Justin took a quick shower, then walked through the house to make sure there wasn’t evidence of AJ’s visit for Dan to find.  Physically, he felt looser, more relaxed; his brain was calmer, too.  At least AJ was good for something.

 

            When the doorbell rang, he let Dan into the house.  “How’s everything with your people?”

 

            “Not bad,” Dan said.  “How’s everything with yours?”

 

            Justin grinned.  “Not bad.”

 

            “So, what are you into?  Going to bed, going out, a little food, a little PlayStation?” Dan asked.

 

            “How’s Rex’s Damnation sound?”

 

            Dan smiled broadly.  “How’s me kicking your ass sound?”

            JC put aside concern for Chris as he stepped into Erik’s bedroom.  He slipped into his other persona, into the JC who was committed to Howie and wanted to draw Erik into their web of desire.

 

            Erik was opening his closet doors, finding his new purchases.  JC studied him with new eyes, smiling.  He really was a nice guy.  He was young, he was horny, he had a lot of enthusiasm for life in general.  He was very obviously attracted to them, and JC’s ego liked that.  His dark eyes, his full mouth, his soft young skin…  The press of his body to JC’s, the warm, eager touch of his hands, the lust in his eyes…  JC’s gaze roamed Erik’s body, wondering, remembering.

 

            “I like you in purple,” Howie was saying, spreading clothes across the bed.  “It brings out the warmth in your skin.”

 

            “I didn’t know how much stuff we got in purple before I saw it all together,” Erik said.  “I don’t even wear that much purple.  Ever.”

 

            “What do you think, JC?” Howie asked.

 

            “I don’t know,” JC said, moving closer, letting his sexual curiosity draw him towards Erik.  “I’d like to see you take off what you’re wearing and try some of this on.”

 

            Erik blushed, but he was grinning.  “Okay,” he said, his smile nervous in an excited way.  He began to undress, and JC watched his quick movements, the unveiling of his flesh.  There was something appealing about his body, something smooth and inviting about his skin, something soft about it that reminded JC of…

 

            …Nick.

 

            JC rubbed his thumb across his fingertips, wanting to touch.  Nick wasn’t skinny or hard or overmuscled; there was something rich and delicious about his body that invited touch, invited exploration, invited hands and lips and tongues.  Erik had the same appeal.  JC wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before.  Erik wasn’t Nick, of course, but still, JC wanted to touch.  Kiss.  Explore.  There was a softness to his skin, a fullness to his ass, an invitation in the smoothness of his-

 

            “JC?” Howie asked.

 

            JC realized that he was supposed to be participating, not lusting silently.  He slid his hands across Erik’s waist, taking a moment to enjoy the feel of warm masculine flesh.  Erik’s body wanted to be touched.  But the pants Erik had on, and the shirt hanging from one hand, weren’t right.  “Not these pants, honey,” he said, and unbuttoned them.  Easing down the zipper, he gazed into Erik’s eyes, seeing desire there, feeling his own body respond to it.  He liked Erik’s smile, the warmth of it, the innocence.  Erik thought he knew the world, but he didn’t, and JC was going to teach him.

 

            “Uh…JC,” Erik said, his smile bright, his eyes flickering nervously past JC to Howie, then returning.

 

            “Erik-Michael,” JC said, drawing it out, lingering over the syllables as his gaze lingered on Erik’s mouth.  It looked so soft, so…welcoming…  JC licked his own lips slowly, entranced, unconsciously sliding his hands inside Erik’s open pants to stroke Erik’s ass.

 

            Behind him, he heard the door lock.

 

            That was all the impetus JC needed.  He caught Erik’s mouth with his own, pushing into the kiss, stroking his tongue aggressively past Erik’s lips.  Erik grunted, surprised, quickly wrapping his arms around JC, balancing their weight and bringing JC’s hips flush to his.  Feeling how hard Erik already was, JC ground against him, pushing down his pants, tugging down his underwear.  Erik’s kiss was fast, hungry, making JC kiss back harder.  His hands were greedy on JC’s body, making JC feel wanted, urging JC to give more, take more.

 

            JC let Erik’s lust for him drag him deeper into the moment.  He concentrated on the physical, sexual stimuli of Erik’s tongue stroking into his mouth, Erik’s hands hot and possessive on his body, Erik’s soft groans and panting breaths, Erik’s naked flesh bared to his hands.  In the back of his mind he heard Howie’s advice: tell him how much you want it, what are you going to give him, don’t overdo it.  Moaning, JC rubbed Erik’s erection with one hand, barely breaking the kiss to say, “Erik-Michael, honey, let me,” slow moan, lingering kiss, making Erik wait, “suck it for you.”

