"Sucker"

Sucker

Rating: NC-17 for graphic male-male sex

Pairings: Backstreet Boys/*NSYNC/O-Town

Disclaimer: The young men who comprise the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and O-Town are their own people. The author has not met anyone here described, nor does the author mean to suggest that these people act this way in real life. This writing is a work of fiction. I make no money from this venture.

Continued from part twenty...

Jacob had wasted time cleaning his room, cleaning his bathroom, polishing his nails, doing anything to avoid going to bed. He was used to talking to Brian before he fell asleep, and it felt wrong to ignore that ritual.

Then he got pissed at himself for acting ridiculous. It was late, he was tired, he was going to get into his bed and fall asleep, and maybe he’d talk to Brian tomorrow, and maybe he wouldn’t, and maybe it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to sit by the phone waiting for a boy to call; what the hell was he, a lonely girl the night before the prom?

In bed, with the lights off, he picked at his nail polish and wondered what was wrong with him today. He’d gone to see Lance. He’d done that nasty horrible thing. He’d hung out with Chris. It was like he was turning over to the dark side.

He was never going to see Lance again. He was never going to talk to Chris again, because Chris was no different from Lance; they were all the same. He was going to get all of the guys together to find out what the hell was wrong with everybody lately. He was going to get a grip and stop thinking he wanted Brian, because he didn’t want Brian. They were friends, they were close, there was nothing sexual about it.

His phone rang.

He grabbed it and said, with sudden breathlessness, “Hello?”

“Jacob. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No. I’m up,” he said, sitting up, ignoring the sudden heat in his body. “How are you? How’s everything going?”

“Oh, it’s okay. We should be coming home soon.” Brian’s voice became warmer, confidential. “I missed you today. What’d you do?”

“Not much. Dan’s back, Erik got a new TV, Chris wants to be my friend. Nothing interesting.” He couldn’t tell Brian he’d had his dick in Lance’s mouth. If Lance told Brian - - fuck, what if Lance told Brian?

“Chris?” Brian repeated, curious.

“Yeah, something about the two of us needing to get along for Trevor’s sake. It was total bullshit.” If Lance told Brian, he’d just say Lance was lying. Brian would believe him over Lance any day. He didn’t want to lie to Brian, he didn’t want to do that to their friendship, but he’d do it if he had to, over this.

“I don’t know, maybe you should give him a chance,” Brian said. “Chris always seemed like a really nice guy. He can be a little weird sometimes, but he’s kind of punk, kind of rock.”

If Brian liked Chris - - then again, Brian liked Lance. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You’re not in bed?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I am, I just couldn’t sleep,” Jacob said, and lay back down, fixing the covers. “You?”

“Yeah. I wanted to wait until I was alone and everything calmed down before I talked to you. I was in such a rush to get in bed and get to the phone, I think I skipped brushing some of my back teeth.”

Jacob laughed. “Hey, I can wait. Healthy teeth are important.”

“Erik got a new TV?”

Jacob groaned. “Do you really want to hear this story?”

“If it makes you sound like that, I think I do,” Brian said. “What kind did he get?”

Jacob launched into the story, including the boxes of clothes that had arrived. Either Erik had started spending like the big boys just to act like he could keep up with the big boys, or else Howie had bought all of that for him. Either way, Jacob didn’t like it. Brian told him not to worry about it unless it became a habit. That conversation led to a description of the heavy white marble bust Joey had sent Ashley, which sent Brian into hysterics. They talked for the next several hours, until even the sound of Brian’s laughter couldn’t spark any energy.

“You’re falling asleep,” Brian said.

“No, I’m okay,” he said. “God, I’m lying, I’m ninety-seven percent passed out right now.”

“It’s okay,” Brian said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He wanted to protest, but he was already half in dreamland. “Okay.”

“I love you,” Brian said.

Mmm. “I love you, too,” he said, and yawned.

Brian’s soft chuckle warmed his ear. “Good night, Jacob.”

Good…mmm…night…

JC stretched elegantly in the morning light, rolling over and gracing Howie with a sleepy smile. “Hi.”

Howie kissed him, stroking his hip with the palm of one hand. “Let’s go out tonight.” JC’s hair looked great, even first thing in the morning. So did Howie’s, but Howie was used to being the only person in the bed who could pull it off. Just one more irritation added to the already long list.

“I guess we should take Estrada,” JC said. “Where do you want to go?”

Howie smiled. “We could let him decide.”

JC laughed. “I don’t even want to think about where we’d have to go.”

“Let’s surprise him,” Howie said. “We’ll show up, get him dressed in some of his new clothes, you can make a big deal over how good he looks.”

“Okay,” JC said. “That’s good. Does that mean I have all day to pretend he doesn’t exist?”

“That means we,” Howie said, stroking JC’s chest, “have all day,” he kissed JC slowly, “to do whatever,” another kiss, slower, “we want.”

JC moaned, dragging him in, kissing him passionately, one hand already sliding down for his dick.

Ashley was comfortable in Joey’s house. It was a great place, clearly owned by someone with a lot of extra money, but it also had Joey’s warmth. It wasn’t a showcase, it was a home.

After breakfast, he hung out in the den while Joey made some calls in another room. He went through the channels, and decided that Joey subscribed to every porn channel available in the U.S. He’d never seen this much pussy in his life. He paused, backing up a few channels to find yeah, right there. Now that guy had a nice dick. He watched the technique of the woman giving head, concentrating, mentally taking notes. He had to learn how to do that.

Except Joey liked the way he gave head. Nick was the one who wanted to teach him things, and he wasn’t going to have sex with Nick again. Never. He was finished with that.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop having traitorous thoughts. This morning he and Joey had been making love, and Joey had jacked him off, and he’d remembered Nick giving him head. Joey never gave him head, hadn’t even attempted it once. Maybe Joey didn’t give head? Or maybe Joey just didn’t give him head. Joey probably did it for Nick all of the time. Why wasn’t he good enough?

When would he ever be good enough?

What the hell did Joey want, anyway?

He changed the channel quickly, frustrated.

Listening to his messages, Joey heard that Justin was back in town. He called, and left a brief message with Justin’s voice mail. After checking in with a few other people, he dialed AJ’s number.

No answer.

“Hey, this is Joey. Just wanted to say hi.” He’d never sounded more stupid. “Call me if you get a chance. We’ll hang out.” He hung up before he could get any more inane. He could talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. But AJ intimidated him. He hated to admit it, but at some point between collecting the remains of his shattered CD collection and watching his Porsche being dragged out of the ocean, he’d realized that AJ had a hold over him no one else did.

The phone in his hand rang, startling him. Pushing the button, he brought the phone to his ear. “You got Joey.”

“Hey, sweetness, it’s Nick. Your little friend still there?”

“Yeah, he’s still here.” Nick calling him that was irritating as hell, but he knew that was why Nick was doing it, so he ignored it.

“Let’s go out tonight, you and me. Leave the kid at home.”

“You and me?” Joey repeated.

“Yeah. There’s a new joint opening up on the boulevard. We should try it out.”

Joey frowned, because it was a great suggestion, and he was tempted to do it. He didn’t want to go with Nick, but they were supposed to be a couple, so they’d probably better spend some time together. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Great,” Nick said. “I’ll come over later. Give the kid a kiss for me. Love you.” Nick hung up.

Joey prided himself on being able to handle anything. He didn’t get flustered or ruffled easily, if at all. It came in handy, because his life wasn’t exactly stress-free. But damn, Nick got under his skin. He always left their conversations feeling unsettled, like he didn’t know whether to curse or laugh, whether to be pissed off or insulted or amused. He hated that. He hated Nick. He missed AJ, damn it.

Erik was starting to feel one-upped. Yesterday, the boxes from his shopping spree had arrived. This morning, there were more boxes filling the foyer, and they weren’t his. According to the shipping labels, they were from stores in New York, and that meant they were Dan’s. Dan had gone shopping with Justin. Even Erik knew that Justin knew how to shop.

But Justin hadn’t gotten Dan a fifty-inch plasma TV. Justin hadn’t made out with Dan afterward. Justin didn’t invite Dan into three-ways with insanely sexy JC Chasez.

God, JC was hot. Howie was hot. Howie was smokin’, JC was sizzlin’, their bed was on fire - - sexy times sexy was sexy squared, and he was right in the middle of it.

He wanted to see what was in the boxes. It wouldn’t hurt if he peeked. He didn’t even know when Dan would be home to open this stuff. Ashley wasn’t home, either, and Trevor had Chris up there, so that left Jacob.

Jacob threw a pillow at him and rolled over, groaning, going back to sleep.

The guy came over to set up the TV, though, and he learned what a stud finder actually was. Then he sat down to watch his new TV.

