair,” Trevor said, trying to compromise.

“I’m okay with that,” Ashley said, wanting to end the conflict.

“Yeah, okay,” Erik said, since everyone else was agreeing.

“Discretion is really important,” Dan said. “We’re really risking a lot, more than we can afford to. And what you’re doing doesn’t affect just you and your sex life, it affects all of us. It’s not fair for your actions to jeopardize all of our hard work.”

“Guilt trip,” Erik said.

“Reality check,” Jacob said.

“You’re right,” Ashley said. “You’re both right,” he said, looking at Dan and then Jacob. “I know you’re right, and I know that I should listen to you, but Joey’s opened up this whole new part of me. I can’t lose everything I’ve just gained. It’s too much.”

“I’ll try to be around more often,” Dan said. “We have to put the focus back on the job. We’ve been scattered and distracted, and that’s made it easier to lose sight of why we’re really here.”

Ashley sat back down beside Trevor. “Come on, let’s finish watching the movie,” he said.

“Not on this TV,” Jacob said, and walked out of the room.

“He’s asking for a beating,” Erik said. “He’s begging for it.”

“Sit down,” Dan said, tugging at Erik. “He’s okay. He’s just worried that his entire career is going to go down in flames because you’re hot for Howie.”

“Way to make me feel good,” Erik said.

“Is it really worth it?” Dan asked him. “Losing all of this, everything we’ve worked for?”

“Maybe you don’t understand,” Erik said. “I wake up in bed between JC and Howie. Not just between them, they’re right up against me, they’re on top of me and curled around me. Naked.”

“I hate you,” Trevor said.

“We’ve given up a lot to get here,” Dan said. “We’ve gone through a lot. Together. There have been some really rough spots. We all understand we have to make sacrifices.”

“Chris is like this weird magical gift in my life,” Trevor said. “Emphasis on the weird, but equal emphasis on the magical. He means too much to me for me to just get him out of my life. And backing off to just being friends… At this point, I don’t know, I don’t think I can.”

“Do you have your own room in Justin’s house?” Erik asked Dan.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Do you have your own room in Justin’s house? You’ve been sleeping over there, right? Are you like moving into your own room?”

“Not really,” Dan said. “It’s not that permanent.” He hesitated. “In all honesty, it’s… I’ve been staying in his room.”

“In his room?” Erik repeated.

“In his bed?” Ashley asked.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Trevor asked.

“He doesn’t sleep well,” Dan said. “He feels better having someone with him.”

“He was having nightmares when he was here,” Ashley remembered.

“In his bed?” Erik asked.

“You go to sleep with Justin Timberlake?” Trevor asked. “You wake up in bed with Justin Timberlake?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Dan said.

“If I weren’t having sex with Chris, I’d be too jealous to talk to you right now,” Trevor said.

“Do you really think Chris is hot?” Erik asked.

“Hell, yes,” Trevor said.

“Not hotter than JC,” Erik said.

“Hotter than Joey,” Trevor said.

“Hey!” Ashley hit Trevor. “Joey’s a lot hotter than Chris. Chris is too old and too short.”

“And too hot,” Trevor said. “Chris is way hotter than Joey.”

“There’s no way!” Ashley protested. “Joey is all man.”

“Joey is all boring,” Trevor said.

“You’re both way off,” Erik said. “Chris, ew, Joey, bleh, JC, hot as hell and damn, he knows it.”

“Chris is hot and doesn’t know it,” Trevor said. “That’s sexy, because it means he’s not desperately flaunting it like some people.”

“Like which people?” Erik demanded.

“Justin’s gorgeous, though,” Ashley said to Dan.

“Yeah,” Dan said. “That, I did notice.”

“It’s hard not to notice,” Trevor said. “I would never be able to sleep in the same bed as Justin Timberlake and not…”

“Want him?” Erik guessed.

“Get hard?” Ashley asked.

“Jump him,” Trevor said.

“Well, I’ll be sure to tell him that for you,” Dan said. “I’m sure he’d appreciate the compliment.”

Justin and Chris were sitting in Chris’s backseat in JC’s driveway. They were both facing forward, so they wouldn’t make dangerous eye contact.

“What the guys said…”

Chris waited, fiddling with the zipper to his CD organizer.

“About how...they...tell each other everything.”

Chris nodded, even though Justin couldn’t see him.

“I didn’t want to know that,” Justin said. “I really, really didn’t want to know that. You have no idea how much I really didn’t want to hear it.”

Justin’s voice was unraveling. Chris unzipped the CD case.

“AJ knows things he shouldn’t know,” Justin said. “He’s said things… He knows things he shouldn’t know. I asked him how he knew, and he said that I didn’t want to know, and he’s right. He’s right, I didn’t push, I didn’t want to know, it wouldn’t be good. I let it go, I dropped it. And then Joey and JC and Lance, they had to bring it up again, they had to put it in my face.”

Lance had been in rare form that morning. Chris didn’t want to think about Lance. He zipped it shut again.

“I’ve…done things.”

They’d all done things.

“I know we’ve all done things,” Justin said. “I know it’s not fair to… We’ve all been in this, we’ve all done things, we’ve all been through this. But I’ve done things, Chris, I’ve… I’ve put myself out there, I’ve…”

Chris thought about how broken Justin was. Thought about how frightened he’d been of Kevin last night. “He’s done things to you.”

“I’ve done things to myself,” Justin said. “For him.”

Chris unzipped, slowly, his eyes on the teeth. “Things that were supposed to be private.”

“I’ve done things,” Justin whispered. “Before, a lot, before. And...and now, recently.” His voice was beginning to tremble. “It’s not just, I’ve… There’s a… There’s video.”

The farther Chris unzipped, the teeth were multiplying, the mouth growing wider. “You think he’d show them.”

“Chris…” Justin paused. Chris knew that he was struggling to compose himself. “Kevin…” Chris could feel Justin’s fear, didn’t have to look at him to know. “Kevin told me that… That one day…” Justin sounded like he was choking on his own terror, holding himself together by naked will. “Chris, they know. They know, they know, they…”

Chris zipped the case shut, fast; the sound ripped through Justin’s sobs of fear and shame.