 

            Erik groaned, throbbing against JC’s palm.  “Yeah, god, okay,” he said, taking JC’s mouth in another kiss.

 

            JC pumped Erik’s dick slowly, going down onto his knees.  “Baby,” he murmured, and licked precum from the head, hearing Erik moan.  He swirled his tongue around the crown, tightening his grip just so.

 

            “Don’t touch him.  Touch me.”

 

            JC closed his eyes, bringing Howie into his mind.  The smoothness of Howie’s skin, the definition of Howie’s muscles, the hardness of Howie’s dick stretching him, filling him…  JC moaned, sucking deeply, stroking the bones of Erik’s pelvis with exploring fingers.  He loved the smooth, even thrust of Howie’s dick, the way Howie’s hands shaped his hips, the way Howie’s kisses always drew him in closer, closer, closer.  He sucked over Erik’s dick, working into a steady rhythm, forcing Erik to groan the way Howie had, remembering those needful, aching, satisfied moans.  JC’s dick pulsed heavily within the confines of his pants, reminding him of his own needs, and as he sucked hungrily on Erik’s dick he remembered the gentle squeezes from Howie’s hand and he moaned, sucking harder, the gasping groans of Erik’s pleasure peaking with the thick spurts of Erik’s cum.

 

            JC lingered, stroking Erik’s naked thighs, remembering the solid fullness of Nick’s legs.  He kissed Erik’s hip and rose, kissing Erik slowly, licking teasingly against his tongue.  “I want you so much,” he whispered, sliding his fingers around the shell of Erik’s ear, stroking back over peach fuzz.  He looked into Erik’s eyes, attracted to the desire there.  “I wish you could fuck me, honey.  I want you inside.”

 

            “You have no idea,” Erik said, kissing him hungrily, rubbing right beside his aching dick, so close it made him twist closer.  “Can I, do you want me to…”
 

            JC almost said yes, but at the last second he remembered to glance at Howie.  “Not now, baby.  Not here.  We’ve already done too much.  We don’t want your friends to get suspicious.”  He kissed Erik slowly, licking gently.  “Later.  Tonight.”  He was so hard it wouldn’t have taken much more to get him off, but he backed up, adjusting his clothes with a brief smile.  “Looks like you still need something to wear.”

            Chris was losing his third game of checkers in a row when his phone rang.  Normally he was better at board games than this, but normally he wasn’t having a mental breakdown.  He checked the ID.

 

            Kevin.

 

            It was Kevin.

 

            “Kirkpatrick,” he said, and it came out surprisingly normal.

 

            “Where are you and what are you doing?”

 

            “I’m at the Townhouse playing checkers with Trevor.”  He watched Trevor jump two of his checkers.  “I’m losing.”

 

            “I’m at my house.  Come here, right now.”

 

            “Yes, sir.”  Chris pocketed his phone.  “I have to go.  I’m needed elsewhere.”  He jumped one of Trevor’s pieces.  “King me,” he said, and leaned across the table to kiss Trevor’s mouth.  “I’ll see you later.  I’ll call you or something.”

 

            “Okay,” Trevor said, and tugged him in for another kiss.  Soft, promising.  “Bye.”

 

            If Chris didn’t get to Kevin soon, he was going to lose it.  Seriously lose it.  Kevin at least could usually fuck him, calm him, or intimidate him into some semblance of sanity.  Chris had nothing under control, not himself, not his life, not his desires, not his needs.  Kevin had everything under control.

 

            Still, for a moment, Chris almost regretted walking away from Trevor.  It was a little hard to leave someone who actually loved him, and cared about him, and wanted to share something special with him.

 

            But Kevin had summoned him.  And Kevin had Brian.  And Chris could never say no to that.

            Erik held still while Howie smoothed his collar.  He’d had wardrobe people fix his clothes before, but Howie’s touch was lingering, and there was a fond smile quirking Howie’s lips.  While they were face-to-face, Erik took the time to look, really look at the rising slopes of Howie’s cheekbones, the soft curves of his mouth, the warm brown of his eyes.  Erik brought one hand up, stroking the trim hair on Howie’s chin, and Howie tilted in for a slow, clinging kiss.  For a moment they were held there in time, and then Howie’s hands moved out across his shoulders and Howie’s tongue touched his and Erik brought his other hand up, flattening it against the small of Howie’s back.