It was kind of lonely, watching it by himself. He’d wanted to share it with the other guys. Usually there wasn’t enough room on the sofa, with Trevor taking up too much space and Ashley stealing his food and Dan’s long legs everywhere and Jacob complaining about whatever they decided to watch. Now he had the sofa all to himself and the remote all to himself and no one knocking over his drink, but he kind of missed everybody.

Lance’s voice was low and rough. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Brian. Did I wake you up?” He trailed his fingers across the tabletop.

“It’s okay.”

“I just wanted to check in. What’s going on?”

Lance cleared his throat. “Jacob came over yesterday. He wanted to talk about you.”

His love moved fast. Jacob hadn’t wasted any time. Brian liked that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. He wanted to know what our relationship was about. He was as insulting as possible, but I didn’t let him get to me, and that just made him madder. He asked me if I’d suck his dick, and I did.”

A slow, evil smile spread across Brian’s face. “Did you?” he asked, his voice low and concerned and quietly horrified, in direct contrast to the smug joy of his expression.

“I pretended it was anyone except him,” Lance said.

Brian liked to play pretend. “What’s it like?” he asked, still sounding faintly disgusted. “It’s not deformed or anything, is it?”

“No, it’s okay,” Lance said reluctantly. “It’s not that bad.”

There was a slight waver to Lance’s voice, a hint of hesitation. Lance liked Jacob’s dick. Brian wanted to laugh. “My head’s starting to itch already. Let’s talk about something else besides Jacob. How’re you doing?”

Chris had snuck to the bathroom halfway through the night, calling Brian’s voice mail just to listen to the sound of Brian’s voice. He had enough experience with calling Brian to know that Brian had been on the other line at the time. Talking to whom? Talking to Jacob? Brian was calling Jacob. Jacob was talking to Brian. He’d been so upset he’d crept the whole way downstairs and to the guest house to listen at Jacob’s door. He’d heard Jacob talking - - no distinct words, just the sound of Jacob’s voice, punctuated by laughter and brief periods of silence as Brian replied.

He’d sat outside Jacob’s door until the sun rose and Jacob fell silent. Then he’d dragged himself back up the stairs and crawled back into bed with Trevor.

He hadn’t slept well after that. Now he was awake again, watching Trevor sleep. He wanted to be with Brian. He wanted to be at Brian’s house. Brian was out of town, so maybe he could break in. Brian wouldn’t be home to call the cops this time. Of course the cops would come, because Brian had alarm systems and he didn’t know any of the codes. But even if he didn’t break in, at least he could loiter. He could crawl up onto the roof and climb down the chimney. He wondered if he’d fit…

Justin had spent yesterday in a daze of memory. There had been a lot of bad times with Kevin, but a lot of good times, too. Moments where it had really seemed like Kevin…liked him? Held affection for him. Almost enjoyed his company.

Kevin didn’t enjoy his company. Kevin enjoyed kicking him around, and even that Kevin acted like was an inconvenience.

AJ was a bastard.

Even his friends were out for themselves first. They knew the way things had been before, and they knew at least some of what Kevin had done to him, but they’d still dragged him into this situation, pushed him right back into Kevin’s line of fire. They were his friends; he’d trusted them. But they were willing to sacrifice him for their own gain.

Kevin was fucking Chris.

There was one person in Justin’s life who was always there for him. Supportive, giving, looking out for him. Asking for nothing in return. And that person was in Justin’s shower, singing Missy Elliot’s “Work It” with a lot of energy for a white boy from Ohio.

“Ain't no shame, ladies do your thang, just make sure you ahead of the game…”

Justin grinned as the water turned off in the bathroom. He went to the kitchen, wondering what he wanted for breakfast. What Dan wanted for breakfast. Kevin had made him breakfast, before. Served it to him in bed. Eaten right off of his naked body. Licked blueberry syrup from his-

Yeah, and then Kevin had chained him to the foot of the bed and-

Justin yanked open the refrigerator, forcing himself to read labels until his brain refocused itself. He couldn’t spend all of his time thinking about Kevin. It wasn’t going to bring Kevin back. Nothing would bring Kevin back. He didn’t deserve to have Kevin back.

No one did. No one ever really had Kevin, anyway. Not for good, not forever. Kevin would destroy Chris, too, and Trevor. They wouldn’t get to keep him any more than Justin had.

Maybe no one ever got to keep anyone. Maybe no one ever stayed. But that was okay, because if people stayed, they’d only bring more pain. Relationships were a series of bites on the ass from a string of people. No one was good. No one stayed. Those lasting relationships between people who were good for each other were fiction, fantasy, only on TV. Nothing like that happened in real life. There was no one like that in real life. No one ever got to have something like that. No one ever got to keep it.

“Hey.” Dan walked into the kitchen, barefoot, hair damp, skin flushed, pulling his shirt down over his flat stomach. “I love your shower. The water pressure’s great. Your bed’s great, too. You got some good food in here, I might just have to move in.”

Despite himself, Justin had managed to have a good time with Dan these past few days. But it wasn’t like that meant anything. None of it mattered. It was all part of a game, a charade, and now that they were back home, it was time to get dirty. He was going to destroy Dan. He wanted to destroy Dan. He hated Dan.

But it was getting harder and harder to dredge up that hatred on a consistent basis. Today, it just made him feel tired. Justin sighed, taking a seat at the table, looking at Dan.

Dan leaned forward, resting his arms on the tabletop, looking back at Justin. “What’s on your mind?”

Justin shook his head. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“Well, let me tell you, you look hungry, and I can make a great bowl of Cheerios,” Dan said. “You want me to hook you up?”

That smile was infectious. “I can get my own cereal,” Justin said.

“Hey, you took me on a great trip, the least I can do is pour you a bowl,” Dan said, and went to the refrigerator.

Justin watched Dan move around his kitchen. “Do you believe that anything lasts forever?”

“That depends on your definition of forever,” Dan said. “Even Everest is going to erode to nothing someday. But some things are forever.”

“What about love?” Justin asked.

“Yeah, I’d say love between two people can last forever,” Dan said, taking spoons from the drawer. “Romantic love, family love, friendship love.”

Justin would love Kevin forever, but that didn’t mean that Kevin would ever speak to him again. “What about relationships?”

“Your mother’s your mother forever,” Dan said. “Some friendships last an entire lifetime. Some married couples are married and in love from twenty to ninety. You just have to find the right relationship with the right person. Anyone can do it.”

“Anyone?” Justin asked.

“Take your friends,” Dan said. “JC loves you, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Justin said.

“You think when you’re eighty, and you go visit JC at the nursing home, he won’t be just as happy to see you?”

Justin grinned. “Yeah, he would.” JC was like that, though. “What about romantic love? You think anyone can make that last?”

“Everyone deserves it,” Dan said. “Maybe not everyone’s capable of it at any given moment. You’re capable of it, but you keep picking the wrong people at the wrong times. But how many times do I have to tell you that you can do it, you can make it work, you just have to find the right person.”

“It’s not that easy,” Justin said. It irritated him that Dan always made everything sound simple and obvious. Dan had no idea what real life, Justin’s life, was like.

“It may not be easy,” Dan said. “It might be hard as hell. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible. That just means that you’ll have to let go of the idea of instant gratification.”

Justin looked at him. “Are you lecturing me?”

Dan grinned, handing him a bowl of cereal. “You asked.” Dan turned to put away the milk. “You’re going to find someone,” he said, closing the refrigerator door. “It may take longer than you want it to take, but you aren’t the giving up type. And, in the meantime…” He flashed Justin a smile, taking a seat. “What are you thinking about doing today?”

Chris needed a fix. Thoughts of Brian, need and pain, were storming his brain in a frenzied rush. He couldn’t take it, he wanted Kevin, he wanted Kevin to fuck him and make it stop, just for a minute. He needed that distraction, that release. If he couldn’t have Brian, and he could never have Brian, then he wanted at least to have Kevin, to take a break from the torture of it. But he couldn’t have Kevin, either.

Trevor was here. Right here and nothing like Brian, nothing like Kevin. But maybe if he pretended, if he tried, if he got into it, maybe it could do the same thing for him that being with Kevin did.

Trevor was still asleep, but Chris kissed him anyway. Kissed him until he started kissing back, got on top of him and felt him up, tried to make it work, tried to feel something, tried to lose himself.

It wasn’t working. Most of the time he enjoyed getting physical with Trevor, because it gave him hope that he could feel something again. But this morning, his body wasn’t remotely interested. Trevor was doing all of the right things, making horny sounds and kissing him kind of fast and rubbing him down, but his body was halfway bored and halfway turned off. His body knew this wasn’t Brian, knew this wasn’t even Kevin.

Maybe he was overthinking this. Chris rolled over, bringing Trevor on top of himself, closing off his mind and just feeling. The soft warmth of Trevor’s skin, the fullness of Trevor’s lips, the stroke and slide of Trevor’s hands, the-

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this, he didn’t want this, that wasn’t right. This body was all wrong, this wasn’t Brian, this wasn’t close to Brian, Brian didn’t feel like this or touch like this or kiss like this or sound like this. It wasn’t Brian, wasn’t remotely Brian, was light years away from Brian. It wasn’t even Kevin. Kevin was broader, and more muscular, and the hands were all wrong, and the hair was all wrong, and the kiss was all wrong, and Chris didn’t want this anymore.