“They know. They know, they know, and soon everybody’s going to know, they’re all going to find out, they already know, AJ knows and Brian knows and Nick knows and Howie knows and who’s next? It’s started, it’s spreading, they know, they already know, soon everybody’s going to know.”

Chris had heard Justin cry before. He’d heard Justin come apart in desperate pieces before. But never like this.

“Why did they have to tell us? Why did they have to tell me? I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to know.”

Chris didn’t know why they’d told. He’d known for a long time now, and he’d never said anything about it.

Justin’s voice had broken into ragged sobs and desperate denials. “I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know. I thought I had longer, I thought I had more time, I didn’t know they already knew, I didn’t know it had already begun. I thought I had more time.”

Chris unzipped the case and pulled out a CD. He snapped it in half. He found another one, and snapped that one, too. Another. Snap. Another. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

“Stop it!” Justin grabbed the case from Chris’s hands and threw it out of the truck. “What the fuck is wrong with you!”

The floor at Chris’s feet was littered with CD pieces. His hands hurt. Justin had stopped crying. He wondered how long he’d been gone. He picked a half of a CD from off of his knee.

“Say something!”

Chris turned his head and met Justin’s eyes. “Lance is fucking Brian.”

Justin’s eyes widened.

Snap.

Lance had gone home from JC’s house, changing clothes to buy time.

He didn’t know what to do.

On one hand, he wanted to fuck Brian, to see what it would be like.

On the other hand, he didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Chris, and since him having sex with Brian would probably outright kill Chris, he was fully prepared to walk away from Brian and never look back.

But, Chris wanted him to do it. He had no idea why Chris would want him to do that, but Chris had been desperately compelling.

Which left him with the option of staying away from Brian for Chris’s mental health, or having sex with Brian as a favor to Chris.

Chris had been in agony. True agony. There wasn’t a clearer word for it. And he’d been utterly focused on getting Lance to make that promise.

But it was a promise Lance couldn’t keep. He couldn’t fuck Brian. Not after looking into Chris’s tormented face, into Chris’s burning, possessed eyes.

Possessed. Chris had looked possessed. Possessed by what?

Chris had been determined. He wouldn’t have let Lance leave the house without promising.

Lance had said, “I love you.”

Chris had said, “Then do this for me.”

Lance had promised that he would.

He couldn’t keep that promise.

But he had to. He knew that he had to. That fierce burning in Chris’s eyes. The painful grip of Chris’s hands. That flicker of death there at the end. Chris needed him to do this, needed it desperately, needed it like Chris had never needed anything from him ever before.

Lance looked at himself in the mirror.

He looked great. He looked ready to go out and get laid.

Lance picked up his keys.

It was time to kill someone he loved.

Chris and Justin collected all of the broken pieces and stuffed them back into the case. “I liked this one,” Chris said, examining a shard.

“You liked all of them,” Justin said. “That would have been a good reason not to break them all.” He zipped the case shut and dumped it onto the backseat. “We’d better go. JC and Joey are going to wonder what we’re still doing out here.”

“You want to go to the Townhouse?” Chris asked.

“Yeah,” Justin said. “Might as well.” He sighed, leaning against Chris’s truck. “Spending time with you guys isn’t as safe as it used to be. I would go see Kevin, but he doesn’t want to see me. I’d go let AJ fuck me, but after everything else that’s been going on, I don’t feel like doing that to Joey today. I guess Dan’s the next person on the list.”

“He makes you feel better,” Chris said.

“He does,” Justin said. “I know how fucked up that is.”

“Trevor makes me feel…better,” Chris said. “I know he’s not supposed to. I know I’m not doing my job. But I think Kevin can bring him down well enough without me.”

Justin laughed painfully. “Kevin’s pretty good at what he does.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to make it?” Justin asked.

“No,” Chris said. “But it’s worth a shot.”

“I’m not doing my job, either,” Justin said. “I don’t know why I can’t do it. I’m too caught up in my own shit to give a shit about him.”

“You could get Trevor for me,” Chris said. “You have more reason to hate him right now than I do.”

Justin stared at Chris.

“What?” Chris asked.

“That’s it,” Justin said. “I can’t manage to do shit to Dan, but I would love to take a hatchet to Trevor. JC would love to get Ashley, I know he would. Why aren’t we working together more? Why aren’t we hooking up and going after each other’s people? I hate Dan sort of…abstractly. My hatred for Trevor is as real and personal as it gets.”

“We could adopt each other’s targets,” Chris said.

“Wouldn’t you love to get Jacob?” Justin asked.

“Oh, yes, I want him dead,” Chris said pleasantly.

“Let’s go back inside,” Justin said, leading the way back to JC’s front door. “JC’s going to love this.”

Brian opened the door with a warm, adoring smile. “Lance. Hi, come in. How’ve you been?”

He couldn’t let himself be sucked in by Brian’s affection. Lance stepped into the house, committed to doing the right thing, once he figured out what the hell that was. “I’m fine. How’s Jacob?”

Brian scratched the back of his head, almost automatically. “Being away from him was just the break I needed. Being away from you was…” He hesitated nervously, then smiled self-consciously. “A little rougher. Anyway, now that I’m back, it’s even harder to spend time with him, now that I’ve had that break. What’ve you been doing? What’ve I missed?”

“Not much,” Lance said, following Brian to the sofa.

“No?” Brian asked. His gaze was adoring. Loving. He reached-

Lance caught Brian’s hand, stilling it, returning it to him. “I have to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Brian said, drawing a pillow into his lap, planting his hands firmly on it. “I didn’t mean to… What do you want to talk about?”

“Chris.”

Brian looked vaguely confused, but willing to give it a try. “All right. What about him?”

“How do you feel about him?”

“Chris?” Brian asked. “Chris was… A mistake.”

“A mistake,” Lance repeated, keeping a careful watch for any clues, any hints in Brian’s expression.