 

            Yearning, breathy, “Erik-Michael,” and then Howie was kissing him again, and Erik brought Howie closer to his body, his hand sliding down over Howie’s ass while his thoughts spun off in new directions.  It was hard to think while Howie was sucking on his tongue, but he couldn’t remember hearing Howie sound like that before.  He didn’t know that tone; he didn’t recognize that voice.  Not just desire, but longing, yearning, like Howie wanted things from him, more things than he’d already given.  Wasn’t everything out and available for Howie to take?  When had he ever denied Howie, refused Howie anything?  What more could Howie want from him?

 

            It was a heavy, almost staggering notion.  Howie.  Yearning.  For him.  He didn’t know what it meant, but damn, it felt good.

 

            Howie released him, stepping back, and he licked his lips, feeling heat in his cheeks.  “So, how do I look?”  He wasn’t a big fan of wearing purple, and the pants were a little tight.  Then again, the pants wouldn’t feel as tight if he weren’t as hard.  Besides, what, was he afraid of looking gay?  He was screwing two men.  It was sort of a moot point.  Of course, it wasn’t like everybody had to know he was screwing two men.  It was weird; half of him wanted to run down the street in joyous celebration yelling, “I’m fucking JC Chasez and he’s fucking hot!”  The other half of him didn’t want anyone to suspect anything ever.  If people thought he was gay, everything would change.  He wasn’t even sure he was gay.  He just happened to like kissing Howie.  Who wouldn’t?

 

            “You look great,” Howie said.

 

            “You look hot,” JC agreed, smiling at him.  “Let’s go turn heads.”

            Chris didn’t know why he felt like seeing Kevin would make him feel better.  Only seeing Brian would actually help.  But Kevin at least provided him with just the right kind of sex that took him away from the pain, that momentarily eased the agony, that brought him physical release.  And Kevin was easy to deal with; Kevin was clear, and direct, and told him what to do so he didn’t have to think.  Making his own decisions wasn’t his strong suit anymore.  He tended to make bad decisions, like falling in love with Brian.  But that hadn’t been a conscious choice at all; that had been a biological imperative.  How could he not fall in love with Brian?

 

            Kevin had just been with Brian.  Kevin had promised to give him something of Brian’s.  Anything, a small piece of Brian, Chris didn’t care if it was a plastic spoon, he just-

 

            He was unraveling.  He knew it, he could tell, he was getting worse and worse every day.  Before this had all started up again, during the long stretch of time when Brian had been out of his life, he’d learned to live day by day.  He’d managed the pain, he’d hidden the torment, he’d kept it together.  Now, with Brian back and Kevin around and Trevor pulling on emotions he didn’t have available anymore, he was under too much stress, too much pressure.  It was pulling him apart, and he didn’t know if he could keep playing this game.

 

            The door opened.  Kevin took one look at him and said, “You look like hell.”

 

            “You look great.  How’s Brian?”

 

            “Get in here,” Kevin said with controlled impatience.  Chris entered, and Kevin closed the door, walking him into the front room.  “Sit down.”

 

            Chris sat, looking around the room, wondering which item of Brian’s Kevin might have for him.  Whatever it was, had Kevin taken it with Brian’s knowledge and permission, or behind Brian’s back?  If Brian knew that Kevin was taking things to give to him, was he okay with that?  He was okay with that, he was, he had to be.  Brian knew everything about him.  He’d never hide anything from Brian.  He was always open with Brian, honest, about everything.  “Where’s Brian?  How was Kentucky?  He took me there.  We-”

 

            “Chris,” Kevin said, and sat on the coffee table, directly in front of him, firmly cupping his chin and looking straight into his eyes.  “Do not.  Stalk.  Jacob.”

 

            Chris swallowed.

 

            “I can’t afford to have you any more distracted than you already are.”  Kevin’s voice was serious, commanding.  “You’re already having too much trouble completing the tasks I’m giving you.  You cannot run after Jacob.  You shouldn’t be spending any time alone with him.  Ever.”

 

            Brian was talking to Jacob, spending time with Jacob, sharing time and ideas and laughter and experiences with Jacob.  Brian was consuming Jacob, piece by piece, bit by bit, day by day.  Memorizing the way Jacob smiled, the way Jacob laughed, the way Jacob ate, the way Jacob walked and drove and shook hands and cursed and dressed.  Brian was going to be examining Jacob through a lover’s eyes.  Brian was going to kiss Jacob’s soft, generous mouth and stroke Jacob’s tight, rippled abs and tuck back Jacob’s hair to whisper sweet, sweet words into Jacob’s ear and make hot, dazzling love to Jacob until Jacob couldn’t imagine a more life-affirming, life-changing, life-shattering experience.  Chris wasn’t capable of hating anyone more than he hated Jacob; he wanted Jacob to die, and he would have been more than happy to make that happen himself.  But if Jacob was going to live, and Brian was going to share magical love, life, sex, and happiness with Jacob, then Chris wanted to be there.  If he couldn’t have Brian for himself, then he’d have Brian through Jacob.