But he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t even get away and go, because Kevin wanted him to stay, Kevin had told him to stay. If he left, Kevin would be mad, and then Kevin wouldn’t be his link to Brian, and he needed Brian. God, he needed Brian so much it hurt. Kevin was the only connection to Brian that he had. If he lost Kevin, he’d lose Brian, and he spent every second of his life searching for Brian, seeking, needing, desperate, wanting.

Justin had said that he couldn’t get away from Kevin if he tried, that Kevin was a presence looming over his every thought, talking inside his mind, impossible to escape. Chris would give anything to have Brian with him, even in that way. He couldn’t find his way to Brian with a map and a flashlight. He couldn’t find his way to Brian with a fucking search party.

Chris realized that Trevor had stopped kissing him, and opened his eyes. Trevor was looking at him, concerned around the eyes. A little worried, a little irritated, a little confused. Trevor’s eyes were all wrong. Brown, what was brown, if Chris wanted brown he could look in a mirror. Blue, blue was perfect, blue like a clear, clear sky on a cool morning in early spring. Blue like the water in a still pond. Darker sometimes, sharper sometimes, because the color of Brian’s eyes was tinted slightly different depending on what he wore, or how the light struck his beautiful, beautiful face.

Chris had to go. He couldn’t stay here another minute longer. If he couldn’t be with Brian, then he wanted to be alone with his memories. He didn’t want to be here, with not-Brian, doing not-Brian things, when he could be at home with his memories, with his memorabilia, or driving to Brian’s house and throwing himself down on the driveway and waiting for Brian to come home and hell, run over him, because maybe then Brian would pay some attention to him. Some real attention.

What was real, where Brian was concerned?

Trevor was getting off of him. Chris felt numbness returning, seeping back into his bones. He was making Trevor feel bad, but he felt bad, too, so at least they were even. Trevor probably felt rejected. Trevor didn’t know what real rejection was.

“I don’t know what you want,” Trevor said, pulling on his underwear and getting out of bed. “No, fuck that, you want Kevin and we both know it.”

He wanted Brian. Kevin was just a drug to help him make it through the day.

“Why don’t you just go to him?” Trevor asked. “Go back to him. Hell, I don’t know, he might take you back.”

Chris knew that he was supposed to have a reply for that, but he knew he wouldn’t begin to sound convincing. He sat up, straightening the sheets. Trevor smelled wrong, too. That was probably a good thing, because the scent of vanilla could be crippling to Chris if it wafted past at the wrong moment.

“Great,” Trevor said, as though Chris had said something he hadn’t wanted to hear. Or maybe he was just pissed off at Chris’s silence. That was reasonable. Chris didn’t want Trevor to be mad at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to fix it. “Maybe you should just go.”

He wanted to, but he couldn’t. “I’m not leaving.” That, he was sure of.

“Why not?” Trevor demanded. “You don’t want to be here.”

Trevor left the room.

Chris missed Brian.

The locksmith came and went. Justin was glad to have that taken care of, because he wasn’t about to let AJ walk right back into his house at will. Once that was done, he found himself slouched on the sofa with Dan, talking about nothing.

When the phone rang, he reached for it lazily, casting a vague glance at the caller ID. It was AJ. Not reacting, Justin pushed the button and said, “Hey, Charlie.”

“We have to talk,” AJ said.

“Not much going on here,” Justin said. “Nobody hanging around I can’t get rid of,” he added, grinning at Dan. Dan gave him a fake-offended look.

“I’m coming over,” AJ said. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Asshole, asshole, asshole. “Okay,” Justin said. “I’ll be here.” He hung up, setting aside the phone and turning to Dan. “Charlie’s coming over. He’ll be here for a while, and that’s going to be a lot of business bullshit. I should probably track down some of the guys, too.”

“The thing you say here is, ‘Dan, I enjoy your company, but get out,’” Dan said.

Justin grinned. “Dan, I enjoy your company, but get out.”

“Okay,” Dan said. “I’ll see you later?” he asked, getting up.

“Yeah,” Justin said, standing. “Thanks for…a lot of things.”

“No problem,” Dan said. “It’s all part of the Dan Miller Exclusive Premium Deluxe Friendship Package.”

Justin grinned. “I got upgraded to the deluxe version?”

“I like your shower,” Dan said with a smile. Justin walked him to the door. “Call me if you want some company.”

“I will,” Justin said.

“Take care of yourself,” Dan said, and squeezed his hand twice. Justin squeezed back, twice, and Dan left.

Justin closed the door. AJ was coming over. Maybe AJ knew when Kevin was coming home.

Chris went to the bathroom, and brushed his teeth, and splashed around. Then he went back to Trevor’s room. The orange platypus they’d picked up at the fair was sitting on a chair. Chris sat on the bed with it, ruffling its orange fur. Trevor had given it to him, but they’d decided that Trevor would take better care of it, so they were sharing custody.

He’d given Brian a stuffed animal, once. A little brown bear with soft-soft fur. It had been one of his February tenth gifts. He’d given Brian two presents every day in February, because he couldn’t fit everything he felt for Brian into the twenty-four hours of Valentine’s Day. Plus, Brian’s birthday was on the twentieth, which was another reason to celebrate all month long.

He’d sent Brian gifts this year, too, for his birthday and for Valentine’s Day. Brian hadn’t replied, but he’d been assured that Brian had received them. He’d hassled the delivery people about it, making them check and double-check, because he’d had to be sure, he’d had to know, he couldn’t let Brian think he’d ignored the day of Brian’s birth, of all things. They’d told him that yes, everything had been delivered.

Maybe he could ask Kevin. Kevin might know.

Trevor came into the room and sat beside him on the bed.

“I love you,” Chris said. He did, he recognized that. As much as he was capable of loving anyone with this crippled heart, he loved Trevor. It was nothing but a numbed, deformed hint of a pale shadow of the love he had for Brian, weak and mutilated, but it was love. Or, he thought that’s what normal people might call it. He wasn’t sure anymore. He didn’t really recognize his own emotions, these days.

“You like me,” Trevor said. “You’re still in love with Kevin.”

Oh. Chris ruffled the platypus’s fur. “You’re in love with me,” he said.

There was a minute of silence. Then Trevor said, “You didn’t have to call me on it.”

Chris snickered. That was kind of funny. “Sorry.”

“I don’t want you to go back to him,” Trevor said. “I want to have you all to myself. But I’m never really going to get that.”

“I could try harder,” Chris said. “Kevin’s not really that great.” Kevin was a terrific evil overlord, but he was nothing compared to Brian. Brian was…

Trevor took the stuffed animal from his hands.

Brian was…

Trevor was crouching down in front of him.

Brian…

Trevor kissed him.

Chris kissed back, closing his eyes. Brian…

Justin opened the door. “When’s Kevin coming home?”

“I’d like to get inside the house,” AJ said.

Justin let him in, closing the door. “When’s Kevin coming home?”

“I don’t know,” AJ said. “He doesn’t clear his schedule with me.” He took a seat on the sofa, crossing his ankles and stretching his arms. “How was New York?”

Justin shook his head, dismissing the question. “Fine, it was, it was fine.” He sat beside AJ. “Is he really in Kentucky?”

“Timberlake. Let me clear something up for you,” AJ said. “You don’t know what’s going on with Kevin because he doesn’t want you to know. If he wanted you to know, he’d tell you.”

“Did you send the flowers?” Justin asked. “You knew about the zoo, you knew what to say. Did you send the flowers?”

“No,” AJ said. “Kevin did that. He told me he was doing it, so I’d know you were coming home.”

“Why?” Justin demanded, putting his hand on AJ’s thigh to keep AJ’s attention. “Why did he want me here?”

“The flowers mean, what, come to me?” AJ asked. Justin nodded. “He summons you, he’s gone, that sounds to me like he’s saying all of your little traditions and signals don’t mean shit anymore. But that’s just my interpretation.”

But they did mean something. They meant everything. The flowers meant come to me, and Justin had come. He’d always come running, whenever Kevin called for him. Wherever Kevin wanted him, that’s where he’d be.

“What happened in New York?” AJ asked.

“Nothing,” Justin said. He didn’t care about that.

“How’s the sex?”

Justin shrugged. He didn’t want to admit the truth to AJ, but he wasn’t going to lie. “We’re not having sex. I didn’t want to. I didn’t try.”

“You didn’t even fucking try?” AJ demanded. “You didn’t want to, you think that makes a difference? Nobody said you had to want him. I don’t want him, either, but you think that’s going to slow me down?”

“I’ll get to it!” Justin said. “Excuse me if I’m a little fucked up right now!”