“I shouldn’t have led him on, I shouldn’t have hurt him, I shouldn’t have treated him the way that I did,” Brian said. “I’m sorry. I’ve apologized before, and I’ll apologize again, to him, to you, anyone. I’m very sorry. I was wrong, everything about it was wrong.”

“You don’t care about him.”

“I care about what happens to him,” Brian said. “I don’t want him to be hurt like that again. But I don’t… I’m not… I know that he thinks that he’s invested in me, and I’m sorry for that. But I can’t do anything about it. I’m not in love with him, Lance. You know who really matters to my heart.”

Lance couldn’t look into those vulnerable, beseeching blue eyes and not feel something. “What happened right before you left, when we said good-bye before you went to the airport…”

“If you - - I didn’t mean to push you into it,” Brian said. “If it was too fast, if you didn’t want-”

“No,” Lance said. “No, it… It was good.”

A relieved smile broke across Brian’s face. “I was afraid you’d have second thoughts.”

“No,” Lance said. “I wanted it, too. I just wondered…how you felt about it.”

“You felt…” Brian was stroking the pillow, and when he closed his eyes briefly an orgasmic look crossed his features. “…so good.” Brian met his eyes, and the heat there was almost a physical warmth. “I’ve wanted you…so much… The way you kissed me, the way you…touched me… Your hands, your…body…” Brian licked his lips and made a sound almost like a moan, reaching out, taking Lance’s hand and dragging him closer, sliding nearer on the sofa. “I want you,” Brian whispered, his hands cupping Lance’s face, caressing back into Lance’s hair. His eyes were hot with desire, his voice filled with lust. “I want you, you have to know how much I want you. What happened between us, if you liked it, I can give you more, I can give you so much more.”

Lance didn’t understand how Brian could contain this kind of passion, how Brian held back this kind of lusting need. Didn’t know how he could say no to it. Howie didn’t want him, Howie ignored him, Howie was fucking JC and acted like he didn’t exist, Howie with that fucking “It’s good to see you” in JC’s fucking kitchen. But Lance couldn’t do this, was torn between Chris’s agony and Chris’s burning need. He was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t, and so was Chris. “My best friend loves you,” he said, trying to keep a barrier between Brian’s need for him and his own need to be wanted.

“But I’m in love with you,” Brian said, and kissed him.

They were finished with the movies and were milling around the kitchen, half of them cleaning up, half of them dragging out new food, when the doorbell rang.

“Not it,” Erik, Trevor, and Ashley said.

“Maybe we should let Jacob get it,” Erik said in a sickly-sweet voice. “Maybe it’s Brian.”

“Yeah, but no matter how he’s acting, damn, it’s Brian,” Trevor said. “You can’t beat that.”

“Groupie,” Erik said.

“Proud of it,” Trevor said.

“I’ll get it,” Dan said. He wiped his hands on his jeans and walked to the foyer, checking the peephole. “Trevor!” he called, and then opened the door. “Hey, come on in,” he said with a smile.

“Hello,” Chris said, entering with Justin.

“What?” Trevor asked, walking up. “Oh, hey. Hi,” he said, grinning. “Guess you couldn’t stay away.”

“That’s me, always turning up like a bad penny, whatever the hell a bad penny is,” Chris said. “Oh, yeah, I brought Justin, I figured Dan could baby-sit for me.”

“We’ll find something to do,” Dan said.

“I already have something for you to do,” Chris said to Trevor. “I’ll show you what it is upstairs.”

Trevor grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Chris said, and took his hand, pulling him towards the staircase.

“Kids,” Justin said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He looked at Dan. “So. Hi.”

“Hi,” Dan said. “You okay?”

“A little less than usual,” Justin said. “I just feel like going to AJ and letting him fuck me stupid.”

“Hey, no,” Dan said quickly, concerned. “That’s not going to help anything. You-”

“I know, I know,” Justin said. “I came here instead. I kind of wish you’d fuck me stupid, but that doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon, so I guess I’m shit out of luck, there.”

“Sex isn’t going to solve anything,” Dan said. “No matter who it’s with.”

“Yeah, well, I sort of had a revelation in the car on the way here. I need your help with something, but you’re not going to want to do it. Can I use your bathroom?”

“Yes, yes, Lance…” Brian was rocking beneath him, arching and undulating, clawing at the backs of his thighs and moaning the roof down. “…please, god, yes…” Lance kept fucking in harder and harder and Brian just got louder, hotter, more passionate. “…yes, Lance, oh, please…” Lance had taken him to the bed, for Chris’s sake, and Brian had exploded. “…so good, so - - unh - - good…” Brian was a scratching clawing hellcat, a writhing experienced porn star, a begging pleading nymphomaniac, and the hottest, loudest, wildest lover Lance had ever had. “…yes, do it, Lance, yes, oh…” Brian was the neediest bottom Lance had ever fucked, and the only thing he needed was Lance. “...yes, yes, god…harder...”

If Lance touched him, Brian moaned and shuddered and pushed into it. If Lance fucked him harder, he needed it even harder; if Lance fucked him faster, he needed it even faster. Any noise Lance made, Brian echoed like that one sound was his ticket to orgasm.

“Lance, please, touch me, touch me, please, please, Lance, touch me,” Brian begged, pulling on Lance’s shoulders and trying desperately to fuck himself on Lance’s dick like Lance couldn’t give him enough.

Lance rebalanced himself and closed one hand around Brian’s hard, throbbing, leaking dick.

“Oh, yes, right there, right there, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” and Brian came, crying out, ecstasy spiraling out of him into a scream, his back arching violently, his arms flung wide in the throes of orgasm, his pleasure peaking in a wild, rich shudder. “Oh, god,” he moaned, “oh, god, oh, god, Lance…” He gasped on Lance’s next thrust, the tail end of it winding into a moan. “Oh, yes, yes, come in me, come in me, come in me,” he said, rubbing across Lance’s shoulders and down Lance’s arms, eyes bright with new desire, body offering itself. “Lance, yes, oh, god…” He shivered, eyes closing tightly as his fingers dug suddenly into Lance’s biceps. “Oh, god, I can’t take it, it’s too much, it’s too good, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…”

Lance’s hips were slamming into Brian hard, his erection surging in deep, and every pleading, needing syllable from Brian’s mouth just made fucking him that much more urgent. Brian’s ass felt so good, Brian’s body felt so good, Brian’s overflowing emotional need for him felt so good, that Lance knew he was going to fuck Brian again, and again, and again.