 

            Kevin’s voice was deadly as a knife.  “Tell me you’re going to stay away from him.”

 

            Chris couldn’t lie.  “I have to be near him.”

 

            Kevin’s eyes were calculating.  “I thought you’d want to kill him.”

 

            “I do!  I want to do horrible, unspeakable things to him.  I want to torture him and mutilate him and make him beg for mercy, and then I want to rip him apart with my bare hands until there’s nothing left.  But I can’t do that.  I want to talk to him and spend time with him and be with him, the way Brian is.”

 

            Kevin’s gaze narrowed.  “Brian’s going to fuck him.  Do you want to fuck him?”

 

            Oh.  That was it.  That was it!  “Yes,” Chris said.  He hadn’t thought of it that plainly, but yes, that was what he wanted.  Brian was experiencing Jacob to the fullest, and he wanted to share in that experience; he wanted to share in Brian’s life, so he wanted to experience Jacob, too.  He wanted to feel what Brian felt and see what Brian saw and do what Brian did, because maybe then he’d be closer to Brian.  Maybe then he’d understand.

 

            “I’m going to give you a direct order, because you respond to direct orders, and I’m going to use small words so you’ll understand exactly what I’m saying,” Kevin said, leaning in closer.  “Do not stalk Jacob.  Do not touch Jacob.  Do not go near Jacob.  Stay away from Jacob.  Brian doesn’t need the interference, and I don’t need you getting distracted.  I need you focused on the job in front of you, and Brian is not going to like it if you fuck this up for him.”

 

            Chris stared.  He’d never fuck up anything for Brian.

 

            “Tell me you’re going to stay away from Jacob,” Kevin ordered.

 

            “I’ll stay away from Jacob,” Chris said immediately.  He wouldn’t risk ruining Brian’s plans.

 

            “Good.”  Most of the stern tension left Kevin’s shoulders; he touched Chris’s cheek and dropped a brief kiss by Chris’s mouth.  “You look like shit.  How’s everything been going?  How’s Trevor?”

 

            Oh.  That.  Chris kicked off his shoes and drew up his feet, leaning back, twisting his fingers in his socks.  “I stayed with him.  He fucked me, and I didn’t get hard, and I think he got discouraged.  The next morning, I missed Brian, and I tried to use Trevor for a sex fix, but I couldn’t get into it.  He wasn’t anything like Brian or anything like you, so I just gave up.  He got pissed off, but I stayed.  And then we talked, and I tried again, and…”

 

            “And?”  Kevin’s voice held a note of warning.  It sounded like “You’ve been doing great up until this point, and I’m prepared to be pleased with your performance, so don’t blow it.”

            It was already blown.  “It worked.  I found Brian.  He fucked me, and I fucked him, and it was almost like having Brian back.  And then when it was over, I…”  Chris didn’t have words.  He didn’t know how to express the gut-wrenching agony of opening his eyes and not seeing Brian, of seeing the wrong person, an alien, a stranger.  The killing pain of it.  It had felt like having Brian back all over again, and losing Brian all over again.  He’d finally, finally felt like he was experiencing Brian again, and he’d made love to his beautiful, beautiful, perfect Brian, and there had been joy again, and hope.  There had been color in the world again.

 

            Opening his eyes, seeing Trevor in Brian’s place, had been a severe jolt of disorientation.  Dislocation.

 

            He’d lost Brian again.

 

            Reality was an ever-changing, inconstant thing.  He was in love with Brian.  Brian was in love with him.  Brian wasn’t in love with him.  He was Kevin’s former boyfriend.  He was Kevin’s current sex partner.  He was Kevin’s evil minion.  He was Trevor’s friend.  He wanted to start over again at love with Trevor.  He liked Trevor.  He hated Trevor.  None of it made sense anymore.  None of it fit anymore.  Brian had shown him that reality was only what he chose to believe from his perspective, or what other people convinced him to accept.  Chris had stopped enjoying reality a long time ago, and Kevin and Trevor were making it worse.

 

            Chris realized that the room had been silent for too long.  He wondered what that was about.  He looked up to see if Kevin was - - Jesus.

 

            “You fucked Trevor,” Kevin said.

 

            This wasn’t going to be good.

 

            “You fucked Trevor,” Kevin repeated.

 

            Chris wondered if he could make it to the door without getting caught.