AJ surprised him by laughing. “Okay, I’ll give you a break for being fucked up. Listen, just work with me on this. Do you want to seduce him?”

It was getting harder and harder to hate Dan. Once they started having sex… Justin couldn’t afford to get any more attached than he already was. “No.”

“Then I’ll seduce him,” AJ said.

“He hates you,” Justin said.

“You think I can’t work around that?” AJ asked. “I’ll take care of it.”

Arrogant jackass. “Are you gay?”

“Does it matter?” AJ asked, taking off his shoes.

“Not really,” Justin said. “Are you?”

“I fuck Joey, I fuck you, I’m going to fuck Dan,” AJ said. “What does that tell you?”

“You don’t want me or Dan,” Justin said.

“You haven’t given me a reason to want you,” AJ said. “Joey wants me so much, I respond to that. You’re boring in bed and bitchy out of it.”

“I might be more interesting if you did more than climb on top of me and rut like a damned animal!” Justin said. Boring in bed and bitchy - - “You’re so fucking full of yourself!”

“I love the way you move out of bed,” AJ said. “If you did some of that, I might do more, too.”

“Yeah, maybe we should just fuck on the dance floor,” Justin muttered.

AJ grinned. “Yeah. Maybe we should.”

That had…been the…best sex…ever. Trevor couldn’t even breathe after that. He couldn’t feel anything from the neck down, but he thought that his skin might be on fire. That had been fucking incredible. Chris had morphed into some kind of sex angel demon or something.

So much for not being able to get it up.

He’d been so into it, and so in shock over having just fucked Chris so thoroughly he’d accidentally lobotomized himself, that when Chris’s fingers had started pushing into him, he’d just moaned and accepted that yes, even the best sex of his life could get better. When Chris had started fucking him, god, he’d ended up coming so hard his internal organs had fused.

The way Chris had kissed him. The way Chris had touched him. Like, god, like… Like he was the one thing, the only thing, Chris couldn’t possibly live without. Couldn’t breathe without. Couldn’t exist without. He’d felt wanted before, but he’d never felt needed, not like that, not like he was the vital string holding together someone else’s world.

Trevor mustered up the energy to roll onto his side, spooning up behind Chris’s back. “You’re shivering,” he said, rubbing his palm over Chris’s hip.

“Sorry if I, um, rushed into things,” Chris said.

“No, no,” Trevor said. “Damn, are you kidding? That was great. We have to do it again.” Chris was still shivering; Trevor pulled up the covers.

Chris fidgeted with the edge of the blanket.

“You okay?” Trevor asked. Chris had been convinced he couldn’t get into sex with people who weren’t Kevin, but obviously, he could. Trevor thought that that was cause for celebration, but maybe Chris was confused by it.

“Was I good?” Chris asked.

“You were fucking fantastic,” Trevor said. He couldn’t believe Chris even had to ask. “I’ve never been through anything like that.”

Chris laughed, picking at a thread. “You feed houseguests?”

“Absolutely,” Trevor said. “After that, I’ll give you anything you want.”

Chris laughed again. “Breakfast will suffice.”

Justin wondered if he could get AJ to answer direct questions. “Do you like Joey?”

“Sure, I like Joey,” AJ said. “He fucks like-”

Justin cut AJ off; he didn’t want to hear what AJ thought of Joey’s sexual techniques. “I mean, do you like him? As a person? You do realize he’s a person.”

AJ’s gaze narrowed. “He was one of my best friends. We were lovers. I showed Joey sides of myself I don’t let anyone see, and I know there are parts of Joey that only I’ve gotten to know. I can go to Joey and be myself and not have to worry about anyone or anything else. I can’t say that about very many people in my life.”

Justin couldn’t even try to buy that bullshit. “You’re trying to tell me that you care about Joey? I know what you did to him, I saw his house, I-”

“What happened between us is none of your fucking business,” AJ snapped.

“What happened between me and Kevin is none of your fucking business, either,” Justin shot back. “So how the hell did you know about the zoo? How the hell did you know what to say to me? You had that moment in my life line for line, you fucking asshole! I know you weren’t under the bed with a fucking tape recorder, so how did you know what to say to me?!”

“You really believe that everything that went down between you and Kevin is fucking sacred,” AJ said. “None of it meant shit to him. None of it! Your precious moments are fucking meaningless, they’re a fucking joke, they’re fucking comedy.”

“How did you know?!” Justin demanded, rising up from the couch, unable to stay down any longer. “That was my life, my moment, mine and Kevin’s. It wasn’t for you to use, it wasn’t for you to know! It was private, it was important, it was ours!”

“Ours!” AJ repeated, also rising, scornful and disgusted. “There is no you and Kevin. There’s you, and there’s Kevin, but do you really think he’d let anyone put the two of you together, as equals?”

“Kevin claimed me for himself!” Justin shouted into AJ’s face. “I belong to him! I’m not your fucking group property!”

“You’re whatever Kevin wants you to be,” AJ said, looking like he wanted to grab Justin but not doing it. “I couldn’t know anything unless Kevin told me. Do you really want to know anything more than that?”

Justin stared into AJ’s eyes. No. He didn’t really want to know anything more than that. He didn’t want to know how much AJ knew, how much the rest of them knew, or how Kevin had chosen to share that information.

“I know what I need to know,” AJ said. “I used what I had to use to get the right reaction from you.”

He understood that. He just… It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. “I hate you,” he said, and he meant it.

AJ shrugged, but his smile was understanding. “Works for me.” He waited until Justin met his eyes. “Want to dance?”

When Dan came into the house, he smelled breakfast. Warm cooking smells, scents of biscuits and bacon. He walked towards the kitchen, hearing voices.

“Get out, get off, hey!” Trevor protested.

“One piece, come on,” Erik said.

“Learn to share,” Chris said.

“He already had four!” Trevor said.

“Did you save any for me?” Dan asked, entering the room.

“Hey,” Erik said.

“Hey!” Trevor said, turning away from the stove to hug him. “How are you doing? How’s New York?”

“It was great,” Dan said. “You look good. Hey, Chris.”

“Hey,” Chris said. “Pancake?”

“No, thanks, I already ate. What’s with the boxes by the front door?”

“They’re yours,” Erik said.

“Oh. Oh, yeah,” Dan said. “They’re probably the clothes. Justin and I went shopping. What’ve you guys been up to?”

“Did you see the plasma TV?” Trevor asked.

“No, where?” Dan asked.

“In the living room,” Erik said.

“We have a plasma TV?” Dan asked, disbelieving. “Where’d it come from?”

“Erik’s sugar daddy,” Trevor said.

“Shut up,” Erik said.

“JC?” Dan asked.

“Howie,” Trevor said.

“Shut up,” Erik said.

“Howie bought you a plasma TV?” Dan asked.

“It’s enormous,” Trevor said. “I don’t know how you missed it.”

“I’ve seen bigger,” Chris said. Trevor laughed.

“It’s just a present,” Erik said. “He’s a generous guy, he likes to give gifts, we’re friends. It’s no big deal.”

“Yeah, it’s good to have friends,” Chris said.

Erik gave Chris a look, like he wasn’t appreciating Chris’s help.

“Is everybody else home?” Dan asked. “Jacob said something about a group meeting.”

“Yeah, he wants to talk,” Erik said. “Ashley’s out, though.”

“Can we see what you got?” Trevor asked. “The clothes?”

“Sure,” Dan said. “You have to help me get it upstairs first.”

Trevor groaned. Erik groaned.

“Yeah, so, I’m going to go see how Jacob’s doing,” Chris said, getting up from the table. “Let me know when the manual labor’s over.”

When JC got home from Howie’s, he took a shower, changed clothes, and checked his messages. There was a message from Chris, telling him that Justin was home.

He wanted to call Justin, but there was something he had to discuss with the other guys first. He called Joey.

“You got Joey.”

“Hey, it’s JC.” JC opened the refrigerator.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Joey asked.

“Can you talk?”

“Yeah, give me a minute.”

JC decided he wasn’t hungry after all, and closed the fridge, sitting at the table.

“What’s going on?” Joey asked, coming back on the line.

“Justin’s back. Have you seen him?”

“I called, but he didn’t answer,” Joey said.

That wasn’t good. “Did you ever tell him or Chris that the guys tell each other everything about us?”

“No,” Joey said. “Let me guess, you want to.”

“I won’t, unless you and Lance agree we should.”

“I know Lance would want to,” Joey said.

JC knew that Lance would want to, too. That was why he was talking to Joey, because he wasn’t sure, and he wanted to talk it out with someone who might be more objective. “I don’t like knowing something that Chris and Justin don’t know.”

“Is it really something they need to know?” Joey asked.

“They should know that everything that happens between them and Kevin or AJ or Brian could become public knowledge,” JC said.

“But that’s going to happen whether they know about it or not,” Joey said. “If they can’t stop it from happening, what’s the point of knowing about it when they can’t do anything about it?”