“Oh, please, come in me, come in me, come in me…” It was more than a plea, it was a chant in rhythm with Lance’s thrusts, overwhelmed begging for release, for culmination, for the cessation of perfect torture. Brian’s body was overstimulated, overcharged, and he couldn’t take more.

Lance was going to give him more. Lance was going to give it to him again, and again, and again, and keep giving it to him, give him so much he came again, make him come so hard it hurt.

Brian cried out, twisting beneath him, begging for mercy.

By the time Brian came again, he was so worked up into desperate, fevered need, he was hyperventilating.

Lance came so hard he couldn’t feel his toes. He collapsed onto Brian, panting for breath, groaning with the waves of pleasure still washing over him. He thought he might have broken something. He thought he might have blinded himself. He thought he’d never want anyone as much as he wanted to fuck Brian again.

Ashley wanted to talk to Jacob. Maybe if he explained…something… He hated it when there was tension in the house, and he hated fighting with Jacob. He didn’t know what he could say to make it better, but maybe if he explained how Joey made him feel, how-

The phone rang. Erik picked it up. “Townhouse, Erik-Michael speaking. Yeah. Hold on. Hey, Ashley.”

“Hmm?” Ashley asked, still trying to figure out how to approach Jacob.

“It’s Joey,” Erik said, handing over the phone, grinning.

Joey? Ashley put the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, pretty. Are you busy?”

“Joey,” Ashley said, warm inside from the affection in Joey’s voice. “No, I’m not doing anything right now.”

“Can you come over to my house?” Joey asked.

“Now?” Ashley asked. “Sure, okay.”

“Wear something sexy,” Joey said. “Something hot. Something red.”

“Okay,” Ashley said, starting to get hard from the sex in Joey’s voice.

“See you soon, pretty.”

“Bye,” Ashley said. He set down the phone and grabbed Erik’s hand, heading for the doorway.

“Hey, I was-”

“You have to help me get dressed,” Ashley said. “Fast.”

Well, that hadn’t worked.

Trevor was looking understandably frustrated, but was handling the situation very well. “Is it something I’m doing?”

“No,” Chris said. “Believe me, this isn’t your fault.”

He’d thought that having sex might make him feel better, so they’d started doing that, except his body hadn’t checked in with his mind recently, and his dick had balked at the very idea. Trevor had tried to blow him, which hadn’t worked, and then he’d tried giving Trevor head. That had been going along nicely, and he’d started to get into it, when all of a sudden a vision of Lance fucking Brian had popped into his head in startling Techni-Color. That had inspired a spasm of pain so strong he’d coughed Trevor’s dick up. Now they were sort of stuck, naked with nothing to do.

“You can still fuck me,” Chris said. “I’d like you to.”

“I can’t do it if you’re not into it,” Trevor said.

“I’m into it,” Chris said. “Despite evidence to the contrary.”

Trevor smiled, but shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Damn.”

“I’d still like to make out,” Trevor said. “If you want to.”

“Yes,” Chris said. “Yes, I’d like that. You’ll at least let me jack you off, right?”

Trevor grinned. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Chris kissed him, drawing him closer.

Trevor made an aroused sound, cupping his ass in one hand, licking back into his mouth.

This was nice. Chris liked Trevor. And god, he needed to be with Kevin right now.

Kevin swatted at AJ’s feet. “Do that at your own house.”

AJ kicked his shoes off, stripped off his socks, then propped his naked feet on the coffee table again. “Better?” he asked, his smile a challenge.

“I’ll let you live,” Kevin said, sitting beside him. “What happened while I was gone?”

“Not much,” AJ said. “When are you going to let the rest of us in on whatever you and Brian are up to?”

“We had to talk,” Kevin said. “I needed his undivided attention, and you know how he gets when he’s playing. I was going out of town anyway, and I took him with me so I could talk to him away from Jacob and Chris and Lance and his other distractions.”

AJ watched the line of Kevin’s shoulders relax. “And?”

“It was good to focus on something important. The rest of this stuff,” Kevin made a vague gesture including their current intricately overlapping interpersonal relationships, “is temporary. None of this will matter in the long run. Ten years from now, are you going to remember how many times you had your dick in Justin’s ass?”

AJ shrugged. “No.”

“Getting away from this gave us a chance to talk everything over and remember what’s really important to us. We talked about what really matters to us.” Something eternal shone from the depths of Kevin’s gaze as he met AJ’s eyes. His hand settled firmly, warm and broad, on AJ’s thigh. “Nothing that happens with them can ever touch us.”

“Never,” AJ agreed, covering Kevin’s hand with his own.

“I told Brian that he can spend some time with Chris if he wants to, if he agrees to stop after a few weeks. Chris is starting to slip up, and being with Brian might patch him up again. But if he gets too much of Brian, he’ll lose all of his focus.”

“Too much access to Brian would be a dangerous thing,” AJ agreed.

“How was everything here?” Kevin asked.

“Everyone thinks you were in Kentucky,” AJ said. “I don’t have to tell you that Justin missed you. He got your flowers and came right home.”

“Maybe he’s finally learning how to follow simple commands,” Kevin said.

AJ’s mind flashed back to Justin’s confusion, torment, and anguish. He knew that he’d only seen the surface of it; Justin’s true pain ran much deeper. “You really fucked him up.”

Kevin’s expression hardened. “I should have been more thorough.”

Ashley rang Joey’s doorbell, tugging at his pants. They were a flashy red, and they were so tight they betrayed the stiff swelling of his dick. His T-shirt was black but sparkling with a red glitter pattern. He didn’t usually dress like this just to go to someone’s house, but Joey had sounded so hot for him, he hadn’t been able to resist. He couldn’t resist anything Joey said to him in that low, sexual voice.

That seemed to get him in trouble, sometimes.