 

            “You fucked Trevor?!”  Kevin was on his feet, over six feet of rage, danger, and threat.  “I told you to let him fuck you once, and you did exactly what I wanted.  And then you turned right around and got him to fuck you again, and enjoyed it.  I could have dealt with that, I could have made that work, that didn’t have to be a problem.  But then you fucked him?!”

 

            It was almost frightening, to watch Kevin be this furious but still remain in control.  Obviously, he was mad as hell, and wanted to knock over furniture and slam Chris’s head through a wall.  The rage in his voice, the hatred in his eyes, the tension in his body all clearly communicated that he wanted Chris dead.  But he wasn’t even gesturing, much less getting violent.  Chris wondered why Kevin was choosing to spare his life.

 

            Then Kevin leaned in, planting his hands behind Chris’s shoulders on the back of the couch, green eyes glaring hatred from mere inches away.  “You.  Fucked.  Up,” Kevin growled.

 

            Chris leaned back into the cushions, making a smaller target of himself.  Kevin was scaring him.

 

            “I could make your life very, very good.  I could make things a lot easier for you.  But you’ve chosen to make things a lot harder for me.”

 

            He didn’t like the way Kevin’s eyes were glittering.  It made Kevin look sort of evil.  Chris was frightened now.  He wanted to stop the ride and get off.

 

            “Brian doesn’t want you,” Kevin said.  “Brian doesn’t love you, and he never will.”

 

            Chris tensed.  That was a low fucking blow, and whether it was true or not, Kevin didn’t have to say it.  He knew that he shouldn’t react, that he should let the large scary man yell and hope that it would be over soon, because Kevin was disturbingly frightening and he was not a well man on a good day, but he couldn’t hold back a quick, whispered, angry, “Fuck you.”

 

            There was a long moment of silence.  They stared into each other’s eyes, unflinching, unmoving, mere inches apart.  Chris heard himself breathing.  He wasn’t sure Kevin was breathing at all.

 

            He really, really shouldn’t have said that.

 

            He really, really regretted it.

 

            Kevin was really, really angry.

 

            He was really, really scared right now.

 

            “You cross me,” Kevin whispered, “your life is over.”

 

            Chris was watching Kevin’s eyes.  He believed it.

 

            “Do,” Kevin ordered, his voice low and dangerous, “what I tell you to do.  You are going to obey me.  I reward obedience.  I punish disobedience.  I can improve the quality of your life, or I can make it go downhill faster than you can get the words out to beg me to stop.”

 

            Chris wondered if this began to explain why Justin screamed at night.

 

            “If I want to, I can be nice to you.  I can be your friend,” Kevin said.  “But you have to make me want to.  Right now, Chris, I don’t think I want to.”

 

            Chris suspected that Kevin’s version of “friend” wasn’t quite as friendly as what he was used to.

 

            “I had something for you,” Kevin said, straightening, taking one step back.  Chris wondered if that move meant that the bloodshed was over.  “It was a gift, something of Brian’s.  I was going to give it to you as a reward for handling things here with Trevor while I was gone.”

 

            Brian’s?  “What is it?” Chris asked, unable to make himself shut up.

 

            “That doesn’t matter,” Kevin said.  “You’re not going to get it.”

 

            “I have to have it,” Chris said immediately.

 

            “I just told you that you’re not going to get it,” Kevin said.

 

            “It’s Brian’s,” Chris said, getting to his feet.  “I need it.”  There was nothing more urgent in the world.

 

            Thunderclouds gathered overhead.  “I don’t like having to repeat myself, Chris.”

 

            Whoa, scary.  Chris really had to remember not to piss Kevin off, because apparently, the wicked sociopath who lived inside Kevin’s body did not want to be disturbed.  Okay, Chris could learn that lesson.  “What do you like?” Chris asked.  “I’ll do whatever you want.  Wash your car.  Wax your doorknobs.  Seduce Trevor.  Want me to run a few errands?  Money, sex, anything, you name it.”

 

            Kevin studied him, arms crossed.

 

            Chris tried to look intelligent and obedient.

 

            “There is something you might be able to do for me,” Kevin said.

            Justin thought he might be spending too much time with Dan, because he was starting to sense Dan’s moods.  They were simply playing Rex’s Damnation, eating chips and talking smack, but Dan seemed distracted.  At first Justin thought maybe he was just tired, because it was getting late, but he didn’t look sleepy; he looked preoccupied.  Finally, Justin paused the game and said, “You okay?”

 

            “What?” Dan asked.  “Yeah,” he said.  “I’m fine.  Why?”

 

            Justin shook his head.  “You talk a whole lotta game for someone who’s letting me spank his ass all over the screen.”

 

            Dan laughed, but the smile left his eyes a beat too quickly.  “I don’t know,” he said.  “It’s just some stuff.  It’s nothing serious.”