“They need to know what they’re dealing with,” JC argued.

“You think they don’t already know?” Joey asked. “We’re talking about Chris and Justin. You think Justin doesn’t already know what Kevin’s capable of?”

“I don’t want to keep anything from them,” JC said.

“I know, but…” Joey sighed. “I didn’t do anything to help anybody before. I just want to protect someone from something this time.”

JC knew what he meant. “I don’t think that this is the time for us to start keeping things from each other. I don’t know if we can protect each other from everything, but if we stick together we can help each other.”

“Yeah,” Joey admitted. “Okay. Group meeting?”

JC had things he wanted to take care of that afternoon, and he was meeting with Howie later, and then they had to be with Erik. “Tomorrow, my house?”

“I’ll call the other guys,” Joey said.

“Okay,” JC said. “How’s Ashley?”

Joey snorted. “Calling him a whore would be putting it politely.”

Whoa. “What’s going on?”

“He’ll do anything, with anybody, and beg for it like a dog,” Joey said. “He’ll let me do anything I want. And he jumps on Nick like-” Joey cut himself off.

JC hadn’t been prepared for that, and the hot stab of jealous fury took his breath away.

“Shit, JC.” Joey sounded startled, and regretful. “I didn’t mean to say that. Ashley’s a whore, he…”

JC closed his eyes, speaking around the tight ball of pain in his chest. “It’s okay, Joey.”

“I’ll call the other guys about tomorrow,” Joey said.

“Okay,” JC said quietly. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

JC put down the phone and opened his eyes, working to contain his jealousy, his pain. He knew that Nick was with other people, dated other people, had sex with other people. But that wasn’t in his face, that was something he could avoid being aware of for the most part. This was too close in his life. And this was Ashley. That unworthy immature slut of a brat.

JC dialed Nick’s number.

There was no answer.

It had worked. Chris couldn’t believe it had worked, but it had. Trevor had disappeared, ceased to exist, and he’d been in a dream, making love to Brian again, caressing Brian’s perfect body, kissing Brian’s perfect mouth.

He’d done it. He’d really and truly done it. He’d had Brian back again, at least for a moment.

But it had all been a fantasy. When he’d recovered his breath and opened his eyes, he’d been in Trevor’s room, in Trevor’s bed, on top of Trevor’s body.

It had hurt so much, he hadn’t even been able to react.

Now, with one more piece of himself missing, with one more crack in his already broken spirit, he went to Jacob. Brian was gone from him, and Kevin was unavailable, and it was proof of the misery of his life that he was going to Brian’s current victim for solace.

It wasn’t hard to get Jacob to talk about Brian. Once he got started, he kept rolling. Clearly, it was one of his favorite subjects. He grew more animated, smiled more, touched his hair.

Chris hated Jacob, wanted to make him die, wanted to remove him from existence. But he knew that by the end of this, Jacob would be the only other person he knew who was as caught up in Brian as he was. It might be nice to have someone he could talk to about the way Brian tied his shoes.

The music was powerful, sweeping Justin into its beat, vibrating down through his bones. He gyrated against AJ, sweating and thrusting and undulating and twisting and rock-hard and loving it. He was free when he danced, free from stress and worry and pain, free from other people’s demands, free from Dan and schemes and plots, as free from Kevin as he could get.

AJ was not only keeping up with him, AJ was challenging him, pushing his limits, and he reveled in it, testing himself, pushing back, dancing harder, faster, dirtier. His mind was free, his heart was light, and his body was a part of the music, a slave to the beat.

The music was so loud, the floor was vibrating. When the guitar ripped in, Justin felt it in his blood.

Dancing with AJ was powerful. Justin felt like they were creating something together, something wild and forceful, something that only existed between the two of them. There was passion in AJ, sex and power in AJ’s gaze, and Justin hated everything AJ said, but he loved every move of AJ’s body.

Justin didn’t know when dancing became sex. It was a gradual slide that began in the first beat of the first song. There was no real moment that changed, no obvious boundary that they crossed. He couldn’t even be sure that AJ was responsible for it. He only knew that the dance became hotter, hotter, hotter, and their bodies couldn’t be separated, and their hands were everywhere, and he was grinding against AJ’s body and shuddering against the beat and coming, coming, coming.

AJ kissed him, and Justin kissed back, trying to recreate the dance of their bodies with AJ’s tongue. AJ was pushing him back into his speakers, and he was jerking down AJ’s zipper, and AJ’s dick was hard and AJ’s spit-slick fingers were rough in his body and AJ’s dick satisfied an ache he hadn’t even recognized. AJ fucked him against the speakers, and he gripped AJ’s hips with his thighs, and the pounding of the bass in his ears had nothing on the pounding of the blood through his body.

When AJ was out and his feet were on the floor again, AJ reached over and turned off the music. The silence was deafening. Justin didn’t have time to speak before AJ was kissing him again.

Without the music, it was different. More real. More immediate.

Different, but not necessarily bad.

He was starting to get a much better idea of what Joey found so damned attractive about AJ.

Kevin didn’t want him. If he could get AJ to want him, AJ might tell Kevin how good he was. Maybe Kevin would give him another chance.

“We could do this in a bed,” he suggested.

AJ pressed closer, kissing him aggressively. “When’s Dan coming back?”

“Not until I call him.”

“He might show up.”

“He’ll call first.”

AJ growled, sounding frustrated. “I can’t leave marks.”

“Deal with it,” Justin said, and took him upstairs.

Today had been a great day. Joey had decided that they should do nothing, so they’d done nothing all day. They’d watched TV, they’d picked through the refrigerator, and they’d lounged around like slugs. It had been very comfortable, familiar, domestic. Ashley didn’t have to go out to have a good time; all he needed was Joey, in any setting.

He’d been wearing one of Joey’s T-shirts and a pair of Joey’s sweatpants. They were too big for him, and the waistband kept slipping. When he and Joey started making out on the sofa, it was too easy for Joey to pull his pants down. He laughed, protesting, and Joey groped him through his underwear, making him want, making him ache. He started asking for it, and Joey started giving it to him, and they made love there on the sofa.

Used, spent, Ashley dozed on Joey’s chest. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep when the phone rang.

Joey shifted under him, then relaxed. “You got Joey.”

Eyes closed, Ashley smiled, trailing his fingertips over a nipple.

“Hey.” Joey’s voice was fond, affectionate, and Ashley wondered who he was talking to. “Yeah, I’ve been looking forward to it. What time are you coming over? Okay, yeah. Great. Okay. Hanging out with Ashley.” Ashley’s eyes opened. “Yeah. What? Yeah, okay.” Joey handed the phone down to Ashley. “It’s for you.”

Ashley took the phone from him, wondering. “Hello?”

“Hey, Angel.”

Ashley froze. He hadn’t, he didn’t, how dare Nick interrupt his time with Joey? They’d been having a great day together, and Nick just happened to call now?

“Hope you’ve been having a good time,” Nick said. His voice was threat and invitation. “I’m taking him out tonight. I’ll be there in an hour.”

Ashley couldn’t curse Nick out in front of Joey. He gripped the phone tighter, wishing he weren’t this damned trapped.

“It’s too bad you can’t come, but they don’t let little boys in where we’re going.”

Little boys?!

“They don’t let little girls in, either.”

Little - - fucking-

“I have to go,” Nick said. “I’ll be there in an hour. Tell Joey I love him.”

Ashley hung up the phone, handing it back to Joey and stretching. Little girls? That was what Nick thought of him? He was no little girl. He could give Joey things that only a man could. Ashley kissed Joey, smiling, and whispered an invitation in Joey’s ear.

Trevor wondered how long Chris was going to talk to Jacob. It’d been hours. Not two hours, more like five. That was a little weird. He wanted them to get along, but he hadn’t expected them to become best friends.

He and Erik and Dan had brought Dan’s boxes upstairs, and unpacked them. Then they’d unpacked Erik’s new clothes, too. Trevor wasn’t sure which one of them had the better wardrobe, because, damn, that was some serious gear. Erik’s clothes looked more expensive, but Dan’s clothes looked more like something Dan would actually wear.

Dan didn’t seem as excited as Erik was about the TV and the bracelet; when he heard more details about Erik’s relationship with JC and Howie, he got even less enthusiastic. Erik started getting defensive, and somehow Ashley became a topic of conversation, and things deteriorated from there.

Now Dan wanted to have a group talk just as much as Jacob did. Erik didn’t seem to see what the big deal was, since Dan was getting clothes from Justin and they weren’t even lovers. Trevor figured he was safe, since he was only involved with one person, who hadn’t given him anything.

Nothing except a great friendship, phenomenal sex, a lot of warmth and laughter, and the feeling that Chris really wanted to love him and just didn’t know how. He’d never trade that, not even for a box of designer clothes.