The door opened. “Pretty,” Joey said, reaching for his hand and drawing him into the house, right into Joey’s arms. Joey’s embrace was warm and tight, and when Joey’s hands started wandering Ashley kissed him, unable to hold back a moan at the slide of his tongue. “Tell me you want me as much as I want you,” Joey said, Joey’s hand rubbing his ass, Joey’s shoulders broad under his hands.

“More, more, so much more,” Ashley promised, grinding against Joey’s dick, hard for it.

“I thought angels dressed in white, and devils dressed in red.”

Ashley jerked with surprise at the sound of Nick’s voice. He stared at Nick, still in Joey’s embrace. “What are you… I didn’t know you were here,” he said. God, why, why was Nick here, why couldn’t he ever get Joey to himself?

“Damn, Angel, you look hot,” Nick said, walking closer, his eyes taking a scenic tour of - - Ashley pressed closer to Joey’s body. “Hard to believe you look even better out of those clothes than in them.”

“I’d love to watch you come out of these clothes,” Joey murmured, kissing Ashley’s ear.

“Mmm,” Nick said. “I don’t know, after what we saw last night, I don’t think Angel could measure up.”

“I told you he’s hotter than anyone on that stage,” Joey said, licking a spot on Ashley’s jaw.

Ashley was hot from Joey’s attention but unable to look away from Nick’s smirking, knowing face. “What stage?”

“We went out last night, to a new strip joint,” Joey explained, kissing his neck. “God, I want you.”

“Those women were hot,” Nick said. “I haven’t seen anyone work it like that in a long time.”

“So fucking hot,” Joey muttered against Ashley’s skin. Whether he meant the strippers or Ashley wasn’t clear, but the way his hands were molding Ashley’s ass might have been a clue.

“I say there’s nothing hotter,” Nick said. “Joey says you’re hotter.”

“I say Joey’s right,” Ashley said, and slid a little against Joey’s body to provide friction for Joey’s dick. Joey grunted with pleasure and sucked on his neck.

“Then prove it,” Nick said. “Strip for us.”

“Oh, yeah,” Joey murmured, and kissed Ashley’s mouth.

A set-up, Nick was setting him up, it was a fucking game, it was, it was, god, Ashley couldn’t think when, ooohhh… Oh, oh, god, Joey… Oh, ah, ah, yes, Joey, god… Ashley groaned, sucking hungrily on Joey’s tongue, rocking between the hardness of Joey’s dick and the way Joey’s hand was riding the cleft of his ass. He wanted Joey, he wanted Joey’s dick, he wanted Joey to fuck him-

“Do it for me,” Joey said. His eyes were hot, his voice thick with sex. “Do it for me, pretty, take your clothes off for me.”

Yes, yes, he - - wait, wait, wait. Ashley’s sexual enthusiasm skidded to a halt. “In front of him?” he asked, refusing to look in Nick’s direction.

“I’ve seen it all before,” Nick said.

“Prove it,” Joey said, “prove how hot you are. Show him, show me, I want to see it. I want to see you take everything off, I want you to tease me, I want to watch you expose every inch of your gorgeous body.” Joey’s gaze was sex, Joey’s voice was sex, Joey’s hands were bringing vibrant heat to everything it touched. “I want you so much, Ashley, show me how hot you can make it.”

“I will,” Ashley said, “I’ll do it for you, I’ll show you anything you want to see.” Forget Nick, forget Nick’s immature games. Ashley was going to do it, and Joey was going to want him, and he was going to win. And then he’d never have to deal with Nick again.

Dan couldn’t believe he was doing this. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“No one’s looking at us,” Justin murmured.

“There are cameras in here,” Dan said. “They’re going to recognize you.”

“They won’t, it’s okay, I’ve been here before,” Justin said, tugging him to the back corner of the store.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Dan said again, trying not to look at the merchandise.

Justin removed his sunglasses.

“Put those back on,” Dan whispered urgently.

“I can’t see what I’m looking at,” Justin said. “I don’t know how AJ lives like this.” He studied the packages in front of him. “How many are you willing to walk up to the register with?”

“None,” Dan said. God, he was really going through with this. “Three.”

“Dan, you pervert,” Justin said, laughing.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Dan said. “We just had this big talk about discretion, and our reputation, and here I am, in a sex shop, buying…”

“Dildos,” Justin said. “Ooohhh, vibrators, here we go, that’s what I want. Over here, come on, this is it.”

“Why are they orange?” Dan asked, disturbed.

“You like purple better?” Justin asked, reaching for one.

Dan grabbed Justin’s wrist and met Justin’s eyes. “As your friend, I can’t let you consider anything that size.”

“Obviously, you’ve never seen AJ hard,” Justin said, gently twisting free. “I’m not doing this for comfort, I’m doing this to numb the pain. Sort of like a drug. The bigger it is, the more brain cells it destroys.”

“I don’t think you should do this,” Dan said.

“I know what my body needs,” Justin said. “This isn’t what it needs, but this is the closest thing I can get to it, for now. My other choice is to throw myself into the dark world of wild, desperate, anonymous sex, but I think that this might be healthier.”

Dan studied the floor.

“Here,” Justin said. “This one, this one, and this one,” and he handed Dan three boxes. “Ask the guy behind the counter for lube, the yellow tube of it.” Justin tucked a bill between Dan’s fingers. “I’ll meet you in the car.”

Dan looked down at the boxes in his arms. “This isn’t happening.”

Joey was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, Nick seated right behind him. Joey leaned back against Nick’s chest, and Nick’s arm looped casually around his waist. They were both looking right at Ashley. Joey’s gaze was warm and full of sex and anticipation; Nick’s gaze was smug, knowing, and wicked.

Ashley was standing between them and the bed, trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. He couldn’t just take his clothes off; he was supposed to dance, or tease, or entertain.

Nick pushed a button on the remote control in his hand; music began.

Joey grinned and applauded.

Ashley toed out of his shoes and pulled off his socks.

“Hot,” Nick said.