 

            Normally Justin would have respected Dan’s privacy, but he needed to know what was going on in Dan’s life, any problems, any weaknesses.  “Work stuff?” he guessed.  “Family stuff, friend stuff?”

 

            Dan’s smile was amused despite itself.  “All of the above.”

 

            There was only one thing in Justin’s life that equaled, at once, work, family, and friends.  “The guys?”

 

            “Yeah.”  Dan nodded, looking away.  “I don’t know everything that’s going on, but I don’t think I like what I do know.”

 

            This could get tricky.  Justin had been where Dan was, once.  “What do you mean?”

 

            “It’s nothing,” Dan said.  “It’s not my place to tell them how to live their lives, anyway.  They do what they want to do.”

 

            “What they do affects you,” Justin said.  “What you do affects them.  You’re one, you’re a unit.”  Sometimes that was easy and fun.  Sometimes it was hard as hell.  But it was always a fact.

 

            “I can’t tell them what to do,” Dan said.

 

            “You’re their leader, right?” Justin asked.  “One of their leaders.  What does Jacob think?”

 

            Dan laughed.  “Man, I don’t know what Jacob thinks.  Maybe I should ask Brian.”

 

            Justin tried not to smile.  This was getting fun.  “Brian?”

 

            “Jacob’s living in Brian’s pockets,” Dan said.  “He called a group meeting, we all got together, and as soon as we were ready he was running out the door, going to pick up Brian.”

 

            Justin’s brain froze.  “Tonight?”

 

            “Yeah,” Dan said.  “It’s not that big of a deal, but it’s not like Jacob, and it’s just one more sign that I don’t really know what’s going on anymore.  Maybe I’ve been away too much, but it was just a few days.”

 

            Jacob had gone to pick up Brian.  Brian was with Kevin.  If Brian was home, then Kevin was home.  Kevin was back.  Justin dug his hands into the carpeting for self-control.  “Maybe you should spend more time with them.”

 

            “Yeah,” Dan said.  “I’ll see what’s going on tomorrow.”

 

            Justin couldn’t think of a decent segue, so he jumped right in.  “I’m finished kicking your ass.”

            “Yeah?” Dan asked, casting a glance at the screen.

 

            “I’m being merciful,” Justin said.  “I think I’m going to make a few calls and go to bed.  You can hang out, or whatever, if you’re not tired.”

 

            “Yeah, okay,” Dan said.

 

            “Okay.”  Justin got up.  It was a struggle not to run right out of the room.

            This was one of the hottest clubs Joey had ever been to.  The music was electric, the drinks were strong, the shows were wild, and the dancers were very, very friendly.  It was good to fuck a woman again.

 

            One of the hottest things about the club, though, was Nick.  Nick’s smirk, Nick’s ass, Nick’s hand on his thigh, Nick’s voice whispering in his ear.  The invitation in Nick’s eyes.  The tear in Nick’s shirt, that teasing hint of skin.  One of the dancers had touched it, flirting.  It had made Joey want him more.

 

            Joey was tired of being irritated by Nick, confused and frustrated and surprised by Nick.  He just wanted to fuck Nick, and enjoy it, and manage to work together with Nick to bring down Ashley.  It didn’t have to be any more complicated than that.

            Kevin wasn’t answering his phone.  Justin hung up on his voicemail without leaving a message, not knowing what to say.  He called again, and again, but Kevin never picked up.

 

            Finally, Justin said, “I got the flowers, and I came home.”  He’d done what Kevin had wanted.  That was all he could do.

 

            He brushed his teeth, stripped, and got in bed.  The bed was comfortable, his body was relaxed, his brain was running in Kevin circles but that was nothing new; but he couldn’t get to sleep.  He closed his eyes and thought about Kevin and waited to drift off, but nothing happened.

 

            He rolled onto his other side.

 

            Nothing.

 

            He heard noise, and opened his eyes.  Dan was coming into the room, visible in the soft lamplight.  Dan went into the bathroom and came out, undressing, then got into bed with him, sliding in behind him.  “Hey,” he said quietly.

 

            “Hey,” Dan said, soft and surprised.  “Did I wake you up, stomping around?”

 

            He almost smiled.  “No.  I couldn’t sleep.”

 

            “Oh.”  Dan’s arms came around him, strong and secure; Dan’s body spooned up against him, close and comforting.  “You tried counting sheep?”  Dan’s voice was closer now, right behind his ear, quiet and private.

 

            That felt good.  Justin leaned back into Dan, relaxing.  “No,” he said.  “I was wondering why Jacob’s hanging out with Brian.  I thought he was too cool for Backstreet.”