They’d moved to the bed, to have more room this time, and they’d needed it. Joey had fucked him in a dizzying variety of positions. Towards the end, Ashley had been straining towards orgasm so hard, by the time Joey got a hand on his dick, he was coming on the first few strokes.

Finally sated, Ashley tucked himself against Joey comfortably, letting his eyes drift shut. He and Joey had spent all day together, they had great heat and chemistry; what could Nick possibly have that could compete with this?

“I hope you’re not falling asleep on me,” Joey said.

Maybe a little. “Why?” Ashley asked, eyes still closed, smiling. “Don’t tell me you’re ready for more.”

“You know I’m always ready for more,” Joey said. “But Nick’s on his way, and I have to get moving.”

Ashley’s eyes opened.

“What?” Joey asked. He frowned. “I told you we had plans for tonight.”

“No, you didn’t.” Technically, he hadn’t. “Where are you going?”

“We’re checking out a new club,” Joey said.

“I’ll come,” Ashley said. He knew that had come out sounding more desperate than he’d intended, but this wasn’t fair, this wasn’t right. He couldn’t just let Nick show up and take Joey away from him. They’d been having a great time!

“I’ve been spending all of my time with you,” Joey said, stroking his face. “I need to spend time with him.”

Or what, he’d feel neglected? Damn it. Ashley was good enough for Nick and Joey to fuck together, but not good enough for them to take out together? “Fine. Whatever,” Ashley said, pulling away and sitting up. “Can I use your shower?”

“Ashley,” Joey said, taking hold of his wrist and pulling him in again. “Come on, you know how this goes. You know I’m with Nick. That doesn’t mean you’re not my pretty girl. You know how much I want you.” He tugged Ashley closer, brushing his mouth over Ashley’s. “Come on, don’t be mad. We had a great day.”

“Yeah,” Ashley admitted, feeling himself weakening. “We did.”

Joey kissed him. “Pretty pretty.”

Ashley couldn’t stay mad. “Maybe you and I can go out sometime, too.”

“I’d like that,” Joey said. Another brief kiss. “You go ahead and jump in the shower.”

“Okay.” Ashley kissed Joey, stroking his fingers into Joey’s hair. He knew that he was defenseless against Joey, and he knew that it made him weak, but he couldn’t help it. He knew what the situation was, knew that Joey and Nick were boyfriends, and couldn’t start getting an attitude about it now, like he hadn’t been aware of the set-up. Nick was Joey’s boyfriend, and that meant that Nick had the superior claim. That was okay, that was fine. Someday soon he’d be the one with primary rights to Joey’s time and attention. He and Joey would be going on dates and making plans, and Nick? Nick would be shit out of luck.

Howie let JC into the house, greeting him with a kiss and taking him back to the bedroom. JC sat comfortably on the center of the bed, watching Howie dress. When things were good with Howie, things were really good. They got along well, they were very attracted to each other, and they had a lot in common. When things were bad between them, that was as much his fault as it was Howie’s. He’d been conflicted and resentful, and they’d both managed to piss each other off royally.

But now, things were settling into a more smooth plane. He and Howie were establishing a deeper rapport, and their natural sexual energy was sparking a steady flame. He could really see their partnership becoming very…profitable.

Time alone with Howie could be very enjoyable. Time with Erik was untenable. He couldn’t stand Erik, and he couldn’t stand the thought of having to touch Erik again. When Howie was with him, it was easier, because he knew Howie didn’t like it any more than he did. Still, the more time he spent with Erik, the harder it was to force himself to go back.

Dressed, jewelry on and hair immaculate, Howie crawled onto the bed, sitting beside him with a smile. “What’s going on here? I don’t see that happy smile.”

“It’d be great to go out with you tonight, but do we have to take Erik with us?” JC asked.

Howie laughed. “He’s not that bad.”

“I know you hate him as much as I do,” JC said. “How do you stand it? I hate him too much to touch him.”

Howie smiled. “Don’t touch him.” His hand settled on JC’s shoulder, sliding down to his elbow. “Touch me.”

JC inhaled, losing focus. “Touch you?” he asked, bringing himself back to the point.

“Pretend he’s me,” Howie said. “Oh, Erik-Michael,” he murmured, leaning in, one hand on JC’s thigh. “Mmm, Erik-Michael,” he moaned, and moved in, swinging one leg over, kneeling astride JC’s lap. He was already half-hard when their bodies came in contact, JC’s hands urging his hips closer. “Erik,” Howie whispered, “Michael,” and kissed JC, fingers tangling in JC’s hair.

Caught up, drawn in, JC kissed back, moaning at the constant rocking of Howie’s hips, seduced by the stroke of Howie’s tongue.

“Oh, Erik-Michael,” Howie whispered. “I want you, I want you so much, I want you to fuck me.”

JC knew it wasn’t true, but a part of him believed it. It sounded real, authentic, like something Howie had been holding back for years. He kissed Howie back eagerly, mesmerized, entranced, wondering how far into this reality they could slip.

Howie’s hands were cupping his face, in his hair, seducing JC with every caress. When Howie pushed JC back and down, JC went easily, moaning, cupping Howie’s ass with both hands, raising one knee to push a thigh between Howie’s legs. Howie groaned, “Yes, Erik-Michael, please, yes, now,” stripping JC out of his shirt with hot, greedy hands. JC rolled them over, getting on top, and Howie rolled them back, and when JC’s head hit the pillow, Howie’s hand was down the front of his pants, grasping his erection, making him moan, almost making him come.

Their kiss was broken, and JC opened his eyes. Howie was gorgeously flushed over him, hair in perfect disarray, one hand working gently over JC’s dick. JC moaned, wincing, trying not to come.

“I’m Erik,” Howie said. “Undress me and make me come.” His hand left JC hard and aching; he kissed JC without his usual finesse and said, “Come on, JC, I want you, let me fuck you.”

JC laughed. Okay, he could do this. If he pretended that Howie was Erik now, maybe he could pretend that Erik was Howie later. Howie made it seem effortless; he could learn. “Oh, Erik,” he said, and laughed at how bored he sounded.

“Erik-Michael,” Howie reminded him, stroking his ribcage.

JC tried again. “Oh, Erik-Michael.” He’d pretended to be more into it than he really was, before, with Erik. This was just like that, only his distaste for Erik was growing with every day, and he had more to overcome, more to fake. He thought about how hard he was, and how good it would feel to come, and moaned, “Oh, Erik-Michael.”

“Oh, JC,” Howie murmured in eager Erik-fashion, and kissed him.

“Oh, yes, Erik-Michael, baby,” JC groaned, quickly unbuttoning Howie’s shirt. Howie began to kiss his neck. “Oh, yeah, Erik-Michael, yes, just like that, oh, it’s so good…”

“You’re overdoing it,” Howie whispered.

JC reined it in, stripping Howie with a blend of efficiency and slow caresses. “Mmm, baby, yeah…” He opened Howie’s pants, stroking the hard length of Howie’s erection through underwear. He groaned with authentic desire, his own dick throbbing. “Mmm, Erik-Michael, honey, you’re so hard…”

“That’s good, now wait,” Howie whispered.

JC moaned, caressing it, wanting it inside of him.

“Now tell him how much you want it,” Howie whispered, licking his ear.

“Oh, baby, I want it so badly, please, Erik-Michael, fuck me,” JC groaned, feeling that needful ache in his thighs.

“He can’t fuck you yet. What are you going to give him?” Howie asked.

JC panted, wanting it, tempted to risk it. But Howie was right, he couldn’t, not yet. He brought Howie in for a passionate kiss, his other hand freeing Howie’s erection, moaning hotly at the feel of it naked in his hand. “Let me suck it, baby, please.” It wouldn’t be as good for him, but it was the best he could do.

“I want to fuck you, JC, come on,” Howie insisted.

“Oh, honey, I wish you could,” JC said, tortured by the thought of it. “Erik-Michael, please,” he said, jacking it a little more seriously to provide more of a temptation.

“Oh, yeah,” Howie moaned, “I want to fuck your mouth.” They rolled over, and JC slid down Howie’s gorgeous body to take Howie’s thick, hard erection into his mouth. Howie groaned, and JC swallowed it, humming, sliding on and off, listening to Howie’s passionate moans, his own dick throbbing desperately. He worked one hand beneath himself, fisting his erection in time with the push of Howie’s dick into his mouth, the need of his own body mounting in rhythm with the volume of Howie’s aching moans. Howie came, finally, and the splash of Howie’s jism triggered the spurt of JC’s own cum. He moaned, licking the inside of his own mouth, milking himself dry.

“Mmm.” Howie stretched comfortably. “Think you can do that with Erik?”

Trying anything with Erik tonight would remind him of this, and that would get him through even the worst of Erik’s fumbling kisses. JC crawled up to relax beside Howie, the two of them turning into a warm embrace. “After that, I can do anything with Erik.”

Howie kissed him, Howie’s thigh nudging his. “You were very convincing.”