“Fuck you,” Ashley said, and closed his eyes, trying to think, trying to feel sexy. The music was good, dark, sexual, and he slid his hands down over his hips, trying to get into it.

With his eyes closed, he could forget about Nick, he could be alone with Joey. Dancing for Joey. He liked to dance with Joey. He remembered Justin’s party, the music, the dancing, the cage, the heat, the way he’d felt, the way his body had moved. Joey’s hands weren’t on him this time, so he touched himself, palms sliding across his chest, fingers teasing up the hem of his shirt.

“God,” Nick said. “He’s actually good.”

Startled, Ashley flashed back to reality, hands stilling in sudden embarrassment.

“No, no, keep going,” Joey said. There was a look in his eyes, the look he got when - - Ashley’s face flushed - - when he was inside Ashley, fucking him. Ashley took a step back, absorbing the information. Joey liked this. Joey wanted him.

Ashley’s gaze slid just past Joey, to…Nick. Ashley swallowed. Oh, god. Nick wanted him. Nick wanted to throw him across the bed and take him and…and…

Ashley’s hands slid down to the strip of flesh across his stomach that he’d bared, and lifted his shirt just an inch more, baring more skin.

The lust in Joey’s gaze increased.

Nick licked his teeth.

Ashley hesitated. He hadn’t expected Nick to be this…predatory.

He hadn’t expected to like it.

He turned his back, pulling himself together. He was still nervous, because he still didn’t know what he was doing, but he also felt a rush, a sort of exhilaration. He could do this, he could be good at this, he was good at this. They liked it. They wanted it, they wanted him. That thing that Joey saw in him and pulled on, it really was there, that abandon, that sexuality, that wild forbidden erotic need.

Closing his eyes, Ashley put himself into the music again. He loved music, he lost himself in it, the freedom of it, the call of it. Relaxing into it, he moved with the beat, losing awareness of the room, his surroundings, somehow still aware of their gazes on him. He was alone, but still watched, and he danced for himself, touched himself for them.

Writhing, undulating, gyrating, stroking his own body, letting the music make love to him, making love to himself, Ashley turned, eyes still closed. With slow, teasing, sinuous movements he peeled out of his T-shirt, letting it drop to the floor as he opened his eyes.

Joey looked as hungry for him as he knew he always looked for Joey.

The heat in Nick’s gaze could have burned Joey’s home to the ground.

Testing, daring, Ashley danced closer. Closer, closer, turning to show off his thighs, his ass, his stiff arousal. Unbuttoning slowly, unzipping even slower, teasing, taunting. He turned away, letting the pants slide down to expose his red underwear, then pivoted back, dancing dangerously close as his pants slid down his naked thighs.

Joey reached for him, and he stepped into Joey’s space, letting Joey’s hands capture his hips as he danced. He kept moving, thrusting, rocking, twisting as Joey’s hands rubbed greedily over his thighs. His gaze found Nick’s and he was trapped there, blue locked to blue, need locked to need. Fucking the air wasn’t enough; Ashley brought it down to the floor, got on his knees practically in Joey’s lap, one hand on Joey’s shoulder, Joey’s hands on his ass. Performing for Joey. Desperately, blindly needing Nick to fuck him. He couldn’t look away from Nick, couldn’t deny the way he responded to Nick’s primal heat, couldn’t do anything but want to be spread out for Nick like a carnal feast.

He had to get away, he couldn’t do this in front of Joey, he couldn’t reveal his truest, deepest needs. Ashley rose in a slow, full-body undulation, stepping back neatly from Joey’s lap, leaving his pants behind. Twisting, he danced back to the bed, sinking back onto it, closing his eyes.

Alone in his mind, alone with Nick. Nick’s eyes were on him, he could feel their heat. Nick’s hands were on him, exploring, exposing. Ashley rolled over, rolled back, writhed, thrust, bucked, rose up onto his knees, clawed at the pillows, wrapped himself in the sheets. He was dancing, and Nick was fucking him, and he could smell Nick’s sex all over the bed. He sought out Nick’s scent, and his hands sought out his own pleasure, and the music was reaching a throbbing crescendo, and his body was reaching a passionate climax, and he kicked his underwear off, exposed, revealed, free, coming.

The music clicked off.

In the sudden silence, Ashley heard his own labored breathing.

Sprawled across the bed, he opened his eyes.

Joey was crawling onto the bed, over him, between his splayed legs. “Ashley,” Joey said, putting a hand on his chest, leaning in close. “Pretty.”

Sex and lust and urgent needs were crowding into Joey’s eyes, into Joey’s voice, and the heat of his body spoke to Ashley. “Fuck me,” Ashley said. It was what Joey wanted, and it was what he wanted, too. He wanted Joey to fuck him, wanted Joey to be the one. Joey, he loved. Joey was warm, and safe, and right, and good. And thrilling, and sexual, and the first person who had ever shown Ashley who he really could be. “Fuck me, Joey, give it to me, do it,” he whispered, offering himself.

Joey fucked him, there on the bed, and for a moment, everything was right, everything was the way that it was supposed to be, the way that Ashley wanted it to be. Just the two of them, Joey, Ashley, Joey’s potency, Ashley’s love, and no Nick.

But no matter how tightly Ashley closed his eyes, Nick was still there, in the room. And no matter how much Ashley loved Joey, Nick would always have the final say, the ultimate control over his body.

Nick was dangerous.

Ashley loved Joey.

That might not be enough.

“You’re amazing.”

Lance pushed Brian’s hip back, sliding on top of him, looking down into his soft, wanting eyes. “You were incredible,” he said. God, he’d never seen anyone take it like that.

“I love the way you touch me,” Brian said, stroking Lance’s face. “God, the way your hands feel on my body…”

Curious about the drugged desire in Brian’s voice, Lance put his hand on Brian’s stomach, sliding it up to Brian’s chest. Brian moaned, arching softly beneath him. God. “You’re so fucking responsive,” Lance whispered, watching him shiver at the brush of a fingertip to his nipple.

“Your voice,” Brian said, caressing Lance’s neck, fingers skimming over his voice box. “The way you sound, the way you… Say my name,” he said, looking into Lance’s eyes, asking for it. “Say my name, say…”

“Brian,” Lance said, softly.