 

            “The way I hear it, Brian’s not a Backstreet Boy, he just happens to be in the Backstreet Boys,” Dan said.

 

            Justin laughed out loud.

 

            “That was pretty much my reaction,” Dan said.

 

            Justin liked being held like this.  It made him realize how close he and Dan were becoming.  He hadn’t intended to share this much of himself with Dan, but he couldn’t entirely regret it.  It was good to talk to someone again.  He hadn’t really let anyone see him this openly since Kevin had taught him what he was really like inside, but sometimes he thought that he could say anything to Dan.  He could say anything to AJ, too, but AJ’s truth was a little more brutal than Dan’s.  AJ and Dan were different in a lot of ways.  He got along very well with AJ physically and sexually, although their conversations were always a disaster.  He could talk to Dan for hours, but there was nothing remotely sexual between them.  Which wasn’t all that flattering, but possibly made Justin’s life a shade less complicated.  “Brian always seems like a nice guy.”

 

            “Yeah,” Dan agreed.

 

            Justin wondered how Chris was doing.  He hadn’t really talked to Chris about much more than where Kevin was.  He wondered how the other guys were doing, too.  He wondered what Kevin was doing.  Who Kevin was doing.  What he could do to get Kevin to give him another chance.  What he was willing to do to make that happen.

 

            Justin fell asleep.

            JC had been hard all night, and it was starting to get to him.  He’d tried ignoring it, which hadn’t worked.  He’d tried taking time away from Howie and Erik, but that had proven to be impossible.  He’d tried drinking, but that had only made him more horny.  Finally, he’d just given in and accepted the fact that until they got home and he let off some steam, he’d be left hard and aching.

 

            Howie had cupped it, briefly enough not to get caught but lingering just enough to guarantee he wouldn’t mistake it for an accident.  That had made things worse, of course, but it had been worth it.

 

            When he wasn’t drinking or being felt up by Howie, he was dancing with Erik.  They kept a girl between them, but their eyes were on each other.  If they could get her within their rhythm, it was almost like she wasn’t there at all.  JC kept his gaze locked with Erik’s, his hands finding Erik’s on her body, stroking Erik’s fingers, grinding against her to the rhythm of Erik’s hips.

 

            Much of their joint sexual experience had involved Howie, so they were used to finding each other through a third person.  When JC altered the rhythm, Erik followed his lead; when Erik’s fingers stroked back over JC’s wrist bones, JC mated their hands.

 

            Erik’s eyes wanted him.

 

            JC ground against the girl a little harder.

 

            Erik ground back.

 

            It wouldn’t take much more of this to get JC off.  He pushed his knee forward between her thighs, and Erik did the same, and suddenly they were that much closer to each other.  “Fuck me,” JC whispered, knowing that no one would hear him over the noise of the club, knowing that Erik would see.

 

            Heat flared in Erik’s eyes.  JC watched, felt his rhythm stutter, then speed up.  He licked his lips, slowly, and JC’s hands tensed over his.

 

            A hand hooked inside JC’s elbow; he turned his head.  Howie leaned in to say, “We’re leaving.  We’re going to your place.”  There was sexual promise in Howie’s eyes.  “Now.”

 

            JC pulled away from the girl, taking Erik with him.  “We’re going home,” he said, leaning in close enough to rub his dick against Erik’s thigh, pressing his hand against Erik’s hard-on.

 

            Erik shifted closer, smelling like sweat and women’s perfume and Howie’s cologne.  “I can’t wait that long.”

 

            JC bit back his first response.  He couldn’t make that decision without Howie.  They had to leave immediately, or he was going to get them in trouble.

 

            When they got into the car, JC hoped that Howie was willing to drive fast, because he didn’t know if he’d be able to make it.  Needs and urges were riding him, and he was just drunk enough for the idea of jumping Howie in a moving car to sound good.

 

            At the first stoplight, Howie turned right.  “Where are we going?” JC asked.

 

            “Your house,” Howie said.

 

            “My house is west of here.”

 

            “I know.”  Howie stopped at another light, turning to him and kissing him.  He kissed back quickly, moaning at the sleek caress of Howie’s tongue.  He felt Howie unbuckle his seatbelt, and opened his eyes.  “I’ll take the long way,” Howie said.  “Why don’t you sit in the back with Erik?”

 

            JC looked into Howie’s eyes, checking.

 

            Howie winked.

 

            The car was in motion, and JC climbed into the backseat, dropping down beside Erik.  He kissed Erik hungrily, unfastening first Erik’s seatbelt and then Erik’s fly.