He’d been very convinced. Now that it was over, something struck JC. “You were moaning.” Howie had been moaning a lot, not quietly, while getting head. That never happened.

Howie smiled, kissing him again, pushing back JC’s bangs. “Erik gets loud.”

Howie had sounded so genuinely passionate, JC wondered why he couldn’t do that during real sex. It had been deeply arousing, to hear Howie that turned on. “I liked it, from you.”

“Really?” Howie asked, sounding pleased and intrigued. “Maybe I could manage to do a little more of it, next time.” Howie kissed him slowly, taking time. Then, Howie pulled away with a sigh. “We should probably go. Do you think you’ll be up to giving him head before we leave his house?”

Now that he’d had this success with Howie, JC was curious and wanted to test himself on the real thing. “Yeah,” he said. “Let’s see how it goes.”

Ashley walked into the house. “Hey, anybody home?”

“I’m sitting right here,” Erik said from the sofa. “Hey, you’re here. Can you leave?”

“What?” Ashley asked, laughing. “I just got here.”

“As soon as all five of us are home, Jacob and Dan want to have a big meeting. It’s not going to be fun.”

“Meeting about what?” Ashley asked, sitting on the armchair.

“Meeting about our sex lives,” Erik said. “I guess they think that somewhere in the contract it says we can’t decide who we get to fuck.”

“Sex lives?” Ashley asked. He’d avoid that conversation at all costs. Especially with Jacob. “You want to go out and go somewhere?”

“Hey.” Dan walked into the room. “How’re you doing, Ashley Parker?”

“Hey, Dan.” Ashley hadn’t seen him in days. He got up, and they hugged. “How’s New York? How’s Justin?”

“New York is large, and Justin Timberlake is king,” Dan said. “Of everything he surveys. What’s up with you?”

“Not much,” he said. If they were all going to have this talk, he needed to downplay his recent behavior. “Hanging out.”

“With Joey?” Dan asked.

Ashley was doomed. “Yeah,” he said, making it as casual as possible. “He’s going out with Nick tonight.”

“How is Nick?” Dan asked, his eyes sharp.

Oh, shit. Seriously doomed. Ashley wondered how much Dan knew. “Fine,” he said, hoping his voice sounded steady. He could handle any questions about Joey, but when it came to Nick? He was fucked. Sideways.

Trevor came in. “Hey, I thought I heard you come in.”

“We might as well do this now,” Dan said.

“I’ll go get Jacob,” Trevor said.

Fuck.

Chris was sitting on the floor with Jacob, enjoying a lively debate on the top ten reasons L.A. sucked, when Jacob’s cell phone rang. Jacob’s phone had rung a few times earlier, but he’d ignored it. This time, he said, “Excuse me,” and picked up. “Hello?”

Chris’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah, hey,” Jacob said. His voice was different, tamed and infatuated, and Chris knew. Chris’s heart leapt in his chest and took off running. Then Jacob sat up straighter. “You’re back in town?”

Chris almost jumped to his feet.

“No, yeah, let me come get you,” Jacob said. “You know it’s no problem. No, yeah, come on, forget about it. I’ll be right there. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Bye.” Jacob laughed, sounding happier than Chris had ever heard him. “Bye.” Jacob hung up, pushing his hair back. “I have to-”

“Go,” Chris guessed, because if he heard Jacob say Brian’s name at this moment, he was going to rupture something very important, like his brain.

“Yeah. Sorry about running out on you. Trevor’s probably looking for you, anyway.”

Fuck Trevor. The need to be involved in Brian’s life overcame Chris’s intense hatred for Jacob, and he tried to think of a good way to ask where Jacob was going, why, for whom, and every related detail.

There was a knock at the door. Jacob was rising, and Chris stood, too, not wanting him to go, wanting to go with him. “Come in,” Jacob said, going to his closet.

“Hey.” Trevor opened the door. “Everybody’s here.”

“Yeah?” Jacob asked, taking off his shirt. Too skinny, bad tattoos, Chris was going to die if Brian touched Jacob’s naked body. But this was the person Brian was going to be fucking. Brian was going to - - hatred and jealousy and longing scorched the landscape of Chris’s mind.

“Yeah,” Trevor said. “We can have the house meeting now.”

“House meeting?” Jacob asked, pulling on another T-shirt. Chris didn’t see much difference between the first and second shirts, except that the second fit better. Jacob gathered his hair in both hands, tying it back. “Oh, yeah. I can’t right now, I have to go pick up Brian.”

He had to go pick up Brian. Chris would cut off his own arms and legs and wriggle across hot desert sand to pick up Brian.

“Pick up Brian?” Trevor asked.

“Kevin had to go somewhere, so Brian doesn’t have a ride,” Jacob said, gathering his wallet, phone, and keys.

“He can’t get a taxi?” Trevor asked. “I thought you wanted to have this meeting.”

“We can have it later,” Jacob said.

“Yeah, it’s been so easy to get all five of us together,” Trevor said.

“Dan’s back in town now,” Jacob said. “I have to go. See you.” He stepped past Trevor and left.

Chris wanted to go with him. Chris would have slain monsters to go with him.

Wait, hadn’t Jacob just mentioned something important that Chris should have paid more attention to?

Kevin! Kevin was back in town. Chris reached for his phone.

Wait, no. No. He’d broken rules. He’d disobeyed. He wasn’t going to make things worse by jumping all over Kevin the second Kevin got back. He was going to wait for Kevin to summon him. It was very important for him to be as obedient as possible, if he wanted to salvage things enough to receive his Brian-related gift.

Which meant that he had to stay here with Trevor, and not follow Jacob in his car.

“I don’t fucking believe this,” Trevor said.

Chris had gotten over disbelief a long time ago. Brian had trained that right out of him.

“I don’t fucking believe this,” Trevor said again, and started walking away. Chris followed him, because Kevin had been very clear about wanting him to stay with Trevor. Trevor went to the living room, where the other guys were assembled. “Jacob left.”

“Left?” Dan asked.

“I didn’t see him,” Ashley said.

“He probably left by the pool because he knows he’s being a jackass,” Trevor said. “Brian called to get a ride from the airport.”

“Brian?” Ashley asked.

“He ditched a group meeting he called, to play taxi service for Brian?” Erik asked.

Chris wanted to offer them money to stop saying Brian’s name. He wanted to hurt them, too, for making it sound like it wasn’t a supreme honor to do things for Brian. He’d give anything to be of service to Brian.

“You told him we were all here for the meeting?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, I told him,” Trevor said. “He couldn’t run after Brian fast enough.”

Again with the sacred name on unworthy lips. Chris wanted to muzzle them.

“Damn,” Erik said.

“That doesn’t sound like Jacob,” Dan said.

“And he thinks we’re all in trouble?” Erik asked. “At least I’m getting laid.”

Chris wondered if they remembered that he was in the room.

“I guess there’s no sense in doing this without Jake,” Ashley said, getting up.

“Come on,” Trevor said to Chris, walking him towards the stairs. “What’d you and Jacob talk about for seventeen hours?”

“Brian,” Chris said, just to say the name with the right worshipful inflection.

Trevor rolled his eyes. “I know it’s freaking Brian Littrell, and that’s huge, but Jacob needs to get over it already.”

Chris didn’t know how to tell Trevor that Jacob was never, ever going to get over it.

Joey opened the door and did his best not to give every inch of Nick a long, lingering stare. Damn, he looked good. His hair was in punk disarray, black leather hugged the firm curves of his thighs, and there was a small tear in his black T-shirt, right under the neckline, that made Joey want to touch the skin underneath.

“Hey, sweetness,” Nick said, and gave him a light, fast kiss with just enough tongue to make his body perk up. “How’s it going?”

“Okay,” Joey said, trying to act unaffected. “Come in.”

“How’s Ashley?” Nick asked, stepping into the house.

“He feels great on my dick,” Joey said, closing the door.

Nick followed him back to the bedroom. “He looks great on your dick, too. What’re you wearing tonight?”

“I don’t know.” He’d just gotten out of the shower and thrown on sweats to answer the door. He walked into the closet to find something, and Nick was right behind him, flipping through his clothes.

“You have some good stuff,” Nick said. He turned away, and Joey couldn’t believe how fucking luscious his ass looked in those pants. “Here,” Nick said, pivoting and handing him a pair of brown pants. “What?”

“Nothing,” Joey said. He had to get out of this closet without fucking Nick, but he didn’t think it was possible.

“You want me to drive tonight?” Nick asked.

“Why?” Joey asked. He turned his attention to locating a shirt, so he could avoid looking at Nick. He’d just fucked Ashley; there was no way he wanted Nick this badly. But looking at Nick was like a sensory flashback to hot, lush orgasms and intense, pounding sex and the wild rush of falling into a bottomless pit of lust. He’d felt this way about AJ, once, early on, before he’d really focused on AJ as the center of all things sex.