“Ooohhh…” Brian moaned, twisting slightly, sliding his hands up into Lance’s hair. His hips ground slowly against Lance’s dick, and Lance’s dick twitched in response. Brian groaned again, louder this time, eyes closing slowly. “You’re so much,” Brian said, his voice lost in desire. “You’re so much, Lance, I can’t take it. Everything about you, the way you touch me, the sound of your voice, the way your body moves over mine. I’ve never wanted anyone like this, I’ve never…craved someone like this. You’re so good, you’ve always been so good, the first time, when you touched me, in front of Howie, I thought I was going to die from not screaming with the pleasure you gave me.” His hands were stroking, stroking, stroking, and his body was still grinding against Lance’s dick, slowly, making Lance’s body respond more and more. “I did everything I could, I thought about every disgusting horrible thing I could, but it was still so good I just wanted to…explode.” Brian groaned softly, his teeth briefly catching his lower lip. Lance watched in aroused fascination. “I couldn’t let you know, not then, not in front of Howie, I couldn’t give myself away, I couldn’t… Oh, Lance…”

“Brian,” Lance whispered.

Brian moaned in response, his voice drenched with lust. “Oh, Lance… I just wanted so much to…return the favor.”

Return the favor? Return the, oh, god. “You wanted to suck my dick,” Lance said, his dick pulsing at the thought.

Brian’s eyes opened, his body shuddering with pleasure. “Lance, let me, please, let me show you how good I can make you feel. You make me feel so…alive…” Brian moaned, hands sliding across Lance’s back. “I just want to give that back to you. I just wish you could feel even some of what you’ve given to me today.”

Lance ached with the need to fuck Brian’s writhing, willing body. “Okay,” he said. “God, yeah.”

Jacob walked out and found Chris sitting on the sofa, watching TV. “This is fucking priceless.”

“Um…” Chris hesitated, looking oddly conflicted.

“I can’t find anybody, but you’re here,” Jacob said. “Why don’t you and all of your friends just move right in?” He looked around, irritated. “Have you seen Dan?”

“He left,” Chris said. “With Justin. Ashley left. Trevor and Erik are upstairs having an important conversation. Cheeto?”

Jacob was so fed up, he just didn’t care anymore. “Why the hell not?” he asked, and sat beside Chris. “I hate this fucking TV.”

“It’s nice,” Chris said.

“I hate it.”

“Okay.”

They watched in silence.

Jacob noticed that Chris was watching him more than the movie. “What?” he asked, the question coming out sharper than he’d intended. God, he was so fucking frustrated with everyfuckingbody.

“Nothing,” Chris said.

Jacob took more Cheetos.

“I like your shirt,” Chris said

“Thanks,” Jacob said with a brief glance down at his chest. “It’s not mine, it’s Brian’s.”

“Well, it’s still nice,” Chris said.

The movie continued.

“I hate this fucking TV,” Jacob said.

“You mentioned that,” Chris said.

“Erik has this TV and a shitload of clothes, Dan has a shitload of clothes, Ashley has that fucking bust. Are you planning on showering Trevor with gifts, too?”

“No,” Chris said.

“Good,” Jacob said darkly. “Don’t.”

“Okay, then,” Chris said.

Dan set the bag down on Justin’s bed. “You really, really owe me.”

“I know I do,” Justin said.

“You’re sure they didn’t recognize us? They won’t send the security tape to the news?”

“I’m sure,” Justin said. “I promise.” He put his hand on Dan’s forearm. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t take that risk for myself, and I wouldn’t push you into it, either.”

“I can’t believe I just talked to the guys about discretion and responsibility, and then I did this,” Dan said.

“I appreciate it,” Justin said. “Thank you.”

Dan looked into Justin’s eyes and sighed. “You’re welcome. I just wish that you didn’t think you needed this stuff.”

“It’s not that bad,” Justin said. “They’re just sex toys. You’ve never used anything in bed?”

“Nothing that wasn’t a pre-existing body part,” Dan said.

“Well, it’s either this or going back to AJ, and we can both agree AJ’s not really the best choice,” Justin said. “But damn, he’s good to my body.”

“He’s also extremely bad for your mental health,” Dan said. “You know, you could have warned me.”

“About what?” Justin asked.

“That the guy at the store was going to make sure these things worked. I really wasn’t expecting him to start turning them on in the middle of the store like that.”

Justin grinned. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, well, I always like to humiliate myself for a good cause,” Dan said. “So, are you going to…” He gestured vaguely.

“Yes, I’m going to,” Justin gestured vaguely, grinning. “You probably don’t want to stay in the room and watch.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Dan said. “How long is this going to take? Should I just wait downstairs, or should I go home, or-”

“No,” Justin said. “Just wait downstairs. You can order food, if you want. There’s money by the menus in the kitchen. I…” His hand slid inside Dan’s; his eyes were soft, serious. “I want you to stay, tonight.”

“Where else would I be?” Dan asked, squeezing his hand once, twice.

Justin squeezed back, twice. “I’ll come downstairs when I’m finished.”

“Okay,” Dan said, releasing his hand. “Feel free not to tell me all about it.”

Justin laughed.

Brian put one hand back on the table for support, moaning, as Lance kissed him deeply. Brian was so hot for him, so needy; Lance leaned him back over the table, wanting to fuck him there, right in the moment.

“Oh, god, Lance.” When Lance dragged his mouth away from Brian’s kiss, Brian looked at him with dazed passion, fingers circling his ear. Brian’s breathing was ragged, and when Lance brushed a soft, teasing kiss over Brian’s lips, Brian moaned softly and whispered his name.

“Call me,” Lance said. “Tomorrow.” He trailed his fingertips down Brian’s cheek and watched Brian shiver. “After you’re finished with Jacob.”

“All of the time I’m with him, all of the time he’s here, I’m going to be thinking about you,” Brian whispered. “Aching for you to…touch me…again.”