 

            “Jesus,” Erik said, kissing back eagerly but sounding shocked.  “JC, we’re in a car.”

 

            “Oh, baby, I know,” JC said, feeding from the soft lushness of Erik’s mouth.

 

            “You’re, god, this is so fucking hot,” Erik said.  JC wrapped his hand around Erik’s dick and Erik groaned, rocking up into his grasp.  “This is, god, aren’t you, what if we get caught?”

 

            JC had gone down on Nick backstage at an awards show.  He’d let Nick fuck him in full costume minutes before performing.  Getting off in a car was not a big deal.  “Touch me, baby, please,” he said, fisting Erik’s dick with a close grip.  “I’m so hard for you.”

 

            “Jesus, yeah, I know, I know,” Erik said, fumbling open JC’s fly.  JC moaned, hips jerking forward, as Erik’s hand pushed inside his underwear.  “Oh, yeah,” Erik groaned, and the backseat was filled with the sounds of heavy panting, skin on skin, and half-moaned curses.  JC had been wanting this all night, been hot and hard and wanting Erik all night, and the rush of the car fueled the rush of his blood and he came hard, moaning and shuddering and finally reaching the release he’d been denied.  The inside of the car was dark, brightened only by the flash of streetlights, but JC recognized the lust in Erik’s eyes, felt the tension in the way Erik kissed him, the way Erik urged him closer.  He pulled away, sliding down from the seat to the floor, and bent forward, his head in Erik’s lap, taking Erik’s erection into his mouth.  The car was moving fast and Erik’s hand was in his hair and Erik’s dick was pushing full and hard between his lips and when the first spurts came, he swallowed them like water, moaning inside.

 

            By the time the car stopped, JC was almost naked and Erik’s hands were everywhere.  Getting out of the car, JC and Erik grabbed Howie, pushing each other into the house, pulling each other down the hallway, spilling across the bed.  JC was undressing Howie and Howie was undressing Erik and Erik was all over JC and JC was all over Howie and Howie was coming in Erik’s mouth.

 

            JC was a little high on sex and a little buzzed from alcohol, but he was sure he heard Erik say, very clearly, “God, I wanted that all night.”

 

            Howie was kissing JC slowly, lingering over JC’s mouth, making faint vocalizations of pleasure.  Erik was kissing Howie’s chest like he was settling in for good.  JC ran his fingers through Howie’s hair and sucked lightly on Howie’s lower lip.  Tonight was the first night he’d really enjoyed himself with Erik.  Howie had made it easier for him to focus on sex, and not on who he was actually having sex with.  Once he’d fallen in love with Nick, and he’d realized what the true fusion of sex and love could create, he’d started to look for that with his other sexual partners.  But sex didn’t have to be about love, or emotion, or anything else but body parts, physical chemistry, and sexual availability.  He didn’t have to respect Erik to be attracted; he didn’t have to like Erik to get hard.

 

            He was in this for a reason, but why shouldn’t he get what pleasure from it he could?  Why not have fun along the way?  He hadn’t expected to find this strong sexual attraction to Howie, but he had.  He hadn’t expected to find this sexual spark with Erik, either, but why not fan it into a flame and see what happened?  Being attracted to Erik sexually wouldn’t stop him from doing what he’d set out to accomplish, and it might provide some good entertainment.

 

            Howie smiled at him.  “Looks like you’re having a good night.”  In Howie’s eyes was amusement over their shared secret.

 

            JC smiled back.  “I am.  I didn’t embarrass myself by begging too much, did I?”

 

            Howie looked like he wanted to laugh, and his kiss was warm.  “No, JC, you always sound just right.”

            Joey dropped onto his back on his bed, one solid fall with a satisfying bounce.  “You keep saying we’re boyfriends.”

 

            “We are boyfriends,” Nick said from the doorway.

 

            Joey grinned.  “So c’mere and let me fuck you.”

 

            Nick laughed, walking over and climbing on top of him.  “That’s never going to happen.”

 

            Never.  Joey pushed and rolled, ending up on top.  Nick was the only person he’d ever been in bed with who was actually bigger than he was.  Weird, different, but intriguing.  “Why not?”

 

            Nick’s smile had an amused, sharp edge to it that Joey liked.  “I don’t bottom.”

 

            Joey didn’t believe that.  “Ever?”

 

            Nick shook his head.  “Ever.”

 

            Joey studied him, trying to see it.  “Bullshit.”

 

            Nick laughed.

 

            Joey smiled.

 

            “What?” Nick asked, shifting comfortably under him.

 

            “You’re kind of hot, for a complete asshole.”

 

            Nick grinned.  “You’re not that bad, either.”