“So you can drink,” Nick said.

“We can get a driver,” Joey said.

“I don’t want company,” Nick said.

“You’re not going to drink?” That was just stupid. He found the shirt he wanted.

“I’ll just have a beer or something.”

“It’s up to you.” Joey walked towards Nick, and Nick backed up, and he escaped the closet safely.

It was going to be a long night. Joey couldn’t wait to get to the club and focus on ripe, feminine curves. He’d been fucking too many guys lately. Clearly, it was bad for him.

Sex with AJ was nothing like sex with Kevin. It was less intense, more comfortable. Almost like having sex with a friend, a little like having sex with an enemy. Familiar, with an edge of danger. Justin felt like he’d released all of his pent-up tension, and there had been a hell of a lot of it.

Relaxed, feeling used in the right ways, Justin didn’t mind AJ’s conversation as much. They went down to the kitchen and ate, and they talked about Joey, and plotted out what they wanted to do to Dan. Justin worked Kevin into the conversation a few times, and AJ made direct, uncensored replies. AJ was too direct sometimes, too brutally honest, but Justin preferred that, with him.

They made out again, for the hell of it. Then they had sex on the coffee table. AJ seemed to like sex anywhere, on any surface. It was less comfortable than sex on a bed, but somehow that made it more challenging, more interesting. Justin had never really had pointless, recreational sex with a man, and it was kind of fun.

They were naked on the sofa, kissing and grinding, when Justin’s phone rang. AJ let him surface, and he answered it, saying, “You’ve been Justified,” while AJ flicked one painted thumbnail over his right nipple. He pushed AJ’s hand away.

“Maybe I should answer the phone with, ‘It’s Miller Time,’” Dan said.

Justin laughed, surprised. AJ gave him a questioning look. “Dan,” Justin mouthed at him. AJ raised his eyebrows. Justin ran his fingers across AJ’s collarbone, asking, “What’s up?” He didn’t feel affectionate towards AJ, exactly; it was more like, after all of this sex and dancing, he felt an intense physical connection to AJ, like their bodies were an extension of each other. Idly touching AJ was like idly touching himself. He felt very familiar with AJ’s body. AJ seemed to feel the same way. It was kind of weird; they didn’t even pretend to like each other.

AJ leaned in, his torso across Justin’s, putting his ear to the phone. Justin shifted to accommodate him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Things are slowing down over here, so I thought I’d see how you’re doing,” Dan said.

AJ met his eyes and mouthed, “Invite him over.”

“You can come over and see for yourself,” Justin said.

“Yeah?” Dan asked. “I don’t want to interrupt anything.”

“You’re not interrupting anything,” Justin said. “Come on over.”

“Okay,” Dan said. “I’ll be there.”

“Great. Bye,” Justin said.

“Bye,” Dan said.

Justin hung up.

AJ kissed him and got off of him. “Time for me to make my magical escape.” They headed upstairs. “You might want to take a shower.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Justin said.

AJ dressed quickly. “Call me, keep me informed.”

“I will.”

“You’re a pretty good fuck,” AJ said. “Maybe I should bring Joey into this, have some real fun.”

He couldn’t believe AJ would say that. That was insulting, degrading, rude, crude, and a great reminder of how fucked up all of this was. “You fucking - - god, just when I think you’re getting less obnoxious, you remind me of how much I hate you.”

“Works for me,” AJ said, and kissed him. “Bye.”

Jacob called Brian as he reached the airport, and Brian came outside when he pulled up to the curb, putting a bag in the back and getting in beside him. In the bright interior lighting, Jacob saw the flash of Brian’s smile, the sparkle in Brian’s eyes. As the light went off, Brian leaned across the space between their seats and hugged him, bringing him warmth and the fresh scent of the night breeze with that faint hint of vanilla. “Thanks for coming to get me,” Brian said.

“No problem,” Jacob said, knowing he was holding this embrace too long, not willing to let go.

“Your house?” Brian asked, and he felt Brian’s fingers curl into his hair. God, that question, it almost sounded like a proposition, like a promise.

“Your house,” Jacob said.

Brian chuckled by his ear. “We’re holding up traffic.”

Jacob made himself let go. Brian’s fingers uncurled from his hair, and Brian sat back, reaching for the seatbelt. “How was your trip?” Jacob asked, pulling himself together and edging back into the flow of cars.

“Good,” Brian said. “How was everything here?”

“Would you believe I spent most of today talking to Chris Kirkpatrick?”

Brian made an amused sound. “What’d you talk about?”

“Everything,” Jacob said. “Seriously, we covered everything, we talked for hours.”

“You like him?” Brian asked.

“He’s weird,” Jacob said. “I mean, he’s strange. But he’s kind of funny, and he’s smarter than your average brick.” Brian chuckled in surprised recognition. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but I’d talk to him again.”

“Is that how you described me after we talked in the club?” Brian asked.

“I didn’t describe you,” Jacob said. “I wouldn’t have known how.” He found his gaze turning to Brian. “I still wouldn’t.” He forced his attention back to the road, away from the distraction.

“I wonder how I’d describe you,” Brian said. “I’d have to think about it.”

Jacob laughed. “Let me know what you come up with.”

There was a smile in Brian’s voice. “I will.”

Chris had been locked up with Jacob for so long, he was starving. Trevor was halfway buried in the refrigerator when the doorbell rang. “Can you get that?”

“Sure,” Chris said. He went to the front door, hearing, “Aha,” from the kitchen. Trevor must have found something edible. He checked the peephole. Hmm. This could be interesting. “Welcome,” Chris said, opening the door.

JC looked surprised to see him. “Are we at the right house?”

“I bought it and moved in,” Chris said. “Enter, please. Howard.”

“Chris,” Howie said, following JC into the house.

“You look good,” Chris said to JC. “Hot date?”

JC was blushing. “Is Erik here?”

“Hell if I know,” Chris said. “They’ve scattered to the four winds.”

Trevor walked up. “Hey,” he said, and Chris watched him stare at Howie in fascinated, lusting adoration. “You…”

“They’re here to see Erik,” Chris said.

“Right,” Trevor said.

“You could go get him,” Chris suggested.

“Right,” Trevor said. “Right!” The light had clicked on. “Hold on, you just,” he disappeared.

“He’s a little loopy, but he’s not bad in bed,” Chris said.

“Are you okay?” JC asked, genuinely sounding concerned.

“Not remotely,” Chris said. “Does it show?”

JC reached out and stilled Chris’s hands where they were twisting the hem of his shirt. Oh. Chris looked down. He hadn’t even realized that he was doing that. “What’s going on?” JC asked.

“Brian,” Chris said. “Jacob. Kevin. But you look good. Is that hickey new?”

“What?” JC asked, turning redder.

“Hey,” Erik said, sounding slightly breathless. “JC, Howie.”

“Erik-Michael,” Howie said, and twined his fingers with JC’s.

“We were going out, and we thought you might want to come with us,” JC said. His voice was doing the same subtle “I want to have sex with you” thing that Howie’s was doing, and it was vaguely disturbing.

“I wanted to show JC some of the clothes we got,” Howie said.

“Sure,” Erik said, his voice all flustered “I’m gonna get laid” excitement. “Let’s, we can go, my room.”

Suave. Chris was very impressed. Or not. JC really had sex with this guy? Chris didn’t want to be embarrassed for him, but…

“Great,” JC said, like he was really interested. Chris avoided meeting JC’s eyes. This was not something he thought JC wanted him to be witnessing.

“Great,” Erik echoed, and the three of them went upstairs, Howie still holding JC’s hand.

Chris wondered if the Boys had been embarrassed to see each other play nice with them. Had Howie been embarrassed to have AJ see him pretending to be in love with Lance? Had Nick been embarrassed to have Kevin see him playing boyfriends with JC?

Nothing embarrassed Brian. Chris knew that.

He wondered where Brian was. Jacob must have picked him up at the airport by now. Were they coming back here? Was Brian telling Jacob about his trip to Kentucky? What was Brian wearing? Was-

“I’m not going to get used to having them show up and walk into my house,” Trevor said.

“Who?” Chris asked, falling back into reality. “Oh. They’re just people.”

“You think they’re just people,” Trevor said. “Nobody else does.”

Brian wasn’t just people. Kevin wasn’t, either. He had doubts about AJ, Nick, and Howie, too. Oh, they were carbon-based life forms with human anatomy. But just people? More like dangerous sociopaths playing their own games for their own amusement. They pretended to be people, when it suited them. They pretended to be a lot of things. They pretended to be nice. They pretended to be in love. They pretended-

“Are you okay?” Trevor asked.

Chris unclenched his hands, smoothing out his shirt. “Just thinking.” If he didn’t either get home, or find Kevin and get laid, he was going to self-destruct. The countdown to full meltdown had begun.

Continue on to part twenty-two

matthew@matthewtime.com
"Sucker"
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