“I know what you mean.” Lance kissed him, taking his mouth in a slow mating, feeling Brian’s hands rub up his back. This time, when Lance pulled away from the kiss, Brian visibly forced himself to let go, releasing Lance from his embrace. “Good-bye,” Lance said, tugging Brian’s shirt back into place.

Brian handed him his keys. “Good-bye,” Brian murmured, gazing into his eyes with unabashed longing.

Lance kissed his cheek and left.

Jacob’s phone rang.

Chris managed not to jump to his feet.

“Hello?”

Chris was so tense in anticipation, he was probably going to warp the rim of the bowl he was holding.

“Hey,” Jacob said, so warmly the TV screen fogged over. “Hey, yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Okay. Yeah, no, don’t worry about it. Okay. Bye.” He hung up his phone.

Chris wanted that phone.

“I’m going out,” Jacob said, getting up. “If anybody asks…forget it. Nice talking to you.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “Yep.”

“Bye.” Jacob was gone.

Chris wasn’t having the worst day ever. Was he?

Trevor walked in. “Hey, sorry about that. I didn’t know it would take so long.”

“Yeah,” Chris said, rising quickly, shoving the bowl into Trevor’s hands. “I have to go, there’s someone I have to see, somewhere I have to be, so, good-bye, it’s been a pleasure,” he kissed Trevor’s cheek, Trevor’s mouth, Trevor’s other cheek. “I’ll see you later. I’ll call you.” He kissed Trevor again, and left.

Howie looked concerned. “Lance?”

“Is anyone in there?” Lance asked.

“No,” Howie said. “I’m alone. What-”

“Great,” Lance said, and cupped his elbow, steering him back into the house, closing the door swiftly. “Did you fuck him in your car last night?”

“Lance-”

“Did you?” Lance demanded. “Did you fuck JC in your car last night? Was that you?”

“I was driving,” Howie said. “JC was in the backseat with Erik. I’m sure he’d tell you that if-”

“Did you mean it?” Lance asked. “When you told me that it was good to see me, did you mean it? Was it good to see me in JC’s kitchen when you were fresh from his bed?”

“Yes,” Howie said. “Yes, Lance, yes, it was good to see you. It’s always good to see you, you know that. What’s going on? Why are you-”

“I fucked Brian,” Lance said. “You’re fucking my best friend, I’m fucking yours. He went up in my arms like a firecracker. No one has ever wanted me more, no one has ever responded to me like that. Not even you, not even you on your best day.”

“I’m happy for you,” Howie said. “I’m glad-”

“If you don’t let me fuck you right here, right now, I’m going to take you by force,” Lance said, grabbing Howie’s wrist and jerking him tight to Lance’s body. “Are you going to let me?”

Howie tried to turn his wrist; Lance wouldn’t let him go. “I thought you were with Brian.”

“I am, I just left his bed, I fucked him until he could barely walk,” Lance said. “I’m fucking Brian, Howie, just like you’re fucking JC. He’s good, he’s amazing, he’s the most incredible lover I’ve ever had.”

Howie didn’t give him shock, or anger, or betrayal, only a gaze brimming with sex, and power. “Then why are you here for me?”

“I know my limits, I know my body, I learned how far I can go from those long days and longer nights with you. I have one left, Howie, I saved it, I saved it for you. I will be damned if I will let you fuck JC and forget about me. I will be damned if that little fucker the two of you are fucking gets more of you than I do. And I will be damned if you think you can shove me off on Brian. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. He’s hot, he wants me, I could have made love to him all fucking night and still wanted him in the morning. But he is not you. No one will ever be you.” Lance tightened his grip, staring into Howie’s face. “I am going to be the one in your bed tonight.”

Howie smiled. “If that’s all you wanted, Lance, all you had to do was say so.” He tugged his wrist free with a neat twist. “You can spend the night, if that’s what you want. I don’t have any other plans. You should call, first, though, you know that.”

“Don’t you fucking give me this,” Lance said. “Don’t you fucking give me this. I fucked over all of my friends today, I fucking killed Chris, and I did not come here to get this fucking performance from you!”

Howie tipped his head slightly to one side. “Whatever choices you’ve made, Lance, you can’t blame them on me.”

“Give me something real!” Lance shouted. “I can’t fucking take this from you!”

“Real?” Howie asked. “I don’t-”

“Real!” Lance shouted, shoving Howie back into the wall. “God damn it, Howie, tell me who the fuck you are! Show me some actual goddamned fucking emotion! You, you, I want to see you!”

Howie pushed himself off of the wall and stared Lance dead in the eye.

Lance held still, not breathing, waiting, sensing the sudden shift in the air.

Howie’s voice was soft, dangerous. “I thought you knew who I was, Lance. If you were really looking, you’d see everything you need to see right here in front of you.”

“All I see,” Lance said, his voice tight and hard with pain and anger, “is the cold, hard shell of the man I used to be in love with.”

Howie stepped back. “I never should have let you in.”

“Let me in?!” Lance demanded. “Let me in what?! You must mean in your house, in your bed, in your body, because I’ve never been inside you, inside your heart. I don’t even think you have one!”

“I gave myself to you,” Howie said. “I put myself on the line for you. I gave you everything I had.”

“What are you talking about?” Lance demanded. “That was a fucking game! That was a fucking joke, and I was the punch line! That wasn’t real! That was never real!”

“I don’t think,” Howie said, “that you know what real is.”

“Then show me,” Lance said. “Show me what real is. Give me something real. Give me something!”

Howie grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him. Kissed him hard, kissed him until he ran out of air, kissed him until he almost forgot what the hell they’d been fighting about. Then Howie released him abruptly, staring into his eyes with all of that sex again, all of that power again, like Howie was in full control of everything even if no one else realized it. “That’s real,” Howie said. “When you’re fucking me, I’m as real as I ever get. You know me, Lance, you know me better than JC ever will, you just haven’t realized it yet.”

Lance didn’t think that he could do this anymore, but he knew that he couldn’t stop. “I want to believe you.”

“Then make love to me,” Howie said. “Make love to me tonight. Decide what to believe in the morning.”

Continue on to part twenty-four

matthew@matthewtime.com
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